Davison Cheney – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com Here today, better tomorrow. Wed, 10 Feb 2016 06:30:00 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.8.3 https://wp-media.familytoday.com/2020/03/favicon.ico Davison Cheney – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com 32 32 Valentine’s Day fails (from an experienced husband) https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/valentines-day-fails-from-an-experienced-husband/ Wed, 10 Feb 2016 06:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/valentines-day-fails-from-an-experienced-husband/ The line between what is romantic and what will get a man arrested is a little too fine if you…

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I have always tried to get a jump on things in my Valentine's Day preparation because if I don't plan ahead, people get hurt. It seems the better prepared I am, the fewer the medical costs.

No-vowel skywriting

Last year, I got such a late start that Valentine's Day might have been a complete disaster if it wasn't for a last-minute cancellation my skywriter friend had. So, the only problem ended up being that I was a little cash poor and couldn't afford any vowels ...

ILVY.

Imagined halftime shows

The only other viable option I came up with was to hope the Green Bay cheerleaders, the Cheesettes, got my message in time to spell out my wife's name with giant cheese crackers during halftime of the Super Bowl. But the Packers lost, and the Cheesettes went back to their jobs in high finance. Big plans, no crackers, game over.

So you see, I had but days to pull off the ultimate in romantic demonstrations. Truth be told, I am not very good at figuring out the difference between a) what will be romantic and b) what will get me hospitalized or arrested.

Any sudden and noticeable development in wisdom or maturity aside, I am probably never going to be allowed back into LaVell Edwards Stadium. Suffice it to say that anything with a bungee and a grass skirt is out. No, I would rather not talk about it.

Elementary doily Valentine

When I was young, all I had to do was trace my profile onto a paper heart-shaped doily. Then I would wax quixotic and write something charming and repetitive on the back like, "You are supper, supper!" I'm not sure what I was going for, but it was clear to everyone, even at the tender age of 7, that I needed a hot meal and spell check. No longer can I get away with adorable and daft like I did in grade school.

Blood in the water

When I first started seeing someone romantically in college I bought a gallon of fabric dye to color the water at a university fountain a rosy red to show undying devotion to my girlfriend, who I had been dating for ... Well, I had said hi to her before our Andrew Lloyd Webber class ... twice.

On paper it was dramatic, daring and quirky. However, what looked like Hawaiian Punch spurting out of an aquatic clam shell may have been a little too "Old Testament" if you know what I mean. Hindsight being 20/20 I probably should have stuck with a balloon-o-gram instead of a failed plague on Egypt.

Diamond in the rough

Next case: I heard in a Disney movie a character being referred to as a "diamond in the rough." Such a sweet and childlike thought! What could possibly express my love more than to acknowledge my partner's untapped, undiscovered potential. I was determined to demonstrate to her that I, if no one else, knew her real value. I did this by presenting her with a hunk of coal and an old brass lamp.

Coupon catastrophe

Ever heard of creating charming coupons for the object-of-one's-affection to cash in later? I thought it was a great idea, too. So, I made cards out of bright construction paper for a touch of whimsy. I combined it with a promotion from a local business for a gift of self-improvement that couldn't go wrong-colorful vouchers for a terrific deal on laser hair removal!

At least I wrapped it.

Pink house for a pink day

My greatest debacle was what my wife refers to as "the time of deep shadow." That was the February I painted the front of our house a lovely unexpected color. The shade was called "Begonia."

My thought process was that I would shock my wife for a day by fooling her into thinking I was serious, then paint over it the next day. However, the weather turned from tepid to cold to an Arctic nightmare, at which point my employer sent me to Albuquerque. The front of our house stayed flaming pink for 2 and a half months.

The neighbors paid Google Maps to blur out the entire block and had traffic cones set out to divert traffic. My mother-in-law suggested we run with it and hang a velvet painting of Elvis on the garage door and put a couch on the lawn.

Out-of-this-world love

Now, there are only a few days left before 2016 Valentine's Day, and I am fresh out of ideas. How will my wife know I love her without a hazardous and Herculean stunt? I thought to make a scale replica of Devils Tower with my mother-in-law's fudge recipe and spackle. I could then attach blinking Christmas lights like an incoming alien space ship, we could all hum the theme song from "Close Encounters of the Third Kind," and I could say something like, "Our love is out of this world."

Keep it simple, Stupid

My wife says to forget outer space. She says if I really love her, I will show her how much I care by staying out of the hospital and by being sweet to her ... quietly.

I guess I could try a rose and a poem. It would give me another year to heal. What rhymes with ILVY?

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5 wedding day nightmares you’ll be glad didn’t happen to you https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/5-wedding-day-nightmares-youll-be-glad-didnt-happen-to-you/ Wed, 06 Jan 2016 06:30:01 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/5-wedding-day-nightmares-youll-be-glad-didnt-happen-to-you/ Wedding day mishaps are cute and funny stories ... unless they happen to you.

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Wedding day fails. They are silly, humorous stories we all love to hear about. There is a crazy amount of them on the Internet. Here is a small collection of some of the best.

Wedding horror story #1

"My wedding was unremarkable, except for the picketing and ... arrest of protesters.

