Nicci Bontrager – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com Here today, better tomorrow. Tue, 15 Sep 2015 06:30:00 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.8.3 https://wp-media.familytoday.com/2020/03/favicon.ico Nicci Bontrager – FamilyToday https://www.familytoday.com 32 32 Say ‘I do’ to these 5 classic poses you’ll want in your wedding photos https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/say-i-do-to-these-5-classic-poses-youll-want-in-your-wedding-photos/ Tue, 15 Sep 2015 06:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/say-i-do-to-these-5-classic-poses-youll-want-in-your-wedding-photos/ Wedding celebrations are exciting, and capturing all those memories is your photographer's job. Since you will be busy staring into…

The post Say ‘I do’ to these 5 classic poses you’ll want in your wedding photos appeared first on FamilyToday.

]]>

Your wedding day is commonly referred to as the best day in your life. A whirl of people, photos, flowers, food, and music will swirl past as you celebrate marriage. What an exciting and memorable experience! Your wedding photo album will live as a reminder of those happy moments. Since you will be busy staring into your new spouse's eyes, plan ahead with your photographer to capture these 5 essential wedding poses.

The Ring Shot

A wedding ring symbolizes the eternal unity of the couple, as there is no beginning and no end to its perfect circle. Wearing a wedding ring shows the world that you are married, so show off those beautiful symbols of your wedded bliss. There are countless ways to photograph just your wedding rings such as showing the rings near a scripture verse, inside the flower bouquet, or on the ring pillow, but make sure you let your photographer capture the rings on your fingers. View a beautiful example on Pinterest.

The Blissful Hug

Amidst the hustle and bustle of welcoming guests, dancing, cutting the cake, and smiling for hours, take some time to relax with your new spouse. Celebrate that you two are finally married and simply hold each other. (Make sure your photographer tags along during these quiet moments.) As you enjoy your wedding festivities, you'll find you are continually drawn to be in your spouse's loving arms. Enjoy those calm moments of simple closeness. Bridal Guide offers a lovely example of this photo.

Happy Faces

Wedding photographers capture all kinds of candid photos throughout your wedding celebration. Candid photos show the movement and joy around the entire day, and these photos are not staged. In most of your photos, you'll find that neither of you look at the camera often. You'll be looking at each other or the guests more than the photographer. Occasionally the two of you will both need to look at the photographer at the same time. The "happy faces" photo shows the world your joy at becoming man and wife, so remember to smile for the camera. See an example on Pinterest.

Swept Away

Every wedding album needs a photo of the groom sweeping his bride off her feet. Some grooms sweep their bride down into a loving dip. Some grooms carry their brides off in their arms. The "swept away" photo can be a humorous event, a romantic gesture or a choreographed dance move. Whatever the groom decides to do in your wedding, make sure your photographer is primed to capture those precious smiles and kisses, like in this lovely example photo from Love This Pic.

Seasonal Memories

If your wedding celebration takes place during seasonal weather, ask your photographer to include some seasonal pictures. For example, an autumn wedding could include some pictures with falling leaves or harvest pumpkins. See an example on Pinterest. A winter wedding could show the couple dancing in lightly falling snow or the groom placing a warm shawl over his wife. The day of your wedding includes the weather of the actual day, and photographs will help you remember the details.

Whichever poses you decide to incorporate into your wedding, make sure you hire a professional photographer with whom you feel comfortable. Wedding Paper Divas offers some expert advice for choosing the perfect photographer for your wedding.

The post Say ‘I do’ to these 5 classic poses you’ll want in your wedding photos appeared first on FamilyToday.

]]>
The one question your husband is dying to hear https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/the-one-question-your-husband-is-dying-to-hear/ Mon, 20 Jul 2015 09:29:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/the-one-question-your-husband-is-dying-to-hear/ If creating a fulfilling marriage is your goal, then go ahead and ask the one question your husband is dying…

The post The one question your husband is dying to hear appeared first on FamilyToday.

]]>

Turning to the World Wide Web for marriage advice will likely yield numerous lists and tips like "7 ways" this and "100 things" that. Although those lists can be helpful, building a strong marriage is not as simple as checking boxes off a to-do list. Fulfilling marriages start with compassionate desires in each person's heart that are then acted upon.

To have this kind of marriage, there's one question you need to ask your husband: "What do I do and say that shows you that I love you?"

Before you ask such an important question, set the stage for some bonding time. Put the kids to bed, pull out his favorite dessert, turn off electronics, and cuddle on the couch. Don't interrupt and show him that you are listening by giving him your full attention. If your husband struggles to answer your question, be patient. Allow him to frame his thoughts. Remember,his conversation is not a harsh inquisition; it is an opportunity for you to make sure you are doing and saying the things that help him feel loved.

