I'm grateful to say that I've never experienced anything too traumatic in my life. Everyone I love is alive and well and for that, I am most grateful. However, we all have trials and mine seem to come in the form of internal "torment" if you will. It is something I'm desperately seeking answers for and trying to overcome. I wouldn't classify it as depression, just a constant struggle in my head, an internal conflict. It is feelings of anger and frustration, bouts of low self-esteem, discontent, struggling to forgive and lacking tolerance of others' actions. I have the tendency to obsess over the things I CAN'T change rather than the things I can.

As much as this constantly consumes my mind lately, I know without a doubt I will overcome it. When I'm struggling, I spend a lot of time reading, Googling, writing and praying. I'm desperately trying to understand these emotions, where they stem and how to overcome internal conflict.

As I'm learning and unveiling these truths, I feel compelled to share them in hopes it may reach someone who is going through something similar. I find great fulfillment when taking my MESS and turning it into my MESSAGE! It helps shift my focus to proactive measures rather than taking on a "victim" mentality. It brings me so much peace during my trials.

Here are three specific causes of internal conflict.

1. Discontent

I feel like I've been so focused on achieving BIG goals that I've become completely dissatisfied with where I'm at and how far I've come.

One of my favorite messages is by religious leader Dieter Uchtdorf. He eloquently put into words the feelings I've been experiencing. He compares our tendency to be discontent in life to the classic "Charlie And The Chocolate Factory" story. He describes how in the beginning everyone was so concerned with getting the "golden ticket" that even the candy bar itself was no longer enjoyable.

"This is not to say that we should abandon hope or temper our goals. Never stop striving for the best that is within you. Never stop hoping for all of the righteous desires of your heart. But don't close your eyes and hearts to the simple and elegant beauties of each day's ordinary moments that make up a rich, well-lived life."
- Dieter Uchtdorf

When reaching for goals and choosing to do hard, yet worthwhile, things like put on an event, run a marathon, homeschool, etc. I find myself at one point or another wondering why I CHOSE to do this in the first place? Why did I put this unnecessary weight on my shoulders? Then, I'm reminded that the easier road is much less fulfilling. It's the hard things that not only enlightens us of our true potential and empowers us to achieve more, but uncovers little by little who we are. It makes us feel ALIVE!

2. Lacking tolerance and struggling to forgive

We've all been victims of people who are mean and insensitive. Recently, I was really hurt by the actions of another person. I dwelled on it for days. I realized I just can't take it personally.

I'm learning that in order for me to have peace, I have to forgive and allow people to be who they are. Love and forgiveness are the answer to most problems.

A hard lesson we have to learn is not everybody is going to like you. I've spent too much energy making sure I'm liked by all. It took me a while to realize it's an impossible feat. I can't force people to like me nor can I force myself to like certain people. We all have our peeps, the ones we mesh with and the ones we don't.

Take a break from social media. I believe it's one of Satan's sneaky ways of distracting us from fulfilling our purpose. He wants us to question our importance and lovability. He knows how to stop us from believing in our mission and living out our potential.

3. Low self-esteem

I read an interesting explanation of the human competitive nature from the book "Status Anxiety" by Alain de Botton.

"It is the feeling that we might, under different circumstances, be something other than what we are - a feeling inspired by exposure to the superior achievements of those whom we take to be our equals - that generates anxiety and resentment. If we are short, say but live among people of our same height, we will not be unduly troubled by questions of size. But if others in our group grow just a little taller than us, we are liable to feel sudden unease and to be gripped by dissatisfaction and envy, even though we have not ourselves diminished in size by so much as a fraction of a millimeter.

Given the vast inequalities we are daily confronted with, the most totable feature of envy may be that we manage not to envy everyone. There are people whose enormous blessings leave us wholly untroubled, even as others' negligible advantages become a source of relentless torment for us. We envy only those whom we feel ourselves to be like - we envy only members of our reference group. There are few successes more unendurable than those of our ostensible equals."

It's interesting how competitive the natural man is. We compare ourselves so much to others and tend to feel resentment towards people who seem to be happier or more successful than us. This is something I hate to admit but I find myself experiencing over and over. Just when I think I've reached new heights and learned to be happy with where I'm at and happy for the success of others, I get on social media and I'm right back where I started. Social media is a blessing and a curse. The answer is not to abandon social media altogether, the answer is to learn the lesson.

How can we overcome our envious nature? How can we stay in a place of peace and love for everyone?

That is the big question. I've found plenty of tips and advice on the matter but I tell you, it's no easy task.

