A typical scene when my husband gets home from work:

I'm trying to finish up transforming ramen and broccoli into something that will pass as "dinner." Sadly, the kids' screen time has just expired and they are acting as though they've never had the TV shut off before. My husband enters in and my first thought is, "Shoot! I wasted the afternoon! Why didn't I start dinner sooner?"

Husband enters in a chaotic scene of anarchy as the kids fight to exert their dominance over our attention. I shout out a, "Hey babe" from the kitchen as I scramble to finish this dinner-esque display, leaving him to deal with the three hooligans in their TV-less-post-apocalyptic state.

Once we've made it to the same room one of us will say, "How was your day?" To which we each in turn spout off the most frustrating, annoying and/or draining thing to happen to us that day to get it off our chests.

And that's kind of it. Very rarely do I even go to the front room to greet him, let alone hug and kiss and express a nice sentiment.

It wasn't always this way. I remember when we were first married, I literally would jump into his arms when we would greet each other at the end of the day. I was SO excited to see him.

Time has weathered us, but there is definitely something to the idea of showering your spouse with love right when you first see each other. It sets the stage. It eases tension right from the get go. The greeting can set down defenses that have crept up either from earlier disconnects or from a crummy day. A good greeting used correctly has the power to transform a night into one of love instead of one of apathy or grumpiness. It can make or break the rest of the day.

A good greeting has power.

I'm sure you're thinking, "But Celeste, how do you know? You just admitted you're not the world's best greeter." True. However, when I do put more effort into greeting my spouse with love at the end of the day, I see results.

Others do too. If you don't believe me, believe people smarter than me.

A recent article on YourTango claimed that those first 60 seconds when you greet are the most important of the day in any relationship.

I love this description of the power of a good greeting from Mitch Album, describing sociology professor Morrie Schwartz in the book "Tuesdays with Morrie:"

"I came to love the way Morrie lit up when I entered the room. He did this for many people, I know, but it was his special talent to make each visitor feel that the smile was unique ...When Morrie was with you, he was really with you. He looked you straight in the eye, and he listened as if you were the only person in the world. How much better would people get along if their first encounter each day were like this-instead of a grumble ... ?" - Mitch Album

And as my exemplar, Mother Teresa has said, NEVER underestimate the power of a smile. In fact, a 30 year longitudinal study at UC Berkley found that simply by measuring people's smiles in photographs, they were able to predict how fulfilling and long lasting their marriages would be.

So now that we've outlined how NOT to greet your spouse as well as the power of a good greeting, how can we harness this magic?

A few ideas:

1. Stop what you're doing to greet your spouse

But don't just greet him, run to him. Show him you are so anxious to see him that you just can't move slowly or apathetically. And if you are the one coming home - find your spouse first. Before your kids, before your dog, and certainly before your phone. Spouse first.

2. Hug

But don't just hug, embrace. We're talking the fully committed leaning type.

3. Kiss

But not just a habit peck, I mean the type of kiss to make your kids groan in agony. You know what I'm talking about.

4. Express love

Compliment. Express gratitude. Say "I love you." Make her KNOW that you are so happy to see her. Show your love in your eyes. A few examples could be, "Yay! You're home!" "You look great in that shirt." "I've been looking forward to seeing you all day." "I missed you today."

5. Save the venting session

Don't unload all the day's frustrations right away. This happens to us all the time. The first thing we say is, "How was your day." And in order to be 'authentic' we generally start spouting off the angst of the day. "Ugh, I only got half of what I wanted to get done today!" "I'm SO tired!" etc.

This can be especially damaging because venting sessions can be so easily misinterpreted. If my husband starts venting about his day I can think, "Oh, he's in a bad mood. Guess I should let him have his space. We'll have to save a romantic night for another night." When, he might not be thinking that at all!

Also all too often 'mad at the situation' can come off as 'mad at you.' Happens to us all the time. So save the venting session for a little later if you can. If you really need to get something off your chest, say it but then add something sweet so it's totally clear that your mood is 'mad at the situation' not mad at your spouse.

