When I came home a few nights ago, my husband told me that while I was gone our son had tried to kill himself by falling off the changing table. My husband had turned around to grab pajamas out of a laundry basket, and the next thing he knew, the baby was on the floor.

Despite the baby being uninjured, my mind instantly kicked into lecture-the-husband mode. After all, his neglect had resulted in what could have been a fatal accident. But then I realized something: this baby was also his child, and he felt terrible about what had happened.

Mothers, do we sometimes forget that our husbands are parents, too?

This article was a wake-up call for me. I realized I had been treating my husband like a babysitter - leaving him with instructions every time he watched our child and expecting him to do everything myway.

So, I've decided to stop. Here is my five-step pledge for letting my husband be the kind of parent he is (since he's just as capable as me) and changing the way things are done in our home.

1. I will let it go

My first step is to let my husband do things his way and not be so bothered by it. Does it really matter if my son is dressed in something other than what I would have put him or if he has toast for breakfast instead of oatmeal? No, it doesn't.

2. I will go out more

My second step is to give my husband more time to bond with his son and learn how to be a dad. I sometimes feel bad when I go out for the evening, or when I run errands on a Saturday because my husband is home alone with the baby. I shouldn't. He's just as much my son's parent as I am, and I shouldn't feel like I'm leaving the baby with a babysitter every time I go out.

3. I won't ask for a full rundown when I return

My third step is to stop asking about what the baby ate or played with or how many times his diaper was changed as soon as I get home. I think it sends the message that I don't trust my husband when I ask him about every detail of went on while I was gone. I only tell him about noteworthy stuff when he gets home, so why should I need to know everything when I come home? If the baby is fine, I don't need to know all the details.

4. I will let my husband make mistakes as he discovers how to parent

My fourth step is to apply the idea that we learn best from experience to my husband's parenting. He can learn for himself what works and what doesn't. My husband now knows from experience that he can't turn his back on the baby when he's on the changing table. And he will learn other things as well.

5. I will celebrate the things that make us different

And finally, I will remember that each mom and dad parent differently. I should be happy that my husband does things differently than I do, because our son and future children will have the opportunity to learn, grow and develop in diverse ways based on those differences in parenting styles.

So that's my pledge. This may be a bit of a change and transition for us, but I'm really going to try. I think all three of us will be better off in the long run. I hope that other mothers will learn from my mistakes and try to let their husbands be their own kind of dads, too.

The post Why I decided to stop treating my husband like a babysitter appeared first on FamilyToday.

Your wedding day - wasn't it wonderful?

You started down a new road with a person you were absolutely in love with. You smiled, looking radiant as you promised to have and to hold, to love and to honor, to cherish your love in both good times and bad ... a lot of beautiful promises that brought happy tears.

But then, after the dancing was over and the cake was eaten, you started your real life together - and now you've realized that those promises (though beautiful) don't exactly cover the reality of marriage.

Maybe it's time to update those marriage vows. Here are 10 things you can promise now that will be a lot more helpful on a day-to-day basis.

1. I will support you in your interests

Your spouse is going to like different things than you do. Try to be supportive. Allow him to pursue other interests.

2. I will hold my tongue when I'm angry

Before you say something you'll regret, really think about why you're angry (could hunger or exhaustion be fueling the fire?). Remember, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

3. I will say I'm sorry, and I will forgive you

Even if you keep your mouth shut when you're angry, you'll still make other mistakes. Ask for and extend forgiveness every time it is needed.

4. I will love you for who you are

Don't make the mistake of thinking you can change your spouse. Love her for the person she is and not for who you hope she will be.

5. I will love myself for who I am

It's also important that you love and take care of yourself. You and your spouse will both be better off if you do.

6. I will keep our marriage private

Don't complain about your spouse to others or in front of other people. Your marital issues should stay within your marriage (unless you're in counseling).

7. I will really listen when you're talking

You're spouse shouldn't have to repeat something to you multiple times before you get the message. Really listen. Don't just think about what you're going to say next.

8. I will not keep score

Marriage is not a competition or a sporting event. You don't win if you do more dishes or change more dirty diapers. You win when you help each other.

9. I will put you before our children

Children are needy, and it's important to meet their needs, but it's even more important to nurture your marriage. It's good for your children when you put your spouse first.

