Tracy East – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com Here today, better tomorrow. Fri, 20 Aug 2021 18:49:56 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.8.3 https://wp-media.familytoday.com/2020/03/favicon.ico Tracy East – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com 32 32 5 tips for avoiding financial infidelity https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/5-tips-for-avoiding-financial-infidelity/ Fri, 18 Nov 2016 14:49:16 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-tips-for-avoiding-financial-infidelity/ Money and love can be tricky.

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A recent poll found that two in five Americans admit to committing "financial infidelity" against their romantic partner. 39% surveyed disclosed that they have hidden a purchase, bill, bank account or cash. Surprisingly, 16% admit that they have engaged in more serious deception such as lying about their income or debt.

When it comes to sharing finances with your partner, is hiding details about spending the same as lying? This question reminds me of an anxious middle schooler on the day report cards are sent home. When parents ask, "How are your grades?" the student quickly responds, "I got three A's and two B's" while excluding the C- received in math. Sooner or later, parents always find out the truth, and the "selective omission" never stays hidden for long.

The fine line of finances and relationships

Financial infidelity occurs "when couples with combined finances lie to each other about money." But to some, it isn't quite so easy to define. One couple may decide that hiding accounts and lying about income or debts is a serious breach of the relationship, while others think that some degree of secret spending does not violate trust.

What works for you and your spouse needs to be discussed openly. A couple who agrees to completely merge their finances may have one set of expectations, while there may be a completely different set of expectations in relationships where finances are completely or partially separate.

Is hiding purchases, accounts or financial decisions dangerous or harmful for a relationship? Your opinion may differ, but I can make a clear argument that anything deliberately kept secret is probably not healthy for the relationship. Chances are, if you feel the need to keep it on the down-low, there's a reason why you don't feel comfortable telling your spouse.

While the majority of people in a romantic relationship believe that secret accounts or spending is unacceptable, many continue to hide financial details from their partners.

So where do we draw the line for the health of our romantic relationships? Is hiding the same as lying?

Let's be honest, who hasn't spent more money than was wise without talking to their spouse first? Most relationships can weather through an occassional slip up. What spells trouble, however, are the significant betrayals. In most cases, an ill-timed shopping spree of a couple hundred dollars is simply not seen as a violation of trust in the same way that lying about a secret credit card or savings account is.

5 tips to help you avoid financial infidelity

We don't enter into relationships with the intention of sabotaging them, but our behavior can sometimes undermine our best efforts. If you want to avoid the stress of financial infidelity, here are five tips to keep you on track:

Communicate expectations early on

I'm not suggesting that you tackle this topic when you first start dating, but if you are committed enough to move toward marriage, it's time to have this talk. Agree together on a budget and spending priorities. Disclose all accounts, debts and investments up front so there is no temptation to hide them down the road.

Determine what level of spending is acceptable

Many couples find it helpful to have a personal allowance or spending threshold that each partner can use at their discretion.

Practice transparency

Hiding erodes trust. It's fine not to communicate everything you spend your money on, as long as you aren't deliberately hiding details. If you feel the need to hide, it might be time to think about why you want to keep secrets.

Have mutual financial goals

Goals are vital to financial success, but they won't help in a relationship if the goals are not shared by both parties. Do you and your partner have the same financial goals? It might be a good time to decide on what those should be.

Recognize your spending triggers

Whether it's boredom, loneliness, stress or addiction, there are triggers that can cause us to make unwise decisions. Figure out what triggers you to spend money impulsively so you can actively manage that behavior.

Deciding to be faithful to your spouse means being honest in your finances. Don't let financial fidelity pull you apart - your partner and your budget will thank you!

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6 irreplaceable gifts your daughter wants from her mom https://www.familytoday.com/family/6-irreplaceable-gifts-your-daughter-wants-from-her-mom/ Fri, 29 Jul 2016 16:24:46 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/6-irreplaceable-gifts-your-daughter-wants-from-her-mom/ Only you can give your daughter these six gifts. She may not know their value now, but someday she will.

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If you are a mother to daughters, I hope you already know what a privilege it is to shape future generations of women! While it's easy to get caught up with the everyday errands and chores of raising girls, don't lose sight of your influence. You have the chance to raise incredible women who will do incredible things.

