Divorce is tough on families. Everyone is affected, especially the children. In most cases, the older the children, the more complex the reaction and more difficult the adaptation. There are many reasons why.

Older children have a longer history in the former family unit, regardless of how healthy or toxic it has been. Perhaps they remember better times when Mom and Dad interacted with them, and each other, with more joy and harmony. Even if there were no good times to look back upon, older children were accustomed to the existing family dynamic, knew their place in the structure, and felt a sense of comfort in "what is."

Resisting change is a natural part of being human. For teenagers that resistance is compounded by a tendency to test boundaries and rock the status quo. Divorce or separation naturally makes all children feel powerless over their circumstances. For teens, who are sowing their wild oats and less likely to listen to parental authority, this is especially hard to accept.

Teens are also more judgmental and opinionated than younger children. Consequently, they are less likely to blame themselves for the divorce (as younger kids frequently do) and more apt to take sides and blame one of their parents. Many therapists see teens side with the parent who is more permissive, taking advantage of the weakened parental structure to try to get away with more rebellious behaviors. Some teens choose to side with the more powerful parent - often Dad - to bolster their sense of security, even if they were emotionally closer to Mom.

Anger is a common reaction from older children. If they are not given the opportunity to vent, express their feelings and be heard, this anger often manifests as physical rebellion, drug or alcohol abuse or other inappropriate behaviors. To complicate matters, communication is often more difficult with teens who are acting out because they are usually less talkative, more likely to keep their feelings held in and more moody than their younger siblings.

With this in mind, how can parents bridge this communication and credibility gap with their older children? Amy Sherman, a therapist in private practice in Lake Worth, Florida, who has dealt extensively with troubled teen populations, makes these suggestions:

1. Make your family a democracy

That means opening the door to listening to and "hearing" your older children, even if you don't like what they are saying. Kids need to know they can express themselves without being disciplined or made to feel wrong. At the same time, she warns against being too permissive, which inevitably leads to exploitation from teens who are always testing their boundaries.

2. Whenever possible, both Mom and Dad should talk to the teen together

discussing issues as honestly as is appropriate. All children are natural manipulators. Don't let separation or divorce give them the opportunity to divide and conquer. Mom and Dad talking to the kids together, on the same page regarding family rules and values, is your best insurance for keeping older children as allies. Co-parenting after the divorce is your optimum goal. When that is not possible, keeping both parents in their parental roles goes a long way toward maintaining stability within a transforming family structure.

3. Children need, and actually appreciate structure, even teens

It creates the security they crave, especially at challenging times. Try to maintain boundaries as close to the pre-divorce reality as possible. When both parents share basic guidelines and agreements within the family structure, regardless of which house the children are in, they will feel safer and more secure. Your children will also feel more cared about and loved, which is so important as the family moves into unknown changes and transitions.

Remember, children of all ages mirror what they see. If your children are acting out, look within the family system for the cause. Get the help you need in making internal changes, and they are more likely to follow suit. At the same time, be patient, tolerant and understanding with yourself and everyone else within your family. This too shall pass.

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It's difficult enough to get your family to eat healthier. It's even harder to do it on a budget. Believing that healthy eating is more expensive is the number one reason many moms give up on trying to make healthier decisions for their family. And I don't blame you; you still have to pay the bills. I'll share a few quick tips for eating healthier and even saving money in the process.

1) Buy fruits and vegetables in season

We may all love pineapple, but there are certain times of the year that it could cost you a small fortune. Purchase fruits and vegetables your family most prefers in season. They are cheaper and provide better flavor. I often look through the ads each week in order to see which fruits and vegetables are on sale.

2) Buy frozen if needed

There are several great articles that reveal frozen still has the same nutritional benefit as fresh. Most of the time, it's cheaper to buy frozen. Since frozen doesn't spoil, you can purchase your favorite frozen veggies and fruits, save a little money and avoid wasting produce that may go bad when bought in bulk.

3) Purchase in bulk

I love warehouse stores! My small family sure eats a LOT of food so purchasing in bulk saves you money. When possible, buy more now to save money in the long run.

4) Price match

This is one that can save you more than you realize. I look through ads weekly to see what is on sale and where. I then write down the things I want at the discounted price and take the list to Walmart. They price match all similar brands. This past week I got red bell peppers for less than 40 cents each (normally almost $1.50 each). When you buy several items and get almost $1 off each item, it can really add up. You can often find chicken breasts on sale every couple of weeks at a local grocery store for under $2 a pound, stock up and freeze them to save on meat.

