I have a hard time at work sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I'm that drill Sargent sending troops off to the war that was so very painful to me. I wheel them to the curb with a little tear in my eye. I know where they're going. I've been there. I've watched my friends go there. It is a war. I have literally choked away tears as I wish them good luck.

Lately I have a lot of friends who are having their first baby (seriously, how did I get into this place, I swore I'd never throw a shower again ...). I look at them and I have a hard time not SHAKING them and knowing what they're walking into. But even if I did I'd look like a lunatic. I just don't have words. I don't have words to tell them what it will be like.

ME.

No words?

Who knew?

Sure, that adorable bundle of goo is yours. You love it so much (or, maybe you don't, but you try to ... either way is fine). Those nurses, they make things look so easy, surely it will be fine when you go home. So many people have done this, right? My uncle had a great saying that "Dumber people than you have done this." That was my mantra for a good two weeks when my son was born.

You walk in the door. Everything seems the same. It's the same kitchen, your same bed. Yet, everything is somehow different. You've changed. Not only are your hips a good centimeter larger (or more) but there's more "¦

Anyway, I just want everyone to know that first baby - it's a doozy. I mean, every baby that follows is a doozy too "¦ but that first one. The realization that THIS is your new life. You are completely enslaved to someone who weighs less than the bag of flour you got at Target a few days ago. Your every need comes second to theirs.

I remember bursting into tears when my son would be hungry. I didn't want to be near him, and I felt SO guilty. SO guilty. I remember my husband trying to get me to "play" with him on his non-sleeping hours. Just so I could feel a little baby joy rather than wanting to claw my own eyes out while he tried to suck my soul out.

I remember crying like a maniac that I didn't have milk. MY child would be RUINED. He'd never read, his IQ would be in the toilet. I had truly failed him. Seriously? I mean, I truly fail him in many worse ways daily now. Had I only known that then.

Had I known how truly hard it is to ruin a newborn I think I might have put a little less pressure on myself. But all those books, all those DARN BOOKS. Not to mention those moms who pretend that it is a piece of cake. That they never, ever had thoughts like that. They're lying. Or, they're on serious anti-depressants.

Anyway, I guess what I'm going to wind this up to say is that YOU are OK. Whatever you are thinking is fine. You don't have to feel guilty about wishing your life hadn't been sucked into the mouth of this little infant. You don't have to feel guilty about mixing a bottle every now and then. You don't have to feel guilty if the sound of them crying makes you just turn up the Enya for a few minutes longer.

Because this is your new life. That isn't to say that you'll be sleepless forever, or that feeding and pooping will be your main concerns forever. But it is your new life. This baby IS your new life.

And every woman takes their own pace realizing that and getting into their new groove. Because, you will find that groove (hopefully with the support of your assistive husband). Someday you'll be that mom who tackles three kids with abandon and looks like she has it all together (emphasis on looks) but today isn't that day. Today is the day to get through one hour at a time, and find joy in the tiny things, and to stroke those tiny baby thighs and to think happy thoughts about heaven where that baby just was.

Now is the time to realize that you can do it. But you're not going to do it all today.

And most of all, now is the time to know you can call me any time. I've been there. I do this for a living. And I want to help out. There is no need for this to be a private war. The more troops the better, right? Wish I had reached out more. I felt so awkward saying this wasn't working. I had one friend who I spilled my soul to daily and she was so comforting. I actually can't even remember her name now, but she was amazing. A true gift from God at the time.

Knuckle bump to anyone who's ever been a first time mom. We all know you'll make it.

The post Ode to the new mom appeared first on FamilyToday.

Have you ever thought of journaling for your kids? Do you think one day they'll treasure their journals? What are some reasons you would journal for your kids?

I am a big journaler. I have this blog, I have a personal journal and I have one for each of my three kids, and once a month I write in it. It has been crazy beneficial. Here are five reasons to journal for your kids:

1. It gives you history

I wrote down how often the kids were eating/sleeping for that first year. It was SO helpful with each subsequent child. I often wonder "when did they give up that second nap" and I could just go back to the journals. There isn't a whole lot to write about when your babies are little - and while it seems mundane, this can be really helpful.