When your husband eventually answers, continue the conversation. Allow him to explain more fully about why those words and actions feel loving. Reassure him that you will continue to show your love for him in those important ways.

Knowing what your husband needs to feel loved is a powerful tool. But a tool that sits on the workbench gathering dust is ineffective. Tools are meant to be used; use your knowledge to strengthen your marriage. Form habits that consistently show him that he is important, valued, and loved.

Thinking kind, considerate, and compassionate thoughts about your spouse will improve your relationship even more. Thoughts can influence your actions. When you choose to let those positive thoughts mature into healthy patterns of behavior, then a real sense of fulfillment will be found in your marriage.

As said by the American writer Barbara de Angelis, "The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make-not just on your wedding day, but over and over again-and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife".

It's also important to know that compassionately serving your spouse will often be reciprocated. As you follow through with your husband's answers to your question, he will start to serve you. He will show you through his words and actions that you too are important, valued, and loved. What a satisfying pattern for your marriage!

Instead of stressing about the "100 ways" to improve your marriage, as found on Pinterest, ask your husband one simple question. Ask him one question that shows him that he is worthy of your time and attention. Listen to his answers and follow through with your promises.

Have these conversations regularly. Marriages need these selfless and compassionate conversations more than you think. As spouses work in tandem to meet each other's needs, serve each other, and praise each other, fantastic bonds of love are forged. Although it takes work, a fulfilling marriage is worth the effort.

The post The one question your husband is dying to hear appeared first on FamilyToday.

]]>
How to apologize to your children https://www.familytoday.com/family/how-to-apologize-to-your-children/ Fri, 03 Jul 2015 06:30:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/how-to-apologize-to-your-children/ We skew the most vital relationship our children have (their relationship with Mom and Dad) into a power vacuum by…

The post How to apologize to your children appeared first on FamilyToday.

]]>

Our children know that we are not perfect. If allowed to point out our flaws, our kids could list more than a handful very quickly. Yet one overbearing trend is to silence their ability to talk to us about our mistakes. We skew the most vital relationship our children have (their relationship with Mom and Dad) into a power vacuum by teaching that the parent is "always right," even when the parent is wrong. And wo be unto the child that points out a parents' mistake! The answer is given, "I am the parent, and you cannot talk to me that way!" No wonder our children have a difficult time taking responsibility and apologizing for their actions. Too many adults set a poor example of accountability.

When children make mistakes, it is the job of the parent to correct their actions through discipline. The word discipline doesn't mean harsh punishment. Rather, the word simply means "to teach" or "to train." As parents, we teach our children to act in acceptable ways by helping them understand their offence, make amends for the damage, and then plan to avoid the mistake in the future.

Shouldn't the same pattern apply to us when we make a parenting mistake?

Perhaps we yelled. Perhaps we overreacted and spanked their little bums. Perhaps we hastily took their toys away before listening to their story of the story. Perhaps we ignored them as they talked to us, and they caught on to our mindless "uh-huhs." As some point in time, every parent makes a mistake.

When the inevitable goof happens, parents should apologize.

It won't hurt your authority over your family one bit to gather your crying child in your arms and offer a heartfelt apology. You can still dictate what time the children go to bed and that they eat their vegetables at dinner. Their respect and reverence for you as the all-powerful Mom or Dad will not wilt away because you admit you made a mistake. Conversely, it will probably strengthen your relationship. By offering a heartfelt apology, you are modeling the virtue of humility, and you are validating their pain and confusion. So, here's how to apologize to your children:

1. Take them aside and genuinely tell them you are sorry.

2. Explain that your action was wrong and that you will try not to react that way again.

3. Reassure them that you love them, and that you want to be a good parent.

4. Ask for forgiveness.

Now, here is what you must not do when apologizing to your children:

1. Do not make your mistake their fault

For example, their annoying or frustrating behavior did not make you yell. You chose to yell. Do not say, "You were just acting so horridly that I had to yell at you." Instead, explain that their actions made you feel very frustrated and out of anger you yelled. Take responsibility for your actions and apologize.

2. Do not force them to forgive you

Let them forgive you on their own terms, and do not punish them if forgiveness is delayed. Do not say, "Well, I apologized, so if you want a ride to your friend's house, you better say I'm forgiven." Model the process of a genuine apology and genuine forgiveness in your home.

