Despite the advice of some well-meaning people, I never resorted to crying it out with Jack. I believe all parents have the right to make the best decision for their child, and Forrest and I never felt good about letting Jack cry it out, despite his terrible sleep problems. He's had health problems since the day he was born, that often result in pain, so we just didn't think it was the right decision for us. And before any of you think I'm judging you if you used crying it out, I'm not. It just wasn't right for us!

Because of that decision to not use the cry-it-out method, I found myself searching high and low for tips to help Jack sleep better. Even though it took a little longer to get him to sleep through the night, it was worth the effort and sleepless nights. He now goes to bed really easily (well, at least when we are at home) and takes a nap every day between two and four hours. I like to think we're being rewarded for those many sleepless nights.

If you are finding yourself with a child who just won't sleep, but for whatever reason don't want to use crying it out, here are a few things we did that we found effective. Some of these ideas are based off of "The No-Cry Sleep Solution", which is a book I highly recommend. It's very well written and has some great tips. While none of these are fast fixes, I believe they are gentle ways to help your child be more comfortable!

1. Routine

Children are creatures of habit. I think one of the most important things you can do is establish a sleep routine early on. With Jack, we usually put him down to sleep at the same time every night, but it wasn't until we finally started having a very specific routine right before bedtime that he not only stopped fighting us when we put him down to sleep but seems to look forward to our nightly rituals. I'm sure our routine seems a little bit silly to some, but it works. One night when I was away taking some photos for my sister-in-law, Jack was having problems going to sleep, so I sang to him over the phone the song we always sing, and it helped.

It can be hard to make sure your child goes to sleep around the same time every night, but it's important to try and do so. Their bodies start to get tired around the same time if it's done over and over again. If you are putting your child to sleep at random times, it can confuse him, making it hard to get him to sleep ever!

2. Comfort

I think it's important to make sure your child is comfortable and knows you haven't abandoned her. Whether or not you decide to have your child cry it out is up to you, but whatever you do, let her know you haven't left her to the wolves.

Before your put your child down at night, be sure he has a clean diaper on (who wants to sleep in a wet one? No child I know), and that the clothing he is wearing is appropriate for the climate and temperature. There have been a few times that we put my son to bed with just a onesie on, and he woke up earlier than usual because he was so cold.

Giving your child a comfort item at night is a great idea, too. Whether it's a favorite blanket, a stuffed animal or something else, having something to cuddle at night can help them feel less alone. For my son, he has to have some of his little trains, his "Grammy" blanket and his WubbaNub before he'll let us leave the room.

3. Wind down time

This is something Forrest swears by. It seems like right before bedtime is when Jack gets the most wound up, especially when we've been spending time with family. For anyone, it can be hard to go straight from non-stop fun, to non-stop quietness. Right before nap time and bedtime, we take about 10-15 minutes where we help our son wind down a little bit. It usually involves reading a book, or just snuggling on the couch, but we've found that he goes to sleep much easier if he's not wired.

And when you think about it, isn't that the same for most of us? I know that when I try to go to bed after a rather intense workout, or even watching a captivating television show, I have a really hard time falling asleep. It can take some time to wind down, but the 10 minutes that it takes is worth it, when it prevents 60 minutes of whining and trying to avoid sleep.

4. Sleep associations

The author of the "No Cry Sleep Solution" suggested creating "sleep associations," which is basically something that the child only associates with sleep. This can be anything from soft music playing, to a blanket, to lavender essential oils in a diffuser - it just has to be something that is only used during sleep time. It may take time to create a sleep association, but after a little bit of consistency, these sleep associations can be incredibly powerful and comforting. For Jack, we have some white noise that we only put on right before bedtime or nap time, and as soon as it goes on, he falls asleep pretty soon after.

5. Wear their blanket

This is something that works best with younger children (under a year.) Infants are usually comforted immensely by the scent of their mother, especially at night. And since you probably don't really want to climb in their crib and sleep with them, putting a blanket, or even an article of clothing, near them that smells like you can help calm them down.

When Jack was smaller, I would often put his swaddling blanket around my neck, like a scarf, for about two hours before I wanted to put him to bed. When it was bedtime, I would swaddle him in it, and I feel like it helped him fall sleep faster and longer. It's not recommended to put loose blankets or pillows in a baby's bed when they are young, so keep that in mind.

6. Bath

A lot of children are very soothed by their baths, and it can help them sleep better. Jack isn't one of those children - he's hated bath time since he was about 9 months old. However, from everything I've read, giving your child a nice, warm bath right before bedtime can help soothe their minds and body and prepare them for bed. Lavender is a scent that is oft associated with relaxation, so if your child isn't sensitive to scents, I would recommend getting a lavender shampoo or bubble bath. We always like using Lavender and Chamomile from Baby Magic.

7. Rule out illness

As I mentioned, our primary reason for avoiding crying it out with Jack was because of his health problems. He has had digestive problems, acid reflux and ear infections since he was young, which does affect sleep. This was something we discovered after several doctor's visits. After countless ear infections, he had tubes put in, which almost immediately helped him sleep better. The stomach problems have been harder to help, and he does occasionally still wake up because of them, but not nearly as much as he did before.

Not all children have health problems if they are having problems sleeping. However, some do, and if you find your child just won't sleep, or cries inconsolably for hours, I would definitely consult your doctor. You never know if there's any underlying problem! If you find that your child is having a lot of gas, one thing you can do is use gas drops. We never had a ton of success with this (since Jack's problems were more than just gas), but I know a lot of people swear by them.

8. Patience

It's not realistic to expect your child to sleep through the night a few weeks after they are born. Nor is it realistic to think that it may not take a little bit of work. There will always be those children that start to sleep through the night, with no trouble, super early on, and then there will be others who, despite your best efforts, refuse to sleep for a very long time. Although it can be incredibly frustrating, and tiring, try and remember that "this too shall pass." Easier said, than done, I know. But I promise, there will come a time when your child will sleep through the night, and you might just miss those middle of the night snuggles.

