Pornography addiction is being studied now more than ever. More people are discussing the problem, and more professionals are uncovering its devastating effects.

But many people are suffering silently from this addiction.

They suffer in silence because few people are willing to share such private and vulnerable aspects of their life.

So I want to give a voice to those who can't speak up.

Everything I share comes from experiences my patients have shared with me, and from things I have observed in dozens of therapy sessions. For obvious reasons, I will not share any personal information.

Here are the things that people struggling with pornography want you to understand but will never tell you:

1. It's extremely painful

Addiction is painful; but we sometimes forget that pornography addiction is no different from other addictions. It is painful, real and deep. With it come feelings of depression, anger, frustration and self-hatred, among others.

2. It affects every aspect of life

It is a common misconception that pornography only affects intimacy; but it really affects much more.

This addiction changes the way the brain registers pleasure, eventually requiring the brain to need large doses of adrenaline to feel something positive.

This is why addicts can't easily enjoy simple things, like a good meal, a positive day at work, the love of their spouse or children and many other things. It also makes them more prone to depression, anger and impulsivity.

3. It's not their fault

I have heard many stories from various addicts, and the topic of how they started is always difficult for them to discuss. All but one had either accidentally encountered pornography, or were introduced to it by a relative or friend when they were around 8 to 11 years old.

It's not my intention to justify the action of viewing pornography; however, I want to create a level of sympathy for those who have not yet been able to pull themselves out of their addiction. While we can't force them to change, we can offer them love and acceptance through a difficult process. That alone could be the beginning of a road to recovery.

This article has been translated from the original Lo que no te dicen quienes ven pornografia, which was originally published on familias.com.

The post What a pornography addict wants to tell you about their addiction but can’t appeared first on FamilyToday.

It is said that women are more complicated than men.

However, women have important needs regardless of how complex or complicated they may seem. It is important that every husband understands this; I've seen too many husbands in my therapy room be surprised when I say that his wife has emotional needs that are not very difficult to fill.

Everything that your wife needs is not that complicated, and usually doesn't involve expensive gifts or spending money. Most likely, the things she values most are those that are simple in nature, but come from the heart.

The reality is that many husbands feel overwhelmed at the thought of the emotional needs of their wives, because they feel they do not understand them, therefore are unable to fulfill them.

But fortunately, it is easier than you think; and when your wife does notice, it will make a big difference in the quality of your marriage.

What your wife needs to feel — not just hear — from you includes the following:

1. That you appreciate her

As a wife and mother I can tell you it's amazing how many things we do for our family in one day. So one of the most important things you need to remember is that she needs to feel that you appreciate everything she does. Take note of what she does during the day and tell her frequently that you appreciate those things, from washing dishes to preparing food, and everything in between.

2. That she is beautiful

The natural effects of time and becoming mothers can make us feel a little insecure about the way we look. It is essential that you show her that she is still beautiful to you. Tell her specifically what you like about her, and do not hesitate to tell her how good she looks when it is obvious that she spent more time in front of the mirror in order to look good for you.

3. That you admire her

It is very important for your wife to know that you admire her, and you're proud of her. Knowing this will make her efforts acquire more significance.

4. That you love her

First of all, your wife needs to feel that love. Take time to learn what things make her feel loved, and then do those things often without needing to be reminded of what they are.

It should not be hard to please your wife and make sure her needs are met. Try to follow these recommendations and see the difference not only in the love she feels for you, but also in the love you have for her.

This article is a translation from the original article, "4 cosas que tu esposa necesita sentir de ti" on Familias.com.

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Raising male children might be easier if motherhood included a manual with examples and tips on how to handle certain situations. However, no such manual exists so we must try to figure out how to raise boys on our own. Although I don't have all of the answers, we can all agree that raising sons takes a different kind of knowledge.

In fact, many mothers say that educating boys is indeed an art, since our goal is for them to grow up to be good citizens, husbands and fathers. With all the misconceptions of what it means to be a man of truth, it is our responsibility to give our little boys the experiences they need, which can't be done without understanding what it means to have boys in your home and the specific needs they have.