"Apparently the church where my fiancée and I were to be married was in the middle of a struggle with a "couple" that had not been allowed to reserve the chapel for a wedding between a man and his dog. It was supposed to be a stunt to promote a local animal rights campaign and the shelter they sponsored. The pastor at the church said the space couldn't be used for such an event. He even offered the use of the lovely garden in place of the chapel, but the activists thought they could get just as much publicity with a strike and a picket line as they could with a doggie-dude wedding.

"All of this was unknown to everyone in my wedding party until we arrived at the chapel, which was surrounded by picket signs and protests around the front entrance of the church. The protesters carried blown-up photos of animals with pithy sayings like, 'Even dogs deserve a partner,' and, 'Dogs are people too.'

"On top of this disservice, the colors of the animal shelter were gray and burgundy, which just so happened to be the colors my wife had selected for our wedding reception and flowers, making it difficult for our guests to differentiate between our event and the doggies'."

Wedding horror story #2

"It was sprinkling ever so slightly when it was my turn to walk down the aisle. Not wanting to up-root the group or have to re-arrange the chairs under the patio, I gave the go-ahead and the march started. The bride's maids were not bothered by the sprinkle. My dress, however, seemed to absorb all the moisture in the air and became very transparent. My fiancé had to give me his jacket, and I spent 30 minutes surrounded by blow-dryers in the reception center before I could have any photos taken."

Wedding horror story #3

"My husband-to-be's mother made her own invitations to send to all of her friends, even though we had already sent out invitations. She didn't like my colors either, so she made up her own. She didn't like the fact that I didn't have a China pattern registered, so she picked out the one she thought I should want and had her friends contribute to that. We were not planning on having so many people at the reception, and we ran out of everything halfway through the evening, so she ordered Chinese food. Later, she had her announcement for us framed, and she hung it up in her family room."

Wedding horror story #4

"My wedding was an adults-only affair and so was the reception. We had gone to great lengths to include water fountains and crystal-very elegant. It was clear the guest list was strictly adult. We decided to do this because of problems in the past with kids being allowed to run wild. My husband's family decided they were not obligated to abide by the guidelines we had set. What a mess-figuratively and literally. Fortunately, my husband knew his family well and had arranged for another room to be set aside for the children. It was stocked with hoagie sandwiches, chips and a baby sitter with duct-tape and ear plugs, so there was no excuse to have the kids in the 'big room.' They still call me the child catcher (like the one from Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang)."

Wedding horror story #5

"At my reception my nephew made prank calls from the phone in the church's hallway, and we had 3 cops show up and tour the building. My brother and 2 of his friends were arrested for possession in the parking lot. My brother was the best man, and he had the ring in his pocket, which we had to get later when he was bailed out. I used my new husband's former girlfriend's ring for the day."

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3 ways to keep your new year’s resolutions this year https://www.familytoday.com/living/3-ways-to-keep-your-new-years-resolutions-this-year/ Wed, 30 Dec 2015 11:09:52 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/3-ways-to-keep-your-new-years-resolutions-this-year/ The percentage of those who made resolutions for the last year was 45%. So, how did we do?

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2015 was the year that the we were going to change the world with our New Year's resolution list: make two of every meal and freeze one for later, go to the store only once a week, stop eating fast food, gain a testimony of something, have a neighbor over for dinner once a month, and cut a laundry hamper into the bathroom floor... The list goes on.

So how did we do on our goals? Let's look at a few national statistics:

  • Percentage of those who made resolutions for the last year: 45%

  • Percentage of those people who considered themselves successful: 8%

  • Those who had marginal or infrequent success: 49%

  • Those who didn't succeed, and fail on their resolutions each year: 24%

It sounds a little depressing, doesn't it?

Now it's a year later and new lists are getting drawn up. (Actually the old list is just getting a make-over by adding the new date and printing it out with a new font.) And it starts all over again — unless we do things differently this time around.

With that in mind — doing things a little differently this time around — here is a statistic that works for us:

Those who actively make New Year's resolutions are 10 times more likely to reach their goals than people who don't make resolutions.

Is it that goal setters have better focus? Do goals give us direction? With goals, do we take control of the direction we are going in? Yes, yes, and you-betcha'.

Goals create a benchmark that says "Here we are, and here is where we want to be."

There are steps to being successful in your resolution for the new year. Sticking the words on the mirror in the bathroom is a positive step, but the words you print should be a reminder for you to do something. Step out of the resolution rut and stop the resolution madness by following these easy rules:

1. Pick one goal that motivates you

That's it. That's the rule. Be specific.

Then write down why it is important. If this is tougher than you realized, imagine that you have to convince a judge why this particular goal is worth your time.

2. Create an action plan

Let's look at losing weight as a goal. (Losing weight, by the way, was the most common New Year's resolution in America for 2015.)

We write our goal down on our refrigerator. Lose weight. Maybe we post a photo of some hot person in a bathing suit for extra measure. It looks good on the fridge next to the phone bill. Now we set another goal, right? Nope. We're not finished with the one we picked.

3. Give your plan a bullet point or two

One plan looks like this:

Goal: Lose weight by...

A) Better eating - better shopping,

B) Walking the block four times a week, and

C) Riding my stationary bike during my "Game of Thrones" time.

There. You have a very specific goal and a plan in the works. The plan can change and shift to accommodate life, but the basics for success are there.

Let's try another goal:

You want to write your book. Everyone says that you are funny and that all of your Facebook postings have encouraging "likes" adding up daily. Of course you don't have an office space until your teenager moves to the basement, which can't be done until your spouse cleans all his stuff out of the downstairs bedroom. The carpet needs to be laid down there before someone can move in, and you really need a blog to start your new career of right, but your laptop isn't really fast and... See the problem here?