As always, be careful with putting blankets, stuffed animals or other objects in your child's crib, especially when they are young.

The post Helping your child sleep better without crying it out appeared first on FamilyToday.

Babywearing was one of my favorite things I did with Jack, and it's something I really believe in now. It's probably about as "crunchy" as I get, but I think there are so many benefits. I actually am sad that Jack has passed the babywearing stage (though my current carrier goes up to 35 pounds - he just doesn't want to be in it) because it was such a wonderful experience. I had no idea what babywearing even was before I had Jack, and I was introduced to it as I read different parenting forums on Baby Center. I made my baby wrap when I was pregnant, and I used it daily.

After Jack outgrew it, I tried a variety of other carriers, and I really came to love the practice. As such, I've researched it quite a bit, and I really love promoting it to other moms. While some people don't want to do it (and that's totally fine!), I highly recommend considering it. Babywearing has been around for centuries!

1. Security and closeness

Soon after Jack was born, I remember hearing the "nine months in, nine months on" philosophy. Basically, your baby is in the womb for nine months - constantly with you, warm, compact. Then, when they are born, they are suddenly put into this huge, open space and they aren't always close to you. The "nine months on" idea encourages you to wear your baby for at least nine months, to help ease your child into the world, yet help them still feel close and secure with you.

2. Promotes physical development

Have you ever heard of flat head syndrome? It's pretty common nowadays. A lot of it can be attributed to parents being encouraged to put their babies to sleep on their back, but it can also happen when a child's head is on the ground, against a swing, in a car seat, etc., for extended periods of time. While I definitely used a play mat, a swing and a car seat, I wore Jack even more, which kept his head away from a flat surface. It keeps their heads off hard surfaces like the ground, swings, car seats, etc., which sometimes leads to flat heads. Babywearing is also good for hip development as long as you are carrying your baby in a good position.

3. Healthy for you

Something I found to be fascinating about babywearing is that it can actually help prevent or treat postpartum depression. While I didn't suffer from postpartum depression (just prenatal depression), there were times that I felt stressed, overwhelmed and a little bit sad. Chances are, you will too. However, when I would wear Jack, it would always lift my mood. I've also read many stories, and even read research, about how it's linked to helping with postpartum depression. Babywearing is also great exercise! It's like carrying around a 7- to 30-pound weight all the time.

5. Communication

When your baby is so close to you, you are able to interact with him easier. Whenever I wore Jack, I would talk to him constantly - explaining to him what we were doing, where we were going and just telling him different stories. While I'll admit Jack does have some speech problems, he is very good at communicating what he wants, and has from a very young age. Communication isn't just done verbally but through physical and emotional cues, hand motions and more. Babywearing can help you connect with your baby and learn those cues.

6. Bonding

Not only is it a great bonding tool for mother and baby but for fathers, grandparents and other caregivers. I LOVE when I see dads babywearing, and I think it's a great way to bond with your child. They are close to you, you can talk with them, learn their cues easier, and just feel closer over all.

7. Inexpensive investment

Babies have a lot of gear - strollers, car seats, cribs, swings, bouncers, etc. And while many of them are nice to have for a few months, they sometimes outgrow it. While baby carriers don't last forever, they can last a very long time - some can be used from newborn to age 3! While you'll usually pay between $50 and $150 for a good one, it's definitely an investment worth making.

8. Cry less

Jack had a lot of digestive problems, along with acid reflux, which resulted in a lot of crying. However, almost without fail, when I would put him in my wrap, he would calm down almost instantly. This seems to be the case for a lot of babies that are worn - some research shows that babies who are worn cry up to 40 to 50 percent less. Pretty awesome.

9. More social

OK, so, babywearing doesn't mean your baby is going to be super social and not babywearing isn't going to make your child a social recluse. However, research does show that babies who are worn typically are social and generally feel comfortable around people. If you think about it, it makes sense.

10. Convenient

I was able to get so much done while I was wearing Jack. I would go on walks, use it at the grocery store, sew, work on the computer "¦ pretty much everything! While I used our stroller as well, there were many times that I didn't want to get it out, or I just wasn't able to bring it with us and having my carrier in my diaper bag made life easier. It didn't take up hardly any room! It also frees your hands so you can do other tasks. I LOVE using baby carriers in the airport as well.

11. Sleep well

Jack always slept in my wrap, and that's not uncommon for babies who are worn! If your baby has trouble taking naps, definitely try babywearing. Most babies sleep great in wraps. Although I completely endorse babywearing, make sure that you do it safely! Be sure to check out this post on the basics of babywearing for more information. While there are many different carriers out there, I recommend trying out different ones to see what works best for you. I do highly recommend having some kind of wrap, especially when your baby is very young. They are easy to use, store and bring with you, and it keeps your baby warm and snuggly against your body.

The post 11 reasons to love babywearing appeared first on FamilyToday.

I vote that they rename morning sickness. It really gives people false expectations that once they get through the sickness in the morning, it won't come back the rest of the day.

Don't get me wrong; when I was pregnant, I definitely had morning sickness. Along with lunch time sickness, middle of work sickness, driving home sickness and all evening long sickness.

And it didn't end after the first trimester like people make you think it will either. Nope, I was pretty much sick the entire time I was pregnant. I knew I would be. My mom was very sick with me, and I just had a feeling that I would be getting payback when I was pregnant. Payback it was.

I didn't feel like any tips really worked that well. And I pretty much always felt sick. I threw up on the way to work, and the way home. Right when I woke up and before bed. I can never eat Taco Time again, and I feel embarrassed every time I think about when I was walking down a hill from BYU campus, and I just started throwing up "¦ with lots of people around me.

With that said, here is everything you need to know about morning sickness - what it is, why it happens and how you can manage it.

What is morning sickness

First off, I want to talk about what is morning sickness.

Seventy percent of women experience nausea early in pregnancy and about 50 percent experience vomiting. After the first trimester of pregnancy, about 50 percent of those who had early pregnancy morning sickness will feel totally better. However, many will continue on to be sick for the entirety of their pregnancy.

