Once on a plane ride, a stranger shared some things with me about one of her children - the one she had always considered her "favorite."

"The hardest part I don't understand, is she was the one I gave everything to. She never went without; I never told her no. And now ... she is the most miserable person I know. She is never content or happy. All my other kids respect me, but the one I thought I loved the most is unkind to me and everyone around her. I gave her everything — my whole world; and she despises me," she said.

Yesterday - as I battled with one of my own entitled children — I realized that in some ways I have done it too: asked a child's permission to parent.

As parents, we sometimes get stuck between parenting and wanting to be their friend.

But the truth is, our kids don't need us to be their friends. They need us to be their parents.

We think they want stuff. So we buy them things and over-stimulate them with "fun," rarely slowing down for the little moments.

We allow them to do things we don't like, and buy them electronics they aren't emotionally ready for; but not because it is a good idea - it's because we are scared.

We're scared they won't be popular or they won't think we're cool; but mainly, we are scared we are not enough. We become their friends to avoid the hard parts of parenting - the most important parts of our role.

We avoid being the person in their lives who needs to teach them what the real world will one day slap in their face. And we don't want them to blame us for their pain; so instead we cover it up with more stuff.

So really, we suck at parenting — to protect ourselves.

Parenting takes patience — sometimes patience for the child, and sometimes patience to let them suffer consequences of their actions. It is hard to watch them solve a problem we think we already know the answer to; but we cannot bail them out of the very things that will lead them to their strength.

Entitling, though the world would tell us is love, is actually fear. The most balanced kind of parent loves unconditionally, gives boundaries and is consistent.

Growing up, I had a friend that had no limits. I will never forget the night she said, "I just wish I had parents who cared where I was."

At that moment, I saw my mom's love a little differently. She gave me curfews and budgets, and sometimes told me no. She gave me limits and boundaries because she loved me.

Our kids don't want parents who treat them like they rule the world. They want to know they have a place in it — a purpose.

What if God would have panicked as Jesus suffered for us and said, "OK, wait. Take it all away. He isn't strong enough. I cannot watch Him anymore. I need Him to be OK ... so that I can be OK"?

God knew that pain - that sacrifice - was going to change everything. He saw the bigger picture of what Jesus was going to become because of it. He saw further than the moment.

It is in consequences, struggles, learning to accept personal accountability and sacrificing for others that our children will find their purpose.

So maybe being the cool parent has been our goal. But sometimes by "protecting" our children, we are hurting them. Prepare them for this world by teaching them how to live in it. They need us to be engaged, encouraging and present; they need the right kind of love.

Someday we will be sitting on an airplane evaluating our lives. We will inevitably have regrets; but hopefully those don't include "protecting" our children from learning how to stand on their own.

Parenthood. You got this.

The post This one mistake you’re making as a parent is only hurting your children appeared first on FamilyToday.

For each of us, reaching success has a different meaning. To some, it is finally buying a dream car, or landing the perfect job. For others, it is simply making it through a difficult situation.

But generally, our beliefs on what success is stem from a few different sources:

1. Our upbringing

How your parents succeeded, or failed to succeed; how they spoke about others who were "successful" in their eyes; how they received you when you did something well. All of these factors play a role in what you view success to be, and what you strive for.

2. Our self-image

The way you view yourself can shape when and how you view yourself as successful. Those who find confidence and worth in small steps will likely see themselves as successful throughout different stages of life.

Those who are always striving to find success somewhere in the future, will most likely never feel successful, even when they have reached their goals. Things like cars, houses, jobs and relationships will never feel satisfying, and the next best thing will eventually come around to replace what originally was viewed as success.

3. Our relationships

What energy do you put into your relationships? How selfish are you? The importance of relationships in your life can affect your view of what success is.

4. Our personality

Success is likely viewed differently by a person who is more laid back than someone with a more tightly wound personailty. Personality traits can play into the way we see and define success.

