We all face a very human problem, an inconsistency of sorts, that isn't always easy to talk about.

It's the fact that we know how we should (and want to) treat our spouse and family members and the harsh reality of how we sometimes actually treat them.

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?

Scenario 1

Jon was a dentist and was well-loved by his patients and staff. He was kind, thoughtful, considerate and complimentary. He always encouraged those he worked with and was an overall happy and positive guy.

His wife, Maggie, came to work one day to pick something up and noticed how he was helping one of his new employees. This employee, Rachel, was asking question after question and seemed to need help with everything. Jon was extremely patient and helpful with her and kept telling her that her questions weren't a problem at all.

Maggie found herself conflicted inside as she immediately began to wish Jon treated her like that. She thought back on all the times that Jon was impatient with her at home and how annoyed he got whenever she had questions about how to do something.

On the other hand, Maggie also tried to appreciate what she was seeing in the office that day. She appreciated how good and kind he was and how much everyone adored him.

Still, she wished the Jon they knew was the Jon she knew at home.

Scenario 2

Amber ran her own (very successful) real estate company - she was often ranked first among her peers in the industry. She often spoke at conferences and was in the process of writing her first book.

"‹Her husband, Sam, worked with her two days a week and saw both sides of his wife: the happy, polished, refined Amber at work, and the sloppy, critical, whiney Amber at home.

Since Amber seemed to treat Sam differently at work than at home, he was starting to feel jealous, upset, and frustrated that she wasn't her best self for him. He was sure that if she acted differently towards him that their marriage would somehow be better.

Inconsistency in private and public

Sadly, for most of us, the inconsistency of our private and public self is a real, sometimes harsh, reality that we deal with.

Most of us are very aware of this inconsistency and are ever working to close the gap. However, others are sometimes completely oblivious to the stark difference between their private and public selves.

"‹In these scenarios, Jon and Amber both could do better at keeping their private and public selves more consistent, and Maggie and Sam could learn to work on themselves first and realize that perhaps they weren't seeing things in exactly the right way.

The safety of being home

One reason this inconsistency may exist is because most people feel safe and secure at home, a place where they can be real, raw and vulnerable - which is a good thing.

The home is a place where we can learn, grow and suffer through the sometimes painful experience of facing our weaknesses and work to get better.

Home and family life create the perfect setting for us to work on ourselves because it is such a safe and loving atmosphere. However, if you feel like your spouse is a different person in public than in private (and it's bothering you) here are three things you can do:

1. Work on being your best self

Do you make your spouse want to be home with you? Do you treat your spouse as respectfully as his/her co-workers or friends do? Are you your very best self at home?

Take a good look inside yourself and find an area or two where you can improve.

2. Look for the good

Although he or she may be "better" in public than in private, they still do a lot of things right at home.

Remember when she filled your car up with gas, or when he put away the dishes from the dishwasher? Remember how she left you that encouraging note, and how he bought you your favorite ice cream, just because?

Your spouse is a better person than you think, and than you probably give them credit for. Although they may not be perfect at home, your ability to see the good in them will only encourage your spouse and help them get better.

3. Be forgiving and patient

Finally, be quick to forgive.

Your spouse won't be perfect. So forgive them. Forgive them ahead of time. They will fall short. They need you to give them the benefit of the doubt. Your spouse needs your forgiveness and patience, because guess what, your spouse isn't perfect. You aren't either.

Your spouse is probably trying harder than you realize. If your partner has given up on trying it may be because they feel you have given up as well. So please, be patient. Give your marriage time.

Remember that you, your spouse, and your marriage are a work in progress. If you can be so madly in love with the unfinished masterpiece (despite the flaws), just think how wonderful the final product will be!

Remember what you are working towards.

If your marriage isn't where you want it to be today, then decide to do something about it. Start small, and make one small change to nurture your marriage this very day.

Keep at it - there are good things ahead.

Editor's Note: Originally published on Aaron and April's blog Nurturing Marriage. It has been republished here with permission.

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There you are, asking your good friend Google if you are having an emotional affair.

If you are asking, then your question is probably your answer.

If you aren't sure, but you kinda-think-you-might-be having an emotional affair, you probably are.

That's OK.

Recognizing your mistake is the first step to correcting it and making changes, so you are in the right place.

You may be having an emotional affair, but it's not too late to stop and to change!

If you're reading this article, you may have some of the following questions:

• Is texting a person of the opposite sex, just because, cheating?

• Is going out to lunch with a friend of the opposite sex (without telling your spouse), cheating?

• If you email a girl at work regularly about hobbies you both enjoy, are you having an emotional affair?

• Is it cheating to message an old boyfriend back and forth?

• Is thinking about another man cheating?

• Is it OK for me (a married person) to have a crush on someone other than my spouse, without that person or my spouse ever knowing it?

To give you an answer to those questions, it's important to realize what an emotional affair is not:

1. An emotional affair is not one-sided

An emotional affair takes two. If you are thinking about someone or you just feel connected with someone, and they don't reciprocate those feelings, it isn't an emotional affair. It is a form of cheating, because you are thinking about someone other than your spouse, but it isn't an emotional affair.

2. An emotional affair is not a real, platonic friendship

An emotional affair is not a real, platonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex that your spouse knows about. If you have friendships with members of the opposite sex from before you were married, and there is zero chemistry between you two, then doing something together with that friend is not cheating on your spouse.