Morning sickness can be as "simple" as feeling a little sick to your stomach, to full on throwing up multiple times a day to the point of dehydration. No matter what kind of morning sickness you may experience, just know that it's OK to rest. Don't let anyone make you feel like you're being a wuss! No one truly knows what it's like to go through morning sickness unless they have themselves, and even then, everyone's experience is different.

Most morning sickness will strike around six weeks, but sometimes it will happen later "¦ or leave, and then come back several weeks after. I remember going to an appointment at WIC when I was about six weeks pregnant, and proudly proclaiming that I wasn't sick at all. The nutritionist gave me a knowing smile, and said, "Well, wait a few more weeks before you get too excited."

Ha. That's all I have to say. Because morning sickness came on full force about one week later.

So, what causes morning sickness? I'll talk about that next.

Morning sickness causes

There is not one big, catch-all reason for morning sickness. There's a wide variety of factors, but when it comes down to it, you may never know. And just because you were sick with one child doesn't mean you will be sick with all of them, and vice versa. However, here are a few reasons that have been found to increase the likelihood of morning sickness (summarized from BabyCenter.com)

hCG

(human chorionic gonadotropin): When you are first pregnant, your doctor may monitor your hCG level, which is a hormone that rises extremely fast during the early stages of pregnancy. While there's been no definitive study saying this is the cause of morning sickness, it does correlate with the timing of when a woman may first experience morning sickness. When a woman is carrying multiple babies, her hCG levels will be higher, and morning sickness is very common among women expecting more than one baby.

Increased sense of smell

I think this definitely contributed to my morning sickness. When you are pregnant, you do have an increased sense of smell "¦ which is not always a good thing. Things that may not have bothered you before may smell stronger than ever before, causing you to get sick.

Sensitive stomach

This may not be the case for all women, but for some reason, pregnancy can make your digestive system a little wonky. BabyCenter also said that some studies have shown that the presence of Helicobacter pylori, a stomach bacterium, may increase the likelihood of morning sickness. I found this very interesting, because, shortly after Jack was born, I had positive results for h. pylori.

Who gets morning sickness

Most often, you will never know if you will get morning sickness until you're actually pregnant. But, in case you are wondering if you have a higher chance, here are a few factors that may increase that chance:

• Having multiples (twins, triplets, etc.)

• Experienced morning sickness in previous pregnancy (for instance, I have a sister who got sicker and sicker with each pregnancy, and this was the case for my mom, as well.)

• History of migraines

• If your mother or sisters have had morning sickness, you're more likely to, as well (pretty much, I was doomed from the start.)

• You are having a girl. I don't know if I totally believe this, but apparently there was a study that shows women carrying a girl are a lot more likely to be sick.

Dangers of morning sickness

For most women, morning sickness will just make them miserable. However, if, beyond the first trimester, you don't gain any weight, can't keep any food or water down, you may be at risk for various complications.

The most serious complication is called hyperemesis gravidarum, which happens in about one out of every 100 pregnancies. Kate Middleton brought a lot of attention to this during her pregnancy, and I'm glad it did (though I'm not glad she was so ill.) If you have hyperemesis gravidarum, it's not just an occasional bout of nausea, or throwing up every now and then. It's a serious illness that often can land you in the hospital, and can cause complications with your pregnancy. Thankfully, there are medicines that can help with it, but many women who have it often have to get IV drips to rehydrate them.

Morning sickness survival kit

While I had a hard time finding anything that made me feel 100 percent better, there were a few things that helped. And, when all else failed and I still felt sick, there were a few items I had to have on hand. Here are a few ideas of items you might always want to have close by.

Preggie Pop Drops

I was skeptical about these, but honestly, they did take the edge off. Plus they taste delicious!

Bowl or bag

As much as I hate to admit it, there were many times I was in the car, or work, or walking on campus, and I just had to throw up. And the times where a bowl or bag was handy made life so much easier.

Mints or toothbrush/toothpaste

This is probably self-explanatory, really, but if you get sick "¦ you'll probably want to get that flavor out of your mouth.

Facial wipes

Just to wipe your hands, face, etc.

Water or Gatorade

It's very important to stay hydrated while pregnant, especially if you have a lot of morning sickness. However, water can be hard to keep down if you have a sensitive stomach. Gatorade is a good choice because it replenishes the electrolytes you lose (be sure to not get one of the zero or low calorie ones, because they have aspartame or sucralose in them! Not so good for you, or your growing baby.)

Hair Tie

I was grateful for having one of these.

Snacks

(variety)

How to deal

Let people take care of you

I don't care how independent you are "¦ if you are feeling sick, let people take care of you! It might be the only time in your life you can truly justify it (growing a person is hard!) Pregnancy is not a time to be prideful!

Track Food/Smell Triggers

Inevitably, you will have some kind of food (or many foods) or smells that you can't stand. One of my sisters couldn't even be in the same room as a sausage, and another couldn't be near ham. If you keep track of what makes you feel particularly nauseous, it can help you avoid the triggers more effectively.

Sleep lots!

Truly, this is the best thing you can do "¦ albeit, it can be the hardest, I know. But sleep whenever you can.

Relax

Morning sickness remedies

Ginger - chews, crystalized, capsules

Ginger helps settle stomachs. I actually tried some ginger crystals once, and while I did not love the flavor, it helped a little bit.

Medication

If you are absolutely miserable and can't even function, consider asking your doctor for a prescription. I don't think that every woman needs medication for morning sickness, but if you really feel like you can't go on, I'd recommend talking to your doctor. The most popular kind is Zofran, but I'm sure there are other kinds as well.

Vitamin B12 + Unisom

A nurse at my OBGYN office recommended this as an alternative to getting a prescription medicine. I tried it a few times, right before I got out of bed, and it helped at least ward off my morning sickness for a while. Be sure to ask your doctor for proper dosing.

Frozen Gatorade cubes

I heard of someone doing this, and I thought it was a good idea. If you have a hard time drinking anything, maybe just suck on a couple of frozen Gatorade cubes. It will help with hydration and replenishing electrolytes, and might be easier on your stomach.

