Gary L Gallimore – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com Here today, better tomorrow. Sun, 08 Oct 2017 01:08:00 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.8.3 https://wp-media.familytoday.com/2020/03/favicon.ico Gary L Gallimore – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com 32 32 12 vital things every relationship that lasts needs https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/12-vital-things-every-relationship-that-lasts-needs/ Sun, 08 Oct 2017 01:08:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/12-vital-things-every-relationship-that-lasts-needs/ All relationships need work from both sides if they are going to last. Do you know how to make your…

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There are several types of relationships: friendships, parent-child, marriage, teams and so on. Some of these relationships form naturally as in parent-child relationships or being assigned to a team at work. While some relationships come and go, there are some relationships we want to hold onto. Here are 12 vital things every relationship that lasts needs:

1. Communicating early and often

Relationships do not just spontaneously generate. They typically start with a conversation. Talk about what matters to you early in the relationship, and talk about it often. We usually complain about things that bother us, and we share things that make us happy. Communicating early and often brings to the surface the things that are most important and allows each person to decide whether or not to pursue the relationship.

2. Acceptance

Before any relationship begins to grow, you must accept the other person. However, acceptance is continuous act. In lasting relationships, there will be change, growth, failure and success. These will show up at different times, and you have to be willing to accept them when they do.

3. Identity

Two of my classmates were known as being attached at the hip because they were always together and behaved in similar ways. Their identity was distinct. They dressed a particular way. They participated in the same sports. They took the same classes. They even used the same idioms. Essentially, they had their own culture. They are still friends to this day. Lasting relationships face and endure many trials.

4. Trust

All relationships require trust. You are constantly building and evaluating trust. The level of trust determines what other supporting factors you need to strengthen the relationship. Low levels of trust might require exorbitant demonstration of loyalty and commitment, whereas high levels of trust means the relationship can grow with more freedom.

5. Freedom

Even though the relationship has an identity, each individual is free to be themselves. They are free to expand their knowledge. They are free to be creative. This freedom strengthens the relationship.

6. A defining moment

Unfortunately, many relationships end when someone chooses betrayal instead of loyalty or inflicts injustice instead of fairness. The opposite is also true. A defining moment is when one person's decision leads to an outcome that forces a critical response from their partner. Failures and successes can be defining moments.

7. Integrity

Stephen Covey describes integrity as "the value we place on ourselves." In a relationship, each person understands and contributes to the integrity of the relationship. The relationship is now one entity with a unique attitude, behavior and perception. Integrity is a balance between humility (how you view others) and respect (how you view yourself). Strong self-respect and a high level of humility portrays high integrity, while weak self-respect and feelings of inferiority or superiority signals low integrity. High integrity requires strong commitment.

8. Commitment to purpose

When you start a relationship with someone, you commit to purpose. Everyone has a purpose, and every relationship contributes to that purpose. The contribution is either negative or positive. Relationships that last are made of individuals who understand this phenomena and work to make a positive contribution to the relationship so that the purpose is fulfilled.

9. A definition of happiness

Her needs are important. His needs are important. Your overall happiness is not a permanent compromise but a perpetual collaboration. You must communicate what makes you happy not just the things that make you unhappy.

10. A place of escape

When each of our children was born, we were happy parents, but we faced several periods of fatigue, anxiety and frustration. We took turns allowing each other to escape, whether with friends or a hobby. We also made time to escape together, soliciting the help of family and close friends. Taking time to relax allows you to escape the rigors of life. While you are in a space of rest, you can re-evaluate past mistakes, plan how to integrate the lessons learned into your goals, identify the good in your relationship and decide where to go next.

11. A support system

No relationship operates by itself. While we learn many skills we can use on a job or to execute an event, the value of the skills take shape when we actually perform. Only at the end of the performance can you measure the value of the skill. A support system allows you to prepare, execute, evaluate and then prepare for the next performance. That is why professional athletes have coaches. Relationships that have strong support systems will last.