Let's nail it down. You don't have to have an office. It would be great, but you have overcome worse problems than that. Remember: what is your goal?

Have success writing this year by...

A) Find a laptop computer bag/case from a thrift store or a lightweight crate for your laptop and supplies,

B) Write one page daily, and,

C) Create a blog (ask the neighbor kid to help) and post bi-weekly.

The rest is superfluous. Want to add another goal? Divide into sections and set a goal for each aspect of life: financial, spiritual, health, and personal relationships. Again, be specific. Get set.

Go.

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Simple Christmas gifts that will bring out the Magi in you https://www.familytoday.com/family/simple-christmas-gifts-that-will-bring-out-the-magi-in-you/ Tue, 22 Dec 2015 10:51:46 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/simple-christmas-gifts-that-will-bring-out-the-magi-in-you/ Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh? Can't pull that off on a budget! Here are a few ideas for the wise --…

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The original gifts of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh are way beyond what most of us, who are trying to live within our means, have to offer. Still, Christmas time seeps in, and we get the gift giving bug like everyone else.

Here are some simple ideas of how to feed the bug and not fall behind on your bills:

Simple tokens

Write a letter of appreciation or capture a memory on paper. It doesn't matter if the paper is plain or fancy. Bows, ribbon and fragrances are optional. Expressing your feelings sincerely is priceless — in a good way.

Make your own Christmas cards. Find inexpensive paper and envelopes. Dampen the paper in water and carefully iron it dry to create an aged linen effect.

Do you have a photo of your grandmother and your mom at the piano or in the kitchen? Make a copy of it and place the photo in an inexpensive frame for a family member.

Copy family photos onto cardstock and cut them out. Attach them to a wire wreath frame for an instant family holiday wreath.

Putting a family heirloom in a deep frame is the perfect gift. Include a card with a memory that includes the item.

Look for little things throughout the year. Wooden boxes at the thrift store, old LP's of their favorite golden-age singer, or a random find like a piece of someone's china pattern makes a thoughtful gift.

On the cheap

Craft stores have letters of the alphabet on sale every month or so. Buy a letter that is meaningful or represents their first or last name. Gold leaf it, antique it, or paint it their favorite color. Then coat with a gloss enamel.

Pinecones cleaned and dried with a little vanilla or cinnamon placed into a plain brown bag becomes quick fire starters for those with fireplaces or stoves.

Nail polish and a polish-remover kit from the dollar store can be placed in a portable caddy for quick and easy clean-up.

A pack of a favorite candy in a cellophane bag with a ribbon? Yum!

Dollar store soaps with their store wrapping removed can be grouped in a jar or tied together in a stack with colorful ribbon.

Purchase a tea cup and a matching saucer at a thrift store or a dollar store. Place a votive wax candle inside.

Create inexpensive sets of refrigerator magnets for their fridge or message board. Spray paint the magnets white and then glue old jewelry or crystals from old chandlers — even small Christmas ornaments — onto the magnets outer face.

An inexpensive throw pillow in the gift recipients colors with a ribbon tied in a bow makes for a festive holiday couch decoration.

Seek out tree twigs and branches and group them tightly. Wrap the stems with ribbon and create a loop. Spray them with inexpensive white paint. Hang them on a door or a door handle.

Green-houses may have sales and heavy discounts on indoor potted plants.

Does your friend or family member have a pet? A box of pet treats, a toy, or a pet brush is thoughtful.

Cookie cutters on a ribbon make for homey Christmas tree decorations, and double as, well... cookie cutters.

Your loved one could use razors or another daily use item. A $10 pack of razors (watch for a sale) are always appreciated — with a scented soap thrown into a jar you find at a dollar store or a thrift shop. Add a festive ribbon and merry their Christmas that quick.

Does your man love tamales in a can? Buy a case when they are on sale for a gift he can use with little fuss.

Make a travel kit featuring travel sized toiletries from the dollar store or the discount bin at the market. Store them in a clear plastic zipper bag with a bow.

Small LED flashlights in a pack are incredibly useful.

Maple syrup and a box of pancake mix or a bag of marshmallows and powdered hot coco mix are always fun and festive.

Lastly, give an ugly gift. Everyone has something ugly they don't want to do, such as cleaning out the storage room or sorting the craft closet. Let your friend know that you will help them with their "ugly something." Write it down and put it in a card. Make sure that you follow through.

We have all had those years when money is tight. It's okay to explain that the relationship you have with your friend or family member means much to you, and that the gift you present is a simple token.

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Common Chrismas-time misconceptions https://www.familytoday.com/family/common-chrismas-time-misconceptions/ Sat, 19 Dec 2015 17:09:11 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/common-chrismas-time-misconceptions/ Drummer boys? Christmas donkey in the stable? If it is good and promotes the recognition of Jesus the Christ and…

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Christmas nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Christmas cards, TV and movies — even the nativity at the church on the corner contain beautifully re-told, well-crafted, sensitive depictions of a Christmas a long time ago that may have looked a whole lot different from what we think.

When was Christ born, for example? Popular concession says December 25th. Many children think of poor Mary, Joseph and a little donkey trudging through the snow. While donkeys tail flaps in the bitter wind — finely reaching the shelter of the walls of Bethlehem with the bright light of the Christmas star shining down on them like a police search light. (Snow in Bethlehem would be like snow in Los Angeles... so no snow. No search light either — which could fit in at Los Angeles.)

