Don't skimp on the hole

Even if you bought a $10 tree, dig a $50 hole.

The width of the hole should be two to three times the width of the container the tree came in. Slant the sides of the hole slightly so the top is a little wider than the bottom.

The final depth should be a little less than the depth of the soil in the container. At the proper depth, the tree roots will sit on UNDISTURBED soil. It seems like a 36-inch deep hole and all that good, soft soil ought to be super for growing tree roots. But, over the coming weeks, the soil will settle as you water and the crown (flare) of the tree ends up too deeply buried.

Check the drainage

Fill the hole with water and time how long it takes to drain. If the hole is still full of muddy water after 12 hours, find another place to plant your tree.

Plant with care

The most important half hour in a tree's life is between when it comes out of the pot and when the planting process is finished. Look for the trunk flare. Don't cover it with soil. The trunk should be a tad wider at the point where it meets the ground.

Use the same soil that came out of the hole to refill it. Don't use just compost or other "good" soil. If you do need to add compost, use 1 part compost to 5 parts original soil.

After the hole is about half full, water the soil to help it settle and eliminate any air pockets. (Roots die if they grow into air pockets.)

Finish filling the hole and water again.

Ensure proper watering

Mound a doughnut-type moat around the outside edge of the planting hole. Slope the soil gently down from the trunk so that water doesn't run to the trunk and puddle there.

Water should soak into the roots from the moat's edge to about 4 inches out from the trunk flare (crown). If water stays around the crown, a disease called Crown Rot is likely to get started. This disease can kill a tree.

Water as often as needed to keep the soil barely moist to at least 6 inches down. Check the soil moisture before and after watering by digging a narrow hole down five or six inches. This hole won't damage roots if you dig just outside of where the root ball is. Remember, the hole is much wider than the roots.

Treat newly planted trees with care. Don't let the soil dry out.

Family trees on a genealogy chart trace wonderful stories. Family trees in a back or front yard become a living chart to follow the yearly growth of your nearest and dearest. Hold a family meeting to choose what tree will come live with you, and plant away!

Joy Bossi and Karen Bastow are the authors of Joy in your Garden: A Seasonal Guide to Gardening and The Incredible Edible Landscape.

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We were fortunate to be surrounded by several emotionally healthy, loving and functioning families. They weren't perfect - they regularly experienced struggles and challenges like everyone else. But they seemed to make good role models, something for which we were looking - families in the day-in, day-out routine who had finely-tuned their family dynamics and parenting skills. They could take on a problem, work through it and solve it. I felt like a dry sponge ready to soak up the wisdom they gained from their experiences.

One family had a particularly deep impact on me. Besides the closeness and commitment they had for one another, the father, a successful businessman, made his living by examining, in great detail, companies that were struggling. He'd analyze a company from top to bottom, explain its strengths and weaknesses to the organization's leaders, and if desired, project where the company could be in 10 years. Sometimes, the company would just accept his findings and his job was done. At other times, the firm's leaders asked if he could draw up a plan for the next 10 years and then seek his help in reaching company goals. It was fascinating work. We were intrigued by it, and the stories he told of companies that he helped turn around.

It was apparent to us that some of his organizational principles could be applied to our young family. So we went to work! We began to think about where we wanted the Smurthwaite family to be in 10 and 20 years.

We started by asking ourselves some questions:

• Where did we want our family to be spiritually inΒ 10 years?
• How could we achieve ongoing family closeness, trust, and communication?
• How could we keep a pulse on our responsibilities at home and in the workplace, yet still make time for _recreation,_

social experiences, and developing personal interests and hobbies ?

• How could we encourage our young family to develop a work ethic and embrace learning?

We had a lot to consider!

While our intent was not to run our family like a business, we knew we could use some of the principles of an effective business model to help our family be more successful. We knew it would take time and commitment, lovingly executed. We also knew there could be no shortcuts. The stakes were high and we had to commit the time and energy that were needed. Along the way, we had to learn how to prioritize and balance the basics, ditch the unnecessary, and keep our long-term goals in sight.

