Maybe you're reading a marriage book by a couple who successfully navigated the bumpy road of conflict. You follow step-by-step what they did, but it doesn't solve your marital problems.

Or your friend gives you suggestions about what do in your free time with your spouse, but their idea of hiking outdoors makes you dread the weekend.

Well friends, you just came across another marriage myth. This is it: contrary to what we think sometimes, methods DO NOT equal principles.

Often, we study a book or reach out to a couple we want to learn from. Then we think, "If only I can implement their exact step-by-step process"¦" And what happens? Sometimes we fail, or sometimes we're simply unproductive. That's because we replicated the method, but missed the most important part. By failing to account for different personalities or relationship dynamics, we ignored the principle being taught and placed the emphasis on their how-to model.

Here's the big idea, the main point you need to get if you want to avoid this myth:

Apply the principle to make your marriage succeed. And apply that principle by finding the method that works for your marriage.

So how can you tell what principle is being taught? And how can you decide which methods you can successfully replicate in your marriage?

Here's an example:

In my post Encouragement Date Night, I shared how Ben and I took journals with us out to dinner and made a list for the other of their best qualities and talents. That idea is simply a method. So what's the principle behind that date? I would summarize it as this: you need to spend time affirming your spouse. Maybe the journal thing doesn't work for you. Maybe you would rather take some alone time to write a letter to your spouse. But without applying this principle (on some level), your marriage will suffer. Find a way that works in your marriage to successfully affirm your spouse.

Make sense?

We ignore a lot of good wisdom when we toss out a truth simply because of the technique it's attached to. And sometimes the reason we're not finding success is because we're stuck using methods meant for others, or we're not altering the method for US to use. So before you get stuck feeling unsuccessful or quickly throw out an idea because the method seems irrelevant, find what the principle is. Then come up with a way to apply it.

Sometimes we don't know if a method will work until we try it, but don't give up! Keep thinking of ways that you can apply the principle together. If you can ignore the myth about methods and put the principle into action in your marriage, you will find success together!

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Real Married Life. It has been republished here with permission.

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Men crave respect. Your husband desperately needs to know that you are proud of who he is, and that you think he is honorable and respectable. The way you talk about him reflects on him. Both in front of him and behind his back.

While I recognize this is a problem for both husbands and wives, I'd like to address wives in this article. So here are a few ways you can quickly ruin your relationship with your husband and a few things I've learned about treating my husband in public:

Wrecking his public image

I find that the tone I use to speak about someone behind their back influences the tone I use with them in person. Beware of "venting" because it rarely stops there, but it continues to taint your interactions with them later.

You don't get to complain about him and his flaws publicly

. If I share any of Ben's shortcomings, it happens in a situation of counsel. It's rare, and it's private. We've mutually decided it's OK to share the other's flaws in two situations. The first is if we are helping someone through a marital problem with lessons we have learned. The second is when we are seeking counsel about being a better spouse.

So to boost his public image, you need to brag on him. Even the simple stuff! While there may be things in our marriage that have become pet-peeves, or that I find annoying, that's not the public image that I want for Ben. My speech should honor him and make others see the things that I respect about him. I married REALLY well, and others should know that I don't take it for granted! Show others how much they should respect your spouse by setting the example.

Wrecking his self-esteem

You don't get to make fun of him - leave the jokes about your husband up to him. Harmless joking can turn hurtful or turn HIM into the punch line if wives aren't careful. Even if your husband can take jokes pretty well, it's not your job to make them.

Never say anything that will embarrass him. After we get home from a party or dinner, I like to just check in and ask if I said anything that embarrassed him. We even have a list of specific stories that are off limits because one of us will feel humiliated if they get brought up. Remember, your spouse gets to be the judge of whether they found something embarrassing or not.

If you ever notice that you said something which shamed your spouse, immediately apologize in front of the people that heard it. You also need to extend a very sincere private apology later.