12. Frequent checkups

It is too late to do an oil change when the engine is completely dry of oil. At this point you need a new engine or a new car, which is a lot more expensive than an oil change. I missed out on a promotion because my supervisor felt I did not demonstrate a particular skill. Had I known that I was struggling in this area, I could have made the adjustments and gained a better outcome. It's a good idea to have a structure in place that allows you to run frequent checks on your relationship. Counselors, pastors, each other and family members are good examples of people who can help you monitor your relationship.

Evaluate your own relationships. Do you have the 12 important qualities to make your relationship last? If you find yourself falling short in any of these areas, that's OK. All relationships take time and effort. Keep trying together to improve on these things and make your bond stronger each day.

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These are the 6 things that really matter when you choose your forever sweetheart https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/these-are-the-6-things-that-really-matter-when-you-choose-your-forever-sweetheart/ Tue, 01 Aug 2017 10:32:48 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/these-are-the-6-things-that-really-matter-when-you-choose-your-forever-sweetheart/ Are you looking too superficially, or do you know what really matters?

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Think about why you got together with your partner. Perhaps it was a coincidence, or maybe it was love at first sight. Maybe you had a list of characteristics you looked for, and maybe you took a lot of time getting comfortable with each other. Either way, there was an initiated process, a decision made, and a direction pursued.

Here are the six things that really matter when you choose your partner:

1. Your cumulative direction in life

We pay attention to the things that matter most to us. It is common to find a university student buried in books if they are intentional about their academic goals. A student who doesn't enjoy their program is not so dedicated to their schooling. Either way, both students are on a path, and will end up somewhere. They are both at risk to end up in a place of disappointment or in a place of success.

There are certain directions in life that can take a very long time to correct. There are clear risks in pursuing a relationship with someone who sets off red flags for you. You must consider the costs of pursuing such a relationship. If the cumulative direction is positive or can be turned positive with minimal costs, then the relationship is worth pursuing.

2. What you expect from the relationship

Even if you fall in love with someone and you vow to love them unconditionally, you will find that there are conditions attached. We have physiological, social, emotional and spiritual needs. Two partners who both have deep emotional needs might experience difficulties growing together. They look to each other to provide a need that neither is capable of fulfilling in the early stages.

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As the relationship persists, the couple can grow to where they are comfortable fulfilling each other's needs. This can also make it easier to define relationship roles.

3. Your role in the relationship

There are many roles in a marriage. Some come naturally, like who will be the mother and who will be the father. However, relationships vary, causing roles to vary. Who will manage the finances? Who will take the lead on key decisions? Roles can be difficult and overwhelming.

Some roles will take effect immediately and some will form organically, but knowing it's happening will strengthen your relationship.

4. Your view on family (current and future)

When two people get in a relationship, the partnership includes both of their families. When my wife and I got together, we expressed how much we valued our families. We needed our parents' guidance in the early years of our marriage, but we struggled to set boundaries, often leaving one of us hurt when a family member went too far.

Over the years, we revisited this discussion several times to make sure neither of us are struggling with family related issues. When choosing your partner, you should decide what role your families will play in your relationship.

My wife and I also discussed how many children we wanted. She wanted four. I was OK with four but better with two or three. Some couples might not want children, despite their parent's eagerness for grandchildren. Career goals can also be a contributing factor to how a person views family in the context of relationship.

5. Your career expectations

We spend so much time in our careers, from kindergarten all the way to retirement and beyond. My dentist spent 26 years of his life in school and has worked as a dentist for more than 25 years. After finishing his dentistry studies, he worked for another dentist, then eventually launched his own practice. This was his dream all along.

He knew it would be time-consuming, so he and his wife settled for one child and his wife was a stay at home mother. Then she started a home based business when their son started school.

They got the best of both worlds. However, this is not the typical case for the current generation. According to Quartz, "63 percent of millennial women believe that having children will make it harder for them to advance their career, and 56% of working moms find it very or somewhat difficult to balance career and family responsibilities." Many choose to take on leadership roles earlier, resulting in higher income and the dilemma of spending or saving.