Jesus Christ's birth as depicted by New Testament prophets Matthew and Luke contains precious little information about the most important man ever born and the facts of his birth.

Some believe that April 6th is a better date. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' (LDS) leader and scholar James E. Talmage believed that the date of Christ's birth coincided deliberately with the date the church was established.

Several Presidents of the LDS Church, including Harold B. Lee and Spencer W. Kimball, have reaffirmed April 6 as the anniversary of the birth. However LDS leaders have always encouraged LDS faithful and other Christians to observe the 25th in remembrance of Christ's life and example.

Jeffrey R Chadwick, Brigham Young University Jerusalem Center Professor of Archaeology and Near Eastern Studies, believes that Mormons may want to look at this again. His math, which takes into account the death of Herod, taxation customs of the time and other variables leads him to a different number. In his paper, "Dating the Birth of Jesus Christ," Chadwick states:

""¦As far as (LDS) General Authority statements are concerned, the only three sources offering data that may be scrutinized are Talmage's Jesus the Christ, (J. Reuben Clark Jr) Clark's Our Lord of the Gospels, and (Bruce R.) McConkie's The Mortal Messiah. And of these three, the latter two prefer a different time frame than Talmage's proposal of April 6 in 1 B.C.."

Regardless of when, there seems to be no doubt as to the where:

Getting to Bethlehem

Bethlehem was the place by all accounts. Did Mary ride the 70 miles on a donkey? It's more than probable, but a donkey is not mentioned in the original biblical versions.

Regardless of mode of transportation, the couple may have arrived at Bethlehem early and settled in. It makes sense that Joseph would have made plans to not be on the road at such a delicate time. Luke's account (Luke 2:6) simply states that "while they were there (Bethlehem) the days were accomplished that she should be delivered".

In the Inn?

There is no reason to believe that Joseph tried to stay in an Inn. Inns were not generally located in smaller towns, and nowhere in any of the accounts does it say that Joseph knocked on doors to find a room. Nor is there an innkeeper mentioned. As Joseph was of the house of David, and Bethlehem was "the city of David" the couple may have made previous arrangements to stay with relatives.

The bible does not mention a stable or a barn in association with the birth of Christ. Nor does it mention a cave - a frequent literary alternate venue. The accounts state that He was laid in a manger because there was no room for Him in what translates in Greek to be "the guest chamber" (or lodging place, living quarters, or inn). The word "kataluma" is used one other time in the New Testament to define a "guest chamber." (Mark 14, 14-15: Luke 22:11) A separate, distinct word, "pandocheion" was later used in Luke 10:34. It refers to an actual inn.

According to some archaeologists, Jesus could have been born within the quarters of a relative's home on the lower level usually reserved for a common living space, food preparation and presentation, with a section reserved for the housing of animals. Mary may have given birth to the Savior on the first level of a very crowded home.

It would not have been unusual for some animals to be kept in a space on the first floor. There would have been a wall to separate the entrance of the home, a living space, and the area at the back where a few animals were kept in the evening. If, in this instance, the house was overflowing with family, this area would have been cleaned out and stocked for guests. A manger would not have been out of place.

Shepard's at their watch by night

Shepherds did see the child lying in a manger as was told to them by an angel of the lord. They made haste and found the child exactly as was made known to them. They probably left the care of the flock to the newest Shepard, or the loser of the draw, and they definitely left the flock outside the city gate — so no sheep at the manger. (Luke 2:8-18)

Did the angels sing? That is uncertain. They certainly praised, saying "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men."

We three kings

There may have been a count of three wise men, but that number is not mentioned. It is not indicated that they were kings at all, but that they were Magi - plural. Magi commonly refers to priests, wise men, or advisers to rulers. These would have been educated men who would have had studied the stars (ore on that later).

There are three specific gifts listed (and any child will tell you what they were) but no mention of the countries these wise men had traveled from, or what geographic areas they represented.

"We three kings of orient are?" Possibly. They were from the east. Prussia is the safest bet.

It is mentioned that the Magi visited the Christ child in a house. Whether this was the house in which he was born during the first days of the child's birth, or another home Joseph had procured a bit later, it is not said. The child was with his mother, Mary.

How soon after the birth of the Savior was the visit from the Magi? Herod had asked the wise men visiting Jerusalem when the star they were following had appeared. (They had observed the star at its rising months before and had come to pay homage.) Once they left Jerusalem and the court of Herod, the Magi located the star again, and it lead them to the aforementioned home in which Joseph and his family resided.

It is known that after the visit of the Magi, Joseph was instructed in a dream to leave the land and go to Egypt to spare the babes life from Herod. Once Herod realized that the Magi weren't going to help him with more information, he ordered the death of all the males born in those last two years in Bethlehem and the surrounding area - just to cover his bases. Herod obviously had reason to believe — from what the Magi had told him — that the baby could be a little older by then. (Matt 2:7)

Following the star

The Bethlehem star may have been the positioning of two or more planets, a comet, or a re-occurring Nova. It could even have been something supernatural (meaning a phenomena we don't yet understand). But the Magi saw something that they recognized - however subtle - as a sign that had been given to them. They lost sight of it for a time and then found it again as they left Jerusalem. A celestial manifestation was in the sky, and it led them to the savior.