With that in mind, I've created a list of 6 irreplaceable gifts that you can give to your daughter.

1. A record of your life

If you don't think your daughter wants to know your inner thoughts, I can assure you, she does (or will someday). Good or bad, mothers are an examples of what it means to be a woman. Girls learn about the world, about love and marriage, and about raising children from their mothers.

I'm the mother of two 13-year-old girls. One of them was adopted at the age of eight after being in the foster care system for several years. My daughter longs to know her mother's story. She may not know details about her birth mother, but I'm working to make sure she will know my story.

Whether you journal, scrapbook, record spoken words or videos, share your story with your daughters.

2. Acceptance and connections

Whether your daughter is two or 42, she wants to know that you are a safe place. Love and acceptance of who your daughter is (not who you want her to be) is a tremendous gift only a mother can give. This type of acceptance will not only grow her character, but will strengthen her confidence.

Maintain connection with your daughter - even when she frustrates you. That strong connection creates a friendship that can't be found in any other relationship.

3. Assurance of her worth and beauty

Our girls learn quickly that the world will judge them. They learn that character matters far less than physical appearance to many people. As moms, we can teach them about true beauty. We need to teach our daughters that outside beauty can't compare to the beauty of a woman who is filled with joy and knows her worth. The world will constantly try to tell our daughters that they aren't enough; empower her with a firm belief that she will always be enough, no matter what someone else tries to make her believe.

4. Permission to fail, gracefully

When our daughters are young, we tend to want to help them succeed, rather than fail. As mothers, we need to understand that it is crucial that our daughters learn how to fail, and move on with grace. Your little girl needs your permission to not be perfect. She needs to know that it's OK to make mistakes. Give her help when she truly needs it, but give her the gift of letting her fail once and awhile. Let her know that you believe in her no matter what, and then cheer her on to her next success.

5. Lessons about independence

It is easy to get caught in the trap of doing things for our kids because it is easier or because we love them and want them to "enjoy just being a kid." Childhood is a time filled with fun and adventure, but it is also the only training ground they get for life in the real world as an adult.

Teach your daughter how to care for herself, her home, her money, and her education. Teach her to create a household budget, interview for a job, keep a clean home, and manage a checking account. Show her how to balance her work and home life. You can do all these things while still allowing her to enjoy childhood.

Give her the gift of doing things the right way, instead of learning it all the hard way.

6. The power of legacy

At the end of your life, how you loved is the legacy you will leave behind. Teach your daughter that this is a legacy that is worth her time and effort. Help her learn to love well, to value people over things, and to give the gift of her time and gifts. Teach her that people are always more valuable than things, than work or even being right.

Show her by example that when you get the chance to honor someone with your time and attention, it is a worthwhile investment.

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10 super effective ways to tame a grumpy wife https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/10-super-effective-ways-to-tame-a-grumpy-wife/ Wed, 20 Jul 2016 06:30:01 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/10-super-effective-ways-to-tame-a-grumpy-wife/ If you've been a victim of "Grumpy Wife Syndrome," here 10 sure-fire ways to turn that negative attitude around and…

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If you are married currently or have been married in the past, chances are you've run across what I like to call "GWS," or Grumpy Wife Syndrome. I'll admit; I've been the grumpy wife on more than one occasion. It's easy to get grumpy when things go wrong or when your feelings are hurt.

Most recently, I had a case of GWS when I felt like my husband wasn't including me on budget and money decisions related to our finances (money issues can be a trigger for GWS). We worked through that tiff, but it got me thinking about how I was a little unreasonable and salty in the wake of the "discussion." It took a bit of effort on the part of my husband to help me recover and become the happy, calm wife he knows and loves.

In the wake of that discussion, I did a little informal poll on Facebook and asked: "What's the best way to tame a grumpy wife?" I got a lot of great suggestions from both husbands and wives.

Here are my favorites:

1. "Hand her a glass of her favorite beverage, along with the remote, and tiptoe away quietly."

This works because it acknowledges that she needs some alone time and space to calm down while not making her feel bad for needing it. I give this suggestion an A+!

