-Buddha

Can't seem to resist the urge to tell others how your ex screwed up your life? Well, first off, we get it. Your ex hurt you - badly. But as harsh and unsympathetic as this is going to sound, you really need to understand what you're doing to yourself by bad-mouthing your ex.

Your heart suffers -literally

When you talk trash about your ex, you're actually negatively affecting your heart. A great majority of the time, the source of bad-mouthing is anger, and anger sends your body into "fight or flight" mode. According to WebMD, the fight or flight mode induces stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol that "speed up your heart rate and breathing and give you a burst of energy. Blood pressure also rises as your blood vessels constrict." So, how many times in a day are you sending your heart into a panic because of your bad-mouthing? How quickly are you on your way to a heart attack because you can't speak kindly?

When you speak trash, you have to wear trash

This is a saying my great-aunt once told me. Think about your self-image. What do the people around you think or say about you because of all the hurtful things you say constantly about your ex? You lower your standards when you speak badly about others, therefore, you look low. Not your ex. Rise above your anger and show your greatness by being respectful (and, yes, maybe even kind) when it comes to topics about your ex. If you find out that your ex is bad-mouthing you, simply ignore his or her inability to communicate what's really going on - that they are hurting.

You're giving the impression that you'll never move on

You might be shouting, "I have moved on! I've got a great person now!" But really, have you? Quite frankly if you can't hold a conversation with someone without talking trash on your ex, you really haven't moved on. Your ex is still on your mind because your ex is still on your tongue. If you find yourself starting to bad-mouth your ex, stop yourself. Say, "I'm sorry. I'm trying not to do that anymore," and move on in your conversation. This will take practice, but you will get there.

As my great aunt told me, "Honey, you gotta rip that trash off and stop speaking trash. People only speak trash because they are trash. Rise above the hurt, and learn how to move on with your head held up high."

Don't be shackled by the anger and urge to bad-mouth your ex. Foster growth, creativity and the new life you should be living now.

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Cheating: The word that makes the world gasp in disgust. Normally, this word is associated with men or women who have made some questionable romantic choices, but never is it associated with spending too much time with your children.

Now, perhaps you're thinking, "I'm a mom! What do you think I'm supposed to do? Ditch my kids? I have a house to run - millions of things to do to keep everything going. I'm doing everything that makes me a good mom!"

First, hats off to you for having such an honorable title (Mom). Second, ask yourself right now, "How much time do I spend with my kids every day?" Then, ask yourself, "How much time do I spend with my husband?" And, when you are with your husband, what do you most often talk about?

If you and your husband have become more like roommates than spouses because your lives revolve around your kiddos, then yes. You need to know that you are cheating on your marriage. On your husband. With your kids.

And now is the time to fix it.

A dear friend once told me, "When you have children, you must set aside time for your husband. It's natural for a mother to spend all her time being with and thinking about her children. But your husband wants to be with you. Not 'the mom' you who fusses about the children and the house. He wants, he needs, to spend time with the person he took out on dates, chased around and asked to marry."

Goodness, what a ton of bricks dropped in my mind afterward! I suddenly heard my own mother's voice in my head on the day I announced my engagement. "Know that he's the one for you. Know that he's the one you will always want to spend time with - and the other way around. It's far better to be single your entire life than to experience the great pain and sorrow of being married and feeling alone. That pain is so deep and dark that no one should know it."

Imagine your husband coming home to a wife who spends all her physical and mental energy on the children - to the point where there is no more, "How's your day? Fancy a movie? Had the strangest dream the other night!" How would that affect your husband?

Motherhood has many demands, but wives mustn't forget that they have husbands whom they are going to spend the rest of their lives with. Your children will grow up and move out, leaving just you and your husband in your home. How awkward you'll be around each other if you don't make time for each other outside of your children!

So, how do you get that "alone time" with your husband when there seems to be no time or money? My grandparents used to take walks around the yard after the kids were in bed, holding hands (that was a requirement). They'd talk only about each other, something that was hard for my grandmother to do, seeing as she was a stay-at-home mother of six. But it wasn't until she finally learned to do this that she felt closer to my grandfather.

Think about the simple things you can do to make time for your husband. Watch a movie, read a book together, take a drive. Goodness, my husband and I literally have "pillow talk" because we've found that the only time we have to focus on each other is when we are about to fall asleep. Silly as it sounds, it means the world to my husband. I didn't even know how much it meant to him until I got back from spending a holiday with my sister. As I told him goodnight, he told me how much he missed talking to me before sleep.

