Sometimes our children get tired of always having Mom or always having Dad tell them everything. Does that happen in your home? They begin to tune you out or rebel against yet another chore Mom is making them do.

One of the ways you can be spectacularly successful in teaching and training your kids is by picking other people to do the job.

Select the Trainer

When it's time to begin training your child in a task, it's important to choose who will do the training. Now, pay attention here. Note: I said choose WHO will do the training. In other words, it doesn't have to always be you.

Get creative and pick lots of different people to teach

Be creative. Frankly, some of the best training goes on by other non-parental units. Pick lots of different people to help train your child.

Who can teach your child how to take care of his bicycle? One day my son's bike had a flat. I was busy, and my hubby was out of town. I said, "Go over and ask Ernie next door to help you." Our neighbor spent two hours teaching the boys how to care for their bikes.

Think about having Grandma teach your children how to make pies or Auntie Sophie showing them how to sew. This works really well with teenagers. Ask teachers, leaders, older friends to help and you'll be much more successful.

Trade off

There is nothing quite so wonderful in blasting through stereotypes as having a woman teach "guy" things and a man teach "woman" things. Who taught my boys how to make chocolate chip cookies? Dad. Who taught them about finances? Mom.

Have older siblings train younger

One of the absolute best trainers is the older sibling. This doesn't always work well for the sibling directly next in line because they're often in conflict. However, it works great if you skip a child.

Using older siblings as trainers can be really effective. It reinforces the training for the older child, and the younger sibling pays close attention.

Be safe

Of course, make sure it is someone you know very well and that they're not totally alone. It can be an amazing experience for your child that they will never forget. They never tire of having people pay attention to them and thinking that they are important.

Having lots of people involved in the training and teaching of your child can be a rich experience for everyone. In the process, your child will learn a lot about becoming self-sufficient. That's a win for everyone.

The post How to train your children appeared first on FamilyToday.

Good parents teach and train their children along the way so that they can learn and be ready to be completely independent.

This takes time. Sometimes we're tempted to just clean the room ourselves or empty the garbage cans when the kids are slow to do their chores. But if we keep doing everything for our children, they will be completely unprepared when they're adults. That is bad for everyone.

Hold many practice sessions

After many training sessions, allow the child to have some practice sessions. Have them perform the task, then you check it. Make the checking fairly positive. If they do it incorrectly, you can say, "Oh, maybe you didn't understand this clearly when we were training. Let's practice this." Have them do it over and over. Be quite open about things.

Adding tasks as chores

Often, it helps to have these "practice sessions" become chores. Say, for example, you've taught your daughter how to weed the flowerbeds. You can then have it assigned as her chore for three months so that she can have lots of opportunities to practice. Be sure and check her afterward to see if more teaching needs to occur. Make sure it's "teaching," not yelling, criticizing, or berating.

If your child is consistently doing a poor job, stop and pull it off his chores and go back to training sessions. Sometimes the sessions are two minutes. Sometimes a little longer. "OK, here's how you use a vacuum." Boom. Two minutes. "Now you try it." Bingo. About 1 to 2 times and you're done. Much of the training will be this simple.

Having many of these tasks incorporated into chores really reinforces the training and allows lots of practice.

Mastery and incorporation into lifestyle

Eventually, the child will master the task. When that happens, step back and let them incorporate it into their lifestyle. When your child learns how to make his or her own doctor's appointments, stand back. Hand them the phone and say, "Here, honey, you need a physical for camp. Make the doctor's appointment" and let them have at it.

The general rule: If they can do it, don't do it for them

If they can make their snacks, let them. If they can pick out their clothes, let them. This not only makes them more independent, it also helps them develop self-confidence.

As your children acquire these skills and master them, let them go and become part of their own lives. This can sometimes be difficult to do. But resist the urge to slow your kids down.

The post 4 ways for kids to master a task appeared first on FamilyToday.

Some general tips can make this allowance process easier and more effective.

When to begin

- You shouldn't give an allowance until the child understands numbers and money concepts. A 3-year-old would cry if he got a dime and sister got seven pennies. We usually start at the age of 5 when they are learning money values.

When to stop

- As important as it is to have an allowance for children, it is equally important to know when to end it. In our home, allowance ends at the age of 12. This is discussed far in advance, so the children are fully aware of it and can be prepared.

