Emily Ellsworth – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com Here today, better tomorrow. Mon, 02 May 2016 06:30:04 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.8.3 https://wp-media.familytoday.com/2020/03/favicon.ico Emily Ellsworth – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com 32 32 Celebrating Mother’s Day with a mom in long-term care https://www.familytoday.com/family/celebrating-mothers-day-with-a-mom-in-long-term-care/ Mon, 02 May 2016 06:30:04 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/celebrating-mothers-day-with-a-mom-in-long-term-care/ Traditional Mother's Day activities often aren't possible when your mom has Alzheimer's or dementia.

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Mother's Day often inspires images of breakfast in bed, a relaxing brunch, or even a phone call to connect with mom. However, for many, the realities of a parent in an assisted living facility or suffering with a cognitive disease such as Alzheimer's or dementia bring sadness. With dementia and Alzheimer's, the dynamics of a relationship change, and so do Mother's Day celebrations. For children with parents who fit this description, dreading Mother's Day is normal.

However, with some preparation, you can help ease the pain of Mother's Day and make the day a little more sweet for you and your mom. Here are 5 ideas to help you do that:

1. Go slow

Depending on the stage of Alzheimer's or dementia your mother is experiencing, you'll need to go at that pace. In the early stages, brunch or breakfast will be a good time to connect. It doesn't have to be about reliving memories, but just connecting in the present. If your mom is in the later stages, that may be too much, but just visiting with no expectations about what she may or may not remember is important.

2. Get assistance from the staff

If your mother is in an assisted living facility, be sure to reach out to the staff beforehand to get ideas for things to do. Many facilities are willing to help plan an activity and prepare your mom for your visit. The staff will also be aware of recent concerns and can help set expectations.

At Parke View Rehabilitation in Burley, Idaho, the staff has a celebration event with dessert and a time to discuss and remember mom. "The past two years, this event has provided a time for all of us to cook together and discuss what our moms did for us," Shiloh Sorensen, activities director at Parke View Rehabilitation said. "When the activity is done, we set out puzzles, art projects, music, and games so families can interact while they are visiting."

3. Keep it short

There is no need to have a visit last all day if that isn't practical. Coming by for a scheduled visit for an hour will make the visit less stressful and more meaningful. You can either come prepared with an activity or have a moment to sit in the common area or outside if the weather is nice.

4. Connect through a hobby or music

Studies have shown that patients with cognitive disabilities are soothed through music and familiarity.

"Visit mom and do something that she always loved doing. Don't expect her to remember how, but enjoy the activity with her," Tracy Jenkins, executive director at Hurricane Health and Rehabilitation suggests. "If she always loved to sew or knit, sit down with her at a table and knit a small item where she can watch. Remember that some of the most heartfelt moments with someone who has memory loss involve very few words."

Bring old photo albums and let your mom tell stories if she remembers any. If not, you can either fill in the blanks or create your own stories. You can also bring a CD or iPod with songs from her childhood. If your mom liked to paint, write letters, or participate in any other hobbies, see if the staff can accommodate a short session. Other ideas include doing your mom's nails, arranging for a haircut or hand massage, or bringing by a bouquet of her favorite flowers.

5. Be flexible

In many cases, your mom won't understand the importance of Mother's Day, and setting expectations for a perfect day will lead to disappointment. If things don't go well, it's okay to cut the visit short or ask for help.

"Try to enjoy an activity with your mother by trying not to correct her, but go along in the world she is experiencing at the moment," said Sorensen. "This can make her feel more at ease and not confused."

Your relationship with your mother has most likely changed, and it's okay to feel sad or even angry about the expectations Mother's Day brings. "Remember that your mother is still in there," Jenkins said. "She still has all the talents, abilities, personality, love and devotion that she ever had. She just can't access them all right now. She may not remember your name or even who you are, but her soul remembers and loves you."

In all the expectation and commotion of Mother's Day, do not forget to be gentle with yourself and take care of any needs you have as well. Whether or not you have anything special planned, or just let a simple phone call suffice, your love for her is not diminished.

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25 questions to ask your grandpa before it’s too late https://www.familytoday.com/self-care/25-questions-to-ask-your-grandpa-before-its-too-late/ Thu, 24 Mar 2016 06:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/25-questions-to-ask-your-grandpa-before-its-too-late/ Getting to know your grandpa now not only preserves his stories and memories for future generations, but also solidifies your…

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When a loved one passes away, it's not just their presence you miss. Along with their smile, their kindness, generosity and voice, the individual stories and memories that make up that individual are lost as well. With all the ways that currently exist to record and preserve memories, don't wait until it's too late to record the important information your grandfather has to share.

A study found that "the more children knew about their family's history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned."

To get the best information, and maybe even some new stories you've never heard, you will find the more specific the questions, the better.

Here is a list of questions to ask your grandpa the next time you visit.

Childhood

Little details about the past and how children played are a piece of history. With the changing generations, technology, and other factors, you might find your grandfather had a completely different childhood than you. Then again, some things never change.

1. What games were popular when you were a kid?

2. Tell me about your best friend growing up? Have you kept in touch? What was special about this person?

3. Do you remember any particular sadness in your growing up years? Were there any tragedies or events that shaped you?

4. What types of things did you do as a kid that kids of the newer generation don't do anymore (paper route, etc.)?

5. What is the fondest memory you have of your mother and father? Grandfathers and grandmothers?

Jobs and hobbies

Information about your grandpa's career, jobs, and hobbies can give you an idea of how they spent their time. But, if you find that they are lonely or feeling bored, knowing what activities they found joy in can give you ideas for activities you participate in with them today.

6. What was your first job? What did you like about it? What did you hate about it? Any stories from that job that stand out to you?

