Dear Parents (especially of young children),

I know that sometimes it's hard knowing if what you are doing each day as a mother or father bears fruit. If what you do is important work? Because motherhood and fatherhood are not generally a measurable job. We don't get bonuses for hitting that 8 p.m. bedtime consistently for a week. There isn't a supervisor always present to tell us if our disciplining tactics are the best to use. And we're on call at night, don't get sick days, and can't clock out for a 15-minute break just to refresh when we need it. Plus, we never really get paid, but instead seem to have money constantly being sucked from us in the form of diapers, wipes, clothes, shoes, and mounds of food.

But, I want to let you and every parent out there know that you are indeed doing a very important work.

You are doing good in the world today.

Because charity and love begin at home.

Each and every day you are acting as a disciple of Jesus Christ as you mother and care for your children. Each and every day you are building up the Kingdom of God. Every time you change a diaper, wipe a nose, or feed your child, you are ministering to one of God's children.

"For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?

And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." (Matt 25:25-40)

Moms, Dads, are you not doing these things every single day?

Every day you feed your hungry child; you provide them with water to drink; take them into your arms and make them feel loved and not like a stranger; you dress them or provide them with clothes; you nurse them back to health when they are sick; and when they are in trouble, you still go to them and love them?

And if a child isn't considered the "least of these my brethren" I'm not sure who is!

You are doing good in the world today.

And no matter how small it may seem, what you do each and every day is not just work, but service to the most High God.

I know it is hard at times and in certain seasons to not tire of our situation or current parenting challenges, hard to not weary in our well doing for our children, but have faith and remember that you are helping people live, small, meek people who happen to look a lot like you. People who are the future of our world. You are not failing.

God knows each and every work you do on behalf of your children, His children.

We are the Lord's hands on the earth today. And He is dependent upon each of us. And each person who is blessed to be a parent gets unlimited possibilities to not just think about helping someone else, but to have it be a daily part of your life. We can be well-meaning in wanting to help others outside our homes, but never diminish yourself and your role within it. I would dare say it is more important than helping and serving others outside of it. Your day-to-day living is full of endless possibilities to serve another. And if you bring your child unto Christ, and save his soul, how great shall be your joy!

High-quality family life begets a greater society, great individuals, stronger communities, and faithful families.

So, please, let your love, charity, and good begin at home and spread to many others through your example.

I bet you already are.

Congrats on doing good in the world today.

The post Dear parents, you are doing good in the world appeared first on FamilyToday.

It is so common place to meet stressed out moms, whether a stay-at-home mom, working mom or single mom. Moms are stressed today! And many moms need a break, some mommy me time, mommy quiet time, mommy alone time.

I'd bet you've heard a mom say things like "I need a break!" or "I need a night to recharge," or "I just need a night out"? Perhaps it came from your own mouth! The general sentiment behind such things is that moms get stressed out carrying the load of their family and homes on their shoulders and need to escape from that load with something, well, less stressful than screaming, fighting, moody, destructive little people, who may or may not be able to communicate properly. Moms do need a break from time to time, partially because we just crave silence, a moment to ourselves, as well as desire a sense of identity outside of "mom." It's why moms love bathroom breaks, nap time, bed time, showers and girls night outs, especially for those stressed out stay-at-home moms. I am no exception!

And many people agree that when mom gets a break from her daily stresses and recharges, she is better able to care for her family. She is happier. She is emotionally more balanced. Because if you are running on empty, how are you supposed to care for anyone else?

Moms need a break

I do believe moms need a break, but what type of break? And what is motivating its need?

Most mom escapes appear in the form of blogging, social media, girls nights out, book clubs, exercise classes, books, manicures, pedicures, salon visits, massages, TV, movies or shopping sprees. Regardless of what your "escape" of choice is, it is an escape, and some day, some hour, you have to come back to your real life.

And even though many of these escapes - exercising, dieting, developing talents, socializing, getting more sleep, or showering and dressing each day - can help you feel better emotionally or physically, they don't necessarily equate to better mothering. Sure, you can be more patient after a weekend away, ready to tackle another day after a full night's sleep and more attractive after attending to your personal hygiene and appearance, but ultimately life will happen again. The unexpected occurs, again. Another end-of-the-world tantrum erupts from your child, again. Then what will you do? Will you again feel the pulls of needing to get away? Will you again be overwhelmed by your life?