Thirty-five years of marriage and four children later, here's what we've learned:

• You will make mistakes. Learn from them and alter your course.
• Your goals need regular evaluation; make it a priority.
• Love is the most vital element in your family circle.
• Forgiveness, admitting fault, and apologizing quickly are crucial.
• Helping your spouse, your children, and yourself reach personal goals is enriching and necessary for esteem and emotional well-being.
• Work hard and play hard together.
• Celebrate successes, especially the small ones.
• Create your own traditions and memories.
• Wit and wisdom will always be golden.
• Warm cookies and cold milk really do help.
• Your family members should truly be your best friends for life.

A decade or two of dedication to family holds millions of small teaching moments that will linger in the hearts of your children for a lifetime. While you will be a parent for years, childhood is fleeting. Embrace the journey and never underestimate your influence for good, even in the minute corners of your life.

Our friend, the consultant, knew much about rescuing troubled businesses and some of what he taught helped us as a family. How willing are you to invest in your own family? The rest is up to you. Decide today that you will focus your energy on your family first and be willing to invest yourself fully, in love and commitment, to this sacred trust.

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1. Trust what works. Ever have the day when you feel awful no matter what you are wearing? Well, trust in what has worked in the past. Ladies, wear the outfit that has a tendency to turn heads; do your hair and make-up in a fool-proof way. Gentlemen, wear those clothes that you know you look good in; style your hair and clean up your facial hair. Then no matter how bad you feel, you know that you are at least presentable. You will be surprised with all the compliments you receive.

2. Repeat in the mirror and in your head a power statement, such as "You are a confident, strong person;" "You make a positive difference;" "You have a job that allows you to make dreams come true;" "You have rockin' calves;" or "You are beautiful and kind."

3. Literally fake it until you make it. Hold your head high and smile. Walk tall and slow, making sure not to trip. Make eye contact with people, especially the leaders in the room, leaders of the event, social leaders, really anyone of importance. When you introduce yourself, talk slow and use both your first and last name. Let the honor of your name boost you. It will get easier after the first few minutes at an event.

4. Call a friend or loved one before you go. I can't count the number of times a friend or family member stayed on the phone with me for the drive and sometimes the first few minutes of an event. To help give you a confidence boost call someone that loves you and even if they talk about cleaning the bathroom you will feel stronger.

5. Take care of yourself. The best way to build self-esteem is to take care of your body. Eat a balanced diet, exercise, read a book to expand your mind, serve other people. When we learn to put others' needs in front of our own, our confidence will instantly begin to grow in the best way, through loving other people.

Being strong can be the loneliest thing in the world. Walking into a room and standing tall for yourself and everything you stand for is even harder. Just remember that when you see that confident person in the room, they might just be repeating a phrase in their head like, "You are strong, you are beautiful, keep smiling, you can do anything."

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By day, we were good, normal and happy citizens above suspicion.

But when darkness fell, that's when the Chocolate Chip Cookie Phantoms sprung into action. That's when we were at our best.

Okay, this isn't as sinister as it all sounds. In fact, The Phantoms, as we dubbed ourselves, were anything but evil.

Allow me to provide you with the background.

I don't have many talents. I can't sing, draw, change my oil, speak Spanish, and some would say, I don't write all that well. But I make a wicked, slobbery good, goes-straight-to-the-hips, face-melting chocolate chip cookie. In this one small matter, I humbly submit, I excel.

I bake a lot of these other-worldly chocolate chip cookies. So many, in fact, that even my family of six couldn't eat them all. We decided to share with our neighbors, rather than continue down the path of expanding waistbands and visiting the plus-sized parts of department stores.

I can't remember exactly who first suggested it would be fun to drop the cookies on a porch, ring the bell, and run like heck before anyone came to the doorstep. But we all liked the concept.