10. I will give you space when you need it

Just because you are supposed to "have and hold" your spouse doesn't mean you have to hold him all the time. Everyone needs some space sometimes. Be aware of and sensitive to how much time your spouse needs to himself.

Sure, these vows may not be as romantic and touching as the ones you made at the altar, but for better or worse, these promises (and others you'll come up with) will help your marriage make it all the way until death do you part.

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Infertility - the inability to have a child or more children despite how desperately you may want to. Yeah, it pretty much stinks. All you and your spouse want to do is bring a child into your home and share your love with him or her. Then month after month after month, you're disappointed over and over again. Some couples go through this for years and years. It's the kind of struggle that can make or break a marriage.

So how do you make sure your marriage is strengthened and stays strong through this challenge? Here are some ideas that come from my own experience with infertility, and from suggestions I have received from other infertile couples.

Put your spouse before your children

One piece of common marriage advice is that you should always put your spouse before your children. Why should your future or hoped for children be any different? If all you ever focus on is the next step in trying to have children, then your relationship with your spouse is going to suffer. It's important to remember that you are in this together. As in other trials, you will need each other's support through the ups and downs.

Be honest with each other

It's important to stay open with each other as you endure this trial. Tell each other how you feel and what you think about your options for trying to build your family. Women are often better at expressing feelings, but husbands also have strong feelings about not being able to have children; so make sure you both express how you are doing. It's also really important that you are on the same page as you decide what your next step is (more treatments, adoption, living child-free, etc.) and that you honestly discuss the financial aspects as well. Failing to be honest about what you really think, even if you don't agree with each other, will only make one of you resentful when the decision made is not what you wanted.

Talk about something else sometimes

You don't have to talk about your infertility in every conversation you have. If that's all you ever talk about, you're going to lose your connection to each other pretty quickly. You didn't get married just to have children, so that shouldn't be what your relationship is all about. Refocus on your relationship by having time set apart when you agree not to talk about your infertility and focus instead on why you love each other. It could be one day a month, a weekly date night, a weeklong vacation or whatever you want. Do things that you love to do together, and give yourselves a break from the stress of trying to conceive.

Have sex just for fun

Nothing makes intimacy as unexciting and stressful as only ever doing it because you're trying to get pregnant. Have sex sometimes just to be with each other — not just because the timing is right to make a baby. Just relax and enjoy one another's company. Sex is not only for making children; it brings you and your spouse closer together and is a way to show love for each other. Other forms of intimacy, such as hand holding, are important in keeping your relationship strong as well.

Remember that it's no one's fault

One question infertile couples get asked a lot is, "Whose fault is it?" People want to know if your infertility is a male or female factor. But the reality is that it's not anyone's fault! Infertility is essentially a medical problem, and there's really no sense in blaming your partner for something that he or she can't control. On the flip side, there's also no sense in blaming yourself. Make sure you both know that no matter what, it's your issue together and that you are going to support each other at all times. Also remember that this is hard for both of you, even if you are the one bearing the brunt of most medical procedures. Be supportive of each other, no matter which position you may be in.

Allow infertility to bring you together

Have you ever noticed that in a lot of books and movies, couples get together after going through a stressful experience together? The same thing can happen in real life. Going through infertility is definitely stressful, but it can teach you a lot about each other and help you bond. Crying together, celebrating even small victories, attending doctor's visits together, fundraising, talking about your hopes and worries and many other things can help you become closer to one another.

Get counseling if you need it

And finally, if you find that your battle with infertility is really affecting your marriage, don't be afraid to get counseling. It's better to get help with your relationship than to let this struggle become a wedge and break up your marriage. There are counselors who are specially trained for helping infertile couples, and even if there aren't any in your area, a regular marriage counselor can help when needed.

When going through these difficult times, it's hard not to linger on what you don't have, but try to remember that your marriage is more important than your lack of children. You're in this together, and that's how you should stay.

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If you've spent any time around children, you know they think they can do anything. As adults, we lose that enthusiasm and confidence and forget what children can accomplish with their can-do attitudes. But the truth is that some of their accomplishments put us adults to shame.