With all the tedious, stressful and, of course, joyful moments children bring to our lives, we mustn't forget that we are also responsible for the well-being of our husbands. Just as we expect our husbands to take care of our feelings, we must take care of theirs. Stop cheating on your husband with your kids, and get back to being that woman that drove him crazy when you were dating. It's not easy at first, but you'll get the hang of it.

The post How you’re cheating on your husband, and you don’t even know it appeared first on FamilyToday.

Emotional infidelity

What is it? Simple, it's when your thoughts and emotions are focused on someone that is not your spouse. Don't be ridiculous and say, "Well I think about my sister all the time" and think that you are committing emotional infidelity on your spouse. At times, you could find yourself being more emotionally attracted to your boss because he might listen and sympathize better than your husband. This is an example of emotional infidelity.

One thing about emotional infidelity is that people don't realize is that it is a very gradual process that people go through. You may be hanging out with a person of the opposite sex and you think that you are just becoming friends. That's all fine until you start to rely on that man or woman more than your spouse for emotional support. Another red flag that you are not being emotionally faithful to your spouse is when you start to complain or talk negatively about your spouse to that person.

How to be emotionally faithful

I understand just as much as the next person that spouses can be extremely frustrating! But when I feel that way toward my husband, I tell that to his face and not my best friend Cody. Talking about your frustrations with your spouse can be downright upsetting and hard to do. But that's what comes with the territory of being married, you get to talk about things with each other that are going to be hard, and most likely hurt each other's feelings.

When you find your thoughts and emotions drifting away from your spouse, start remembering the good things. You need to remember that your spouse is there for you emotionally and will support you to the best of his or her abilities. They might not get it right every time, but take the time to recognize that they are trying.

Redirect your mind toward your spouse in a positive, loving way so you don't allow yourself to drift into something that will end up with you wanting to be with someone else. If this doesn't work for you, then it's time for you and your spouse to seek some professional help. I say that to you because once you become emotionally detached from your spouse, you might find yourself committing adultery.

Physical infidelity

Physical infidelity (adultery) is one of the most blatant forms of infidelity. If you enter adultery on dictionary.com the definition says "voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse." But even with this clear of a definition people think that undressing an attractive individual with their eyes, indulging in sexual fantasies with someone famous mentally, or even having online affairs is physical infidelity.

Adultery has become so rampant, that in 2010 an ethnicity study was conducted on both males and females to show the world that there is a problem.

How can you prevent physical infidelity?

Let's talk about how you can prevent yourself from physical infidelity. Can you recognize the difference between lust and love? Do you know that your body and your mind will be battling each other all the time over physical infidelity?

What you need to realize is that your body will have some type of reaction when you see, smell or hear something that is attractive to you. It's your body, you can't help that. But what you can control is your mind. Start to train yourself to recognize when you are lusting, or having inappropriate thoughts about someone who is not your spouse.

When you feel yourself starting to think about that very attractive sales clerk helping you find something in the store, stop yourself immediately. Say to yourself, "OK, what I'm feeling right now is lust. This is inappropriate." Then fill your mind with a minimum of five different qualities about your spouse that you love about him or her. Those five things can be anything, physical, emotional or even something that he or she did that morning that was hilarious.

If all else fails, and you find yourself having a hard time with redirecting your thoughts/emotions away from people that aren't your spouse, go seek professional help immediately.

The post Happy together! Staying faithful to your spouse appeared first on FamilyToday.

Options and choosing

What you must remember is that your teen is becoming an adult, therefore it's your job to help her make the transition. One way that you can help them make this transition is to start letting them choose what will happen to them if they do not follow the rules.

Give your teen options and a chance to choose what he wants to do. When you do this it allows your teen to feel like he has a little bit more say or freedom in his live. Yet it allows you, as the parent, to still maintain control of the situation. The catch is that when you give your teen options you must also give very clear rules and consequences with those choices.

Set clear rules and consequences

Give your teen two choices that very clearly state what she can or cannot do. Teachers use this method all the time in what's called classroom management. Here's an example that can be found constantly in classrooms, "You can put your cell phone away right now or I will put it on my desk where you can pick it up at the end of school." The teacher allows the student to choose what will happen to their cell phone. It's respectful, gives some power to the student, allows the teacher to maintain control of the situation, all while allowing the student to feel in charge.

