Are you frustrated because your husband doesn't do what you want him to do? You've dropped dozens of hints for him to clean the dishes, but he still hasn't done them! Men are so frustrating.

I know because I frustrate my wife. But during the past 19 years, she has figured out a few tricks to get me to do what she wants, all while making me feel like I'm serving her, solving her problems and being a hero.

If you want your husband to do something for you, try these four suggestions.

1. Show appreciation with food and intimacy

The next time your husband actually does something you really wanted him to do, show appreciation by making him his favorite food or by initiating intimacy.

Telling your husband how much you appreciate him while being intimate or as he's eating his favorite pie will create a link in his brain that says, "Helping my wife makes me happy. I should help her more." And he will start to do more.

However, be careful about taking this too far. Sex is a sacred tool to bond with your husband and not to control him.

Nothing is more motivating for a man than for his wife to show him appreciation in the ways he loves most. After time, you'll be surprised how he'll notice you need something and do it for you without even being asked.

Showing appreciation is the secret.

2. Ask direct questions

Many women get upset because their husbands don't do what they ask. But dropping subtle hints isn't actually asking. Men don't hear them anyway, so stop getting upset by stopping the subtle hints. Men can't read your minds or decipher the subtle-hint code.

Just be direct.

Instead of saying to him, "I'm so tired. I wish the dishes would just clean themselves tonight," or "The trash is piling up. I think it's trash day today," simply ask, "Will you please do the dishes tonight? I'm exhausted from watching the kids all day. I would really appreciate your help."

The more direct your request, the more your husband will respond.

3. Tell him you need a listening ear only

Many arguments start because the woman justifiably complains to her husband and he provides an unwanted solution when all she wanted was a listening ear.

Men are solution-oriented and paid at work to solve problems. It's very difficult for a husband to hear a problem and not provide a solution, especially when the woman he loves is having the problem.

His instinct is to solve it and make her feel better. But providing solutions doesn't make her feel better because all she needs is a few minutes of adult conversation and a listening ear.

To avoid getting extra upset, just tell your husband upfront whether you want a listening ear or a solution. Remind him, "It's not about the nail."

4. Find out his love language and do it

Some men like physical affection; others like words of affirmation. And others feel love a different way. The key to getting your husband to do what you want is to show him you love him using his love language. Do this especially when you see him performing a task you really appreciate. He'll start to do more for you.

Find out his love language here.

Be patient and consistent with applying these four steps, and your husband will respond. One day he'll surprise you by doing something for you without even being asked.

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When I got married my dad gave me and my bride the most ridiculous advice (so I thought). "I want to tell you what to do when you no longer love your spouse."

After several years of marriage, three kids, and the monotonous grind of a demanding job, I started to hear the shoulder devil say, "Are you sure you married the right woman? Look at that woman over there. She has a much slimmer, athletic body. You don't love your wife anymore. You deserve someone better."

Following my dad's advice helped me shut out those tantalizing messages. Give your heart one last chance to fall back in love, save you from a life of regret, and save your kids (if you have kids) a lifetime of pain.

Here's the advice that saved my marriage:

1. Stop keeping secrets

"Secrecy is the tool the shoulder devil uses to break marriages apart" my dad said. We all make mistakes. It's human. Keeping it a secret, however, starts you down the slope of falling out of love and the longer you keep the secret, the further you fall.

If you find yourself down at the bottom of the cliff, climb back up by being honest with your spouse. Tell your secrets and ask for forgiveness. Commit today to being completely honest.

2. Stop viewing any form of pornography or reading romance novels

Nothing kills true love quicker than porn or reading erotic stories. You'll start comparing your spouse's body to what you see on the screen, or comparing your marriage to the fake plots in books. They will open the window to hearing the shoulder devil's tempting messages and will kill true love, not enhance it.

3. Remember your commitments to each other at the altar

You committed to each other, to your parents, to your friends, and to the world to "have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part." Remember what made you fall in love the first time and write a letter to your spouse how you first fell in love.

Over the last few years I've written over two dozen such notes and every time it has reminded me why I love her, how incredibly blessed I am and lucky I am. Whenever I start to hear the shoulder devil again, I write a letter.

4. Serve each other unconditionally with no expectation of having sex

For the next five days commit to serving your spouse with no expectation of receiving anything in return. You may not feel like doing anything nice but the action will produce the feeling.

Remember all the nice things you did for each other before getting married? Start doing them again. Loving your spouse by serving unconditionally will spark the feeling of love again in your heart.

After doing these four steps, my wife and I are closer physically, emotionally, and spiritually than we've ever been in our 19 years of marriage. Give your heart another chance at loving your spouse by following these four steps today.

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I had a sobering awakening last Father's Day. All three of my kids were asked to identify their Dad's favorite thing to do. All three of them answered with a certainty as they uttered two dreadful words, "Watch football"

Oh, the guilt. Do I really watch that much football? Not even my wife thinks so, but somehow that was etched into their innocent 10-year-old brains as my favorite thing to do. Where did I go wrong?

I started getting defensive and told them that I only watched about 30 minutes a week, and it just happened to be right before they wanted to watch their Saturday afternoon show. But the more I tried to debate my argument, the more I realized I was making the matter worse. Maybe I really did watch too much football for their liking.

I could not die with my kids thinking my favorite thing to do was watch football

So I started our family game night. Instead of turning on the TV, we played a different game each day for the next 40 days straight. We chose games from our messy closet that was starving for attention - just like my kids.

After a few weeks when I come home from work, all three kids raced to give me a hug. I loved hearing them say, "Let's play our family game!"�

The best part was how a small game led to us wrestling, laughing, creating our own games, playing outside, and making cookies. We didn't watch as much TV, but when we did watch I didn't feel guilty since we had already had a ton of family fun.