Because here's the truth - All the time away in the world won't make a lick of a difference in your real, everyday life because you at your core aren't different.

Because, these "moms nights out" are a temporary fix for one's happiness. It doesn't matter how many nights you get a break, they won't inherently make you a better mother.

Reevaluate your Mommy Me Time

Moms. I get it. We really do need a break and a recharge. Moms do need to take care of themselves too. But, may I suggest something?

I recommend that you reevaluate your mommy me time - the time you are spending away. What is its purpose? How is it helping you be a better person? A better mother? A better wife? Or are they just making you look like a better person, wife or mom?

Are your mom escapes making it harder to enjoy your real life? Are they pulling you further away from your home, your family?

Honestly, I'm guilty of being a selfish mother sometimes. I want that moms retreat, that escape, for completely selfish reasons. And I realize that it is not OK.

Is your Mommy Me Time restful?

Ironically, as I evaluate my alone time during my days as a stay-at-home mom, I see that I am filling it with noise, with distractions, with lots of multitasking. My alone time is usually not indeed restful!

Because, often when nap time happens, I jump on my computer to work on the blog, but get distracted by about 15 different somethings - articles friends shared on Facebook, emails, blog comments, stats, Pinterest, Twitter and my newsfeed. My mommy alone time gets filled up with bleeps, sounds, alarms and other things clamoring for my attention. My break from being a "stressed out stay-at-home mom" still contains stress as I multitask, answer emails, jump from one pin to the next, one friend's update to yet another, complete errands, look up information and pay bills. Social media and the Internet can make me feel anything but social and happy. Often it gives me about 15 other people and problems to stress and worry about.

My brain didn't get time to shut down, to recharge, to get that break I thought I was having! I got distracted during my precious, quiet, me time, that I felt even more overwhelmed by the end of my "me time" when my three children are again begging for my attention, again overwhelming and stressing me out. And so then I'm not patient with my children when they start clamoring for me to do five different things at the same time. I'm not as focused or recharged as I thought I should be given the fact that I just had a three hour break from answering "What?" to the dozen "Mom!"'s I heard that morning. And in the midst of it all I do feel disconnected from myself, my person, my identity past "mother."

It's no wonder why I feel like I still need yet another session of "mommy me time:" it didn't recharge me or truly give me that break I needed.

And I should know better than to go down this path, because I know the importance of silence in a multimedia, multitasking world.

But, sometimes the best thing about having a blog is going back and reading your own advice, learning from your own past mistakes, reminding yourself that for at least a brief moment you had things figured out.

Moms need a break to recharge their hearts, spirits and minds

I recently started reading the book Women Living Well: Find Your Joy in God, Your Man, Your Kids, and Your Home and am absolutely loving it and feel like it is exactly the kick in the pants that I needed to get my priorities back in order. It became clear to me that the type of "Mommy me time" I need is quiet, devotion, something that feeds the soul. Something that does stand to make me a better mother, not just distract me, give me an escape, from my life as a stay-at-home mom.

It was humbling to read about the author's amazing passion for scriptures, for prayer, for private devotion, because I have such need for improvement in those areas of my life. I've been slacking, being disengaged in true discipleship and hunger for God and His word.

It made me reflect on the time in my life when my quiet time as a mom was occupied by reading books, by doing Genealogy research, by service, by caring more for other people,including my children. And I miss that high-quality, quiet, reflective time, when I had better balance to things.

So, forgive me. I'm not perfect and I often repeat my own sins over and over. I forget to truly embrace the changes I've made in the past to make them habits for eternity. Discipline is one of the hardest things to master as human beings. And I am lacking a lot of discipline in my life right now to not let myself be in front of my computer to "blog." I've been giving 100 percent of my devotion to my new business blog endeavor at the expense of my family, myself, and my God. My husband feels disrespected, my children feel neglected. And I feel confused. I'm confused as to what I'm supposed to be doing.

This work-at-home mom deal (I guess I should maybe consider myself that since I spend 30+ hours doing this every week despite the very part-time paycheck) is difficult. It's hard. Because my computer, my work, my passion calls and beckons to me every day. And I love it. But, shouldn't my God, husband and children's beckoning be more important? Shouldn't I be more passionate about them, then a temporal, temporary, aspect of my life? Shouldn't I love working with them, for them, and about them? Shouldn't I be more concerned about the quality of the time I spend with them than my other endeavors?