5. Our environment

What do those around you view success to be? How do you feel around people you view as successful? Do you have support from those around you, or do they bring you down? Do you compliment others who have found success? All of this can affect the energy that is around you while setting goals and viewing future success.

6. Our thoughts

Do you think negatively about yourself and others? Do you give in to irrational fears? Do you have confidence in your decisions? Do you like yourself? Do you believe in yourself? Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself? Do you trust God? Your thoughts and beliefs can help to shape your view of success.

So, what is success?

If it isn't a destination that can be defined the same for everyone, then why do we keep spending our time feeling like we have failed at getting there?

Because that is a lie that "success" wants you to believe. Its goal is to keep you so busy striving for it, that you miss the things that actually make you successful right now.

We all succeed in our own way. While one woman is out conquering the world in her career, another is raising children at home. While one man is making millions, another is pinching pennies to feed his children. All have found success - just in different ways. But to say one is more successful because of the numbers they have gained, is forgetting that those numbers don't last forever.

And we all have an example who showed us what true success looks like. He came to earth with a unique mission and purpose. His story is one of days spent serving others. He served because he loved. He died because he cared. He could see what we can't - but lived as we can. He is our savior.

So success — what is it? It is finding the reason God sent you here to earth. Success is leaving a legacy for your family, by the way you show them how to love.

True success at the end of this thing we call life won't be measured in numbers and dollar signs. It won't be a dream house or a dream car. It will be achieved by the good you did. Make memories, laugh and find joy — in the stuff that matters.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on The Moments We Stand. It has been republished here with permission.

The post How to become the successful person you’ve always wanted to be appeared first on FamilyToday.

And there she was-at happily ever after. Her prince had come, her kingdom had been saved and everything was just as it should be. We have seen it in movies over and over again. Life was feeling like it was falling apart, but then it was saved. The ending comes and all is right in the kingdom.

We have seen it in our own life. It feels like everything is falling apart. Sometimes we wait a long time for those grand resolves, and a lot of times they _do come-usually with an unspoken expectation that we have finally reached our happily ever after_. Only in life, as opposed to the movies, they don't seem to last. One problem resolved is-more often than not-followed by a new problem.

For a lot of us, we see the grand resolves like a rainbow, shining bright with a promise that this struggle will be the last. The high of overcoming the obstacle is followed with a breath of relief that hard times are finally behind us.

And then, when the next struggle comes it takes us by total surprise. Every time. Inside it's like we are screaming, "But what about Happily Ever After?"

I made a pact when I was just a kid that I would live happily ever after. I promised myself that I would be like the princesses in the movie-where the kingdom was always saved and the knights were always shining.

So these moments where conflicts needed to be resolved, I almost take it personal that technically I shouldn't be putting myself in these sorts of situations. Let's put it a little more frankly: I am a bit of a control freak. I want happily ever after-but I want it right now.

I don't want to feel like I am always working so hard. I don't want to have to go to the doctor to stitch up hands. I don't want my husband to disagree with me about anything. I don't want those I love to hurt, or struggle, or make mistakes. I don't want to ever lose anyone to death. I want people to see things my way, so we can all make it together to my envisioned happily ever after.It truly is a magnificent place, in my mind.

But there is one problem. It doesn't exist how I keep trying to make it- where everyone makes the right choices, and nobody hurts any more-it isn't a real place. At least not anywhere I have been on this planet.

So what are we supposed to learn? Why are we living in a world that is so imperfect? Why must we continue to lose sight of the plans we have created for ourselves? Why does life have to be so dang hard?

I asked these questions to God this morning and He let me in on a little secret: this was always the plan.

Every day we will get to prove where we stand. We will get to show not only our own personal growth, but the strength we have found as we have turned to God. He has given us grace-not just to use when we die-but to help us live. Without opposition, we can easily forget about God. Without the conflicts needing to be resolved, our pride tells us the kingdom was saved by our own strength.