Astronomer Hugh Ross claims that the only plausible explanation is a re-occurring Nova: "Most novae experience only a single explosion. But a tiny fraction have the capacity to undergo multiple explosions separated by months or years. This repeat occurrence seems necessary, for the Matthew text indicates that the star appeared, disappeared, and then reappeared and disappeared sometime later."

December 25th?

Roman feast of Saturnalia had been established towards the end of December in expectation of the winter solstice and its passing, and days that were noticeably longer. Romans feasted and gave each other gifts — celebrations starting at mid-December and concluding at the months' end. (Advent wreath anyone?)

Early Christians began to link their celebration of the birth of Jesus with that current pagan celebration in a time when outward celebrations could call undue attention for followers of Christ. Later (around 400 A.D.) the Christian world adopted the 25th of December as Christmas outright in order to make a holy day out of the pagan festival and replace it with one more suitable to followers of Christ.

Many holiday customs and beliefs that we generally associate with Christmas developed independently from the nativity itself. Some of our traditions have origins in pre-Christian festivities adopted into the general celebration by those who converted to Christianity.

Today, Christmas and its celebrations are worldwide. Stable animals speaking? Drummer boys? Christmas donkey in the stable? If it is good and promotes the recognition of Jesus the Christ, and the development of Christ-like attributes, it is welcome at Christmas.

And we may find that "For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord..." is all we need to know.

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49½ of the worst baby names ever https://www.familytoday.com/family/49%c2%bd-of-the-worst-baby-names-ever/ Fri, 18 Dec 2015 09:28:55 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/49%c2%bd-of-the-worst-baby-names-ever/ De Markin' Racus Johnson and his lovely wife Havuseen announce the wedding of their daughter Anna Maybe Blue Johnson to…

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There will be a future time when naming children after the lovely planet on which she was conceived will be charming. Or when celebrating the newest discovered element on the periodic chart as your child's middle name will rock the casbah.

That time is not now.

Naming your son or daughter after science projects won't fly in the long run. The name Plutonia will have to wait. So will the names Staro'thnorthand Kryptona.

It's not that the Sarah's, Jessica's and the David's of the world get to set the standards for appropriate and normal baby names. There isn't a list of baby names in good taste from which we choose. And because there is no guide book, there is a huge margin for error.

And there is error. Your child will have this name for his or her entire life. It will be read out loud at graduation and written on his or her tombstone.

With that in mind here are a few standards to make sure you don't end up spending you retirement money on your childs therapy:

Stay away from food

Food is not a name for your child. Nor is food left on the road, Carrion.

Don't care if you are a vegetarian, you should leave Cabbage alone.

Bean, Bacon? Dijon? Cobb? Eggburt? Eclair?

And don't think that anyone is fooled withMelony (are they going for Melenay?) It's both a food item and also misspelled.

Creative misspellings

Speaking of creative misspellings, Ledjend will never become one and Budz may have a hard time finding people to hang out with.

Chairish (as in chair-like) may be cherished indeed, but she will never know it. Nor will Raw'Bert.

Names that infer royalty

Majestic names or names that infer royalty should be left on their own as well — Royal, and Majesty for one and two. Prince.

Hyness? Even misspelled, it screams of silly tittle or a body part.

Body parts

Selecting a name after a body part, or names that rhyme with body parts, are a "no" as well. Assia Fallopian. Jenis.And don't think that you jumped that hurdle by misspelling said body part.

Uteraz (as in Uterus) won't want to leave the basement when she reaches the age to spell it on her own.

Clever combinations

Clever combinations are better left to Saturday morning cartoons. Ninja Quest. Fol Moon, Adorabell. Ahmiracle Dunn.

Medical conditions

Medical conditions are also not a good source.Fervor. Dya Betty. Entropy.

Characters out of history

Heil was not Hitler's first name. Even if it had been, that would be a no. There is only one Churchill. And even a kid with a brain will not appreciate being called either EignstineorEinstein.

Names that are easily followed by "Bob," "Boy," "Bo" or "Ray."

Take those right off your list: Bob Bob; Boy Bob; Bo Boy or Ray Bob; Ray Bo; Bo Ray; Bobby Ray or Rae; and every other imaginable inversion.

Punched will be smacked every day of his life when who should really be punched is the parent.

Shield, Yaghness, Scranton, Phelonydon't really fit into a category, except "no".

These are lovely and original names — you think — until you realize that your poor son or daughter will be writing this name on their college application. For you this name is a way to stick-it-to-the-man. For your child, it is a reminder not to ride the bus.

Another question to ask yourself when considering a name: does the name look good at the bottom of a mug shot? Then choose another name.

Brianna Ole'. Resembles a beverage from the drink cart during spring break.

Try this at home

Practice on this list. Use "Bond, James Bond" as your template.Fill in the blank with the following names and see if you get chills:

Bond, Bond.

Sloth, Angus, Mangle, Boni, Copelia, Cinco de Mayo, Justin Bieber Pitt, Rhelei.

Americus, Basil, Parson, Polly Andria, Latreene.

Richard Vader,

Juannaquishia,

Younique,

Hamlet.

None of those names sound good even purred by a man in a tux with a dry martini, do they?

