Christa Cutler – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com Here today, better tomorrow. Mon, 19 Oct 2020 14:40:20 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.8.3 https://wp-media.familytoday.com/2020/03/favicon.ico Christa Cutler – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com 32 32 Do you feel you are in a one-sided relationship? Here’s what a therapist recommends https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/do-you-feel-you-are-in-a-one-sided-relationship-heres-what-a-therapist-recommends/ Tue, 06 Mar 2018 22:25:52 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/do-you-feel-you-are-in-a-one-sided-relationship-heres-what-a-therapist-recommends/ The good news is, if you're currently in one, there's hope

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There's a specific moment in "500 days of Summer" when you FINALLY realize the thing you've tried to deny the entire movie. It's the moment when Tom goes to Summer's party with high expectations of restoring their relationship. And then he sees it: her ring. The engagement ring that did not come from him.

That's when you realize this has been a one-sided relationship all along.

Some of us hate that movie. Maybe it's because it goes against our idealistic senses of what a chick-flic should be. But it's also possibly too close to home. Each of us can relate to having a one-sided relationship, whether friend or lover.

The good news is, if you're currently in one, there's hope. We reached out to therapists to see what can be done if you feel you're the one constantly putting in the effort of keeping your love alive.

How do you know you are in a one-sided relationship?

Clinical psychologist, Dr. Traci Stein, said, "Pay attention to how you feel. One-sided relationship leave you feeling overwhelmed, or exhausted, frustrated, or resentful more often than not. If you were raised to take care of others even at your own expense, you'll probably also feel guilty or anxious when you think about trying to raise this issue with the other person. But your gut will always tell you when something's off. The key is listening, and then enlisting outside support if needed."

What is your advice for people wanting to fix their one-sided relationship?

Stein advised, "Strive for direct, but respectful communication. Be specific and concrete about what you are hoping will change. Understand that this will require compromise on both your parts. Be willing to seek out the help of a professional if you both agree that you want the relationship to be better, but find yourselves at an impasse."

You can't read each other's minds. You may feel like you are doing all the work, but is it possible your spouse may be feeling the same way? If they haven't had the chance to express their feelings you can't know. Sometimes in "one-sided" relationships both spouses feel like they are carrying the burden of the marriage. Communicating more effectively as a couple will transform your marriage into a support system instead of a burden.

How should you communicate with your spouse in a one-sided relationship?

"This can be tricky, but it's worth doing," Stein said. "First, don't assume your partner knows either what you feel or what you need. Not everyone is as naturally empathic or aware of how they impact others."

Stein said this requires being direct, respectful, concrete and specific.

"So rather than, 'I need you to be more supportive,' state what that would look like, as you both may have different ideas about what 'more supportive' means," she said.

These conversations are easiest when you've both calmed down about an issue. Don't try to approach a sensitive topic when either of you is emotionally charged. And if having productive conversations is still difficult, going to a therapist will guide you through developing healthy habits.

Marriage & Family Therapist, Dr. Saudia L. Twine recommends some do's and don'ts for these conversations.

Couples who break up tend to:

  1. Criticize - criticize their character instead of listing the complaint

  2. Act with contempt - be hurtful or disrespectful

  3. Become defensive - this creates a sense of separation

  4. Stonewall - shut them out through silence

  5. Reject - block a partner's invitation to connect

Couples who last tend to:

  1. Use soft start-ups to express a complaint.

  2. Complain without attacking the person.

  3. Turn towards their partner by using nonverbal and verbal cues of connection and receive their partner's connection cues as well.

Small things to do to improve communication:

  1. Touch affectionately

  2. Laugh together

  3. Touch playfully

  4. Share thoughts and feelings

What are the best ways to develop intimacy (not just physical intimacy)?

Intimacy weakens when one partner feels taken advantage of because of their constant giving. The therapists recommended maintaining intimacy by continual connection, developing healthy habits and making time together a priority.

"Intimacies development and maintenance is dependent upon continued connection between partners," Twine said. "Communication with your partner either strengthens or weakens the relational bond. The more you do it, then the stronger your relationship. Couples who last tend to shares their vulnerable side and is validated, supported and feels loved by their partner."

Stein said all healthy relationships depend on five pillars: openness, genuineness, respect, compromise and compassion.