For example, "The kids almost killed me today, but I'm so happy to see you." Or "My boss was driving me bonkers. Sure glad I'm here with you now." Or "I felt tired and didn't get anything done. Your face is making it better."

I'm excited and determined to up our greeting game. Will you try it with us?

Editor's note: This article was originally published on A Thing Called Love. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

The post 5 ways to connect with your spouse at the end of the day appeared first on FamilyToday.

Recently I got together with a big group of old friends. Pretty quickly the conversation turned to the love lives of the single ladies in the group for analysis.

I was taken back by two of my friends who were both facing the dilemma of having to decide between "the nice guy" who was really into them, reliable, sweet, and a new guy who was less reliable, didn't treat them super awesome, but was hot and very exciting!

I was further taken back when everyone's advice was "go for the new guy!"

In my head I was thinking, "What!? Go for the nice guy! You'll thank yourself in 10 years."

There is a discrepancy between who you ARE getting dating advice from (other single people) and who you SHOULD be getting dating advice from (people who are in stable, successful, long-term relationships). Unfortunately, there just isn't a lot of relationship advice being shared between the two groups.

So, single people, if you are facing the decision between the "nice guy" and the less nice but exciting guy, here is some advice from one who has been happily married for almost eight years: GO FOR THE NICE ONE!

The truth

I had a real hard time saying no to someone who flattered me even when I knew they weren't the best long-term relationship material. The problem there is that you tend to end up in long-term relationships with the people you date. Funny how that works.

Your partner's attractiveness, humor and brains might have a big impact on your daily life years down the road. They really might. But they also might not. However, your spouse's kindness will absolutely have a daily impact.

For instance, when your child is screaming at 3:00 a.m., you want a spouse who will share in getting up and comforting your child rather than always leaving it up to you. You want a spouse who is going to really listen to your side of things when you disagree about how many kids to have or where to live or what to do that weekend or what show to watch together. You want a spouse who will step in and do the dishes when you are exhausted even though its your turn. You want a spouse who deeply cares when you are upset and wants to alleviate your pain.

And if you don't believe me, believe science

The king of marriage research, Dr. John Gottman through decades of studies is actually able to predict whether or not a couple will be divorced in six years time by observing them in his "love lab" with 94 percent accuracy! That kind of accuracy just does not happen in psychology.

And guess what he says are the two basic traits that determine whether a relationship will last or not?

Ok, I'll tell you, it's kindness and generosity.

Now, am I saying you have to be stuck with some boring dud forever to be happy? No. Am I saying attraction isn't an important consideration at all? No. Do I think ALL nice guys are going to be better spouses than ALL cool guys? Of course not (also thankfully cool and nice are not mutually exclusive traits). So while it is true that marriage can work if both parties are committed to making it work, it's just going to be easier with some people and harder with others.

I'm just asking you to consider your daily life ten, twenty years down the road and choose a person who will be mostly likely to treat you with kindness and compassion.

This decision will pay off BIG TIME.

Trust me.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on A Thing Called Love. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

The post Dear single friends: Go for the nice ones appeared first on FamilyToday.

Earlier this summer, we were preparing to have company over for dinner. Ideally, when we have company over for dinner I'd start preparing far in advance - planning the menu, cleaning the house, washing behind my kids' ears, etc. But for whatever reason, this day (and every other time we've had company), I did little to no preparation until about an hour before they were supposed to arrive at 6 p.m.

This meant that the hour from 5 - 6 p.m. was basically chaos.

Around this time I was really, really hoping my husband would be home. Earlier that day, he said he would try to make it home to help out around 5 or 5:30. Perfect.

Only he didn't.

5:30 - No Rich.

5:45 - No Rich.

5:55 - Still, no Rich.

I was rearing and ready with my list of complaints that made it perfectly clear who was in the wrong and who was in the right in this situation and I was ready to spout them off Mount St. Helens style. Oh,oh, I was ready. I had my stink-eye ready to launch the minute he returned.

But then, he came home right at 6:00. He dropped his backpack, immediately came over to me, put his hands on my shoulders, looked me in the eye and said, "I'm SO sorry I'm late! I got caught up in my experiment and my co-worker needed help right as I was going to leave, but I still should have finished earlier. I'm so sorry."