7. Did you go to college? What did you study? Did you graduate? Any stories about college friends, professors, or trips?

8. What hobbies have you had that brought you joy? Did you collect anything (stamps, rocks, coins, etc.)?

9. Did you enjoy reading, writing, or creating art? What was the first book you can remember loving?

10. As a child, what were your career aspirations? Did those change as you got older? Why?

Family and friends

11. Have you asked your parents or grandparents how they met or what their courtship was like? Stories and memories of dating can inspire sweet and funny memories.

"From the day my grandparents met, and throughout their entire courtship, my grandfather wrote a letter to my grandma expressing his love for her," said Kellyn Brandt, administrative assistant at Sea Cliff Healthcare Center. "It wasn't until my grandfather passed that I learned about this, and it made me think about all the questions I could have asked him. Since then I've been hounding my grandmother for every detail about their love life."

12. (If married) How did you and your spouse meet? What were your other dating experiences like? How did you know your spouse was the one to marry?

13. As an adult, did you have any close friends who you've kept in touch with? Think about the friends who influenced your life and why they were important to you.

14. Name one thing about each of your kids (if you have them) that stuck out to you as they were growing up.

15. Name something about raising children that changed from your first child to your last.

Places you've lived

While your grandfather may have lived his life in the same home as his parents, there may be details you didn't know or expect. Learn about their travels and experiences both at home and away.

16. What do you remember about your childhood home? Where did you grow up, and where do you consider your hometown?

17. Did you ever move? What were your feelings when you moved? How many different places did you live?

18. Name each place you lived and one memory of each place that shaped your life?

19. Of all the places you've lived, which was your favorite? Which was the saddest?

20. Where would you have liked to live but never got there?

Looking forward

21. How do you want your family and friends to remember you? Of all the ways people could describe you, what words or thoughts would you like to leave with them?

22. What are you most proud of in your life? Any relationship or professional achievements?

23. How has your faith or spirituality changed throughout your life? Where did you start, and where are you now?

24. Was there any experience or event in your life that you didn't think you would make it through? How did you persevere, and what did that experience teach you?

25. What was the kindest thing you've done for someone else?

Speaking with your loved ones about their lives is a way to record the pieces of your family history that live only with them. Beyond the record that these conversations create, talking to your grandpa will strengthen a relationship with him now, and you'll have plenty of stories to share with your children. And that's enough reason to pick up the phone or drive over and connect now.

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5 tips to introduce your child to the world of literature https://www.familytoday.com/family/5-tips-to-introduce-your-child-to-the-world-of-literature/ Fri, 23 Oct 2015 06:30:01 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-tips-to-introduce-your-child-to-the-world-of-literature/ Set your child up for a lifetime of success with these tips on introducing your child to the world of…

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All parents know reading is important. It's one of the core parts of our children's education, and children who read at home do better in school. However, for many parents, the idea of reading to their children every day or teaching literacy seems time-consuming and can even feel like a chore. Reading doesn't have to be time consuming or boring.

Plus, literacy doesn't just mean books. There are many ways to get even very young children interested in literature. These activities not only strengthen those skills they'll need once they get into Kindergarten, but they'll also strengthen the bond between children and their caregivers.

Storytelling is one of the fundamental ways we communicate with each other, and it's a gift your children will cherish for years to come. Read on for 5 tips on how to introduce your kids to the wonderful world of literature:

1. Start at the local library

Libraries are more than just places to check-out books. Of course, you can check-out a book, or let your children pick out their own, but where libraries really pay off is in programming. Librarians are a wealth of information and can provide recommendations through booklists or personalized recommendations at the reference desk. For even younger children, many libraries have story time, puppet shows, and other interactive events where children can hear and see stories.

2. Don't stop at print material

For some children, reading words can be difficult. This is true for children with autism, dyslexia, or any other learning disability that makes it hard to process written information. Many of these children become discouraged and turned off to reading. Look to audiobooks, ebooks, or even graphic novels to get even reluctant readers engaged.

Audiobooks often have professional narrators who really bring a story to life. Ebooks, such as the ones found on the Reading Rainbow app, can be read to children as well, allowing them to follow along with the words. Graphic novels show a story in pictures with a few words or dialogue tags. Some parents and even teachers think these types of books don't count as reading, but we think they absolutely do. It's a way to launch reluctant readers into reading and comprehending stories, and if it's what your child wants to read, definitely encourage it.

3. Read to your children, even if they can read by themselves

This isn't a groundbreaking concept, but it requires some effort. The best way to introduce children to literature is to read and discuss books with them. Starting with picture books, try reading a few minutes before bed. When children are older and reading on their own, use this time to read some of your favorites aloud to them.

My dad read us books such as Huckleberry Finn, A Wrinkle in Time, The Hobbit, Treasure Island, and many others. These books were advanced for school-aged children, but having an adult narrator made them accessible for even young readers.

4. Model good reading behavior

Make reading a priority in your own life. A recent Pew study found that half of adults read fewer than five books in the last year. Again, the same rules about format apply here. Whether you are reading a book in print, on a Kindle or iPad, or listening to an audiobook, you are showing your children that reading can be fun for adults as well. While you're reading, talk to your kids about what they too are reading.

5. Let your kids pick their reading material

It's fine to suggest books to your children, but part of reading and literature is exploring what works for each individual reader. It can be tempting to screen reading material for content and to shield younger readers from mature themes. However, young readers are smart and know how to put down a book they don't like or don't feel comfortable with.

Encourage your children to talk to you about what they are reading and to trust their instincts with a book. But, allowing children to read material that is difficult allows them to get the most out of their books and to become more empathetic, compassionate, and intelligent individuals.

There's no magic bullet for reading with children. But the stories they read about in childhood will be some of the most important lessons of their lives.

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