Pop quiz time: Your friend is going through a really though time. Perhaps she's getting a divorce. Perhaps she's dealing with depression or with an eating disorder. Or perhaps she has a child with special needs and it's really taking a toll.

How do you respond?

If you're like most people, you're probably a little uncertain. You want to help, but you don't know how. You don't want to accidentally say the wrong thing and make it worse. You aren't sure if you should press the matter or give her some space, so you end up doing nothing at all. Or at least, far less than you know you probably should.

We've all been there.

The good news is, you're probably overthinking things. Yes, it's possible you might say the wrong thing. And yes, it's possible that you could even make it worse. But for most people, just knowing that you're there and trying means the world.

In fact, if you look at the book of Job in the Bible, when Job was going through a really tough time, his friends certainly didn't get it all right. In fact, they were even chastised by God for their poor advice to Job! (Talk about embarrassing!)

But I highly doubt Job would have wished they wouldn't have come at all. Job's friends may have made some mistakes, but they got a lot of things right too. And there's a lot we can learn from the story about helping a friend through a tough time.

1. Be there for them

_When Job's three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. -Job 2:11-13

When Job's friends saw that he was suffering, they were there for him. They visited him, sat with him and let him know there were truly there for him - for seven days and seven nights! That's a long time to give up everything to be there for your friend.

Chances are, you can't drop everything and sit with your friend for a week straight, but there's likely something you can do. For example, you could:

• Stop by with a gift, a meal, and a hug

• Offer to take their kids for the night (or the weekend) so they can have some quiet time

• Help out with the housework, running errands or coordinating important events, papers or appointments

• Do the yard work or wash their car

• Walk, feed or groom their pets

• Take them to a movie, concert or out to eat to help get their mind off of their situation

2. Keep unwanted advice to yourself

If you notice in the verses above, Job's friends sat with him for seven days before they launched in with their advice. That's a long time to be quiet! And yet, sometimes it's not long enough.

If your friend is looking for a solution and you have something that will truly be helpful to them, then by all means, you should share.

But, if your friend is hurting or grieving right now, they may not be ready for your advice just yet. And that's okay. Start by being a good, understanding friend now and you can share your advice later.

Not sure which your friend needs from you? Ask them! Simply say, "I'm so sorry to hear you're having a rough time right now! I care about you and I want to help. What's more helpful to you right now? A shoulder to lean on or a practical solution to your problem? (Or both?) I'm here with whatever you need!"

Plus, just because your friend doesn't want your advice doesn't mean that they unwilling to listen altogether. They may already have gotten good advice from another friend or they may already know what they need to do but they just haven't gotten up the courage to do it yet.

Help your friend out in the way that best helps THEM, not you.

3. Avoid cliches

Once Job's friends did start to speak, unfortunately, things turned sour quickly. Job's friends started relying on half-true church-y beliefs in an attempt to understand the situation. Basically, since God allows the wicked to suffer, then surely Job must have done something wrong to cause his suffering. But this wasn't really the case. And it's not always the case today either.

Just because a phrase sounds good or is true sometimes doesn't mean that it's true all of the time or that you need to say it.

Phrases such as "Everything happens for a reason!" "When God closes a door, He opens a window," and "The Lord never gives you more than you can handle," aren't helpful. They may make you feel better, but they aren't likely to help someone who is truly suffering.

If you don't know what to say, that's okay. Simply say "I'm so sorry you're going through this" or "How can I help?" Ask if you can pray with them and do it right then and there. But don't just spout off empty phrases just so you have something Biblical-sounding to say.

4. Encourage them to seek the Lord

Then the Lord answered Job out of the storm... - Job 38:1a

After several rounds of back-and-forth with his friends, Job finally speaks to God himself about the situation. But unfortunately, he doesn't get any easy answers.

While we know the back story of God allowing Satan to test Job for His own glory from chapter one, God never reveals this information to Job. He simply puts Job in his place for failing to trust Him.

The truth is, no matter how strong our faith is, all of us will go through a rough time at some point. And when we do, it's only natural for our faith to start to falter. It happened to the best of them all throughout the Bible. But the good news is, God can handle it! God is bigger than our emotions and stronger than our circumstances, and when we're upset we should come to Him. It's not like He doesn't already know what we're struggling with!

It isn't until Job has a heart-to-heart with God that he realizes how big and wonderful God still is, and it helps him regain his composure and his perspective.

If your friends are going through a tough time, pointing them back towards Jesus (in a loving and caring manner) may be just what they need.

5. Pray for them

So now take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and sacrifice a burnt offering for yourselves. My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly. You have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has... After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before. - Job 42:8,10

Job may have been the one going through a rough time at the beginning of the book, but by the end of it, his friends weren't looking so great either. Thankfully, they had Job there to pray for them.

Can your friends count on you to pray for them too?

Not just once or every once in a long while when you remember to but round-the-clock as long as their troubles persist?

Not sure what to pray? Here are a few ideas:

• Pray that this experience would draw them near God - not pull them further away.

• Pray that they would trust God despite their storms.

• Pray that God would be near them and comfort them.

• Pray that you would have the wisdom to say and do the right things.

• Pray that God would use this situation for their good.

• Pray that all things would work out to God's glory.

It's hard to see a friend going through a rough time especially when you don't have the answers or don't know what to do. Thankfully, when we take a note from the book of Job, it makes the process much easier.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Equipping Godly Women. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

The post 5 ways to help someone going through a rough time appeared first on FamilyToday.

I am a worrier.

I come by it naturally. Both of my parents are worriers too. There wasn't a night I worked late that my mom wasn't right there on the couch waiting for me to come home. And the one time I showed up 20 minutes late (I was parked in and had to wait for someone to move their car), my dad was already out looking for me by the time I got home.

I suppose you could say it runs in the family.