And so it was, that me and my wife, accompanied by our four children, would fix up a plate of cookies, attach a cryptic note signed only by "The Phantoms" and make our clandestine patrols around the neighborhood in our old blue van.

We got pretty adept at it. Organization was one of our strong points. One or two of the kids would deliver "the goods", another one served as the lookout and the fourth was charged with slamming the van door shut, preferably after all of the siblings were back safely in the car, with no hands and legs left dangling part of the way out. My job was that of the getaway driver, and my wife's role was mainly to fuss over the entire operation.

As I mentioned, we were never caught. Never. Beyond suspicion and reproach. We were that talented.

And we loved bumping into our victims in the neighborhood, at school functions, at church, at the grocery store and never mentioning or even hinting about our surreptitious adventure. At all costs, we protected our anonymity. We kept straight faces. If we were discovered, it wouldn't have been the same.

To this day, I remember the excitement and gales of laughter inside that old van after the raid was over. The kids felt great after a successful mission by The Phantoms. I did, too.

We often hear about the younger generation-the kids, the teens, the twenty-somethings-as being part of a group that only cares about themselves. They're decried as self-absorbed, self-centered, and just about any other word you want to link up to the prefix "self." Part of that may be true, but there are also millions in that generation who love to serve others. Maybe that desire to serve-even far from the light of day-is best inculcated within the home, during the growing-up years.

How? Here are three thoughts that might help.

First, teach by example

If your children see you serving others, they'll notice. And the chances are good that they'll see and understand the happiness that service brings to you.

Next, inject some fun into it

Sure, we could have appeared at the doorstep of a family and handed the cookies off, and that would have been fine. Choosing to anonymously drop off the goods at night made it an exhilarating experience for all of us.

Finally, involve your children from start to the end

I admit to gulping-and some of what went down my throat was pride-when I allowed my kids to help make the cookies. But they-the cookies and the kids-seemed to turn out all right. The Phantom experience would have been diminished, I think, if I had made the cookies, selected the families who received them, and organized the approach, drop, and getaway.

Now, the kids are all gone from our home. We donated the old blue van, by then with 170,000 miles (although still running like a champ) to a local charity a few years ago. The lesson stuck. One of our children worked as a volunteer with orphans in Kenya. Another built homes for families in need in Nicaragua. Two others served as missionaries in faraway places. They all seem to have a genuine affinity for helping others, often in anonymous ways.

Did the Chocolate Chip Cookie Phantoms contribute to their outlook about service? Maybe a little. And maybe more than a little.

Since our family has scattered, we've pretty much retired as practicing Chocolate Chip Cookie Phantoms. It wasn't long ago that we heard our doorbell ring and found a plate of cookies waiting for us. No one was in sight. It was a clean getaway. I had to admire the new generation of Phantoms.

The tradition lives on.

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Recently I had a chance to get Jacob's opinions on what he likes and dislikes about staying at the hospital for extended periods and what helps make things easier for him. Mixed in with his thoughts are my own tips and suggestions for coping with the strain of a lengthy hospital stay.

It's fun getting spoiled by the nurses and staff

Jacob loves to have the hospital staff dote on him. We have experienced truly wonderful medical professionals, who take good care of Jacob, both medically and emotionally. My suggestion is to both help them when needed and stay out of their way so they can do their job. As Jacob gets older, I've encouraged the nurses, therapists, and others to talk directly to him, not past him to us. He wants to be involved in his own medical decisions.

Ordering room service makes the stay more bearable

Occasionally, Jacob orders room service from the hospital cafeteria. It makes him feel even more grown up to do it all on his own. If you must be at the hospital for long periods, I recommend taking advantage of any special services the hospital offers, such as room service, relaxation therapy, or even just a quiet place where you, as the caregiver, can watch TV or unwind for a moment.

Join in all the fun stuff to do!

The children's hospital where we take Jacob has a fair amount of games and toys with which he can play. Especially when he was younger, it was particularly important to keep his mind active with such diversions so he would not dwell on what scared him.