It's all about shifting our focus. We have to pay attention to all the gifts, talents and blessings that WE have. Each one of us is unique and wonderfully made. We are all loved equally by God, he has no favorites. Also, we must remember that nobody has it all. It may look like it on social media but God is a fair and just God. We all have struggles, we all have weaknesses, and we all have pain. Remember, there is no way around it in this life.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Wannabe Balanced Mom. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

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I've been dealing with feelings of resentment lately, and it literally makes me ache inside. I do NOT like this feeling. Over the weekend it came on really strong. It's usually triggered by something someone says to me, the way they act towards me or even something I see on social media.

When this happens, I usually begin searching for ways to feel better. I start with a little googling, sincere prayer and lots of Bible study. However, I tend to get impatient. When I'm dealing with negative emotions, I want it to go away as soon as possible.

Don't we all?

I pray that God will guide me to the right quote, or article that relates to exactly how I'm feeling, with step-by-step instructions on HOW to overcome it. The answers don't always come right away, we have to put in the time and effort before we can find relief.

Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed with the emotion that I just want a distraction. I need something to take my mind off of it. So this weekend as I'm wallowing in my resentment towards certain people, all I wanted to do was binge watch "Friends" on Netflix. I wanted to forget my complicated social situations and live vicariously through this made-up group of friends that seem to have so much fun together. Everyone loves each other, they all care deeply for one another, nobody is getting left out and life is just GOOD.

So instead of using a distraction, I knew I needed to keep my mind open and aware to receive the answers I was praying for. So after an entire day of searching Youtube, podcasts and blog posts, I was able to find some resources that actually helped me.

Why do we feel resentment?

• You didn't get invited to the party.

• You don't feel supported by friends or family members.

• You feel you've been taken advantage of.

• Frustrated that a friend chooses to be your competition instead of working together in business.

• Someone is spreading rumors about you.

• You are being left out, you're not included in a group of friends, you see a picture on social media of your friends hanging out, and you're not in it.

Get it all out...

This feeling is like an infection in the body. You need to get it out. So just SAY what you're feeling or thinking. Say it or write it out. Just don't say it TO anyone and be sure to rip up the paper and throw it away once you're done. You can be as mean and vicious as you want because nobody can hear it. The purpose is to remove the negativity and not hurt anyone. Our "knee-jerk" reaction is to hurt someone back when they have hurt us but this won't solve anything.

Humility

Next step, write out your own weaknesses. It's good to establish some humility in this kind of situation and not be the victim. Take responsibility for your own mistakes. Recognize that you're not perfect either. You may have done this very thing to someone else. Recognize that we all have things we need to work on.

Mathew 7:1-5 says,

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

Ignorance is Bliss

Now, tell your brain what you want to hear. It doesn't matter if it's true or not. Create the perfect situation in your mind. Come up with an explanation for the person's actions. What might have caused this person to do this? Have compassion towards that individual. Maybe the person that hurt you has legitimate issues that caused them to do what they did.

The goal is to feel better and it's OK to tell your mind what it wants to hear. Ignorance is bliss, and LaLa Land is beautiful. Tell yourself you're amazing, and that it's their loss for not wanting to work with you, or for not inviting you to the party. Tell yourself YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Forgive!

Ephesians 4:31-32 says,

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

I can honestly say that I feel MUCH better. I put in the time and effort. God answered my prayers and led me to the right resources that helped me overcome these negative feelings.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Wannabe Balanced Mom. It has been republished here with permission.

The post Experiencing feelings of resentment? Here are 4 ways to overcome it appeared first on FamilyToday.

This technology addiction has been something I've struggled with off and on since social media became a thing. It all started with MySpace, which then led me to blogging, then Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, Periscope, and most recently, Snap Chat. These are all great platforms and have been very beneficial to me in more ways than one.

But, we can have too much of a good thing. I always start out with good intentions. To share my passions, life lessons, inspirational messages, make connections and to build relationships. Then somehow it turns into this stressful rat race that leaves me feeling overwhelmed, inadequate, doubting myself, and completely off balance. I always wonder, how did I get back in this place yet AGAIN?

I blog because it fills a need, it's therapeutic and gives me that creative outlet. All the other social media platforms are connected to that same purpose. But somehow I get sucked into the dark hole of addiction which makes me feel trapped, like I literally don't have control. I can't leave my phone for even a minute, there is always something I need to check and messages I need to reply to. Most of us check our tech compulsively and studies show an outrageous number of our population get anxious - actual anxiety - if disconnected for too long.

