Who doesn't love a happy hubby? Here are four things you can do today to help your husband feel loved and appreciated, making today his best day ever.

1. Send him text messages

Text your husband throughout the day with little messages of love. These texts may be words, pictures or videos. This is a great way to remind your husband (and yourself) how much you appreciate him.

Mix up your texts. Make some of them tastefully sexy so your husband will not know what to expect when he receives a text from you. This is perfect for keeping the spark alive in your relationship.

Here are some ideas on what you can text to him:

"Can't wait to kiss you later."

"What would you like me to wear to bed tonight?"

"I don't know if this is normal, but my legs get weak when you kiss me."

"I really miss you. I wish we were together right now."

In addition, send a picture or video of yourself. Like texts, the pictures or video can be spicy or tame. You can be wearing an outfit you know he really likes or simply send expressions of your love.

2. Show and initiate PDA

Express your love and appreciation by showing public displays of affection. Hold hands while walking, and give him a random hug and kiss when you are out together.

When your husband walks in the door, stop what you are doing to embrace him and give him a kiss. Be a little more forward sometimes with a more passionate kiss. Do not let routine get in the way of showing and expressing your love.

Showing PDA is a great way to stay connected emotionally. Although sex is often believed to be the driving motivation for infidelity, research shows that, particularly among men, emotional dissatisfaction is more likely to drive a man to an affair. Signs of affection help solidify emotional health.

PDA can lead to renewed intimacy and passion in the bedroom. Bedroom habits often age along with a marriage. But although things change, it does not mean they have to get stale or boring. Mix things up and let sex be new and exciting, like when you first were married. And remember, intimacy comes in many forms, including hugging, kissing and cuddling with each other. Great physical intimacy starts with good emotional connection outside the bedroom. Be a little courageous and initiate intimacy.

3. Take care of your appearance and be sexy

Think about when you first met your husband. What made him notice you and say "WOW! I want to meet her"? Present yourself in a way that lets him say that again. Husbands enjoy seeing their wives looking good.

Do your best to look good for him and for yourself. This does not mean you need to look like a supermodel. Your appearance is more about you taking care of yourself, not your size or your figure. You are gorgeous to him. When he tells you how gorgeous he thinks you are, do not dismiss it — smile and thank him for the compliment.

Amidst household chores, taking care of an entire family, and doing her best to keep everyone happy, a woman often neglects herself. Take time in your busy day to pamper yourself so you feel good about yourself. Then send him a photo of how great you look!

4. Be his biggest supporter and advocate

It is so easy to focus on the negative and what your husband is not doing. Focus on what he's doing right rather than how he's making you mad. Concentrate on the positive. You can do this by encouraging him. Encouragement builds him up and makes him feel good about himself.

Let him know you need him. Allow him to do things for you, such as holding the door open for you or opening a jar that you are struggling with. It may sound backwards, but allowing your husband to help you helps him have a great day. Become interested in his day-to-day activities and ask questions to show you care.

Enjoy each other and cherish the relationship you have as you grow together.

Ultimately, allow yourself to have fun as you flirt with him. As you do, he will have the best day ever and in return, he will return the favor and give you the best day ever.

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Yes! I am happy. It is a choice I have make. Do you want to be as happy as I am? There are specific things you can do to train your brain to be happy.

During the past decade or so, the theory of positive psychology has gained a strong following. Research has shown only 10% of our happiness is due to our external circumstances. And a full 90% is based on our inner "environment" with 50% of our happiness level coming from our genes and 40% coming from intentional activities like gratitude, mindfulness and self-reflection.

Here are three simple ways you can literally be happier with impressive research studies to back them up.

Gratitude

First, be grateful for all you have and be grateful for those around you. If you write down three things you are grateful for every night before you go to bed, you will begin to see some interesting results. Do this for one week. The more specific your gratitudes, the better. For instance, if you are grateful for your spouse, write down something specific they did that day that made you smile.

In a 2005 nationwide study, this seemingly simple exercises produced astounding results. People who completed this activity for just one week, showed increased levels of happiness and decreased symptoms of depression directly after the experiment and a full 6 months later.

Another study found that when you express your gratitude to someone and tell him or her why you are grateful, your happiness increases up to 19%. Take time to not only write down your gratitudes but to also share with others why you are grateful for them.

