In Fyodor Dostoyevsky's "Crime and Punishment," one man's utter absorption in himself leads to his murdering not one but two people.

Within the first pages, we meet Raskolnikov, an ex-student who used to tutor children, a man who has grown so apathetic that his daily needs don't much matter to him anymore. He doesn't have any boots. He doesn't care much about the food his friends try bringing him.

Instead of finding a humane way to earn some much-needed money, Raskolnikov has been lounging around his apartment for several days, conjuring up a way to kill a rich (and, he thinks, horrid) old woman.

Selfish pride guides his refusal to return to teaching children. Raskolnikov wants money now - and, well, tutors don't get paid much.

So dissatisfied, so discontent is Raskolnikov that he murders for money. As James E. Faust once accurately noted, without gratitude, "rebellion often enters" - rebellion against beauty, decency and honesty. How different Raskolnikov's life might have been if he'd had a grateful heart!

In short, gratitude makes virtuous people, but ingratitude has the power to destroy souls.

When life pulls us down, how do we keep ourselves from falling so far into the hole of ingratitude that it consumes us entirely? Here's what eight of the world's finest teachers have to say.

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others."

-Marcus Tullius Cicero

Finding things to be grateful for, even during the hardest times, helps you recognize when others are in need. Gratitude helps you notice that others are there to support you. It helps you see that God is there.

"Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance." -Eckhart Tolle

Don't waste your time wishing you had something you don't, failing to acknowledge what you do possess.

"God gave us minds to think with and hearts to thank with. Instead, we use our hearts to think about the world as we would like it to have been, and we use our minds to come up with rationalizations for our ingratitude." -Douglas Wilson

The world isn't perfect, and life is unfair at times. But there is always joy and goodness on this earth. You have no excuse not to be grateful for that goodness!

"We pray for the big things and forget to give thanks for the ordinary, small (and, yet, really not small) gifts." -Dietrich Bonhoeffer

There is always something to be grateful for. God blesses us with so much, and he blesses us continually each day.

"Thanksgiving is the enemy of discontent and dissatisfaction."

-Henry Allen Ironside

If you are searching for things to be grateful for each day, you won't have time to dwell on the things you lack!

"Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." -Marcel Proust

Notice the good qualities of those around you - how their influence has helped or changed you.

"Life without thankfulness is devoid of love and passion."

-John Henry Jowett

If you aren't grateful to those around you, how can you feel love toward them?

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it."

-William Arthur Ward

It's not enough just tofeel grateful. Most of us know what it feels like to sacrifice time and resources for others without even hearing a word of thanks. Write a note. Send a text. Bake "thank you" cookies. Perform an act of service in return.

Remember Raskolnikov, a man so discontent that he refuses his own redemption. It isn't until he opens his heart in love and gratitude that he is able to step on the path of change.

Don't let ingratitude mulitate your soul. A better life lies ahead!

The post How not saying ‘thank you’ might kill you appeared first on FamilyToday.

She was always worried she would lose everything that mattered most to her - so frightened of losing a best friend that she never tried to make one, so concerned about ruining her favorite shirt that she never even wore it...

And she never lost a thing, but she hated every second of her life and died bitter, alone with her stomach ulcers.

THE END.

This sounds utterly ridiculous, right? Well, that's because it is. But how often do we waste our own precious lives worrying? We waste time, giving ourselves queasy stomachs. We ask, "What if this were to happen?" And, most often, we end up never having to face the answer.

I'm a bit of a hypocrite because I'm a worrier.

I worry about what I'm going to eat for breakfast when nothing sounds good. I worry about getting the flu, consuming too much junk food, what so-and-so must think of me. I fret about the party I'm hosting. I think my husband will get in a horrible car accident every time I send him off on errands.

It's normal to worry about some things, and it's even good to do so sometimes - to a certain extent. If you didn't care whether your husband made it home safely or not, that would be a problem. Caring about his safety shows you love him.

But are you letting irrational fears take over your life? I had a counselor tell me once that, frankly, when we have irrational fears, we're afraid of dying. And, well, being so afraid of dying all the time essentially brings about one's demise - whether literally or figuratively, wasting life like the sad girl in our story.