6. How you spend money

My pastor, Dr. Ralph Dartey, teaches that "it is better to have a broken engagement than to have a broken marriage. It is a good idea to talk about how you spend money to get a view of each person's perception of money."

It is also important to find out as much information as possible about their financial position. Your cumulative direction is important, and how you manage money provides more insight into your cumulative direction.

Whether it was love at first sight or check marks on a long list of qualities that brought you together, the decision to pursue the relationship required proper assessment. The six things mentioned above will help you gain traction as you look to grow your relationship.

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7 POWERFUL signs your husband sees you as the perfect woman for him https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/7-powerful-signs-your-husband-sees-you-as-the-perfect-woman-for-him/ Tue, 11 Jul 2017 12:01:06 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/7-powerful-signs-your-husband-sees-you-as-the-perfect-woman-for-him/ You are in the best partnership when your spouse sees you as the perfect companion to build your most sacred…

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Relationships demand time and devotion - emotional, spiritual and physical. We want to know that the relationships we invest in will actually provide a future return that is at least equal to what we invested. Most importantly, we want to be confident that each daily investment is contributing to the eventual return.

Marriage is your most sacred institution and feeling as if you chose the wrong partner for marriage is devastating.

Here are 7 powerful signs your husband sees you as the perfect woman for him:

1. He listens authentically

Parents, managers, teachers and leaders must continuously improve their listening ability if they expect to entice those who are under their influence. A husband is no different, and when he demonstrates authentic listening to his wife, it shows her that she easily captures his attention.

Getting defensive over her suggestions or adding a "me too" experience when she shares something personal is not listening. According to Paul J Donoghue, Ph.D. and Mare E. Seigel, Ph.D., "Communicating understanding and really listening calls for some humility."

2. He seeks your advice

It takes humility to seek someone else's opinion and then apply what they say to your decision. A husband who seeks the advice of his wife on big and small matters shows that he values her opinion.

He is making himself vulnerable by opening up. It is this vulnerability that helps to build trust and reminds your wife that you see her as a person who will protect him when he is fully exposed.

3. He protects you in every way possible

Every strong relationship hinges on the level of security in the relationship. Safety is the second block of the pyramid on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Protecting someone means that you have placed yourself in the heat of the battle. A husband who puts himself aside for his wife is keen on nurturing a high level of trust.

Love is magical

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4. Forgiveness is a hallmark in your relationship

Trust is a critical part of all relationships. Chip R. Bell and Marshall Goldsmith state, "trust starts with authenticity...we trust another when we perceive his or her motives to be genuine or credible".

It takes time and work to establish trust. In my opinion, if trust exists then there is more room for forgiveness. If you are the perfect wife for your husband, then he will be quick to forgive you. It is also expected that he would be quick to seek your forgiveness if he offends you in any way.

Because trust exists, receiving forgiveness is not an invitation to trespass again. It is an invitation to work together to establish sound boundaries to prevent any more infractions. Pope John Paul describes the family as a place of forgiveness. A willingness to forgive each other builds love.

5. He perfects his love for you everyday

My wife and I recently attended a marriage retreat at our church, hosted by a husband and wife. On our last day, the wife stated that 'her husband has nothing to prove to anyone about his love for her'.

She has given him free rein to show his love for her and it is not attached to the opinions of anyone else. I imagine any husband wants his wife to know he loves her.

Those gentle touches that cause goosebumps ✨

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6. He plans ahead for both your futures

Proverbs 13:22 states that "A good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children." For this to happen, both spouses need to work diligently.

Your husband sees you as the perfect woman for him when he plans for your future. He secures you spiritually, emotionally and even financially. An older colleague told me the secret to his happy marriage: "I listen to my wife's biggest dreams and I try to devise ways for her to accomplish them, and we both celebrate the outcomes."

7. He is not intimidated by your success

We all define success differently but overall, success is seen as a favorable outcome. Some husbands like to make all the decisions, while others only make certain decisions.