We wouldn't recommend it, because feelings can change, but boundaries can be set and as long as your spouse knows about it, it isn't an emotional affair.

3. An emotional affair is not a professional connect with a co-worker

Even if you do spend a lot of time together with someone at your office, if it's professional, it isn't an affair.

4. Having relationships with members of the opposite sex

Even if they are attractive members of the opposite sex, isn't an emotional affair. it's perfectly fine and acceptable, as long as you are respectful and professional.

So, what is an emotional affair?

Any time you choose -yes, it is a choice -to open your heart to someone other than your spouse r to connect and share on a deeper level, you are, in essence, beginning an emotional affair.

An emotional affair occurs when you seek out the kind of emotional, intellectual, spiritual and recreational connection reserved for marriage with someone other than your spouse.

In essence, most people define having an emotional affair as falling in love with someone and perhaps dating someone, without any physical or sexual aspect to the relationship.

Some don't think emotional affairs are a big deal, but we think otherwise.

We believe they are simply the beginning of full-blown physical affairs. And affairs always lead to heartache.

We would encourage you to beware the dangers of emotional affairs and to do everything possible to avoid the steps that lead to emotional affairs.

Am I having an emotional affair?

An easy way to know if you are cheating on your spouse and having an emotional affair (or if you are even getting close) is to honestly these questions:

1. If my spouse read the texts between me and this person, what would they think?

2. Would I want my spouse listening in on my conversations with this person?

3. Does my friendship with this person bring feelings of excitement and romance?

4. Do I flirt with this person, even in small ways?

5. Do I look forward to being around this person?

6. Do I feel like I can't live without this person?

7. What would my co-workers tell my spouse about my friendship with this person?

8. Do I text/email/talk about anything sexual with this person, even though we haven't been sexual together?

9. Am I intentionally lying to my spouse, hiding things or being secretive about this person? Does my spouse know about this person and about my relationship with them?

10. Do I feel guilty about my relationship with this person?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, you should take a step back and honestly evaluate your choices. Think about where they will lead you. You know yourself best. If you pay attention to your inner feelings, you will know if you are having an emotional affair or not.

If you feel uncomfortable, guilty, sad, or discouraged as you think about your secretive friendship, then it's probably time to cut ties completely and make things- It's time to stop cheating on your spouse.

Instead of trying to find out what the "boundaries" are and if you are cheating, decide to stay as far away from the "boundaries" as possible and to be the most loyal, loving spouse that you can be.

That choice is in your hands, dear friend.

You can get back on track, and fast. Just decide to do it. Decide to put all the energy you were putting into your "other relationship" back into nurturing your marriage, and you will see that doing things right feels good. Really good.

Editor's Note: This article was originally published on Aaron & April's blog,Nurturing Marriage. It has been republished here with permission.

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It's been a long day and you both just climbed in bed - exhausted.

You wish she would snuggle up close, and yet she is totally oblivious to your needs. She has had a long day (and in her mind, all is well) and it's time for sleep.

You share the normal goodnight kiss, say "I love you," and roll over, not even touching. A hundred thoughts start rolling through your head (thoughts she knows nothing about), mostly complaints about things you wish she would do or not do, and ways that she isn't meeting your needs.

You start to think, "Doesn't she even care? Can't she tell that I need her?"

Without realizing it, complaints like the ones below immediately start to form a mental list in your head - a list that immediately makes you feel like your marriage is dying and your spouse needs to change. You are feeling frustrated and maybe a bit hopeless. You are discouraged yet you haven't said anything to your darling because they are already asleep. Husbands and wives, do any of these sound familiar?

• Why doesn't she greet me with a hug when I come home instead of just complaining about her day?

• Did he notice all I did today?

• Why is she so concerned about money?

• Why is he always wanting to play video games?

• I just wish he would ask me about my day and how things are really going, but he doesn't have a clue, or seem to care.

• We argue about the same things, all the time.

• He never wants to make any decisions, he just expects me to make all the decisions.

• I'm just lonely. We have nothing to talk about anymore.

• He expects me to do everything around the house.

• She is always on her phone, and she doesn't even seem to realize I'm right here next to her.

• He never takes a hint.

• She only wants to talk about the kids.

• Why doesn't he pay more attention to the kids?

• She doesn't get ready anymore.

• She never leaves me little notes anymore.

• He never brings me flowers.

Now, if you let the above thoughts fester, you could quickly threaten the health and happiness of your relationship.

Why?

Because what you don't realize is that by thinking only of yourself, you are allowing selfishness to creep in.

In the scenario above, your sweet wife had no clue that you were feeling so neglected. Now, your needs and complaints shouldn't just be brushed off (there is a time and place to bring them up and address them), but don't fall into the trap of being critical and upset. All you need is a little love and affection.

So, what do you do when you feel like your spouse isn't meeting your needs?

Here are four things that may help you out when you start to feel this way:

1. Stop thinking negative thoughts

Just stop. Stop creating a list of where your partner falls short. Letting criticism into your marriage is pretty dangerous, so please, just stop.

2. Start creating a mental list of all the things you love about that husband or wife of yours

Think about everything you love about your husband or wife. Think about what they have accomplished, what their greatest gifts and abilities are, small ways they have been thoughtful and selfless towards you, your favorite memories together and all the little things he or she does to bless your life.