Along with any worry you may face, there must be faith. Faith should control your feelings and actions. Use these three suggestions to help you bring faith to the forefront of your life, pushing needless worry aside.

Ask yourself logical questions, and act on the answers

I have spent many a sleepless night worrying about something I needed to get done. But for what? I couldn't very well have done anything about it at 1AM. Most of the time, the things we need to do can wait until the morning. We often waste our time fretting instead of acting.

Instead, tell yourself, "I can't do anything about it now," and write down what you will do about your problem in the future. Then, relax and know that all will be taken care of as soon as possible.

Tell yourself you've done the best you can do

I think the best way to illustrate this concept is with a real example.

For many of us, our biggest worries stem from our children. My first is growing inside my uterus right now, and I've already found myself worrying about him or her. The worries I have are truly fruitless. What if I lose the baby? What if he or she has neurofibromatosis? These are things I can't totally control. Sure, I can take care of myself and make sure I don't go skydiving while I'm pregnant, but the rest is truly up to genetics. There's nothing I can do.

But what about those with babies who have entered the world? What can they do to keep their children safe? Feed, clothe and shelter your kids. That's a good start.

But what about making sure our children don't go out and do anything stupid? Well, if you let worry take over, you won't be able to do your part: teaching your children to be wise. Teach children the difference between right and wrong. Explain what isn't good for them and why. Love them, and spend time with them.

Then comes the hard part: letting our children choose for themselves.

And, of course, we will worry. We should. But we can't control our children. Once we have done the best we can to teach them, we have to take a deep breath and tell ourselves we've done the best we can. We must have faith that our children will make wise choices.

And if they don't? We cannot blame ourselves - as long as we did our best to teach them. We can, however, continue to love our children and try to help them. But if we let worry take over, we won't know howto help them.

When you worry too much, not only do you waste time fretting and doing nothing about the problem, but you become closed to the influence that could help you: God.

Remember that God knows what He's doing, and He will help you

In Revelation 22:13 of the King James Bible, the Lord says, "I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last." God is omniscient, endless. He knows everything. Thus, He says, "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts (Isaiah 55:9, KJV)."

In other words, God knows what is best for us. Hence, we can declare, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28, KJV)."

Things will work out. Maybe not as soon as you would like, but they will work out as long as you do your very best. You can't just sit around and wait for God to fix things. "Faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone (James 2:17, KJV)."

Just remember: do what you can and trust God. Then, don't fret.

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There is someone who is perfect who can help you make these decisions together - peacefully. That person is God. If you include Him in your marriage through prayer, arguments can be resolved, questions answered and inspiration received. Your life will be filled with peace and unity.

Being "one flesh"

Ephesians 5:31 (King James Version) states that husbands and wives "shall be one flesh." Being one flesh means being unified and of single purpose. Of course, you are two people. Being "one flesh" is, therefore, difficult. But it is possible, despite differing opinions and interests.

The key is to love each other and to love God. Ephesians explains the importance of "submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God (5:21, KJV)." In other words, husbands and wives should love each other and God completely. Several verses of this same chapter in Ephesians (as well as the next chapter) emphasize the importance of including God in everything you do.

So, when it comes to decision-making, it is important to turn to God for advice. Proverbs 3:5-6 (KJV) explains, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

Mortals - due to limited knowledge, limited experience and imperfection - lack understanding. Isaiah explains this when he quotes God, saying, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts (55:8-9, KJV)."

But just how are God's "ways higher than our ways?" Let me share with you two personal experiences.

God's plan for me and my husband

The first personal example I'll share occurred before I was married, but the principles applied are the same. And, ultimately, my decision affected my future marriage.

After studying abroad in London in the spring of 2012, I longed to return there. When I heard about a program where students at my university could study at Cambridge for a semester, I had to go. I talked to the professor in charge of the program. He introduced me to a student who had gone, and it increasingly sounded like a perfect opportunity for the coming summer. But the more excited I became, the more uneasy I felt. I knew it would be hard for my parents to pay for another trip abroad, but my uneasiness was more than that, for I knew I could get funds if I looked hard enough. As I prayed about it, God seemed to be saying, "Katrina, I have other plans for you next summer." He didn't really explain what these plans were, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I wondered if those plans might involve a certain friend of mine ...