Yes. Absolutely, yes.

I believe that moms need a break. I believe, though, that us stressed-out, stay-at-home moms (as well as single and working mothers) need to reevaluate our mommy me time, need to reevaluate the purpose and intent of these escapes, and to start devoting serious time on our knees praying for a changed heart, attitude and perspective, that we may no longer see our children, husbands, family, and homes as burdens, as enormous stressors, which we must get away from. Perhaps if in the times we aren't busy mothering or caring for our homes, we truly disengaged from stress, from mind-numbing TV programs, from endless updates online, from trying to fit in more in less time, and stopped and slowed down to pray and devote time to God and to personal development, we would be better mothers, better wives, better Christians, better women, better individuals.

When you dedicate your life to the service of your children, your spouse, your home, and most importantly your God, you as a person will change into the extraordinary individual you always wanted to be.

The post Why do moms need a break? appeared first on FamilyToday.

It's true: being a parent is exhausting work. This is especially true in the first few years of a child's life when they are physically very demanding and needy. They need help doing lots of things - going potty, getting dressed, eating food, making sandwiches, putting on shoes and bathing, just to name a few. And sometimes as parents we get tired of our children not being able to do more things by themselves. We are annoyed that we have to help them get dressed, even though they are physically capable. We are tired of making them food, pouring drinks and wiping hands. And I've been thinking: while teaching children independence and life skills is one of our prime goals and obligations as parents, are we too focused on teaching them to do it themselves, that we are inadvertently teaching them we shouldn't help others?

Are we weary in well doing for our children?

Sometimes I think it is easy for Christians to read scriptures and apply the messages of charity and love to strangers, to neighbors, to friends and to unbelievers, rather than to those within our own homes. It's partly because we all want to be missionaries and be good examples to others. But, if we can't even be nice to our children, if we can't treat them with respect, kindness, love, mercy, forgiveness or understanding, as we care for them each day, how are we supposed to help others fully come unto Jesus Christ? Galatians 6:9-10 (King James Version) says (emphasis mine):

"And let us not be weary in well doing; for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith."

If we can't bear our children's burdens, who are of our household, and are weary in well doing for them, we aren't doing good unto all men. And doing service to others outside of our homes could be seen as very hypocritical. As a previous president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has said, "The most important work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes." And I sincerely believe that is true. And that is why I am bothered my behavior of late ...

I'm the parent!

My husband and I are guilty of playing "The Parent" card far too often lately. We are horrible about it at times. We just want our kids to obey us. We just want them to do what we've asked them to do, when we've asked them to do it (now!); and if they don't, we get mad, and yell and punish. We think about the commandment "Thou shalt obey thy parents" and think that this means we can be a tyrant in our own homes, the boss, and use the phrase "Because I'm the Mom [or Dad] and I said so!"

When my 3-year-old daughters are playing, I often hear them repeat phrases that I sometimes say to them "Get out of my way!" "Leave me alone!" "Give me a minute" "Hold on" or "Not right now; I'm busy."

I don't know why it is so hard to willingly and cheerfully serve my children, why I do an eye roll or sigh (often both together) when they ask for a drink of water right after I sat down; or ask me to read a book when I'm trying to read my own; or when they want to play a game but I don't; or when they ask for other forms of help.

I think for a long time I thought I was teaching my children that Mommy is a person too, that they sometimes just have to wait, that they aren't the center of the universe, that I am not their slave or servant, and that there are certain times for certain things, and some needs trump others. After all there is a time and a season to every purpose under heaven (Ecclesiastics 3). And while I have found that teaching my children delayed gratification has been a major blessing in a lot of ways, it doesn't excuse my otherwise annoyed attitude toward my children's requests of me.

If another person was treating me the way I sometimes treat my children, I don't think I would like them very much.

And that's a crappy feeling.

I don't want to raise children who don't want to help. I don't want children who think service is work, a chore, a check off the to-do list. I don't want children who are selfish.

Essentially, I don't want my children following my poor example of late.

I like to keep things honest here at What's up Fagans? so I'll admit to you that I don't have all the answers. I am not perfect. And I certainly don't always follow my Savior's example. I fail. But, I continue to change. It's this constant reevaluation of myself, my life, my spirituality, that helps refine me into the person God does want me to be. So, no, I am not godly all the time. Sometimes I do the wrong things. Sometimes I come on too strong, say the wrong things (there is very little filter between my head and my mouth far too often), or let my emotions win out. I'm human.