3. Do not apologize that your children "feel" a certain way

The common statement, "Well, I'm sorry you feel angry," is not an apology. It is actually kind of a mockery. Your children should be allowed to feel angry. Emotions are not bad; it is the behavior that follows an emotion that has positive or negative consequences. Teach your children how to appropriately handle their emotions by properly explaining your emotions and by apologizing when you make a mistake.

4. Do not offer an apology in order to cover-up or erase what happened,

and don't ask your children to keep secrets from the other parent. That is an unfair burden to place on a child. You are responsible for your actions, not them. Along the same note, try not to spoil your children in order to appease your guilt. An abundance of presents and ice cream in exchange for forgiveness does not teach a healthy reconciliation process.

Apologizing to a child takes a great deal of humility. If you can humble yourself enough to get down on your knees and reconcile with your children, you are giving them a beautiful gift. You are showing them that they are valuable, and they are worthy of an apology. Self-esteem will blossom as a result. You are also setting an example that teaches them to apologize to others. Think of the benefits their future careers, marriages, and families. Habits of honesty and forgiveness will lead to more peace at home. The choice to start that habit begins with you. This article was originally published on Joyful Family Life. It has been republished here with permission.

The post How to apologize to your children appeared first on FamilyToday.

]]>
3 ways addiction hijacks your brain and takes over your life https://www.familytoday.com/self-care/3-ways-addiction-hijacks-your-brain-and-takes-over-your-life/ Wed, 17 Jun 2015 06:31:00 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/3-ways-addiction-hijacks-your-brain-and-takes-over-your-life/ Our brains can do some incredible things. Unfortunately, sometimes our repetitive choices train our brain in unhealthy ways.

The post 3 ways addiction hijacks your brain and takes over your life appeared first on FamilyToday.

]]>

The human brain is an amazing super computer. It has seemingly unlimited storage potential and manages all our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. So much happens behind the scenes that we sometimes forget how much conscious control we have over our thought process. For better or for worse, the choices we make influence our daily habits. Unfortunately, some repeated choices train our brain in unhealthy ways.

Addictions are unhealthy patterns of behavior that enslave our brains to psychologically and/or physically crave a habit. Unhealthy addictions can include pornography, prescription drug abuse, illicit drug abuse, gambling, shopping, sex, over or under eating, etc. These addictions hijack our brains, disrupting normal operations. Recent studies from Harvard Medical School show that the brain can suffer physical damage over the course of an addiction. Additionally, some drugs create permanently damage to the brain's tissues and neurotransmitters.

Addictions confuse the brain's pleasure centers

How Stuff Works explains that when we do something that makes us feel happy, our brains release dopamine, a chemical that makes us feel good. Because we like the way we feel, we repeat the behavior. Unfortunately, addictive behaviors hijack the brain by mimicking this dopamine release. Drug use (and other behaviors) creates a massive rush of dopamine that floods the brain, producing the sensation known as a "high." The rush of dopamine overwhelms the reward center of the brain and disrupts normal functioning.

Over time, the brain compensates by either producing less natural dopamine or by reducing the number of dopamine receptors in the brain. The result of having less dopamine in the brain blocks that person from fully enjoying other experiences. Other activities that typically produce happiness don't feel as good anymore, and the drug or addiction becomes necessary to simply feel "normal" as reported by the National Institute on Drug Abuse.

The National Institute on Drug Abuse this tolerance; Because dopamine levels are altered in the brain, more and more amounts of the addictive substance are needed to sustain that "high" feeling.

Addictions rewire your logic

Oftentimes, an addict recognizes that the addiction is unhealthy. Someone struggling with an eating addiction may hear the doctor describe ominous risks and consequences. A college student may face expulsion charges due to alcohol consumption on campus. Despite those harmful consequences, Harvard Health Publications reports the brain is wired to seek out what feels good, and an addiction hijacks natural instincts in favor of the addiction.

Instead of seeing addictive behavior as the cause of the problem, addicts may describe their addiction as the only thing that helps them cope with life. Alcoholrehab.com explains that casting blame is very common, and how skilled addicts are at blaming their problems on anything but the addiction.

Drugs create compulsive dependence

How Stuff Works teaches that "under the disease model of addiction, the brain's motivational center becomes reorganized. The priorities are shuffled so that finding and using the substance (or another substance that will produce similar effects) becomes top priority as far as the brain is concerned."

This is the third way an addiction hijacks the brain. An addict's life compulsively revolves around obtaining their "high." The compulsive behavior is irresistible and overwhelming. As if in survival mode, the brain thinks that the addiction is necessary for survival.

When scientists take pictures of an addict's brain, they see changes in areas of the brain that are critical to judgment, decision making, learning and memory, and behavior control. Weakness in these areas can drive an addict to compulsively engage in their addiction despite its devastating consequences, according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse.