"Understand that compromise is also fundamental in creating a relationship that is meaningful and enjoyable for you both. In this way, you can connect with each other in a way that is honest and caring, and that respects both of your needs and desires. Ideally, your partner will be your best friend, so treat each other as if this is so."

Couples Counselor, Dr. Wyatt Fisher added, "One of the keys is to spend at least 10-15 hours of quality time together a week and every day share your head/heart. Head is your agenda for the day and heart is what you're feeling and why you're so mad, sad, glad, and why."

The main problem with one-sided relationships is that the couple does not know how to effectively communicate, or in other words, the couple doesn't understand how to express themselves and validate their partner.

How to Famifi it:

This week, take 15 minutes every night, put away electronics and talk to your spouse. Ask about their day — what made them sad, glad and mad. Ask what they have planned for the next day and how they feel about their plans. At the end of your conversation give them a long hug and thank them for sharing their feelings with you.

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Glow in the dark bubbles, fruit rockets: fun activities to teach your children they can do anything https://www.familytoday.com/family/glow-in-the-dark-bubbles-fruit-rockets-fun-activities-to-teach-your-children-they-can-do-anything/ Tue, 27 Feb 2018 23:28:53 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/glow-in-the-dark-bubbles-fruit-rockets-fun-activities-to-teach-your-children-they-can-do-anything/ We've planned everything you need for your family activity.

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Every week we give you the resources to have family time that's easy, educational and fun for everyone! Each family time includes a quote or story, conversation starters and an activity. If you want to share your family time with us, tell us about it here. In the meantime, try this week's family time below:

Family Chat:

Start by telling the story of Mae Jemison, the first African-American woman in Space.

Reaching your dreams

Mae Jemison was born on October 17, 1956, in Decatur, Alabama. Her father Charlie Jemison, was a roofer and carpenter, and her mother Dorothy (Green) Jemison, was an elementary school teacher.

Mae had big dreams. She dreamed of becoming a doctor and a dancer, but wasn't sure which one she should go to school for. Mae's mom told her, ''You can always dance if you're a doctor, but you can't doctor if you're a dancer.''

After she heard this advice, Mae went to school to become a doctor (but kept dancing on her own). School wasn't easy for Mae, but she didn't give up. After receiving her Doctor of Medicine degree in 1981 at Cornell Medical College, she joined the Peace Corp and later applied for NASA.

Again, NASA wasn't easy but Mae never gave up. She became the first African-American woman in space.

When asked about achieving dreams Mae said, "First of all, understand that sometimes other people won't have the same vision of you that you have of yourself. Don't accept other people's limitations as being reality. Also, understand that you have as much right as anyone else to be in this world, and to be in any profession you want. That's the most important thing - you don't have to wait for permission."

Discussion questions: How can you and your family reach for the stars?

Who helped Mae achieve her dreams?

What did her mom mean when she said Mae could dance if she was a doctor, but not the other way around?

What are your dreams?

What small goals can you make to reach your dreams?

What goals should we make as a family to support each other to reach our dreams?

Family Activities:

Space night — with glow in the dark bubbles

This is an easy, fun activity that's best done outside.

What you'll need:

Glow sticks

Bubbles

Instructions:

  1. Break the glow stick to make it glow

  2. Cut open the already glowing glow sticks

  1. Dump the liquid into the bubbles

  2. Mix the liquid and the bubbles

  1. Blow the bubbles

BONUS: make it a game — see who can pop the most, or catch the bubbles (use a slotted spoon to catch the bubbles without them popping).

Fruit Rockets

What you'll need:

Fruit (strawberries, grapes or blueberries work well)

Kabob sticks

Red string or streamers

Instructions:

  1. Find a fruit that is shaped like a triangle (or cut a piece of fruit into a triangle)

  2. Load up the sticks with fruit (leaving the triangle piece at the top)

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Dogs and eggs, Taylor Swift and Selfie Kid: what your teen saw this week https://www.familytoday.com/family/dogs-and-eggs-taylor-swift-and-selfie-kid-what-your-teen-saw-this-week/ Tue, 27 Feb 2018 23:18:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/dogs-and-eggs-taylor-swift-and-selfie-kid-what-your-teen-saw-this-week/ Do you know what's on their feed?

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Here is a list of viral content that your teenager probably saw this week.