My goal

I told my husband Sean I was going to take an entire week off of social media. I planned to do it the next week, but realized I had already made certain commitments. Then, I thought the following week would work. Nope, too much going on. Ugh, and then begins the never ending cycle once again. I feel too committed to my phone. I seriously don't even know what it would be like to go that long without it. I've done phone fasts on Sunday's and that has been really good for me, but I think I need an entire week. To go a whole week? Now that would be a sacrifice, which is something we need to do periodically in life. Sacrifice is the ultimate strength and character builder.

I want more time of stillness and less distractions

Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to live on a farm 100 years ago, with no technology, just living every day in the present moment. Seems so beautiful and peaceful. I need more of this in my life. I need it for me and I need it for my children.

So like I said, technology can be such a great thing, but I think it's something that can easily take over if we don't reign it in. Our multitasking often works against us. We think we are being so productive be responding to emails and playing with our kids at the same time.

Why we have these addictions

We all find ourselves in some form of addiction through out our lives. Whether it be food, sugar, tv, work, alcohol, caffeine, perscription drugs, technology, cleaning, etc. Most of these things are OK in small dosages, but we all know when it's reached an unhealthy level and that's when we need to make some changes. We are here to overcome the natural desires of man. We become better and grow into the people God wants us to be, be resisting temptations and rising above the things that hold us hostage.

Sometimes we need to do things just to prove to ourselves that we CAN. Like natural birth for example. I know lots of people that think natural birth is crazy, why would a women choose to do this? Modern medicine has come a long way, why would we CHOOSE pain when we don't have to?

Like I said, sometimes we choose hard things in order for us to grow and enhance our belief system. Every time we do something incredibly hard, we feel strong, more confident, and full of power to do good.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Wannabe Balanced Mom. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

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Did you ever think back in high school that you'd still be dealing with feelings of being left out or not part of the "popular" crowd? I sure didn't. I've dealt with these experiences off and on through out my life but never forsaw my 35 year old self dealing with the same feelings I felt back in grade school. We all have a deep desire to fit in, to have friends, to be liked, and validated.

Life brings us challenges that we must overcome otherwise they repeat themselves until the lesson is learned.

So who cares that I didn't get invited to the party, the girls night, the baby shower, the wedding, the fancy event, etc. Does that really mean I'm not a lovable person? That I don't have friends that appreciate and support me? No!

So why do we FEEL this way when we didn't get the invite? Why do we allow ONE thing to bring us down and forget all the wonderful things in our lives?

We can't ALL be included in EVERYTHING. We need to take our turn. Everybody has experienced the feeling of being left out, but most likely we have also experienced the thrill and excitement of being a part of a great group of friends or invited to the awesome party. So lets focus on all the good in our lives and allow others to have THEIR TURN in recieving good things.

So as I'm sitting here being consumed with these thoughts, I'm reminded of my role as a mother. Trying to shift my focus and remember the messages and lessons that I hope to pass on to my own daughter.

First one being DON'T TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY

My favorite quote by Joel Osteen is:

"Many people let negative words or other peoples opinions ruin their lives. They live to please other people and honestly think that they can be happy by trying to keep everyone else happy. They don't want anybody to say a negative thing about them. That's simply impossible. You have to accept that not everyone is going to like you, not everybody is going to accept you, and you certainly cannot keep everyone happy. Some people will find fault no matter what you do."

It's human nature to want love and acceptance, but we can't win them all.

Social media can do crazy things to ones self-esteem. We are constantly comparing ourselves with others. We get a peak inside someone else's life and we can't help but think that their life is a little better than our own. We think, if only I had this, if only I lived there, if only they were MY friends.We somehow think that if our lives were a little more like someone else's THEN we would be happier. What we fail to remember is that nobody's life is perfect. Maybe they have a nice house but their marriage is failing. Maybe they have a huge social media following but feel lonely inside. Perhaps they have amazing friends but struggle with their weight. They may have been blessed with physical beauty but struggle with self doubt. There is opposition in all things.

We all have struggles. Things that we've dealt with in the past, things that we are dealing with now and things we will have to endure in the future. We don't typically share the things we struggle with, not necessarily because we are trying to portray a perfect life. Let's be honest, nobody wants to get on social media and hear people complaining all day. We like HAPPY, it's what draws us in.

I hope that I can get a little better at loving myself and having gratitude in my heart. Instead of focusing on the negative, I want to focus on all the good in my life. There is always good to seen, we just often times forget to recognize it because all our energy is going towards trying to fit in or getting people to notice us, love us and appreciate us. It's such a selfish way of living right? What a narcasistic way of thinking. Why not take the focus off ourselves just a little and GIVE what we desire to receive. It will have the same affect as if it were happening to us.

