Little girls are adorable with their cute dresses, adorable smiles and funny faces that they make. Usually while meeting a little girl, the first thing we see is how pretty she is. And if she's not pretty (poor little thing, we think), then we usually feel like we should make her feel pretty. So we tell her how nice her dress is or how cute her shoes are.

And if this little girl is really, really pretty (lucky her, right?), then we compliment her looks with all our heart. Gorgeous hair! And these blue eyes! And what a lovely smile! You do look beautiful today! Like a princess!

It is nice to be complimented, right? And this little girl sure looks happy, being compared to Elsa. And how pleased her mother must be, to hear that her daughter is beautiful.

Except that I'm not that pleased. I'm worried. And sad.

Each time a stranger exclaims how cute my daughter is, I just feel like changing the subject. And when her daycare teacher compares her to a little princess, I just get upset.

Because I want her to love and accept herself, regardless of how she looks. I wish that she'll get to live a life free from self objectification and body shaming.

So if people say she's pretty, why do I worry that she might have body image issues? Why do I hope that strangers and family would stop concentrating on my daughters looks?

And why do I think that we should stop complimenting little girls' looks?

Here's why:

1. Complimenting only looks, gives a message that nothing else is important

While you tell a little girl how pretty she looks today, you let her know that this is the only thing that you care about - her being pretty and nice to look at.

2. Complimenting girls' appearance, teaches them that they get attention when they are pretty.

When most of the attention that a girl gets comes from the fact that she's a pleasing sight to others, she starts thinking that in order for her to get the positive attention, she must stay pretty. So she starts being preoccupied by her looks.

3. Telling a little girl that she's beautiful, puts her in a tight box of expectations

.

Because pretty girls shouldn't get dirty or sweaty. Pretty girls should stay pretty. Exercising and getting red isn't so pretty right? So a lot of preteens stops enjoying physical activity. They get preoccupied with how they look while they exercise.

4. Instead of building their self esteem with compliments, we are ruining it

.

While we tell boys they're strong, smart and capable, we tell girls they are like princesses. They don't get to hear as often as boys that they can do things, instead they hear that people like looking at them.

5. When a girl starts believing that she's being valued mostly because of her looks, she stops believing in her intellect.

She starts thinking that she got that good grade because her teacher likes her. She might start thinking that people prefer looking at her instead of listening to her. If she's shy, she might want to speak up less, in order to be less seen, less complimented and less in the center of unwanted attention.

6. If a girl learns that she should be pretty in order to get attention, then she's just a step from believing that she should be sexy.

Just have a look at Barbie dolls, Disney princesses and cartoons targeted at preteens. Feminine characters are always shown as slim and very alluring. They have big lips and big eyes. Often they dress really sexy. And then, a preteen wants to be as close to the girl ideal that she sees in the media as possible. If she really believes that to get the attention she should stay pretty, then before you know it, she'll start feeling like pretty means sexy. And that sexy equals positive attention.

7. If a girls sees that she gets attention only because of her looks, she might start to fear losing her looks.

If she believes that this is her only valuable asset, as a preteen and teen she might start obsessing about her body not being perfect enough.

8. Complimenting girls for looks and boys for performance, teaches the kids that the two sexes are unequal.

When we tell our kids that they can become whoever they want, and then we use intellect based compliments to uplift boys, and appearance based compliments to please girls, do they still believe that they really can become who they wish? Or do they learn to live by our expectations, and to see their strengths where we point them up? I'm afraid it's the second one.

So that's why you might hear me praising my daughter's creativity, sense of humor and kindness and not her eyes. And instead of saying that she's a princess, I say that she's strong, smart, and capable of doing things on her own.

I want her to believe in herself regardless of how she'll look like in 20 years. I want her to be kind to her body and to treat her "flaws" as her one-of-a-kind features. I hope for her to appreciate her body for what it can do, and not for how pleasing it is to others.

One more thing: I'm not against telling your daughter, niece or neighbor that she's pretty. I'm against it being the message that she's hearing 90 percent of the time!

So let your daughter know that you appreciate her for so much more than just her looks!

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Joanna Grzeszczak's blog, Lazy Mom's Blog. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

The post 8 surprising reasons to stop complimenting little girls’ looks appeared first on FamilyToday.

I was asking myself a lot lately how to raise a girl with a positive body image. Because as a mom of two little girls, it breaks my heart thinking that one day they'll discover how women's beauty is valued beyond anything else.

One day, they'll find out that according to mainstream culture, women are supposed to be thin, muscular, and always picture-perfect. That according to the medias, being beautiful means having no flaws. And that being beautiful is more important than smart, funny or gentle.