Taylor Swift playlist:

Taylor Swift can be semi-controversial at times, but her music is at the top of the charts more often than not. Therefore, most of what she says is being watched and shared. Recently she tweeted out a spotify playlist of songs she's been listening to.

If your teens follow Taylor Swift they will probably check out these other artists she tweeted about.

Selfie kid at super bowl

Loving selfies is a normal teenage thing to do. During the halftime show at the super bowl, a teenager took a selfie with Justin Timberlake. Before he took the selfie, the camera showed him looking at his phone with Justin dancing next to him.

The image of the boy looking at his phone instantly went viral. Many people made the image into a meme saying he was looking up the song lyrics, or how teenagers never know how to live in the moment. He was really just trying to get his phone app to work so he could get the selfie with Justin.

This kid just became the Super Bowl's biggest meme / via Twitter
Teen suicide and bullying

Emily Gipson shared a poem on YouTube she wrote herself, and it went viral. The poem was about her view of how bullying and suicide are connected in her school. At the end she talked about how she felt the administration, teachers and other students weren't looking for a solution to the bullying problem. The school suspended her for three days after posting the video.

White celebrations vs. Black protests

After winning the Super Bowl, many Eagle fans took to the streets to celebrate. Unfortunately, many of the celebrations turned into violence and vandalization in the streets of Philadelphia. People were not impressed with the violence, especially Brittany Packnett who noticed the police were doing nothing other than containing the violence to certain streets. Packnett said it is a huge injustice to allow white Americans to violently celebrate a win and not allow Black Americans to peacefully protest.

Packnett said we are teaching white children that they can get away with anything, while teaching Black children that their opinion will never matter.

Golden retriever egg challenge

There are many challenges going viral. Some of the most dangerous ones are the Tide pod, ice and salt or the cinnamon challenges. Luckily the newest challenge is danger free, but it might end up being a little messy.

The golden retriever egg challenge involves putting a raw egg in your dog's mouth to see how long the dog can hold it without breaking it. Most dogs won't hold it in their mouth for long and end up throwing the egg on the floor.

All kinds of dogs are trying the golden retriever egg challenge / via Twitter

Unrealistic body image

We're all aware of the snipping and tucking of Photoshoped images that give women and men unrealistic body images expectations.

The full article of unrealistic body image can be viewed here. And while this article is funny, it does bring up what unrealistic body image expectations your teen faces everyday.

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Simple dinners your family can make together https://www.familytoday.com/family/simple-dinners-your-family-can-make-together/ Tue, 27 Feb 2018 22:33:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/simple-dinners-your-family-can-make-together/ Even your kids can help cook these!

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Meal time is very important for your children.

"This daily mealtime connection is like a seat belt for traveling the potholed road of childhood and adolescence and all its possible risky behaviors," said Harvard professor Anne Fishel.

Cooking with your children will not only enhance your dinner conversations, it can also be a fun way to include them in the healthy decision-making process. The more your children are involved, the more they will be excited to eat the food and the less nagging or fighting will happen around your dinner table.

"Everyone's dinner will be enhanced by more members contributing and by no single member feeling resentful," explains Fishel.

Making meals a family event will help solve the seemingly impossible task of getting your kids to eat healthy food. Here are five great recipes to try with your children:

1. Butternut squash mac and cheese

Mac and cheese is comfort food and this is a great way to make it healthier for your children. Find the recipe here.

How kids can help:

Your child can help deseed a squash, scrape it from the skin, push the buttons on the blender (with you standing nearby of course) and stir the mixture.

2. Mini pizzas

This is a great recipe because most children love to eat pizza and making ones that are just for them will make the process even more exciting. Find the recipe here.

How your kids can help:

Your children can help roll out the dough, spread the sauce on the dough, sprinkle cheese on top and add the pizza toppings. This recipe is a great way to involve kids every step of the way.

3. 20-minute chicken and vegetable stir fry

If you don't have a lot of time, this is a great recipe for you. It's easy, healthy and will be fun for your kids to help with. Find the recipe here.

How kids can help:

Your kids can help stir the sauce together and measure the rice out. If you have older children they can help stir the veggies and chicken together over the stove.

4. Taco pizza

This recipe is for when the children only want pizza, but you're tired of pepperoni. Find the recipe here.