3. Do something to show care and concern for your spouse

That's right, forget about yourself for a moment and find a way to do something to check in with your spouse. To do this properly, you have to forget about yourself for just a moment. Try kissing your spouse 10 times as you smother them with love. Or perhaps before bed, you can say "thank you", give them a big hug, and snuggle before you both fall asleep - with plans to do something small for him or her in the morning.

Whatever you choose, find a way to turn your focus from yourself and your needs to your spouse and their needs.

"‹Choosing to focus on your spouse instead of yourself will immediately fill your heart with love. You'll also have encouraging thoughts about the state of your marriage relationship and how good things really are.

4. Start a new day with a fresh perspective, a heart full of love and a willingness to appreciate your marriage for what it is

The happiness level of your marriage is largely up to you. Your choice to see the good, focus on meeting your spouse's needs and choosing to be optimistic and grateful will go a long way in nurturing a healthy relationship.

Finally, attitude and perspective won't fix all marital problems, but as you focus on your spouse and their needs, you will find that your satisfaction with your relationship will increase. You'll also learn the magic of intentionally nurturing your marriage in order for it to thrive.

This article was originally published on Nurturing Marriage. It has been republished here with permission.

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In my almost eight years of marriage, I have learned that there are certain things that invite joy into my life and marriage, and there are other things that drain me of joy.

I've also learned that joy isn't circumstantial. It can't be bought. It is a choice. Each of us is meant to have joy. Each of us is meant to truly live a full and meaningful life.

Joy, by my definition, comes from aligning my priorities and choices with my deeply held beliefs - with the truths I know in both my mind and my heart.

Joy is feeling deeply connected to your spouse. Joy is savoring all the little moments that make a marriage beautiful - that simple kiss, the note he left you on your pillow, her phone call just to say, "hi," and other small gestures. Joy is found in the process of improvement and becoming one in marriage. Joy is forgiving each other and letting new beginnings take place in your marriage. Joy is knowing that through thick and thin, your sweet spouse is loyally by your side.

Joy isn't about pleasure or thrill. For example, I am a chocolate lover...okay, an all-around sweets lover. However, chocolate doesn't bring me joy. Momentary pleasure and satisfaction? Absolutely. But joy? No.

Finally, joy most certainly isn't about having a care-free life. Joy doesn't equal "hardship free". Rather, joy can be yours during the hard, inconvenient, and even stressful times of life.

Joy is available to me, and it's available to you. In fact, it's yours for the choosing.

So, what is getting in the way?

Being too busy, not taking care of my health, and spending too much time on screens and too little time with the people who matter most to me, all get in the way of me choosing joy.

Joy is diminished when my choices don't align with my values and beliefs. I can choose joy in life and marriage when I choose to give my time, attention, and focus to those things that truly matter:

1. I choose selflessness

For me, joy isn't about me at all. I believe that true joy really stems from selflessness. It comes from serving others. In my marriage, joy comes from cleaning my husband's car, giving him a back massage, calling him just because or listening to him vent about frustrations at work.

2. I choose patience

Joy comes when I choose to let that little thing he said slide, instead of fester. Joy comes from recognizing that my husband is doing the best he can, and that neither of us are perfect. Joy comes from being patient when I feel like getting angry. Yes, joy comes from patience.

3. I choose connection

Joy comes when I put my phone down and actually look into my husband's eyes and ask about his day. Without realizing it, it's all too easy to live life through a screen. I've learned that virtual reality is no reality at all. Real life is what happens to us outside of screens. It's about people, real face-to-face interactions and connection.

In my marriage, joy comes from simple moments of connection - when I catch my handsome husband wink at me, and from hugs and kisses.

4. I choose intentionality

Joy comes from being intentional about my marriage. It comes from regularly saying, "I love you," making sure date night happens, planning romantic getaways, and from washing dishes together. Joy comes from holding hands and walking around the block or cuddling up in the backyard to look at the stars.

5. I choose gratitude

Joy comes from choosing to be grateful for my husband and pointing out all of the things I appreciate and love about him. It comes from saying simple things to him, like "I really appreciate that you called my mom today to wish her happy birthday". Joy comes as I let my heart fill with gratitude for all the things my husband does to provide for me, protect me, and bless my life.

6. I choose simplicity

When I say "yes," to too much, and simply fill my schedule with busyness rather than fulfilling and meaningful things, I lose joy. I find myself being impatient and angry. I find myself seeing the world through a negative lens. Joy comes as I simplify my schedule, say "no," more, and fill my space and time with the people and things I love. When I simplify my life, I am able to choose joy as I say "yes," to the things that truly bring meaning, satisfaction and fulfillment into my life. "‹

7. I choose forgiveness

Joy comes as I look at my life and realize the things I need to change to make my marriage better. In fact, some of the sweetest and most joyful moments of my marriage have come when either my husband or myself have been humble enough to say, "I'm sorry. What I said was wrong and hurtful. What can I do to make things better?" Joy comes from forgiveness, healing and reconciliation.

8. I choose health

When I am running on too little sleep, it is hard to choose joy. When I eat too many processed or sugary foods, I never feel well. When I don't feel good, I don't have energy, enthusiasm or passion for life or love. Choosing joy for me includes finding a sleep schedule that works for both me and my husband (so we can go to bed together every night), from eating healthier foods and from moving my body more.