Here are a few simple rules you may choose to follow — if you are a humanitarian and care for your fellow men — or women. Drop the name right of the list you show to grandma if:

  • It rhymes with a body part

  • It is easily mistaken for Klingon

  • You've seen it as a joke on Instagram

  • A tattoo artist would question the spelling.

  • You call out this name in Wal-Mart and people giggle

  • The name describes a Yugo character

Harshit and Harshita are classic Sanskrit (Indian) names meaning "full of happiness". But they don't translate well into English. Find another happy name.

Bottom line — remember to ask around and try to get feedback on any name you choose. Most name associations won't last long. Albert may remind you of the cartoon until it's the name of the tiny cherub in your arms.

When in doubt, go with your gut. The name you come up with will be perfect — even if it's not. Just like your baby.

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The best and worst Christmas music for your playlist https://www.familytoday.com/family/the-best-and-worst-christmas-music-for-your-playlist/ Thu, 10 Dec 2015 06:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/the-best-and-worst-christmas-music-for-your-playlist/ Put in the ear buds and crank up the Christmas tunes -- but leave some of these holiday offerings out…

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Stars are shining, sleigh bells ringing, carolers singing — it's officially Christmas music time! (Just ignore that you have been hearing it since Labor Day.)

Though we have been bombarded of late with "pro-holiday/non-offensive" seasonal tunes — a description used for PC Christmas songs that don't mention the season's reason — there are plenty of festive favorites for all.

First, however, let's discuss Christmas music don'ts. It's hard for Christmas music to get on my nerves, so kudos to the following for such an effort:

  1. First on our list is the most sensitive song of them all: "The Christmas Pumps," or whatever it's called. I lost 127 Facebook friends because I posted that I found this song emotionally manipulative. Why stop at little boys buying shoes for their dying mother? Add match sticks, a few kittens and just kill me now.
  1. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who like Neil Diamond and people who think he and his caffeinated chorale shouldn't be allowed near a microphone from just after Thanksgiving through, to, and including Valentine's Day.

  2. While we are at it, someone ask Johnny Mathis to take a vacation during the same time period. Frankly, anytime I hear Johnny sing "Sleigh Ride," I am left with too many unanswered questions.

  3. Two members of the Beatles were as equally off the mark. I understand they had an aversion to holiday staples — artistic individuality and all — but "So This is Christmas" and "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time" are John Lennon's and Sir Paul's most iffy offerings. Coincidentally, depression is at a premium during the holidays. Do the math.

  4. Last Christmas, I gave you my heart; the very next day I hurled on my slacks. This year, to save me from tears ... I won't listen to George Michael."

  5. The other song Mr. Wham contributed to is just as bad. With all due respect to honorable causes, "Do They Know it's Christmas?" - alternative title "Pray for Another Song," featuring Boy George and a few of his British buddies - makes me wish my ear wax would just seal me off from the outside world. Good intentions aside, it is a perfect song for drowning out the sound of cans being opened electronically or teeth being drilled.

  6. The Trans-Siberian Orchestra's redundant, repetitive and redundant version of "Carol of the Bells" makes the little voices in my head converse all at once on the topic of mortality, electro-shock therapy and wider freeways. Then the little voices start dancing and chanting.

  7. Speaking of disco, of which I am generally in favor, Donna Summer's "Rosie Posie Christmas" is only slightly better than "Disco Inferno on an Open Fire," or "Christmas Boogie Oogie Oogie." I would rather don my Angels Flight spray-on pants and do it the right way.

  8. The Chipmunk Song isn't really on my bad Christmas song list, but I just don't like how Dave speaks to Alvin.

  9. Belinda Carlisle of Go-Go's fame recreating Judy Garland's famous "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" sounds like she started the celebratory eggnog a little early — like on Black Friday.

  1. "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" wouldn't be played if not for the charming Brenda Lee, and John Denver singing as a 7-year-old in "Daddy, Don't Get Drunk This Christmas" is fingernails on a chalkboard. Anything else by the former Mr. Dusseldorf is Christmas gold, including his duets with the Muppets. Try those instead.

  2. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" should not be sung by anyone. Ever. Michael Jackson (Jackson-Five) couldn't do it. He did do it, but he shouldn't have. Celion Dion can't do it. I don't think Beverly Sills or even the daring Carrie Underwood accompanied by a Happy Jerusalem Synthesized Sound of Music Ensemble with seven key changes could save it — and I love me some Carrie Underwood.

  3. Penultimately, I give you anything sung by Kathie Lee Gifford - especially "Mary, Did You Know?" Believe me; Mary, being great with knowledge, was better off not knowing. With that in mind, I applaud Kathie Lee on her contribution to world peace.

  4. For those of you who need to feel better about their lives, try
    Merry Christmas, I don't wanna fight tonight" by the Ramones. I am really on the fence about "God rest ye merry gentleman" by Bad Religion. I wouldn't play it at a party, but it's great for chopping wood.

And now the good stuff (and there's a lot of good stuff!)

My find this year is an a cappella group, Pentatonix. They were the hit of last year's season. It seems that good taste and popularity have merged. Dont miss their version of "O, Holy Night."

Elvis? Elvis! And I am not talking about having a Blue Christmas. His version of "Here comes Santa Claus" is endearing and surprisingly un-mannered.

Last year I discovered Louis Armstrong and "Zat you, Santa Claus?" It's a Christmas song that makes me smile and doesn't make me feel guilty for not having more money to spend.