But, that's no excuse. I need to be better for myself, for my husband, for my children, and definitely for my God. He's trusted me with them. He's expecting great things from me and from them. I don't want to be tearing them down, hurting their self-esteem, hindering their growth, limiting their eternal progression by my poor choices. I want more for all of us.

And that "us" includes my readers. I hope this post may help you and I both remember that we should not be weary in well doing for our children or our husbands. They are the people we should serve the most. They are the people we want to be with for eternity, and we want it to be a happy, enjoyable eternity.

So tell me:

How do you not weary in well doing for your children despite the demanding, repetitive and exhausting nature of raising children? I need to know!

The post Are we weary in well doing for our children? appeared first on FamilyToday.

Imagine this: Your child sneaks upstairs to play with his toys in the sink, which he has promptly filled to max capacity with water, and dumped his entire, brand new, bottle of shampoo in it to make bubbles. And now the toilet paper roll is completely wet and utterly useless for any and all future uses, and that water is all over the counter, the child's clothes and the floor.

Now imagine that when your guilty child sees you coming, he tries to run away and then he slips on the wet floor and starts to cry?

What is your reaction?

Do you pick them up and comfort them? Or do you yell or lecture as you pull them off the floor? Which do you do first?

I try really hard to be a great mom, but I really stink at it sometimes. Sometimes I just can't forgive my child; I can't let it go (thank you Frozen for the perfect song for so many of life's situations), at least initially. I hold onto my child's misdeeds, sometimes because I'm cleaning up from said misdeed for several minutes or even hours. How can I forget what my lovely child did that caused me unnecessary and completely avoidable extra work? Didn't she know we were on a tight schedule?

No. Of course not. My child didn't know and it shouldn't even matter that much if she did. Children make messes. They destroy pretty much everything, even nice, expensive things that you bought especially for them. They leave a trail of toys everywhere and rarely clean up without being told to do so over and over again.

But, just as you ask your child to say sorry, you also need to forgive your child, and part of forgiving is forgetting and moving on.

So, dole out your child's punishment or consequence, and then move on. Don't keep punishing, don't keep reminding them about their previous error. Don't rub it in or tell them "I told you so."

Forgive your child and MOVE ON!

The truth is that we are all weak. We all make mistakes. We all say things we don't mean, do things we aren't supposed to do. We all waste time, break promises, forget and screw up. We don't meet everyone's expectations, including our own. We are human.

But, despite our frailties, we somehow still like ourselves. We somehow still think rather highly of our time, of our needs or of our wants and desires. Yet, we seem to be less forgiving of other's weaknesses. We seem to think that others need to meet our demands and our desires of them and in our time frame. But, that's completely unfair.

And it's completely unfair when we do so to our innocent, young children.

No one, no matter what age, likes to be reminded of how they screwed up. Of how they made a poor choice or mistake. And they especially don't want to be punished endlessly for it, humiliated in front of others for it or have it rubbed into their face.

I don't. My husband doesn't. And my children certainly don't either.

Of course, we still all need to face up to the consequences of our actions, whether we want to or not. And our children need to as well at a certain point and age.

But, are they really that bad?

Honestly, most of our child's day-to-day interactions and mistakes aren't the end of the world. Most of them can easily be swept up, brushed aside, laughed off, corrected and ultimately forgiven.

And I feel like garbage when I scream and yell at my child, especially when I take a moment and reflect back on what actually happened.

At this age, it's not like my daughters are in serious trouble with the law or bad friends or drugs or poor grades. At 4 years old my daughters are getting in trouble mostly for being 4, for being inherently curious. For wanting to break the rules a little in order to see and figure things out for themselves, in order to feel more like a grown-up. At 4 years old my kids get in trouble for making messes, having bad attitudes, not cleaning up after themselves or for being rude.

And you know what I do every day? Make messes, don't clean up after myself, have a bad attitude and am rude. Yet, I allow myself a large amount of grace and forgiveness. But my dear children? No way! I must correct them and train them and corral and mold them into perfect human beings! They can't be allowed to err! They must know of their mistake, clearly and loudly, from me, the bossy mom, from me, the one they look up to as a role model, as a nurturer, as a supporter, as someone who loves them ...