9. I choose laughter

Joy stems from living in the moment and laughing with my husband. It comes from seeing the humor in situations that may not seem funny at first. It comes from not taking myself too seriously. Joy comes when I look over at my husband, and we both erupt in laughter because we were thinking the same thing at exactly the same moment.

10. I choose love

Yes, joy comes from choosing love. Love for my husband fills my heart as I pick up his favorite cereal at the store, write him a love letter, cook his favorite meal, encourage him to go golfing, watch his favorite show with him, and compliment him. Love grows as I choose to see all the marvelous gifts, talents, and attributes that make him who he is. Love comes as I seek to serve my husband and be fiercely loyal to him. Joy and love come as he makes those same efforts for me.

Why choose joy?

Choosing joy brings a measure of peace, comfort, and purpose to your life in ways you may not currently recognize are possible. Choosing joy helps you slow down and soak up every beautiful moment that life has to offer you.

Choosing joy in marriage doesn't mean your life will be perfect, but it does mean that you will be able to see and recognize perfect moments, and give thanks for them. Choosing joy helps you find meaning, happiness, and fulfillment where it matters most - in your relationships with others, especially with your spouse.

How can you choose joy this week?

Write down at least one response to each of these questions, and then decide to do something small to choose joy in your marriage:

• Are my choices in line with my deeply held values and beliefs?

• What is missing from my life?

• What do I need to make time for in my life?

• What do I need to eliminate from my life?

As you intentionally choose joy in your life and marriage, you will find that your outlook on life is happier. You will find yourself treating others in a more respectful way. You will find your heart being filled with gratitude for little things, things you may never have thought to be grateful for in the past.

Yes, choosing joy will change your life in hundreds of small ways, and help you find meaning and fulfillment in the here and now. So, go be joyful.

Editor's Note: Originally published on Aaron and April's blog Nurturing Marriage. It has been republished here with permission.

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You hear it at work, at neighborhood BBQ's, and on social media - people checking things off their bucket lists. It seems that everyone has a bucket list, and that everyone is working away to accomplish the things they most desire. Everyone needs a bucket list - a list of things they want to accomplish before dying. How about you?

Have you ever thought about creating a bucket list, and not just for yourself, but for you and your spouse to accomplish together? If not, here are three really great reasons why you should, and how having a marriage bucket list will really help nurture your relationship with your spouse: "‹

1. Unite you as a couple as it creates shared goals and a shared vision

Creating a bucket list of the things the two of you want to accomplish together will create added meaning and closeness in your marriage. It will also give you fun goals to aim for.

In the process of dreaming together, preparing together, and accomplishing big things together, you will find yourself feeling united with your spouse in ways you can't even imagine. "‹

Did you know that sharing your deepest dreams and goals with your spouse is a form of intimacy? This kind of ongoing-exercise of making plans and working together to achieve them will draw you two closer together, enhance your unity and help find greater meaning in your marriage.

2. Create endless opportunities for adventure, friendship and fun

As you work to accomplish the things on your bucket list, you will be sharing a lot of time and space together, which is a major key to strengthening your friendship. Plus, as you share adventures, hobbies and skills together, you will have a lot more in the "common interest" category to talk about. You will be doing the things that best friends do - intentionally sharing adventure, friendship and fun - and that will certainly nurture your marriage.

Just think of how much fun you will have hiking that mountain, or crocheting hats for newborn babies in third-world countries. Think of the memories you will create. Think of the fun you will have.

3. Find meaning, fulfillment, and satisfaction in life - and therefore, in your marriage

As you and your spouse come together in unity about your plans for the future, you will better be able to see eye-to-eye about the things that matter most to each of you, and the way you choose to spend your time as a couple. You will find yourselves choosing better ways to spend your time together, than just watching your favorite show on TV night after night.

As you and your spouse share more of yourselves with each other, strengthen your friendship, cheer each other on, and create happy memories, you will find greater happiness, fulfillment, satisfaction and joy in life and in your marriage. Sounds like a win-win-win.

How to create your bucket list

If you haven't yet made an official bucket list, you may want to try a website like bucketlist.org to get you brainstorming and dreaming, or you may simply want to go the old-fashioned route and use a paper and pencil.

One fabulous idea is to make a date night (or two) out of creating your bucket lists.

Phase 1: Your individual bucket lists

You and your spouse should both first create your own personal bucket lists, and then create one together. When you know the dreams and goals of your spouse, you will better be able to support and encourage your spouse, as well as play an accountability partner to help him or her achieve their wildest dreams.

So, go to your favorite ice cream place and start dreaming. Your bucket list may have big items like "Visit the Great Wall of China," or smaller items like, "Buy a homeless person lunch."

You might come up with a health-oriented goal such as, "Hike a mountain," or a financial goal like, "Save $10,000 in long-term savings by the end of the year." Or maybe you want to learn Spanish together or read a complete book series together. Need more ideas?

Peruse Pinterest and write down any ideas that catch your attention. Then, narrow your list down a bit.

"‹Consider the following questions as you make your list:

- How do I want to make a difference in the world?

- How do I want to help others?

- What do I want to see and experience?

- What talents and skills do I want to develop?

- What matters most to me?

- What types of goals and activities will help me to become a better person?