Wrecking your intimacy

Guess what - kissing and telling is bad! It shouldn't be public knowledge what your sex life is like.

You don't get to share information unless you have talked beforehand and mutually agreed on what stories and details can be shared - and with what kind of audience. It needs to be innocent humor or helpful to build the marriages of others. And there are some stories, jokes, or problems in the bedroom that need to be for you two only. The longer we are married, more codes and inside jokes are created, bringing us closer together. The sweetness of some things will only be lessened when you share them. Inside jokes bring the people on the inside closer together. So don't let anyone else inside!

Likewise, don't be afraid to get help (from appropriate sources like doctors, counselors, trustworthy mentors, or confidential friends) for personal issues, but don't allow sharing to wreck your intimacy.

Few things plague me as much as the times when I have hurt Ben by how I treated him in public. My heart breaks for couples who struggle with their public interactions, shaming or embarrassing the other at the expense of making a joke or improperly airing conflict.

You have incredible power to encourage

(or wreck) your husband by the way you talk about him to others. When we treat each other well, especially in public, we can develop a deep closeness and bring a lasting respect to our relationship.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Jo Cross' blog, Real Married Life. It has been republished here with permission.

The post How to treat your husband in public appeared first on FamilyToday.

The door creaks open, you hear the keys jingle, and you know they're home. Who is typically more excited to see your spouse walk in the door: you or the dog? Pretty sad to think about sometimes"¦

Every time our spouse walks through the door, we are given a chance to show them affection, value, and love. Often they are met with complaints, demands, or distracted, half-hearted greetings. I know that response because I do it too!

After hearing author Pam Farrell challenge wives to respond to their husbands with joy and excitement, I knew I needed to change my habits. Here's what we have found to best communicate, "Welcome home, honey!"

Give Future Notice

Call or text to let them know you are on the way. I best receive my husband Ben when I wrap up my project or mentally prepare for a short break. Having those few transition minutes can make such a difference in the entire night. If you're a parent, spend a few moments preparing your children. Let them know that they can greet their parent, but that they also need to allow some space for Mom and Dad to reconnect with each other. On the other hand, if things at home just got crazy, you can let your spouse know on the phone what they are walking into when they get home.

Give a Long Hug

The average hug lasts three seconds. But don't run away after that! Give them a LONG hug. How long?

In an article based off of a University of North Carolina Study, 20-second hugs are proven to fix things. Oxytocin (the bonding hormone) increases, and cortisol (the stress hormone) decreases. You can make some major changes in your health and closeness to your spouse just by taking time for an extra long embrace.

Give Full Attention

Find a place to spend a few minutes where you can give each other attention and time to catch up from the day. It works best if I leave my computer in another room or walk away from the desk where all my paperwork is. Get distractions out of view! What will work for you? The porch, your bedroom, the love seat in the family room? Try to get away from things tearing your attention away from your spouse.

Coming Home Happy

It's not just welcoming the other spouse. If you're the one coming home, aim to make your spouse glad to have you home again!

Sometimes, the problem needs to be left in the car before you walk through the door. I remember one night, I was driving home after an emotional wreck of a day, being hit with problem after problem. I knew that Ben would be there to encourage me and deal with tough experiences. But I also knew these were problems that didn't have to be dealt with at home, and that I could start our night on a positive note if I dropped the problems before walking in the door. So I drove around the block. I shed a few tears, relived it a few times, and moved on. Four circles later, I was ready to come home!

I texted Ben to let him know I had a hard day, but felt ready to move on together, and it was a great night! Keep in mind, I would never tell a couple to sweep a legitimate problem under the rug. But if the situation allows you to move on, don't drag it into your relationship. Instead, take some time to be optimistic!

Try one of these ideas tonight and see what a difference it can make. Go the extra mile to welcome home your honey!

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Jo Cross' blog, Real Married Life. It has been republished here with permission.

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