Grace

Afford your child the same grace, forgiveness and love that you show yourself, that God graciously offers you. Don't hammer home their minor misdeed. Don't shout and rage about their simple, honest mistake. Think about how you would feel in their shoes for a similar offense. I would probably not like myself very much some days.

So, how do you balance the discipline? How do you check your authority with your love?

Forgiveness

Forgive your child and move on. Show them Grace.

If your child can't make a mistake at home without fear of derailment, then how are they going to handle bigger mistakes? How are they going to handle errors when someone else is doling out consequences, someone who doesn't love them like you do?

So forgive them! Laugh it off. Help them take care of their foible. Encourage them to try harder next time. Teach them appropriate responses to the situation in question. Guide them to the right choices.

Don't yell. Don't scream. Don't condemn. Don't name call. Don't belittle. Don't abase. Don't lessen. Don't hold it against them for hours or days or years.

Forgive them and then teach them, in a calm manner, that we all make mistakes. We all err. We all sin. And we can all be forgiven through repentance because of our Savior Jesus Christ. We can all do better thanks to His grace, His mercy and His love. And tell them that you forgive them. Help them learn appropriate choices and responses. And then forget the incident and move on, positively, the rest of the day.

Give your child grace, mercy and love, just like Jesus does to you. Every day.

Do you have a problem with staying mad at your children for longer than is really necessary?

The post Forgive your child and extend them grace appeared first on FamilyToday.

As our children grow, we are often amazed at all the new and amazing things they do - the first babble, the first smile, the first roll, the first laugh, the first crawl, the first steps. Even funny things, like the first time your child burps is awesome! But, some things get old real quick, like your baby taking off diapers and smearing poop all over their crib and bedroom. Once is quite enough of this first! But, lucky me, I had twins who both took of their diapers, and now my son is doing it too! Consider the following advice from someone who is a pro at knowing how to prevent children from taking their diaper off!

My daughter Lisa - The Diaper Houdini

It was at about 13 months old that my little Lisa discovered that she could remove those Velcro tabs on her disposable diaper (note: this might be a great reason to use cloth - I hear they aren't as easy for little ones to remove themselves). While we were slightly impressed (look at those fine motor skills!), we didn't want it happening again. I didn't want to clean up the mess that resulted from this new skill very often! So, we just made sure she always had pants on.

Problem solved, right?

Nope.

My daughter Lisa proved to be a Houdini of taking off her diaper, no matter what we tried.

Shortly after making her wear pants at all times, she learned how to take off her pants, and then her diaper.

We next tried making sure she always had a onesie on, but she soon learned how to unsnap the crotch, or just reach up those leg holes and undo the Velcro on her diaper.

At this point, we began to ask around for advice. We were first time parents and were getting a little overwhelmed with the endless soiled clothes and crib sheets. So, we tried a few more things.

It was repeatedly recommended to us that we put pants on underneath her onesie. Sounds genius right? Oh, but not for my daughter! She's got talent and determination! Would you believe that after trying this winning combination, I came in after her nap to find that she was still fully dressed, pants still on, onesie still snapped, but diaper off! How? HOW?! Only God knows for sure!

So, after this we realized that onesies were not the solution. We had to get more creative.

We tried safety-pinning zipped pajamas closed (though always worried they'd undo it and poke themselves, plus it always meant they had to have zippered jammies on during nap time, which essentially meant changing clothes more, which just didn't happen "¦ ). And we tried pajamas put on backwards (by far the most effective), but not a great option during those hot summer months (and our limited supply of zippered pajamas).

Other things we tried were Pull-Ups (nope!) and bribes (keep your diaper on during nap and I'll give you a treat!). We also attempted potty training.

The most common thing we ended up doing? Duct Tape. You betcha. We would tear the duct tape in half, and put it over the front Velcro part of their diapers at every diaper change. And it worked!

For a while "¦

Twins - Double the mess

Soon, both of my daughters learned how to remove the duct tape off their diapers too. Oh, yeah, did I forget to mention that a few months into Lisa's diaper removing trick, that my other daughter, Alison, also began doing it too? Because, that totally happened. I had two diaper removing twins to deal with every, single, day.

But, we were willing to give duct tape another go. This time we put a thin strip of duct tape all the way around their diapers. This worked very well, most of the time. The hard part about duct tape wrapped all the way around the diaper is that it's harder to take off -for the parents. But, they stayed on, except for the few times they managed to undo the tape, or wiggle out of their diapers.