Do not waste your pain and use it to lift others

One of the best parts about having a blog is that it's extremely theraputic and also gives me great purpose while using my pain to help others. It's always nice to know that we are not alone and that others experience the same kinds of emotions. Maybe not exactly, but we all struggle every now and then.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Wannabe Balanced Mom. It has been republished here with permission.

The post Dear moms: Not everyone is going to like you appeared first on FamilyToday.

Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed today?

Are you feeling overwhelmed, inadequate, left out, frustrated, discouraged or unappreciated?

We all have those days or even months when we're dealing with something upsetting or painful. Whether it be the loss of a loved one, frustration in your relationships, or even just getting your feelings hurt. Maybe it's something someone said or did, or maybe something they DIDN'T say or do. Maybe you're struggling with one of your children. Whatever the cause may be, we have the ability to change how we feel. It's just a matter of making the choice. MUCH easier said than done though, right?

I've put together a list of 12 steps that might help ease your pain or at least get you on track to having a better day.

Repeat the following as long as needed and know that you WILL see better days.

"What we feed will grow. You have to quit feeding those wrong emotions." -Joel Osteen

1. Say a prayer

Of course you knew I was going to say that. Prayer should always be the first thing you do when you need help. God is there for us whenever we need him. All we have to do is ask.

2. Talk to someone about it

Talking about it with someone you love and trust is very therapeutic. Share your feelings in a non-gossiping way. I always feel better when I can express what I'm feeling as well as get encouragement and advice. My husband has been so great that way. He helps me see things for what they really are ... LIFE LESSONS. He helps me figure out what the lesson is and how I can handle it in a mature manner. He's always there to remind me that I'm a great wife, mother and friend, I tend to forget. I'm sure you all have someone like this in your life, whether it be your spouse, a friend, sibling or parent.

3. Read something uplifting

Go online and start using google. Or search the scriptures for answers you need. Find an article that speaks to you and seems to be just what you need to hear. Read it a few times and really ponder the message. You might have a favorite book or even audio that helps uplift your spirits and gives you those positive affirmations you need.

4. Make a list

I LOVE lists. Make a list of all the things you're grateful for. Then, make a list of all the good things about YOU that remind yourself that you ARE amazing! We seem to forget so easily. I'm getting better with this as I get older and wiser, but I tend to let opinions about me REALLY get to me.

5. Be proactive

Let go of your pity party. Release those expectations you have of others and think of how YOU can make a difference in someone's life. Look around you ... is there someone in need? Someone hurting or struggling? If you can't think of anyone, then pray that you'll find someone. Bring dinner to a family, or invite them over. Offer to babysit someone's kids for the day. Visit the sick or elderly. What are you good at? How can you use your talents to serve others?

6. Write

Write, write, then write some more. Let it ALL out. Put down your feelings on paper. Don't hold back in any way, then tear it up. You don't want to hold onto anything that may be hurtful for others to read. Wait a day or two THEN try writing down your feelings again, this time in a more positive way. Try to see the lesson and write about what you're learning from this.

7. Go outside

Get out and get some fresh air. Go for a bike ride, a run or a hike. Then when you get back, make yourself a healthy smoothie or salad. You'll be surprised what exercise, nature and good nutrition can do to your mood. If weather is not permitting then you can always do a little yoga.

8. Improve your talents

What talent are you working on improving at the moment? Is it singing, writing, cooking, painting, playing an instrument, photography? Whatever it is, start working on it. Getting your mind off the negative feelings and channeling that energy into something that's helping you become a better you will dramatically change the way you feel.

9. Be productive

Turn on some uplifting music and clean the house, organize a closet or your garage. Just get busy and get things done.

10. Play with your kids

Children have a contagious way of making you happy. We can definitely learn from these little babies. Enjoy the moment with them. Take it all in. Notice their little smiles and laughter as you play with them. Smell their hair, kiss their cheeks and look into their beautiful eyes. Seriously the best medicine.

11. Soak up the sun

The sun always makes me happy. Get outside and sit in the sun for 10-15 minutes. If the sun isn't shining then try sitting in front of a Happy Light.

12. Do a little pampering

Get a manicure or pedicure. Get a massage, get your hair done or go buy yourself a new outfit. Go out to dinner or a movie with some friends. If you don't want to spend any money, then go take a nice long bath with some essential oils, put on some relaxing music, use some deep conditioner on your hair, a mask for your face, then give yourself a mani pedi and finish off the night with a good ol' fashion chick flick.

May we all see better days and appreciate our struggles because they mold us into a work of art.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Wannabe Balanced Mom. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

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