So guess it's time to strap up our boots and quit getting stuck in the mud. Drop our expectations of living a Hollywood version of our life ... and prepare to be rerouted.

There will be conflicts to resolve, and kingdoms to save. This we all know to be true. But life can still be beautiful ... through the dark times, and the light; through the high times and the lows. Grace is real, every minute of every day.

Satan had a plan similar to mine-where everyone would just do what they should to make it super easy to find happily ever after. But instead God made a better plan- one where we get to prove that we want it bad enough.

Prepare for some surprises along the way, but also a happily ever after better than anything we could ever imagine.

The post How do you find your own happily ever after? appeared first on FamilyToday.

Love.

We all want it. We want to give it. We want to receive it. We want it to surround us. Sometimes we wait around for love to come and complete us, other times it takes us by surprise. But love-or the lack of it-drives us.

I think to some extent, or at some time in our life, we all battle the false belief that we are not enough; aren't loveable; are worthless; are unworthy; or in some way do not add up to an ideal we-or we think others-perceive we should be.

So how on earth are we all going to love each other when many days our own self-love is in question? How can we give ourselves to another person fully, if we are still trying to figure out who that self is?

I have been down this road many times in my life-battling beliefs that tried to drown out all truths. I remember as a young high school girl thinking that I would truly find who I was when I found the right guy to tell me so. And yet-every time anyone would get close enough I would push him away.

And so it went. I had little trust in men-and little faith in myself. But I still looked for love, and felt I needed it to be whole.

Then one day, there he was. He swept me off my feet and for the first time I let down my guard. He became my sense of worth. Every whisper in my ear was my motivation to be better. Every word he spoke encouraged me to remember how amazing I was.

Our wedding day was sweet. I felt beautiful and worthy. Children born brought even more fulfillment, as he encouraged me as their mother. Every sense of who I wanted to be came from his approval.

For years this newfound feeling of worth was empowering. He believed in me. He saw me. I found great joy in being a wife and a mother. It completed and fulfilled me. Life was busy, and the days were long-but I was living my dreams.

Looking back now, I should have known better than to build my worth on living a dream. I wish I had figured out on my own that I had value and purpose. I wish I would have known that finding it in another person could be life shattering.

A few months after our fifth child was born, that lie found me again. Only this time it was weaved with actual proof that I had not been enough. In a matter of seconds I learned of two bullets that would change me. Two bullets that not only ripped into my husband's chest and forehead-they would sound in my mind for years to come. Those bullets told tales of the lies that were defiling everything I thought I had-they told the secrets I had not known. Those bullets were proof that what I had believed all those years ago was true-I was not enough. Not for my husband, or the other woman and her husband-not for the gun. Nobody.

Tears don't cry out the feeling that you are not enough. They just build it stronger.

I have remarried an amazing man who has helped me heal in so many ways. We have had many ups and downs. We have fought to see each other, but this time has been much harder-knowing how easy it is to lose-giving my whole heart. During the first years of our marriage I longed to feel whole and to give him what I felt he deserved as a husband. I wanted to be the carefree girl who put everything into him and based her happiness on his love-but I couldn't. I didn't know how to love, because I still hated myself and longed for all the sense of worth I thought I had lost when that gun fired.

Well next month it will have been five years. And I have learned a thing or two about those lies. They aren't what is real. I have learned many truths that I work every day to replace them.

We have to love ourselves

Not in an egotistical kind of way, but in an eternal worth kind of way. Finding love for our self is hard. We are our own worst enemies when we believe our own lies. Fear is our constant companion when we are waiting around for the ones who don't come, or don't love us in the ways we think we deserve.

Happiness is a choice

We cannot base our happiness on anything or anyone that we can one day lose. Others can add to our happiness, but cannot be the foundation of our worth. Happiness can be ours even when others are not making good choices or do not see us how we want to be seen; we can even be happy when others are miserable. And that is truth I can finally clearly see. Someday I will perfectly live this truth-but until then I will do my best trying.