5) Purchase the generic brands

Some items we purchase are packaged, and when there is option for a name brand or the generic brand, I go with the generic. The ingredients are generally identical despite the difference in packaging. The generic brand can be $1 cheaper or more in some cases.

6) Cook similar foods

This tip doesn't work for everyone, but for those that don't mind eating similar foods day to day it's a great way to save money. When you cook similar large entrees during the week and eat similar snacks, it's easier to purchase in bulk without things going bad. You also have to purchase fewer ingredients when you cook this way. This is a way to cut down on the cost of making a variety of entrees that require so many different spices and ingredients, which can add up quickly, as spices are typically $3-$7 per container.

For example, I'll cook crockpot salsa chicken (chicken breast, packet taco seasoning and bottled salsa cooked in a crockpot for eight hours on low) and then eat the meat several different ways over a couple of days such as salads, with a side of vegetables, and as chicken tacos.

7) Skip fast food

Do you think a $5-$6 combo meal is a great value and that you're saving money compared to eating healthy? In most cases, if you do the math you'll discover that the opposite is true, especially if you use the tips above to get your meat at a good price for $1.99 per pound for chicken. The average chicken breast is just a little over 1/2 pound. So even if you ate a chicken breast with some seasoning and $1.50 bag of frozen steamed veggies, your meal would come in at around $3 or less. I'm not saying that fries aren't delicious, just that you can eat a home cooked meal and save a few bucks.

Eating healthier isn't always the cheapest option, but with these tips you can start to make small changes that can greatly improve your family's health.

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Can a pet be helpful to your children during a divorce and the transition after? Without a doubt. If your family has one or more pets, let your children have access to them as much as they desire. There is a great emotional benefit to your children, and they are fortunate that the pets they love can still be in their lives.

If you don't already have a pet, I recommend getting one - but only if you are in a position to be responsible for that innocent animal during this time of additional stress in your life. If a family pet is out of the question, please consider giving your children time to play with the pets of friends and family. Take them to petting zoos. Allow them contact with other life forms that can give them joy at a time when they are likely experiencing stress and insecurity.

Here are 6 key benefits a pet provides for families coping with divorce.

1. Unconditional love

It has been proven that pets are a source of support and unconditional love for children. During and after divorce, when there is so much instability in a child's life, a beloved pet can be the bridge to sanity. While much around them may be changing, sweet Fluffy is still there to love them and be by their side.

2. A confidant

Children like to talk to their pets. They are a trusted friend who they can confide and share their deepest fears. This is truly a gift to children and greatly helps with emotional resiliency. Pets are nonjudgmental. They listen attentively. They "understand," and they always love you back. Isn't that what your children need at a time like this?

3. Security

Pets have been shown to help children better cope with challenging times within a family. They feel less alone and abandoned. The relationship with the pet provides a deep sense of security that can't easily be duplicated. Kids rarely outgrow their bond with Fluffy, even when they mature into their teens.

4. Bridge to adults

Pets can bridge the emotional and communication gap between adults and children, especially when Mom and Dad are preoccupied with so many details during and after a divorce. They are a source of calm as the family moves through the storm of post-divorce transition.

5. Stress reduction

Medical studies have shown that pets are just as beneficial for adults. Walking and talking to your dog or petting your cat can actually lower blood pressure and cholesterol levels, not to mention overall stress. Pets also are a great source of joy; a reminder that there are other aspects of life that are still wonderful to experience.

6. Best friend

. Pets also provide unconditional love, nurturing and comfort to adults who greatly need it as they transition through the grief of divorce. They're a best friend when you're alone and an appreciative ear when you want to vent or shed tears.

Connecting to other life forms is a wonderful way remind us that other beings depend on us for love, sustenance and nurturing - even through a divorce. Here is another helpful article on the greatest gift one can give your children.

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What's the purpose of your wedding vows - those promises that seemed so easy to keep at the time - when now you're divorced? Does it mean you're a failure because you broke your vows?

What is a "vow?"