Honestly, I don't even worry about that many things, but the things I do worry about - I worry about a lot. Like checking the oven before I go to bed. Not just once, but multiple times. And when we have to leave the house for more than a few hours, you can literally hear me purposely deep breathing in order to stay calm. Yeah, I'm kind of nuts like that.

Ask your average person "Should Christians worry?" and you'll probably get a pretty nonchalant answer like "Well, we probably shouldn't, but it's not really a big deal." Or "Well, I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it."

Except ... there's one thing you may not have realized ...

When you worry, you are saying that God can't handle it or that God won't handle it

You are saying God isn't in control. That God can't handle it. That God doesn't have a plan. That God doesn't have the resources at His easy disposal. Or that He wouldn't give them to you if He did. That He would withhold them and watch you suffer.

You are saying that God doesn't love you enough to provide for you. That He doesn't care about your situation. That He is distant, cold and unfeeling. That he has forgotten about you. That you are a better parent than He is. After all - you take care of your children. But He can't be trusted to take care of His...

When you worry, you are saying that the outcome of the situation depends on you - not God. You are saying that YOU are in control. And that no one else is responsible or trustworthy enough to handle the situation including God.

And yet, that's the opposite of what the Bible says.

Matthew 6 makes it very plain that we are not to worry - that God has it ALL under control! And they aren't the only ones either. The Bible is full of verses encouraging us to live and faith and stories outlining the numerous times when God has come through. You just have to believe them and act upon them ...

Knowing you aren't supposed to worry and actually stopping are two completely different things, however. So how do you actually stop worrying and trust God to have everything all under control? Here's what I recommend:

1. Pray

The next time you start to worry, take your worry and turn it into a prayer instead. Let it be a reminder to go to God in everything. Ask God for His help and guidance, and then thank Him for the things He is already doing and will do to work out the situation. I find that when I purposely choose a heart of gratitude, many of my worries quickly disappear.

2. Meditate on encouraging Bible verses

Joshua 1:8 tells us that we are to meditate on the word day and night, and there is no better time to remember God's promises than when we are worried.

In fact, here are a few of my favorite verses for when you are worried to get you started:

In peace I will both lie down and sleep, For You alone, O Lord, make me to dwell in safety. -Psalm 4:8

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? -Luke 12:25

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. -Psalm 56:3

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? -Romans 8:31

The Lord is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid? -Psalm 27:1

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. -Isaiah 41:10

I would highly recommend writing out one of these verses (or a different one that has special meaning to you) and putting it somewhere where you'll see it regularly. Read over it as needed, and work on committing it to memory so you can call it to mind as needed wherever you are.

3. Take every thought captive

Okay, this might sound simplistic, but the next time you find yourself worrying about something, simply refuse to entertain those thoughts anymore. No, you may not be able to keep the thoughts from popping up on their own randomly, but you CAN refuse to let them linger.

The next time you begin to worry, force yourself to think about something else instead. Pray, remember a Bible verse, go for a run, sing a song, read a book, talk to your spouse, paint your toenails - anything you can do to focus your mind on something positive instead.

4. Live out your victory

Chances are, you're probably familiar with 2 Corinthians 5:17, which states "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" but there's one thing you may have overlooked.

This verse doesn't say that you are becoming a new creation. It doesn't say that you can hopefully be better down the road someday if you try really hard. It says you ARE a new creation. The old is gone, the new is here.

As Christians, Satan tries to tell us that not only do we not measure up now, but we never will. This simply is not true. As Christians we ARE a new creation. We CAN stop worrying. And it's time to live in that truth.

5. Keep walking day by day

Does that mean you are going to be perfect right away? No, of course not. But every time you choose to take your thoughts captive for Christ and live out your victory, your faith grows that much more as a result. Make every day a little better than the last and you may be surprised how your faith grows as a result.

A few more quick tips:

Okay, these aren't all super spiritual, but these are what help me:

• Worried you forgot to do something? Think of a random cue word when you do it. (Like marshmallow or tiger). Then, when you start to worry "Did I do that?" - as long as you can remember your cue word, you know you did. (Because you wouldn't have one if you hadn't done the task.)

• You can also put a small check mark on your hand or a slip of paper.

• Or, intentionally misplace something and remember where you put it. If you can remember moving your curling iron from the bathroom to your bedroom, you know it's off because you remember moving it. I usually remember which way the cord is facing. If I can visualize the cord on the floor, I know it's not plugged in.

• Logically consider the worst case scenario - is it really that bad? How likely is it to happen? For example, if I forget to lock the front door before I run to the grocery for an hour, someone could break in, but would they? It's very unlikely. And even if they did, no one would get hurt because no one is home and all of our stuff is replaceable. We'd be fine.

I think if most of us were being honest, we would admit that we don't enjoy worrying and that we know we should stop, but we simply don't know how or feel like we can't. The good news is, nothing could be further from the truth.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Equipping Godly Women. It has been republished here with permission.

The post The truth about worrying and how to find peace appeared first on FamilyToday.

I don't know about you, but respect has never come easily to me.

I'm fairly traditional and feminine (I'm not a tomboy by any means), but I am also strong, stubborn, opinionated, and self-centered at times. I'm a perfectionist, and I like to have things done a certain way.

It's not my husband's fault I'm not very good at respecting him. He's a great guy! He definitely reserves all the respect I am called to give him. It's my fault alone.

Unfortunately, for some of you, your situation may be different. You may be married to a man who truly makes respecting him difficult.

Maybe he talks down to you, criticizes you or makes you feel inferior. Maybe he gets angry more often than he should, goes out with his friends more often than he should or simply doesn't pay attention to you like he should. Maybe he checked out emotionally years ago. Maybe he's rude, forgetful, or you don't feel like you can trust him with even the simplest of tasks, much less your heart.