It doesn't always take a lifetime to achieve something great. Throughout history, young people have made notable discoveries, excelled in the arts, and wowed us with their intelligence. And they are still doing it today. Here are seven kids who have done some pretty awesome things before most of us were old enough to drive (or even tie our shoes!)

Diego Suarez - Archaeologist

How many people can boast that they have a dinosaur named after them? Diego Suarez can! When he was 7 years old, this boy from Chile found the first fossils of a newly discovered dinosaur while on an archeological dig with his family. Diego, now 18, can tell all his friends about the Chilesaurus diegosuarezi. And to think all we ever dug up were old toys in the playground sandbox.

Aelita Andre - Painter

Imagine you're at an art gallery reading the description of a painting when you discover the artist was only 2 when she painted it. Aelita Andre is an amazing little artist from Australia, who started having her paintings shown in galleries at the age of 2. Now that she's 7, Aelita has been compared to great painters like Picasso, and her artwork is on display and in demand all over the world. Sure beats those kindergarten stick-figure drawings we were doing at that age.

Tristan Pang - Mathematician

Most of us have a hard enough time with high school math, but Tristan Pang was doing it when he was 2 years old. At age 9, he had the highest score in the United Kingdom on a qualifying math exam normally taken by high school students. At age 11, he became one of the youngest people to deliver a TED talk. Then at 12, he decided he wanted to help others and launched Tristan's Learning Hub, a website that provides math, science and English lessons. Now at 13, he's in his second year at the University of Auckland. Who knows what he'll accomplish next!

Cleopatra Stratan - Singer

Many young girls may dream of becoming music stars, but one little girl got that fame at the ripe young age of 3. Cleopatra Stratan, of Moldova, was in a recording studio with her father when she grabbed the microphone and started singing. Soon after, she recorded her own successful music album. One of those songs even became a No. 1 hit in the country of Romania. Now at age 12, she has released four full-length albums and her music videos have millions of views on YouTube. And here most of us adults are still just singing to ourselves in the shower.

Kathryn Gray - Astronomer

In January 2011, Kathryn Gray was looking at photos of the night sky when she noticed a difference between two images taken of the same location. It turned out the difference she saw was a supernova, the explosion of a large star. At the age of 10, this made Kathryn the youngest person to discover a supernova. Two years later, her brother Nathan Gray also helped discover a supernova just after his 10th birthday. Now that's one bright family!

Onafujiri Remet - Photographer

While most toddlers are taking selfies with their parents' phones, Onafujiri Remet is out taking photos of life in Nigeria. This little photographer had his street photography featured in an exhibit in 2013 when he was only 3 years old. Fuji, as he is known by his family, says he wants to be a professional photographer, and it sounds like he is well on his way already. Since most of use probably don't even know what half the buttons on our cameras do, this little guy is pretty impressive.

Ayan Qureshi - Computer Specialist

They say that young people pick up technology pretty quickly, but how about a six-year-old who's certified to install and configure a Windows Operating System? Ayan Qureshi, who lives in England, became the youngest certified computer specialist when he passed a Microsoft certification exam a month before his sixth birthday. That's a test normally taken by IT professionals in college. Most of us adults are lucky if we can start our computers, let alone install our own operating systems.

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Two weeks after my son was born, I found out he was losing weight and that it was because I wasn't producing enough milk. I was devastated when my pediatrician told me I would need to start supplementing so my son could gain weight. How could this be? I'd done everything right and I had been holding on through excruciating pain because I knew how important it was! The doctor told me I shouldn't be so hard on myself and that if I wanted, I could see a lactation specialist for help.

After a couple visits with the specialist I was only able to increase my supply a small amount and my son never got good at latching or transferring milk. So I ended up pumping every drop of milk I had and supplementing the rest — not exactly the wonderful breastfeeding relationship I had envisioned.

It was hard for me to get over the fact that I couldn't breastfeed, and I mourned that relationship for a long time. But I know there are a lot of other women out there who are unable to breastfeed for one reason or another, even though they may want to. For those moms, I want to share a few things I learned.