The best of the best? Josh Groban has a few, and James Taylor has a bunch. Try Christmas songs by Frank Sinatra, the Carpenters, Doris Day, Natalie and Nat King Cole, Bing Crosby, Amy Grant, Manhattan Transfer, Harry Connick Jr., The Vince Guaraldi Trio, Mel Tormé, Ray Conniff, Gene Autry — and remember those Muppets and the soundtrack to A Muppet's Christmas Carol. And while you are at it, download their DVD for a holiday treat. Rizzo the Rat tells a great tale. (And here's looking forward to the Muppets and Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas album.)

Christmas music that makes you feel that life is worth living is never wrong — even if it is sung by Mariah Carey. Don't let anyone tell you differently. Have a merry Christmas ... darling.

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12 tips to help you survive a dreaded Christmas https://www.familytoday.com/family/12-tips-to-help-you-survive-a-dreaded-christmas/ Tue, 01 Dec 2015 06:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/12-tips-to-help-you-survive-a-dreaded-christmas/ Find out how to eliminate Christmas heartache (for those who barely survived last year).

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Even people who are Christmas freaks can swing into depression at Christmas time. TV commercials show bouncy, beautiful people with great teeth enjoying their perfect bodies alongside other perfect bodies and families of-you guessed it-perfect bodies. Hair is always in the right place. Children are well-dressed, precocious and autonomous. Homes are immaculate and tastefully decorated. Snow falls in designated areas, and spills clean up with the wick of a paper towel.

It's enough to drive anybody who is less-than-perfect over the edge any time of year. It seems like everyone is enjoying each other and their magazine-worthy cheese & meat platters, and here you are scrapping scum off of the batteries in your collection of remotes.

I get it. This Christmas was supposed to be magical: you promised yourself to make it perfect when last year your furnace blew, and no one came to your party except the guy from work who hits on everything with legs. Even your kids had the common sense to be at your ex's house for the week.

So, realize upfront the Christmas season may be bleak. The weather will get worse, daylight will become scarce and your plumbing could fail. But you will make it through. Dispar not, and keep reading for tips on how to survive.

Don't wait until the last minute

Stress is a spirit killer. Get out the decorations early. Put one up a day if you lack the motivation. Or, only put up the one that is your favorite. Does it remind you of something you no longer have like family, a loved one or a memorable moment? List something wonderful the decoration reminds you of, and feel grateful for the blessing you experienced and cherished.

Have a sense of humor

Do you have a photo of last Christmas with the ex? Laminate it, and use it as a cutting board.

Christmas carol by yourself

Put the music player on the porch. Sing at the top of your lungs. Drink some hot cocoa. Bang a pan. Let the universe know you're determined to be more than the sum of your miserable parts.

Change your expectations

What would normally constitute as a great week any other time of the year doesn't cut it at Christmas time. Why is that? It's because you have gold-leafed your expectations and put them on a marble pedestal held up by a muscled knight riding a white horse and climbing a crystal staircase. Get real.

Plan a fun surprise for someone

Keep it secret. It's not about the money or the acknowledgement. Doing something for others feeds parts of the soul that aren't generally nourished. Put a candy on someone's desk. Hold a door open for someone. Slip a kid a dollar, and pretend it didn't happen. Buy the drink of the person behind you in line. If a two-year-old hands you a plastic play phone, answer it. Play along. Be silly. It will boost your spirits.

Say Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah

Go ahead. Say it: "Are you having a good holiday?" Listen to the response. General greetings change a little during Christmas.

Do what makes you happy

Hot-tubbing? X-Files? Wedding mints? Ray Conniff? Pentatonix? Go for it! Ask someone else if they want to participate, and be okay with yourself if they don't.

Give yourself permission

Allow Christmas to look differently than it does on TV or the all-day, every-freakin'-minute Christmas radio station. Give yourself permission to have the holiday you want. Do something new. Go with the flow, or swim upstream. It's your party. You can cry if you want to "¦ or not.

Think twice about Christmas cards

Cards? Who says that you have to send cards? You could save that for Valentine's Day or Halloween. Or, send a Christmas card on the Fourth of July, and have fun with it.

Create your own playlist

Hate Christmas carols? That's okay. They are hard to avoid when out in public, but put some great music on your "i-device," and have it your way.

Set realistic expectations

Don't expect Christmas to fill your emotional cup. You are going to have to do that.

Change your outlook

Christmas lights that are put up too early, look too garish or are left up too late used to drive me insane. Now I look at the lights as one man's way to combat the darkness. A slight refocus and those pesky lights take on a whole new meaning.

Adopt that same slight refocus for the rest of the holiday, and Christmas may not be so bad this year.

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7 real adult letters to Santa https://www.familytoday.com/family/7-real-adult-letters-to-santa/ Tue, 24 Nov 2015 15:49:11 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/7-real-adult-letters-to-santa/ There are still things we want -- even as adults -- that we would write to Santa about. And these…

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Yesterday's kids wanted the same things for Christmas as today's kids — only slightly different: music, Hot Wheels tracks, Stretch Armstrong, batteries for their electronic devices, a Mystery Date in some form or another.

Adult wishes for the holidays tend to be a little more diverse. And grown-ups haven't written letters to the North Pole since Captain and Tennille were at the top of the pop charts.