Many marriages teeter on the ledge because the wife earns more money or has 'better' credentials, causing the husband to feel undervalued and inadequate. But a husband who is confident will push his wife to her full potential. He sees her accomplishments as a positive for their marriage and a part of their legacy.

If you are the perfect woman for your husband, you will know. The perfect spouse does not necessarily mean that your marriage will be perfect every day in every way, but the desire to grow in your marriage will always be there. There is evidence that you are in the best partnership. Your relationship will be rewarding and it will bring out your best.

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4 kinds of discussions in marriages that actually mean your love is strong https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/4-kinds-of-discussions-in-marriages-that-actually-mean-your-love-is-strong/ Fri, 30 Jun 2017 03:06:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/4-kinds-of-discussions-in-marriages-that-actually-mean-your-love-is-strong/ Spouses are free to share in a strong marriage. How strong is your marriage? Can you really talk to your…

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A strong marriage has many components, one of which is communication. Communication is a vital tool in any relationship. Nothing gets done unless it is communicated.

Effective communication means active engagement on both ends, where one person speaks clearly and the other listens intently. When a marriage begins to fall apart, there is usually a lack of communication somewhere. Marriages that function well have open communication.

Here are four discussions that actually mean your love is strong:

1. The things you love and hate about each other the most

It's easier to dwell on the negative, but being able to tell your spouse what you love and hate about them is liberating for both of you. Spouses are both embracing their strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes in marriages you have to say the things that are hurtful to grow and improve as a couple.

2. Your deepest regrets in your relationship to date

We are supposed to forgive and forget, but sometimes it is hard to forget. Often times the wrongdoer wants to know that they are out of the doghouse so they prefer you keep the pain suppressed and live in the space of 'forgiveness.'

What if the other person has forgiven you but they are still dealing with the hurt? Sometimes the stage has not been set for forgiveness. Carry Wrigley writes, "We fear that if we forgive a mistake in ourselves or in someone else, it excuses the mistake and increases the likelihood that it will happen again."

An open conversation about the deepest regrets to date by both parties has the potential to open old wounds, but it has the potential to close them for good, if handled properly.

3. Your greatest dreams and plans to achieve them

We all have dreams. Some started when we were young and some cropped up later in life. As a child, I often envisioned myself standing in front of many students. Today I am a college professor and I love it. As a child, my wife envisioned owning her own business. She achieved that goal and loves it.

However, both dreams could not be reached at the same time. My schedule changes every semester. Getting my wife's business off the ground was costly, time-consuming, and required a lot of faith. It took a lot of planning, a lot of prioritizing, some tiresome days and sleepless nights for both of us.

We had to be realistic about the consequences of pursuing our dreams. We talked about it a lot. We listened to each other's dreams intently. In some parts of her dream, I was not present. In some parts of my dream, she had to take a back seat.

We did not get hung up on these parts. In the long run, we saw the two of us standing together, sharing in the outcome.

4. What is expected of the other spouse when the other passes away

Most wedding vows have an expiration date - when death separates the two spouses. The survived spouse is free from any promises made to their partner.

It's important to discuss what each spouse will expect of the other person when one passes on. What voice does the deceased really have in a person's life when that person is bewildered, alone and shouldering all the responsibilities?

A family friend couched his wife on paying the bills and how to go about executing his will after he died. He insisted that she enjoy the rest of her life. Another couple agreed that the remaining spouse would remarry.

How strong is your marriage? What do you think is missing? Suggest these conversation topics to your spouse and plan a time to have the conversation. I am sure you will enjoy the discussion and you will see that your relationship is growing.

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19 reasons why you should get married (that have nothing to do with love) https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/19-reasons-why-you-should-get-married-that-have-nothing-to-do-with-love/ Fri, 04 Nov 2016 14:30:44 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/19-reasons-why-you-should-get-married-that-have-nothing-to-do-with-love/ While the foundation of a strong marriage is love, it isn't the only benefit.