It is my hope that the following tips will help raise boys to be good men one day.

1. Unleash

Before you think that I do not support discipline; I am referring to giving free rein to his energy and creativity. Give them many opportunities to play outside, hop, to shout, to explore and have the opportunity to be a child. Do not seek to control their energy but channel it properly, otherwise it will come in the form of shouts and disobedience.

2. Real men cry

Never make him feel bad about being sad. Let him experience feelings as you would any child, male or female, because there is no difference in the human need to shed tears from time to time. The same applies if you are afraid whether he is more sensitive than you wanted; many children are sensitive by nature and that does not make them weak in any way.

3. Love

All boys need a lot of physical affection, and hugs and kisses are necessary even when our boys are children. Many studies have confirmed that boys, as they grow, receive less physical affection than girls, which can cause negative consequences for their emotional health. They need physical affection as much as anyone else, so mom and dad must make sure to show them love as much as they can.

4. Don't be a push-over

Yes, they need support, hugs and affection, but they also need discipline. Encourage them to do difficult tasks; it promotes inner strength, which can help them develop into the man we hope they become. Give them opportunity to work, help with chores and serve.

It is not easy to raise little boys, but nothing that really worthwhile is easy. Take time to learn and get to know each of your children. Use the tips mentioned above, because they can be essential to help your child grow emotionally healthy and into a good man one day.

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Having a good marriage is hard; you need to work on it constantly. Because of this, routine, children, work, and other things get in the way and our relationship suffers.

Sometimes we look to someone else to make up what's lacking in our relationship. The reality is that this new "relationship" is an illusion, and unfortunately, one of the most difficult situations from which few relationships recover.

Overcoming infidelity is a notably physical, mental and emotional challenge. Some people choose not to continue the relationship because the wound is too large, and they feel there's irreparable damage to the relationship. Others decide to stay in the relationship and work on healing it.

Although both decisions are acceptable and very personal, this advice applies to those who choose to stay.

1. Accept that your negative emotions are normal

Experiencing feelings of anger, frustration, sadness, despair, and loneliness is normal. It is natural to want to avoid these feelings, but everything has its process and you have to go through these emotions to heal properly.

2. Be patient with yourself

It's completely normal if you're paranoid and doubt everything that your partner does. Confidence has to be won back and it takes time. For the moment, accept that you will mistrust your partner but know that eventually it can improve if your partner is willing to earn that trust again.

3. Accept that it was not your fault

It is easy to think it was your fault, or that you did something wrong. Although you're both responsible for working on your relationship, the decision to be unfaithful was the decision of your partner and that person is responsible for the decision.

4. Find a way to deal with your emotions healthily

Look for professional help, write, try art, dance, or exercise. Make sure you have an outlet for your emotions because if you keep all those emotions in they always end up coming out and you should avoid allowing them to come out in a way that's not productive.

5. Do not involve your children in fights

It is very tempting to want your children to be on your team and against the person who committed the indiscretion, but it's the worst thing we can do for your children.

Surely they know that something is wrong, and the least we can do is try to provide some level of stability. They are still our children, and it is our responsibility to care for them despite what is happening in our personal relationship.

When we cultivate a healthy relationship with our children, it helps us with our own pain and the family's pain.

No article is long enough or comprehensive enough to cover this difficult subject. However, there are other resources and ways to cope whatever your decision is. Don't worry about what other people think you should do. Be patient with the process, patient with yourself, and patient with your own emotions.

_This article was translated and adapted from the original article 5 consejos para salir adelante después de la infidelidad.

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We all know that forgiveness is paramount — especially in relationships. However, many think that in some circumstances — such as infidelity — forgiveness becomes impossible. Still, there are couples who find a way to forgive and are able to move forward. That is not always the case, but it is important to understand that it's never our role to judge those who choose to forgive and recover what has been lost.