How kids can help:

Children can help unroll the dough and pinch the pieces together. Your older children can help spread the cream cheese and sour cream across the cooked dough. Then everyone can be involved in adding the toppings. This is another great recipe because your children can make it personal and choose what toppings they want on their taco pizza.

5. Walking tacos

If you are on the go, this is an awesome plate-free recipe (and it's easy to clean up afterwards too). Find the recipe here.

How kids can help:

This is one of my favorite recipes because each child can add whatever they want into their Frito bag. It makes each walking taco personal and no one ends up complaining that they have something on their plate they don't like. Children can help grate the cheese, stir the taco seasoning into the meat and put the ingredients out on the table.

Whatever recipe you choose, don't be afraid to let your children help. If you are worried about their safety or their ability to help, bring a chair over and let them watch you cook. Explain to them what you are doing and get them excited about the meal you are making. Your children will love being included in making dinner and you will love when they eat everything off their plate.

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5 signs your kids need more discipline https://www.familytoday.com/family/5-signs-your-kids-need-more-discipline/ Thu, 01 Feb 2018 10:25:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-signs-your-kids-need-more-discipline/ Here's how to stop bad behavior early on.

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Have you ever been sitting at the park while watching your kids interact with someone else and you are just slightly embarrassed about what they are saying to this complete stranger? Or have you been driving somewhere and your child demands something? Usually when these experiences first happen, you are shocked that you could ever hear your child say something like that.

You may brush it off and say that kids will be kids. Or you are like me who is blind to those they love most. You don't recognize the terrible traits they are developing because you think your child could never behave like that.

Here are five signs to look out for that mean your child needs more discipline

1. Entitlement

This is a struggle for every human that has been raised in a loving home. Loving parents want to take care of their child and provide not only for their needs but also for their wants. When your child starts expecting instead of being grateful, it's a problem. Not only will they start to be entitled to you but also to those around them.

What to do

Teach your child to be more grateful by having them write lists of what they are grateful for and helping them write thank-you notes. Thank them and teach them how good it feels to be thanked.

2. Lacks empathy and kindness

As humans one of the most important things we need to do is have empathy and be kind to others. We really only have each other on this earth and it's very important that we find ways to reach out and help others.

What to do

Teach your child to serve. You can get them involved in a big service project like serving someone in the neighborhood, helping with a community service project or visiting a retirement home. They could also do small services like cleaning their sibling's room or washing the dishes on someone else's dish night.

3. Blames others

If your child doesn't take responsibility for their actions, you have a problem on your hands.

What to do

Instead of fighting them and insisting that they take responsibility about every wrong they have done, teach them about what responsibilities they have. This is easily done by giving chores or talking to them about what they are in charge of.

Lauren Steele encourages parents to make responsibility tangible. "Write a note or make a sign for your child," parent educator Nancy Samalin told Steele. "Children always read your notes and may even write you back!"

She gives an example: "Dear Jo, Just a reminder. Here is what has to be done before TV today. Clean clothes hung in closet. Dishes washed and dried. Dog fed and walked. [Thanks] for your help. Love, Mom."

4. Doesn't care

If you child doesn't care about others, especially those in their family, you have a problem on your hand. This is the beginning of a very selfish life. Your child needs to learn that other people are just as important as he or she is.

What to do

Again, service will help children learn to care for others. Service is a great thing here because it teaches your children to see others as humans who need help once in a while.

5. Doesn't feel guilty

Are they refusing to feel guilty? This can be a tricky one because this is more of a personality difference. Some children are more prone to feel guilty than others. But not feeling guilt is another sign of refusing to take responsibility for their actions. They don't feel guilt because they don't think they did anything wrong.

What to do

Enforce consequences. When they don't feel guilty, they should feel a loss when they do end up doing something wrong. This doesn't mean that you are out to make your children miserable. It means you are teaching them the difference between right and wrong and having them accept accountability for their choices.

Your children are incredible, and a lot of these situations are just part of growing up. Don't be afraid to teach your children to be better and serve others.

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How to know your kids are contagious (and when to keep them at home) https://www.familytoday.com/family/how-to-know-your-kids-are-contagious-and-when-to-keep-them-at-home/ Wed, 31 Jan 2018 10:32:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/how-to-know-your-kids-are-contagious-and-when-to-keep-them-at-home/ There are three easy ways to know.