I was very happy when my twins stopped taking off their diapers as often. I was glad that I could stop buying rolls of duct tape (we went through at least two) and didn't have to remember to bring duct tape with us for the babysitter. I was also very glad when they decided to potty train and we could just say goodbye to diapers forever!

Because twin babies taking off their diapers for a year, a solid year, was "¦ horrible. There I said it.

10 ways to prevent a child from taking off his diaper

1. Keep pants on them at all times.

2. Keep a onesie on them at all times.

3. Put pants underneath a onesie.

4. Safety-pin pajamas.

5. Put pajamas on backward.

6. Use Pull-Ups

7. Use bribes

8. Start potty training

9. Use duct tape on the diaper

10. Put the diapers on backward, tabs in the back.

Did your twins, triplets or singleton ever go through this diaper removing stage? What did you do? How did you cope?

The post 10 ways to stop your child from taking off his diaper appeared first on FamilyToday.

I have three young children. My house gets messy daily. Despite my best efforts, random stuffed animals, shoes, socks, jackets, pillows, puzzles, crayons and toys end up strewn across my house on a sometimes hourly basis. And that's to be expected! I have children. Children make messes. And I let them make messes. I let them (and encourage them to) play in the dirt and explore outside (remember how I am a free-range type parent?) and come inside and paint, and draw and imagine away with their toys, blankets and pillows. I give my children the vast majority of the day to use their creative imagination to play. I believe in play. I believe in playtime more than "learning time" right now, so I fully expect messes and memories to be made.

It's why I can get behind phrases like:

"Please excuse the mess. The children are making memories."

But "¦

I don't buy that I need to wait until my children are sleeping to clean up my house. Not for a second. In fact, I believe in cleaning the house with kids who are awake!

I often feel like I'm in the minority on this one, especially when sentiments like this are commonly shared online:

"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing." - Phyllis Diller

"Cleaning with kids in the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos."

So while I totally get that as you clean one spot your kids will just mess another, and that the cleaning never ends, does that mean we should never clean? Or only clean when the kids are safely away? Maybe. But, not to me.

Look, I'm not a clean freak (although I enjoy cleaning). I don't obsess over messes. I can go days without cleaning anything. I can easily step over toys and doodads all day long without having it drive me insane. But, I assure you, I don't like to clean while my kids are sleeping. I want my kids awake while I clean the house.

So, yes, I clean the house while my children are awake. And there are very good reasons for it.

First, I don't believe my daily life at home with my kids should be all about them

I don't believe it is my duty to ensure that every single minute of every day is scheduled with a "meaningful" activity unlike most 21st century stay at home moms. I don't do crafts. I don't enroll my children in sports, clubs or other activities. I don't believe I need to ensure my child's happiness constantly while they are awake. As I said before, I believe in play and not entitlement. My kids get to play, and they do a great job of it. My kids never complain of being bored. I don't know if they really know what that word is. Sure, I redirect them to a new activity from time to time, but I let my kids play independently and without me (as well as with me) throughout each day. This essentially means I have time to do other things while they are awake: like clean, cook, shower, blog, etc.

Second, I don't want my children to think that a magical elf comes and cleans their house for them each and every night.

I want them to know that I clean, their father cleans, and that they, too, are expected to clean. Cleaning is an essential part of life and of taking care of a home. Of course things will get messed up again, but it doesn't mean we should be slobs or live in filth. We need to clean, and I absolutely believe my children need to see me cleaning up the house, washing and folding laundry, vacuuming, cleaning dishes and mopping the floor. Seeing me (or their father) clean helps them learn gratitude. My children also like having a clean home (which seems crazy considering they make 85 percent of the mess around here). I have been so humbled and touched by my children thanking me for cleaning their room, for vacuuming, for making our home "beautiful," as they say. They love having a clean home just as much as I do.

Third, if I clean during the day, my children can help me

Even though I want my children to see me cleaning, I also expect them to help according to their abilities and age. My kids generally like helping, and they have certain activities that they prefer to others. Lisa likes to scrub down the table and help me sweep the floors. Alison loves to vacuum. Lisa will help fold clothes and both enjoy making their beds. Michael can occasionally be counted on putting a few toys back in a container.

