Why is this important? Couples who apply equal partnership practices in their marriages tend to have greater emotional connection, increased respect and care for each other’s needs, greater trust, and greater relationship stability, quality, and intimacy.

These are pretty remarkable benefits a married couple can share.

Most couples want to have an equal partnership marriage, but many husbands and wives may not understand how to build this type of marriage. In fact, some spouses think that equal partnership means that both the husband and wife need to contribute to all aspects of home and family life in an identical way—both work outside the home, both divide household responsibilities 50/50, and both take care of children equally. They soon find out that this is too exhausting and not realistic.

If you asked your millennial neighbors, they would say that you need to make sure the distribution of marital power feels fair to both the husband and wife, as this builds the foundation of trust in the marriage. This allows you to influence each other with your individual, couple, and family needs and goals. It’s about having attunement to each other’s opinions and needs so that you notice, understand, and engage with each other’s emotional state. In other words—it’s important that you really get each other.

How do you reach this level of attunement? It’s all about communicating well—both sharing and listening. Good communication allows you to become aware of the thoughts, feelings, and desires of your spouse and empowers you to meet each other’s needs. An article in Psychology Today spoke of this as a collaborative negotiation that is not dictated by gender roles or traits, but rather, by the talents, desires, and skills of each spouse.

Since good communication is vital to an equal partnership marriage, consider communicating with your spouse about these five important topics.

Finances

Even if one partner takes the lead with finances in your relationship, it’s important that you both openly communicate about and have an equal say in how you use your money. This is crucial as money is one of the leading causes of conflict in marriages today, and many couples struggle with complete openness and transparency surrounding money.

Encouraging research shows that couples can have more stability and higher relationship quality, as well as feel more empowered, when both spouses are involved in the financial process. This same study also found that when couples hold joint bank accounts, they feel more secure in their relationship. Power feels more equal in the relationship when both spouses have access to money and participate in money management, and not surprisingly, less conflict occurs.

Household Responsibilities

Because your millennials neighbors aren’t as tied to specific roles when dividing household responsibilities, they are able to communicate about what they prefer to do and what they feel they are good at. This makes the sharing of household responsibilities more enjoyable for each spouse.

Another aspect to consider when communicating about household responsibilities is the equal value of paid work and unpaid care work. Unpaid care work refers to the work that individuals do that support the family but doesn’t directly generate household income. This could include cooking, cleaning, and caring for children, the ill, and the elderly.

Whether your family has a single or dual income, understanding that all work is equally important takes the hierarchal stigma away from who is making more money and places it on how to support each other in all areas of family life—including the division of household responsibilities.

Children

Research shows the importance of both parents being involved in children’s lives, as each parent can influence their children in different but essential ways, which enables greater social and emotional skills.

Because of this, it is important for parents to have good and ongoing communication about which spouse takes the lead with school, doctors’ appointments, extra-curricular activities, and other aspects of your children’s lives. This will look different in every family, but as you support each other in the care of your children, you not only can increase the stability of your marriage, but you can also see an increase in your relationship satisfaction. Equal partnership marriages are a win for the couple and the children.

Hidden Work

As you strive to have an equal partnership marriage, it’s beneficial to communicate about the mental load that is tied to all family responsibility. The mental load involves the planning, organizing, remembering, and worrying about the many family responsibilities including paid work and the work of family caregiving.

Sometimes couples only communicate about who is responsible for carrying out a task, but it is also important to communicate about who is responsible for “thinking” about the task. Making this hidden work as much a part of your conversations as the visible work is a way to check in and make sure that your spouse is not feeling overly burdened with their share of the load.

Gatekeeping

As a couple, you may need to communicate about gatekeeping, as this is a common obstacle in attaining an equal partnership marriage. One researcher described gatekeeping as “a collection of beliefs and behaviors that ultimately inhibit a collaborative effort between men and women in family work.”

You can overcome gatekeeping by giving up control over specific household or childcare responsibilities. This opens the gate and allows your spouse to learn to do the task well and to do it in their own way. If asked, you can give instruction to your spouse, but you should then back off, extending respect and freedom for your spouse to handle the responsibility in the way they prefer.

Persistence and Practice To Attain an Equal Partnership Marriage

You can establish an equal partnership marriage through persistence and practice. It won’t be a seamless process, yet through commitment, patience, and forgiveness—and good communication—it is possible. One mental health professional said it this way, “Healthy relationships are not made up of two people who split everything evenly—they are made up of two people who have figured out how to split responsibilities in a way that makes sense for them and doesn’t feel like too much of a burden.”

The post What Is an Equal Partnership Marriage Anyway? appeared first on FamilyToday.

As adults, we often look back on our childhood and realize that our family—especially our parents—shaped us into who we are today. While perfect parents don’t exist, there are valuable things we as parents can do as we raise our children that allow them to look back at their childhood with gratitude and appreciation. Children will remember very few specific things from daily interactions, conversations, lessons, lectures, etc., but they will always remember the feelings and emotions they experienced while growing up in our homes.