After you have created your individual bucket lists, then cozy up together and share your lists with each other. As you share, you two will see each other in a new light and fall in love all over again. There is something refreshing about seeing the hopes, dreams and goals that your spouse has for life.

After you have looked over each other's lists, help each other pick two of those goals that you each want to accomplish in the next year. Perhaps decide that every year on your anniversary, you will pull out your lists, check things off and refine them a bit.

Phase 2: Your couple bucket list "‹

Now, once you have finished phase one of your date (you may want to separate this into two different dates), work on creating your couple bucket list. That's right, things you two want to accomplish together, including adventures you dream of sharing together. Hobbies you want to develop and share for a lifetime.

As you create your bucket list (we use a Google doc that we can both add to), start to create a timeline for yourselves. Decide which items can be accomplished in six months, which ones in three years, five years, ten years, etc.

Once you know what you want to accomplish, start planning! Do you need to save money for that trip to the Bahamas? What kind of physical preparation do you need to do in order to run a marathon together (or in our case, a 5k)?

Way to go. You've done it; you have created your marriage bucket list. Now, go accomplish important and meaningful things together and watch it nurture your marriage in fulfilling ways.

This article was originally published on Nurturing Marriage. It has been republished here with permission.

The post 3 reasons you and your spouse need a bucket list appeared first on FamilyToday.

Lean in close and listen up, because we'd like to have a little heart-to-heart with you about an issue that may be somewhat sensitive for some of you (We'll try and tread lightly!).

While we hope that this article will be uplifting, we feel the need to be a little bold and share some personal thoughts about an issue that may be causing harm to your marriage.

What is it?

We want to talk about girls' nights out and guys' nights out

You know what we're talking about.

• Girls' night out getting mani/pedi's and dinner.

• Guys' night out watching the big game and eating nachos.

• Girls' night out at a concert + ice cream.

• Guys' night out going paintballing and eating burgers and fries.

• Girls' trips shopping the weekend away and laying by the pool.

• Guys' trips full of hunting, fishing and mountain biking.

These kinds of activities - though seemingly harmless - may be hurting your marriage

You heard us right; these kinds of activities may be hurting your marriage.

Why, you ask?

Well, let us explain.

You are all ears because you have at least a dozen reasons why all of the above activities are perfectly acceptable and should be encouraged, right? We get you! (We like friends, too!)

So, here is our explanation and the caveat behind this very personal pet peeve of ours:

When people are intentional about girls' and guys' nights out while forgetting to be intentional about date night, romantic getaways and time spent with their better half (aka, their spouse!), then those activities become harmful to their marriage.

Yes, Girls' and Guys' nights out can harm your marriage when they take priority over time spent with your spouse - your #1. Simply stated, it isn't good for marriages when friends take priority over spouses.

Catch our drift?

So, let's be clear. We're not talking about a night out with the girls or the guys being inherently bad (because they aren't), we're talking about priorities. "‹

Yes, our message is all about priorities. "‹

If you look at your schedule and know next month you have a big trip with your friend, awesome. But please, please, please, make sure you also have a trip scheduled with your spouse in the near future.

If you want to do lunch with your girlfriend, great. But please, please, please, make sure you also have a lunch date scheduled with your spouse this week.

Priorities, folks

You may have the best intentions at heart, but your calendar shares obvious clues about who matters most to you.

We are all busy. We have a lot of demands on our time. So when people spend time and money on girls' nights out and guys' weekends away, all while letting their marriages wilt and die from a lack of intentionality, you had better bet we're going to speak up.

Now, if you are intentional about prioritizing your marriage above your friends (which you probably are) then just ignore this article and give yourself a pat on the back! Also, you are right..anything could replace a girls'/guys' night out here: running, video games, work, shopping, etc. This is a message about prioritizing your spouse, not about why an evening out with friends is bad.

So, please note that we are not against time spent with the gals or guys. At all. We just want to encourage you to be intentional about the following two priorities first:

1. Be intentional about date nights with your spouse. Date nights should get your best ideas and the best slot in your calendar. Here are 100 date ideas to help you.

2. Be intentional about planning fun romantic getaway trips with your spouse. Read this article to help you remember why you and your spouse need a getaway.

"‹Yes, we are encouraging - even inviting - you to prioritize your spouse this week. Give him or her your very best time and your very best self.

We're confident that if you prioritize your spouse, there will be plenty of time left over for a few much-needed outings with friends. You will find that by nurturing your marriage, your marriage will be stronger. You will feel closer to your spouse and find that happily ever after.

Happy prioritizing.

This article was originally published on Nurturing Marriage. It has been republished here with permission.

The post Why having a girls’ or guys’ night out might actually be hurting your marriage appeared first on FamilyToday.

Communication.

"‹It always seems to be the answer people give when they are asked about how to have a great marriage. Why is that?

Lionel Kendrick once said, "Our communications reflect in our countenance. Therefore, we must be careful not only what we communicate, but also how we do so. Souls can be strengthened or shattered by the message and the manner in which we communicate."

Healthy communication skills don't come naturally to most of us. However, they are so vital to building a strong and happy marriage. Thankfully, these skills can be learned, practiced and developed. Try one of these six tips to improve communication in your marriage this week:

1. Create a talk ritual

A talk ritual is a specific time that is set aside from everything else in the day for the two of you to talk face-to-face. About life. To laugh together. To console each other. To counsel about important issues together. To complain about that guy at work with each other. To just catch up and take each other's emotional temperatures. You two need this time together. Your marriage needs it. (Plus, your kids need the benefit of parents with a healthy and happy marriage.)