I love seeing them take pride in cleaning. About once a week they'll ask us to come up to their bedroom so they can show off how clean it is, how the beds are made, and how their laundry is actually in the hamper, beaming with pride and satisfaction. As a parent, I love instilling the value of hard work in my children, and they know that "you don't give up" when things are tricky or hard. I don't expect my kids to clean perfectly or to my level of cleanliness, but I help them learn how to do it better if need be.

Fourth, I don't want to spend my precious me time, quiet time, cleaning

Sure it'll stay spotless longer, but at what cost? The cost of me developing other skills? Socializing with friends in person or online? Quality time with my husband? Time spent writing or promoting this blog? Or at the cost of my already limited hours of sleep? No! I do not want to clean during nap time or at the end of my very long days. I'd rather forget about those dishes in the sink and save them for tomorrow morning while my children are eating breakfast, and instead pop some popcorn, pull up a TV show on Hulu, and snuggle up next to my hubby at the end of a long day.

My home is a mess a lot of times. And some areas of our home (dusting for instance) are ignored for a very, very long time (just take a peek at our Household Chores Printable). But, I don't mind. While I still prefer to clean some things while my children are away or sleeping, like showers or other "bigger" projects which are more time or chemical intensive, most of the cleaning happens with my children awake, and often times with them helping.

That's why sometimes, I'm bothered by sayings like:

"Good moms have sticky floors, messy kitchens, laundry piles, dirty ovens, and happy kids."

I don't believe for a second that a prerequisite to being a good mom is having a messy home. While I know that such sayings are to help moms not feel overwhelmed, the reality is that kids don't reallylike living in a messy home, nor do their parents. Messy, unclean homes tend to stress everyone out. I don't think a home has to be constantly spotless or that you need to clean your oven more than like twice a year, but cleaning regularly, to whatever your level of cleanliness is acceptable for you and your family, is good practice. Because, honestly, your top priority as a mom should not be an immaculate house; it should be happy children. That's why I would rewrite the above quote simply:

"Good moms have happy kids."

My house is far from spotless, and some days I don't clean A. Single. Thing. but I am proud to say that I clean the house with children awake, as nonsensical as that may sound to many of you.

So, tell me, do you clean while your children are awake? Why or why not?

The post Why I believe in cleaning the house with awake kids appeared first on FamilyToday.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Katelyn Fagan's blog, What's Up Fagans. It has been republished here with permission.

There have often been times in my relatively short stint as a mother that I have found myself rather unhappy, when I've felt lonely, overwhelmed, inept and angry. When everything seemed like a big deal. I lost who I was as an individual, a person, a woman. I also felt like I really didn't recognize the person I now was, especially in comparison to who I used to think I was - a happy, optimistic, independent, funny and engaging individual. I didn't smile or laugh as much. I wasn't as comfortable around other people as I used to be.

But, guess what? I don't feel that way anymore! That's the greatest news! I feel happy and like myself again. And here are some things I believe helped me to reach this point of being happier as a stay-at-home mom. May some of them help you feel happy in your role as a mother too.

1. Lower and more realistic expectations

Sounds crazy, but when you have low expectations for others or yourself, you are less likely to be disappointed! So anything they do above and beyond your expectations makes you feel awesome! It's also important to realize what is likely and what is not likely from others (i.e. realistic expectations). This is very true when dealing with 2-year-olds as well as with adults, like a spouse or parent. I also have stopped my secret desires for others, you know the ones where you wish they were just different somehow? Because wishing others would change and be everything you need/want them to be is indeed, very unrealistic. They are who they are and the more you can accept that the better you feel.

2. Cheerfully doing the things I do (or being a team player)

My husband and I have certain things we each do to make our family run. My duties, though different than his, are just as important to making sure our family life goes smoothly. So me complaining about the fact that I have to do laundry, fold it, put it away, load the dishwasher and unload it, take out the trash, pay bills, clean everything all the time, or whatever, doesn't help our team. Doing my chores and duties with a happy attitude and an understanding that this helps my family, makes me feel happy instead of overwhelmed and overburdened.

Also, because of my point #1 of lower expectations, anytime someone helps out with my duties, it makes me feel good about them! While I still sometimes find myself grumbling that a certain someone doesn't help out more around the house or that I don't get acknowledged perhaps like I think I should, I try to erase those evil thoughts right out of my head. That's the devil speaking to me.