Many drug addictions also form a physical dependence, which means the body also craves the drug. When the effects of the drug wear off, a person's body feels discomfort or pain, compelling the user to require more of the drug to feel better.

Recovery is possible

Luckily, for people who desire to stop their addictive behaviors, there is hope! Counseling and treatment centers exist to help with a wide array of addictive behaviors. Whether the addiction is related to heroine, shopping, alcohol, or sex, it is possible to overcome an addiction. Even though the brain keeps permanent memory files of the addictive behavior and its pleasurable effects, a person can learn to avoid relapses and gain control over his or her thoughts and behaviors. Recovery is possible.

If you worry about your own addictive behaviors, or if you have a loved one who might be struggling with an addiction, contact a professional counselor in your area. The sooner recovery begins, the less damage the brain endures. Our supercomputers are willing to be rewired.

The post 3 ways addiction hijacks your brain and takes over your life appeared first on FamilyToday.

]]>
4 ways to help your husband express how he really feels https://www.familytoday.com/relationships/4-ways-to-help-your-husband-express-how-he-really-feels/ Mon, 04 May 2015 06:41:01 +0000 http://www.famifi.com/oc/4-ways-to-help-your-husband-express-how-he-really-feels/ Men are often ridiculed for being too in touch with their emotional side; therefore, many husbands struggle to tell how…

The post 4 ways to help your husband express how he really feels appeared first on FamilyToday.

]]>

In today's society, it can be a risky move for a man to show emotion. Men are often made fun of for being too in touch with their emotional side, and as a result, struggle to express how they truly feel.

Wives, you influence your husband's emotions, and your actions can either help or hurt your husband's willingness to share deep, vulnerable or pent-up emotions.

Here are four things you can do to help your husband feel comfortable sharing his true feelings:

1. Watch your tone

One powerful way to help your husband understand that he is free to express his feelings is to speak kind words in a gentle voice. Your tone of voice sets the mood. Avoid words that are harsh and argumentative. A loud, angry tone of voice could raise your spouse's defensive walls.

A shrill, critical tone of voice may make him shut down and refuse to share his true thoughts. A whiny, manipulative tone of voice could cause your husband to roll his eyes and give up on the conversation. As you speak kind words, in a gentle voice, your husband will feel safe in your presence. He will feel comfortable sharing his opinions and emotions because he can trust you to be with him, not against him.

2. Paraphrase his words

One popular couples counseling technique is called "mirroring." It helps couples break out of argumentative ruts and focus on what the other person is saying.

The pattern goes like this: listen, paraphrase back the words, check for correct understanding and then share your own comment. As each person follows the pattern of listening, repeating and checking for correctness before commenting, it helps keep the conversation positive.

This skill helps each spouse focus on what the other person is saying, rather than thinking about what to say as soon as the other person takes a breath. Conversations rarely turn into heated fights. Couples that use "mirroring" are able to calmly communicate, whether the conversation is simply to enjoy bonding together or problem-solve a disagreement.

3. Share your feelings too

Emotions can strengthen relationships. The friends that know you best are probably those who have seen you in a variety of emotions: anger, sadness, frustration, fear, insecurity, and joy. As you share emotions with your husband, your bond will deepen. (This is especially important when you are discussing differing opinions.)

When disagreements develop, take some time to really ponder on your own emotions. Has your opinion formed out of fear, worry or jealousy? Does your desired action lead you to feel joy, security or comfort? Own your feelings. Be careful not to cast blame on another person.

When you have discovered how you truly feel, share those insights with your husband. Explain to him how your opinion was formed and which emotions are driving your thought process. He will feel more comfortable trusting you with his true emotions if you can open up and share what is inside your heart.

Also, allow him time to formulate what he is feeling. It's possible that your husband doesn't know how to label the emotion he feels, so as you name your feelings, you are teaching emotion words that can help him.

4. Talk about your day-to-day lives

Make time for casual conversation in your marriage. Talk about work, challenges with your kids, friendships, the news or weather. Tell jokes and reminisce about your favorite memories. The more frequently you talk with each other, the easier it is to communicate when you disagree.

Sometimes couples stop talking in order to avoid fights. Avoiding a conversation heightens anxiety at home. Anxiety and fear breed mistrust and defensiveness, neither of which will produce a productive conversation. A pattern of daily conversations about the silly, the mundane, the joys, and the goals of life keeps a couple talking about things that will bond them together.

Frequently talking and listening strengthen a couples' ability to handle minor mishaps because there is already an established pattern of communicating.

The post 4 ways to help your husband express how he really feels appeared first on FamilyToday.

]]>