1. Aim for perfection

From decorating the Christmas tree, to holiday dinners to the various holiday parties, you need to make sure perfection is the goal. Anything less than perfection would be a sure fire way to help you relax and enjoy yourself a bit more. So make your lists and check them twice, maybe three or four times. Then get going and don't stop. There's just no time when you've got perfection on your side.

2. Say "yes" to everything and whatever you do, DO NOT prioritize your time

This principle works best if you can squeeze two parties into your day following a long day of Christmas shopping at the malls. Whatever you do, do not make time for self-care. No relaxing baths, no time spent on the couch in your pajamas indulging in a favorite holiday story, and absolutely no thought can be given to what you want to do this holiday season.

3. Spend, spend, spend

. We all know that the spirit of Christmas comes in a square plastic card swiped wildly at various retailers. You have gifts to buy and people to make happy. You cannot believe the old saying that money doesn't buy happiness. It does. So get out there and blow your savings. Get yourself into a debt you can joyfully be reaping the benefits of months into the new year.

4. Focus on everything you don't have

. If there is a time of year to look inward and really focus on what you don't have, this is it. Don't look for ways to serve those around you, don't give to those less fortunate than you and make sure you find those around you that seem to have more and compare yourself to them. This will certainly be a nice addition to your holiday meltdown.

5. Ignore any difficult feelings that come up this time of year

. If you have lost a loved one, or find family times to be challenging, ignore it. Press through. Don't talk to anyone or honor your emotions. Remember the second principle: Don't take time out for you. Remember the "shoulds"� and how you should be feeling instead of being present with how you feel and knowing it too shall pass.

I hope this holiday meltdown guide has been helpful. All guarantees and claims are valid only IF this guide is followed precisely. Wishing you and your loved ones a stressful holiday filled with many meltdowns.

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March boldly into the "conversation" you've needed to have

We are constantly amazed at how many couples come to us with a concern. Then, when asked if they've ever brought it up with their spouse, they say, "No?" as if that's an idea that never occurred to them. A healthy and vital relationship demands constant and clear communication - all of the time. The more you actually talk with each other, listen, and spend time working through issues, the more your communication skills will grow, and your intimacy deepen. Additionally, there shouldn't be any topic that can't be discussed. If there is, now is the time to address it. Remember, as much as you may be tempted to "talk," also remember to be a curious listener and stay on topic. Having a much-needed conversation involves just as much "shutting up" as it does "opening up."

Don't think, DO

Sometimes we overanalyze and talk ourselves out of things because we fear rejection or we think we'll look "silly." On the other hand, sometimes it's those "silly" things that make the most lasting memories, or make someone's day. For example, if you're walking by a flower shop and think, "Hmmm, I think my spouse would like that, but I'm late. Maybe she won't like that color. I'll do it some other time," stop yourself. Pull out five bucks, and buy the flower. Sometimes, going with your first impulse is the right choice. Intimacy lives in the present - meaning now. Take a break from your worries about the future, and the disappointments of the past to enjoy the here-and-now. Dance with each other in the kitchen, play a spontaneous game of catch, or just sit next to each other on the couch for five minutes. The world will continue to spin while you pause to make sure your relationship remains the center of that world.

Spring into action

Spring is a time for renewal. It is a great time to review some of the relationship goals you might have set in January. It has been two long and dreary months since January. Maybe those goals have been forgotten. Take a look at what you wanted to do this year to enhance your relationship. Then, forgive yourself for getting a slow start and begin anew. It may mean starting a regular date night, or spending less time on the iPhone and more time with each other. Perhaps, it's going to bed early for quality time. Realize that you don't have to wait until next January to begin again. Get going now.

Check your lenses

Buying sunglasses is always a sure sign of spring and good things to come. Usually you have to try on a few pairs before you find the ones you like. It's also good to periodically check to see if you are looking at your relationship through a skewed lens. Are you filtering out the good things and only noticing and keeping an eye out for the negative? Check your lens and start noticing all of the things your partner is getting right. Then, tell them! Whether it's a little note, a quick phone or text, or an actual statement, the more you notice the efforts from your partner the more ongoing efforts you will see.

Be the partner you want to be

Think about the type of partner you dreamed of when you thought of marriage. Now, turn that focus on yourself. Are you being that type of spouse, or are you waiting for your partner to be how you want them to be? Why don't YOU take the first step and be that spouse you dreamed you would be. Do a self-inventory and create your plan to start showing up in your relationship in a way that is fulfilling to you. While it is nice to be loved, it is equally nice to love.

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1. Timing is everything

We can't emphasize this enough. Having a conversation about your intimate relationship isn't like having a conversation about what color you want to paint your room - especially if you're new to this kind of conversation. Women, tell your man you would like to talk with him about something important and that will only take 10 minutes, sometime within the next day or so. Then give him the chance to decide when that conversation could be. It will go much better if you don't just spring it on him. Men, don't try and bring this up while she is wrangling with kids, tired after a long day or right before you hope to be intimate. Take her for a walk or a drive where she will be able to give you her full attention.

2. Be honest with yourself first

Before you even attempt this conversation, take some time to figure out your own motive for doing so. What is your expectation? Are you looking to vent and blame? Share an idea? Express your dissatisfaction? Are you seeking a change as a result of your conversation? It's important to understand your underlying reasons and talk about those beforehand with your partner so that the conversation is productive and will bring you closer together, not farther apart.