Let me be clear: I am NOT talking about a husband who is physically or emotionally abusive but just a husband who's kind of a jerk.

As a Christian wife, you know you are called to be respectful, but how do you respect someone like that?

1. Understand the true meaning of respect

Merriam Webster defines respect as "a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and should be treated in an appropriate way."

Respect doesn't mean you become a doormat, that you praise your husband in an over-the-top ridiculous way or that you can never have an opinion on anything. Respect simply means honoring the dignity of the other person and recognizing their inherent worth as a human being created by God.

Respecting your husband doesn't mean making yourself unimportant or insignificant while your husband rules with an iron fist and does whatever he wants. It means that you don't treat him like he's inferior, like he's a child, or like his opinions and preferences don't matter. You value him and treat him honorably. You view your husband as God views him - as a dearly beloved child of God - and you act like it.

2. Understand that respect is a command

Wouldn't it be great if we could all just pick and choose which parts of the Bible we want to follow and ignore the rest? Well, it doesn't work like that. When God commands us to do something, He expects us to listen. And in Ephesians chapter 5, God commands women to respect their husbands.

"Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." - Ephesians 5:33

It doesn't say "if he deserves it." It doesn't say "after he earns it." It doesn't say "if you feel like it." It doesn't say "if he treats you right." It says "the wife must see to it." In other words, do it. Whether you want to or not.

Now, yes, it does say that the husband is supposed to love his wife as well. And if both the husband and the wife held up their end of the deal - respect would be easy! But you aren't responsible for what your husband does; you're responsible for you. And God commands YOU to be respectful.

3. Put that respect into action

Waiting until you feel like respecting your husband before you start acting like it? You may be waiting a while. Whether your husband is a jerk or a great guy, the way we feel about people is influenced in large part by the way that we treat them and talk about them.

So if you want to feel respectful to your husband, start with your actions first.

Now, every husband will feel respected in a slightly different way, so what works for one husband may not work for yours, but here are a few ideas to get you started thinking:

• Compliment him

• Show appreciation

• Do things his way without a fight

• Ask for his opinion or advice

• Focus on the positive

• Build him up in front of others (even if he's not around)

• Be intimate with him

• Give him the benefit of the doubt

• Speak in a loving tone

• Treat him as an equal, not a child

• Back him up in front of the children

• Avoid nagging and complaining

• Pick up things he likes at the grocery store

Do you struggle with respecting your husband? What is it that's getting in your way? It is that you don't want to respect him or you just don't know how?

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Equipping Godly Women. It has been republished here with permission.

The post How to respect your husband when he’s a jerk appeared first on FamilyToday.

Well, of course the first few items on our lists matched. Everyone knows that God comes first, then your spouse, then family, etc., etc., on down the line. (I don't remember what we put for 4 and 5, but we both had pretty predictable answers.)

The thing is, it's one thing to make God your #1 priority on a piece of paper. That's easy to do. Everyone knows that.

But actually living like it? Well, that's a whole different matter altogether.

The truth is, as much as we say that we put God first in our lives, the truth is that most of us honestly don't put Him first as much as we think we do. And if we were being completely honest with ourselves, we would realize that we had a lot of work to do.

Don't believe me? Here are four times you may not be making God the priority you think...

(Note: This is not to be taken in a judgmental way - these are definitely things I struggle with too! But neither of us can improve in these areas until we first recognize that they exist. Which is the point of this post today. Just some food for thought and growth.)

1. In your finances

Do you give to your church on a regular basis? Do you donate to charity? If so, do you do so out of a sense of obligation or out of a spirit of abundance and joy?

The fact is, as Christians, we should be the most generous people of all. There are hurting, needy people out there who desperately need us to help take care of them, and we are called to.

If you have enough money for cable TV, a gym membership, a fancy cell phone, new clothes for you and toys for your kids but you can't afford to give to the church and/or charity, you may not be making God your #1 priority.

2. In your schedule

When Sunday morning rolls around, are you ready and eager to go to church? Or do you dread the thought of going every week? What about the rest of the week? Do you make meeting with God and other believers a very regular part of your life, or do you only go when you have to or when there's something in it for you?

Yes, Christians should absolutely attend church regularly if at all possible. If your family is sick, you're super pregnant or disabled, you don't have transportation, or you're working through some serious hurts, then you may have a legitimate excuse. BUT even so - how is your attitude towards God and the church? Are you sad that you're missing out and trying to find ways to meet with God and His people in a way that you can? Or are you looking for any excuse you can find to get out of it?

If you have time for a couple hours of TV every night, time to take your children to their favorite after school activities and time to go out with your friends on the weekends but you don't have the time (or energy) to make it to church on Sunday mornings, you may not be making God your #1 priority.

3. When making big decisions

Exciting news! You just got proposed to, got a promotion, found a house and/or starting talking about having babies! Life couldn't be better! Or so it seems ... sometimes the things that seem like the clear choice to us aren't really the right choice from God's perspective.

When you are faced with a big or important decision, how do you respond? Do you dive right on in, excited to get started? Do you make a careful list of pros and cons. Do you call your mom and ask for her advice or talk it over with your husband?

While all of these are good things, you may be forgetting the most important thing of all - going to God in prayer to find out what He thinks.

Because when you truly put God first, your life becomes less about you and what you want and more about God and what He wants.

Can you honestly say your life is perfectly aligned to His will? Do you know? Have you asked?

4. In your choice of entertainment

Everyone loves to unwind at the end of a long day. What's your favorite way to relax?

While there is definitely nothing wrong with enjoying a great book or movie or other form of entertainment other than just being at church all day long, sometimes the things we choose really aren't the best for us.

When's the last time you really listened to those song lyrics you put in the car? When's the last time you really paid attention to how much sex and violence you're watching on TV? The truth is that we watch and listen to so much garbage that we become desensitized to it after a while.