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No one likes to be sick. As a parent, when you feel terrible, you just wish that the world would stop and you could just curl up on your bed and sleep. Unfortunately, this is not how the world works. Even when you are sick there are things that have to be done.

However, when your kids are sick, you'll need to decide whether they are contagious or not before sending them off on their way. You don't want to spread whatever your child has to the entire school.

So how do you know when your child is contagious?

1. Fever

Fever is a sign that your body is still fighting the virus or bacteria. A fever is always a sign of sickness, so if you notice that your child's temperature is running high, it's a sign they should stay home today.

2. Runny nose

If their sinuses are draining, they are sick - despite the color of the drainage. "All colds are contagious regardless of mucus color." says Sara DuMond, MD.

3. Feeling sick

We live in a culture where even if you are feeling sick, you just keep going. When our kids say they feel sick, it can be easy to ignore it and send them on their way.

However, that might not be the best approach. DuMond said, "When your child is feeling his worst (days three through five), he's most contagious. But symptoms can last for up to two weeks, and he's contagious as long as he's sick. Of course, you can't quarantine him for days. So wash your hands frequently after touching him, and keep him away from other kids during the ... peak."

"In most of us, flu is contagious for about a week. By the time you're feeling better, you have probably stopped spewing virus particles everywhere," Dr. Salber says. Therefore, if you are feeling really sick you are probably still contagious.

When should you keep the kids home?

If you suspect your child is contagious you should keep your kids home - it might be inconveinent, it might be unexpected, but it's the right thing to do.

What to do?

If your child is sick there are a lot of options. You can see if you can work from home, take a sick day yourself or call the grandparents or a trusted neighbor to keep an eye on your child. Be sure to call the school and excuse your child's absence and work on getting their day's work so they don't fall behind.

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7 of the best resolutions for making any marriage better this year https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/7-of-the-best-resolutions-for-making-any-marriage-better-this-year/ Wed, 31 Jan 2018 09:18:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/7-of-the-best-resolutions-for-making-any-marriage-better-this-year/ Try these simple tips to strengthen your relationship with your hubby.

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We all want our marriage to be successful and happy. We want to be secure in the relationship, to feel loved and give love freely. The great thing about marriage is that you have new opportunities every day to make your marriage deeper, strong and filled with more love.

This can be difficult if your marriage has struggled in the past or if you feel like you don't have time. But your marriage is worth all time, stress and struggle to make it work.

Here are seven of the best resolutions for making your marriage better

1. Put your phones down

This is one of the most important things you can do to make your marriage better. Put your phones down and turn off the TV. Talk to your spouse face to face. Share your hopes and dreams. Talk about your fears, your stressors and your children. It can be a 10-minute conversation to hours of pillow talk.

2. Plan time together

Life gets busy and sometimes you don't even realize how little time you are spending with your spouse. Make an effort to plan time into your schedule that is specifically for your spouse. It could be planning a lunch date or simply just planning to wash dishes together.

3. Find an example

Find an older couple you admire and talk to them. Go to dinner with them and talk to them about their successes and what works for them.

Or simply work on being friends and observe how they treat each other — what they say about each other and how they serve each other. Try to learn from them and take care of your spouse better.

4. Spend time with your kids

Work on building your whole family. You will be surprised at how family time will not only strengthen the relationship with your children but also with your spouse. Sometimes being a good spouse means being a good parent.

Do an activity that allows you to talk freely (so movies and go-karting are out). This way you can hear what everyone's thinking and feeling, and therefore, learn more about each other and deepen the relationship.

5. Build something together

Whether it's a craft in the house or a project in the yard, build something that will make both of you smile. Working together encourages you to unite to reach a common goal. Support each other and offer help as you accomplish your project together.

6. Be kind

We all think that we are kind, but there is something about trying a little harder to be a little kinder. You will notice a difference and so will your spouse. They may not reciprocate the same kindness right away but they will soon. Your children will notice the difference and want to be not only kinder in the house but also at school.

7. Get help

Whether you feel like your marriage is solid or could use some work, it's never a bad idea to seek help with your marriage. It can be as simple as checking out a marriage help book from a library or sitting down and making goals together. You can also discuss going to therapy together and working out some of the deeper things that have been bothering both of you.

There are so many options to get help — don't be afraid to talk to your spouse and find what will work best for you.