Zinc supplements

Just a tip I found online somewhere. Zinc apparently calms nausea "¦ who knew!

Lemon drops

Just constantly sucking on something can help you fight the urge to throw up, and lemon is supposed to be good for helping with nausea.

Saltines

Bland, plain and not likely to upset your stomach

Anything peppermint or lemon

Don't ask me why, but these are apparently good for settling stomachs. In my opinion, I feel like any smell was too strong while I was pregnant, but it's worth a shot!

Essential Oils

I'm just starting to learn about essential oils and pregnancy, but some people swear by them. Lavender can help you sleep, peppermint and oregano can ease nausea.

Have a snack

right next to your bed for when you wake up in the morning. For me, I would literally throw up five seconds after getting out of bed and just eating a cracker or something gave me a little more time.

Avoid spicy or greasy foods

"¦ no matter how much you crave them! This can really aggravate acid reflux, as well. Which, in turn, can make you throw up.

Wear motion sickness bracelets

These can be purchased at drug stores, Walmart, Target, etc.

Get out of bed slowly

"¦ no need for any sudden movements!

Eat small, frequent meals, every few hours

Never let yourself go hungry if possible!

Did I miss something? I'd love to hear your input!

The post Tips for managing morning sickness appeared first on FamilyToday.

Before I was married, I had a conversation with some guy I knew about what I was getting my degree in and what I wanted to do with my life. As soon as I told him that, more than anything, I wanted to be able to be a stay-at-home mom someday, he started telling me how selfish I was. How selfish I was to waste my professors' time, any scholarship money I had received, and just years of my life to get a degree that I would "never use." Let me tell ya, that set me on fire. I couldn't believe someone would have the nerve to say that, especially someone who is a member of the same church as me, where we are counseled to get all the education we can.

After the encounter with that person, I was more determined than ever to get a degree, even after I had Jack and had a year left of school. I never felt that just because I wanted to stay home with my children someday that I shouldn't get a degree. While I know not every woman can or has a desire to get a degree (and I promise, I don't look down on you AT ALL if that was your decision), I wanted to share some of the reasons why I got a degree, even when my career goals don't involve leaving the home.

I hesitated even writing this post, because I know and respect many women who never got degrees in lieu of raising their children and I think they are probably much better than me in many ways. However, I hope that this post will help another young mom like myself be able to understand why she went to college, despite a desire to stay home with her children.

I wanted to learn

I think one of the biggest reasons is that I simply wanted to learn. There are many ways to learn outside of the classroom, but the type of learning I wanted, I could only find at a university, particularly at BYU. Although I graduated with a degree in communications, I learned about human and child development, science (from both a secular and religious perspective) and I learned more about my religion than I thought possible. As I studied specifically for my degree, I studied under a professor who was a Pulitzer Prize winner. He taught me so many lessons about not only ethics and writing, but about life. I interviewed people from all walks of life, and learned about cultures all around the world. I learned things in a structured environment that I don't think I could have learned elsewhere.

In a way, I feel like going to college taught me how to learn. I'll be honest - I don't think I learned a ton when I was in high school. I learned how to pass tests. And while public school is a whole other debate, I don't think I truly was taught how to learn until I got to college - the kind of learning where I was actually retaining what I was being taught. Really, it was kind of a shock to the system at first. I actually found myself having to really learn material, rather than just memorize it long enough to fill in a few blanks. My grades during my first year of college definitely show that I was re-learning how to learn!

I believe going to college taught me to love learning, and instilled a desire for lifelong learning. Even though my years at BYU are over, I still find myself learning about all sorts of topics on a regular basis and retaining the knowledge like I learned to during my undergraduate years.

Example to children

Lately, I've read from a few different people who talk about how they won't be encouraging their child to go to college, and that they think college is a waste of time. I couldn't feel more opposite.

Yes, there are people who didn't graduate any university, trade school, etc., who have fared quite well (such as, Mark Zuckerberg.) And that's great that they were able to be successful. However, in my experience, I have seen many, many people regret not going to school when they were younger. Whether it's because they weren't able to find a job that could support their family (regardless of their experience), or because they just didn't have the motivation when they were younger, or any number of reasons. Getting your education when you can is important.

I don't know what Jack will want to be when he "grows up," but I do want to raise him valuing education and with a goal to get a degree. Perhaps that won't happen for whatever reason, but I hope he will look at the example Forrest and I set for him and consider it as a worthwhile thing to do.

Support myself and family/security

What if I had said, "Oh, I don't think I'll go to college, or try and get a well-paying job, because I completely expect to get married, have children and have a husband with a high paying job," right after I graduated from college. I'm pretty sure people would have judged me, looked down on me and thought I was completely ridiculous. And, it would have been ridiculous, because when I graduated high school, I had no idea what life held for me. Of course, I hoped to get married and have children eventually, but life doesn't always go the way you want it to.

I know many women (and men) who never married, despite their desires to do so, and the majority of them have a degree in something. I'm willing to bet they are grateful they didn't just skip out on college because they thought they'd have someone to provide for them.

Even though I did get married, and had a child, while I was in college, that is still no guarantee that I am going to make it through life without having to get a job outside the home. I'm realistic, and I know that life rarely goes as planned, and I want to be prepared if the worst were to happen.

Even though I am very blessed to be at home with my son, I do work from home, and I have had quite a few people contact me about having me do work for them and chose me because of my degree. I'm grateful that I'm able to contribute to our family's income, and I believe that my degree helps with that.

The experience

Is it bad that I wanted to have the college experience? Absolutely not! I wanted to make memories and friends that I would cherish for a lifetime. I grew up hearing such fun stories from my parents about their own time at college, as well as some of my siblings, and I knew it was something that I wanted to experience.

I think there are lessons and experiences you can only have when you attend college. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, so that's not the college experience I am referring to. I wanted to enjoy living on my own with people who had similar values and interests as me. I wanted to attend college football games, take interesting classes, and just be in a college town atmosphere. And I'm so grateful that I did!