Do you really want to spend hours every day watching shows that glorify premarital sex, crude humor, revenge and selfishness? Do you really want to fill your mind with obscene language, images of people dressed questionably or plain ol' stupidity?

Colossians chapter 3 tells us to set our minds and hearts on things above. Are you doing that?

If this article made you uncomfortable, that's a good thing. That means you have some things to work on. The truth is, we ALL have things to work on. And now that you know what a few of them are, you can.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Equipping Godly Women. It has been republished here with permission.

The post 4 ways you aren’t making God your first priority appeared first on FamilyToday.

As a Christian, how do you feel about things like yoga, trick-or-treating on Halloween, reading Harry Potter, drinking, reading your horoscope, spending time with non-Christians, gossiping, participating in Lent, reading "50 Shades of Grey," and watching your favorite band at the local bar?

What about your friends? Do they agree?

The truth is, for as long and as large as the Bible is, it still leaves a lot of room for interpretation in some areas. And the things that you would find objectionable, your friends may not be opposed to at all - even if they are committed Christians just like you.

This doesn't mean you need to get into an entire heated debate to convince them that you're right and they're wrong (after all, it may be you that is wrong ... or no one at all). But I think it is important to realize that even among Christians circles there will still be plenty of chances to get involved in things we really should not be involved in.

So how do you respond when the inevitable happens? Your friends all want to see the latest movie - even though you've heard it's garbage. Your colleagues at work constantly gossip and expect you to join in. Your best friend is on the verge of an affair and wants you to cover for her ... How do you react?

As hard as it is, sometimes saying "yes" to God will require you to say "no" to your friends. And here's how to do just that.

1. Choose Your Friends Wisely

"Do not be deceived: 'Bad company ruins good morals.'" - 1 Corinthians 15:33

One of the easiest ways to keep yourself out of trouble is simply to choose your friends wisely. Whether you like it or not, the people you choose to spend time with can and do have a tremendous impact on you and the choices you make.

There's a famous quote from motivational speaker Jim Rohn that goes: "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." Whether or not this is always true, it certainly provides a lot to think about.

If you surround yourself with negative people, you're likely to become one too. If you surround yourself with people who are selfish or greedy, you're like to become selfish and greedy too. But, if you surround yourself with Godly friends who are intentional about putting God first, you likely will too.

Who are the five people you spend the majority of your time with? If you were to become just like them, would that be a good or a bad thing?

2. Know Your Boundaries

Unfortunately, even if you were to surround yourself with only the holiest of people (which I wouldn't recommend anyways, because then how could you witness to others?), you likely will find yourself in situations that you don't necessarily agree with.

Perhaps your friends engage in activities they wouldn't consider "all that bad" that you'd rather steer clear of. Things like Halloween, yoga, Harry Potter, or the latest R-rated movie. Or perhaps your friends simply have bad habits they haven't been able to break yet. (No one's perfect)

In situations like these, it's up to you to decide ahead of time what you are and are not okay with.

Don't wait until you're in the heat of the moment. You'll be like a deer in headlights, and you'll likely just go along with everyone to be agreeable.

Decide ahead of time how you will respond.

3. Remember Your Priorities

"So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad." - 2 Corinthians 5:9-10

Of course, just because you decide ahead of time how you will respond doesn't mean that that response will come easily when it's time to act (or not act, as the case may be).

When you're in the heat of the moment ... When you know what you should say or do, but you're having a difficult time doing i t... It's time to remember your priorities.

After all, going against the grain is rarely fun. We all want to be liked and make others happy. Saying no isn't easy.

But when you keep an eternal perspective and remember who you REALLY want to please, it does get a lot easier to use the situation as a witnessing opportunity instead of a missed opportunity to have some inappropriate fun.

4. Have an "Out"

Have you taken the time to set your boundaries and establish your priorities but you're still struggling to say no? If so, it can help to have a good excuse at the ready.

Now, I don't mean to lie. But you may want to be prepared with a few phrases you can say to get yourself out of the conversation gracefully. For example:

"I don't really feel like going out today. I think I'm just going to stay home and relax instead."

"As much as I'd love to hang out with you, we're trying to save money right now, so I'm going to have to pass."

"Thanks for thinking of me, but I'm going to have to pass this time. Next time you get together, let me know."

"I'm not a big fan of [whatever activity]. What about doing [a different activity] instead?"

"I've been meaning to spend more time with my kids/spouse lately, so I should probably do that instead. Maybe we can get together another time?"

5. Stand Firm

"So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven." - Matthew 10:32-33

If your friends are easy-going and laid-back, one polite "no" or "not this time" may be all it takes to steer the conversation in another direction. Sometimes, however, a polite excuse simply isn't going to be enough. And when this happens, you're going to have to stand firm.

Tell your friend why you have no interest in whatever activity your friend wants you to do. You don't have to be rude and judgmental, but you don't have to back down either. Simply say no, give as much explanation as you feel comfortable, and leave it at that.

Ultimately, you don't owe your friends an explanation for why you will or will not participate in any activity, although it is better to give one if you can. Maybe they simply don't know or simply never thought about the issue the way you have? And perhaps they have some insight you've never considered either.

Whether your friends respect your decision, pester you, laugh at you, ignore you or don't really care either way, that doesn't really matter. They can do what they want. You do what you know is right.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Equipping Godly Women. It has been republished here with permission.

The post When saying ‘yes’ to God means saying ‘no’ to friends appeared first on FamilyToday.

Looking back over the years I've been a Christian, it has been an interesting ride for sure. There were times when God felt SO close, and times when I couldn't feel Him at all. Times when I wanted nothing more than to devote my entire life to Him, and times when I struggled to care.

Isn't that how it goes, though?