Why end at 12? The most important reason is at this age, the child is able to earn his own money. He is fully capable of doing enough "money chores" to provide for his spending money. Also, she can babysit or do yardwork for others. We call it the age of "Financial Accountability." At this age, she needs to learn to manage her own income. She needs incentive to earn some. Stop the allowance and that will magically appear.

When to give

- I thought it was logical to pay a weekly allowance to my children. In the first few months, I almost went bonkers. Who carries around small change and small bills? My hubby and I would be scrounging for quarters. It was ridiculous.

We realized that monthly allowance would be much easier. On the first Saturday of the month, we would give out allowances to the children.

This did a number of wonderful things. First of all, it solved our cash dilemma and saved our brains from weekly overload. Once per month, we could plan on having the appropriate cash amounts.

Second, the children got a large amount at one time. This allowed them to buy better stuff. Think about it. You could get $1 a week. But, all you could buy would be junk. However, with $5 you could buy something more substantial. Of course, we had to put the brakes on going and buying pound-sized bags of candy.

Third, the children had to manage their money all month. This process taught wonderful lessons on frugality and postponing pleasure. They knew that if they spent it all, it was a long time until they got more.

Monthly allowances also helped train them for getting paychecks. Rarely does a job pay every week. Most jobs pay either monthly or bi-weekly. This is wonderful training for the real world in which they will need to budget their money.

How much to give

- Bottom line, don't pay too much. The appropriate amount is an amount that will cause your child to be thrifty and prudent. It is an amount that will teach them the wonderful things you want them to learn without teaching them negative things you don't want. Think about them being frugal and not being able to buy the latest video game or outfit. Think about them having enough to have fun but not enough to party every weekend and treat all their friends to the movies. If you aren't sure, err on the side of lower.

Here is our allowance rule. Each child gets $1.50 per year of age per month. So a 5-year old gets $7.50 a month. Plenty. A 10-year old gets $15. Again, plenty. Now if that is too strict for you to consider, you could use $2 per year. Again, remember it is enough to learn to manage and enjoy. Yet, not enough to meet all their needs. You want them to be highly motivated to work, remember?

Receiving an allowance is an important experience for our children. Doing so carefully will help them learn to manage their money well. That's an adult skill worth teaching and learning.

The post 4 fantastic tips for giving kids an allowance appeared first on FamilyToday.

At the age of 12, kids get a clothing budget. At this age, their allowance ends. Ah, the golden coveted "Clothing Budget." It was hilarious as my kids would approach this age - they just couldn't wait to get one. They seemed to forget about the allowance going away. That clothing budget meant they were like a grown-up.And we all know that is incredibly exciting to a 12-year-old.

When the children turn 12, they also get an annual Clothing and School Supplies budget. This is a fixed amount of money determined each year in August. From this amount, they may purchase clothing and school supplies throughout the entire year. They can blow it all in August or spread it out; it is up to them. Let me describe how this works.

The shopping list

Parents and Maria sit down and have Maria write down what clothes and supplies she believes will be needed for the year. Keep in mind, this is not a bonanza shopping adventure when she writes down that she needs 12 pairs of shoes. Here again, the key is prudent and thrifty. What she NEEDS, not wants.

Then, we total this up at budget prices. You will get much protestation at this stage and rolled eyes and dramatic sighs as your child states they "wouldn't be caught dead in budget clothing." This even occurs with boys, so I am very familiar with the arguments.

I tell the children that if they want to buy more expensive clothing, feel free to do so. They may either buy less or supplement with their own money. Some have supplemented while others grew to love cheaper stores. Add school supplies to this budget. Also add in hand-me-downs. If they needΒ five dresses and will getΒ two from their older sister, by all means deduct that.

Let's say Maria gets $250 as a clothing and supplies budget for the year, which starts in August. Sales often kick-in for school during this time of year. That money is all available in August. (If your finances can't handle that, you could do quarterly but try for no more often than that.) We have the master list and the clothing budget amount written on a card.

Please note that not every child has the same amount. In fact, Boy #4 gets a whole lot less because he is the major recipient of hand-me-downs. Yes, yes, life is not fair.