Even the jobs I had while I was at BYU gave me some wonderful experiences. Because they were jobs available only to students, I wouldn't have been able to have them otherwise. I learned a lot about mental health, organization and marriage and family therapy as I worked at a therapy clinic. When I worked at a museum, I learned more about anthropology, Utah, and other cultures than I would have otherwise.

And really, I had experiences I couldn't have had otherwise. I experienced consequences for sleeping through a class, or staying up way too late watching the show "24." I learned how to live with five other girls, all with varying backgrounds and schedules. Even though I went to BYU, which is primarily white and LDS people, I still met so many people from different backgrounds and cultures that I don't think I would have otherwise. The experience of going to college is one that I don't think you can easily replicate.

Teach my children

I believe that education starts in the home. I believe all parents, regardless of their education status, have the ability to teach their children morals, how to read and write and other essential things, but I feel having a degree has enabled me to teach in a different way. Sometimes I consider homeschooling, but even if I don't (and I probably won't), I want to teach my children where I feel their schooling lacks, and even teach them things I don't believe they are learning at a school. I want to not only be able to help my children with their homework, but able to effectively research a topic and to love learning. If I do choose to homeschool, I feel that I'm better prepared than I would be otherwise to do that.

Access to more resources

Even though I've now graduated from BYU, I still will be able to reap the benefits. BYU (and I'm sure most colleges) has a huge database of job opportunities and ways to connect with other alumni, even for people living outside of the state. I also am able to participate in activities with the BYU Alumni association (I'm actually currently the secretary of the Denver chapter). When I was a student at BYU, I had access to an incredible library (as well as tons of online research databases, only available through the college), countless activities, cultural events, teachers who had incredible stories and experiences to share, and much, much more. I could use Adobe software for free on campus, was able to get tons of student discounts places, etc. While I didn't go to college solely for these purposes (obviously), they sure were a nice perk.

I felt like I should

I'm a religious person. I believe in prayer and in personal revelation. For me, I always felt like going to college wasn't an option - it was a necessity. It was something that I had felt strongly about since the time I was young, and I believe was confirmed to me through prayer. For whatever reason, I was supposed to go to BYU and get a degree when I did. I obviously met Forrest while I was there, and that changed my life for the better, but I know there were other reasons why I needed to go to college. I may never know the extent of why I was supposed to, but for me, feeling like I was supposed to was one of the greatest reasons of all. I will never regret it.

Options

I feel like going to college gave me lots of options. I could work, stay at home with my children, or even go back to school later on and get a graduate degree. Of course, all of these are options for people who don't go to college, but I think it would be a lot harder to go back and get a graduate degree when I'm older, if I first had to get an undergraduate degree. Even though to some a college degree doesn't mean anything, to me, I believe it gives me so many options.

I'm not always the best at expressing myself, or my thoughts, but I hope that I was able to convey a few reasons why I went to college. I don't feel like I really need to justify it to anyone, nor do I think I'm better than people who didn't go to college. However, I did write this with the hope that someone else can relate to it. Whether or not you agree with me, I value education and believe that getting a degree is a good decision. It was for me, at least!

The post Why I got a degree when I just wanted to be a stay-at-home mom appeared first on FamilyToday.

Before I start, I want to make one thing clear - I love my son more than just about anything. He means the world to me, and I never want anyone, especially him, to ever think he wasn't wanted. I'd go through everything I went through with my pregnancy 100 times for him.

Most people have heard of postpartum depression. It's a very real and often devastating problem that many women experience during their pregnancy. While in the past it was something that women didn't talk about, and would suffer in silence over, in more recent years, it's something that people talk about more, and women are more aware of. Which is wonderful.

However, what about antenatal depression (or prenatal depression)? According to BabyCenter.com, until recently, experts thought that pregnancy hormones helped prevent depression during pregnancy. However, it is now believed that not just the rapid decline in hormone levels after birth can cause depression, but the rapid increase during pregnancy can disrupt brain chemistry, resulting in depression.

My experience with depression during pregnancy

I always wanted to be a mom. Growing up, I always felt like that was what I was meant to be - a mother. Whenever we were asked what we wanted to be when we grew up, I always would write down mom. Even though I never knew when I would become a mother, I knew it was what I wanted to be.

Fast forward to July 4, 2011. Forrest and I had been married about six months, and we were both in the middle of classes. Some of my family had been visiting from Colorado, and had just left our home to go about an hour north to stay with one of my sisters. Right after they left, I found out I was pregnant.

Despite always wanting to be a mom, I didn't think this was the time. Instead of feeling joy and excitement, I felt scared and alone. I went up to my sister's house later that day and I was on the verge of tears the entire time. My family all thought I was just being weird and overly sad that Forrest had to work that day instead of coming with me. I was sad he wasn't there, but mainly because I felt like I had no idea what was about to happen to my life. I remember my brother-in-law, AJ, made some joke about how I was probably pregnant, since all my sisters were. Little did he know.

Over the next few weeks, my mood didn't improve. I woke up in the middle of the night having serious panic attacks. I never experienced anything like that before, and I felt like I had no control over how I was feeling. I worried that my family would be mad at me for being pregnant (don't ask me why, I have a very loving and supportive family), and I was sure my life was over. I thought about how I would never finish college, have a career or get to travel with Forrest (I've never wanted a hard-hitting career, and I never really had a huge desire to travel anyway.) I felt like a completely different person.

Around seven weeks, I started having horrible nausea and morning sickness, which lasted most of my pregnancy. Needless to say, that didn't help matters. Most days I just walked around, feeling like I was in a daze. When I went to my first doctor's appointment, I sat there and sobbed to the nurse. She was my saving grace that day, as she calmly sat there and listened to my (mostly irrational) fears. At that point, the only people who knew I was pregnant were Forrest, the doctor's office and a random lady who cut my hair a few weeks previous. Needless to say, at a time that I needed support the most, I didn't have it (which was obviously by choice at that point.)