For better or for worse, our relationship with God is never something that happens automatically. Just like in a marriage or a relationship with a friend, a relationship with God is something that needs to be nurtured. It often requires time, work and discipline. And even then, there will likely come a time when you simply do not feel as close to God as you should.

At times like these, you have a choice. You can ignore the situation, letting your relationship with God slide onto the back burner. Or you can make the conscientious choice to improve your relationship so God doesn't feel so far away. And here are six ways to do just that.

1. Evaluate your spiritual life

The truth is, if God feels far away, it's likely the result of something you are doing that you shouldn't, or something you should be doing that you're not. So, in seeking to restore your relationship when God feels far away, the first thing you need to do is to figure out what is causing the divide in the first place, if you can. Here are a number of questions you can ask yourself:

Are you earnestly seeking Him?

How have your quiet times been lately? Are you reading the Word on a regular basis? Do you spend time in prayer? Are your prayers deep and heartfelt, or have they become shallow, weak and routine?

When it comes time to make an important decision, do you earnestly seek His will?Do you go to Him first in every situation? Do you look for ways to improve your walk and grow in faith every day? Are you surrounding yourself with other Christians and spending more time in Godly sources than in secular books and media?

Are you involved in a church and/or small group? Do you have Godly friends who keep you accountable? Do you put yourself in situations where your faith is strengthened, rather than diminished? Do you listen to Christian radio or watch Christian movies?

Do you have sin or disobedience in your life?

On the other hand, your distance may be caused by a poor decision you made, rather than a gradually wandering away. Ask yourself:

Is there anything God has asked you to do that you aren't doing or anything He has asked you to stop doing that you have refused? Have you been sinful or disobedient in any area of your life, including the "more socially acceptable" sins such as worry, over-eating and jealousy?

Ask God to search your heart and reveal to you any junk you need to get rid of. Then do it.

2. Spend some time in prayer

Jeremiah 29:13 says "You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." In this verse, God is specifically talking to the Israelites, but I believe it applies to us as well. When we earnestly seek God, He will not hide from us. Even if it takes time, determination and repentance, we WILL find God when we earnestly seek Him with our whole hearts.

So, if God feels far away, have you tried specifically asking Him to reveal Himself to you?

No matter what you are feeling right now, your emotions are not too big for God. Your problems, worries, fears and frustrations are nothing He can't handle. Even if He feels far away, know that He is listening and that He cares. Pour your heart out to Him in prayer and ask Him to reveal Himself and His plan to you in the process.

3. Dig in deep to the Word

Far from just a dusty old book of rules, the Bible is full of trustworthy, inspiring passages that will give you the hope you need to make it through any tough time. Take these verses, for example:

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." -Deuteronomy 31:6

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." -Hebrews 13:5

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." -Hebrews 13:8

If you want encouragement from someone who has been there, just read the Psalms. It will give you a whole new perspective and a big dose of encouragement no matter what type of trial you are going through.

4. Change your routine

Could it be that you've simply fallen into a rut, allowing your relationship with God to become routine? If so, a simple change of pace may be just what you need to liven things up a bit.

If you usually listen to upbeat praise and worship music, find some good hymns. Go for a walk outside or to a new location with a beautiful view. Try reading a different translation of the Bible or a new Christian living book that is supposed to be incredibly inspiring.

Volunteer in a new area that is a little foreign to you. Pray Scriptures, traditional prayers or prayers from the heart - whichever form you aren't as used to. Try Bible journaling, keeping a diary, or joining a new Bible study.

You never know what new habit or practice you'll fall in love with until you try a few new ones.

5. Shift your focus

Sometimes, when God feels far away, it's too easy to become inwardly focused and wallow in self pity. "Why me? What did I do wrong? Why is God doing this to me?"

And while it is good to take some time for self-examination, unfortunately, it's also all too easy to become self-centered and selfish.

Fight this by intentionally placing your focus on others instead. Volunteer. Reach out to those around you. Get involved in church or another Christian community. Help others who have needs far worse than yours. Make a long list of all of the blessings in your life or all of the things you are thankful for.

Once you start focusing on meeting others' needs instead of just your own, it won't be long until you realize just how lucky you are and how good you already have it. And this spirit of thankfulness can really help you get back on track with God as you realize He's still right there beside you, taking care of you, all along.

6. Wait patiently

And lastly, if you've done all of that and you STILL feel far away from God, take heart. Just because you don't understand God's plan for you doesn't mean He doesn't have one. There may be something He's waiting for, or it may be a matter of allowing His power to shine more brightly in your weakness.

God loves you and He will NOT leave you or forsake you, Hebrews 13:5 promises us that. Hang in there. There is a reason, and this season of waiting will not last forever. I promise.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Equipping Godly Women. It has been republished here with permission.

The post What to do when God feels far away appeared first on FamilyToday.

In high school, I turned down a good job I'm pretty sure I would have been hired for because they said they would require me to work an occasional Sunday. I was a Christian, and Christians don't work on Sundays. Even occasionally.

Oh, how times have changed.

By the time I was in college, I was regularly working Sundays. Pretty much every week, in fact. And while I only worked Sunday evenings - not mornings so I could still go to church - the idea of setting Sundays apart as a day of rest quickly went out the window.

Well, now, I'm trying to change that.

As a busy work-at-home mom of three little ones, setting aside an entire day for rest and worship is trickier than ever, but it's also more important than ever. Not only because God deserves it, but also because I need it! And you do too.

Is Keeping the Sabbath Still Necessary?

While honoring the Sabbath is listed as one of the 10 commandments, you may be surprised to find that the New Testament says relatively little about the practice.

In Acts, we do find the early church meeting together regularly to break bread and take a collection. But then Colossians 2:16 says not to let others judge you based on whether or not you keep the Sabbath and Mark 2:27 says the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.