Read: Letters from a lover](http://familyshare.com/marriage/letters-from-a-lover)

Often, after learning that someone has been unfaithful, our first reaction is anger and endless ridicule. However, there are cases where forgiveness is possible:

1. The error was admitted

From the beginning, the action is admitted as a terrible mistake, without trying to excuse the behavior, and the perpetrator assumes responsibility for his or her mistakes. He or she does so knowing that this in itself doesn't solve things; but it does create a good start to solving them.

2. All necessary measures are taken to repair the damage

From the moment it is admitted, the one that has been unfaithful tries to do everything in his or her power to improve the situation, such as: no contact with the other person, understanding that trust is lost and it's his or her job to gain your trust again, not forcing intimacy, and seeking professional and spiritual help.

3. Above all, honesty

An essential part of achieving forgiveness is that the unfaithful person is honest in his or her doings. When lies have no place in the relationship, trust begins to form again; and together a couple can face the task of restoring this important piece of the relationship. Part of being honest is never repeating the mistake - infidelity must not be repeated in order for trust to be regained.

4. The desire to remain in a family

Although not the case for all families, husbands and wives may decide to give a chance to the relationship when children are involved.

A patient once said to me, "If there is even the slightest chance of my children growing up in a family with their father, and at the same time my husband can change his life and I can learn to forgive ... I will swallow my pride and decide to forgive, because my kids deserve at least that: the possibility of having a happy home." I should mention that this decision should be taken only when the unfaithful spouse has done or is in the process of doing the points mentioned above.

The decision to forgive a spouse who has committed adultery is not an easy one; and above all, it is personal. If in this situation, it is important to ponder your options, and whatever the decision is, make it with the conviction and certainty that it's the best for yourself and your family.

This article was translated and adapted from the article, "Una infidelidad no se perdona. Bueno, a veces, sí".

The post Forgiving infidelity seems impossible — but is it always? appeared first on FamilyToday.

It is said that women are more complicated than men.

However, women have important needs regardless of how complex or complicated they may seem. It is important that every husband understands this; I've seen too many husbands in my therapy room be surprised when I say that his wife has emotional needs that are not very difficult to fill.

Everything that your wife needs is not that complicated, and usually doesn't involve expensive gifts or spending money. Most likely, the things she values most are those that are simple in nature, but come from the heart.

The reality is that many husbands feel overwhelmed at the thought of the emotional needs of their wives, because they feel they do not understand them, therefore are unable to fulfill them.

But fortunately, it is easier than you think; and when your wife does notice, it will make a big difference in the quality of your marriage.

What your wife needs to feel — not just hear — from you includes the following:

1. That you appreciate her

As a wife and mother I can tell you it's amazing how many things we do for our family in one day. So one of the most important things you need to remember is that she needs to feel that you appreciate everything she does. Take note of what she does during the day and tell her frequently that you appreciate those things, from washing dishes to preparing food, and everything in between.

2. That she is beautiful

The natural effects of time and becoming mothers can make us feel a little insecure about the way we look. It is essential that you show her that she is still beautiful to you. Tell her specifically what you like about her, and do not hesitate to tell her how good she looks when it is obvious that she spent more time in front of the mirror in order to look good for you.

3. That you admire her

It is very important for your wife to know that you admire her, and you're proud of her. Knowing this will make her efforts acquire more significance.

4. That you love her

First of all, your wife needs to feel that love. Take time to learn what things make her feel loved, and then do those things often without needing to be reminded of what they are.

It should not be hard to please your wife and make sure her needs are met. Try to follow these recommendations and see the difference not only in the love she feels for you, but also in the love you have for her.

This article is a translation from the original article, "4 cosas que tu esposa necesita sentir de ti" on Familias.com.

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Not everything you say comes from your mouth; so not everything that weakens your marriage comes out of your mouth either. Most of the things you communicate - especially when you are upset, angry or in the middle of a discussion - are not from what you say, but what you do with your eyes, hands and head. In short, your body language says more than your words, and others receive these messages both consciously and unconsciously.