Well, it turns out I married that friend the summer I would have been away. Many would see my not going to Cambridge as a sacrifice. But I know it was for my greater happiness - not really a sacrifice at all.

After marriage, decision-making became something my husband and I did together. We felt good about waiting to have children until I graduated the following year. Not long after I graduated, the thought of babies pressed increasingly on our minds. Not sure if we merely wanted a baby or if God was telling us it was time, we began to pray both separately and together about the idea. We fasted. We attended religious services to seek answers.

Each of us received a similar response: "Now that Katrina has graduated, there is no reason for you to wait. Stop taking birth control, and we'll see what happens." A couple months later, our pregnancy test came out positive.

Things may be crazy when our little one comes this summer. My husband may have an out-of-state internship. But we know that we are on God's timing and that He will guide us as we decide where my husband should intern. All will work out.

A Promise

Ezra Taft Benson, a renowned religious leader who served as the United States secretary of agriculture from 1953 to 1961, emphasized the importance of including God in your family through daily prayer together. He testified, "The differences and irritations of the day melt away as families approach the throne of heaven together. Unity increases. The ties of love and affection are reinforced and the peace of heaven enters." He continued, "Individual and family problems are approached with confidence after invoking the favor of heaven."

Peace will reign in your families if you include God in your decisions, and you will be able to make the right choices that will bring you happiness.

The post How to become one with your spouse appeared first on FamilyToday.

But I was too worried about my busy life, my homework, how hungry I was.

Instead, I let my mother and aunt do most, if not all, of the caregiving. That included daily trips by bus and train to the hospital and constant nurturing in our home when Grandma was sent there to die.

Of course, this is all in hindsight. I was in high school - a teenager. I failed to, or would not, face the reality of the situation. Nobody blamed me for it, even if now we realize I should have done things differently.

If you or someone you care about find yourselves responsible for caring for an ailing loved one, don't be me. There are many ways - both simple and complex - to play a supporting role.

Play music

Do you play a musical instrument or sing? Why not perform some beautiful music for the caretaker and ailing loved one?

I remember a lady came to play music for my grandma on her harp. It was absolutely beautiful and so calming. It meant so much to my grandmother and mother.

Make food for the caretaker and his family

After feeding and caring for other people all day, the caretaker will be exhausted. Knowing that he and his family have something for dinner offers a huge relief, even if it's just for a day or two.

Go grocery shopping

If the caretaker is having an especially rough week, have him write up a grocery list. Then, run to the grocery store and buy what he needs. Consider throwing in a special treat.

Visit with the ailing loved one

Even just sitting with the ailing loved one and talking with him or her helps the caretaker. The caretaker could either stay and be lightened by the visit or take a breather. Knowing someone else cares about the loved one increases joy and feelings of support.

Clean the house

When someone is stressed, a pile of dishes can be what blows the top. Messiness creates tension. Take an hour or so to clean things up, and brighten the home and the overall mood.

Bring flowers or leave a kind note

Just knowing someone is thinking of you raises one's spirits. A simple note may do the trick. A bouquet of flowers will brighten the ailing loved one's room.

Be aware

I will never forget the support my mother's friend gave her. This friend couldn't take my mother's burden completely away, of course, but her friendship and love were priceless. She brought flowers. She checked on my mom and grandmother. When I was sick on Thanksgiving and couldn't go to the hospital with my mom to see Grandma, she invited my dad and me to join her family for the meal. I regret that we refused.

This friend simply remained aware of what was going on, and that's really all we needed.

Give the caretaker breaks

The best thing you can do for someone bearing such a heavy load is pull the weight for a while. This could mean taking over the actual caregiving for an hour or two or taking the caretaker's children somewhere for the afternoon. Give the caretaker less to worry about at once, allowing him to focus on other things that need to be taken care of - like rest.