Personally, I'm not sure if keeping a day of rest is absolutely REQUIRED, but I do think it's vitally important! Like eating fruits and vegetables. Sure, you probably could live without eating any ever, but you probably shouldn't.

Anyways ... If you'd like to create a more worshipful Sunday (or Saturday or whenever), here are six tips to help you do just that.

1. Block Off Your Calendar

What do you usually do on Sundays? If it doesn't actively encourage you to be more Christ-like, cancel it. Yes, we are called to worship God in everything we do, but Sundays aren't meant to be just another day; they are a day we should set apart.

Does this mean you can't do ANYTHING on Sundays? No. It's perfectly alright to fill your Sundays with activities that allow you to rest and worship. But don't try to just fit God in the cracks of your everyday life. Start with a blank slate and then fit in only the activities that truly bring you closer to Him.

2. Prepare in Advance

Creating a more worshipful Sunday is absolutely nothing like running a marathon, except in this: If you want it to go well, you need to prepare in advance.

Sure, you could just randomly wake up one morning and decide to take it easy. But if having a truly worshipful Sunday were that easy, you would have done it already, a long time ago. So prepare.

Make a casserole in advance so all you have to do is put it in the oven after church. Or throw ingredients in the crock pot so all you have to do is turn it on.

Set out your clothes the night before, so you can make sure you have everything you need and that it's all clean and ready to go.

Pack your church busy bag and/or diaper bag if you have small children.

Make sure the house is all clean the night before.

Figure out what you're going to do all day. First church, then what? Get together with friends and family? Read your Bible? Complete a service activity? Nap?

Make sure everything is done for Monday too. This means homework, permission slips and lunch money forms are completed and in backpacks, work projects are ready to go, shoes and coats are where they belong, etc.

3. Eliminate Common Distractions

Next, figure out what obstacles are standing in the way of you having a truly worshipful Sunday and eliminate them. You may not be able to anticipate them all in advance, but as you start being intentional about your Sundays, notice which activities, attitudes and distractions frequently pop up and get in your way.

Are you constantly running late for church? Maybe you need to set everything out the night before, start getting ready earlier, make your kids a picture chart so they can get ready independently, make a simpler breakfast, or set a "get in gear" alarm for five to ten minutes before it's time to go. One family I know even changed the clocks to be 15 minutes fast because they were always running late!

Do you struggle with your attitude? If you find yourself perpetually annoyed, irritable, grouchy or tired, take steps to cheer up! Start your day with coffee and Scripture before the kids wake up, start your morning routine earlier so you won't have to rush, create routines so getting everyone ready is met with less resistance, etc.

Do you struggle with motivation? Worshiping God shouldn't be a boring obligation! Put on upbeat praise and worship music, read a fantastic Christian living book, schedule a fun night with your small group, or purchase tickets to see a Christian concert or comedian. Obviously you might not be able to do this every week, but it's great for those first few weeks.

4. Post Reminders Around Your Home

Honestly, sometimes the hardest part of setting a day aside for God is simply remembering to keep our focus on Him all day instead of getting distracted by all of the small things we find in and around our homes (like work, laundry, and the same old television shows).

One great way to keep your focus on God is to place visible reminders around your home in places where you will see them regularly.

5. Find Accountability

Even with the best of intentions, it's all too easy to fall off track and resort back to old habits. Thankfully, having some form of accountability can help.

Having a specific accountability partner is your best bet, but if you aren't comfortable with that or don't know anyone, it isn't your only option. You can also download a goal tracking app or a free printable goal-tracking calendar to keep yourself accountable for how you're doing.

6. Give Yourself Grace

Lastly, give yourself grace. While it's certainly commendable to want to make every Sunday as worshipful as possible, the fact is that you ARE going to fail sometimes. Your kids are going to make you late to church, you're going to wake up grouchy sometimes, and you are going to forget things that HAVE to be done at the last minute. You're only human, and being perfect is God's job, not yours.

Yes, God does expect us to aim for perfection, but don't get legalistic with it. Don't fall into the trap of approaching Sunday worship as just another check box to cross off or another routine to go through, without stopping to take the time to actually worship from your heart, or you'll miss the entire point altogether.

God doesn't want your day planner; He wants your heart. And if you do a poor job one week - or if you've done a poor job for weeks on end - you can always get back on track next week, with His help.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Equipping Godly Women. It has been republished here with permission.

The post 6 ways to create a more worshipful Sunday appeared first on FamilyToday.

Today was a pretty good day. The kids were well-behaved and I didn't yell too much. My oldest helped me hang a few decorations in Baby's room, and I helped him with his Legos. We ate dinner together as a family, baked brownies and sang "Wheels on the Bus." When bedtime rolled around, the boys brushed their teeth and went right to sleep. It was nice.

Of course, not every day is like this, unfortunately.

In today's world of picture-perfect social media, it's all too easy to feel like we don't measure up. Thankfully, our kids don't need us to be perfect - they actually need to see us make mistakes! Here's why.

Some days I wake up tired and grouchy. I spend way too much time on Facebook mindlessly scrolling through my newsfeed while the boys fuss and fight over who gets to play with what toy.

Some days I don't have the motivation to clean, or play, or do anything at all really. So I don't. I send the boys to their room to go play and then spend most of the day counting down the minutes until nap time, then til bedtime, praying just to make it through.

And then, before I know it, the entire day is gone, and I have nothing good to show for it.

It's not pretty. And it makes me feel terribly guilty.

Do you ever have days like these? Please tell me you do!

On days like these - the really bad days - it's easy to feel like a failure. Like every other mom has it all together, but for some reason I'm just messing things up.

After all, every time I scroll through Facebook or Pinterest I'm reminded of all of the awesome things I could be doing and all of the awesome memories I could be making ... that I'm not.

Ahhh .... mommy guilt. It's a real thing! Sure, we tell ourselves that no one is perfect and that it's okay to make mistakes but do we really believe it? Sometimes it's hard to.