2. It gives you a place to vent

I am not sure if/when the kids will get to look at their own journals. They are critical of them. They say how HARD it is to be their mom. It talks about their personal flaws in a VERY REAL way. I don't sugar-coat or hold back when I write in them.

3. It gives you a place to praise

I don't want my kids thinking they are the smartest human to ever touch the earth - but in their journals I can marvel about how truly amazing they are, and muse about how I might have had a hand in it. Sometimes it reminds me of things that really are WONDERFUL about them. There's an awful lot.

4. It gives you place to prioritize

When I'm journaling for kids, I can somehow pinpoint what I really want to help them change. One is too sneaky, one needs to learn how to stay on task, and one needs to learn to take responsibility for their self. It's about 20 minutes of JUST thinking about them. I don't know about you, but I don't often get that without the whirlwind of parenthood around me.

5. You are DOING this

Just when you think you're the largest failure that parenthood has ever seen, you can look back and realize you are making a difference in these little people that you are spending SO much time on! It's good to see them evolve and change, and maybe you are making a difference on #4.

I journal in each kid's once a month. I beg Drew to write something in the month of their birthday. I know they get theirs someday. I hope they treasure it, or maybe it will help them realize we ALL struggle. Even raising perfect beings like themselves.

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Having a Family Theme can be a REALLY fun way to celebrate Halloween. I should know, we have done it since 2004. We've done cowboys and Indians, Star Wars, Super Heroes, Calvin and Hobbes (a cop-out pregnancy year), Peter Pan and Flintstones. It turns a holiday into something that could be awfully creepy (HATE the spirit store) into a fun family event that builds unity. Here are my 10 tips for family theme costumes.

1. Use Media

Think of shows or books that your family enjoys together. Make a list of them and you'll brainstorm plenty of ideas.

2. Think about your skills

If you don't want to sew, you don't have to. There are plenty of costumes that can be done with very little or no sewing (HURRAY!).

3. Think about the weather

This is always important at Halloween with little kids. You don't need them sweltering (which is what mine do - pull that Yoda hat off and you have a liter of fluid under there in sweat) or not be able to bulk-up for warmth underneath it.

4. Think about characters

Could each family member find someone in that theme to be that they are OK with? Sure, there will be fights over who gets to be Luke Skywalker. It will just happen. Let it go. With so many boys, we need something that has a few boys. The cast of Annie is out, what a shame.

5. Thrifty

Browse your local thrift store. There are LOTS of great costume ideas from dresses or T-shirts. Start there and see what ideas come to you!

6. Think of a time period

My brother and I once went as a flapper and a gangster. It was really fun, and we learned some history along the way (and my brother got to carry a gun).

7. Think of your activities

Are you going to have parties to attend, as well as trick or treating? What would be appropriate for that? Can your kids go separately to their events in just their own costume?

8. Can you make it with fleece?

I love fleece because you don't have to hem the edges because it doesn't fray. Thank you to the makers of fleece!

9. Let kids have input

It's FUN for them to come to the store to pick out fabric and then see you create a costume! I take my kids opinion very seriously. How long do they want the pants, what colors do they like for it? Which picture do they want it to look like? It's a time for creativity.

10. Have fun with it

I often made a CD that I'd play in the car to go with our costume themes. Seriously. Mock if you will. But it just made it FUN. I'm not normally that mom, but for 12 Halloweens I WAS that mom. Let's see if we do it this year.

Check out our costumes in my Gallery (click to make larger - or start the slideshow). Also check out my Halloween costumes category, for directions for most of these great costumes!

Here are links to how to make Superheroes, Flintstones, Star Wars, and Peter Pan costumes. There are instructions on how I made my costumes, as well as other ideas for your own!

The post 10 tips for family-theme costumes appeared first on FamilyToday.

You can talk until you are blue in the face to you kids about how prayer works.

But it just takes a simple moment "¦.

Let me backup.