I ended up dropping the two classes I was taking that summer because it was just too overwhelming. Most of my time that summer was spent in my room, while Forrest worked as a lifeguard at weird hours. I was working part time at a museum, trying my best to cover up my nausea and general disinterest in life.

Over the next 28 weeks, I tried my best to get over my depression and anxiety. I had a lot of guilt - there were so many women I knew who would do anything to be in my position, and here I was, pregnant without even trying and feeling completely distressed about it. I was constantly beating myself up about it. Despite it all, I knew I loved the baby that was preparing to come to our family. I loved him so much, that I felt guilty that he was going to be coming to a person like me - someone who was selfish, who was depressed. I knew he was going to have the best dad in the world, but when I was pregnant, I felt like I was worthless, impatient and unworthy to be the mother of such a perfect human being.

I didn't know where to turn. I channeled all my energy to making sure I did everything with my pregnancy right - I thought if I took anti-depressants, it would hurt my son. I refused to eat anything that might possibly hurt Jack (no lunch meat, hot dogs or even cantaloupe.) As it turns out, overly worrying about things is a symptom of anxiety/depression during pregnancy.

There were a few moments throughout my pregnancy where I felt hope, all of which surrounded my sweet Jack. Feeling him kick for the first time, and seeing him in ultrasounds. I held onto those moments, because they gave me a glimpse of hope.

The moment I held Jack for the first time was a moment I never will forget. I felt like all the sadness and despair I had been feeling for the nine months prior disappeared. Those first few days in the hospital were perfect. When I went home, I did experience a little bit of postpartum blues, but after a few weeks, that was gone, too. Even though I had embarked on the hardest journey of my life, it was already the most worthwhile. Despite all I had gone through, it was all worth it - all my irrational thoughts were just that, and I was (and still am) completely in love with Jack.

Causes and who is at risk

While there are triggers for depression during pregnancy, someone who was happy every day of their life up until the day they got pregnant can still be overcome by depression. While there isn't a firm cause, either, it's likely because of the sudden surge of hormones, causing the chemistry in the brain to go awry. Below are some situations that may put a woman at a higher risk for experiencing depression while pregnant.

• History of depression or anxiety (either person or family)

• Difficulties with relationships (marital, family, etc.)

• Fertility issues

• Previous miscarriages or loss of child

• Stressful life events

• Past or present abuse

• Unplanned pregnancy

• A particularly challenging pregnancy (specifically due to health issues)

Symptoms of Prenatal Depression

Many women feel periods of sadness throughout pregnancy, and while those are definitely very tough, about 7 to 20 percent of women will experience prolonged depression during pregnancy. Many of the symptoms are emotions that pretty much every woman experiences while pregnant. However, if you find yourself experiencing this on a prolonged basis, and not just occasionally, you may be experiencing prenatal depression. Here are some symptoms of prenatal depression (from BabyCenter.com)

• A sense that nothing feels enjoyable or fun anymore

• Feeling blue, sad, or "empty" for most of the day, every day

• It's harder to concentrate

• Extreme irritability or agitation or excessive crying

• Trouble sleeping or sleeping all the time

• Extreme or never-ending fatigue

• A desire to eat all the time or not wanting to eat at all

• Inappropriate guilt or feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness

• Panic attacks

• Frequent, recurrent concerns about your or your baby's health or a frequent feeling that something terrible is about to happen.

• Feelings of guilt, anxiety or worthlessness

• Fatigue or loss of energy

• Impaired concentration

• Changes to eating habits

• Weight gain (beyond normal pregnancy weight gain) or weight loss

• Lack of interest in activities that you usually enjoy

• Recurring thoughts of death or suicide

What to do

I'm not a therapist or a doctor, obviously, but if you are experiencing symptoms of depression during pregnancy (or if you suspect someone you love is), the most important thing you can do is get help. I didn't really do this, and I wish I had. I suffered in silence, when I didn't need to.

We came home to Colorado for Christmas, and that was the first time I really opened up to someone besides Forrest about how I was feeling, and it helped. I remember sitting in my parents' living room, just sobbing uncontrollably to my mom and a few of my siblings. I think that was the first time I cried since that first time in my doctor's office, and after that, I did feel better. Not 100 percent (that didn't come until about two weeks after Jack was born), but better. And after that, people knew I was hurting, and they helped me.

So, if you are experiencing depression, here are a few things you can do:

• Talk to your doctor. They can help you see what options there are for controlling depression, including recommending you talk to a therapist. It's very important to tell your doctor how you are feeling, so you can determine the best course of action. If left untreated, depression in pregnancy can lead to lower birth weight.

• Find someone to confide in. Feeling like you have no one to talk to or confide is the worst feeling, and you shouldn't feel like you have to suffer alone.

• Take one day at a time. Rome wasn't built in a day. Take each day and try to do something that lifts you up.

• Exercise. Whenever I took the time to exercise, I did find that it lifted my spirit. There were many days where I didn't want to.

• Join a support group - either an in person, or an online one. There are a lot of women who have gone through depression, and want to help others. Sometimes it's just nice to talk to someone who knows what you are going through. I do caution about online support groups - you can find great, uplifting information "¦ but very negative, depressing information as well. Just be careful.

• Eating the right foods can help. Make sure you are eating healthy foods, plenty of amino acids, and healthy fats. And don't forget your prenatal vitamin. (See more tips for a healthy pregnancy here.)

To anyone suffering from Antepartum Depression

I want you to know that you are not alone. And that while feeling so much despair is hard, and oft times seems hopeless, it is surmountable. Don't be like me - I wish I had asked for help, and talked to people more about how I was feeling. It is not something you have to go through alone. Even if you feel like you have no one, I truly believe that we are never alone, even in our darkest moments.

The post Depression during pregnancy: My experience, causes, symptoms and help appeared first on FamilyToday.

In the Healthgrades.com 2013 Women's Health Report, they emphasize the importance of making educated healthcare decisions in order to have the best outcome. I found this report to be very informative, as it focused on the best hospitals in the country for women. The part that stood out most to me was the section on maternity care. It talks about different complications that can arise from different kinds of births. I learned quite a few things that I hadn't heard before, and I highly recommend reading it as well.