Well, the truth is, it isn't just okay to make mistakes, our kids NEED to see us make mistakes! (Yes, really!) And here are three reasons why.

1. It provides an opportunity to teach about God

When you completely blow it with your kids, how do you respond? Do you go on with your day and act like nothing ever happened? Do you stubbornly cling to your own way? Why not use it as a teaching opportunity to teach them about God instead?

Romans 3:23 says "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Thankfully, no matter how many times we mess up, we have a Savior that died for our sins and who goes on loving us and forgiving us anyways.

After you make a mistake is the perfect time to sit down with your children and say something like, "Man, I really blew it earlier. I'm so sorry. We all mess up sometimes, don't we? That's why I'm so very thankful for Jesus. Not only did he die to take away the eternal consequences of our sin, but no matter how much we mess up, he still keeps loving us and forgiving us every time. That's pretty special isn't it? Do you think you can forgive me too, like Jesus does?"

From important lessons on sin, forgiveness, heaven, hell and everything in between, mistakes can provide the perfect time to have some great teaching discussions.

2. It helps them cultivate Godliness

Humility, gentleness, forgiveness, empathy ... These are important skills that all Christians need to develop, and when you make mistakes with your children, you're providing your children the perfect opportunity to do so. Not only can you model for your children how to ask for forgiveness and keep trying after you have failed, but your children will likely naturally learn some gentleness, kindness and consideration for others' feelings as they do their best not to make mom more upset when she's grouchy!

So many of the lessons our children learn in relationship with us and with each other directly prepare them for their relationship with Christ - we just have to realize it and seize the opportunity when it comes our way!

3. It provides a valuable learning opportunity

When you tell your children to do something, how do they respond? Do they listen right away or do they ask "Why?" (My oldest is a chronic "Why"-er. He doesn't even mean to disobey - he just wants to know!)

As annoying as it can be to have your children question you instead of immediately doing as they are told, asking "Why" does serve an important lesson. It helps children understand why something is good/bad/necessary/unnecessary so they can make better decisions in the future, when they must eventually make decisions on their own.

If you always tell your children to obey "because you say so" (#guilty), they are going to have a more difficult time trying to figure out the right thing to do as they grow up and encounter new and challenging situations.

Okay, so where am I going with this?

When you share the stories of your mistakes and failures with your children, you provide them with their "why."

It's one thing to say lying is wrong. It's another to share the story of the time you told a lie and you lost your best friend because of it. It's one thing to say studying is important. It's another to share the story of how you had to repeat a grade or how you got turned down for an important scholarship because you didn't study like you needed to.

When we share our stories of our failures with our children, we turn a boring and forgettable instruction into a compelling lesson they are unlikely to forget anytime soon.

And if you're worried that your children won't listen to you or respect you because of a less than honorable past, don't be. Your kids don't need to learn important life lessons from someone who did everything right. They need to learn important life lessons from someone who knows because they've been there.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Equipping Godly Women. It has been republished here with permission.

The post Why your kids need to see you make mistakes appeared first on FamilyToday.

I was four months pregnant and incredibly excited to be having a little girl when we got some news that stopped my husband and I right in our tracks. The ultrasound technician had noticed some suspicious spots on our routine prenatal ultrasound, and while they were probably nothing, they could be an indication that our unborn child had a serious chromosomal disorder that would change all of our lives forever.

We decided to have further testing done immediately, just to ease our minds, but we wouldn't have the results back for 7-10 business days.

It was a tense couple of weeks until we finally got the call we'd been waiting for - the test had come back negative. Our baby had a low risk of being born with this particular problem.

Talking to my husband later that night, he shared with me how worried he had been waiting for the results. I asked him, "How much have you prayed over the last couple of weeks?" "Nonstop!" he replied.

Of all the obstacles that hold people back from a deeper relationship with God, the question of "Why Does God Allow Suffering?" is definitely one of the most common. After all, if God can prevent bad things from happening to us, why doesn't He? Isn't it mean or cruel for Him to allow us to endure so much suffering when He could eradicate all human suffering with no more than a snap of His fingers?

It would seem so.

And yet, I'm going to argue the opposite.

As unpleasant and as senseless as our suffering can be sometimes, I'm going to argue that Christians today need MORE trials, not less. And here are five reasons why.

1. Trials force us to draw near to God

I don't know about you, but when left to my own devices, I don't always make God the #1 priority in my life like I should. I get busy. I get distracted. I get complacent. I start seeing all of my successes and failures in terms of what I've done instead of what God has done and is doing. And yet, when I find myself facing one of life's inevitable trials, I suddenly get a whole lot more spiritual.

Isn't it the same with you?

As much as we try to be good Christians and put God first on a regular basis, trials sure have a way of making us dig in deep. We pray more. We read our Bibles more. We ask for advice and try to improve our lives more. All of those things we should have been doing all along, but weren't until we got the wake-up call we needed.

God doesn't ask us to be comfortable; He asks us to be holy. And if a stern wake-up call is what it takes, then that's what it takes.

2. Trials help us help others

Another thing that's important to remember is that it's not always about us. God loves the sinner as much as the saint. He is working in their lives too, and oftentimes He uses us to do it. And sometimes that requires a bit of inconvenience on our part.

After all, how would we know how to help the hurting if we hadn't already experienced great hurt as well? How would we know how to walk alongside those who are struggling if we hadn't also struggled ourselves? How could we inspire others with our amazing story of forgiveness and hope if we had never had anything to overcome?

It's one thing to tell a hurting friend "Everything will be okay" because you believe it. It's another to be able to tell them "Everything will be okay" because you've lived it.

3. Trials deepen our faith

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." -James 1:2-4

It's one thing to say how Christians should respond to trials when life is going great. It's quite another to actually respond appropriately when you're in the midst of one.

