This past weekend, I was talking with a very close friend of mine, and as I listened to the trials she's facing in her marriage, I honestly wasn't sure what my advice should be. It's so easy to look at someone's situation from the outside and say, "But you love each other. Isn't it worth one last shot?" And it's even easier to say, "The guy's a jerk. Throw him out!"

My friend's suffering has become too much, and she has reached that place where she feels the only option is to leave the marriage. Otherwise, she may never get over the pain, the betrayal, the dishonesty she has experienced. Several friends and family members are aware of her situation, creating a whole different level of complication.

So, at what point in a marriage is it too late to begin again? I like to say the answer is different for everyone. There are many factors to consider, but one of the first considerations is: do you still love each other? Sometimes, when two people love each other, they can make miracles happen.

If you are struggling and find yourself at that "point of no return," here are some ideas to consider.

• While you will want to seek advice from some trusted individuals, only you and your spouse know the whole story, and only the two of you should make decisions regarding your relationship.

• Be methodical about your decision-making process. Write down feelings and make lists so you can study things out.

• Take your time and don't rush into anything.

• Put your anger and hurt aside, and work hard to have deep conversations with your spouse so you can get to the root of issues that created your mess.

• Be open and honest in discussions with your spouse so you can make informed decisions about what you both think is the best solution.

Even if you and your spouse decide divorce is inevitable, divorce can be done kindly. I know this from experience, and it's a lot better for everyone's well-being if two mature people can amicably agree to let each other go on with their lives. You will be happier, your children will be happier, and your world will end up being a better place.

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Afterwards when talking with my friend, she said her daughter had been going to church with her grandparents and absolutely loves it. That little girl is now working on getting her parents to come back to church.

I was overcome that day with so much emotion. It made me look at some circumstances in my own life, and I realized most people do continually progress in their lives, and they do, sometimes, change their way of thinking. Itʼs amazing how people we love can have an influence on the things we do and it made me think about some things we can all do if we have children, spouses, siblings or even parents who need a little guidance from time to time:

Love them no matter what.

It doesnʼt mean you will change them, but it does mean you will have an impact if they feel a genuine love from you and the other people who are most important to them.

Donʼt judge them.

None of us like the way that feels, and I have learned over the course of my life that just because someone has made a bad decision today or found themselves twirling downward because of some attitude problems, it doesnʼt mean they will remain that way for the rest of their life. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

Stand your ground.

Yes, we should love and respect all people, but that doesnʼt mean we have to accept their attitudes or actions and give them permission to do things that are hurtful or harmful just because they think itʼs OK. We can love people without giving them our approval.

Life is a journey.

We all have to find our way in this life, and we all have to figure out who we are and what is important to us. That takes time. We all know people who seem to have it together their entire life and never waiver on what they believe or what they think. But that is rare. Most of us have to go through a lot of heartache to figure out our true path.

Life is full of opportunities for change. I like to think most people are good, and I believe good people are constantly trying to be better. I personally think it would be so much easier to progress in this life if we were all cheering for each other and encouraging each other.

Think about how much sweeter your life would be if everyone you came in contact with showed you genuine love and respect and made you feel special. Now, go out and be that person and watch the impact you will have.

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Fall is my favorite time of the year. Besides the cooler temperatures and beautiful fall colors in the mountains, I love what it represents - the holidays are coming, family time is more prevalent, I get to make soup for dinner more often than not, it's time to turn the fireplaces on and bring out the blankets, and it's by far the best time of the year for driving around in my convertible PT Cruiser with the top down. I tell myself it is good for my soul. It makes me feel happy and alive. And if it's too cold for the top to be down, I put it down anyway and blast the heater. I know there are others of you out there who do the very same thing!

I believe whatever it is that makes us happy - the small pleasures in particular - is what we should do on a regular basis. Life can be full of challenges and trials, heartache and sadness, hard work and stress. We have to take control of our own happiness and involve ourselves in things that bring us joy. We need to feed our own souls and look for those little things that make us tick. And while we're at it, I think we should help our family members do the same.

Make a list right now of the things you would do more often if you had time - and then MAKE the time and start doing them now. Here is a short list to get you started:

• Do something creative - attack a difficult recipe or make some clever Christmas ornaments;

• Play with your pets - put on a warm sweater and take them for a walk or to a dog park;

• Get in your cozy robe and sit by the fire and paint your toenails;

• Stay in bed a few extra minutes in the morning and listen to the birds chirping outside your window;

• Plan a pie-making party with some of your friends.