Another idea is to take 20 minutes to write in your journal about a recent positive experience. Again, be as specific as you can about the experience and why it made you happy. Do this 3 or 4 times per week. People who write about positive experiences at least 3 days a week report enhanced positive moods and a 50% drop in doctor's visits up to three months later.

If you have a significant other, journal about him or her. A few times in the coming week, take some time to write about your deepest thoughts and feelings about your relationship. In a study of 86 dating couples, those who completed this exercise for one week were significantly more likely to still be together 3 months later than the control group couples.

As you do any of these gratitude exercises, you will begin to notice throughout the day more things to be grateful for. You will notice things that you have not noticed before.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the act of being intensely aware of what you are sensing and feeling during the present moment without interpretation or judgment. This can be very difficult at first, but it becomes easier the more time you spend developing this skill. There are several exercises that can assist you in developing your mindfulness skills.

Research shows those who practice mindfulness report higher levels of happiness and have a strengthened immune system. They also have decreased risk of heart disease and a higher tolerance for pain. Mindfulness reduces stress, anxiety, depression and negative thinking. It improves focus, mood, energy levels and social relationships with family and others.

There are two types of mindfulness: psychological mindfulness and meditative mindfulness. Psychological mindfulness is a quality in which you maintain an open, accepting, present focus on day-to-day life. Meditative mindfulness focuses on something specific like breath. Once you learn meditative mindfulness, you can then begin working the practice into your daily life.

To meditate, spend 5 minutes every day sitting quietly and feeling your breath go in and out. Try to clear your mind of other thoughts and just think about your breathing. Learn to take some deep breaths to help relieve stress and tension.

As you practice meditation, you will develop the skills to go longer than 5 minutes. Eventually, you can work up to a length of time that is comfortable for you. As you become comfortable with meditation, become aware of everything around you. Enjoy the noises of nature or simply listen when you are sitting at work or home and discover sounds you generally miss such as a school bell, a train or the furnace.

Self-Reflection

Lastly, don't dwell on the past. Leave your past in the past. The past is like the rear view mirror of a car. It is good to glance in it, but if you focus on it, you will not see what is in front of you. Happiness is not out there in the world for you to find because it is within you. So stop looking outwardly. Look inwardly to discover greater happiness.

To look forward and to develop the future you desire, take time regularly to focus on yourself. Self-reflection is a time to focus on questions about your goals, behavior and general state of mind. When doing this exercise, be 100% truthful. Here are some questions to ask yourself when self-reflecting:

1) What are my core values and am I living up to them?

2) Am I a person who others can respect?

3) What positive impact am I making on the world?

4) Am I performing at my peak performance?

5) What changes am I willing to make today to be on the path to the future I desire?

Reflection is good, but make it even more worthwhile by putting your reflections into action. Happiness is not a passive word, it is an action word. Go out and put happiness into action.

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We want to think we are realistic, but we base our expectations on our past experiences, including our experience in our own families. When marriage does not meet our expectations, we begin to realize there are things we wish we knew prior to the honeymoon. Here are three things you may have wished somebody would have warned you about before you got married.

1. You are at the end of all your problems... but which end?

We want to believe marriage will solve our problems. Granted, it does solve or end some of your problems. However, it brings new ones into your life. Instead of thinking of marriage as an end, think of it as a new beginning.

Even after you are married, the two of you will continue to grow and change both individually and as a couple. As you grow together, you will have more responsibility. Work together to overcome difficulties in your marriage. Realize that love alone is not strong enough to build a solid foundation. A solid foundation takes work and effort as you work through difficulties that bring you closer together.

There are some common problems people often think marriage will solve. For instance, marriage will not erase your insecurities. If you are insecure before you get married, you will continue to be insecure unless you work through your difficulties.

2. Great sex does not happen naturally

We start our marriage with "great expectations", often about sex. What needs to be remembered, is that men and women view and desire sex differently. In addition, we receive and express love differently. Love is the willingness to be there for another person and share in each other's life. It's a combination of emotional, spiritual, and physical feelings. To make your marriage the best it can be, learn to understand yourself and how you like affection shown.

Take time to learn about sex from your partner's perspective. Take time to understand each other's likes and dislikes. Sex is better once you know what you and your partner like. Be adventurous and try something new once in a while, you might find that you enjoy something you did know you would like.

Keep your life together physical. Research consistently shows that touching more creates a stronger bond by releasing oxytocin. Hold hands, rub shoulders, hug and kiss. Make a conscience effort to hug and kiss for 30 seconds at least once a day. There will be a noticeable difference in the way you feel and interact.

