I recently got an anonymous comment from a woman that said the biggest challenge in her marriage was, "Not feeling in love. I love my husband but I don't feel in love. Shouldn't I?"

To the woman who wrote that, this is for you and for everyone else who can relate.

Dear Wife Who Is Not In Love With Her Husband,

You are not alone. I have been there to.

I hear the guilt in your words, in your question.

Little girls grow up fantasizing about what marriage will be like. In the movies and books we are shown images of romantic courting, of beautiful proposals, of stunning weddings.

We imagine a blissful happily ever after

On your wedding day you envision being "in love" for the rest of your life. You imagine that the mystery, the butterflies, the elation, the desire, the feeling of "falling" will never go away.

But here is the reality;

All married couples have a natural ebb and flow of connection.

How do I know? I've been there!

There are times when my husband and I are extremely connected. Where I get that sense of intense emotion and giddiness like I did in the early days.

But, there have also been long periods of time when I didn't feel in love. When we were distant and disconnected and it felt like being "in love" was a memory of my past. In those times I worried about the future of our relationship.

I get it. There were many times where I questioned the same thing you did

I didn't understand why I didn't feel in love. I thought that feeling would last forever.

But, the reality is, we all go thru times of feeling this way.

Want to know why?

It often comes down to a switch in priorities. Life takes over. Priorities shift. The person who used to be number one on the list has shifted down the list below work, kids, homework, family, friends, finances, etc., ...

So many other things take priority over our marriages that over time, we may start to feel more like roommates than lovers.

To the wife who is not in love with her husband, I want to tell you four things

1. What you are feeling is totally normal. It is nothing to feel bad about. It is just a part of the natural cycle of marriage.
2. You can fall in love again with your husband. I know this for a fact.
3. Falling in love again with your husband will be different than the first time you fell in love with him. When you first fall in love, it is very much a feeling of it being out of your control. Hence the term "falling." But, the subsequent times that you fall in love with your spouse will be more intentional.
4. To fall in love again, you must put your marriage back up to the top of the list. You must love with intention and the feeling of being in love will show up again.

I love my husband. I have always loved him. But, a few years ago, I did not feel in love. We were struggling. We weren't connected. I was questioning our happy ever after.

Want to know what made me fall in love again?

Intention.

A direct intention to put my marriage first. A direct intention to create a better relationship.

Now, we intentionally create alone time. We intentionally take trips together. We are intentional in improving our communication. We are intentional in touching throughout the day. We are intentional in showing appreciation. We are intentionally accountable in our actions.

Intention

Though I currently feel very much in love with my husband, I do understand that it it won't always feel this way. There will be times in our future where I will not feel "in love." Where things will feel stagnant and unexciting.

But, now I understand that lack of feeling "in love" can happen for many reasons, but most often it stems from a loss of connection. Kick up the intentional connection and things will begin to get back on track.

To the woman who is not in love with her husband,

Don't worry. No need to feel guilty. It is going to be OK. I can relate to how you feel. I have been there to.

Experiencing times where you don't feel "in love" is totally normal.

But, don't let the disconnect carry on too long. Extended periods of disconnect can be harmful to the overall happiness and longevity of your relationship.

Take charge of your marriage. Believe it or not, you have the power to choose to be in love.

You have the power to create the marriage that you desire

You still love your husband. That says a lot about your relationship.

With intention, you can feel "in love" again.

I have found that feeling over and over again. I believe you can too.

With much love and good wishes,

Tammy

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Tammy Greene's website, Married & Naked. It has been republished here with permission.

The post Dear wife who is not in love with her husband appeared first on FamilyToday.

I recently got an anonymous comment from a woman that said the biggest challenge in her marriage was, "Not feeling in love. I love my husband, but I don't feel in love. Shouldn't I?"

To the woman who wrote that, this is for you. And for anyone else who can relate.

_Dear wife who is not in love with her husband,_

You are not alone. I have been there too.

I hear the guilt in your words, in your question.

Little girls grow up fantasizing about what marriage will be like. In the movies and books, we see images of romantic courting, of beautiful proposals and of stunning weddings.

We imagine a blissful happily ever after

On your wedding day you envision being "in love" for the rest of your life. You imagine that the mystery, the butterflies, the elation, the desire, the feeling of "falling" will never go away.

But here is the reality- All married couples have a natural ebb and flow of connection.

How do I know? I've been there!

There are times when my husband and I are extremely connected, where I get that sense of intense emotion and giddiness like I did in the early days.

But, there have also been long periods of time when I didn't feel in love. When we were distant and disconnected and it felt like being "in love" was a memory of my past. In those times I worried about the future of our relationship.

I get it. There were many times where I questioned the same thing you did

I didn't understand why I didn't feel in love. I thought that feeling would last forever. But, the reality is, we all go through times of feeling this way.

Want to know why?

Life takes over. Priorities shift. The person who used to be number one on the list has moved down the list to fall somewhere below work, kids, homework, family, friends, finances, etc...