Then he hugged me and said, "What can I do?"

Well, shoot. My steam engines cooled, I cleared my stink eye from it's launch pad and together we finished throwing dinner together, appeasing the children and picked up the house in the nick of time.

It was a darn good apology. So good that it cleared up my anger and a fight before one even happened. That is the power of a good apology.

That is the power we all need to harness once we realize we've done something to hurt our spouses.

Here's a few tips on how to do that:

1. Value their perception

Remember when you've done something hurtful, your spouse's perception of the situation is more important that the reality of the situation. Rich could have very easily stated why he was very justified in being late and how I was in the wrong to be so upset. He could have correctly reminded me that I should have started preparing earlier. He could have suggested I order take out instead of making a time-consuming meal. But he didn't. He valued my perception of the situation and spoke to my state of frustration. He showed me he valued my feelings whether or not I was "justified" in having them at all.

Because he did this, the hurt and frustration were gone and dead in about 30 seconds instead of lasting potentially for days if we had fought about it.

2. No buts about it!

Do not add a "but" after your apology. For example, "Sorry I didn't take the trash out, but you know I did take it out the last two times."Or "Sorry I blew our budget this week, but we really needed new shoes and they were on sale!"Or "Sorry I hurt your feelings, but next time you could be more sensitive to me too."

Whenever we add a "but" to our apology, it tends to negate anything we say before the "but." Adding it highlights the justification and weakens the apology. Try changing the above scenarios to these: "Sorry I didn't take the trash out. I'll do that now. Maybe we can make more of a schedule next week?" "Sorry I blew our budget this week. I really should have planned our purchases better." "Sorry I hurt your feelings. What can I do to make you feel better?"

Remember, you don't have to be a door mat. If something is really bothering you, bring it up in a safe time and place for discussing issues like companionship inventory. This way if you need to apologize for something when your spouse is hurting, then you can apologize sincerely and then bring it back up when feelings have calmed down a bit and you're both in a better mood for problem solving.

3. Use complete sentences

Is there anything worse than an apathetic "sorry" with little to no expression behind it?? Ugh. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me. Therapist Richard Miller has said,

I have found that effective apologies usually come in complete sentences. A simple "sorry" or the far more eloquent "sorry about that" rarely provides the necessary evidence that you feel remorseful and that you are taking appropriate responsibility for your actions. Even the current fad of saying "my bad" (with the dutiful patting of your chest) is usually inadequate - unless, I guess, you are in the middle of a coed intramural basketball game. It is much more healing to say: "I'm sorry that I didn't do the dishes last night like I agreed to. It wasn't right, and I apologize" - two full and complete sentences. A full and complete apology that comes packaged in complete sentences will do wonders in healing hurts."

If you need to apologize, look them in the eye and apologize in a complete sentence.

4. Be friends

We'll be slower to take offense and quicker to forgive if we are making daily efforts to be friends with our spouses. Renowned marriage psychologist John Gottman says this is the key to not getting divorced. Treat your spouse like your best friend - talk to them, value their opinions, give them breaks and have fun together.

Repenting of a wrong doing will go over MUCH better if you put in those daily efforts to be friends.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on A Thing Called Love. It has been published here with permission.

The post How to say sorry to your spouse like you mean it appeared first on FamilyToday.

Sometimes when marriage is hard, it seems like it will never be good again. Sometimes when our spouse is in a bad mood it seems like they will never be in a good mood again. And when they've disappointed us or just aren't shaping up to be the version of themselves we envisioned when we married them, sometimes its hard to see our spouses in the best light.

I think this happens to all of us at some time or another. Here are three ways that have helped me to bring out the best in my spouse.

1. Believe that the "best version" of your spouse really is in there

Believing in our spouses is so important. Especially when we feel they aren't doing much to deserve it. We have to believe that the best version of themselves is in them. They need us to have faith in them. WE need us to have faith in them. I think it helps to visualize in your mind the squeakiest, friendliest, most pure version of your spouse you can envision and to bring that image to mind frequently.