Forget your own worries

If you feel you are too busy, that you have so many of your own worries that you can't think about someone else, remember that service helps solve your problems. You don't have to clean or shop for others every week, watch their kids every day or serenade them every evening. Sometimes, it's the little things that matter most. Often, just knowing how much you care is comfort enough.

The post No more excuses: Easy ways to assist your loved one’s caregivers appeared first on FamilyToday.

1. Make friends with your neighbors and don't judge

"It's you I like," Mr. Roger sings. He continues that it's not the way "you do your hair" but "the way you are right now. The way down deep inside you."

Mr. Rogers is friends with everyone from the speedy delivery man to the worker at the shoe store. It's easy to judge people by their appearances or mannerisms.

Try to get to know others as a real people. You'll be surprised.

2. Be kind; nobody's perfect

Ignoring as best we can her ginormous red nose, Lady Elaine is our nightmare neighbor. She is bossy, proud, ungrateful and she wants things her own way.

Don't be that neighbor.

Remember, even people like Lady Elaine aren't horrible human beings. Every time I see her singing boisterously with Handyman Negri (season 13, episode 2), I about die laughing. I'm sure you remember other moments. And, well, the people in the neighborhood love Lady Elaine and treat her with kindness, despite her weaknesses.

But let me give you a real-life example. Growing up, we had a neighbor who could see our entire yard from her back window. Nothing could go on in our yard without her calling a few minutes later to ask us about it. Needless to say, it made us uneasy and annoyed. She knew our daily yard work routine. I couldn't even go on a date without her waving at us from her window.

But, we loved her. All she needed was a friend. She'd had a tough life and was lonely. When it came down to it, she meant well, as did Lady Elaine.

3. Share when appropriate and don't covet what's not yours

In an episode about sharing (season 13, episode 1), Ana and Prince Tuesday are fighting about who gets to wear what costume. Eventually, they learn to share and all is well - until Lady Elaine pops in.

She wants Ana's special shoes, and Ana refuses to give them. Upset, Lady Elaine takes the matter to King Friday. And what does King Friday say? While sharing is important, some things don't need to be shared - perhaps because they have sentimental value to their owners.

If your neighbor needs to borrow your rake, lend it willingly. No harm done.

In turn, be respectful of what people are willing to lend you. Don't covet what is rightfully theirs. It would be silly to be angry when they won't let you borrow their great-great-grandfather's croquet set.

4. Help others

Helping others can be as simple as a cheery "hello," or, it can be something more time consuming like dog sitting or planning a party (as Lady Elaine does for Henrietta in season 16, episode 11).

In fact, just the other day, I was walking down the street feeling a little stressed when someone happily greeted me. I didn't even know the person, but their cheerful greeting was all I needed to de-stress.

5. Show appreciation

In season 26, episode 12, Neighbor Aber tries to vacuum the area around Lady Elaine's museum as an act of kindness. She gets very angry and tells him to go away because the vacuum is too noisy.

When others try to help, show appreciation. They are sacrificing their time for you.

6. Care for the environment

Mr. Rogers cares about the environment. He reflects on ideas such as planting a garden and recycling (season 30, episode 1; season 20, episode 7).

Having a nice yard, growing your own food and managing your trash can really help the environment and beautify your area.

Consider picking up trash in your neighborhood or sharing the produce you grow.

7. Take care of your pets and your kids

As Mr. Rogers would tell you, animals should be respected, loved and cared for. An animal that is loved and cared for will behave and will not, therefore, rampage through the neighborhood bringing noise and destruction - and they'll be safer, as well.

The same goes for your children. Of course, let your kids play with the other children in the neighborhood. But if you merely let them run wild, never paying attention to them, not only will your neighbors will be annoyed, but your kids will be in danger.

If pets and kids aren't noticed by their parents, they will seek entertainment elsewhere - often where they aren't wanted.

Kids and pets are supposed to bring people joy. Let yours do just that.

8. Make each day beautiful

Mr. Rogers also sings, "make a snappy new day." Try to be positive about each new day. This will make both you and those around you happier.