2. "Fill up the bathtub using some scented bath soap, light a candle, turn down the lights and go away. Offer to stay and talk while she relaxes if that's what she wants instead."

This suggestion takes it up a notch from #1. Again, it validates her feelings and gives her space, while also creating a soothing environment to facilitate calm. Bonus points for offering to stay and talk if she wants it!

3. "Send her out of the house on her own with some money that she can spend on herself."

Most wives I've met would love this suggestion! Time away from the pressures of home and family, and permission to splurge a bit is a recipe for a calmer attitude. Just be sure that the money is in your budget and won't cause conflict about spending later on!

4. "Give her a backrub."

This suggestion is likely to work for many wives. Non-sexual physical affection can be both soothing and reassuring. Make sure the backrub has no strings attached for best impact!

5. "Take her out to dinner and listen to everything she says."

This wins on several levels. First, a meal out and no pressure to cook can be music to a grumpy wife's ears! Secondly, a listening ear can be just the right medicine to turn a negative attitude around. Let her talk uninterrupted, without judgement or trying to fix it and you are sure to find that her emotions turn around quickly.

6. "A strong hug and an 'I am sorry you are having a bad day' can change everything!"

You don't have to be extravagant or spend hours to make your wife feel better. Sometimes a simple hug and acknowledgement of her emotions is the perfect antidote for what's bothering her.

7. "Be kind to her. Sometimes I just need to hear some kind and gentle words even if my grumpy behavior hasn't earned them."

Husbands, your words are important! If you are willing to offer gentle responses and kindness even when your wife is acting grouchy, she will take notice and is likely to soften.

8. "Bring home one of her favorites (cheesecake, favorite dinner, Starbucks, etc), then let her vent while you nod and say affirming things."

Small gestures can have a big impact. Remembering a favorite that your wife enjoys and bringing it to her shows her you care about her, even when she isn't perfect. Listening and affirming combined with a small token will surely soothe her frayed edges!

9. "Don't defend yourself or respond with grumpiness back. Try to make her laugh instead."

This one is tough but important. A grumpy response from you, when she is in a bad emotional place, can be like pouring gasoline on a fire. Try to remember that you love this woman and she loves you. Treat her exactly the way you would want to be treated when you are irritable and you won't go wrong. Bonus points if you can make her laugh - that chases away the grumpiest attitudes as fast as anything I've seen!

10. "Flowers can fix a whole lot of everything."

Flowers are a cliché for a reason guys! It's because, by and large, women melt when their men bring them flowers. Sending flowers for no reason at all, or simply because you love her are the very best kind of flowers. I've never met a woman who will stay grumpy in the face of such a warm and loving gesture.

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9 must-try ideas for epic stay-at-home dates https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/9-must-try-ideas-for-epic-stay-at-home-dates/ Mon, 18 Apr 2016 06:35:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/9-must-try-ideas-for-epic-stay-at-home-dates/ Build intimacy, enhance your relationship and have a blast with these at-home dates.

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Quality time with your spouse is vital to your relationship. Time away from kids and responsibilities revitalizes your marriage, reconnects you and reminds you why you first fell in love. Many invest time and money in regular date nights for just these reasons.

But sometimes going out isn't an option. Perhaps you have young children and can't find reliable childcare or your budget is tight and dinner and a movie out is not possible.

However, if you think the only dates that count are those that involve time away from home and lots of cash, think again.

Here are 10 creative and affordable stay-at-home dates anyone can do.

1. Eat a picnic by candlelight

3rd Anniversary 🙂 #candlelightpicnic

A photo posted by Erica Edge de Guzman (@itsericaedge) on

Planning a simple candlelight picnic is a wonderful way to reconnect. Put your kids to bed a bit early and save dinner for after they are tucked away.

Get creative - almost any room in the house will do. Rotate through the bedroom, livingroom, backyard, porch and car; all are great spots for yummy food, candles, a blanket and pillows.

Talk and enjoy each other's company, and you won't even realize you are not in a crowded restaurant.

2. Read poetry

Poetry isn't just for high school English class. Revisit some of your favorite romance poetry for inspiration. Check out books from the library or find poems online. Pick poems that move you or remind you of each other and read them out loud while you snack on your favorite treat.