Your marriage is worth it! Don't give up on your spouse, your kids or yourself. Things will turn out in the end and you will be happier than you have ever been if you set goals today.

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5 ways to let the grandparent enjoy time with the kids https://www.familytoday.com/family/5-ways-to-let-the-grandparent-enjoy-time-with-the-kids/ Tue, 30 Jan 2018 11:05:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-ways-to-let-the-grandparent-enjoy-time-with-the-kids/ Everyone can benefit from a little more love in their life.

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We all want to grow up and make different choices than our parents. We are going to have different lifestyles, different traditions and sometimes even different beliefs. But there is great importance for your children to connect with their ancestors.

The best way for them to bridge the gap between themselves and their ancestors is through their grandparents. Spending time with grandparents is one of the best things for children to do. Not only do they get to learn more about the past history and ancestors, they also get to connect with someone who is different than they are.

As a parent it can be hard to think about letting go of family rules, especially when it comes to your parents. You know your parents semi-mean well, but they also just want to come and spoil the children, right?

Michelle Woo said, "Part of being a parent is welcoming other people into your kids' lives who are not you, and knowing that their lives will be more vibrant, and better because of it."__

We need to remember that allowing grandparents to spend unstructured time with children will bless your children's lives immensely.

Grandparents ? #grandparents #love

A post shared by विपुल सिंह (@purple_panda7_7) on

Here are five ways to let the grandparents enjoy time with the kids

1. Bedtimes

This can be one of the most important routines in your child's day, so it might be one of the hardest things to let go of when the grandparents come over. Trust me, if you really love your kids, you will let your parents participate in the routine.

This is a great opportunity for them to sit and read stories to your children, to snuggle them and have a couple of extra laughs before the kids go to bed. It won't hurt the kids to stay up a little later than their normal bedtime.

2. Baths

Whether your kids take a bath every night or only once a week, bath time with the grandparents can be some of the funnest times. They will probably get to spend longer in the tub, there will probably be more bubbles and a little bit more toys spread everywhere.

Or on the other hand, they might not give your child baths or clean them up. This is OK too. They will have a little more time to play games with grandma and grandpa with a couple extra laughs and hugs. It will be worth it for your kids to be a little dirty and a little more loved.

3. Activities

You should trust the grandparents to come up with good, safe activities, whether they want to take them to the zoo or play games at the house. Grandparents were once parents and they know kids. They know what kids like and they want to do things that will make their grandkids smile.

4. Food

Make sure your parents know about what allergies your kids have, but other than that, let them have fun feeding the kids things they don't normally get. I remember my grandma making me a four-course meal and feeling so honored that my grandma would make me so much food (even though I hardly ate anything).

Don't keep your kids away from memories because you don't want them to have a second cookie.

5. Love

Let the grandparents enjoy time to love the children. They will have their own ways to do it. But they just want to be loved and share the love they have for your children. When you don't call or involve them in your life, you are limiting the love that you, your children and your parents can have in their life.

Abuelos ?

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Make the effort to get the grandparents involved in your child's life. You won't regret giving your children this opportunity.

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4 Simple Ways Women Can Gain the Confidence Every Man Wants to See https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/4-simple-ways-women-can-gain-the-confidence-every-man-wants-to-see/ Mon, 29 Jan 2018 10:45:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-simple-ways-women-can-gain-the-confidence-every-man-wants-to-see/ We've all heard that men are attracted to confident women, but how does one become more confident?

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When writing this title I felt like it was a little bit of an oxymoron. Women want to have confidence for themselves, not for other people. But at the same time, we want to have better relationships and we know that a better relationship will happen when we have confidence in ourselves. So hence the title.

So who are you really trying to gain confidence for?

I hope you are reading this because you want to gain confidence so you can have a better life. Your relationships with your family, friends and love will improve as you gain confidence, but I hope you are doing it for yourself and not for them (But once you gain confidence you will see that it is for you, so it's a win-win even if you start trying to gain confidence for someone else's sake).

Why is confidence so hard?

Confidence can be a tricky thing. We sometimes see people who are cocky and full of themselves and we mistake this as confidence. We don't want to be rude or presumptuous so we try to downplay who we are and what we think. We lose confidence in ourselves because we don't want to be "overconfident."

The other tricky thing about confidence is the mindset of self-doubt is easier to keep than a confident mindset. As woman we tear down ourselves and focus on our faults and flaws instead of what we've accomplished and who we are becoming.