A few weeks ago, Princess P left her lunchbox on the school bus. Now, drama-rama is the code name for our house in the afternoons already. We weren't even into double digits for how many days of Kindergarten she has been to. I do believe this was day eight. Anyway, she is having a tough transition, and the thought that her beloved lunchbox may never return to her lovin' arms was too much for her to take.

Mr. Middle suggested that she pray that she'll see it again. Maybe the school bus driver will just hold it for her.

And like she does, she immediately said a prayer. Right at the kitchen table, in the middle of her after school snack.

Life went on. I soothed her fears and said life would go on, with or without a lunchbox. She tried to believe me.

And then there was a knock at the door. Who could it be? We don't get a lot of early afternoon visitors "¦

And there she was, the bus driver. With her bus parked in our coul-de-sac, handing us Paige's lunchbox.

I was shocked. I had no words. I called Paige to the door to say thank you. She did, in her shy way. We also made a Thank You card for her, since that was truly going above and beyond. How she knew our address, or why she decided to be our knight in shining armor, I'll never know.

I just know a 5-year-old girl asked her Heavenly Father to please bring it back to her.

And He did.

The lesson comes in finding the correlation. Was it a coincidence that it happened? I guess some might say it is. But I believe God is listening. He hears our prayers and he very much wants to give us what we are asking for. If we just believe.

The post Teaching children about prayer appeared first on FamilyToday.

I had gum put in my hair. I had glasses and REALLY frizzy hair, a giant retainer and then braces. Life wasn't pretty back then. I wouldn't say it's especially pretty now "¦ but I hope you get the picture.

I seriously need a picture of me when I was about 12 ... I'm going to work on that.

Anyway, I learned how to know that I was good and OK. I didn't need my mom to fight my battles. I didn't need to care what everyone thought. Here's a newsflash, people still tease me now. Most of the time I know if I dish it, I need to take it - but sometimes my dander gets up. Which, of course, is a shame since I am allergic to dander.

But, I digress.

I see posts on Facebook about people's kids being bullied by being called names or not being played with at recess.

And I just don't think that's bullying. When I think bullying, I think the kid in "A Christmas Story" that comes and pounds that kid like crazy until he's bleeding.

Of course, that's an extreme.

I would say that my mother dander hasn't particularly gone up for my kids. Sure, they get called names and feel like no one is playing with them. Sure, I get called names and I sometimes feel like no one is playing with me. Because I live with imperfect humans who are trying to be funny and survive in their own way. I have learned to become a duck, and let the water slide right off.

_Are we raising kids without their duck skin_? Are we raising kids who allow each bit of water to enter their skin and weaken them a bit?

For me, when my kids have complaints of "bullying" (and they too have found this to be a "key" word and sometimes use it), I come back with these:

1. How was your day?

Sometimes your day is just rotten, so whatever anyone does you feel like you're being bullied by life and that person just put a face to the bully. It's understandable. I sing them "Let It Go" often in my amazing opera voice.

2. I ask them if that is someone they value

I mean, if someone I could care less about says something mean to me - I don't really care. They need to decide whose opinions they value. You can't value everyone's, because we're all so different. I am learning this as I get more comments on my blog. Someone called me ignorant about healthcare last week. It got my dander up.

3. I ask them if what they said is true

Like, if they smell - have they not taken a shower? Positive peer pressure rocks! That's not bullying, that's GETTING MY KIDS TO SHOWER. Thank you!

4. I give them a hug.

Sometimes you just need a hug and that makes it fine. Sometimes I just need a hug. I know how that feels.

5. I evaluate it.

I'm not saying that there isn't bullying. But I find bullying to be consistent, VERY mean spirited, often physically harmful or at least emotionally quite harmful. And then it might be time to act. Every situation is different, I am sure your mom-sense (similar to spider sense) will react in a way that you KNOW something is wrong. A lot of the time I only have one side of the story and I will query his teacher to find out the other side of the story. She often knows the truth and already has a handle on the situation.

Anyway, those are my thoughts? What do you think? Do you think bullying has become a "code" word for anything your kid doesn't like? Turns out I bully my kids into cleaning their room every day. That's just how I am. Deal with it kiddos!

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