3. Be an interested listener

Since these talks can be somewhat intimidating, it might be tempting to throw out a question like, "So, how do you think our intimate life is?"� and receive an answer like, "Good."� Then you think, "Okay, that was easy,"� and you move on to another topic. But is that really the information you were looking for? Try digging a little deeper by asking what your partner meant by "good."� Try asking him to tell you specific things he likes about your intimate relationship. You may be surprised what starts to come out with just a little prodding.

4. Make a positive sandwich

In other words, begin your conversation by pointing out what's working in your relationship - anything. If you like how your partner smells, and that's about it, start with that. This is your partner, someone who deserves your love and respect. Your partner will be more willing to listen to what you have to say if she feels you care about her feelings and the relationship. End the conversation on a positive note, thus creating a "positive sandwich"� with the two good things on either end of the conversation.

5. A little physical touch can be helpful

If you're going to have this conversation while walking or in the car, hold hands, touch knees or whatever you're comfortable with. A little touching lets your spouse know you are sincerely participating in the conversation as well as helping you feel connected during what can be a very vulnerable discussion.

6. Don't wander into other areas

If you are going to talk about intimacy, then only talk about intimacy. This is not going to be the time to air other grievances such as finances or whose turn it was to take the garbage out. It's always somewhat tempting, once you open the door to complaints to get defensive and take a stab at your partner. Try and remember why it is you were having the conversation in the first place and work to resolve that issue instead. Save the garbage talk for another time. If you consistently find you are unable to have any sort of meaningful discussion without it becoming heated and destructive, you may want to consider enlisting the help of a coach or therapist to help you learn how to more effectively navigate this area.

7. Invite a higher power to help you

Before you begin talking to your partner, take a few moments to truly center yourself and ask a higher power for help. You may receive greater clarity, have a more open and willing heart, and be able to listen to your partner without getting defensive. Also, this is a way to encourage spiritual intimacy within your relationship.

The post 7 ways to talk about intimacy with your spouse and still be friends appeared first on FamilyToday.

If we look at our life and our most meaningful relationships, we are often pulled by forces not in line with our "true north," or our internal map that consists of our values and authentic self. We can become reactionary, a pleaser, or an appeaser. Following our magnetic north causes us to operate for others, react instead of act, avoid perceived conflict and generally behave in a way that soothes the emotions of the moment - pain, anxiety, loss of control and so on.

Understanding the difference between magnetic north and true north allows us to truly chart the course we want to take. However, sometimes the difficulty lies not in the destination, but in the route. The key to taking the path right for you comes from a concept we often overlook - knowing.

Knowing your values

You may have the pat answer list like a well-versed boy scout, but what do you truly value? Time? Relationships? Money? Security? Really getting honest with yourself about what you value can give you your foundational platform on which to stand and protect. If you know you value your relationship, yet social events continually get in the way of spending time with your spouse, acting in line with your values regarding your relationship puts you in your "true north" state.

Knowing your preferences

If values are your foundation, preferences are the metaphorical interior design of you. Preferences are not necessarily character defining traits, simply things you like and dislike. Do you prefer catsup or BBQ sauce on your burger? Do you like flip flops or sandals in the summer? While these questions may seem simple, many people are so removed from their true north that they don't know what they prefer anymore because they are so busy accommodating others' preferences. If you find yourself saying "I don't know"� more often than not to questions about yourself and preferences, start finding answers to those questions by taking risks and experimenting. There are subtle variations in the path to our true north, and you'll be more productive if you know what you want.

Knowing your boundaries

Any map - even the metaphorical map to your true north - has boundaries. When we find we are frustrated, resentful, angry, or depressed, that can be an indication that our boundaries are not intact, and our emotional well-being pays the price. When we know our boundaries, we start saying "yes" when we mean yes, saying "no" and being OK and operating from our center - our true north.

Knowing you will disappoint

Lastly, if you have been living a magnetic north, others have gotten used to your approach to life and relationships. If your preferences have always defaulted to your partner's and if you've only acted on things you don't value, when you start giving yourself permission to have healthy boundaries, inevitably the people around you will feel that adjustment, as well. Understanding that people may react poorly as you start living more in line with yourself will free you up from taking it personally and taking it upon yourself to fix it, so they feel better.

The post Finding your true north – living authentically in your relationship appeared first on FamilyToday.

1. First, it's important to understand that every mom (and dad) has many worries, but when anxiety interferes with your ability to enjoy life, it needs to be addressed.

2. When you find yourself on the "hamster wheel"� of worry or fear, ask yourself the following:

• "Have I had enough water today?"� An anxious brain may be a dehydrated brain.

• "Am I breathing deep belly breaths?"� Shallow breathing deprives the brain of oxygen leading to fuzzy thinking.

• "Have I had enough rest today?"� Realizing your brain is sleep-deprived and is contributing to your anxiety can be helpful.

• "Am I engaging in 'What if?' thinking?"� If so:

3. Remind yourself that anxiety and fear are usually about either the past, which we cannot change, or the future which we cannot predict - both of which we have no control.

4. Bring your awareness back to the present... the room, the smells, the texture of the couch, your breath going in and out your nose, and sensations in your body.

5. Ask yourself, "What thoughts am I having that are bothering me and what is the evidence my fears are likely to come true? What action can I take today to help myself feel more in control and what can I let go?"�

6. Most importantly, share your worry and fears with a trusted person on a daily basis. Also, write them down before bed along with the doable actions to help you let the anxiety go and feel better. If fears and worries persist, seek the help of a professional therapist.

7. Caveat: Some moms may have scary thoughts or images that pop into their minds, which they can't control. Sometimes, these thoughts can even be about hurting the baby. If the thoughts and images are disturbing and bother the mom, this is a good sign! With psychotherapy and medication women usually find relief within a very short time for these common symptoms.

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