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There are several reason to get married. While most people marry to be with the person they love, most of what your marriage accomplishes has nothing to do with love:

1. Childhood dreams come true

For many people, being married is simply a dream coming true. I've heard it said several times that many women began planning their wedding day when they were children. I can attest to that because my daughter constantly plans hers.

2. Bringing families together

A by-product of marriage is that two families are now joined together which can be both really interesting and challenging.

3. Lifelong partnership

Once you are married, you now share a common goal with someone. Partnerships share mutual interests and work toward mutually beneficial results.

4. Dreams are accomplished

When my wife and I first got married, we wanted to conquer the world. Of course we could not because we needed to take care of our family. While we were young and raising children, we realized that we had big dreams we wanted to come true. We started discussing those dreams and now we are working diligently at accomplishing them.

5. Raising children

Several studies support the idea that children raised in homes with a mother and father are better off. Important factors such as personal well-being, risky behaviour and health favour children who live in homes with both parents.

6. It can help your career aspirations

To be successful in some careers, it can take up a lot of your time inside and outside of the workplace. This can have a negative impact on your home life. Ergo, many leaders tend to suffer in their marriages and lose their families. However, support from a spouse can help moving through the ranks much more manageable and rewarding.

7.Become a better person

Marriage requires each person to give 100% at all times. When one spouse contributes less to the marriage, it puts added pressure on the other spouse to make up the difference. When couples collaborate and put their all into their marriage, the overall result is self-improvement and mutual-improvement.

8. Tax and estate planning

Tax laws tend to favour those who are married. In many jurisdictions, there are more benefits provided to couples who are married.

9. Married parents are richer than single parents

If you choose to be a parent, it is more economical to do so inside a marriage. Two incomes are better than one. Raising children is expensive - clothes, food, childcare, transportation all add to the costs. Even if it is only one parent who chooses (or is able) to work, the other is there to offset the costs. A stay at home mom or dad can eliminate the high costs of childcare and reduce the stress of having to balance work and day care.

10. Someone always has your back

In marriage, someone else is always looking out for you. When you can rely on someone to pick you up and support you, it gives you confidence to take on challenges you would not consider facing alone.

11. Accountability

We rationalize our choices based on consequences. Knowing that all of your decisions will impact someone else creates space for better decision-making. This creates a level of accountability that keeps us on our toes.

12. A constant support system

Marriage creates the ultimate support system. NBA all-star Chris Bosh points out that after a frustrating time at the gym or after a tough loss, his family brings him back to space of comfort and happiness.

13. Creating and passing down your own traditions

My wife is Tanzanian. I am Jamaican. My children were born in Canada and we live in Canada. We set our own family traditions that have nothing to do with our ethnic backgrounds. Because we included our children in these new traditions, I am sure they will last one more generation.

14. Legacy planning

It is much easier to create a legacy when you are married. It takes a lifetime and everything you are to build a strong legacy. When you are married, you have someone with whom you can plan and execute goals.

15. Sharing responsibilities

Successful relationships require individuals to work together. This means having both parties work together to fulfill needs. When two people collaborate, they use their strengths to move the relationship forward.

16. Lifelong friendship

Friends can come and go like the seasons. However, within a marriage, you can always have your best friend with you to create memories.

17. A full understanding of love

Regardless of the reasons why you chose to get married, you are still required to commit to that relationship. Throughout our lives, we experience different kinds of love. As we grow and change in a relationship, we find out the true meaning of love. Marriage lets us realize this with our partner.

18. Really getting to know another person

When you spend everything waking moment with another person, there is a good chance you will get to know them better than anyone else.

19. Spiritual Connection

"'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh." Mark 10:7-8.

Marriage is often portrayed as a simple contract which can be broken or even renegotiated at some point down the road. But that is not the case. Marriage takes two individuals to spiritual depths that can't be achieved by any other means.

Love should be a big part of your marriage, but as discussed, there are lots of other factors and benefits that come from such a fulfilling relationship.