Does this mean I'm a great dad? Absolutely not. I still get mad, lose my temper, get frustrated and need a break from my kids. But at least I now have some great memories to counterbalance all the football I "apparently" watched.

Our family game nights don't happen every day anymore, more like once a week. I also started our Personal Papa Interviews (affectionately referred to by my kids as our weekly PPIs) where I have one-on-one chats with each child individually.

Through this experience I learned a valuable lesson from the viewpoint of my children's eyes - What I do speaks louder than what I say. I decided that since I will only have my children around me for a little while, I was going to create fond memories by playing lots of games and spending meaningful time with my family - a winning combination. Now, they don't have to guess where they rank. They know they are, in fact, my #1 priority.

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But after dropping the kids off at school on the first day back, my wife came home to find an empty house and was surprised she felt a twinge of guilt and loneliness. There was guilt because she felt she could have spent more time with the kids over the summer (I'm not sure how), and loneliness because the house was now empty and quiet. A few other moms I've spoken to felt the same way, so I asked my wife for three suggestions to help overcome those feelings of guilt and loneliness.

1. Record your summer memories

Create a summer scrapbook, download and annotate all the pictures you've taken, write in your journal, edit those summer videos or just do something to record those priceless family memories. The summer has been fun and fast. So take a few minutes to remember those fun summer days.

Every few years I create a family video with some of the best family pictures. Out of the thousands of pictures that we take, I pick several dozen and put them to music and annotate them to highlight some of our best memories. The kids get a huge kick out of watching themselves and remembering all the fun they've had. I've cried a few times watching it as it takes us down memory lane and helps me appreciate the moment.

2. Exercise and take a nap

When was the last time you had a few minutes to yourself? Take the opportunity to take care of yourself by exercising (so you don't feel lazy), then take a well-deserved nap so you are at the top of your game when the kids come back home.

If a full-blown workout is too daunting, then grab a friend or your dog and get out of the house for a walk. It's amazing how just a walk around the park with the sun shining on your cheeks can make you feel so much better. Your mind and body will feel alive and rejuvenated. It may be difficult to muster the strength to get out, but once you do, the reward is exhilarating.

3. Make a treat

While the children are at school, make some cookies so you get to eat as much cookie dough as you want. When they come home from school, sit and talk about their day but don't just ask "How was your day?"� Ask them specific questions such as what they played at recess, how they liked going to the library, what frustrated them that day, how they liked or disliked math or art and more. The more specific your question is, the more specific their answer will be. This could be the start of a fabulous after-school tradition.

Remember that there are many other women who are feeling just a little blue, so make some triple-chocolate brownies, go over to their house and enjoy some treats together. You will feel so much better.

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It all started as we boarded the plane in Washington, D.C. with our double stroller. With both kids strapped in, five carry-on bags piled high and two car seats, we could see the looks of disbelief in everyone's eyes. Those stares set the tone for what was to become everyone's worst flight.

All hopes for quiet and sleep were dashed as soon as we took off. My daughter asked me for her favorite snack. As I searched for her raisins, the nightmare began - the raisins were missing. She exploded into the longest and loudest 2-year-old tantrum and would not stop. No matter what I tried, my kids neither slept nor kept quiet, and the DVD player didn't help either. No matter how many times I hushed them or held them, no matter how many other snacks I offered them, neither my kids nor the 150 other passengers on that late flight ever got a wink of sleep or a minute of peace and quiet.

Thinking it couldn't get any worse, a distinct smell, unique to dirty diapers, started permeating the cabin. The stewardess wouldn't let me stand to hold her or go to the bathroom to change her messy diaper because the seat belt sign was illuminated. Not only was everyone blasted with heart-startling screams, they were also bombarded with the awful fumes. Nobody slept, nobody breathed and nobody was happy.

We finally landed. Since it took me some time to gather everything, and because we sat near the front, hundreds of passengers passed us and glared through tired and frustrated eyes. I stared at the ground not daring to meet anyone's eyes.

I recently read an article called "Mom prepared for plane demonstrates parenting ideals." This article discusses how one mother with two small children took the perfect flight, without a single peep from the kids. Holy cow, how I wished I had met that mother before my nightmare flight.

If you are about to take a flight with children, here are a few tips gleaned from the experience of this perfect mom, combined with what I would do differently, to help you avoid your own airplane nightmare.

Prepare in advance

Line up the chairs in your family room as though you are on the plane. Practice getting on and off the "plane" and make it fun and exciting so your kids will find it an adventure. Prepare them by reading your child a book about airplane travel a few days before taking the flight. Some books include "Airport," "That Noisy Airplane Ride" or "My First Airplane Ride."

Give each child his or her own personal carry-on

Let them choose their favorite snacks, books, journals and games. Bring some mystery items such as new coloring books, new puzzles or new picture books that they've never seen before to surprise them.

Take an iPad or iPhone

Take electronics with new games and movies to grab your child's attention. But make sure you have all your electronics fully charged.

Never fly at night

If your kids do act up during the flight, other passengers will be much more forgiving when they're not tired.

Don't sit near first class and stay close to the bathrooms

I don't care if the seat belt sign is illuminated, if I were closer to the bathroom I would have stood up anyway. And as people come and go, it provides free entertainment for your kids.

Do these tips actually work or was that perfect mother one in a million? I decided to put them to the test a few months ago and take that same flight from Washington, D.C. to Salt Lake City with all three of my kids (this time they were ages 7, 7 and 6). We talked about the flight in advance making it sound like an adventure, helped the kids pack their own snacks and helped them fill their own carry-on bags with their favorite games and books. We also brought two iPhones with several new games and movies. It was flawless and I actually received compliments from several passengers on how well the kids behaved. Phew.

Good luck on your next adventure.

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