Being enough comes from within us as a gift from God

Being enough doesn't come from another person. Changing this lie to a truth can be liberating, but it can only be changed by truths from within. Forgiveness of -not only those who have not been there for you but- yourself. The first step is realizing that it was a lie you had told yourself over and over again ... that it was some else's job to create your happiness.

Connecting ourselves- not to another person to give us that sense of who we are- but to our true self and to God. I wish that came naturally for me. I wish twelve years ago before I said, "I DO!" to a man, I would have first said it to me.

So to all you ladies (and gentlemen) who think that love will solve the voids inside-please don't wait. Love is not something you have to wait around for. It is a gift you will much better be able to give once you know to do it alone. Turn to God for your sense of worth. He will always be there and see you as the perfect creation you are.

It is not men that make us great. It is Him.

The post How to find love when you feel alone appeared first on FamilyToday.

Sometimes we want everything to be black and white. We want concrete answers on how to make our lives better. We want to follow directions and get advice from someone we think is wiser than us. Little do we know, however, everyone is fighting some sort of battle.

Not long ago, I got a call from an old friend. She poured out her heart about recently discovering her husband's struggle with pornography. Almost begging she asked, "Ashlee ... what do I do now? I want to curl up in a ball and never get out. I knew something was wrong; he has been pushing me away for a long time, but for me it was easier just being 'crazy' than acknowledging reality. He doesn't deserve this family. I deserve to be loved, cherished, honored and adored. I deserve better than this."

I silently prayed to know what to say as she pleaded, "Ashlee, I know you are the one who can tell me what I should do."

Finally words came to my mind, and I said, "I wish I could give you a step-by-step map. But only God can give you the answer for YOU. He knows his plan for you and what you are both to learn.

"But I can tell you this. That love you desire-to be cherished, seen, worshiped and adored-we all want that, even those of us who make mistakes. The more time we spend waiting around for that love, the lonelier our world becomes. Connect yourself to God's love instead of waiting for it from anyone else. Then you will see clearly what you should do.

"Your husband might need you to walk away so he can figure out his own healing. Or, God might need to use you. He might see the role you could be in sharing His love with one of His sons. He might need you to give that same love you crave from your husband ... to your husband.

"He is struggling with his addiction regardless of who you are. You are amazing, so don't you dare let this break you. Stand up, and let God guide you. He will never leave you alone. Even if your husband can't figure out this crap and you have to be a single mom someday, you are going to make it. Don't let fear win. You are enough for yourself and for your Heavenly Father."

Many people are hurting. Maybe you are one of them. Relationships are hard-there are so many obstacles that stand in the way. We all make mistakes, and there is no one path to make them right. There is no perfect life or perfect family. There is no perfect journey.

We are all just imperfect people fighting for perfection.

Find the love God has for you. That way, even when you are all by yourself, you will never feel forgotten. He has a perfect plan. Our imperfections and those of others were perfectly designed to help us remember to turn to Him.

I might be considered the opposite of an expert in marriage because I gained my knowledge ... by losing my marriage. However, I know that confidence in relationships comes by finding confidence inside of ourselves and developing a powerful relationship with God.

We do not know what life has in store for us. We cannot plan what the future will bring. Some of us will lose love to death, divorce or total rejection. All we can do is be who God wants us to be and turn to Him for the love we crave and the answers we seek.

If you have spent your days asking why you aren't getting all you deserve, you probably feel pretty alone-the days of asking why are the loneliest kind. Before you look to someone else to believe in you, first ask God what He sees. When you can see yourself from His view, hope will replace the lies; and life will become a pathway unobstructed by struggles, a journey of unconditional, eternal love. Then you can be the light that brings others to Him.

The post How to find God as you battle imperfection and loneliness appeared first on FamilyToday.

One day, a few weeks after my husband died, I took my kids to the park. It was empty - well technically I had driven around in search for an abandoned playground.