3. Conflict is not a sign of dysfunction

Conflict is part of every relationship. One of the top reasons for divorce is irreconcilable differences. I have worked with couples who think if they do not agree on everything, their marriage is a failure. Nothing could be further from the truth. Couples who get divorced have about 8-10 irreconcilable differences, whereas happily married couples have about 8-10 irreconcilable differences. So what is the difference? The difference is how you communicate about these differences. Learn proper communication skills.

Part of effective conflict resolution is the ability and willingness to forgive. When you forgive, you are expressing a desire to make your marriage work. Communicationis absolutely vital and is more effective than silence.

Issues will arise in your marriage. Having the ability and willingness to talk about and resolve issues is important. Remember that the two of you were raised in different environments with different ways of solving conflict. Both ways may be positive and work, but they may also be very different. How you work through the conflict is more important than the conflict itself. As you learn to work together, you will learn the art of compromise and forgiveness.

Communication is more than talking. It is a balance of talking, listening and understanding. It involves paying attention to what your fiancé is thinking and feeling. Good communication builds both parties up, increases self-esteem and is uplifting. Religious leader, Theodore M. Burton said: "Couples interested only in themselves don't communicate. Lack of communication then becomes a major stumbling block in developing true love."

Love is the very foundation of a good marriage. As long as you choose to fortify your love in marriage, you will be happy. Marriage is what you make it and can be wonderful. Enjoy every moment, and do not let the small things get in the way of making it a happy marriage. Remember, love is a choice... make the choice to love your spouse.

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Getting married without premarital preparation is like starting a business without a marketing plan - it can work, but there will be more bumps than necessary. Don't just wing it or count on luck and romantic attachment; start off right by discussing these questions together.

How is your communication?

Communication is more than talking. It is a balance of talking, listening and understanding. It includes paying attention to what your fiancé is thinking and feeling. Good communication builds both parties up, increases self-esteem and is uplifting. Religious leader Theodore M. Burton said, "Couples interested only in themselves don't communicate. Lack of communication then becomes a major stumbling block in developing true love."

How will you resolve conflicts that arise in your marriage?

Issues will arise in your marriage, so having the ability and willingness to talk about and resolve them together is important. Remember that the two of you were raised in different environments with different ways of solving conflict. Both ways may be positive and work, but they may also be very different. How you work through the conflict is more important than the conflict itself. As you learn to work together, you will learn the art of compromise and forgiveness.

Who will be in charge of the finances?

The topic of finances is always tricky, and needs to be discussed together. Coming up with a budget and how the money will be spent should be a couple decision. Money issues are one of the top three issues in a marriage. When financial issues do arise, discuss them as soon as possible to prevent further issues.

How will you share household responsibilities?

"Chores" - you know, the ones your parents made you do before you could go out on Friday night? These now become yours and your spouse's joint responsibility. Remember, your mother does not live with you anymore and your spouse is not your parent.

How do you like affection shown?

Different people receive and express love differently. Love is the willingness to be there for another person and to share in each other's life. Love is a combination of emotional, spiritual and physical feelings. To make your marriage the best it can be, learn to understand yourself and how you like affection shown.

How do you see intimacy in your married life?

Intimacy and sex can be difficult issues to discuss, even in a healthy marriage. In marriage, the goal is to have a deeply intimate relationship that is also sexually healthy. Men and women experience intimacy and sex differently. Intimacy is not just sex; it includes hugging, cuddling and embracing as well.

What about children?

The first question to ask each other is: Do you want to have children? Pending an affirmative response, the next question to consider is: How long after marriage do you want to start having children?

What are your expectations regarding time together?

Before marriage, you make an effort to spend time with your fiancé. You arrange your schedules to be together. Once married, couples sometimes get so involved in their daily lives that they often forget to spend quality time with each other on a regular basis. Make time to still go out on dates. Remember, your marriage is the most important relationship you will have in this life.

What are your greatest concerns about married life?

We all have concerns, and maybe some apprehension, about new ventures. Marriage is a new venture. Remember that every marriage has its ups and downs.

Are you willing to share and comfortable sharing your concerns with your fiancé? If you are not, do what you need to do to become comfortable. Be willing to open up and share your fears and concerns with each other. Realize marriage is a lifelong decision, and everyone has marital concerns. It is OK to be nervous. Do not let any of the concerns you discuss get in the way of your marriage. Discuss them, resolve them and move forward together.