I decided a few years ago to begin making the holiday season less stressful and more meaningful. I stopped giving such expensive gifts and started focusing more on enjoying this time of the year and helping others enjoy it as well.

I would rather spend time having lunch with my friends, having parties with my family, and attending events that instill the spirit into my soul, rather than spend my time shopping, paying bills and worrying about what to buy for everyone.

Take this special time to begin making a change. Focus on becoming healthier and happier - whatever that means for you personally. Those around you will benefit greatly too. And once the New Year hits, you'll be prepared to continue moving forward with more ideas that will help you nourish your soul. Make it an on-going activity. Always be searching for new experiences in life and ways to enjoy being alive. When you feel nourished - body AND soul - you will be available for yourself and others to love, to serve and to make life better. Get going on your list!

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It can be very difficult to find time together when the kids are home from school all summer and keeping you busy watching over their social activities. So when the moment presents itself, take advantage. And the rest of the time - get creative.

When the kids are out with their friends one evening, use it as an excuse to leave the house for a couple of hours and eat at your favorite restaurant or go for a walk together. If you find yourself home alone during the day because of some extended activity your kids are involved in, call your husband and ask him to come home for lunch.

• Lucky enough to have your kids at summer camp for a few days? Try to work in a quick getaway even if it's close to home.

• Tell the kids you're running out for an hour - go park the car somewhere and talk.

• Sit out on the porch together when the kids are busy with other things inside the house.

• Kids have friends over for a slumber party? There's no rule that says you can't leave the rest of the house to the kids and jump in bed early in the evening and watch a movie together.

I crave time alone with my husband just as I crave time to myself sometimes. It can be difficult to arrange either one at times, but if it's important to you, figure out ways to fit it in. It will always be worth the extra effort, and your kids will probably appreciate the fact that they have happy, healthy parents who have a life outside of them.

Watch for your kids to do something unexpected that leaves you with a little hole in your schedule. If you and your spouse are in the same frame of mind, you just may find that summers are actually the perfect time for a little romance. Whatever you do, don't let it pass you by.

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Too often, we just simply survive our summers with the kids at home. This year, instead of just trying to make the best of it, take advantage of that precious time.

Looking back, my greatest family memories are our summer vacations and outings together as a family. We went to Disneyland for the first time when I was 10, and I still think about that trip. We did a lot of things we'd never done before and saw a lot of places we'd never seen. Our car overheated on the trip, and we ended up lost one night and wound up in a city that was nowhere near our hotel - but those are the things we still laugh at together as a family to this day.

So make a promise to yourself right now that you're going to sit down with the family tonight and make a plan so that everyone can set their calendars and get on board with the idea.

Here are some guidelines to get you started:

A week

Set aside one week and plan something big - a real family vacation - even if you just go camping. Decide as a family what everyone thinks sounds fun and go with it. Now make the calls and get it set in stone.

A weekend

Think of one weekend activity you can do as a family where no one has to take time off work to accomplish it. Maybe you go to a nearby resort town and stay overnight, or maybe you just spend an entire Saturday hiking. What about setting up a tent in your backyard for a 4th of July family sleep out? Do whatever makes your family happy, but devote the entire weekend to it.

A day

Pick two or three activities that don't require a lot of time, but that the family will look forward to. Go to the zoo, the pool, or for a bike ride. When was the last time you all went on a picnic? Get ice cream and go to the park. Take advantage of the weather and get outdoors and enjoy each other's company.

Write it down

Now write everything down on the calendar and involve everyone in the planning and execution of each activity.

I promise, if you follow this plan, your family will thrive. The kids will be happier and much more cooperative about the things that need to get done before school starts in the fall. They'll be more excited to go back to school when it's time because they just had a fabulous summer.

Don't miss the opportunity to bond with your kids and do some things they'll remember forever. Decide now to get your plan in place, and have fun.

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I once had a friend say to me, "It takes more energy every day to make my second marriage work than it would have taken to just fix what was wrong in my first marriage."�

That statement stopped me dead in my tracks.

I realized that so many of us in second and third marriages feel the same way. It isn't that the new marriage is necessarily a bad marriage, it's just that marriage has now become much harder than it has to be. Why? Well, let's name a few possible reasons. His kids, your kids, his ex-wife, your ex-husband, all the ex-in-laws (didn't think of that one did you), the two households being merged, the child support going out, no child support coming in, whose furniture stays and whose goes, differences of opinion about money, different rules for kids, even the family pet can become an issue, for heaven's sake!