Amounts also vary because of how fast they grew. I had four boys so nicely spaced I used to take their clothes from one boy's drawer to another. Then Sons #2 and #4 grew faster. I ended up with what seemed like two sets of twins! So growth can be a factor, as well. Make no apologies for the differences. That's life. The goal is that they are adequately clothed. That's it.

Buying/spending

They can spend their money all at once if they choose, or not. Shoes are a big issue. I can remember my oldest son buying $100 shoes with his first clothing budget and having no money left for a swimsuit. He had to swim in jeans shorts. He learned quickly (as did his observant brothers).

By the time you reach the third or fourth child, they've figured out a lot. They're not so picky about expensive labels. You can certainly remind them by saying, "Don't forget, you'll need money for shorts in the summer." They're still learning. But if they choose to buy anyway, clamp that mouth shut.

Now a couple of lessons learned the hard way. Do not make church clothes a part of the clothing budget. I learned this as my son grew really fast, had used up his budget, and refused to buy church clothes with what little was left. Take that out of the equation so it doesn't become an issue.

Shopping training

Also, talk to them as they're shopping. "Do you think this will go on sale if you wait a few weeks?" "When do you think it's a good time to buy a swimsuit?" Teach them about sales (at the beginning of the season) versus clearance (at the end of the season and a LOT cheaper). Teach them to shop around to find the same item cheaper in different stores. It's rather funny.

Now my kids educate me. Who knew you could buy shoes so incredibly cheap on eBay? My kids buy (and sell) EVERYTHING on eBay and save a bundle.

Ask them, "Do you think that will fit in the spring?" By this age, advising and counseling are better than lecturing. Have them describe to you why they made a particular purchase. It will help them learn to look for value, quality, price. What wonderful, invaluable lessons.

Annual budget

Having an annual budget is also a wonderful lesson in spreading funds out, keeping track, and planning ahead.

I bless my parents for putting this into place in our family. We learned so much. By the time we were on our own at age 18, we had six years' experience. My college roommates had none. They often learned some very painful lessons at a difficult time. We knew how to shop, budget, watch sales, plan, do without, and learn to sew.

Let me tell you, kids LOVE this. They control a BIG sum of money and can make their own decisions. They know that this is adult-time. They are ecstatic.

Again, we have a couple of rules - well, I guess just one. Items must be appropriate and modest. That's it!

Great lessons can be learned by having our children learn to shop when they're in the safety of childhood and home. Great parents teach their children financial responsibility early. This is a great way for them to learn.

The post When kids buy their own clothes appeared first on FamilyToday.

Answer: Yes.

Allowance is always a tricky issue. It is fraught with strong opinions. Lucky for me, I'm writing this, so I get to give you my opinion. Take it or leave it. Through my lecturing, I've learned approximately 90% of parents give an allowance in some form. I think giving an allowance to young children is the best way to teach the practice of tithing and money management. The lessons they learn will be invaluable to them.

It's important to have our children gain experience with money in a safe environment. They can practice budgeting, spending, saving, and investing all in the safety of childhood and the family home before facing the real world as an adult.

Since few 5 year olds have their own source of income, parents need to provide money through an allowance.

Pay for Chores?

The big issue with allowance is whether to have it be linked to completing chores or not. There are different arguments for both sides of the issue. In our family, we do not tie chores and allowance. It only takes one time for your child to look up and say, "Keep the allowance. I don't want to work," and you will learn this system doesn't work well.

Chores are things we do because we're part of a family. No one pays Mom for cooking. Nobody pays Dad for weeding. There are things we do because our family does the work that needs to be done for our home and family. Paying them for everything will give them a warped sense of reality. Frankly, we do lots of things for which no one pays us. The earlier they can learn that, the better.

With that said, some of you on the other side of that argument say, "Yes, but we get paid for our jobs." Many parents want to teach that message to their children. We solve that as follows: There are regular chores required of every member of the family for which they don't get paid (or any privileges or anything). There are also what we call "Money Chores" that they can do to earn money.

Money Chores

Money Chores are larger chores requiring more effort, such as defrosting and cleaning out the freezer, large yard projects, washing and detailing the car. They provide great opportunities to earn money while learning those larger, and often rather unappealing, work activities that are good for them to learn.