So many other things take priority over our marriages that over time, we may start to feel more like roommates than lovers.

To the wife who is not in love with her husband, I want to tell you 4 things

1. What you are feeling is normal. It is nothing to feel bad about. It's a part of the natural cycle of marriage.

2. You can fall in love again with your husband. I know this for a fact.

3. Falling in love

again with your husband will be different than the first time you fell in love with him. When you first fall in love, love is feeling that's out of your control, hence the term "falling." But, the subsequent times that you fall in love with your spouse will be more intentional, more heatfelt and more thoughtful.

4. To fall in love again, you must put your marriage back up to the top of the list. You must love with intention and the feeling of being in love will show up again.

I love my husband. I have always loved him. But, a few years ago, I did not feel in love. We were struggling. We weren't connected. I was questioning our happily ever after.

Want to know what made me fall in love again?

Intention.

A direct intention to put my marriage first. A direct intention to create a better relationship.

Now, my husband and I intentionally create alone time. We intentionally take trips together. We are intentional in improving our communication. We are intentional in our touches throughout the day. We are intentional when showing appreciation. We are intentionally accountable in our actions.

Though I currently feel very much in love with my husband, I do understand that I won't always feel this way. There will be times in our future where I will not feel "in love" and where things will feel stagnant and unexciting.

But now I understand that lack of feeling "in love" most often stems from a loss of connection. By refocusing on intentionally connecting, things will begin to get back on track.

To the woman who is not in love with her husband

Don't worry. There's no need to feel guilty. It is going to be OK. I can relate to how you feel. I have been there too.

Experiencing times where you don't feel "in love" is totally normal, but don't let the disconnect carry on too long. Extended periods of disconnect can be harmful to the overall happiness and longevity of your relationship.

Take charge of your marriage. Believe it or not, you have the power to choose to be in love.

You have the power to create the marriage that you desire

You still love your husband. That says a lot about your relationship.

With intention, you can feel "in love" again.

I have found that feeling over and over again. I believe you can too.

With much love and good wishes,

Tammy

This article was originally published on Tammy's blog, Married and Naked. It has been republished here with permission.

The post To the wife who isn’t in love with her husband appeared first on FamilyToday.

Somewhere along the way, Mother's Day became less about me and more about the people I loved.

It became about my kids and making sure they felt special.

It, of course, became about my mom and making sure she felt loved.

It became about my husband and making sure he felt appreciated.

One year my husband asked what I wanted for Mother's Day. I said, "What I really want is a little quiet time for me. Just for me." I felt so guilty saying that out loud, but it was true. I just wanted a little break from having to take care of everyone else. I wanted to focus on me for a little bit. From that point forward, my husband has always made sure that during Mother's Day weekend I get some time for myself. I love it.

I still make sure my kids feel special.

I still make sure my Mom feels loved.

I still make sure my husband feels appreciated.

But,

I also make sure I get some time for me.

That's what Mother's Day should be. It should be a day when you get to take care of yourself because the rest of the year you take care of others.

Here are 3 things every woman should do for herself on Mother's Day.

1. Indulge

Go ahead. Do it! Eat that chocolate cake you have been craving all week while you've been munching your lunch salads. Go ahead: purchase that expensive piece from Victoria's Secret you keep putting in your shopping cart but never end up buying. Go ahead: order that high-priced, high-carb dinner on the menu. Just go ahead and do it!

You are a hard-working mama. Celebrate that and give into a little indulgence on your special day.

2. Savor

A mother's time is full: from the minute the alarm goes off to the second her eyes close at night. The day is full of taking care of the needs of others. Rarely is there an opportunity to take time for herself.

Declare this Mother's Day as a day for you and savor some time for yourself.

I love quiet time. My idea of savoring my alone time is sitting on my couch in my bedroom eating french fries and watching a romantic movie. It gives me a chance to breathe, to laugh and to not have to think about anyone but myself.

You deserve to have those moments every now and then, and what better day to savor that time for yourself than on Mother's Day?

3. Release

Motherhood is synonymous with guilt, isn't it?

At least it is for me. I feel guilty for everything: for not spending enough time with my kids, for letting them watch too much TV, for letting them eat McDonald's. I feel guilty for wanting some time for myself. You name it, and I feel guilty about it.

Release yourself of that guilt today.

Remind yourself that you are a great mother. In your heart, you may know that you are. You are doing the very best you know how for your children. And, your kids are amazing. That must mean you are doing something well. Right?

So, for this one day that is dedicated to all mothers, let go of the guilt, even if just for the day.

You are doing an incredible job. You are an exceptional mom. Your kids are happy. They know how much you love them. You are fantastic. Own that this Mother's Day and let it go.

Being a mother is a job full of endless challenges and abounding joy. For all that you do for your kids and your family, celebrate yourself this Mother's Day. Remember - you deserve to indulge yourself, savor time and release guilt.

Monday morning will come all too soon.

Enjoy your Sunday and have a truly happy Mother's Day.