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14 things nobody tells you about becoming a daddy https://www.familytoday.com/family/14-things-nobody-tells-you-about-becoming-a-daddy/ Mon, 17 Oct 2016 06:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/14-things-nobody-tells-you-about-becoming-a-daddy/ Becoming a dad does not strip you of your freedom or end your social life, but it will completely change…

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Many things in life are thrilling and becoming a parent is definitely one of them. Even though by carrying and delivering the baby, the mother's body and life are completely impacted, but dads are intensely impacted as well. You might have to give up some things after you become a parent, but you will also gain many, many things.

Here are 14 things nobody tells you about becoming a daddy:

1. No matter what you do in the birth room, you can never do enough

The moments leading up to the birth of your child are plagued with angst about what could go wrong, and what you want to go right. After her water breaks and labor begins, it becomes clear that all you can do is offer as much support as possible, but you cannot really share in the rigor of childbirth.

2. Sleep is for the weak... or for a newborn

With a newborn in tow, you will be thrown from your usual sleeping patterns into an unpredictable array of naps. Your newborn, on the other hand, will also be following this erratic pattern, but it will meet their needs.

3. They will always let you know about their needs

From the moment a child is born, they do not hold back on expressing their needs. It is actually a reason for concern if they do not express their needs. In the initial stages, it is all about food, rest, and comfort, but even a baby does not hold back letting you know about their needs. This is one behavior that will not change as they grow into teenagers and adults.

4. Your children will challenge you

Children only become aware of the limits we teach them. Prior to that, there are no limits. They are concerned only with their wants and needs and will rarely consider how you feel about their behaviors. You will always find yourself constantly stopping your child from getting into things that they should not be getting into. Of course, children mature into teenagers and eventually adults, but they will challenge you at every stage.

5. You created a mini-you

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I notice the good and bad about myself in my children. I wonder if I am projecting my feelings, but family and friends usually confirm my personality traits in my children. Don't be surprised if you get a call from the school about something your son did, because it was something you did in school that warranted a phone call home as well.

6. You realize that adults are just big kids

Your perspective on others does change. Adults metaphorically kick, scream and cry about the things they want, just as children do. The difference is adults have to take responsibility for their behaviors.

7. Your decision making changes

When you become a dad, there is less room for spontaneity. Going where the wind takes you is only suitable if that wind is taking the family. Even a spontaneous decision has to fit in with the family schedule.

8. You learn more through your children than you would without them

The majority of what we learn in life happens away from our desk. In the space of roughly two years, your child will go from being completely helpless to being able to run and share in conversation with you. Their rapid learning causes you to learn things that you would not be concerned with otherwise.

9. Your dad becomes your superhero again

Even though you might resent your parents for things they taught you, when you become a dad, all of a sudden you realize how you might have treated your parents differently as a child.

10. You become an unpaid referee

My children are always bickering over something: "I was sitting there." "It's my turn to choose the movie." "I had it first."

I always have to step in and settle things that they could have easily settled on their own.

11. You are either a big 'softy' or a big 'meany'

With children, there is no middle ground. There is no place to negotiate. There is no collaboration. Either you give into their demands, or you are big 'meany.'

12. You will compete with your children

Your children will detract a lot of attention from you. Your wife, your parents and your friends will generally pass their attention to your children. They will take the attention you have for yourself away from you because they take away a lot of personal time.

13. You get blamed for your children's behavior

The way a child behaves is generally reflective of their experience at home. However, there are instances where your child might react in an unconventional manner. While this might surprise you, a passerby might think this is the child's normal behavior and blame the parents.

14. Prepare to repeat everything you say

Your children taking you to the limit every chance they get will require them being disciplined each time, more times for repeated offences. Sometimes they just want to be reassured of your promises.

Things nobody tells you about becoming a daddy

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5 leadership traits you develop in marriage https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/5-leadership-traits-you-develop-in-marriage/ Wed, 18 May 2016 06:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-leadership-traits-you-develop-in-marriage/ Discover how marriage is the perfect place to learn valuable leadership skills.