Since they are getting paid, we have fairly high standards of excellence for these chores. The minute you let a lousy performance slide by, you're dead in the water. The rule is, the money chores must be checked and approved by a parent before they are paid. We talk a lot about what a real job is like and how they don't pay you in advance.

Money Chores can also be done to earn privileges rather than money. Nothing is quite so wonderful as having your teen son offer to wash and vacuum the car so he can go to the beach with his friends. Yahoo! This can be a great boon to busy parents.

I needed to change the shelf paper in my pantry and kitchen. I offered a per-shelf payment. Over the past 3 months, it's gradually been done by the boys. How lovely is that? So much better than merely shelling out five bucks here and there when they whine and beg. When they want money, we just say, "Go look at the list of money chores and do one." They value that money so much more than if the Daddy ATM had just spit out a wad of bills.

It can also curb their spending. If they know that going to the movie will cost them an hour of work, they look at it far differently.

Having an allowance is an important experience for a young person. They need to learn to manage money. We can provide that learning opportunity for them with an allowance. Start now. Take the time to teach your children how to manage their money. Their spouse and kids will thank you one day.

The post Show me the money: Should we give our kids an allowance? appeared first on FamilyToday.

Given all of that, here are 8 great tips on implementing chores and other methods.

Define the chore clearly

Nothing will drive your child crazier than for you to say, "Go clean the bathroom." They have no idea what your expectations are until you descend upon them in a crazy rant saying, "That's not clean. The mirrors are a mess." For many years, we had 3x5 cards for each chore defining clearly what was involved in doing that chore, so there were no questions.

Set a definite time-frame

A vague timeline (get your chores done on Saturday) is setting yourself up for defeat. Pick a definite time, such as "This list of chores must be done by 12 pm on Saturday," and have penalties if not completed, such as a loss of privileges, or my personal favorite, "penalty chores." Mopping was always my favorite penalty chore because I hated doing it.

Have a no-nonsense attitude

Often parents cave in, give second chances, negotiate them away, and otherwise succumb to the mind-numbing whining and complaining. Don't go down that slippery slope. Go into your bedroom and give yourself a pep talk. "I'm raising independent adults here. This is crucial to their development. I can be tough. This is important." Hop around the room a bit, throw those shoulders back, and go back out there and be FIRM.

Chores must be done before "Elvis leaves the building."

This works great for older kids who always have somewhere they want to go. Chores must be done before they can leave. Great motivation. For younger kids, it was chores before TV. Prime motivation.

Use rewards

This has always been a contentious point with parents. We do NOT believe in paying for chores. We all do chores as a member of the family. However, that does not mean there are no rewards. For little ones, stickers are absolutely fabulous. They LOVE stickers. We had big boxes of a huge variety and let them pick out what stickers they wanted to put on their chart and which one they wanted to wear when they were done.

Little ones are fairly easy. You can use stickers, magnetic systems, initials, and smiley faces. We would give rewards for things like attitude and promptness. If they did them willingly, or got them all done on time, sometimes (RANDOMLY) they would get a coupon for ice cream or something similar. Random works best. Remember that. That means, do not give a reward all of the time. Every once in a while, you can reward some aspect like quality or happy attitude. That will help improve the overall work.

As kids get older, offer the rewards less and less. You want them to get to the point, around age 10, where they do chores because we all do chores. That's the expectation. By this age, there should be no reward systems. You merely use the loss of privileges or leaving to play, as mentioned above. You want to remove the mentality that they have to get some tangible reward for everything they do.

Occasionally freak them out by posting your own list of chores. I love the, "You-are-SO-lazy!" routine my kids try to pull. Sometimes they try to act as if I am personally punishing them. Whatever. Periodically, I make a humungous to-do list of all the things I do and post it. Then, ask if they want to trade. That usually nips that in the bud.

Use both arms

If you're married, get your spouse to back you up completely on chores. Often, they'll respond to Daddy more than Mommy. If you're Dad, step up to the plate and supervise. Or, you can trade off being in charge. However, if one is a softy - good luck. It won't work well. Remember to keep discussing the End Goal. ("Dear, do you want these children to live with us forever in this house for their entire mortal existence?")