We were enjoying ourselves; I was engrossed in their laughter. We ran up and down slides and reached our toes up to the sky on the swings. Everyone was happy.

Soon my baby began to stir from his car seat. I knew he was starving, so I grabbed his bottle and began feeding him. A car pulled up and a father and his two kids hopped out. I was sad that our solitude had been compromised, but excited the little girl looked about the same age as my 2-year-old.

The new kids and mine all began to play together. All I could hear was laughter; all I could see was light. Soon my 2-year-old was walking toward me. She seemed a little frazzled. She plunked down on the bench - almost on top of me - and grabbed onto my arm.

I looked down at her tiny hand. It was so small, but her grip on my arm was very tight. I moved my gaze up to her eyes. "Monkey, hey! Are you having fun? Isn't this a perfect day in the sun?" She looked out over the playground silently, then back up at me. "Mom, I don't have a dad anymore."

The lump in my throat found its usual spot. I looked out at the father who was now pushing his son on the swing. I squeezed her hand a few times, still contemplating exactly what to say. "Baby, I can't imagine how badly that hurts." A tear formed in her eye and began its journey down her cheek. "Mom, I miss him."

My heart was racing, and I wanted to make everything OK. I blurted out, "Kaleeya, I am sure he misses you more than you will ever know. He didn't want to leave YOU. I am sorry that it is so hard; it is not fair. I am here for you. I love you. I am right here watching you."

Her little lips reached up and kissed mine. "You are right here, Mommy, and you are watching me!"

She had nothing more to say about it. I thought she might talk about the little girl who had a dad there watching her; she didn't. She didn't even take another minute to wallow in her pain the way my heart wanted to. After my kiss, she was off playing again.

I didn't take my eyes off of her. I loved seeing her walk on her tiptoes, like she always had since the moment she took her first step. I loved seeing the little dimples in her cheeks every time she spoke. She had a natural beauty that captivated me, but the sincere sweetness inside of her was one in a million.

That night as I was tucking each child in their beds I asked them what their favorite part of the day was. When I got to Kaleeya's room, her answer was as tender as the sweet kiss she had given me at the park: "My favorite part of the day was watching you - watching me!"

She didn't care about the slides; she didn't talk about the ice cream cone that we bought on the way home. All she remembered was that I was watching.

I wish that every day I did everything right; I wish I had never yelled or lost my temper with my children. I hate that I have gotten frustrated when one has wet the bed, or spilled their cereal all over the floor. Maybe God sends us children, not only to bless us, but to test us and give us opportunities to show Him that we will watch, and we will care.

The park is not always going to be empty; the sun is not always going to shine; the children are not always going to laugh - but when those perfect moments come ... let us always remember to watch.

This article was originally published on The Moments We Stand. It has been republished here with permission.

The post The one thing your children need most appeared first on FamilyToday.

Dear Trauma,

You took something from me I can never get back. You made me believe that my life was not my own. You left me paralyzed in fear. I struggled to get back up-wondering if I was enough, wishing I could know why you chose me.

It seems you had a plan; I was your victim. You chose a side, and it wasn't mine. You didn't wait around to help me get back on my feet; you didn't ask if I was ok. You just made your mess, and then left me to figure out the rest.

You knew that moment would try to define me. You knew that fear would swarm the memories of the past-but even worse, you knew that it would try to hold me back in the future, unable to breath.

I was broken; my tears were immeasurable. At times I felt alone, and despair was my constant companion. I searched for something to hold onto for hope, but you had taken all of that from me. You laughed at me, as you walked away. That was the hardest sting, when I watched you not care.

You probably thought I would stay down forever-that birds with a broken wing would never fly again. You probably hoped I would give up. You probably didn't even look back to make sure I was still down.

Turns out, even broken wings can mend. It turns out; I was a lot stronger than you thought. I bet you didn't know I was a fighter when you chose me as your victim. I bet you didn't realize that strength can grow from a tiny sprout of faith in God. I bet you didn't expect to ever hear from me again-that my life would not be yours. I bet you always thought I would forever be your puppet.