What behaviors/beliefs do you expect both of you to follow?

Expectations are based on several factors, including the way you were raised and religious beliefs. Some of these expectations may have been hinted at throughout your courtship.

For example - movies and video games. Are there certain kinds of movies you expect not to be watched, together or alone? This may include the amount of time you spend in these activities or it may involve ratings.

Social networking is an issue that should be discussed in depth. What are the expectations regarding being friends with those of the opposite sex? What about former boyfriends or girlfriends?

What are your priorities in life?

What you value is generally where your priorities will be, and what you spend time working on. What are your goals for yourself and as a couple? Setting goals allows you to have direction. In order to set goals, you will want to know and understand your priorities as well as each other's.

What are your longterm goals in life?

What do you want to achieve in life? How ambitious and motivated are you to accomplish those goals? Are you comfortable with your fiancé's level of ambition and motivation? If not, what compromises are you willing to make?

Consider setting goals in areas like employment and your profession. If your profession requires schooling, will you be able to start attending now or do you need to wait? How will you pay for your schooling? What are your goals and objectives related to your career?

Love is the foundation of a good marriage. As long as you protect your love for each other in marriage, you will be happy. Enjoy every moment and do not let the small things get in the way of making it a happy marriage. Notice I said, "making it a happy marriage." It is up to each of you, individually and together, to make your marriage a happy one.

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There is an acronym which may help you work through and often overcome your difficulties. Here we will briefly touch on each one.

The acronym is PURIFY: _Prepare for struggles. __U_nderstand your body. R__esponsibility. _Identify your triggers. __F_ortify yourself against temptation. Y__ou are in control.

You need to prepare for struggles. Learn what your struggles are and prepare yourself for what will happen when the struggle occurs. This helps you overcome the difficulty easier and faster.

Next, understand your body. This may sound odd, but it is important. Learn to recognize and understand what your body is telling you. Recognize your emotions and how you are feeling inside. Begin to understand what your emotions are telling you. You may begin the downward spiral a couple of days before your actual struggle. Listening and understanding your body is a skill that takes time to learn. This can be accomplished through the use of meditation and relaxation.

Responsibility is often a hard one. This means you take responsibility for your actions and what you do. You also need to take responsibility for overcoming your difficulties. Do not blame others for your actions. Oftentimes we say, "If only you"�" and blame others for our own predicaments. You must take responsibility. You will begin to understand yourself better which makes it easier to bridle your passions.

Identify your triggers. This means to understand what "sets you off" or makes you experience your difficulty. In other words, identify what drives you to your difficulty. Socrates stated "Know thyself". How many of us really know and understand ourselves?

This entire acronym requires you to become more familiar with yourself as well as understanding your struggles and what brings them on.

Once you have identified your triggers, fortify yourself against temptation. If possible, avoid situations that triggers you. There are many ways to do this, it is called coping and the skills used are called coping skills.

We cope with difficulties differently. They may include: listening to music, going outside and enjoying creations in nature, exercising, or reading a good book. Surrounding yourself with virtuous things in your home or workplace, including pictures, paintings, gifts from loved ones, items that make us laugh, or things that help us recall meaningful memories. All of these can benefit and help you cope with the world around you.

Remember, you are in control. In other words, be in control of your life and your struggles. Do not be controlled by them. This means you can and will endure to the end and keep fighting. When you PURIFY yourself, you will be stronger and better able to handle whatever you encounter.

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Relationship advice is important for a lasting and successful marriage, but before you take in too much advice, enjoy the moment!

Do not rush right into planning your wedding. Take time to enjoy the "just engaged" stage. Once you have enjoyed the moment, start listening to the relationship advice that will be given by those around you. Specifically, listen to those who have marriages you want to pattern your own after.

Your engagement is a time to prepare for a happy marriage, and the best way to make your marriage great is to work together. Marriage, like every other relationship, has its ups and downs. You may think you and your fiancé have talked about all aspects of marriage; however, there are issues that couples generally forget to discuss - finances, extended family and other issues you may not have thought much about.

It's important to strengthen your relationship and prepare constructively for the future challenges and conflicts you'll inevitably face at some point in your marriage. Before you get married is a great time to start working on strengthening your marriage while you have fresh, positive energy in your relationship.