While raising our children, we may often feel overwhelmed, and we might wonder what our children will remember from their childhood. Here are five things children never forget about their parents.

1. Children will remember how you express love.

All adults remember how their parents made them feel. Positive and negative feelings are part of every parent-child relationship. The goal for parents is to increasingly act in a way that children associate words such as loving, caring, affectionate, kind, encouraging, supportive, trusting, and protective with who we are as a parent. A study from researchers at Harvard found an association between parental warmth or love in childhood and flourishing later in life. In other words, children who have loving parents in childhood prosper emotionally, psychologically, and socially as adults.

Many parents are concerned that they may not be getting it right. Considering that there are healthier types of parenting styles, it may be wise to figure out your style and make any needed changes that can improve your parent-child relationship. The authoritative style of parenting is connected with warmth and responsiveness and is recommended by experts. This parenting style is associated with outcomes of higher academic performance, self-esteem, social skills, less mental illness, and lower delinquency in children. 

2. Children will remember how you discipline.

Just as we remember how our parents disciplined us, our children will remember how we discipline them, and our way of disciplining can carry on into the next generation. All parents understand how frustrating it is to have a disobedient or misbehaving child. All parents have said or done things while disciplining their children that they thought they would never say or do. We have been told that spanking and yelling do not lead to better behavior in children—yet we may resort to spanking because we haven’t experienced positive discipline examples in our own lives. 

What are positive discipline techniques? These are strategies that will teach our children to manage their behavior, keep them from harm, and promote healthy development. These strategies might look slightly different within each family but may include modeling positive behaviors, setting consistent and age-appropriate rules with clear consequences, listening to our children’s opinions while helping them develop independence and reasoning skills, aiding our children in understanding the emotions they are experiencing, and redirecting poor behavior choices. Your confidence as a parent will grow as you see your children respond positively to these healthier ways of disciplining.

3. Children will remember how you value family time.

Children will remember the value you place on planned family time. Planned family time not only builds stronger family relationships but promotes healthy social and emotional skills. Something as simple as holding regular family dinners increases your child’s communication skills, mental well-being, self-esteem, and grade-point average. Consider that every time you choose to play outside, play board games, or play make-believe with your children, you are also helping to protect them against childhood stress and are teaching them social and emotional resilience. 

You can feel confident planning your next family trip or family outing knowing that you are giving your children exactly what they need. A study published in the Journal of Consumer Research confirms that money spent on experiences instead of toys promotes stronger social relationships. Family trips, even free or inexpensive outings, teach the importance of making memories and enjoying the experience of spending time together. Children will also remember that you valued their time as you show up to support them in their school, music, sport, or other events. 

4. Children will remember your example.

Children will remember your example. Researcher Brené Brown writes, “Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting. In terms of teaching our children to dare greatly in the ‘never enough’ culture, the question isn't so much ‘Are you parenting the right way?’ as it is: ‘Are you the adult that you want your child to grow up to be?’” 

All parents face this simple and humbling truth—our children will learn to engage with the world by watching us engage with the world. Our actions portray our family values. If we want our children to be kind, well-mannered, trustworthy, hardworking, responsible, faithful, empathetic, and patient—we need to mirror these virtues. Our children will learn to interact with each other and with others outside of the family group by watching the example of our interactions. And what happens if we mess up in these interactions? This turns into a learning experience that has the potential to greatly influence our children as they watch us model a needed course correction or a needed apology.

5. Children will remember your family traditions.

Children will connect our unique family traditions with who we are as a family. Family traditions—large and small—strengthen family bonds and create lasting memories. Bryan Zitsman, a marriage and family therapist, suggests keeping traditions “simple, but personal, and focus on strengthening the love and togetherness in your family.” Traditions surrounding holidays, such as carving jack-o-lanterns or decorating Christmas trees are easy to recognize but don’t underestimate the value added by smaller traditions that also build shared meaning and greater family connection. Many family traditions have come about because of an activity that was loved and was easy to repeat, such as pizza and a movie on Friday nights, Sunday game night, or cinnamon rolls on the first snowstorm of the year. 

A tradition can even be a simple ritual. I spoke with one adult who recalled with fondness his mother opening the blinds every morning and saying, “Good morning world, it’s a beautiful morning.” This son came to expect and look forward to this ritual. Repeated family rituals, such as family prayer and giving thanks, also have the benefit of strengthening values that you want to emphasize in your family. Intentionally incorporating family traditions and rituals may improve your children’s self-worth, and your children’s health and academic achievement, while bringing lasting memories that they may carry with them into their adult lives.

The post 5 Things Children Never Forget About Their Parents appeared first on FamilyToday.

You may have heard about the importance of emphasizing whole foods or shopped at supermarket chains that emphasize these products. But whether you subscribe to a particular philosophy or prefer a particular market, the idea is the same: choosing to include more whole foods such as fruits, vegetables, legumes, and whole grains in the family diet. To be clear, whole foods are those that are eaten in their natural state with minimal processing. It’s the difference between offering slices of oranges instead of fruit snacks to your preschooler. In this instance, the sugars are all natural to the orange and no added ingredients introduce added calories, preservatives, or artificial flavors.