2. Control your temper

If you want to improve communication in your marriage, then please remember that there is simply no room for name calling, yelling, verbal abuse or criticism. There just isn't. Those things don't work. So what works? Controlling your temper works.

"You have to give and take in marriage. Another thing is a soft answer, keeping your voice down. Don't lose your temper. Speak quietly. There will be differences, but don't get stirred up over them. Just be quiet and calm and speak softly one to another." -Gordon B. Hinckley

3. Try and see things from the other person's perspective and acknowledge his or her feelings

Seek to understand your spouse's thoughts and feelings, and to then help him or her feel validated. Refrain from giving advice unless your spouse asks for it.

If you really want to figure out this one, just watch The Nail.Do it.

4. Body language speaks louder than words

Yes, your spouse will notice your eye-rolling. Instead of talking at each other across the room, sit next to each other, put your arm around your wife or touch his knee. Don't fold your arms and look away from your spouse. Maintain eye contact and look at your spouse when they are talking to you. Be engaged in the conversation and set aside other distractions like your phone, planner or TV.

5. Share openly and freely (but, politely)

Don't hold back, simply say what you mean. Don't beat around the bush. If you want ice cream, say you want ice cream. If something bothered you about the way your spouse handled a situation, let them know why it bothered you. However, this doesn't mean you should ever attack or criticize your spouse. Be honest, optimistic and respectful about your feelings, about what you want, about challenges you may be facing, etc. Be open with your spouse, even - no, especially - when that requires you to be vulnerable.

6. Listen. Listen. Listen

A story is told of a man who learned about listening from his wife.

"His good-humored love for Ida was manifested in many ways. He delighted in telling of her hearing loss. 'I once went to see a doctor about her hearing,' he would say. 'He asked me how bad it was, and I said I didn't know. He told me to go home and find out. The doctor instructed me to go into a far room and speak to her. Then I should move nearer and nearer until she does hear. Following the doctor's instructions, I spoke to her from the bedroom while she was in the kitchen-no answer. I moved nearer and spoke again-no answer. So I went right up to the door of the kitchen and said, "Ida, can you hear me?" She responded, "What is it, Marion-I've answered you three times."'" (Story found here.)

Additionally, here is a whole article you may want to read for more ideas on becoming a better listener.

You and your spouse are probably better communicators than you think. So, keep it up! Pick one of these suggestions to try this week, and see how it truly begins to nurture healthy communication in your marriage. "‹

This article was originally published on Nurturing Marriage. It has been republished here with permission.

The post 6 ways to improve communication in your marriage appeared first on FamilyToday.

The other day I found my sweet husband standing on the kitchen counter washing the blinds. Like deep-cleaning the blinds. The dirty, dusty, I-haven't-cleaned-these-ever blinds. Yes, he is that amazing. He proceeded to go around and deep-clean all the blinds on the first floor of our home. Without complaining. And without mentioning his disgust at how dirty they have become!

He simply saw something that needed to be done and he did it.

His simple act of service made me think of all the little - and big - ways that he serves me. Since I just had a baby two weeks ago, this husband of mine has been serving me around the clock. Literally. He has been selfless, considerate and way too kind to me, and I don't know if there is room in my heart for all the love that keeps on growing for him in there (OK, there will always be room - my heart is just getting stretched in all the right ways!).

Watching my husband serve me has helped me feel loved, cared about and safe in our relationship. It has also made me want to find more ways to serve my husband!

It has taken me almost eight years of marriage, but I think I am finally discovering that service is one of the great secrets to a happy marriage. In fact, it is A CENTRAL AND NECESSARY KEY for a successful and well-nurtured marriage. I'm sure of it.

So, if you are looking for something you can do to improve your marriage immediately, find a way to make the life of your spouse a bit better, a bit easier, and a bit more joyful, here are 100 ideas to get you started. Although I'm sure you will find your own way to "deep-clean the blinds" for your spouse. Just trust me, simple acts of service are bound to improve your marriage relationship in big ways.

1. Move the laundry.

2. Cuddle up with him in the morning for a few extra minutes.

3. Bake your wife's favorite treat for her.

4. Take her car to get detailed.

5. Don't complain about anything for 24 hours.

6. Be available to talk.

7. Flirt with him and initiate intimacy.

8. When your wife comes in the door after going grocery shopping, jump up and carry in all the groceries for her.

9. If you notice that the carpet hasn't been vacuumed in awhile, vacuum it.

10. When your husband is sick, wait on him hand and foot.

11. Plan a surprise trip for the two of you.

12. Compliment her in front of your friends.

13. Write an encouraging note and leave it on his pillow.

14. Send her a thoughtful text.

15. Let him sleep in.

16. Be quick to forgive - every time.

17. Pick up that prescription for her.

18. Point out what he is good at and why you love that about him.

19. Sincerely ask what you can do to simplify her day.

20. Send your husband off to the driving range for a few hours on a Saturday, while you take care of things at home.

21. Make her take a night off to do something she wants to do.

22. Schedule that appointment for him.

23. Hold her hand in the car.

24. Mop the floor.

25. Plan a super fun date for the two of you - hit up the archery range, play laser tag, eat double-bacon cheeseburgers, you name it.