Note: this is not the version of your spouse that YOU wish they would become (including a laundry list of things you wish they would do), but rather the version that God intended. Imagining them as a child of God innately worthy of all the love God and we can pour out on them.

Sometimes I like to think of God and I pairing up to help my husband Rich be the best Rich he can be. It helps me to visualize this version of Rich that I know is in there simply because he is a child of God.

2. Let go

To allow them to be their best selves, we have to let go of trying to control them in any way. We have to realize we are not responsible for their progression. We have to let them be them and find a way to love them even when they are not living up to that "best version" of them that we imagine.

Ironically, learning to let go is what brings the most freedom. When we let things just BE instead of trying to create the end result we desire, we are better able to see our spouse's merits.

3. Love unconditionally

Loving unconditionally goes hand in hand with letting go. To love unconditionally means simply to love without conditions; to put no ultimatums on our affection for our spouses. To not withhold our adoration when he doesn't do the dishes, when she doesn't initiate intimacy, when he doesn't help with the kids or when she nags to much. To learn to talk openly about things that need to change and to love them despite these things.

God is the ultimate example of this. There is nothing we can do, no amount of mistakes committed to deserve God's love less and no amount of good deeds will make us deserve it more. God's love has no conditions whatsoever. He loves us all simply by being His children. That doesn't mean there aren't certain things He wants us to do and ways He wants us to act, but His love for us does not ride a roller coaster of our accomplishments or obedience. It is not conditional on our behavior or attitudes.

What if we loved our spouses a little more like this? To solve our problems when they needed to be solved, not shying away from honest feelings and communication, butto not let our love for our spouses be affected by their actions.

What if we stopped letting our affection for our spouses ride the ups and downs of our pride or disappointment in them?

I think learning how to love your spouse despite being disappointed in their actions is a valuable skill indeed. A God-like skill.

So if you want to bring out the best in your spouse this week, try believing in them, letting go of control and loving them without conditions.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on "I Believe in a Thing Called Love." It has been republished here with permission.

The post How to bring out your spouse’s best side appeared first on FamilyToday.

This is the story of Brad Tuft. He offers some advice and life lessons from his experiences below.

As a loving husband or wife, what do you do if you feel like your spouse is being swallowed up by depression? What do you do if they weep for hours of the day, or when they lock you out of the room, or storm out of the house and don't tell you where they have gone? What do you do if the slightest word or phrase said in just the wrong way sets them off in a negative spiral? What do you do when your best friend and confidant screams uncontrollably into a pillow or expresses feelings that they are worthless and that you'd be better off without them?

Every life is different and what works for some may not work for others. I certainly learned plenty of things that I SHOULDN'T do when my wife felt that way. However, I give a few major themes here that, at least for us, seemed to improve the situation and our relationship most as we battled with depression.

1. Be loving and kind - always

My first two suggestions are to "be loving and kind" and "be patient" - always. I kept them separate since I think they are important enough to merit their own space, but the two often do go hand in hand. At first glance it's easy to dismiss them and say "Yeah. Anybody should do that in any relationship - especially in a marriage." True. However, if you were to answer honestly, when was the last time you were around someone that reacted quite negatively towards you or even said things to deliberately get under your skin? Did you feel like giving them a piece of your mind? Did you feel like arguing and showing them that they are wrong? Did you feel like you just wanted to get away and not associate yourself with them anymore? At least give them a little silent treatment perhaps?

No matter how justified you may feel in any of these or similar types of responses they do not help. When my wife became her Mr. Hyde-like self under those negative waves of depression, I learned over time, and it did take time, that it didn't matter what negative or completely irrational thing she said - I needed to respond to her with love and kindness. Sometimes the fruit of that significant effort in self-control wouldn't be apparent until hours or even days later, but it always helped. Eventually when the real Eve would bubble up, however briefly, from underneath all of that negative emotion she was swimming in, she would always thank me for loving and supporting her and for treating her with patience and kindness.