Here are five tips to help make your engagement smoother:

1. Continue getting to know each other

Ask a lot of questions to stimulate conversation so there are fewer surprises about your partner after the marriage ceremony. Remember, marriage is taking two different backgrounds - two different ways of doing things - and making a new and, hopefully, improved life together. Religious leader, Dallin H. Oaks, states, "A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection." Realize neither you nor your fiancé is perfect, and allow each other the privilege of not being perfect. Become committed to making your marriage work before the wedding, and you will be able to work through difficult times easier.

2. Learn each other's love languages

Learn how you and your fiancé feel loved. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are five love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, acts of service and quality time.

Determine your partner's love language, and then begin showing love in that particular way. Because no one feels love only one way, you should use all the love languages, but give special attention to the love language your partner associates with most.

3. Learn good communication skills

The number one cause of marital issues is communication - and lack of communication may include talking but not listening. There are specific communication danger signs, and learning to avoid them will improve your relationship.

Listening to your fiancé without your own agenda getting in the way will make your spouse feel loved immeasurably. It is important that your fiancé can sense you are being authentic, so share with him or her your thoughts, struggles and emotions, and listen when your fiancé shares the same with you. Help your spouse feel like the most important person in your world.

4. Discuss your vision of marriage and decide what's most important

What are your expectations for marriage? What is most important to you? Spend time discussing these important relationship questions. I am sure you and your partner have discussed these questions, but continue to discuss them, developing a deeper appreciation for each other and better understanding each other's backgrounds.

5. Learn to manage money

The topic of money can be difficult to discuss. What are your current spending habits? Do you deal with your money wisely? Once you are married, money becomes a bigger challenge. While you are engaged, begin your financial adventures with your fiancé by setting a mutual goal to live within your means. Discuss and set up a budget you can both agree on. When setting up the budget, be realistic. One person should not dominate over the other while discussing financial matters. It does not matter who brings in more money. The important thing is to focus on your relationship.

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Your relationship with your spouse is important and needs to be nourished and strengthened daily. The question then becomes, "How do I help my spouse feel loved?" Since each person feels loved and appreciated in different ways, the answer is not straightforward.

As you work at things and try different ideas, you will figure out the best way to make your spouse feel loved. Here are some ideas to begin your journey.

Be observant

Know that your spouse may feel love differently than you do, and be observant. Observe how he or she shows you love. We generally show love the way we feel love, so recognize the little things your spouse does for you. Does she write affectionate notes? Does he text you in the middle of the day for no apparent reason other than to say "I love you?" Understanding how your spouse shows you love is a big hint as to how he or she wants love shown in return. Once you've figured out how your spouse wants to be loved, continue being observant. Never stop increasing your knowledge about your spouse's needs and feelings.

Identify love languages

There are five love languages as described by Dr. Gary Chapman: words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, acts of service and quality time.

Once you determine what your spouse's love language is, begin showing love and appreciation through those means. Realize, however, that no one feels love only one way. Use all the love languages, but focus on your spouse's number one preferred language.

Communicate with your spouse

There are several ways to communicate your love and appreciation for your spouse. Listening without your own agenda getting in the way will make your spouse feel loved in ways you do not realize. The number one cause of marital issues is bad communication. Or, it may be a lack of communication - not talking or listening at all. Either way, this causes difficulties. There are specific communication danger signs. By learning to overcome these danger signs, you will improve your relationship.

Tell your spouse how much he or she is loved by you. Express your admiration and show how much you want to spend time together. You may even want to say, "Thank you for being my spouse." It is important that your spouse can sense you are authentic. Share your thoughts, struggles and emotions, and listen when your spouse shares the same with you. Good communication will make your relationship strong and will help your spouse feel that he or she is the most important person in your life.

Let go of the small stuff

Do not dwell on the little imperfections in your relationship. No relationship or spouse will be perfect, but treat your relationship and your spouse as if they are perfect. Learn to forgive. Once a situation is discussed and resolved, do not bring it up again. When something from the past keeps getting brought up in arguments, the relationship and communication become unsafe. To help your spouse feel loved, keep your relationship safe and free from past issues.

Continually work on, improve, nourish and strengthen your relationship. Make it a daily goal to make your marriage stronger than the day before. This is done through the little acts you do every day. Share your feelings and help your spouse understand just how much he or she is loved. The chorus of the song, "All of Me," by John Legend says, "All of me loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections." Help your spouse feel perfect "just the way they are."