1. Not being able to breastfeed doesn't make you a failure

I remember crying in my car after leaving the pediatrician's office because I didn't want to feel like I hadn't given that 95 percent. I wanted to be the best mom possible, and I felt like an absolute failure because my body couldn't give my baby what he needed. Now I realize that the other things I gave my son, like love and attention, were just as important. And even though he only breastfed for a short time, he's just as attached to his mommy as any child I've seen. As long as you are taking care of your baby, you are not failing!

2. Supplementing can be a wonderful thing

I know you've probably heard all sorts of bad things about formula, but I can't tell you how grateful I am that I live in a time when it's available. It saves babies lives! Because of everything I'd heard, I really didn't want to give my baby formula. But you know what? A couple weeks after we started supplementing, my son looked so much healthier and was gaining weight. Giving him formula at that time was the best thing for him. It was my pride that was getting in the way of him being healthy. Don't feel bad if you have to give your baby formula, whether it's because you don't make enough milk, your baby has allergies or whatever the problem may be. The important thing is that your baby is getting the nutrition he or she needs.

3. Don't worry about people judging you

I remember the first time I pulled out a bottle in public and thought that everyone around me must be judging me for not breastfeeding my baby. But I later learned that most people don't really care how you feed your baby, and probably don't even notice. There will be some who notice or judge, or try to tell you what you should be doing, but they aren't worth your time — you know what is best for your own baby. Surround yourself with supportive people. Share your story if you feel comfortable, and you'll be surprised at the support you receive from other moms (and even dads). And when you do get stares, just remember that they're all looking to see how cute your baby is!

4. This too shall pass

I thought not being able to breastfeed was such a tragedy in my life. Then my son started getting older, and now it's not even a part of his life anymore. He's off to his next big adventure as a toddler, and we don't even think about breastfeeding anymore. What may seem like your whole world right now will be over before you know it.

5. Enjoy your baby

Speaking of short times, you don't want to miss out on your baby. I realized after a while that I was spending so much time worried about what I was putting in my baby's belly that I wasn't enjoying the beautiful creation I had in front of me. Babies grow up so fast, and the real tragedy is missing out on moments because you're so worried about breastfeeding. Though it is sometimes hard, try to relax and just enjoy the time you have together.

The post To the mother who can’t breastfeed appeared first on FamilyToday.

Have you ever told your children they shouldn't talk to strangers? How about going somewhere with someone they don't know? Do you think they would follow your advice? YouTuber Joey Salads decided to put this theory to the test in a video that he calls a social experiment.

In the video, Joey, with a puppy in tow, approaches a few moms in a park and asks them if they think their child would talk to a stranger. He then puts what they say to the test by approaching each child with his dog and talking to him or her. All three of the children shown in the video gladly walk off with Joey after he shows them his dog and asks if they want to see more puppies.

It's kind of a shocking video because none of the moms are expecting their child to walk off with a stranger. At the end of the video, Joey mentions that 700 kids a day are abducted and asks if your children are safe. Well, are they?

First, it's important to note that according to the Center for Missing and Exploited Children, only 115 children a year in the United States are victims of kidnappings by a stranger (the rest are from people they know like a parent who doesn't have custody). We also don't know how many children this man talked to who didn't go with him or how many of the children saw the man talking to their moms and thought he was ok. These children were also pretty safe since mom was watching and the children weren't alone.

But the reality is that there are people out there who may want to harm your children, so how to you protect your children without scaring them? Here are five things to consider while teaching your children about strangers.

Not all strangers are bad

Most people don't want to kidnap your children. In fact, most people would probably want to help a child in need. Teaching children that they should be afraid of all strangers may make them afraid to ask for help when they need it. It's important to teach your children what a stranger is and what types of strangers are safe to talk to if they need help (like police officers, teachers, a store clerk or another mom).

Don't go with a stranger

If all you teach your children is to never talk to strangers, they will most likely break that rule, since they are surrounded by strangers every day. What you're probably really concerned about is your child going with or being harmed by a stranger. So teach your child about what the fear really is. Consider teaching your children that it's ok to talk to some strangers, but it's not ok for strangers to ask them for help, touch them or take them somewhere without a parent's permission.