But if they were to put pen to paper this year, they may express sentiments similar to those expressed by these fully grown individuals:

Dear Santa; I have been — mostly — a very good woman this year and have, therefore, composed a short list of all things I am asking for Christmas. I would like Hugh Jackman for a day and for Josh Groban to write a love song about me. Also, I would like to be a size three (a size I haven't been since I was 3). If the size-three thing can't happen, that's OK. I understand that even Santa can only do so much. If such is the case, then I would like my husband to have that eye surgery that narrows his pupils and retinas so that when he looks at me I at least look like a size three. At very least, please send me two leg warmers for my audition for "Flash Dance," the new stage musical. Do what you can.

-Marie in Pleasant Grove

Santa; What I want is not really for me. It's for humanity. Please help BYU fans and Utah fans to be kind to each other and respect each other's team. And, when BYU beats them next year, let the Utes be gracious in admitting that the Cougars are better in every conceivable way. Also please have Pete Carroll dismissed as head coach while not diminishing Seattle's chances at another Super bowl.

-Mostly blue with a little fluorescent green in South Lake City.

Dear Santa; I want to be in a boy band. There is another guy here in accounting who wants to do it with me. He thinks he can get his wife's permission, so all we will need is two more guys, some cool clothes and to be able to sing and dance. We will also need our hair back. I can't see this happening without hair.

-Edward in Murray

Santa; I need to be able to turn the water off in the bathroom and to fix the leak under the sink in the kitchen. I have tried to hot glue the cabinet under the sink shut so that the kids don't let out whatever is breathing so heavily. But I know that the leak is eventually going to cause a sinkhole like in Florida and we will be on the news for all the wrong reasons. Santa baby, slip a plumber under the tree — and bill it to my ex-husband.

-Too Damp in Draper

Some of the letters are a little more serious.

Dear Santa Claus; I need to find a way to help my son get off drugs. He keeps lying to me saying that he is clean, but I am not stupid. I keep praying that he will get caught by the police so he will have to fess up and get help, but that hasn't happened yet.

-Need to be a better parent in Lindon

Dear Santa; I can't talk to my kids about things that are important. Whenever I get serious they get all sarcastic and make jokes and then I get frustrated and it ends badly. I just want to talk to my kids. And a better paying job.

-Guy James in Orem

Dear Santa; My wife has to work too much. She would love to be a stay-at-home mom and do all the things with the kids that would make them both happy. The problem is that I don't make enough money and my prospects aren't good. Please help me find a way to either get more education or discover a talent that people will pay for. Also, dental insurance that make me look presentable would be good. And wool socks that can double as puppets.

That last letter is mine. Just putting pen to paper for Christmas.

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8 ways to upgrade your relationship with your in-laws https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/8-ways-to-upgrade-your-relationship-with-your-in-laws/ Wed, 28 Oct 2015 06:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/8-ways-to-upgrade-your-relationship-with-your-in-laws/ If you are interested in staying with your spouse then you may be selecting your holiday company for the rest…

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Life does not have to be poorer because you don't see eye to eye with your spouse's parents. There is flexibility all around, and a comfortable place for everyone in the family.

If there isn't such a place set out for you, you may need to make one — and you may need a shoehorn.

Count on there being a few insane times with the "fam." Trial and error may be your best bet in the evolution of the relationship between you and the in-laws. Here are a few things to try.

Respect the line of authority

When the husband has issues with the in-laws, the wife should be instrumental in assisting. Likewise, if the wife has issues with the in-laws, the husband should step in and step up. When it is apparent that the couple is a functioning team, the hassling tends to curb. Don't leave your partner hanging. Both of you need to be on the same page — that's how families work.

Beware the un-budging

There is a bit you will have to give, and there is a bit they will have to give. It's called compromise, and it happens in relationships. You may hate swearing, and they may speak like sailors on leave. You loosen up a bit and they can clean it up a bit. Compromise.

Acknowledge boundaries

Is your personal life off limits to Facebook? It's OK to let them know that — politely. For example, tagging photos is fine as long as you have given your permission. And it's OK to say, "If you borrow my rototiller, please return it in a timely fashion." Of course, what goes around comes around — be sure to show them the same respect.

Breaks all around

Give everyone a break. The world does not center on you or your feelings. Be kind to others and they might come around. You do not need to be the enforcer. It's OK to lighten up. Choose to not be offended. One man recently said that he went for years thinking his in-laws were out to get him until one day he saw himself through their eyes. He changed his attitude and the relationship changed as well.

(Maybe they are out to get you)

If your in-laws have you in their sites, be straightforward and plain with your intentions. Communicate freely with your spouse and make sure that you are approaching any potential problem from the same angle. Be transparent and true to your spouse, and be kind about it while you are at it. Let the in-laws fall where they may.

Focus on your relationship with your spouse

There are lots of cute bumper stickers that affirm that you married the entire family when you married your spouse. There is truth to that. However, your in-laws pick up and go home at the end of the day. You go into your bedroom and close the door. Remember that.

Show and tell

Many people learn too late that your parents and your spouse's parents only know what you have told them. If you continually go to them with your problems, or your spouse only tells her parents about her difficulties — that is what your in-laws will know of your relationship. Don't use parents as a negative complaint board or they will start misjudging your partner based on what you have told them.

Join in the crazy

The "What the heck" approach might not be the worst thing you can do. So go ahead and roll with the punches, knowing that the in-laws may not change their behavior one bit. Focus on your spouse and your love for him or her. The rest of the family may follow along.

... or not.

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