She also mentioned, on more than one occasion, that she felt like a horrified observer about how she acted or what she said while depressed, but was also so happy and grateful for how I responded to her - after I learned my lesson anyway - when she felt so negative and out of control.

2. Be patient

When supporting a spouse dealing with depression, there are going to be days that are more difficult than others. You may be having a particularly bad day yourself or maybe that love and kindness you have been trying to practice doesn't appear to be paying off. In these moments, choose to be patient. Think of your favorite story or idea that teaches patience. For me, the visual idea of harvest time is powerful and instructive. I can't make the final harvest come any faster by my efforts, but I can choose along the way to nourish my crop and provide the best environment I can for it to grow. The harvest could represent getting past the worst of depression. Part of the essential nourishment for your marriage (crop) along the way is the love, kindness, and patience that you practiced prior to the harvest.

Find an idea, story, or quote that helps you practice patience. Accept that you and your spouse may be in for a bumpy ride and that it might last a while, but with time things will get better. It will likely take time to get the counseling, or medication, or other treatment that are right for your spouse but hold fast to the hope that it will come as you persistently work at it. You may also need to be patient with yourself when you feel like you fall short of who you want to be while supporting your spouse during depression. Hold onto hope. Hold onto the idea that things can and will get better even if it has been a particularly rough set of days, weeks, or even months.

3. Get help

Major depressive disorder can significantly affect your ability to function day-to-day and will likely require more than your own efforts to face. If you believe that you or your spouse may be experiencing depression please seek help from competent medical professionals - a good place to start could be with your family doctor who may recommend further avenues of treatment. I certainly don't pretend to know everything about all types of depression, but for many, counseling, significant changes in diet or lifestyle, and/or changes in body chemistry as a result of medication may be required to treat it.

For some, depression is like trying to bake a cake without proper ingredients. How would your cake turn out if you used only half of the sugar or eggs called for in the recipe? No matter how good your intentions, positive outlook, or determination, the cake would never be as good as when the ingredients are added in their proper proportions. For those with this type of depression - my wife included - being able to feel like themselves again requires treatment in the same way that someone with high blood pressure or with a hypo or hyperactive thyroid takes daily medication.

For us, getting the right help also required plenty of patience. It takes time to schedule doctor's appointments. There can be a considerable wait between appointments or when scheduling with a new doctor or clinic. It may take time to find the right doctor whom you trust, is understanding, as well as competent in these matters. Because brain chemistry is complex and not perfectly well understood, finding the right medication - for those that need it - is often a very specific trial and error method for each individual regarding both the type of anti-depressant and its proper dosage. It can feel daunting or even overwhelming going through the process, but try as best you can to practice patience and to hold onto hope.

4. Develop personal strength

This section is about you. Yes, if going through depression, your spouse needs plenty of support including unyielding love and kindness, patience, and probably some professional help, but having your spouse go through depression can definitely take a toll on you as well. Find a way, or perhaps multiple ways, to gain personal strength and rejuvenation. Some find it helpful to write a feelings journal just to conceptualize and express all the emotion they are experiencing. Maybe you really enjoy nature or just reading a good book. For me, two practices were particularly helpful. I am a man of faith so prayer was a rock solid support. It significantly helped me to express feelings, both highs and lows, to a loving Father and also served as a powerful reset for me at the start of a day before accomplishing what I needed to do as well as to lovingly support my wife.

Whatever your method is to feel strengthened and uplifted, be deliberate both about doing it and enjoying it. There is still much that is good, and fun, and uplifting in the world even when depression makes it feel like it is all out of reach.

A few final suggestions

There were also other smaller things that we did on a day-to-day basis that helped out quite a bit as well. The first was to just get out of the house. When Eve was depressed, the last thing she ever wanted to do was to get out of the house because she didn't feel like it. If I stubbornly persisted enough though, she would usually let me talk her into at least going for a drive. Sometimes we would even go to a store or a park. We found that getting her out of the house (or in our case, a small apartment) lightened her mood a bit and helped her focus on things going on around her instead of inside of her.