So with your teen and, let's say, curfew you could say something like, "Zack, you can either come home tonight at 10 p.m. after you have shown me that you are done with your school project or you can stay home tonight, finish your school project and wash the dog." Remember, consequences don't always have to be negative they can be positive.

No gray lines

When you set the choices and consequences with your teen, make sure there are no gray areas when it comes to what will happen - positive or negative. Teens are notorious for telling their parents that they always change the rules to try and corner them when they are in trouble. If that is your teen, something you might try is literally writing out the choices and consequences and posting them on the fridge (or wall, etc). That way when your teen tries to weasel his way out of a sticky situation, you have it all in writing.

Follow through

Parents, this is extremely important as I am sure you already know. If you want your teen to be responsible, and actually make decisions well, then you must follow through on what you say you will do. My mother would always threaten to throw my brother and me in time out when she caught us fighting. Here's the thing though, it never happened. So when my mom yelled, "I'll put you two in the corner if you don't knock it off!" we laughed. She never followed through, so it just became a joke.

Reward

When your teen follows the rules it's important for you to reward properly. You, as the parent, need to show them that when they respect your wishes you are willing to give them more respect. If you set a curfew for your teen and she follows through, try giving her a reward like adding five to 10 minutes to her original curfew. But if she breaks curfew, go back to the original curfew. You may find yourself changing rewards as fast as the tide changes, but when you reward properly your teen is more open to following the rules.

Being a parent isn't easy and punishing or disciplining isn't fun. But with these few steps you will be able to find a way to effectively punish your teen and help him make the transition into a proper adult.

The post How to discipline your teen appeared first on FamilyToday.

One of the most famous quotes from the book The Art of War says, "So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you can win a hundred battles without a single loss." Just replace the word "enemy" with "your teenager" and you get the point. Understanding parts of your teenager will help you parent in a way that is conducive to both of you.

Be a good listener

Be willing to listen AT ALL TIMES! Notice how the last three words are in all capital letters? It's that important. Your teen is trying to figure out a world that can be difficult and uncomfortable. When they reach out to you it's a big step out of a comfort zone. Flip the roles really quick - how would you feel if you asked someone close to you for help only to be ignored, or have that person react with exasperation, and displeasure? I know personally I would never ask that person for help or advice ever again. Why? I just made myself vulnerable to that person and they shot me down.

When your child comes to you while you're working on the computer, turn off that computer screen and give them your full attention. If you are in the middle of work and can't stop, turn to your child and say something like, "I'm in the middle of this paragraph and want to finish it up before I forget what I'm going to say. Give me five minutes to finish it up?" In that response you are not only showing your child you are willing to listen to them but you are compromising, and being respectful.

Be Consistent

Being consistent applies to everything that you have to do with your teen. Here are just a few topics you should be consistent with:

• Listening

• Keeping a cool head during a topic that might not make you so happy

• Being respectful

• Being loving

• Thanking your child for sharing their feelings or experiences with you

Being consistent helps decrease the chance of your teen feeling like they won't be able to share something with you because they are terrified of not knowing how you will react.

Be Respectful

If you want your teen to respect you, lead by example. This isn't always easy if your teen throws a lot of disrespect your way. If that's case you should try pointing out things they say to you that are disrespectful. Remember your teen didn't come with a handbook, but they didn't get a handbook on how to respect their parents, either.

When you show your teen some respect you are also showing them that you are treating them like an adult. A teen (especially in the late adolescent stage) is trying to become an adult. Thus they want to be treated like one and make decisions like one. As you and I know, that's not fully possible because they are still children. This is when you give your teen some leeway.

Make it Special

Every time I had a horrible day when I was young I knew one thing for sure. If I told my father about it he would take us out for a soda. I remember how when I would tell him how I bad I felt it didn't seem to bother me that much with the sips of soda in between and a father that would just be more than happy to listen. To this very day when I have a downright rotten day I go get myself a big soda and hash it out.

You may not like soda - that's OK; you need to find something you can do with your teen that will make them feel special. Next time your child asks you if you two could talk, why not say, "Sure! But can I ask? Is this a conversation that we should be having over ice cream?" or "Of course we can. But I'm starving! Do you want to talk about this over some (insert favorite food)?" Talking over food and making sure you have a full stomach is a great way to start a conversation with your teen. It helps make sure that you won't overreact or underreact to what your teen is about to share with you.

Listen, be consistent and respectful, and make your teen feel special. It may be rough for a few years, but your teen will remember that you weren't just a great listener - you always made sure that they felt just a little special when they shared things with you.

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