According to Dictionary.com, a vow is "a solemn promise, pledge, or personal commitment." But the problem with most wedding vows is that the promises made are unrealistic because they are made in terms of "forever." Why is that unrealistic? Vows that represent forever are simply based on fairy tales of happily ever after that can end up making you feel like a failure if your marriage doesn't work. Life happens. And then divorce happens because of issues that are just too big to resolve. So the problem of "feeling like a failure" because you're divorced could be based on unrealistic promises - perpetuated by fantasy and happily ever after - made at the time we get married.

­A more realistic approach to wedding vows

Because life has its own ideas for us, and rather than making promises that I might not be able to keep, I wrote my own wedding vows in a very realistic way. At the altar, and being the rebel that I am, I not only declared my love for my fiancé, which was very real and true, but I also proclaimed, "We've grown together, and we may grow apart." Life did take its turns, and we ended up divorcing 10 years later. Despite our best efforts, we did have difficult issues that we weren't able to resolve, and the pain of the divorce was very real, but I was fortunate that I didn't experience the added burden of feeling like a failure. I'm not professing that my realistic vows were the reason for this, but you can see how starry-eyed proclamations might contribute to feelings of failure in the future.

With my second marriage, I approached my vows in a similar manner, with some variations. We declared our love and appreciation for each other, as well as the qualities that we loved in one another. We spoke in terms of today - not tomorrow - not the next 50 years. That was 16 years ago. But who knows what the future holds for us? We're fortunate that we still love, respect and appreciate one another, but that doesn't come without nurturing our marriage on a day-to-day basis.

In our culture, and partly from the influence of fairy tales, we're encouraged to idealize our future with our new spouse rather than take a realistic approach to married life. Marriage takes hard work, and most of us don't entertain that idea at the time of our wedding. Divorce rates are at 50 percent, but we somehow think that we're going to be the exception to such a grim statistic. It's all around us. We all know someone who has been divorced. It's time to drop the fantasy and get real about marriage, and about promises that include "forever."

The advantages of being prepared for marriage

You spoke your vows, and you meant them at the time. So how did it happen that happily ever after turned into a divorce? How do you move on from feelings of failure? Here are three ways:

1. Let yourself off the hook

It's not your fault that you once vowed a lifetime of love, and it didn't work out. You had the best of intentions at the time, but fantasy didn't prepare you for the daily challenges of marriage. There are many questions that need to be asked and tools that need to be implemented before you make a marital commitment.

2. Mistakes don't make you a loser

Your marriage may have failed to work, but that doesn't make you a "failure" as a person. The sooner you realize this, the quicker the healing process from your divorce can start. Beating yourself up by labeling yourself a "failure" chips away at your self-esteem and makes you more depressed. So if you find yourself saying, "I'm a loser. I couldn't even make my marriage work. I'm worthless," - it's time to really process what happened in your marriage. By doing so, you'll see that there were many different circumstances that converged to make your marriage end. Upon reflection, even if you see that you made mistakes, which you will, the point is to learn from your mistakes and not conclude that you're a failure.

3. Good communication can change your future

Love and marriage can last forever, so begin by using your current relationship as a training ground for your future. Instead of sweeping issues under the rug, learn how to resolve conflict. This starts with working on your communication skills. Communication breakdown is the number one cause of marital discord, so it's essential to learn good communication skills in order to resolve future conflict and negotiate your differences.

With the understanding that marriage can last forever with hard work, commitment and kindness, next time around, let your vows be a reflection of the love that you feel for your partner and the reality of marriage - not promises based on fairy tales of magically living happily ever after.

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No matter how negative your feelings about marriage were when you first got divorced, there comes a time in almost every divorcée's life when she starts dating again; even thinking that a second marriage may lie in her future.

But things are different now than when you were a young single gal dating men and responsible for only yourself. Now, it's a package deal. Now, it's you and the kids And now any fellow you'd consider marrying needs to be evaluated not just for his suitability as a husband but for his potential as a dad.

You and me and family makes - we

What's more, he may well have kids of his own. And they have to figure into the equation, too. Even if they don't live with him, they surely spend some time with him. This may be every weekend, every other weekend, Wednesday nights - or if he and his ex live in cities that are distant from each other, the kids may spend all summer with him and probably some time on other school breaks, too.

Meeting the 'friend'

But leaving aside the question of whether you get along with his kids or whether your kids get along with his kids, he, himself, may be problematic.

If you were able to delay the new man in your life from meeting your kids till after you were sure he had real husband potential, you probably didn't have a chance to see how he interacts with kids. When you finally introduced him to your kids, though, you may have been disappointed or even dismayed at the way he treated them.