Well, today I stand to not only tell you but to show you that you were wrong about me. You thought you chose a victim, but it turns out ... I am a survivor. Your puppet has cut the strings. I will no longer live in the shadow of your fear. I will no longer hate in the chains of your anger. I will be free. I will build from this ground that you threw me upon, and I will become stronger.

So maybe you saw my weaknesses as you tried to make me fall, but guess what? I saw yours too. Your weakness was thinking that you would ever bring me down without a fight. I am a warrior of my own life and of your evil plan. I am a champion who sees through the fog and clings to the light. I found hope when you told me there was none, and I will live every day unbroken. You did not break me when you dropped me on my face-you taught me how to stand.

The post When trauma tries to break you appeared first on FamilyToday.

The other night my husband and I were at a loss on how to help one of our children. After days of disobedience and disrespect, our patience was wearing thin and our words were getting louder.

We discussed-at length-our frustrations and moments of impatience we each had with our child. The conversation didn't seem to be posing any real answers and listening to each other's stories only seemed to be making the emotions grow.

We came to the conclusion that we were going to let him know the punishments he deserved. Before we left our room, we decided to kneel by the side of the bed and say a prayer.

After the prayer was over, hand-in-hand we walked upstairs. Each step we took our anger seemed to fade away. By the time we reached the room, our energy had calmed and neither one of us said any of the things we had planned.

We shared some of our concerns, mapped out our expectations, and then spent the rest of our conversation building up our child.

A conversation that could have been filled with blame and anger, turned into a discussion about how to help unify our family and empower our little one to want to obey.

That night we talked over what we had done differently after our prayer, than we had previously mapped out to do before. We decided that we were blessed to remember the three C's.

So what are the three C's?

The first is _consistency_.

Human beings love to know what to expect. We all do better with a line that tells us where we belong, an expectation set in advance, and boundaries for behavior.

Children are no exception to this. In fact, children without consistency have a much higher rate of disrespect and disobedience. Kids who have consistency usually fair better in emotional stability and obedience.

We could see the many areas where our lack of recent consistency had contributed to our child's current state of instability in behavior. We decided that to help change our children's struggles, we were going to have to first analyze our own.

The second is _calm_.

For us, staying calm isn't always easy. Unsolicited opinions, back talk, and disrespect trigger in us-as parents- a feeling completely opposite of being calm. Something I sure didn't think about when my children were small was the fact that they would someday have their own opinions.

Staying calm in our communication is the best way to get others to be able to hear what we are saying-without any negative emotion attached to our words.

A calm energy invites others to want to be close to us, and work with us in our desires. Staying calm is not always easy, but defiantly a more productive energy to have when sharing expectations for consistency and behavior.

The third C is _caring_.

When others know we care, they feel important. Fears of inadequacies are calmed, beliefs of self-weakness are made small, and self-confidence is strengthened when we feel that we have someone who believes in us.

A lot of times the fear that is triggered-when someone is coming down on us-is the fear of our mistakes being the reason we will not be loved. Our defensive reactions are a mask of a fear of our beliefs. Anger, as an emotion, is usually triggered by fear. It is magnified when that fear feels under attack.

So why do we need to use the three C's? Can we really make a difference for other behaviors by the way we interact, appreciate, and communicate with them?

With consistency, calm, and caring we will better be able to communicate. When we communicate properly our relationships are more meaningful. When our relationships are strong, we are better citizens in our communities, better employees or employers at work, and better leaders in our own life.

So, communicating with the three C's isn't just about showing our children a good example full of love, it is putting our foot forward in a world that has been content with being stagnant. We can make a difference by being the difference.

The post The 3 words to change your kids bad behavior appeared first on FamilyToday.

The month long murder trial ended and life continued on as normal, except for me. The healing, I thought was going to come once the sentence was given, was still nowhere to be seen.