Welcome visitors

Jacob really enjoys having family, friends, and neighbors come to visit. We try to encourage these visits as much as is practically and medically possible. When people can't come to see Jacob personally, we read him the messages we get for him in emails and other online posts. If your loved one will be in the hospital for a while, I suggest letting concerned family and friends know about the stay so they can provide needed encouragement and support to help brighten difficult days.

Days go by faster than it seems

. No matter how painful the surgery or how dreary the hospital stay, time marches on, and Jacob soon gets to go home. He keeps the thought in mind that days go by fast and mentions it often. I suggest being very careful not to make promises, especially to younger children, about when the stay will be over. Be hopeful and optimistic, but don't make guarantees you can't honor.

Being away from family and friends is hard

Even though we try to work out our schedules so that there's a family member with Jacob as much as possible, it's not the same as having the whole family at home, together, at the same time. It's also difficult on his brother, who is often by himself or with only one parent at home. If your situation becomes more long-term, adapt your life to bring as much normalcy as you can to both those at home and those in the hospital.

Knowing what is going on can be empowering

. Even when he was younger, Jacob insisted on knowing what his medical treatment would involve. Now, as a 12-year-old, he knows more about medical and hospital procedures than any of his friends! We insist that, as much as appropriate, things be explained to him, and in ways that he can understand — sometimes the staff does that and sometimes we do.

Understand that worry and fear eat at those who struggle with illness

. As Jacob's dad, I wish I could shoulder all his worry and fear. Jacob is strong, and he soldiers on, but I can tell that sometimes he just gets overwhelmed, which breaks my heart. I think the best thing that a dad or mom can do for their sick child is to hug and hold them through it all.

Getting poked and prodded doesn't get easier with time

When Jacob was really little and the nurses needed to draw blood or put in an IV tube, it really bothered him. Even as he gets older, the stick of a needle still, well"¦ hurts! Really, what kid looks forward to getting a shot? Grownups don't like them either, right? Although pain is a part of life, some pain can be eased by learning coping methods, such as breathing techniques and relaxation therapies.

Anesthesia is distressing

. One thing that always bothers me are the release forms I must sign when Jacob goes under anesthesia. The doctors tell us that sedation is a routine procedure and that they've done it a hundred times. That makes me feel better, but then they hand me a form stating that when they put Jacob under, there's a risk he might not wake up. I sign it and they wheel him away into the operating room and suddenly it's my turn to get really scared. I have found that prayer and close communication with medical professionals is the key to coping with the risk of anesthesia.

We have learned so much about how to deal with Jacob's illness by listening closely to his feelings. Getting through long hospital stays can be made easier by listening to a sick loved one's concerns and then taking advantage of all the resources the hospital offers. When you stay informed, realize that the stay won't last forever, and accept the love and support of concerned family and friends, you can survive a lengthy visit.

The post How to get through a long hospital stay appeared first on FamilyToday.

1. Support

That is the number one thing that you can do for them. Without the support of people that love them, dealing with a life-changing disease is so much harder.

2. Know and understand their medication

Rheumatoid Arthritis is treated with lots of medications. One of them is methotrexate. I am thankful when my family understands what it is and the possible side effects. It is much easier to deal with knowing I could lose my hair when my family understands and reassures me that wigs can be fun.

3. Understand their fears

There are new fears all the time. Understand that they are constantly the "elephant in the room". To others, it might not seem like something of which to be scared, but it is to the person suffering. Respect their fears, even if you don't agree.

4. You can't tell how we feel by how we look

Most people that know me have no idea I am as sick as I am, that I am in pain. The people that are hurting the most might look perfectly healthy. Try to understand that our self-confidence and self-image has taken a huge hit and those are some of the hardest pains for people to see.

5. Don't tell them to be thankful for modern medicine

Yes, we know that we should be thankful but sometimes modern medicine is just as scary as the pain. We know that we should be thankful for the medicine, but we don't need the medicine to fix a disease we don't think we should have.