Who's the boss?

Of course, I'm assuming that if he got seriously out of line you would toss him out faster than week-old garbage. But what if he doesn't abuse the kids or anything drastic like that, but your parenting style and his simply don't mesh? What if you're a lenient, laissez-faire type and he's a strict, you'd-better-tow-the-line disciplinarian? Or, for that matter, vice-versa? What if your rules and expectations vary radically, and he won't change his views?

It may be a no-hope situation. But before you sadly shut the door behind him forever, consider what accommodations he might make for you - and maybe you'll need to bend a little, too.

If he's a rational, thinking human being and you point out that the kids have been raised a certain way, with certain rules and certain guidelines, he may realize that even if he doesn't agree with all your precepts, methodology or thinking, it's unfair to change the rules on the kids at this stage of the game. (This is, of course, more true if they are, say, 11 and 14 than if they are three and five.) He may have to go against his own beliefs and raise the kids your way for the most part - with certain exceptions.

And you may have to alter some of your thinking too, or if not your actual thinking then at least the rules and standards under which you operate with your kids. If your new love is adamant that your 13-year-old son is old enough to shoulder certain responsibilities you think he's too young for, or that your 15-year-old daughter needs an 11pm curfew at all times, even though you've let her stay out till midnight under certain special circumstances, you may have to acquiesce to his beliefs.

Remember: you are a package deal

But if your thinking is radically different from his, he isn't willing to change his beliefs and neither are you, this may spell the end of an otherwise great relationship.

And if his style of parenting strikes you as flat-out wrong - not just different from yours but wrong - run, don't walk, to the nearest exit. If he allows the kids to engage in behaviors that could endanger them, or if he is so ultra-lenient that the kids have no discipline at all or so ultra-strict that the kids feel like he's a jailer, and you agree with them, or if their disciplinary infractions result in his meting out seriously humiliating punishments, this man is not for you, no matter how wonderful, kind, generous, caring, thoughtful and considerate he is to you.

Face it: You're not a solo act anymore. You're part of a package deal. And if he's not a good dad, or he's not the kind of dad you want for your kids, he's just not your Mr. Right.

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Written by Joanne Williams for Hope After Divorce

Summer is now fully upon us. If you are behind on your cleaning, do not fret. This is the perfect time to clear the cobwebs in your closet.

For those of us who have been through a divorce, closet cleaning can take on an added dimension of reliving the past and digging up old memories. It may seem easier to forgo the risk of delving into the emotions that may flood through you. I encourage and challenge you to resist the procrastination temptation. Instead, be brave and embark on the adventure of ushering out the old and preparing for the new.

Please stay with me as I offer some ideas on how you can be successful and efficient in cleaning out and revamping your closet.

Mental Preparation

1. Take three days before you begin to deeply ponder two questions. First, who are you? Secondly, why do you matter?

2. Write down the thoughts (negative and positive) that might come to your mind.

3. Start with the positive thoughts and feelings. Focus on your top character traits and strengths. You might be wondering what this has to do with cleaning out your closet. It has everything to do with it, and we will talk about this a little bit later.

4. Write down three goals that you would like to achieve in the next five years.

5. Take a deep breath and fill your mind with future hopes, dreams and desires. Close your eyes and imagine yourself achieving your goals. Make a mental note of how you look in your mind as you accomplish your goals.

Working in the Closet

1. Begin by sorting your shirts, tops, bottoms, dresses, suiting etc. into separate piles. Lay hands on every garment. Do not skip over things.

2. Make a separate area for sweats, workout wear, grubbies, etc. Do you really need that many grubbies?

3. Go through each pile and set aside ALL items that do not fit you NOW. This is very important.

4. Divide the pile of things that don't fit into things you REALLY LOVE and things you do not like. Place items that don't fit and that you don't like into a donation bag. Place the things that don't fit but that you REALLY LOVE into a storage box.

Ask yourself: Would I invite people that I do not like to come to my house for dinner? Think of the terrible feeling you get when you have to be around people you don't like. Look at the things in your closet that you don't really like. I propose a thought: When you walk into a closet filled with things you don't like, it is similar to surrounding yourself with people you don't like. What a terrible feeling.

1. Go through each of the things that do fit and ask yourself the following questions: Do I really LOVE this item? If not, WHY am I keeping it? WHY did I buy it? Take notes.

