Courtney Carter – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com Here today, better tomorrow. Fri, 06 May 2016 11:14:48 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.8.3 https://wp-media.familytoday.com/2020/03/favicon.ico Courtney Carter – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com 32 32 Are you aware of 15 seconds that can actually determine your life? https://www.familytoday.com/self-care/are-you-aware-of-15-seconds-that-can-actually-determine-your-life/ Fri, 06 May 2016 11:14:48 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/are-you-aware-of-15-seconds-that-can-actually-determine-your-life/ There is nothing more rewarding or empowering than taking 15 seconds to make a decision to do the unexpected.

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We all have trigger points! There are predictable behaviors or words that irritate us or tick us off. How empowering would it be for you to take control of your actions and surprise others? It only takes 15 seconds.

Pearls of advice from my grandparents: "There are expectations, there is reality, and the difference is called disappointment." (Aren't they wise?) Disappointment can hurt, paralyze, make us crazy, and/or make us frown so intensely there are forehead wrinkle lines that last for a few scary minutes while we anxiously reapply lotion. What if we didn't react that way though? What if you took 15 seconds to literally re-imagine the scenario and do something completely unexpected? Let's do an experiment.

Your Significant Other said he/she was going to do the dishes before you came home. You come home, and: dishes. You think: "He/she doesn't care about helping out around here!" "He/she didn't manage his time very well, so that must be why they're not done!" "Ugh, well I'm not going to do them for him/her!" These could be some responses (mentally expressed or verbally growled) that you have had or could imagine yourself having.

Which word best describes those reactions: Positive? Or negative? Yes, "Negative" is the correct answer.

For you, which of the above triggers makes you mad/sad: thoughtless words, passive aggression, perceived stupidity, or messes?

How long is 15 seconds? The seemingly self-explanatory answer can also be represented by these things: sending an "I love you" text, picking up a piece of trash on the floor and throwing it away, washing your hands, washing your face with a facial wipe, and Relient K's song "Crayons Could Melt on Us For All I Care" (kind of funny but don't waste the time).

Negativity is draining and sometimes we can start channeling Eeyore if we're not careful. Eeyore is loveable, but can be energy-draining for those around him and if you're watching him on television. When you anticipate responding negatively, STOP, imagine for 15 seconds what would happen if you did the nice thing. When you imagine it, feel real joy or peace about that future moment. Then, and this is a very important step, DO IT. "Nike" that vision. Watch what happens when you don't do that typical, bad thing!

I have done this before and it works. I do not get caught in a downward spiral of being irritated. I do not feel like my weaknesses are stronger than me. I do feel like I'm making positive contributions to other people's lives. I feel happier and better. I might even feel so good at this turn-around that I make cookies for the other person.

No matter how strongly I feel about this surprise tactic, it won't make any difference in your life unless you take it and make it your own positive experience. It's addictive behavior to surprise yourself and others by reacting in a normal, healthy way. There's no end to the difference this 15-second switch will make in your relationships with significant others, siblings, co-workers, your dog, the list is endless. Next time you feel like you want to lash out, stop. Take those seconds to reinvent yourself and take control of the direction of your behavior. If you do this every time, your life will change.

15 seconds. Surprise tactic for yourself and others. Always do the right thing, even when you have a good reason not to do it.

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Stop lying to yourself, pornography is killing your mind https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/stop-lying-to-yourself-pornography-is-killing-your-mind/ Sat, 09 May 2015 06:30:03 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/stop-lying-to-yourself-pornography-is-killing-your-mind/ Pornography isn't harmless, it does affect you, and it is hard to stop using. It's worth the effort to stop,…

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On May 6th, Conan O'Brien caused a fury when he tweeted out to his followers, "I'm sad that young people will never experience the magic of seeing pornography on the big screen."

Many people responded to O'Brien, asking him to take a stance against pornography, instead of joking about it. Why? Because whether you believe it or not, pornography is a distructive habit.

Why do people look at pornography? Although reasons may vary, some people blame curiosity, boredom, dissatisfaction with their sexual relationships or simply to learn more about sex.

The problem is, pornography is a distorted, disjointed and disconnected depiction of sex. The pornography industry devalues sexual relationships to make money.

The pornography industry wants customers that are addicts. Just like alcohol companies, the tobacco industry and drug dealers, they make their money by selling products that are difficult to stop using. It's really hard to stop. Sometimes stopping means getting headaches, feeling nauseous or irritable, and generally struggling to function.

Is pornography harder to stop using than drugs?

Yes. Much harder.

Pornography affects the brain

Our brains release chemicals to reward us for life-sustaining activities like exercising and eating. This is called the "reward pathway" where the "happy" chemicals flow, like endorphins and dopamine.

Fight the New Drug explains it this way: "The way substances like cocaine and opioids make users feel its effects is by triggering the reward pathway to release high levels of dopamine without making the user do any of the work to earn it. Want to guess what else does that? Porn."

In his statement before Congress, Dr. Jeffrey Satinover, a psychoanalyst and psychologist, warned, "With the advent of the computer, the delivery system for this addictive stimulus [pornography] has become nearly resistance-free. It is as though we have devised a form of heroin 100 times more powerful than before, usable in the privacy of one's own home and injected directly to the brain through the eyes."

Anyone call tell you that drugs are bad for your body and everyone knows that drugs mess up your mind. Pornography is the worst new drug.