When choosing the healthcare provider who will help you throughout your pregnancy, I highly recommend checking out websites like Healthgrades.com. Here, you can find out all sorts of information about potential physicians, hospitals and practices. When I was trying to find an OB-GYN, I consulted with Healthgrades, and it was one of the most helpful websites I found. It's pretty comprehensive, and I've been able to find information for just about every doctor I've ever wanted to look up there.

Looking online can also be helpful, because you can see how others feel about physicians. While some of these things should be taken with a grain of salt (for instance, I LOVED my doctor, but others online talked about how much they hated him), this can give you a general idea of how others feel about physicians in your area.

It's important to find a doctor early on, because quite often, OB-GYN offices are scheduled out several weeks. I would recommend calling as soon as you find out you are pregnant, just to make an appointment. In case you aren't sure what doctor you want to go to, here are a few questions you can ask beforehand (if the doctor you want to go to allows that) or take note of during your first appointment. If you want to change, doing it early on is better than at 38 weeks.

C-section rate

Not only should you ask the C-section rate of your physician, but of the hospital. Before I had Jack, I was able to find a report for hospitals on maternal care, and I was pleased to see that the hospital I delivered at had a lower rate than other hospitals in the area. While I'm not opposed to C-sections, especially in emergency situations, I know that overall, it's better to avoid them if they aren't necessary.

Philosophy on pain relief

This really will depend more on the hospital you deliver at, in my opinion, since the obstetrician really won't be there until you are about to have the baby, and it will be the nurses asking you about pain relief. However, I still did discuss pain relief with my doctor, and I was glad that we were on the same page. Basically, I told him I wish I could have an epidural before I even went into labor, and he said he was glad I wanted an epidural (mainly because I withered in pain whenever he did any checks.)

How long they've been practicing

I'm not saying that going with a relatively new OB-GYN is a bad idea. On the contrary, they probably have the most updated information, seeing as they just graduated. However, I do think that experience can be important, especially if you are having a high risk pregnancy. For me, it gave me great comfort that my doctor had been practicing for 40+ years and had a ton of experience under his belt.

VBAC

Not every doctor is willing to perform a VBAC, so if that is your goal, it would be wise to ask if your doctor will be willing to do one. There are some stipulations behind these, and it's important to make sure you are a good candidate for one. If there is no reason you shouldn't attempt a VBAC, then definitely make sure you find a doctor who is on board!

High risk pregnancy

If you have had a high risk pregnancy in the past, or may have a higher chance of having one for some reason, definitely talk with potential OB-GYNs about this. You definitely want a physician who has had experience with your particular situation. You can find ones in your area by looking around on the Internet, calling local offices, or even calling hospitals.

Induction

Some doctors are more prone to induce a person before they need to than others. Be sure to ask your doctor under what grounds they would induce a person (how long they will let a mom go over 40 weeks, how long they will allow labor to go for, etc.)

Breach delivery

The idea of delivering a breach baby will probably freak most people out, but it is possible. However, many doctors won't do it, and that's probably a good thing. However, there are some very experienced doctors that can successfully do this, and if you want to avoid a C-section at all costs, you can look around for someone like this. My OB-GYN told me that when he gets to deliver a breach baby, it's like Christmas to him, and explained to me that it used to be the norm, but then a few doctors didn't know what they were doing, and gave it a bad reputation, even though it can be safely done.

Where do they deliver

If there is a particular hospital you want to deliver out, definitely make sure your doctor delivers there! Even though my doctor's office was right next to a hospital I had assumed I would deliver at, I found out at about 30 weeks that my doctor didn't deliver there. I was a little taken back by that, since it was right next to our house, but I was later grateful for where he did deliver. However if you do have a specific hospital you want to deliver at, one of the first things you should ask is if your doctor will deliver there!

Partners

Just because you see a certain OB-GYN throughout your pregnancy, doesn't mean they will deliver your baby. I saw a doctor who was in his own practice, but he was in a co-op of sorts with a few other doctors, and they took turns covering weekends. I mean, obviously, a doctor is human and doesn't want to be on call 24/7. They need time off, too! Make sure to ask who the potential delivers of your baby could be. And, after you do that, be sure to check out their record, too! One would hope a doctor would work with physicians who have similar skills and philosophies, but that may not always be the case.

I'm sure there are a lot of other questions you can ask, but I feel like these ones can give you a good, solid perspective on your potential doctor.

The post 9 topics to consider when choosing a baby doctor appeared first on FamilyToday.

In the hospital

Having a good start to breastfeeding is essential for success. The best advice I got about breastfeeding was from my mom. She told me that when I was in the hospital, I should ask for a nurse to help me each time I tried to nurse my baby to make sure he was latching on correctly. This helped a lot. I left the hospital feeling very confident. The nurses are there to help you, so don't hesitate to ask. If the hospital has a trained lactation consultant on-staff, it is worth it to visit with them, as well.

The first few months

The first few weeks (or months!) can be difficult. It takes a while for the breast milk supply to regulate, and this may cause discomfort. To help with engorgement, invest in a breast pump. There will be times when your baby isn't hungry. However, you will want to empty your breasts to relieve that discomfort. Pumping will solve this, and will help create a supply of breast milk to freeze.

Another good investment is nursing bras. Going to a store that specializes in maternity wear, such as Motherhood Maternity, is a good idea. The sales associates are trained to help mothers find the perfect fit. Getting a nursing bra with no underwire is usually recommended, because underwire can lead to blocked ducts. I was told to get two-to-three regular nursing bras, and two for sleeping.

Other essentials in the first few months are nursing pads and some kind of nipple cream, such as Lasionoh lanolin. As your breast milk is regulating, nursing pads will help prevent embarrassing milk leaking situations. The lanolin will help alleviate pain.

There are many people who want to help mothers succeed in breastfeeding. There are plenty of lactation consultants available. Services such as Women, Infants, and Children (WIC) offer free breastfeeding help.