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Marriage is a surprising but effective way to develop leadership abilities. By developing your marriage partnership, you develop leadership skills. This is because in both marriage and leadership, you have to make partnerships work.

Here are five leadership qualities enhanced by marriage.

1. Creating an atmosphere of positive influence

Positive influence in marriage is a fountain for prosperity.

"According to marriage psychologist and researcher John Gottman, accepting influence is one of the most determining factors of a successful marriage.

When you allow your spouse toinfluence you, you make sure all decision-making processes that affect your marriage and the family are done in a team effort. In other words, before making a decision, you consult one another and allow both of your opinions to weigh in on the matter. Influence is not an individual trying to impose their values on another.

When it comes to leadership, a person in charge should possess a set of values they would like to pass on to those they lead, and those being lead must be willing to embrace those set of values. On the other hand, a good leader will also allow themselves to be appropriately influenced by those they lead - just like marriage.

The transfer of influence hinges on one important thing: trust. Colin Powell said "Trust is the essence of leadership." Creating an atmosphere of positive influence requires full trust at all times.

As you develop influence and trust in marriage you will develop the same qualities for positions outside of the home in which you lead.

2. Listening more than you speak

It is almost impossible to influence another person without listening to them. They will value what you value only when you value them.

Theodore Roosevelt said, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."

Communication (effective listening) in a marriage is arguably the most important aspect of the marriage. Spouses who listen to each other become better at supplying each other's needs.

As you develop your listening skills in marriage, you develop your listening skills in leadership. Successful leaders listen more than they speak, and speaking less portrays empathy. Demanding to be heard gives the impression of self-centeredness and self-promotion, which cripple any relationship or objective.

3. Delegating

At home, my wife and I agree on particular roles, and we expect each other to be the facilitators of those roles. This means for the tasks we each are over, the facilitator of those tasks can delegate to the other spouse or the children.

As with marriage, delegating in roles of leadership is not an opportunity to display total power; it requires organization and purpose. The leader must ensure that the individual assigned to the task is equipped to successfully complete it through their own ability and available support.

If you can effectively delegate within your marriage and family, you will be able to effectively delegate in your business and other outside responsibilities.

4. Not settling for zero-sum results

Compromise is a sure-fail in marriage. While I was preparing to get married, I was often told husbands and wives have to compromise. However, I have found that with compromise, individuals tend to keep score because one spouse gives up something while the other spouse gets what they want. Then, when the score becomes unfair, one spouse might leave the relationship feeling abused, betrayed or like injustice has occurred.

Likewise,

employees are more likely to jump ship when feel they have no voice in the company.

The solution is collaboration, where both parties (of a marriage or business partnership) honestly put their needs on the table and diligently work to achieve a state of mutual benefit. When we collaborate and negotiate in marriage, both husband and wife walk away feeling their best interests were taken in full consideration.

Collaborating and negotiating in marriage will teach you extremely well how to do the same in outside leadership roles.

5. Preserving vision

Great leaders work tirelessly to preserve vision of the future. The most important part of vision preservation is preparation. It is insuring your successors are well equipped to take the vision even further.

Similarly, you and your wife join forces to build a legacy that will flow through your posterity.Preserving the vision requires full cooperation of the entire team. If you can successful preserve vision in marriage and family life, you will successful preserve it as you lead in roles outside of the home.

You do not have to search far for opportunities to develop effective leadership abilities. Your marriage is a more-than-appropriate setting. Discover how you grow as a leader while you diligently develop your marriage.

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7 tips for when your wife becomes an entrepreneur https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/7-tips-for-when-your-wife-becomes-an-entrepreneur/ Tue, 08 Mar 2016 06:30:03 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/7-tips-for-when-your-wife-becomes-an-entrepreneur/ Being an entrepreneur brings many challenges that are becoming increasingly complex. Here are a few tips to ensure your marriage…

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Females currently account for only 4.6% of Fortune 500 CEOs, but there are more now than ever before including Mary Barra of General Motors, Virgina Rometty of IBM and Indra Nooyi of PepsiCo. There are more female billionaires. There are more female entrepreneurs.