26. Always empty the dishwasher when it is clean, never leave it.

27. Work on changing something you do that consistently bugs your spouse.

28. Mow the lawn for him.

29. Hug your wife - tight - for at least three minutes.

30. Don't complain when she has to stay late at work.

31. Suggest that she pick the show for you two to watch.

32. Heart attack his car.

33. Run to Walgreens at midnight to pick up feminine items for her when that time of the month surprises her. "‹

34. Thank him for his advice.

35. Turn on your song and start dancing.

36. Stay home from a guy's night out to just spend time with your wife.

37. Ask, "Hey, what can I do for you?"

38. Buy her that piece of exercise equipment she has been wanting.

39. Help him check something off of his bucket list.

40. Find out what is stressful to him and find a way to help him out.

41. Give him a back rub.

42. Make her lunch for her every day before she leaves for work.

43. Take the night shift when the kids (or dog) wake up.

44. Say something kind to him when he walks in the door, like, "My favorite person just walked in the door."

45. Choose to be happy and positive.

46. Leave the last bit of milk for him so he has enough for his cereal in the morning.

47. Wear her favorite cologne at home, because you know she loves it.

48. Buy tickets for a date night to his favorite concert without him knowing.

49. Whisper, "You are beautiful," in her ear.

50. Listen to him and don't interrupt.

51. Make his eggs in the morning, just the way he likes them.

52. Ask her to teach you how to do something she is good at. "‹

53. Clean out the garage.

54. Thank him for something specific. "‹

55. Give her a foot rub.

56. Rent his favorite movie and cuddle up with him to watch it.

57. Pick fresh flowers for her.

58. Smile every time she looks at you.

59. Be happy for him when he gets to do cool things for work.

60. Come home from work early for a surprise date night.

61. Find a babysitter so you can go on an overnight getaway. "‹

62. Put toothpaste on her toothbrush.

63. Surprise him at work and take him out to lunch.

64. Fill up his car with gas.

65. Send him an email just to say, "Thanks." "‹

66. Pay the bills without having to be reminded.

67. Help her with her physical therapy after surgery.

68. Cheer her on at her softball game.

69. Get ready well ahead of time so you will be on time for her big event (since you tend to be late).

70. Put a new roll of toilet paper on instead of leaving it empty.

71. Cook a romantic dinner for her and eat it by candlelight.

72. Change the baby's diaper.

73. Write a note on the mirror with dry erase markers.

74. Clean the toilets.

75. Workout together and motivate him with his running goals.

76. Turn off your game and ask her to go on a walk with you.

77. Put the kids to bed and draw a bath for her.

78. Encourage her when she is feeling nervous or doubtful.

79. Pay him a very sincere and very specific compliment.

80. Weed the back patch that always needs weeding.

81. Hold the door open for her.

82. Clean the hairs out of the shower that she "accidentally" left there.

83. Tell him that he looks like a hunk.

84. Take his car in for an oil change.

85. Ask her what you can do to help her accomplish her dreams.

86. Say, "You look really beautiful."

87. Tidy up his desk for him.

88. Turn on his favorite station when you are in the car together.

89. Encourage her to go have an evening out with her friends.

90. Cut his hair.

91. Pickup shaving cream for him when you notice he is out.

92. Buy her that bag she has been wanting.

93. Wink at her from across the room.

94. Talk positively about him in front of his buddies.

95. Make intimacy a higher priority.

96. Thank her for all that she does.

97. Attend his Dr.'s appointment with him.

98. Kiss her when you walk in the door.

99. Listen to his advice and follow it.

100. Say, "I love you," more often.

Editor's note: This article originally appeared on Aaron & April's blog, undefined. It has been republished here with permission.

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No one likes being sick, but it happens to everyone from time to time. Sometimes it's a cold that passes in a couple of days; other times, it's a broken bone that includes months of recovery. Occasionally, it's a much more serious illness -mental or physical - with long-lasting effects.

Whatever the case, dealing with illness in marriage is never easy. However, when your spouse gets sick, it creates an opportunity for a little extra service in your marriage. Magically, this selflessness can bring you closer together than perhaps you've felt in a while.

Here are five things to try the next time your spouse is feeling under the weather:

1. Show a little empathy

Empathy has been defined as "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another". Your spouse needs to know you care about them, you hate seeing them suffer and that you will stay by their side every step of the way.

Your empathetic words and actions will lift your spouse, encourage hope, and help them endure through long (and sometimes very boring) days. Ask, "How are you doing?" and then just sit and listen. Offer words of encouragement, such as, "You are so tough. I'm proud of you. You're going to get through this". Try asking if there's anything you can do that will make him or her feel more comfortable.

When your sick spouse feels like you understand their challenges, that you will take care of them, and that everything is going to be okay, their burden will become much lighter. Your empathy won't magically make your spouse better but it will change how they feel in here (I'm pointing to my heart, here). Your empathy will let your suffering spouse know they have a true companion and best friend who will be with them through any challenge.

2. Be their greatest strength

It can be hard to stay strong (emotionally and spiritually) when you are physically sick, weak and in pain. Although your spouse may appear to put on a strong front, inside that may not be the case.