Be persistent

Day after day, week after week, month after month. Just keep plugging away at it. Some weeks will go great while others will be horrendous. Keep working at it. It will get better and easier. However, it will never be perfect.

I always crack up when one of my kids says, "You didn't tell me I had to do chores before I could leave," with all the indignant attitude they can muster. And, I chuckle. "How long have you lived in this house? You've been doing chores for over 14 years. Now it's a big surprise to you? That's so tragically sad!" I'm not buying it. But, they keep trying. They are persistent. I'll give them that.

There comes an incredible day in all of this when you get payback. A weekend will hit, and they will all do their chores without a hitch. You will sit back, stunned, and ask, "Were all the planets aligned, or something?" Or, you realize you've been swamped for a week and the whole house kept humming along without you.

Better yet, your child goes off to college or work and writes one of those much longed-for and anticipated letters, "Dear Mom and Dad. I just want to say 'thank you' for all the things you taught me. Thank you for everything you did for me that I didn't appreciate. You did a great job training me." Man, you frame those.

Then, you'll realize - it worked! And, it was worth it.

The post Nothing will work unless you do: 8 tips to put chore plans to work appeared first on FamilyToday.

May I share with you a little story? It is the story of "The 3 Ralphs" written by Marlo Thomas. (Yes, THE Marlo Thomas.) I'll paraphrase the story. Some dedicated, wonderful parents had a son and named him Ralph. Then they had another child - a daughter - and decided they had to be absolutely fair, so they named her Ralph. Then, they had a baby and named her Ralph, too - just to be fair. They wanted to be fair to all of their children so when it was time for the kids to do their homework, they made all of them do it - dumping books in the baby's crib. All the kids had to wear diapers because that was fair. All the kids had to take long naps, just to be fair. All had to wear braces to be completely fair to all.

Time goes on. Of course, the kids are complaining. The parents say, "Where did we go wrong? We treated you exactly the same! Isn't that fair?" The children said they did NOT want to be treated fairly. Maybe, once in a while, the parents could treat them differently. So, they said they would try. They asked the kids what names they wanted. The children all chose to stick with Ralph. Yet, from then on, the parents treated them differently.

I love that story because it shows how absurd it is to try to treat our children absolutely "fairly" (or the SAME) all of the time. Frankly, I think the best answer to, "It's not FAIR!" is to say, "Yup, you're right. It's not fair." And, get on with it. Of course, they will howl with protest. Oh, well.

Most parents do a very good job of treating their children equitably. Occasionally, we will treat one child differently than the others, but that is usually done with reason either financial, personality issues, time issues, or whatever.

We need not get hooked into this argument. Just refuse to go there. Say, "Well, life is not fair. That's that." Don't argue, don't explain. Because to a child, "fair" is really them getting their way. Don't succumb to this complaint. It will never make any difference, and the self-inflicted guilt will chew you up.

Don't try to explain

Tool #2 in the "Kids Arsenal of Guilt-trips" is "But WHY?" Now this seems like a reasonable question, doesn't it? After all, we should have a logical reason for every decision we make. I'm sure you have all the time in the world to sit down and articulate this point, at your child's level of understanding, every time they ask it.

It's time to get ready for school. Sheri is dawdling and will soon be late. "Sheri, hurry up and make your bed." "But WHY? I'll just be sleeping in it again tonight." "Sheri, put on a clean outfit." "But WHY?" "Sheri, we need to leave a couple of minutes early today so hurry." "But WHY?"

I know you would be delighted to stop for every one of those requests and give a detailed explanation so that Sheri will feel much better about your requests. Yeah, sure.

John Rosemond, a parenting educator, describes it as "The Save-Your-Breath Principle." He states, "Until a child is old enough to understand the "Why?" of a parental decision, no amount of words will do. When the child is old enough, he'll be able to figure it out on his own. In either case, save your breath." He continues, "Today's parent seems compelled to provide explanations when children demand to know "why?" or "why not?" Despite the obvious fact that explanations serve no purpose other than a child's need to argue, parents continue to provide them."

Children think that if they can argue enough, they can wear their parents down and win. They're very smart creatures. They will persist with questions and demand explanations until they can either get the parents to give in or give up. Often, parents do. It's like gambling. If they think they have a chance of winning, they'll keep trying.