Wouldn't it be great if couples would actually work through the difficulties they are having, no matter how serious they are, and keep that first marriage together? In a perfect world, right?

Too many of us leave our marriages for reasons that later have us asking ourselves, "What was I thinking?"� So, if you're considering divorce, or you know someone who is, here are three suggestions that will help you begin putting things into perspective and start thinking through things logically.

1. Write down the pros and cons

Find a quiet place where you can think. Take a notepad with you and write your thoughts down. Ask yourself hard questions like, "How will my life change if I end this marriage?"� "Am I still in love with my husband?"� "Am I leaving for selfish reasons?"� "Will I be better off?"� "How are my children going to be affected by this decision?"�

2. Learn from others' experience

Take a long, hard look at some of the people you know who left their first marriages. Just observe. Look at things like their attitude, their money situation, their children, their circumstances, their relationship with the new spouse and their stress level. Watch and listen, and pay attention to the details.

3. Talk it over

Talk to someone you trust whether it be a parent, a close friend, a counselor or maybe someone who has experienced a divorce. Listen to their advice and consider how it might help you in your decision.

While, in the end, some will come to the conclusion that divorce is most definitely the answer, many may come to realize that there are many things about their marriage that are worth staying for. If we can focus on the good and fight for that, maybe the bad won't seem so overwhelming.

There are many second and third marriages that are successful for different reasons, and all of those people will tell you it has taken so much work. Why not work on fixing what's wrong the first time around, and see if you can use all that extra energy doing something you love?

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Mother's Day is approaching and we all look for ways to celebrate the wonderful memories and relationships we hold with all of the motherly figures in our lives. It's one of, if not, the busiest time of year for florists, candy stores, and greeting card makers. Why is it that Mother's Day causes us to search for the perfect gift of appreciation, or at least run to the flower store minutes before closing? It's because the influence of our mothers lasts forever. We think of our mothers every day, whether we actually speak to them, look back on a fond memory or, let's face it, talk about them in therapy.

Like any daughter, my relationship with my mom has had highs and lows. While the details may be different in your relationship, the experience is the same. When you're little you love dressing up in your workout outfit, complete with leg warmers, and going to the step aerobics class your mom teaches. Oh, was that just me? When you're a teenager you think your mom is the worst for many immature and shallow reasons. When you're older, married, figuring out life, she's a source of wisdom and support.

As life goes on you realize just how much of your daily life is influenced by the things your mom said, did and taught. There are four major areas of influence you have over your children. These are the things that follow your children and help shape who they will become. Moms, you have permanently set up shop in your children's heads. Make sure it will pass a mental health inspection.

How you treat other people

This does not just include the people that are close to you. This means everyone. The way your child sees you interact with a total stranger will teach them what is acceptable. If they see you smile at people on the street, they will do the same. If they see you be rude to a sales clerk who is trying the best they can, they will see that sales clerk as beneath them. If they watch you give a dollar to someone in need, it will foster compassion. Your little one is always watching.

How you allow others to treat you

See yourself as valuable and don't allow anyone to take that from you. What a valuable lesson for a teenager! If you let people walk all over you, your kids could feel that's OK. Even worse, they could start to do it to you too. How we see ourselves is often the way others see us. How wonderful would it be if your children learned from you that they are special, talented and influential?

How you feel about your body

It's heartbreaking to see an 8 year old concerned about her tummy being too big. It's devastating to see a 5 year old step on the scale because that's what determines if mom feels good about herself. Don't talk about losing weight or being skinny. Go on hikes with your family. Go on a bike ride. Have fresh fruit available at all times. Just live a healthy life. There is no need to talk about it. Not only will you feel happier and healthier, you'll have more patience and quality time with your children.

Never stop growing

It's a wonderful feeling to learn. As you learn more about the world, new people or a new hobby, the more you learn about yourself. Instill in your children that there is always something to be passionate about. There is always room to gain more knowledge. Imagine if we lived in a world where everyone made it a point to never stop improving. The positivity would be outstanding. And the more your children learn, the bigger positive impact they can make on the world.

As you take time to celebrate motherhood, think about the mother you had, the mother you are and the mother you want to be. Remember the influence you have and make it a point to be the voice for good.