For example, turning your face away from your husband when he's clearly talking to you is letting him know you're upset, without using a single word. Likewise, in the middle of a fight, sometimes we do things that are not conscious. We must be very careful about this, because we inflict the same degree of pain and damage to the relationship as with the things we communicate consciously.

Here are some behaviors that are hard to stop, but are better to remove from our repertoire, as they weaken our relationships and lead to destructive routines.

1. Rolling your eyes

We all know how this works: Your spouse says something that you don't agree with and you look at the sky, rolling your eyes. I don't know if we think our spouse is blind, or if we don't realize we're doing it, but doing this only worsens the situation because it sends a very direct message: "I don't agree with what you're saying, I do not respect what you say, and I have no intention of trying to understand you." And then we don't understand why our spouses suddenly get more angry when we haven't even said a word.

2. Crossing your arms

There is no better way to prove that you are on the defense than this. Not only that, but the act of crossing your arms shows you are also closed to listening and understanding what your spouse is saying. I've noticed that when I stop crossing my arms, I see myself as more friendly and intending to fix things, rather than defending my point of view tooth and nail.

3. Avoiding eye contact

Many people avoid eye contact when they're really mad and feel justified doing so. The problem is that avoiding eye contact sends the message, "I do not care about you," even if we don't mean to send it.

4. Turning your back

There is nothing worse than feeling like you are talking to the wall. Turning your back to someone causes that same feeling because you are not showing your spouse the small, but important, respect of looking at him. Instead, we let him talk to himself.

No matter how angry we are, or how justified we feel in doing these four behaviors, here's my advice: Always avoid them. You can say that you only do it because you're angry; I know it's not always easy to facilitate communication, but we make it even more complicated by adding unkind body language that doesn't do any favors to your relationship. These attitudes have the potential to leave deep marks that time won't easily erase.

This article is a translation and adaptation of the original article, 4 cosas que haces a diario sin darte cuenta, y debilitan tu matrimonio.

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Many think that screaming is the way to destroy your marriage, but we can also do serious damage by whispering.

It's not just the words we use, but how we use them. In that sense, our mouths hold the greatest control in a marriage; we can build up or tear down great walls of trust and affection depending on what we say and how it's said. Controlling our emotions and our words may be the difference between divorce and a happy life together.

But, even when we think we are controlling our words, we don't always realize what we are saying"¦or how we are saying it.

This article will hopefully help you notice how few words it takes to hurt your partner, even if you don't even raise your voices.

Destructive criticism

No one is perfect, but you can still criticize in a respectful way. Does your tone make it sound like you are attacking your spouse's qualities or personality? A discussion about possible improvements is not the same as an attacking complaint. For example, saying, "When you did not call me, I was worried because you said you would call," is very different from saying, "Of course you didn't call, you never think of anyone but yourself." Your words and tone can make all the difference.

Contempt

Destructive criticism is hurtful, but contempt is even worse. Contempt is best friends with sarcasm, and is extremely insulting. Neither are ways you should ever speak to your spouse. Contempt's only aim is to make your partner feel totally defeated, worthless, and despised. Words such as: "You're pathetic, you say you're tired when I have been with the children all day," or "Could you be more melodramatic? What kind of man are you?" are mocking and incredibly hurtful. You don't have to shout to deeply injure someone when speaking with contempt.

Being defensive

We all get defensive when we feel that our partner is attacking us. However, the most destructive defense is playing the blame game. This form of "defensiveness" is dangerous because it leads to criticism and contempt. A marriage is a partnership; share the blame.

Blocking Communication

While all other ways to destroy your marriage include words, this is the one action that is completely silent but equally as destructive. Blocking communication involves keeping quiet, ignoring your partner, or pretending to do something rather than talking things out. This behavior is intentional, and can deeply hurt your partner and your relationship. Words can be harmful, but so can silence.

It is not enough to think only about the words we say, because the way we say them also makes an enormous difference. What we say with our mouths is just as important as what is said with our bodies. Pay close attention to what you are saying to make sure your communication style is building (not destroying) your relationship.

This is an adaptation and translation of the original article, "Destruye tu matrimonio palabra por palabra". It has been republished here with permission.