The good news is that incorporating more of these whole foods significantly decreases the likelihood of heart disease, cancer, and high cholesterol. In fact, whole foods can even increase mental well-being. These unpackaged foods are packed with vitamins, minerals, proteins, carbohydrates, and fiber, aiding in the proper development of children’s bodies and brains so they can grow to their full potential. And while we might be onboard with these ideas, children may have a hard time changing their eating habits or seeing the value of whole foods.

Here are a few things you can do to create a whole-foods mindset in your home.

Start Gradually

Gradually adding whole foods into your meals will not only make it easier for your family to adapt to a new way of eating, but it also gives you time to learn to prepare and include these foods as an integral part of family mealtime. Begin by adding a fruit or vegetable to each meal or snack, then add more whole grains and legumes. Search the Internet for step-by-step instructions on how to cook dried beans, lentils, brown rice, quinoa, etc. Try new recipes, and gain confidence in what you are learning. As you introduce a new food to your children, consider small portions and don’t have high expectations that your children will immediately eat it and love it.

Parents often give up too soon when introducing a new food to their children—in fact it frequently takes up to 20 exposures or more to a food before children will be willing to eat it. Scheduled family meals and snacks provide the framework for that frequency and repetition to happen. While it can be discouraging and feel wasteful as children repeatedly reject offered food, the long-term benefits are that children will become increasingly open to trying new and healthy foods. Kids Eat in Color encourages “parents to think small portions for small kids. . . as it’s okay for kids to ask for more.”

Salad recipes with a variety of toppings are a great way to add the recommended daily amount of fruits, vegetables, nuts, and legumes. Keep on hand an assortment of fresh fruit and vegetables to make it easier to choose a whole food for a dinner side dish or a snack for your child. For a quick nutrient dense snack, cut up an apple to dip in peanut butter or serve vegetable sticks to dip in hummus. Frozen fruits and vegetables count too since most nutrients are preserved during the freezing process. Buy whole grain breads and cereals. If short on time, simplify meal preparation by purchasing canned whole beans, packaged salads, and cut vegetables. Remember that you don’t have to completely change your diet overnight.

As a parent, you may see the value of adding whole foods to your family diet, but because of personal circumstances, you might not have the time, energy, or money for a complete overhaul. Acknowledge small successes, such as including a side vegetable with the box of macaroni and cheese or frozen pizza. Small healthy changes in the food you offer your family add up, and these changes gradually create a healthier lifestyle.

Teach Children to Recognize Whole Foods.

Your children can learn about the importance of whole foods as you share your enthusiasm for their value. To teach them about a healthy and balanced diet, introduce them to the Harvard Healthy Eating Plate. This resource provides a visual representation of healthy whole foods, such as whole grains, fruits, and vegetables. Maybe make placemats of this plate, hang a picture on the fridge, or keep a copy near the table to create a talking point. Having the visual nearby makes it easy to refer to in discussions about the whole foods you are eating and the good these foods can do for growing bodies.

As children begin to recognize healthy food, remember to “not label foods as good or bad, as this can lead to an unhealthy relationship with food. The goal” stated Dr. Kristen Fuller “is to teach a positive, open-minded approach to food while giving kids options to choose their own food and to learn the nutritious value of what they put in their bodies.”

In an article about how to trick your brain into liking vegetables, the author states that “regular family meals give parents the opportunity to expose children to new foods and model their own healthy eating habits. Research indicates that when families eat together often, meals are higher-quality, with more fruits and vegetables.”

Include Children in Food Preparation and Gardening

While new foods may intimidate children, allowing them to help prepare and cook the new item can be another start in encouraging them to be healthier eaters. One article suggests that you allow your child to weekly choose a new fruit or vegetable to try, then allow your child to help in preparing the fruit or vegetable and serving themselves.

Allowing children to see, touch, smell, and then taste the foods can create a greater interest and desire to try unfamiliar new foods. As she introduces a new food, one mother takes a tactile approach—she lets her young children touch it, smell it, and then lick it before they eat it. To help your children feel successful at each meal, make sure to include at least one whole food item that the child is familiar with eating—maybe as simple as baby carrots.

Preparing can also include gardening. From planting seeds, to watering, to weeding, to harvesting, children who participate in gardening are often more willing to at least try what they have grown. Research supports the idea “that when kids help grow fruits and vegetables, they are more likely to eat more produce and try different kinds, too.”

Adding more whole foods to family meals takes thought and time but becomes easier with practice. As you make this investment, remember that you are not only improving the health of your family, but you are teaching your children important values about healthy eating. So, take advantage of this pandemic time to build healthier habits, such as making a plan for dinner, sitting down often as a family, eating and enjoying wholesome food, communicating and laughing with each other, and realizing the benefits of healthier eating in the home.

The post How to Get the Most Stubborn Eater to Enjoy Healthier, Whole Foods appeared first on FamilyToday.