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Marriage is wonderful. Don't allow the small things to get in the way of keeping the flame alive in your marriage. It is up to each of you, individually and together, to make this happen. Realize that building a successful marriage takes a lifetime of effort.

There are many different activities you can do to rekindle the flame if the fire begins to go down. Here are just a few:

1. Communicate regularly

Communication is more than talking. It is an exchange between the two of you where talking, listening and understanding occurs. It involves the ability to pay attention to what your spouse is thinking and feeling. Good communication builds both parties up, increases self-esteem and is uplifting.

Help your spouse feel comfortable talking with you. This requires respecting each other's opinion. You will not always agree. However, you can always be respectful of the other person's opinion.

2. Connect emotionally

Understanding and listening to the needs and wants of your spouse helps bring the two of you closer together. Continue to get to know each other on a deeper level. A good question to ask your spouse is "How best can I love you?" Then listen to their response and do what you can to meet their desires.

3. Connect physically

Make time each week to spend on romance and intimacy. Throughout the week, flirt with your spouse - remind them that you're attracted to them. This could be through texts, small comments or simply smiling. Let them know you are still interested. Hugging and kissing often will go a long way in rekindling the flame. Remember to keep holding hands.

It is also important to maintain a good sexual relationship with your spouse. Sexual relations bring the two of you together in a way that no other activity can. Make sure to talk about your likes and dislikes. A marriage with a healthy sexual life will more likely be stronger in other areas, as well.

4. Spend time together

Have fun together more often than not and enjoy spending time together. Make sure to include play in your relationship. Go out on dates regularly - before and after you have children. Always feel safe together. Make your home and relationship a safe place for each of you.

5. Remember to laugh

Don't take life (or anything else) too seriously. Laughing helps put things in perspective. When you laugh together, it's hard to be angry.

6. Look for the best in each other

When you look for and focus on the best in others, we see the best. Laughter reduces stress, relieves tension, and lifts your spirits. Share funny moments from your day, watch funny movies together, and always remember to smile.

7. Be attractive

Once married, do not get in the mindset that you do not need to keep yourself looking good. Maintain your attractiveness by staying healthy and fit. Realize that your definition of attractiveness will change as you get older. Ask your spouse what he or she finds attractive and do what you can to maintain that attractiveness.

Before marriage, we do our best to look good and "woo" the person we are dating. Why should that change just because you get married? Continue to "woo" your spouse.

8. Express gratitude

Saying "thank you" is also an important key in rekindling the flame in your marriage. Don't take the little things for granted. Let your spouse know how much she (and her simple gestures) means to you each and every day.

9. Love each other

Love is an action word. It is the very foundation of a good marriage. As long as you choose to fortify your love in marriage, you will be happy. George Washington, in a letter to Burwell Bassett, dated May 23, 1785, wrote, "I have always considered marriage as the most interesting event of one's life, the foundation of happiness or misery." Make your relationship and life, a happy one.

Be faithful to each other. This includes physically as well as emotionally faithful. Be aware of how your actions are perceived by your spouse and others with whom you interact.

10. List 10 positives about your relationship

When we look for the positive, we find it. When we look for negative, we find that too. Look for the positive in your relationship, now and always. Benjamin Franklin said, "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards."

An activity to recognize the positive in your relationship is journaling. Take time to write in a journal about your romantic partner. Try to write about your deepest thoughts and feelings about your relationship.

Be committed to your marriage and keep the flame burning.

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Your goals are derived from your priorities

There are six basic priorities in life to think about: your relationship with God, your relationship with your spouse, your relationship with your family, your relationship with your friends, your education and career and your finances. These six basic priorities are then broken down into more specific priorities. It is important to remember that many of your priorities in life will change according to the different phases of life. For instance, your priorities as a single individual differ from your priorities as a married couple. Also, your priorities while you are attending school will be different than your priorities after you graduate.

Understand both your own and your spouse's priorities

Once you understand your own priorities and your spouse's priorities, you can begin setting goals - individually and as a couple. Setting goals is an important aspect of growing up and having a family for whom you are responsible. Acknowledging, setting and sharing your goals with each other will allow the two of you to be on the same page and work together toward your "happily ever after."�

Make sure your goals are SMART

When setting goals, the ultimate question is what do you want to achieve in life? You need to understand how ambitious and motivated you are to accomplish your goals. You also want your goals to be SMART. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely.