9. Learn new things

Mr. Rogers is all about teaching kids how things are made. Why not learn a new skill and share what you learn?

Or, you could learn about current local issues and see how you can contribute to the solutions. Attend city caucuses, for example, or vote.

10. Feel good about yourself

"Feeling good about ourselves is essential in our being able to love others," said Mr. Rogers. If you feel good about yourself, you are less likely to degrade others and more likely to seek the good. You will feel confident in your ability to help others in some way.

The post 10 ways-according to Mr. Rogers-to have a beautiful day in your neighborhood appeared first on FamilyToday.

Forget the contract. In marriage, both must give their all, as well as support in weakness. Even that may not be enough, though. Marriages cannot truly succeed without God's loving grace. This article will discuss three reasons grace is necessary in marriage.

Grace helps in efforts to become whole

A common phrase is, "He completes me." There is nothing wrong with having a spouse whose strengths are your weaknesses. The problem comes when people use that as an excuse to not overcome their follies.

For example, I'm not a very confident person, but my husband is. His confidence will not do me any good when I have to give a presentation. Nor will it at that job interview, or when I am trying to make a new friend. For my own benefit, I need to become confident. How can I do that?

Another example. Say a husband has a weakness for alcohol. The fact that the wife has never had a drink in her life will not help him unless he chooses to change. But, her self-control and support, as well as his desire to overcome, will not be enough alone. What will make it enough?

Grace.

Speaking of the Lord's grace, Paul writes in Titus 2:14: "[Christ] gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify."

Because Christ gave His life for all, everyone can become pure. However, you can't just stand back and wait for the Lord to help. In Romans 5:2 it states, "We have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand." Ephesians 2:8 adds, "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God."

Faith in the Lord plus grace is necessary.

But faith is about more than just belief. It is about action: "Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone" (James 2:17).

In other words, you must believe and then make the effort to change. Then, as is declared in 1 Peter 5:10, "The God of all grace ... after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you." As you make the effort, the Lord will help you change.

As each spouse goes through the process of change, they will grow closer to each other and to the Lord. When I become confident, I'll be happier and better able to serve and support others, including my spouse. When that husband gets over his weakness for alcohol, he will be able to focus more on his family.

But do not forget that as someone seeks the Lord's grace, the spouse's forgiveness and support is essential.

Grace helps you forgive and deal with it

Perhaps your spouse has done something to hurt you. Or perhaps he or she has a quirk that annoys you. Instead of dwelling on these things, you should do your best to work through them. Matthew 5:44 proclaims, "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you." Matthew 6 goes on to testify that the Lord will only forgive us if we forgive others. If God wants us to love our enemies and forgive them, He desires that we make amends with our spouses.

I remember reading an article in a religious magazine some time ago called, "The Grapefruit Syndrome." The author relates how there were several things that bothered her about her husband, including the way he ate his grapefruit. She suggested to her husband that they each write down what annoyed them about the other and discuss it. When her husband shared, he merely stated that he couldn't think of anything annoying about her. The author cried, realizing that she had let petty things bother her, which could have had terrible consequences.

But how do you get over the little stuff or forgive the larger ones? It all comes back to the first scripture quoted in this section: praying for others, and loving and serving them. It's really hard to hate someone you continually pray to love, or that you frequently serve, for God will help you change through grace.

Grace helps you see that neither of you can be perfect now

Grace can also help you accept that neither you nor your spouse will be perfect any time soon.

But the Lord only cares about effort.

My mother once told me a story she heard from a church leader. The leader's daughter had asked him for a bicycle. Knowing they didn't have much money, he told her to save up her pennies. A couple weeks later, she brought him 61 pennies. Full of love, he decided to take her to get a bike. She cried when she realized she didn't have enough. The father said that if she gave him what she had, and a hug and a kiss, he would cover the rest. He then explained that it was the same with the Lord. After our best efforts, He says, "Give me all you have, and I'll do the rest."

There is hope that you can change through grace. Seek it in your marriage, and you'll overcome.

The post Don’t make marriage a contract: Seek the Lord’s grace appeared first on FamilyToday.