3. Less computer time

I feel I have definitely scaled back on the amount of time I spend in front of the computer. Part of that is just because my children would destroy the house if I did so. The other part is that I really want to be engaged with my children, doing the things I am supposed to be doing (like housework), and doing more productive things, even if that thing is reading a book to myself or my children. I've also become more disenfranchised with Facebook and other websites (even blogging somewhat) as they are often rather boring. The computer overall has lost some of its importance to me. I am striving to find more meaningful activities for my time.

4. Smiling, laughing and singing more

I am known for whistling, humming or singing little tunes over and over again to myself, often while working on something, and very unconsciously. And for a while I didn't do much of it, but I find that doing this simple thing actually makes me feel better about myself and what I am doing. And smiling? Definitely helps makes me feel good. I make it a point to look at my children when they are talking to me and smiling, real, big smiles. I want them to know they make me profusely happy. And I've been trying to smile more at strangers. Once upon a time I was a girl/woman who would smile at everyone I passed as I walked down a street, trying to make eye contact. Somewhere down the road that stopped and I now seem to want to keep to myself and ignore everyone else, just like everyone else. I've been trying to be more engaging with people I cross, whether the cashier, the waiter, a neighbor, a stranger, or whoever. Life is about human interaction and I don't want to be so consumed with myself and my family that I ignore everyone else in my small world.

5. Savoring the moments

Every experienced mother seems to love to tell young/new mothers to savor each and every moment while their children are young. And whether or not you agree that you can find savory goodness in the middle of your child's greatest and latest meltdown, there is truth in the sentiment. As I have been using the computer less, I have been striving, ever striving, to really savor the time I have with my kids. They will be 3 before I know it, entering preschool and then kindergarten. My time at home with them is dwindling. But how do you savor a moment?

I know that sometimes it is very tempting as a mother and a blogger, to want to whip out the camera anytime my kids begin something that I deem cute or funny or adorable or what have you. But, often in the process of running to get the camera, starting it up, adjusting it, finding a good angle and lighting, etc., my child has stopped doing the cute/funny/adorable thing or are distracted by the camera and the moment is ultimately lost. This is NOT savoring a moment with your child. If you can get it on camera, great! but don't have that be your goal or first instinct.

Instead try to memorize it, ingrain it in your brain, let it touch and melt your heart. I find that the more I let myself enjoy the cuteness that is my daughters, the more I have a hard time being angry at them later. It also helps me keep things in perspective. My kids aren't always terrible 2-year-olds! And I like and love them dearly!

Part of savoring moments with them is also creating them. However, when I say creating, I don't mean structuring or organizing an activity that you hope will be savory to your soul (because honestly these seem to backfire anyway). I mean creating moments by taking advantage of opportunities that are already there. Your child wants to snuggle? Then snuggle away, and as you do so, tell your child how much you love them and give them lots of extra hugs and kisses, stroke their hair and cheek, and tell them how wonderful of a person they are and what you like about them. That is creating a moment. It's not staged, it's impromptu, but profound.

The beautiful thing about staying at home with your children is that you have so many opportunities each day to turn an instant into a moment. You can teach your child a lesson as you comfort their tears. You can turn learning into a game. You can joke and tease and laugh with your child each and every day, most of the day through. You can be a constant example to them (something I am not a shining star at, however) of how you want them to be, to act, to live, to listen, to pray, to eat, to speak, etc. Each of these can become moments, tender, dear memories of your children that you can hold onto as they throw epic tantrums, destroy your furniture, hit you in the face, pee on the floor, make huge messes, disobey, call you names and give you tons of attitude.

Parenting is often so draining, so taxing, so frustrating, that often it's all we can think about, all we can see of our lives. How will we survive until bedtime tonight? How do I make my kid eat his dinner? How long will potty training last? And why must my child still get up in the middle of the night? But, I personally attest that savoring at least one moment each and every day with your child will help you be happy. It helps me enjoy motherhood, my time at home, and parenting. It reminds me that children are precious, pure, innocent, and need me more than anything.

Children are a gift from God, not a punishment. I find that the good moments I have with of my children help me feel the connection between heaven and earth. I feel sublime powers all around me. I feel heaven near. Jesus loves little children, so much so that he proclaimed the greatest goal of our lives should be to become as a child: meek, submissive, mild, teachable, lovable, and humble. In the quiet memorable moments with my children, I am indeed taught just how much they possess those qualities inherently. It is a blessing to myself to savor such moments as it teaches me how to become more like them.

The post 5 ways to be happier as a stay-at-home mom appeared first on FamilyToday.