2. Next set aside the things you really don't like that do fit you. (you don't have to get rid of them - yet) repeat step number 5. Place them in a "keep for now" box.

3. Hang the clothes that fit and that you REALLY LOVE in your closet. If you have double barred closets, put the tops on the top and the bottoms on the bottom.

4. Arrange by category. Such as, short sleeves, long sleeves, sweaters, etc. and then colorize each category going from light to dark.

These steps are important because it is next to impossible to chart out a game plan when your closet is filled with lies, deceptive appearances and "people that you don't like." This "closet deception" blocks the mind from seeing and thinking clearly.

By following this process you will have an honest picture of your wardrobe reality. This true picture of what is happening in your wardrobe will offer clarity from which to troubleshoot and devise an efficient and effective wardrobe budget and acquisition plan.

Now, look at the items in your closet that fit and that you really love.

• Do these things represent you well?

• Do they speak to who you are and why you matter?

• Will they help you feel confident enough to reach and achieve your goals in the next five years? If not, what items do you think will help you feel confident and ready to achieve your future goals?

• What items do you need to help you project a true picture of who you are?

Authenticity is key to fostering honest and enriching relationships. It is key to your ability to clearly communicate and be understood.

The seasons are changing. What a perfect time to take stock, review and rework your wardrobe so that you can move forward in the changing seasons of your life with confidence and clarity.

Joanne Pittman is a contributing expert for HopeAfterDivorce.org,

FamilyShare.com, CupidsPulse.com, and LAFamily.com. She is president of Pittman Image and creator of IMAGE authenticity Trainings and Workshops. Joanne has two sons in college and currently enjoys tennis, beach volleyball, and the study of neuropsychology.

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Summer is here and all attention is usually focused on finding a summer kid's camp or going on a summer vacation together. While both of these are great things, especially for our sanity, we should also start to focus on school starting in the next couple of months. Many people wait until the last minute to purchase school items. When you have to purchase many things at once, it affects the family budget, especially for the single mom or dad on a strict budget. Here are some tips to help you start now and save.

Take inventory

Do you have supplies left from last year that you can use? Check your kids' closet and see what clothes still fit and what they need more of. Make sure to assess shoes and jackets too.

Find out what they need

Contact your local school and see what supplies they need. Also check to see what the dress code is so that you don't violate it and purchase items they can't use.

Little by little

When you do your weekly (or biweekly) grocery shopping, pick up a pack of pencils, pens or paper and notebooks.

Summer sales

There are a lot of summer sales going on right now. Check sale ads and do comparison shopping. Buy something once a week as your budget permits. Check the clearance aisle at local department stores and business supply stores. Purchase one size larger than they are right now to ensure they can wear the item over the next few months. Steer clear of name brands for bigger savings.

Don't forget the thrift and consignment stores

Many people donate items that are brand new and still have tags. You can also find many school items such as backpacks and lunch totes still in very good condition. If your child has a tendency to lose things, purchase an extra from a thrift store.

Look for durable items and those with warranties

If you buy something that is cheap and fragile, you will need to replace it sooner than later. Look for good quality items and those with warranties.

Get in touch with neighbors and friends with children

Have a party. Organize a time to meet up with friends to bring the clothes their children have outgrown. Make sure to specify that the items should be clean and rip/stain free. Separate the clothing by gender and size and allow each person to pick one item until all of the pieces are gone.

Have a junk drawer?

It's time to clean out that drawer. How many pens and pencils can you find? Glue sticks? Tape? You might be surprised with what you already have.

School shopping doesn't have to break the budget. There are many ways to purchase the items your kids need without putting you in debt. Don't forget to attend garage sales and search for items at swap meets. By purchasing items a week at a time, you will be able to purchase the items you need for their first day without the financial stress and anxiety.

Michele Sfakianos is a registered nurse, life skills expert, speaker and author. Michele has been previously published in both poetry books and a nursing journal. Visit Michele's website: http://www.my411books.com

The post School shopping on a budget appeared first on FamilyToday.

Written by: Janeen Diamond

I was riding my bike with a good friend last week, and we were talking about her marriage. Her husband committed several acts of infidelity over the course of their eight-year marriage, and now they are trying to figure out if they can go on and begin again.

Here's the problem - she still loves him.

I listened carefully as she talked, realizing that she only spoke of all the terrible things he has done to her, and then every so often she would add, "But I still love him."