Nighttime was usually when the depression was the worst for Eve. There were many nights when I would have to simply turn on the light so it wouldn't be so dark. We also played a lot of board games at 2:00 and 3:00 AM in the morning to help Eve calm down if it was a particularly bad night.

One thing that we've had to be careful about is different medications. Although Eve hasn't had any major bouts of depression for a few years, she has gotten depressed due to an antibiotic once, as well as from a medicine prescribed for headaches. If you or someone you are close to starts a new medication, be mindful that although depression is a less-experienced side effect, it still is one.

Like me, Eve finds great solace and personal strength in prayer. In her darkest hours she would pray fervently for comfort and peace. Although it didn't cure her of her depression, it carried her through her sorrows, helped her get up out of bed every day, and it gave her hope that she would one day feel relieved of her heavy burden and trial.

Years later ..

Our story continues, but thankfully Eve hasn't suffered a severe bout of depression for years now. We are happy, we think the world of each other, and we have also been blessed with three beautiful children. We look back on those years of depression now as an extremely difficult and trying time, but also as a time of great growth for each of us individually and as a couple.

Depression is real. It is hard. It affects many lives, and not just those who are depressed themselves. Based my own experience, if you are supporting a spouse through depression I encourage you to choose to be loving and kind ALWAYS, choose to be patient and to have hope, get help as soon as possible, and remember to take care of yourself and find joy and rejuvenation in something meaningful to you. Both you and your spouse can get through these dark days. Your love, trust, and admiration for each other will deepen profoundly as you lovingly support each other through one of life's deepest lows.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Celeste Davis' blog, I Believe in a Thing Called Love. It has been modified and republished here with permisssion.

The post What everyone should know about supporting a spouse through depression appeared first on FamilyToday.

Because I like you I'll let you in on a little secret ... sometimes my husband and I fight. Sometimes we fight frequently and sometimes we fight loudly, other times silently and many times fervently. These fights range in subject matter from very serious issues like finances and parenting techniques to sometimes even more serious issues like what's the most effective way to keep our kitchen sponges from stinking? Replace them frequently or microwave them and keep them forever? In the wide range of our disagreements, I've noticed one common theme throughout almost all of them ... fatigue. Seriously, every one of our fights is either started by, perpetuated by or intensified by one of us being tired. When you're tired your inhibitions are lower, your tempers are higher, you're slower to hold your tongue and quicker to take offense. It just makes every problem seem worse than it is. And if you don't believe me, believe science!

• A study at the University of Berkeley gave 60 couples a sleep journal for over a week and tasks to complete as a couple. They found that couples that got more sleep worked better together, encouraged each other more and expressed more gratitude for each other; whereas individuals who got less sleep where more likely to prioritize their needs over their partners. Additionally, they found that insomniacs were FOUR TIMES more likely to suffer relationship problems.

• Another study titled "Sleep deprivation impairs the accurate recognition of human emotions" found that sleep deprivation interferes with people's ability to distinguish between the facial expressions of others. Misreading your spouse's emotions can lead to PROBLEMS.

• The National Institute of Health found that losing even ONE HOUR of sleep can negatively affect your mood, your ability to think properly and respond quickly.

Sleep! It's important! So, without further adieu, here are six ways to wtrengthen your marriage when you're really, really tired.

1. Go to bed earlier

There are one million things keeping us from bedtime. The procrastination of sleep does not discriminate - it affects productive types and lazy types alike. We're all in good company here.

The first thing we need to do in regard to bedtime is to think of it not just as something that affects us, but as something that affects our spouse and kids (and co-workers and friends). If you can't get yourself to go to bed earlier - do it for your spouse. And do it together with your spouse!

Now, that being said, there are times when we just can't get more sleep. Newborns, work deadlines, and illnesses are some very legitimate reasons why we are just going to be tired. There are certainly times when bonding with your spouse, work, church or home responsibilities and other priorities just need to take precedence over sleep. But these should be the exception rather than the rule. So, for those times try a few of these other suggestions:

2. Frequently acknowledge the real source of your emotions both to yourself and to your spouse.

This is key. It is much easier to take offense when we're tired, so when you find yourself being offended, pause and tell yourself, "Wait. It's OK. I'm just tired. I won't think about this until I'm better rested." Or when you snap out and lose patience with your spouse, remind both yourself and your spouse that it's just the fatigue talking.