It's easy to say God is in control when your family is happy and healthy - not so easy when you are grieving the loss of a child. It's easy to trust God with your finances when you have plenty - not so easy when you don't know how you're going to make rent this month. It's easy to say God works all things for good when your life is going great - not so easy when the latest shooting hits a little too close to home.

But the good news is, as we endure these trials, our suffering is never in vain. God uses these trials to draw us closer to Himself, test our commitment, grow our character and strengthen our faith. And what could be more important than that?

4. Trials make us an example for others

The sad reality is people deal with some pretty significant hurts every day. While some weather them gracefully, others simply don't know how they will ever make it through. And sometimes they look up to us as examples.

When others see us cling to our faith through times of great trial, it gives them the courage to cling to their faith through times of great trial. When others hear our inspiring stories of undeserved forgiveness, it gives them the courage to forgive even when it's difficult as well. And even when the consequences are totally our fault for messing up big time, they may be just the reminder or lesson someone else needs to keep their life on track.

The truth is you never know who is watching nor what kind of impact your actions - both big and small - will have on others.

5. Trials shape our behavior

If you have children, what do you do when they aren't on their best behavior? You discipline them. Not to be mean or vindictive, but because you love them and you want to make sure they learn how to behave appropriately.

Well, it should come as no surprise then, that God does the same with us.

Imagine if God never disciplined anyone. Most everyone would run around doing whatever they wanted, getting into all sorts of trouble! Yes, most of us strive to be the best Christians we can be, but in the absence of discipline, it's all too easy to get caught up in things we know we shouldn't.

Trials don't have to be a bad thing. Sometimes they are simply a matter of God using our circumstances to get us back on track where we need to be. And personally, if I'm royally messing up in a certain area, I'd rather have a period of trial and get back on track rather than simply be allowed to wander off in any direction I please without any course correction at all.

"My child, do not reject the Lord's discipline, and don't get angry when he corrects you. The Lord corrects those he loves, just as parents correct the child they delight in. Happy is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gets understanding." - Proverbs 3:11-13

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not actively wishing for more trouble in this life. Yes, of course I would love for everything to go smoothly all of the time. And yet, that's not necessarily in my best interest or yours.

So yes, it's okay to want a nice, happy life but that shouldn't be our ultimatum. At the end of the day, we should all be striving to reach the point where we can honestly say, "Lord, mold me. Use me. YOUR will be done. Whatever it takes. I'm yours."

Because that, my friends, is a powerful place to be.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Equipping Godly Women. It has been republished here with permission.

The post Why Christians need more trials appeared first on FamilyToday.

My husband and I had only been married 19 days and already the fighting was getting to him. I mean, we didn't marry for happiness, but still ... It had only been 19 days. Surely, we shouldn't be fighting already! Was our marriage doomed from the start?

I can totally understand why one would think so. After all, no one likes to talk about the bad parts of marriage, the difficult parts, the parts where you really have to hang in there. Sure, women will vent to their girlfriends, but how often is it in deep, honest conversation where we share our struggles, admit our faults and ask for advice and counsel? Not often enough.

Instead, we log in to Facebook and see all of our friends' smiling pictures. Or we talk to them and hear only the good parts of the story, because everyone knows some things are best kept to yourself. Or we watch Hollywood movies, where all of the disagreements are minor, and even the biggest disagreements are wrapped up nicely by the end of the show.

Makes it easy to feel like you're the only one struggling, doesn't it?

Well, the good news is, you're not. Marriage is hard! It just is. Whenever you take two people who grew up with different personalities, different backgrounds and different ways of doing things and suddenly expect them to live together in close quarters and work together as a team - well, it takes practice! So it's okay if it doesn't come naturally at first.

You are not the only ones struggling. Today's divorce rate alone should tell you that.

The other good news is, the fact that you and your husband fight a lot - it doesn't have to be a bad thing. My husband and I certainly have our fair share of disagreements at times, and it honestly doesn't bother me. Here are three reasons why.

1. Fighting Means We Have Some Growing to Do

My husband and I - we're not perfect. We definitely have a lot of growing and learning to do. But the thing is, we love each other anyways. Even when our imperfections drive each other crazy. He doesn't expect me to be perfect, and I don't expect him to either. We're growing and we're learning, and we're doing it together. This is not the end of our story; it's only the beginning. We'll get better with practice, and we'll do it together.

2. Fighting Means We Care

Sure, it'd be nice to be one of those rare couples who never fight. But ... personally, I'd worry that a lack of arguments would mean that we just didn't care anymore. Because honestly, the reason that we fight is usually because we DO care and because we're passionate about doing the right thing for each other and for our family. Now if only we could agree on what that is...

Our marriage, our kids, our life together ... it's worth fighting for.

3. There's No One I'd Rather Fight With

The main reason, though, is because if I'm going to have a disagreement with anyone in this life, I want it to be with my husband.

In John 16:33, Jesus promises us we WILL have troubles. They are inevitable. (Sure, he probably wasn't talking about whose turn it is to do the dishes, but still...) We're human. We aren't always going to see eye to eye.

But when I argue with my husband, I know it's not in vain. I know he loves me and has my best interests at heart. I know he will still love me tomorrow, whether we figure it out or not, and even if everything I say comes out completely wrong and not how I meant it at all.

When my husband and I argue, I know we are working on our marriage and tomorrow we will be stronger than we were today. We'll know each other better and understand each other that much more. And next time we're in this situation, we'll know just what to do (or at least have a better idea).

It's an inevitable part of the process, and it's a process I'm lucky to go through with him by my side.

Sure, fighting is never fun. It's exhausting and heartbreaking and downright annoying. But if you allow the good to come out of it, it's completely worth it once you reach the other side.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Equipping Godly Women. It has been republished here with permission.

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