By and large, you will make better decisions than your children because you are an experienced adult. Take comfort in that. Don't feel like you have to explain everything. Say, "Because I said so." Or "Because I'm in charge." Whatever strikes your fancy. Do not get sucked into this guilt-trip. Take a vacation, instead.

The post Why life is not fair and other childhood myths appeared first on FamilyToday.

The post Got goals? Achieving family and personal goals appeared first on FamilyToday.

Answer:

My parents were very private about money. In fact, in discussing this with others I believe that was the norm for their generation. You just didn't talk to your kids about money matters at home. Now I can understand that. You don't want little Sally going to school the next day saying, "Guess what! My daddy just got a big cut in pay, and now he's only making $40,000 a year." Lovely. We all have nightmares about that one.

However, keeping our children in the dark about money issues is not the answer. Why is it important to teach children about money? Because they will spend the rest of their lives worrying about it. Knowledge, preparation and experience can eliminate many of the problems they could encounter down the road. It could save their marriage.Think about that. Money is the #1 cause of divorce, yet we spend very little time preparing our children to handle it.

Realize YOU Are the One Who Needs to Teach Them

This is a primary area where adult children struggle to be independent. Many have not been taught the basics and have little or no experience in how to handle money or jobs. Most of us would acknowledge that we didn't know nearly enough when we moved out. Unfortunately, we don't do much to equip our children any better.

We can go overboard in protecting our privacy by not discussing crucial principles that our children need to know and understand. Another big issue is that many of us also feel uncomfortable with our own understanding of financial issues, and try to avoid it as much as possible. However, the ostrich approach rarely works well, and it is absolutely devastating in raising independent children.

Before we begin teaching our children about financial things, however, it is important that we get a grip on where we are as parents on this issue.

Philosophy of Money in Family

It's a good idea to have a discussion with your spouse about your marriage's philosophy of finances. You may wonder if you even have one. Did you get married, then run from paycheck to paycheck and credit card to credit card? Are you savers or spenders? How do we FEEL about money? Does it scare you to death and you try to avoid the topic altogether hoping the Retirement Fairy comes and makes it all work out? How do you HANDLE money? These are all excellent things to discuss and understand.

You may wonder why this is important to do before teaching your children. Nothing will be quite as confusing as to be taught by a teacher who doesn't really understand the subject. Worse yet, to be taught by two teachers who disagree or are both clueless. Very unhelpful. If one spouse is going along pushing savings, savings, savings, and the other is sabotaging with messages of spend, spend, spend, you can see how the child will be extremely confused.

Plan for teaching kids about money - not ad hoc method

You can either put together a plan to teach your children about money, or you can plan on hoping they learn it somewhere else. Then, plan on bailing them out when they run into trouble. I am amazed at parents who never sit down for longer than 2 seconds to discuss this and wonder why their children rack up credit cards and bounce checks. It's OK. Today is a great day to start.

Teaching them the basics

To begin, think back to how YOU were taught about money. When did your parents begin? What went well? What didn't go well? What would you change?

I remember being in complete shock about the utility bill when I got my first. I don't know what I was thinking - perhaps I wasn't thinking. When it arrived, I was horrified. I remember my brother being instructed carefully on savings. On the other hand, I don't recall having a single conversation on how to save, and why? Or, for what things should I be saving? Brother ended up with a tidy nest egg. I ended up with spending habits that took 20 years to correct.

I remember Mom carefully teaching me how to shop and be frugal - she is an absolute master shopper. She can dicker at Sears (and has!). She taught me a wonderful skill. I'm sure you could think of many instances in your own life with your parents.

Here again, it is good to sit and jot down those things you want your children to learn and understand and perhaps some ways of going about it.

As parents, it's critical that we plan on teaching and training our children about how to handle money and finances. There are many resources available on the Internet. All it takes is parents who sit down, discuss, and plan. Then, you can begin.

Of all the things we teach our children, they will be most interested in this one. So, start today. A great place to start is, "Daughter, we would like to talk about money. What would you like to know?" She'll laugh and answer, "How much can I get and when?" Then, the discussion can begin.

The post Q and A: What should we do to teach our kids about money? appeared first on FamilyToday.