The same way that alcoholics need more alcohol to become intoxicated, porn users eventually become desensitized to the images they see. They need to do more and it needs to become more intense or stimulating for them to get the "buzz" or "rush" that they want.

Pornography distorts reality

Pornography really is that serious. It is exploitation. It distorts things that are sacred and innocent. We want and need to share experiences with other people. It is not just WHAT we feel that is satisfying, but WITH WHOM we share the experiences.

In a study conducted by The Virginia Commonwealth University, Dr. Jennifer Johnson found that pornography controlled and damaged the participants' sexual relationships.

She explains that, "among college-aged heterosexual men, 51 percent masturbated to pornography several times per week, 19 percent use it several times per month and 13.5 percent use it daily. Men who watched more pornography deliberately conjured up pornographic images to maintain arousal during sex and preferred pornography over real-life sexual encounters. In other words, pornography is not mere fantasy for men; instead, it shapes how they engage in intimate behaviors."

Sex is less meaningful if it satisfies only one person's needs. Sex is more satisfying if it is a shared experience.

Sex is an expression of love. Pornography is an expression of lust. The age-old discussion of "love vs. lust" can be answered with the question:

How much do you contribute towards and work for the affection you intend to receive?

Pornography affects more than its participants. It is not an isolated, personal choice. It affects the entire spectrum of people relationships. Turn off the screens, go on dates, have meaningful conversations and be gentle and kind.

So many people struggle and want to stop struggling with their pornography addiction. There is love and help all around you. We want you, and the people you love, to be stronger than pornography's control.

Please. Stop lying to yourself, pornography is killing your mind.

For more information on how to break your pornography addiction, check out these articles:

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How does my body change during pregnancy? https://www.familytoday.com/family/how-does-my-body-change-during-pregnancy/ Sun, 02 Dec 2012 03:54:47 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/how-does-my-body-change-during-pregnancy/ Pregnancy is a beautiful and very stressful life experience emotionally and physically. The creation of life takes a toll on…

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Pregnancy is a beautiful and very stressful life experience emotionally and physically. The creation of life takes a toll on the body that manifests itself in unusual and sometimes unexpected ways. Understanding what is happening can alleviate concerns and help track whether the body is following typical biological changes. While symptoms and experiences vary, there are processes that the body will undergo to develop a precious baby.

After the egg is fertilized,

the ovaries increase production of progesterone which prepares the uterus to host the newly-fertilized egg. When the egg implants, there may be light vaginal bleeding which is called "spotting."

Around week 4

there is usually there is increased tenderness in the breasts. Due to an increase in hormones, emotions are often unpredictable. (Depression affects around 10-12 percent of pregnant women; if it persists for longer than two weeks then consulting a physician is recommended.) Around week 6, headaches, constipation and faintness are typical.

Around week 7

oil glands increase production and can create the "pregnancy glow" or, unfortunately, a break out of acne. Typically, 300 extra calories should be consumed daily to support healthy baby growth. Pregnancy cravings as well as distaste for certain foods typically occur. Around week 9, blood volume increases which can lead to dizziness, urination, and bulging veins in hands and feet.

Around week 10,

feeling bloated is common since the uterus is now the size of a grapefruit. Blurry vision around this time occurs as extra fluid retained by the body thickens the eye lens and cornea. The hormone "relaxin" loosens up ligaments and joints to prepare for birth and leads to clumsiness.

Around week 14

levels of hormone human chorionic gonadotrophin drop and increases appetite and usually an improvement in mood. Skin begins to darken and spot and if dark-haired, usually dark circles appear under eyes. Around week 16, kicks from the baby can be felt.

Around week 17

it is typical and healthy to gain about a pound a week. Around week 22, blood pressure drops and may cause dizziness. Hair becomes thicker and nails become stronger. In addition to pre-natal vitamins, iron supplements should be taken to deter anemia. The extra baby weight will usually causes musculo-skeletal pain, fatigue, and shortness of breath. Around week 29, breasts will begin to prepare for nursing by leaking a yellowish, thin fluid called "colostrum" which precedes breast milk and contains antibodies that fight infection and common diseases.

Around week 30

itchy skin is common in addition to stretch marks. While calming lotion may help, they are unfortunately just an annoyance with no real cure. Around week 31, the expanding uterus puts pressure on the sciatica nerve and causes hip and lower-back pain. Around week 33, Braxton Hicks contractions usually happen. These are "false alarms" for labor contractions. To ease pain, drink water and put feet up and symptoms usually subside within an hour. Around week 35, there will be pink or bloody vaginal discharge. The hormone oxytocin increases levels and causes milk glands to begin expanding and filling with colostrum.

Around week 39

mild cramps may occur. The typical range of time for labor is between 38 and 42 weeks. If the baby is not born before 42 weeks, consult a physician for induced labor.

The process of pregnancy is not easy, nor should one expect it to be. Taking care of a baby is a time-consuming role of responsibility that may occur when neither parent may feel at their most capable performance level. The stress is intense in proportion to the joy of taking care of an innocent baby.

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new."—Rajneesh

Biological explanations of changes during pregnancy can reduce stress and frustration. This article serves as a guide for those involved in the pregnancy progress. Credit to Source: the Parents website, article "Your Changing Body Week by Week" 2012

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