One day they'll find out that their entire value may be judged solely by their appearance. Because of all that, they could one day start obsessing about their body weight. And they may develop an eating disorder.

Of course, there are more factors to an eating disorder than only the influence of medias, but according to these researches (this, and that) the impact of over sexualized body image is much stronger than we could imagine.

But I know that there are things that can be done in order for girls to be less likely influenced by the mainstream beauty ideals. The list is long, and there might be some changes to make in our lives, but I think it's more than worth it!

1. No fashion magazines at home

Girls don't need to see photoshopped and unnaturally arousing women as a model of feminity, and they don't need to compare themselves with these images. Girls don't understand that models are photoshopped and that it's their job to look in a certain way, so they might jump to a conclusion that fashion magazines are the reflection of real life. But they are not! And if you need style and fashion inspiration, then there is plenty of that online.

2. Stop the negative comments regarding your body in front of kids

If you ever looked in to the mirror and said that you look fat/gained weight/have cellulite then please don't do it ever again! It's bad for you, it's bad for your daughter! What she learns, is that despising your body is normal. And that looking for flaws and criticizing yourself, is something that women do, regardless of how they look. Remember that whatever you do, she'll copy (so don't be surprised to see your 6 year old criticizing her tiny belly if you criticize yours).

3. No I-need-to-lose-weight talk in front of kids

Again, kids learn how to be a grown up from you, the parent, and your girl is learning how to act like a women by imitating mothers behavior. Do you want your little girl to think that she should be on a diet? Do you want her to think that regardless from her actual size she should lose weight because this is how grown up women are? I know you don't.

4. Stop the food-guilt association

Stop with the the dichotomy of the good food and bad food, healthy food and guilty-pleasure food. And stop the I-feel-so-bad-I-ate-all-that-cake talk. Food should be the fuel for our bodies, the energy to get us working and playing and sometimes the comfort to lift our spirits. If you struggle with guilt, keep it to yourself. Because for kids, food is just food, and it would be great if it could stay that way.

5. Don't praise girls only for their looks. Praise them for what they do, and how smart/strong/capable they are when they do things.

If a young girl hears that she's pretty all the time, she might end up thinking that's her only quality. She becomes unsure of her real value. Her self esteem becomes low, and she starts thinking that her worth is based only on her looks. She can become scared of losing her beauty: because she'll think that's why people love her. She'll start believing that she should always be beautiful. So next time you feel like complimenting your daughter, tell her that she's fast, creative or fearless! Acknowledge her sense of humour, her critical thinking or her good heart. Let her know that you value her beyond her pretty eyes!

6. Show them that you love your body for what it does, and not for how it looks

Even if it sounds odd, compliment yourself in front of your girl. Tell her what you like about your body that's not connected to how it looks. I say that I love my belly because it used to be a home for my babies and it makes for a very comfy pillow. I also praise how strong my body is, and that's why I can lift her and play with her.

7. Do physical activity together for fun!

I used to think about exercise just as a way of losing weight and not as a way to have fun. But I want my girls to see physical activity as a fun way to spend time, to feel strong and connected. I'm not that perfect, so what we actually do, is yoga at home (that's my kind of exercise) and not running in the morning. But I do plan on taking her hiking as much as possible this summer, and her dad is trying to insert in her his love for winter sports. So I hope we're on the right track.

8. Cook together. And always eat breakfast

It's proven that kids who are involved in food preparation eat better and healthier. So let them help you around with groceries, recipe search and cooking. Teach them the joy of eating well and the routine of a well balanced breakfast.

9. Talk to them about what they see on tv and in magazines. Explain the principle of publicity.

Even if your girl is still young, explain to her that these ladies who obviously forgot to dress in the morning, are there because they're trying to convince you to buy a shampoo/cream/car (whatever it is). The older they get, the more publicity they'll see. Make sure they know it's not real and that there is a purpose in it.

10. Install the positive self esteem and let them know that you love them for who they are.

Your voice becomes the inner voice of your kids. When you tell them that you love them, that they're capable, that they did something good and that you appreciate their effort, then this is how they'll talk to themselves. That becomes the base of their self esteem. And girls with a positive self esteem deal better with obstacles, critique and the pressures of the world (like the pressure to be pretty and sexy). Show them how happy they make you feel, how you appreciate what they do and how you love them always!

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Joanna Grzeszczak's blog, Lazy Mom's Blog. It has been republished here with permission.

The post How to raise a girl with a positive body image appeared first on FamilyToday.