Or, for a sweet twist, write love letters to each other and read those out loud.

Even if it feels a little awkward at first, you will find a groove and the meaningful conversation that follows will be worth it.

3. Cook a meal together

Happy Valentine's day! #valentinesday #kimbap

A photo posted by The Piquey Eater (Katherine C) (@piqueyeater) on

If you have kids, feed them a simple dinner and tuck them into bed or let them watch a movie.

Choose a recipe you've never made and prepare it together. This will take a bit of planning to make sure you have the right ingredients, but the simple joy of cooking something delicious together is a great bonding experience.

Make a habit of it. Select a different cuisine each week or month, or work your way through a cookbook you choose together. Whatever you decide, add the delight of teamwork and creativity to your relationship.

In the end, you will feed both your soul and your body.

4. Share a hobby

Baby, you paint my world. #Godpaintedyouforme #paintdate #islandartparty #yelpmaui

A photo posted by Huali (@ms.huali) on

Many couples do not spend enough time cultivating shared interests. It's important to have things you can do together that bring joy to you both.

The sky is the limit. Whether it is solving crossword puzzles, creating a scrapbook of your relationship, rebuilding a car together or researching genealogy, pick the activity together and share it with each other.

When you have a shared hobby, any ordinary day can turn into an opportunity for a date.

5. Read a book

Pick a book that is interesting to you both. Take turns once a week reading a chapter out loud to each other. Afterward, discuss it. You can even pair this date with the picnic idea suggested earlier.

This is another unique way to open up a meaningful conversation and reconnect.

6. Plan themed dates

Would you do this as a romantic gesture for your special someone? #Mushymakeoutmondays #CarDate #RomanticDateIdea

A photo posted by Khadine "Miss Kitty" Hylton (@fluffymisskitty) on

Pick a theme and match everything in the date to it.

Say your theme is "casino." Serve finger-foods and a few fun mixed drinks. Play a couple of rounds of cards together and end the night with a flick such as "Ocean's Eleven."

Play up the fun and do a bit of decorating to make it even more special. There are so many creative ideas you could do - you could have a differently themed date every month.

For an added twist, take turns planning these themed dates to surprise each other.

7. Record your love story

This is such a sweet activity to do together, and it will be a keepsake you will both treasure, guaranteed.

It can be a scrapbook you work on together, a written account you both contribute to or a video where you interview each other and include pictures.

The goal is to remember your story and get creative making it last for future generations to enjoy.

8. Recreate your wedding day

This makes a fantastic anniversary date. Sit close together and watch your wedding video. Go through your wedding album or photos. Search online ahead of time for recipes you can use to re-create your wedding meal and cake.

Top off the evening with romantic slow dancing and be sure to include a dance to your special song.

9. Do a scavenger hunt

Create a list of items to find (the more outrageous and silly, the better). Together, search the listed items and take pictures with them for a photo album.

Be playful, be spontaneous and bring out your inner-child. You will probably laugh a lot on this date. Fun is a tried and proven way to bond.

Are your creative wheels turning? With a bit of thought, a small amount of effort and some intentional time, you can plan romantic, playful and intimate at-home dates that will enhance your relationship without the need for childcare or excess spending.

Make dating your love a priority - you will never regret the investment.

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Saying “I do” without debt https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/saying-i-do-without-debt/ Fri, 25 Mar 2016 06:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/saying-i-do-without-debt/ Say "I do" to your groom on your wedding day, not to debt. It is completely possible to have the…

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A designer gown, gorgeous flowers, candles on every table, the biggest cake you've ever seen, and a steep price tag. That's right, wedding season is almost here, and recent reports indicate that the average wedding now costs upwards of $26,000. But a wedding that costs more than a new car just isn't realistic for many couples.

Do all of your dreams for a beautiful wedding need to be sacrificed if you need to stick to a budget for your big day? Not at all!

The big expenses and how to cut costs

1. The Dress is one of the larger expenses for many weddings. There are several options to save here:

  • Consider a pre-owned dress.

Websites like preownedweddingdresses.com connect brides-to-be with newlyweds who want to make a few dollars off their worn-once dresses (in some cases, the dresses were never worn at all). Dresses are listed for anywhere from 30%-80% off retail, so this is a fantastic way to save hundreds or maybe even thousands of dollars.