Practice helps remove fear

It's likely that if all you do is lecture, your children won't remember the rules when they need them. To reinforce what you've taught, you can role-play scenarios that might actually happen. Talk about what your children should do in specific scenarios and then practice those scenarios with your children. You can find a list of ideas from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

Don't ignore online strangers

One of the biggest ways children are in danger is from online predators. In fact, letting your children roam the Internet unsupervised can be more dangerous than letting them roam the park alone. It's important to teach your children how to be safe online and to follow those same safety rules yourself. You can learn more and find resources for teaching your children about online safety at netsmartz.org.

Safety with everyone

Remember that a stranger is not the only one who may harm your children. The vast majority of crimes committed against children are by people they know. The important thing is that your children learn that it's not ok for people to do anything without their consent or without their parents knowing about it.

_For more ideas and resources on teaching your children to be safe with strangers and people they know, visit kidpower.org or the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

The post Would your child walk off with this stranger? 5 tips for teaching children about strangers appeared first on FamilyToday.

Mother's Day and I don't get along. From the years of longing to be a mother, going through infertility, and then losing my own mother shortly after finally becoming a mom myself, I have ample reason to dislike this holiday. And I know I'm not alone. There are plenty of women who spend this day crying or wishing they could just block it out until it's over.

You probably clicked on this article because you either share some of the same feelings, or you love Mother's Day and want to know why some people hate it. Either way, since I've got you, let's talk about some of the reasons you (or someone you know) may not enjoy celebrating Mother's Day or may downright despise it.

1. You may desperately want to be a mother but for one reason or another you don't have children.

2. Maybe you've lost your own mother (or a grandmother), and you don't want to be reminded that you don't get to call, visit, or send a card

3. Perhaps you have lost a child, and even if you have other children, Mother's Day is a painful reminder about the one who used to call you "mom."

4. It may be that you don't have a good relationship with your mother.

5. You may be a single mother who knows you're not going to get any sort of break on Mother's Day anyway.

6. Maybe you have a child or children who have gone astray, and you won't be getting a call, a visit, or a card.

7. Perhaps you are a mother who feels like a failure and doesn't want anyone to celebrate you.

8. You might be the kind of person who doesn't like being forced into showing affection just because a holiday tells you to.

9. You may be a woman who has no desire to be a mother and this holiday is just another chance for everyone to bug you about it.

10. Or maybe you are a perfectly happy mother, but you don't like the way that Mother's Day can be painful to others.

I'm sure there are more, but that's hopefully enough reasons to help you realize that there are a lot of women out there with these feelings. And guess what? There's nothing wrong with disliking Mother's Day. I'm here to tell you that it's fine to hate this holiday if you want to. But if there's something you want to do about those feelings, here are a couple of ideas.

Ignore it until it goes away

No matter what the world tries to tell you, you don't have to celebrate Mother's Day. If you don't want to be reminded then stay off the Internet; turn off your phone, your TV, and your radio; don't go visit anyone; or don't even leave your house if you don't want to. It's only one day and tomorrow it won't be Mother's Day anymore. Ok, it might last for a few days before and after, but you get the picture. Spend your time doing something you really want to do instead of being unhappy.

Forget about yourself and serve

You've probably heard before that a great way to make yourself feel better is to look outside yourself and serve someone else. This Mother's Day, go find someone whose day you can brighten. For example, if you don't have a mother to visit, go visit a mother who doesn't get visitors. If you don't have children, go help a single mother so she can have a break. And the list could go on. Even if you don't want to think about Mother's Day at all, you can do service that is totally non-mom related. It's amazing how quickly you can forget about yourself when you focus on another.

Commiserate with others

Or if you don't want to forget your pain, you can do the complete opposite. You now know there are tons of other women (and men) who don't like Mother's Day. Get together and have a pity party. Talk about why you don't like it and listen to other people's stories. There's nothing wrong with sharing your feelings and commiserating together. Just make sure you don't throw your party in the middle of people who are trying to enjoy the holiday. They deserve to be happy too!

And for that person who loves Mother's Day

If you feel like celebrating, then please do. Call you mom, send her a card, let your kids pamper you and give you gifts. Don't let us stop you from being happy! But please don't look down on the person who has decided not she doesn't like Mother's Day or who would prefer to ignore it. And don't blame us for not wanting to celebrate with you. We have a good reason.

The post 10 reasons why not everyone likes Mother’s Day appeared first on FamilyToday.