6. Learn to hold your tongue

Some people in my life thought it was "all in my head". Some were vocal about it and some kept it to themselves. I, eventually, stopped talking to the vocal ones about it and when I was diagnosed, a year later, the air was cleared. When people don't know what is going on or what is wrong it's easy to make wrong assumptions.

7. Speak up

I know it is totally opposite from the last one, but speak up and praise the little successes. I know when someone tells me how much happier and energized I seem, it makes me proud. When I am not hurting, I am able to get more done. Little acknowledgments make me feel like I can feel this great every day.

8. Share

If you have read something or have seen something that might help with my health, please tell me about it. Don't harass me, just mention it and please don't be offended if I don't try everything.

9. Don't blame everything in their life on the fact that I now have a disease

Yes, it changed my life and will cause a lot of new problems. However, not everything in my life is directly relates to my health. Maybe I am just tired and stressed. Life is hard whether or not you are sick.

10. Love them through it

Not only do emotions make you handle things differently, but when your body is in pain it affects your mood. Sometimes you aren't cranky or mean on purpose, but you are hurting and it is difficult. Learn to forget quickly. Remember that they are in pain and often don't realize the hurtful things they say.

Dealing with a life-long disease is a lonely and difficult thing. However, with the support of people that love you, a person gains a sense of empowerment. I know that I can deal with anything with the love of my family. Hard things and heavy burdens become lighter and easier when I have help from my family. I can do hard things because they love me.

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What we often don't see is how these princesses develop the most fundamental qualities - what life is like between the "once upon a time" and "happily ever after." Fairy tales are not always happy, perfect, or easy. Sometimes a little princess needs encouragement as she makes her way toward her own happily ever after.

Here are ten princesses young girls can emulate:

Jasmine

is known for her confidence. She knows who she is,and she knows what is right. She isn't afraid to stand up to her father or even the feared Jafar. It's vital to know who you are so that you can stand up for what's right when things are hard. Confidence shows your unique personality in the best light.

Aurora

is always kind and friendly to every living thing. Whether it's the animals in the forest or the fairies who raised her, she treats them with respect and kindness. Finding that quality is rare. When you are truly kind you are different in a powerful and uplifting way.

Pocahontas

displays compassion when she tries to create peace between her tribe and the settlers of Jamestown. She saves John Smith's life by throwing herself between him and the war club wielded by her father. Compassion is the desire to alleviate another's suffering. Compassion will change your heart and the lives of those around you.

Belle

is a wonderful example of knowledge. She reads all the time and tries to learn about the world around her. She makes education a priority. As an educated woman, you can take the world in which you live and change it for the better.

Mulan

I don't think that there is a better example of honor than Mulan. She puts her life on the line time and again for the reputation of her family. When difficult decisions arise, she already knows what she will do: the honorable thing.

Snow White

has integrity, which also makes her trustworthy. Through many trials, she remains honest and is able to get the help that she needs. When you are truthful, people will respect you and be there when you really need their help.

Ariel

displays courage as she stands up for herself and her friends. She never gives up and shows courage time after time. Even as she loses her voice, she faces a new world that is spacious and constantly changing. She teaches us to have courage and face the challenges of life with excitement and determination.

Cinderella

Hard work is most displayed in Cinderella. She works hard to realize her dream, and it shapes her into a woman who understands if you have a dream, work toward it. With enough work, dreams can be achieved.

Tiana

is an independent woman. She has a dream to own a restaurant. She knows in order to accomplish her dream she will have to earn money. Independence teaches you to stand on your own. Learn to be independent and develop confidence in yourself and your abilities.

Rapunzel

Fun is a necessity in life and Rapunzel is an outstanding example. Whether cleaning, baking, running in grass, or exploring, she always has fun. There is magic in every day. Make sure you find it and enjoy the small moments that turn your life into a fairy tale.

Life gives us trials and mountains to climb, which will help teach us these qualities, if we let them. After all, we are all just living between our "once upon a time" and "happily ever after."

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