The thing is, he is doing all the right things, at this point. They were separated for one year. During that year, he cleaned up his act, did everything that was required of him to make things right, and he has begged his wife to give him another chance.

So, what is the answer?

My advice to her was simple. You don't have to decide right now. Give him a shot at being a faithful husband, and when all is said and done - you will know. You will know whether the good in your marriage will be able to outweigh the bad over time.

In the meantime, I suggested they find a good counselor. But more importantly, I suggested she stop focusing on all of the terrible things and start spending time doing things that are fun. I like to break this into three categories - romance with husband, fun with friends, peace with self.

Get romantic with your husband

Plan a trip away together. My husband and I have a couple of trips we love and we do them often.

Drive to a beautiful spot and sit and talk while eating the popcorn you just made at home.

Go for a walk or a hike close to home and take a picnic.

Head out for a drive-in movie.

Go have fun with your girlfriends

Go out to dinner once in a while with a group or friends, or cook at someone's house.

Ride your bikes to a destination and shop at the farmer's market or get pedicures.

Go on an overnighter when there is a special event. For example, a group of friends and I go to an Art Festival over a weekend and have done so for 30 years.

Spend time with just you and get into a peaceful place

Sit out in your backyard and read a book under a shady tree.

Soak in your bathtub when no one is at home.

A friend of mine taught me this: Meditate for 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the evening. It takes a lot of practice to clear your head and sit still, but the payoff is great.

So here are the million-dollar questions.

Do people change?

Is it possible to take a marriage full of infidelity and turn it around?

Will there ever be a time when the two of you can stop focusing on what happened, and look only to the future?

Can you forgive and truly love again with your whole heart?

Only you can answer these questions for yourself. A counselor once told me that if you decide to stay in your marriage - you should only do so if you plan to be happy. There would be no point staying in a marriage if you plan to punish yourself or be angry all of the time.

If you have found yourself in this situation, begin to look forward right now. If you are still in love with your spouse, stop dwelling on the past and start spending time doing things that are fun for you. Commit to giving it one more shot.

You may end up with a better marriage than you ever had before.

Janeen Diamond left KUTV News in 2001 after the birth of her daughter, Gabby. Since that time, she has been actively producing commercials and special programming through her company, "Your TV Spot." She has hosted several television and Internet productions, and has been a spokesperson for several products and companies. Janeen is a contributing expert at HopeAfterDivorce.org, FamilyShare.com, CupidsPulse.com, and LAFamily.com.

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My wife and I failed to achieve a great marriage, so we were mediocre parents most of the time and often worse than mediocre. Married at 17 and 18, we didn't know much about marriage. Our parents had avoided divorce, but did not provide a model for a loving marriage. Three children came early and - in the absence of maturity - my wife and I made it up as we went along.

A great deal of our energy was diverted from our children, burned up in our conflicts with each other. There were many arguments, most of them repeated over and over because we seemed unable to learn anything significant about ourselves.

Respect the precious investment of time

We were not mature adults when we gave birth to our children, so we never really gave parenting our top commitment. Other commitments dominated. For me, it was getting a college education while working second shift in a factory and then golfing, playing tennis, or bowling on weekends with friends to find some fun and relaxation.

For my wife, getting a college degree became a priority at the same time she had to maintain a home, take the kids to the doctor, get groceries and cook meals. Later, professional careers took top priority as we established ourselves in middle-class life. I don't remember my wife and I ever talking about how we were doing as parents. We had other priorities.

Our parenting skill set had some strengths: On the surface, we were normal, intelligent, decent people who made sure their children were safe, fed, nurtured and encouraged. But our children did not have our full attention. By the time our children were in high school, our home life was dysfunctional and dangerous. We were all depressed, lonely and isolated.

Love was hard to find in our household toward the end of our marriage. Tensions were high, with teenagers getting into trouble in the outside world and parents paralyzed in battle. My wife and I were no longer able to provide the love, attention, and adult guidance children must have for good emotional health and happiness.

As divorced parents, finally, we both became better parents alone than we had been together.

You owe your children a strong, loving relationship with them and your spouse

Raising children well requires a great marriage, a marriage that can produce the energy required to raise children. A great marriage can make sure that the children's development and safety get top priority, time and focus. Marital partners in a vibrant marriage can pull together the skill set required for raising children well. Neither one can do it individually.