The post 3 things to do for yourself this Mother’s Day appeared first on FamilyToday.

Not only was it beautiful because of the gorgeous location and the love of this fantastic couple, but it stood out to me because of what the officiant told the married couple to be.

Now, this was not your typical officiant. This was a close friend of the bride who, specifically for this wedding, received his certificate to be a wedding officiant online.

But, despite his lack of experience as an ordained officiant, he had, by far, some of the best advice for a couple I have ever heard. As a married man himself, his words came from a place of experience and wisdom.

I just wanted to share with you some of what he said. I think you will find his words as valuable as I did:

"When we think about the perfect marriage, we often think of the good times, of happiness, of laughter, and of growing old together. And while those are parts of a marriage, they're not the whole picture. They're just the bright spots... The true strength of a marriage is forged during the dark times.

Health is easy, but sickness is where you prove your commitment. Richer is fun, but poorer demands profound unity and understanding. All of the shared experiences and emotions will leave you vulnerable to each other in ways you've never been vulnerable to anyone.

And you will hurt one another, and learn to forgive one another, time and time again.

But over the years, all of that hard work will make your relationship stronger and your life richer...

You are both exactly who you were yesterday; and that is the person your new spouse fell in love with.

Remember that, and strive always to be the best version of that person you can be. Keep supporting one another to be that person you each fell in love with, and help each other to grow rather than to change.

Take time to stop and appreciate where you've been and where you're going; but make a point of doing it together. Remember to be kind to each other, just because. And remember to stop and appreciate those tender moments.

Remember that whether a thought is spoken or not, it is a real thing, and has powers of reality. Be mindful of your thoughts, honest in your actions, and gentle with your words.

And remember to work together to actively build the future you want for yourselves everyday."

There you have it. Very wise words from a man named Seth. If these words are taken to heart, this marriage will be off to a great start.

I'm curious: what is the best marriage advice you ever received?

The post The best marriage advice I have EVER heard appeared first on FamilyToday.

Let's face it, life is crazy. Trying to keep up with the hustle and bustle of our everyday lives is overwhelming. Work, family commitments, school, soccer, dance classes, friends, health, birthday parties, holidays, babies, and so on. Sometimes we look back on the week and wonder where it went. Our busy lives are filling up every second.

One of the challenges you might face, as a result of this, is staying connected to your spouse. But, putting your relationship on the back burner can quickly breed cracks in the foundation of marriage. And a cracked foundation can often be difficult to repair.

To prevent this from happening, it is important to make your marriage a priority despite all the challenges and stress the days throw at you. To keep your marriage strong, it is important to stay connected to each other.

Here are a few ideas to help you stay connected to your spouse.

Affirm your love, before the day begins

Start the day off with a connection. Before work, children, headaches and fatigue can set in, make sure that your spouse feels your love. Begin the day with a really great kiss, a sweet hug, or at the very least a sincere "I love you." It may sound simple, but it's often the simple things that can make the biggest difference in a relationship. Something as simple as a steamy kiss can leave your spouse thinking about you all day. Start your day with an intentional connection to your spouse.

Say, thank you

We all desire to feel appreciated, but often times we forget the power of the two simple words, "Thank you." Look for the opportunities to say "Thank You," to your spouse.

Show your appreciation for little things like taking out the trash as well as the big things like going to work every day so that you can have a better life. Don't let gratitude go unspoken. Make sure that your spouse knows that you appreciate all that they do. Say "Thank you," and say it often. Your spouse will feel more connected to you when they feel appreciated by you.

Schedule date nights

Regular date nights are an absolute must for a healthy marriage. But, date night doesn't have to be complicated.

The purpose of a date night is to reconnect with each other. That could mean doing something as simple as asking Grandma to watch the kids at her house and going back home for pizza on the living room floor. If a sitter is too hard to come by, schedule regular date nights, at home, after the kids go to bed. Stay unplugged, play a game, have dessert, ask silly questions, and focus on each other.

Bon Voyage

Looking back on your relationship, when did you feel most connected, passionate, and happy? It was probably in the early days when you were dating.

One reason for this is because, in the early days, you spend a tremendous amount of time alone together. Going on dates, talking on the phone, maybe doing some travel. Then, as marriage and life sets in, that alone time starts to dwindle, often dwindling down to nothing. But, maintaining a healthy marriage requires couples to continually take time to be alone.

Stay connected with your spouse by getting away for a couple of days. If funds are tight, send the kids to Nana's or Aunties for a few days and stay at home. You will be amazed at how far a couple of days, reconnecting and loving each other, can carry your relationship.

It is easy to get disconnected from our spouses. We each have so much on our plates. So many things to do and so many places to be. But, putting everything else before our marriages can lead to some serious and sometimes irreparable damage.

Make your marriage a priority and stay connected to your spouse. By making a conscious effort to stay connected, you are giving your marriage all of the nutrients it needs to be healthy and thrive.

Written by: Tammy Greene, Hope after Divorce author, social worker and child life specialist for children with disabilities.

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