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Looking back, there are a few simple rules I've come to realize should never be broken within the bonds of marriage. Follow these rules, and success will be more likely.

1. Always laugh at your husband's jokes

If you find yourself rolling your eyes at your husband's attempt at humor - resist the temptation and, instead, find a chuckle somewhere inside and let him hear it loud and clear. I loved hanging around my parents' best friends. Without exception, when Jack cracked a joke, Beverly chortled until everyone at the table was in stitches. Jack was a very happy man.

2. When you hurt your wife's feelings - bring home a dozen red velvet cupcakes

Flowers are wonderful, cupcakes are better. Know what your wife's favorite treat is, and give it willingly and often. Yes, it's a lot of cupcakes, but she can share them, freeze them, or eat them all at once. It's her choice. One cupcake is awesome, but a dozen will make her heart skip a beat. Believe me, she'll be much more willing to cut you some slack.

3. Hug your spouse for no reason

Children love to be hugged. So do grown-ups. A sincere, close, tight, long hug can solve a lot of problems in a marriage. Hug often and mean it.

4. Come home early on Fridays

I want to know my husband is excited to start the weekend. It's a signal that nothing in the world is more important to him than spending time together. It brings a bit of excitement at the end of a long week.

5. Don't hold back

Be free with kind words, compliments, sincerity, love, emotions and even your wallet. When each gives freely to the other, trust builds and love expands. Never be afraid to share, to talk, to give, or to ask for what you need.

Yes, I've learned a few things along the way, and I will continue to learn more as time passes. But I look forward to the next 25 years now that my experiences have guided me to a much better place.

Follow these simple rules to find more happiness in your marriage and more happiness in your life.

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I want to share with you, what I believe, are the main reasons couples have a really difficult time keeping a marriage together.

You'll notice as you look over these eight reasons, there is nothing which seems too serious on the list. None of these items is really that big of a deal at first glance.

Let's take them one at a time.

1. Boredom

It's up to each of us as individuals to keep boredom from creeping into our lives. It's not the job of your spouse to keep you entertained or to adjust everything he or she is doing in order to keep you happy all the time. Find a job you love, get some hobbies, take a class to improve yourself, find something you love and run with it. You will bring a better half into the marriage.

2. Unrealistic expectations about marriage

Going into marriage thinking it's all going to be fun and games, bliss every moment and continuous joy forever is going to land you in the big trap called disappointment. It's when we realize we're in this thing together, we want to care for and love each other, we want to be on the same path with our goals, and we want to bring joy to each other that things will start to click.

3. Refusal to look beyond your own way of doing things

Those of us who become so rigid and set in our ways will only butt heads with those people who are most important to us. Eventually, if nothing changes, one or both of you will become unhappy. Truly loving another person means you learn to give a little.

4. The idea: the grass is greener somewhere else

This is simply NEVER true. I have been married enough times to know that every relationship takes lots and lots of work. And if you truly want to make it succeed, you will do whatever it takes.

5. A lack of humility: never wrong and won't apologize

When you're wrong - admit it. When you're right - say you're sorry anyway. We all know that the words, I'm sorry, go a long way in repairing problems in a relationship. Women, in particular, will melt like putty and forgive just about anything if a man is humble and apologetic. It's okay to actually be wrong about something.

6. The focus turning from love to criticism

It's easy, over the years, to begin to see the negative in any relationship because you see each other all the time. It's much more difficult to search for and appreciate the positive. Make it a point to look for the good and point it out to your spouse.

7. The mindset that it's just too difficult to change

If I had a dime for every time I heard the words, "that's the way I am, don't try to change me."� If that's your attitude - change it right now. We all have room for improvement, and being unwilling to change will only create the butting heads scenario we can all do without.

8. Money: the lack of or the spending of

As long as there is money, there will be problems in marriage. What more can I say.

Again, on their own, these items seem harmless, but they can lead to greater problems in a marriage, if they go unchecked. Some spouses are great at keeping their head together when the going gets rough. But some spouses believe the solution is to run away - infidelity, working long hours, drugs and alcohol, too much time away from home - the list goes on.

Do what you can to make sure your marriage is solid. Do what it takes to get it there. If you're struggling, take just one of these items right now and begin to work on it. If you can save your marriage, in the end, it will be worth it.

The post It’s not too late: 8 biggest reasons couples consider divorce appeared first on FamilyToday.