Introducing solids

As soon as a baby starts eating, the weaning process begins. However, it is important to remember that solid foods should not replace breast milk until the child is at least 1 year old. According to KellyMom.com, no more than 25 percent of an infant's caloric intake should come from solid foods until after a year, if possible.

When introducing solids, try offering breast milk as the first choice, then follow with solid food. This will ensure a breast milk supply stays steady, and that baby is getting the nutrients she still needs from breast milk.

Weaning

This can be a touchy subject. When should a mother wean her child? Some say the day they turn one, others say, continue until the child decides to self-wean. To be honest, I think that's a personal decision that no one can make but the parent. However, when a mother chooses to wean her child, there are a few different methods.

Intermountain Moms, a service run by Intermountain Healthcare, suggests the three ways to wean are:

Gradual weaning

Dropping one feeding every few days (or even longer), and replacing with cow's milk. This can be easier because it's not such an abrupt change for the child, and it allows for a mother's milk supply.

Partial weaning

Eliminating one feeding, but still continuing other feedings regularly.

Abrupt weaning

This involves just completely cutting out breastfeeding.

Another method, according to Kelly Mom, is to use the "Don't offer, Don't refuse" approach. This is a slow-moving weaning process. However, it is also the easiest on the child.

Here are a few other tips:

Nursing strike

Some babies will go through what is known as a "nursing strike." This is when they refuse to nurse. This is normal and will typically pass within a few days. This tends to happen around milestone times, where the baby is more interested in practicing new skills than nursing. Not all babies will have nursing strikes. It's important to remember that before about 18 months, most children will not self-wean, so if your baby is refusing to nurse, especially in the first year of life, it is not because they are weaning themselves. This website offers some excellent tips on how to survive a nursing strike.

Increased desire

I've heard many moms talk about how all of a sudden, their baby wants to nurse all the time. Most of those moms also worry that their baby is starving. Rest assured, they probably aren't. While some mothers may have a low breast milk supply, so their child isn't getting enough, this usually isn't the case. According to KellyMom, most babies experience growth spurts between 7 and 10 days, 2-3 weeks, 4-6 weeks, 3 months, 4 months, 6 months, and 9 months. These only last a few days, but sometimes may last up to a week. You may feel like a slave to your baby during these times, but they do pass quickly. If your child is younger than 6 months, it may be tempting to start the baby on solid foods. This should not be done without consulting with the child's pediatrician, especially before the age of 4 months.

Positions

There are quite a few different nursing positions. Experiment with all of them to see which works best for you and your baby. BabyCenter.com describes some of the different positions in detail here. However, here are some brief descriptions:

Cradle hold

Cradling the baby's head in the crook of your arm

Cross-over

Similar to the cradle hold, but you hold the baby's head with your hands

Clutch or football hold

Tuck the baby under your arm

Reclining

Laying down with baby facing toward you

Whichever position you choose, always make sure the baby's air pathway is clear and not cut off. Whatever your decision in feeding your baby, enjoy these moments with your young one.

The post From latching to weaning: The basics of breastfeeding appeared first on FamilyToday.

It was all so innocent.

When I hear stories about other's experiences at sleepovers, it makes me skin crawl. Even though my son is only one year old, I know he will inevitably be invited to sleepovers. While my first reaction is to ban them completely, I know that might not happen. However, as I've talked to others, and thought about the situation myself, I've come up with a few things I plan to do to help keep my children safe at sleepovers.

1.

Know the parents

 One would hope that all parents would have their child's best interest in mind. A responsible parent will supervise a sleepover to ensure that it is a fun and safe environment. Unfortunately, this isn't always the case. I remember hearing stories about parents who would supply alcohol for their extremely underage children. These parents thought that by allowing that in their home, it would prevent their kids from drinking other places, and getting alcohol illegally.

2.

Teach them values

 Teaching your children values, and the importance of them, is a valuable life lesson. Focus on why your family holds certain standards. In those moments when they are tempted to do something, if they've been taught certain principles they will remember them. That's not to say they will always follow them because children and teenagers will make mistakes. However, they will know if they are doing something that is appropriate. If they have values instilled into their minds, they will be far more likely to avoid trouble than if they had been raised with the mentality of "you only live once."

3.

Teach them to say, "No."

 One of the hardest things an adolescent can do is to say, "No." On one occasion, I remember attending a sleepover of someone I didn't know well. Late into the evening, we started watching a movie. This friend pulled out a movie I knew I shouldn't watch. It took all my courage to say I didn't feel comfortable watching it. Guess what? She, and the other girls at the sleepover, were fine with that. Because my parents taught me that it's OK to say no when I feel uncomfortable, I was able to avoid an awkward situation. Sure, I risked seeming "uncool." Yet, I also knew that if people thought I was lame, they weren't worth trying to impress.

4.

Host Parties

 The best way to keep an eye on children during a sleepover is to allow the child to host them at your house. This isn't license to sit in the same room and listen to their every word. However, it does allow you to enforce certain rules. Make your home a place where your child's friends feel welcome and safe.

5.

Teach them consequences

 If a child thinks he can get away with anything, he will probably push the limits. On the other hand, if she knows that if she disobeys family and house rules, consequences will follow, she may think twice before doing something inappropriate at a sleepover. Follow through if she does break the rules.

6. Gain their trust

When I was a teenager, I realized my parents were two of my best confidants. They were always the first I told about most things in my life. This included anything that had gone amiss at parties. Don't be your child's best friend - be their parent. Make sure he knows he can call you if something goes wrong, or even admit his mistakes. If she knows you are there for her, she will be more likely to confide in you about what is going on in her life.

7. Trust them

Eventually, you have to let your children go out into the "real" world, and hope that what you've taught them has had an impact. It's OK to be cautious, and restrict your children from attending certain events. However, keeping them locked up isn't the right way to go. If they've sufficiently showed that they can be trusted when away from home, then do just that - trust them. Have faith that they will do what's right. If something they don't feel right about comes up, they'll know how to handle it.

The post Keeping kids safe at sleepovers appeared first on FamilyToday.