My "mad-at-my-husband" attitude and my "tired" attitude look shockingly similar, so it's understandably very difficult for him to distinguish between the two. When you are super tired you should find yourself FREQUENTLY saying to your spouse, "I'm sorry. I'm really not mad at you I promise. I'm just tired." Over and over. Make sure they know you are not upset with them and remind yourself of that too.

3. Don't keep sleep score

This is a hard one for me. Here's an all-too-common scenario: It's 7 a.m., the girls are awake and wanting breakfast. Both of us pretend to still be asleep and wait until the other one runs out of patience and gets up. I stayed up late doing the dishes (read: browsing the internet) and the baby woke up twice last night. My husband had gone to bed early since he had been drop-dead tired from a project last week. I wake up and think, "Why is he still asleep? HE went to bed first! HE didn't wake up with the baby! His turn!" Meanwhile he's thinking, "Why is she still asleep?? SHE can take a nap today! SHE didn't have to stay up until 3 a.m. all last week finishing that work project! SHE got eight hours of sleep all last week! Her turn!"

Or this one: I ask my husband to do something. He replies, "Oh babe. I'm so tired, can I do that tomorrow?" My mind immediately thinks, "YOU'RE tired?!" as I calculate how much sleep he got last night versus how much I got.

People. Do not play this game. Everyone is entitled to be tired. Let them be tired regardless of how much sleep they got. Communicate lovingly and don't keep score. Constantly and immediately forgive and ask forgiveness. And if you have problems like the ones described above - discuss it at a safe time and place like inventory and work out a plan together (not when you're tired ... bad idea).

4. Fake it till you make it. (Don't doom the day before the day begins)

If I know I got less than six hours of sleep, I tend to doom the day before the day even begins. I lay in bed in the morning and my mind immediately starts thinking of what I can skimp on today (What's the easiest breakfast/lunch/dinner I can make? How many episodes of "Magic School Bus" is too many for the kids today? How much chocolate do we have in the house?) I give up on the day before even making an effort just because I know I'll be tired. It's not just "getting up on the wrong side of the bed," it can mean "getting up on the side of the bed where I feel JUSTIFIED in being unkind or impatient."

I'm not saying you should feel that there is NEVER any excuse for taking it easy. No, no, no. Take it easy when you need to! But don't give up on your day or on your ability to be nice without giving it a shot first. So next time you get too little sleep - try to fake it till you make it. Smile at your spouse even if you don't feel like it. Compliment them. Hug them. Try pretending you have energy and see what happens.

5. Do not make tired your way of life

You don't get a ribbon or a prize for being the busiest, or for surviving on the least possible amount of sleep. Of course there are infinite things that can eat up every hour of the day and night that you could be doing. But if your lifestyle is long days at work or home, hobbies or entertainment or extra responsibilities every single night, and self-medication of caffeine throughout the day, then you're building a life founded on constant exhaustion. And that's shaky foundation.

If you have insomnia issues, it's worth looking into some solutions or medical interventions. Go to a sleep clinic. Read some books on how to sleep well. Try some relaxation tapes.

6. Prioritize - put the best things first

When you have limited energy, it's ESSENTIAL that you do the very most important things first. Remember the rule of good, better, and best: don't put things that are "good" ahead of things that are "better" or "best." This will leave the best things undone and will undoubtedly lead to fatigue. Figure out what the very most important things are for you and your family. Do those things first when you have the most energy and then fill in the gaps with the better and the good.

So, if you are feeling constant fatigue, take a serious life-evaluation and cut out the things you can cut out and cut back on the things you can cut back on.

Just do your best and leave the rest to God. He knows what things are good, better and best for YOU, His child, and He'll help you if you ask Him to.

And seriously, if you're reading this and it's after 10:30 p.m. - do yourself a favor, do your spouse a favor and shut this computer and GO TO BED!

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Celeste Davis' blog, A Thing Called Love. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

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