  • Another option is to rent a dress. Websites like rentaweddingdress.com allow you to have a perfect dress for your big day without the big expense of purchasing your dream dress. If you're not keen on walking down the aisle in a dress worn by someone else, try looking at online boutiques to find the dress of your dreams. You can find a new one for much cheaper online than in-store. It never hurts to research all of your options!

2. The Guest List and Venue can quickly drive up wedding costs. Items like extra food, drink, and party favor to cover a larger crowd are pricey, not to mention the need for a larger venue or extra décor. It can all cause your budget to balloon quickly. Instead try these money-saving tips:

  • Invite your closest friends and family only.

Maybe you'd love to have all your coworkers, neighbors, and casual acquaintances celebrate with you, but a more intimate ceremony can be lovely and is a much cheaper way to go. If you want to celebrate with everyone else, consider hosting a more casual reception/ party at your home sometime after the wedding.

  • Instead of renting out an expensive banquet hall, look into less expensive options for the reception. Perhaps your parents or a relative have a large backyard where the reception could be held. Maybe there is a beautiful park nearby. A church hall that is nicely appointed can be a cost-saving option.

  • The cost of a sit-down dinner can be high, and will grow with each guest you add to your list. Have you thought about serving hors d'oeuvres only? It will decrease the cost of the reception by quite a bit, but your guests will still have enough food that they won't go hungry. You may have to shift the time of your reception so it isn't held during lunch or dinner, but you can save a bundle while still having and elegant and memorable reception.

  • If you plan to serve alcohol at your reception, ask the venue if you can provide it yourself. If allowed, you can purchase enough beer and wine for your guests in bulk from Sam's Club or Costco. Buying it yourself, instead of buying it at a marked-up rate from the venue, will help you stick to your budget. You will still have to pay for the bartender to open and serve the bottle, and you'll be saving a lot. If alcohol isn't in the budget, let your guests buy their own from the venue and consider a simple, less expensive wine or champagne toast.

  • Don't spend a fortune on decor. Discount stores often have great wedding decorations or favors, and craft stores typically sell wedding items at a fair price as well. A little bit of crafty know-how and some willing hands to DIY can save you a lot of money in the end. Don't be shy about checking out websites that let brides sell decorations or other gently used (good condition) items as well. A few Google searches can often yield just what you're looking for.

3. Photography can be a big expense, but who can blame a couple for wanting to have beautiful images of their happy day to cherish for years to come? Here are tips to pick the right photographer:

  • Wedding photography is a big business with a big price-tag, but an investment of time in searching can yield an amateur photographer trying to make it big. Look for a photography student or someone with a new business looking to build his or her portfolio.

Photographers without a lot of experience will often agree to do weddings or other events for a much smaller fee in exchange for using the photos to add to his or her portfolio. Just be sure you like the work he or she has already done and don't be afraid to ask for references from any other previous clients.

4. The Honeymoon is another major wedding expense. It is important to remember that while the time away as a couple is important and needed after the wedding, where you go is less important than quality time together. You don't have to spend big bucks to make memories of this important milestone

  • If you want to go somewhere exotic or expensive, you can register for a honeymoon fund instead of a traditional gift registry. For one wedding I attended, the couple had a honeymoon registry through their resort that listed several activities they wanted to do on their honeymoon (like scuba diving or zip lining). Guests could pay for any of those activities in lieu of a gift on the wedding day, and the bride and groom didn't have to shell out as much for activities on the trip.

  • There are many less-expensive options for traveling on a honeymoon. Consider staying within driving distance to cut down on travel expenses. When you don't have to fly or rent a car, you will have more money to spend on lodging, food and activities. State parks offer some excellent options for destinations and even lodging at attractive price-points. Consider using travel discount sites like Groupon for deals (just be sure to read the fine print). Above all - enjoy your time as a couple. Some of the best memories can be made when you get creative and find ways to be romantic that are budget-friendly.

If you are planning a wedding and looking to keep the costs low, rest assured, it can be done. Why not give yourself the gift of not starting your new life together hindered by the burden of owing money?

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