What parents can do now

You can improve your marriage and your parenting dramatically by doing these things.

1. Understand and agree that your relationship is the most important thing in your lives

You are learning to love together. As you grow in love, each of you will thrive. Your job is creating Team Happiness, a powerful partnership committed to discovering life's joys and sharing those joys with everyone you encounter. If life's challenges and temptations pull you away from your relationship, remind each other that your work of love needs to move back into the top position.

2. Understand that parenting your children is intrinsic to your marital relationship

You can be successful as Team Happiness only if your children are included fully as team members under your leadership. Your relationship with each other has a profound effect on your children, and - simultaneously - if your children are happy, thriving and healthy they have a profoundly positive impact on your marriage.

3. Go after each other's potential

Talk constantly about your marital relationship and your parenting. Assess how you're doing. Check in with each other. Schedule and take quality time to have intimate conversations about what you need to learn next - both as individuals and as a couple. Talk is required to become more conscious beings. Pursuing each other's potential and the potential of your children is love in action.

There can be a second chance if we didn't have a great marriage when our children were growing up.

If we're lucky, as I was, we find a great marriage after divorce. Knowing more now, we are able to take our proper initiation in love. Finally, we become a member of Team Happiness.

Our new marital team can provide needed love and support to our adult children. It may take some doing if our children withdrew from us after divorce, but with the advantage of a life-giving marriage, we can reach out to our mature children in some fresh ways.

And if we are lucky enough to have grandchildren, as I do, we have a chance to give them everything that we wanted to give our children, but didn't.

Or maybe we simply take all of the children on the globe into our love's embrace, finding creative ways to help them be safe and thriving.

We can still lead Team Happiness, after all.

The post If I could raise my children all over again appeared first on FamilyToday.

I recently heard someone say, "The family that dines together, stays together." I definitely believe there to be some truth to that statement. But, taking time to dine together regularly certainly is easier said than done. With the chaos of today's family life, sitting down together for a meal has become increasingly challenging.

Though I think that regular family meals are incredibly important, I am also in the belief that quality trumps quantity. Regular family meals are important to me, however I have realized that sometimes it is impossible. Between karate and dance classes, our evenings are packed.

But, instead of focusing on how guilty I feel about our lack of regular family meals, I have come to the realization that it is important to cut myself a break. I can't make family meals work every night, but I can make sure that the meals that we do have together count. Here are the things that I have found help my family make sure our face-to-face time at the table consists of quality family moments.

Schedule it

If you are finding it increasingly difficult to get everyone around the table at once, I recommend scheduling family dinners. Put them on the calendar. Maybe every Friday night is the night that you all sit together. Or maybe it is Saturday morning breakfast. It is easier to stick to things if they are on the calendar and it helps everyone get on the same page. Family members can plan their week accordingly, knowing that the family meals are set in stone.

Keep it Simple

At family mealtimes, make the meal low key. Choose to have something that everyone likes. One of my favorite things to do on family dinner night is to have us all make our own pizzas. I buy the premade crust with everyone's favorite toppings, and we make a pizza exactly to our own liking. Everyone is happy, and preparing dinner only amounts to the time it takes for the cheese to melt in the oven. It is easier to take the time to relax together when everyone is eating something they like and you are not exhausted from having cooked a big meal. Keep it simple.

No distractions

One of the rules at our dinner table is that we don't allow things to interrupt our time together, particularly the phone. If someone calls during our meal, we let the machine get it. Make this time sacred. Shut off all electronics and don't answer the phone. Make it a point to give each other your undivided attention.

Play a round of high low

Over the past year, my family and I have started a new tradition at the dinner table and it is something that I recommend for every family. It is called "High/Low."� It is inspired by the movie "The Story of Us." We go around the table and each member takes a turn saying what our highest points and lowest points of the day had been.

This is such a powerful tool to start a conversation at the table. It gives everyone a chance to speak and be heard. It gives us an opportunity to hear what is going on in each other's lives. It opens doors to important topics. It offers the invaluable gift of conversation. Even when guests are over, we always do a round of "High/Low."

Getting time for quality family meals has become increasingly difficult these days as our daily schedules seem to get more and more demanding. However, it is important to remember that regardless if you are sitting down together once a week or every-night, mealtime is an opportunity for bonding, laughter and conversation. Take advantage to the moments and make them count.

The post How to make family meal time count appeared first on FamilyToday.