Stop

We can stop what we're doing when something isn't working well. Just take a pause in your life and ask, "Is this a problem?"

Then,LOOK. Look around you. Look within your family. Diagnose the problem and start looking around you - to other families, books, wise grandparents - for solutions.

Finally,LISTEN. Sometimes problem-solving in a family can be as easy as just listening. Listen to your children as they voice their concerns. Listen to your spouse as he offers ideas. Listen to other parents and smart people around you.

Applying problem-solving to parenting can be a great blessing. It's like taking the time to stop and shake out the sand from your shoe. Walking becomes a lot more comfortable.

Here are some solutions to a few problems that often creep up in a family setting.

Setting the table

We came up with a fast and creative method for getting this done. Each child has a number. Each number has an assignment: Number 1 sets the plates, Number 2 sets the cups, Number 3 sets the silverware, and Number 4 sets the milk, dressing and pepper.

When we say, "Set the table," all the kids run in. It's done in a minute. No arguing. Amazing. The number assignments rotate monthly.

If you have more kids than this, you can add items or assign items to clear from the table.

Seating arrangements

Isn't this a familiar fight? "I want to sit by the window!" "Jerry got to sit in the front last time." "I want to sit by Mommy!" Oh yes, this battle could go on for years. Let's nip this one in the bud immediately.

Back to the numbers. Ah, those lovely numbers. Each of the kids gets a number each month as mentioned above. It can be used in seating like this:

At the dining table

Mom and Dad always sit together in the same place. Dad at the head of the table, Mom to his left. (It sends a great message having Daddy at the head of the table.) Number 1 sits next to Dad, Number 2 sits next to him, Number 3 sits around the corner, and Number 4 sits next to Mom. On the first of the month, all the kids rotate. It's also a great way to mix it up at the table and talk to different kids.

In the car

This is often a source of family fights. Windows and front seats - we all know these constitute premium seating. So here's how it works.

The passenger seat next to Mom (who is permanently glued to her driver's seat in the car) is called shotgun. If the child is under 12, she DOES NOT EVER sit in the front. Sitting shotgun is based on months. Each child over the age of 12 is assigned months. (For example, Parker sat there on the even months, and Brennan sat there on the odd months.) This is because Mom is often in the shotgun seat when the family is going on an outing, so the rotation of the shotgun seat is a bit different.

In the next row, seat one is directly behind the driver. Seat two is behind shotgun. If you have a third row of seats, seat three is behind two and four is behind one. So, they rotate in a circle - got it? It doesn't matter how you number them, just assign the numbers and go from there.

Seating assignments are strictly enforced. Many a child has been left at home because they would not sit where they were assigned.

Seating assignments rotate monthly.

Sunday showers

It's always thrilling to get the entire family showered and dressed and ready for church. Voila! Here is a solution: Number 1 child has to (or gets to) shower first, Number 2 next, and so forth. No more arguing who has to start.

The numbering system is eminently fair, provides monthly variety, and is a piece of cake to track. The kids keep track of who is what number, so they pretty much enforce things themselves.

Dishwasher

Emptying the dreaded dishwasher is also one of those bicker-points in a family. We simply have a daily schedule with a family member assigned for each day (or two, depending on the size of the family)

I don't put Daddy on the list. That's because he is usually the Dinner Clean-up Coordinator. The rule in our home is whoever cooks does not have to clean-up. If I cook dinner, Dad supervises clean-up. If he cooks, I supervise clean-up. Every child clears his own dishes and three other items. So snap, snap and it's done. I always dreaded being stuck with dishes. I would watch the entire family leave when I was a kid, so we've done it differently. It's very fast. Plus, we all work together which I like much better.

Whenever you have an area that's causing contention in the home, try looking at it using problem-solving. You can come up with a method that can solve it in a fair, reliable and consistent fashion. Don't be afraid to change or adjust the method until you find one that fits.

It is amazing how many fights you can eliminate if you have a framework in which the kids can function. As you go about solving all those hot-points, the family life begins to flow much more easily. Kids are sticklers for fairness. Once they are satisfied that this is being met, they are usually quite cooperative. If they don't like it, ask them what method they would use. You might be surprised at their suggestions.

The post Travel down a new road: Problem-solving for parents appeared first on FamilyToday.