Consider your own and your spouse's circumstances before you were married

We each grow up under different circumstances which lead us to have certain beliefs. Recognize how this affects the goals you set. For example, I am an entrepreneur. My desire has always been to work shorter weeks, but longer hours. My wife came from a family where her father worked "regular"� hours and was home in the evenings. My wife thought that I would go to work "regular hours"� and be home in the evening like her father. Once we discussed each other's different perspectives, we understood each other better and were able to work through this difference and ultimately come to an agreement.

Create a bucket list

Do you have a bucket list? How does it compare to your spouse's bucket list? If you are not familiar with the term "bucket list,"� it is a list of things you want to accomplish and do before you die. This is a good place to begin when setting goals.

Set win-win goals with your spouse.

Goals can include any aspect of life or what you want to accomplish. They could include the lifestyle that you hope to have someday. Whatever your goals are, remember that goals in marriage should generally be cooperative goals which reflect a win-win attitude.

Write down your goals

When writing down goals, begin with the end in mind. In other words, start with long-term goals. Once you have written down your long-range goals, how will you achieve them? You rarely wake up one day having achieved your goals without setting short-term and interim goals first.

Be sure to write your goals down and discuss them with your spouse so you can refer to them often. Remember, a goal not written down is just a wish. As an activity, write down individual and couple goals. Break them down into 1-year, 5-year, 10-year and 20-year goals. Be sure to share and discuss them with your spouse.

Adapted by permission from: Playing 20 Questions With Your Fiance by: Russell C. Gaede, PsyD

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We communicate with others every day. Communication is more than just words; it includes body language, facial expressions, and acts of service. Communication within a relationship is important because it helps each of us express our needs, wants and concerns to each other. Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows us to express differences as well as love for one another. It is through communication that as a couple you are able to resolve the unavoidable problems that arise.

Communication is important in the making of a great marriage. Spencer W. Kimball, former president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints spoke of the importance of good communication. "In my experience I find that in a large number of marital cases, the problem is lack of communication; the wires are down, the poles are burned, husbands and wives are jangling, and there is static where there should be peace. There is growing disgust and hate where there should be love and harmony."�

There are four danger signs in communication. When you find yourself doing any (or all) of these, there are potential problems. The Danger Signs are: 1) Escalation; 2) Invalidation; 3) Negative Interpretation; and 4) Withdrawal and Avoidance.

Escalation

This is "one-upping"� the other person. This can be done in the things you say and the way you say them or in raising the volume of your voice. When escalation occurs, communication starts shutting down quickly because you both want to be heard, but feel the other person is not listening. In order to correct an escalation problem, check your emotions regularly to assess if you are getting frustrated and upset. By checking your emotions, you will be able to control yourself and correct the problem before it begins.

Invalidation

This can be subtle or direct. Eye rolling or making statements like, "no, you do not really feel that way"� are actions of invalidation. When you feel invalidated, you tend to start shutting down. To correct this danger sign, be aware of how you respond to each other. If you feel invalidated, let your spouse know as this can often lead to much more serious difficulties.

Negative interpretation

This is when a person says something and you immediately think the most negative meaning of what was said. If you want to know what the other person really means, ask. You may be surprised at what he or she meant. Clarify the actual meaning of the statement; otherwise, it can lead to invalidation.

Withdrawal and avoidance

This can be done many different ways. The most common is walking away. Another way is ignoring the other person. Avoidance comes when you do not want to talk about the situation or solve the problem. When there is a person who tends to withdraw, the other person often pursues. If you feel you need a "time out"� to gather your thoughts so you don't escalate, it is acceptable. The way to appropriately withdraw is to tell the other person, "I need some time to think through this, let's come back in 30 minutes and we will finish discussing it."� The most important aspect of this is to actually come back and finish talking.

Each of us has our "favorite"� danger sign that we tend to do more often. Recognizing and acknowledging our own danger sign allows you to make changes. Notice that I refer to "our own"� danger sign. This allows introspection and not finger pointing.

It is important to work through and discuss how we communicate so we can continue to improve our relationships. Be open and honest with yourself. If you do not communicate well, take time to learn since we communicate daily with others. If you feel you are a good communicator, keep practicing and improving these skills.

Reference:

Fighting for Your Marriage: A Deluxe Revised Edition of the Classic Best-seller for Enhancing Marriage and Preventing Divorce (Markman, Stanley, & Blumberg, 2010)

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