1. Look in a mirror and see the good.

We often look in the mirror and wish we could change something. Instead of seeing the flaws, look in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful. Focus on the features you like about yourself and repeat that you are beautiful. Then take a step back and look at yourself as a whole — tell yourself how smart, kind, funny and beautiful you are!

2. Laugh.

Find the good in the world, find the funny things and be proud of your laughter. I think sometimes we don't have confidence because we can't see the good in the world. Find something to laugh about every day and try to be positive about what is happening in your life.

3. Know your support system.

It's important that you know you are loved and know who cares about you. It could be your family, your friends, your coworkers, your favorite server, your boyfriend, your husband, your neighbor or your children. Remember that you are loved. Remember that there are people who want you to succeed.

In addition to the people you know, know that strangers also want you to succeed — people would rather see others rise to the top than fail. There is a lot of shaming on the internet, but when you talk to people face to face, they really want others to be happy and successful.

4. Meditate.

Take time in your day to pause. I think one of the reasons I feel my confidence slipping is when I am running around like a chicken without a head. I don't know what I'm going to do and I don't know what I want to do; ultimately, I feel like I've lost my direction.

Take time to meditate. Get your thoughts in order about what you want to accomplish and who you want to be. This is a great time to make daily goals, weekly goals or even goals for the year. Pray for help and ask for direction.

As you meditate, remember where you came from. Remember what you had to triumph from, when you have succeeded in the past and how hard you have worked. Breathe and work through your problems.

Know you are amazing! Though I haven't met you, I am cheering for you! Confidence is beautiful, and you can find your inner confidence by following these simple steps and being proud of the woman you are.

The post 4 Simple Ways Women Can Gain the Confidence Every Man Wants to See appeared first on FamilyToday.

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10 things only moms do and we should thank them for it https://www.familytoday.com/family/10-things-only-moms-do-and-we-should-thank-them-for-it/ Mon, 29 Jan 2018 09:48:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/10-things-only-moms-do-and-we-should-thank-them-for-it/ When was the last time you called and thanked your mother?

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Moms are the best. They care for you, love you and support you. There are some roles that moms are best at fulfilling. Not to say that someone else can't do these for you, but these things are especially comforting when a mother does them for you.

Here are ten things moms are saints for doing

1. Have you

Obviously, this is something that only your mom can do for you because this is what makes you her child. But when you stop and think about the time and the pain she went through so you could just be here and breathe, you might want to take a moment to call your mom and say thank you.

2. Feed you

Since the day you were born, you mother has again sacrificed her body and time so you have food to eat. Even if you were bottle-fed, your mother made sure your cries were heard and your tummy was full.

3. Dry tears

Moms somehow always know how to comfort you. Whether you are crying from a scraped knee or a breakup, your mother was there with one of those reassuring hugs and a hand to hold.

4. Clean up throw-up

Your mom has been there for you even when things get gross. She takes care of you even when you are sick. Not only do moms clean up throw-up, they refill your orange juice glass, find more blankets when you get cold and help you remember to take your medicine.

5. Go to music lessons

Let's get real. At the beginning you weren't that good at your instrument, but your mom stood by your side and encouraged you. Thank her for encouraging you to try new things and for teaching you the importance of practicing.

6. Keep your drawings

Whenever you made something for your mom, no matter how hideous it was, your mom always said thank you and displayed it. Your mom was always proud of you for trying.

7. Stay up late for you

When you started going out with friends late at night, your mom wanted to make sure you were safe. She stayed up for you even when she knew she had to get up early in the morning. She asked you questions about how it went, who was there and if you had fun.

8. Pack your lunch ... even when you're an adult

It didn't happen every day, but mom-made lunches are the best. Be sure to thank her for taking the time to make you a delicious meal.

9. Surprise you just because

Whether it's a little gift or taking you out to lunch, your mother loves to spontaneously surprise you and see your smile. She just wants you to be happy.

10. Remember you night and day

No one will remember you like your mom does. She loves who you are and the things you do. She prays for you to be successful and for you to be happy.

You mother has done and continues to do so much for you. Be sure to call her or spend time with her. Be sure to thank her. Be sure to tell her you love her.

The post 10 things only moms do and we should thank them for it appeared first on FamilyToday.

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