You can be your spouse's greatest strength through this sickness. You know them better than anyone else. So, be their shoulder to cry on, their chef to fix fancy chicken noodle soup and their lover to offer hugs, kisses, and plenty of cuddles. You are the one who can hold your spouse and tell them everything will be okay. You can offer hope and encouragement. You can be cheerful, optimistic, and strong - so they don't have to be. When you are strong for your spouse it is empowering. Your strength will re-energize your spouse and give them strength to carry on.

3. Show a little more patience

It's true. Your spouse may be a bit grumpy. Or bored. Or tired. Or, in the case of a tonsillectomy, hangry. Sometimes sickness breeds moodiness and tempers are more short than usual. Give your spouse a break. He or she simply doesn't feel like being their normal, more positive self. So, remember, supporting your spouse includes showing a little more patience than normal (or a lot more!).

Have you ever heard the saying, "patience is a virtue"? Well, it's true. Patience is a virtue. It's a virtue that can be cultivated with practice and more practice, and more practice. Don't snap at your spouse if they are grouchy. Don't complain that you are doing so much for your spouse and they aren't showing much gratitude. Just be patient and give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Put yourself in their shoes, and be grateful that you are feeling as well as you are!

4. Do a little more

It takes a lot of work to keep a family going - especially when there are children involved. And unfortunately, when your spouse gets sick, the amount of work that needs to be done grows exponentially. If your spouse is sick, step it up and do a little more.

Play the role of super-hero and forget about yourself for a few days. Try and serve your spouse in any way possible. Think to yourself, "What will make their life easier? What can I take off their plate? What will make them more comfortable?" Make dinner (or maybe go pick it up!), fold the laundry, put the kids to bed, run to the store and grab medicine, write a love note, change the sheets on the bed, etc. Doing a little more will will help your spouse a lot - and it will show them how much you love them.

5. Remind them how much they mean to you

Whenever I'm sick, I quickly remember how much I need my wife and how much I appreciate having her by my side. It's interesting that I also feel the same way when she's the one not feeling well. It is often in those moments that I realize how much she does and what big shoes she fills. In either situation, my appreciation and love for her grows. Whether we're on the giving or the receiving end, that's the magic of service.

So, if your spouse isn't feeling well, give them a little extra love and let them know how much they mean to you. Be positive, be grateful and be happy. Hug them, hold their hand, rub their back, kiss their cheeks and let them feel how much you love them (runny nose and all).

Oh, and a quick word to the sick spouse..

Sorry you are sick. You probably have noticed your spouse doing an inordinate amount of little things for you. Be sure to express appreciation for all they are doing.

• Smile whenever they walk in the room.

• Say, "Thank-you babe," all the time.

• If you are up for it, shower. Often.

• Try not to whine. You can be tough. You can also be real. Just try not to whine.

• Tell your incredible spouse, "I love you," whenever possible.

Sickness doesn't have to be such a negative, discouraging thing. See it as an opportunity to nurture your marriage, express appreciation and grow closer together as husband and wife. Now, go wash your hands and try not to spread any germs!

Editor's Note: Originally published on Aaron and April's blog Nurturing Marriage. It has been republished here with permission.

The post 5 ways to care for a sick spouse appeared first on FamilyToday.

Little things.

You used to do them all the time, way back before you got married.

And then something happened — life.

If you are feeling a bit stuck in your relationship, and if you want your spouse to fall crazy-in-love with you all over again, then it's time to take a step back and focus on creating more positive interactions with each other — and fewer negative ones.

Yes, it's time to start finding ways to serve your spouse to truly meet his or her needs.

It's time to start nurturing your marriage, in little ways, to create the kind of marriage you both want.

So here are 25 little things you can do today to make your spouse crazy about you:

1. Fold the laundry and put it all away in one day

2. Hand-write a note to your wife, telling her she is beautiful

3. Get ready a little quicker for your date so your husband doesn't have to wait so long

4. Clean his car

5. Let her sleep in

6. Sit down to play a board game together to talk, laugh and flirt

7. Give a welcome-home hug that lasts for two solid minutes

8. Offer a sincere compliment, telling him what a great father he is

9. Give him a back scratch while you watch football together

10. Clean the toilet

11. Be first to say "I'm sorry"

12. Make her favorite dinner

13. Pick up her favorite soda

14. Stay within the budget

15. Declutter that junk pile on the bedroom dresser

16. Watch that chick flick with her, even though you don't really dig chick flicks

17. Take a walk around the block while holding hands

18. Be cheerful and positive after work

19. Kiss goodbye every single morning with an "I love you"

20. Put your phone down and really listen to him

21. Play footsies under the kitchen table during dinner

22. Call her on your lunch break just to check in and hear about her day

23. Empty the dishwasher

24. Ask him out on a spontaneous milk-shake date

25. Send a quick text to say thanks for something specific you appreciate about him/her

These may seem like simple things to do, but they will make a huge difference in the overall health and well-being of your marriage.

Little things like these tell your spouse, "I'm here for you," "I love you," "I care about you," "I want to make your day" and "You mean the world to me."

As your spouse receives these messages, he or she will feel confident in your love, and more close and connected to you.

And that is a recipe for a very happy, healthy and well-nurtured marriage.

This article was originally published on Nurturing Marriage. It has been republished here with permission.

The post 25 little things you can do to make your sweetheart crazy about you appeared first on FamilyToday.