The post Destroy your marriage word for word appeared first on FamilyToday.

Communication is more than talking, and not everything that weakens your marriage is said with words.

Most things that signal your anger are said with your body. Watch what your eyes, hands, and head are doing. They might clue you in as to how you could be unconsciously weakening your marriage.

Eyes at the sky

We all know how this works. Your partner says something that doesn't seem right, and you show your opinion by looking at the sky in a very dramatic eye roll. It's almost like you think your partner is blind, unable to see what you are saying with this gesture. But rolling your eyes sends a very direct message: "I do not think what you're saying is right, and I'm not looking to understand what you mean." No wonder your spouse gets angry before you have a chance to say anything.

Watch your arms

If you really want to prove you are being defensive, cross your arms. The act of crossing your arms physically and emotionally closes you off. You are not opened up and willing to listen, shutting off from the discussion. A person with arms uncrossed will feel and appear friendlier, more willing to understand what's being said instead of fighting tooth and nail.

Turning the other cheek

While this biblical phrase means to forget and forgive, physically turning away during an argument paints you as angry and uninterested. This sends the message, "I do not care about you enough to look at you." And the message is effectively received. Though you might be angry and upset, don't overexaggerate those emotions by turning your head.

Holding your tongue

There's nothing worse than feeling like you're talking to a wall. So why let your partner experience this feeling? When you refuse to talk, it communicates disrespect. By not saying anything, your body is doing all the talking, and you won't come to a resolution.

It's appropriate to get frustrated and upset at times, but these small gestures communicate deeper hurt and anger. Just because you are angry doesn't mean you should treat your spouse with disrespect and close-mindedness. There is no way to solve problems when you refuse to talk, act defensive, and roll your eyes at what's being said. Don't let tiny body movements chip away at your marriage.

Communication is key, so work to communicate clearly with your body as well as with your words.

This is an adaptation and translation of the original article, "4 cosas que haces a diario sin darte cuenta, y debilitan tu matrimonio." It has been republished here with permission.

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A couple's sexual satisfaction is a very important topic in any marriage. It plays a big role in maintaining a happy marriage amidst the chaos that comes from work, stress and children. Unfortunately, few people can say that they find joy in their intimacy. Rather, they consider it to be a routine.

Many know they are unsatisfied without knowing what to do about it. The truth is that you do not require many things to enjoy your intimacy. You find more satisfaction with simple things, such as communication, curiosity and a good sense of humor.

Many people think that intimacy begins in the bedroom. The truth is, it begins in the kitchen. The quality of intimacy is directly related to the quality of the couple's relationship. Therefore, if the quality of a relationship is suffering, then intimacy will also suffer. Thus, the joy of intimacy begins in the kitchen, the center of the home where meals are prepared, we have conversations, share meals and laugh.

Few things can motivate a couple to be romantic as does cooking together, enjoying what they have prepared with their own hands and cleaning the kitchen. As the saying goes, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

Our intimacy increases when we work hard at our relationship. Even when our intimacy is positive, we can enhance it by following these three suggestions:

1. Communicate

It is important for couples to talk frequently about how they feel about their intimacy, and if there are things they can improve. We usually think that our spouse knows what we like. This is not the case. We must be specific with our spouse and let him or her know what we like and what helps us feel good.

2. Know your body

Get a good book that explains basic physical anatomy and read about which body parts are more sensitive to intimate touch. Then, talk to your spouse about how this relates to both of you and try new things.

3. Be creative

Be creative and avoid falling into a routine. Even if you don't do any of these things frequently, the time you put into this will be enough. What really matters is setting aside the time for you and your spouse.

Many things can happen in the kitchen with a little bit of desire, spices, potatoes and chicken. Among these things, is the beginning of joy in intimacy. Put on the apron and get started cooking!

Published in Amor by Denhi Chaney on August 29, 2013

Translated and adapted by Anders Peterson from the original article "El gozo en tu vida sexual empieza en la cocina" by Denhi Chaney

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