I assume some husbands are terrified of their wives becoming entrepreneurs because their wives will become more occupied with business stuff: meetings, budgets, taxes, phone calls, emails and so forth. But this is a perfect opportunity to take your relationship to new heights.

Here are a few tips to ensure your marriage stays healthy during this transition.

Listen keenly to every word she says

She will talk about her passion. She will talk about her goals. She will talk about her expectations. And she will most likely complain to you about the downsides of work and brag to you about the upsides. Do not dismiss her complaining, and do not be insulted by her bragging. Invite her to complain and brag. Your focus should be to collaborate in resolving issues and encouraging success. When spouses listen to each other, they push one another further by encouraging each to excel in his or her gifts and talents.

All the employees she will hire and business partnerships she will undertake will require adequate time to learn her character. But you know her better than anyone. You know her tendencies, her weaknesses and, of course, her strengths. Remind her of her strengths. Re-prove to her that you will be there to offset her weaknesses.

Let your voice be heard early

Speak words of encouragement, but do not be shy to voice your concerns. Any risk she is taking will inevitably wind its way back into the family. Let your voice be heard early to eliminate possible risks that can be detrimental to your marriage and family.

Learn the new language she is speaking

Content marketing, top-line versus bottom-line, bounce rates and net present value are just a few of the things that might slip out of her mouth at dinner. If you learn to speak the business language, then you will have more to talk about. If you don't learn it, then you will not have much to contribute and probably feel marginalized.

If you don't have time to learn it from another source, then learn it from her. When she mentions something you are not familiar with, ask her to explain it. Showing you are interested in how she communicates, demonstrates you are interested in her.

Be her most important employee (MIE)

Great employees are those who look for gaps and find ways to fill them. Either they acquire new skills to do so or they seek support in filling those needs. Be the first employee she hires, and be the employee she never has to fire.

Suppose she has a big decision to make today. She slept fitfully last night. You know because she kept you up all night. She is about to start her day on the wrong foot. However, a typical MIE would go above and beyond to ensure her day flows smoothly. You, being her husband, possess knowledge about her you can put to use right away. Do your best to provide what she needs for such a moment. This sets up the possibility of celebrating a victory at day's end. And even if the outcome is unfavourable, celebrate anyway because you approached it as a team-one went on the field, the other brought the water and the sunscreen.

Remember it is a partnership, not a competition

Partners collaborate by putting their individual needs on the table and then work together to ensure the highest level of mutual benefit. When you were in the process of preparing to get married, some of your needs were probably addressed. Now that your wife has another dimension of needs, you will naturally generate a new set of needs. Talk about both of your needs.

It is not you running the family against her running her business. It is both of you raising a family along with growing a business. Your collaboration will give you a better chance of succeeding in both areas. If you are competing, then there can only be one winner and one loser, which will lead to you both losing in the end.

Know her schedule so you can properly plan your time together

You still need to plan date nights and time together. Since you are the most important employee, you will need to know what her day-to-day entails. Since you are her most trusted employee, she will need to know your schedule as well.

The calendar over the fridge might not have enough room, so an electronic calendar might be more suitable. Gmail and Outlook allow account holders to share calendars. You can include details such as time, place, duration and attendees. This is one way to insure you do not surprise or disappoint each other when your son has a recital or your daughter has a volleyball game.

Don't stop sending her flowers

She still wants to know you think she is the most beautiful person in the world. Whatever you did to make her smile before, do that more. Be the most attractive person to her. Take her advice on what to wear. Ask her where she wants to vacation. Keep sending her flowers.

When my wife became an entrepreneur, I fell deeper in love with her, and I became an entrepreneur as well. She took my advice to pursue her passion. I took her advice to pursue my passion. We became young again-energetic and fearless. And even with 4 children, we bring out the best of each other.

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