Early one morning, I dropped my four big kids off at school and headed to the grocery store. As I drove, tears fell down my face and the cloud of gloom steadily grew worse.

I said a small prayer as I turned off the ignition: "Heavenly Father. I waited for almost two years for this trial to make me feel whole, but nothing inside of me has ever felt more broken. I don't know who I am-who I am supposed to be now. I need help. I can't do this. Please send me someone-someone to help me feel whole."

I wiped my tears, got the kids out of the car, and headed into the store. In my fog, we wandered the aisles without much order.

Soon, we were in the bulk food section. I brushed past a woman. I got a distinct impression to stop and help her. I brushed the thought aside and headed to the other end of the store.

Minutes later, the nagging feeling again came over me and ushered me to go back and offer the woman some financial assistance. I thought: let's go over what I just said in the car. I can't even figure out how to handle my own life. I am broken. How on earth am I supposed to help someone else?

But soon I found myself walking past her again. In a panic, I veered my cart down the baking aisle.

I silently prayed: "Heavenly Father, I have enough on my own plate. I can't possibly help someone else today." Instantly, my once clouded mind became full of a very clear plan: get into your wallet and give her the money.

In humility, I stopped the cart. I was sure there was no money inside my wallet, as I rarely had cash. I opened my wallet, in a zipper I hardly ever used, I found a one hundred dollar bill. Tears filled my eyes as I stared down at the money in my hand. I squeezed it in my grip and slowly pushed my cart toward the back of the store.

There she was. I grabbed her arm. She turned toward me. I choked out my words, "I know you have no idea who I am. I don't know why I am doing this. I hope I do not offend you in anyway, but I just need to give you this."

I opened my sweaty palm to reveal the money. She looked down and burst into tears. She sobbed, "How did you know? I have been standing here, trying to figure out how to pay for all these groceries. I have $12.00 in my bank account. How did you know I needed someone to help me? You are an angel for me today."

She threw her arms around me and continued to thank me as we embraced. My heart was so full I could feel Heaven surround us. We held each other and sobbed together. Again she asked how I knew.

I said, "Have you ever had one of those moments where God asked you to do something, and you almost thought He was crazy? The last twenty minutes I have been fighting the feeling to help you. But I couldn't walk away. I do know this: his love for you was stronger than my pride. You are loved, and today, I think He needed you to know that."

She hugged me again, and we said goodbye.

I will probably never know her name. I have no idea what her story is. But that day, when I begged Heavenly Father to send someone to help me, He did.

Maybe I thought I needed an angel that day, but being one brought me closer to heaven than I had ever been. Maybe I was an answer to her prayer, I will never know for sure, but she was the answer to mine.

This article was originally published on The Moments We Stand. It has been republished here with permission.

The post The day I learned how to be an answer to my own prayer appeared first on FamilyToday.

One morning my husband and I were fighting with our son about whether or not he was going to wear his winter coat to school. He refused, but we would not back down. But by the time school was about to start, his coat was nowhere to be found.

I was ticked-I just knew he hid it from me in order to get his way. I let him have it. I told him how embarrassing it was to send him to school without a coat and how every other mom would be judging my parenting-and all the teachers would talk about what a bad mother I was.

By the time we got to school he didn't even say goodbye-just slammed the door and ran onto the playground. I was frustrated. Not because of the slammed door, or the fact that he was going to be cold-but because he won. I had to give in- because he had tricked me into losing.

I drove home pissed off. Soon my husband was calling. He hysterically said, "Ash-a bus got in a crash this morning-and one of my employee's son's friend was killed. It breaks my heart-really makes me think twice about the pettiness of arguing with Teage this morning about his stupid coat. What if that would have been Teage? My heart is hurting."

As I hung up the phone I glanced over to the kitchen table-and right under the chair Teage had been sitting in for breakfast was his lost coat.

I burst into tears. What if that would have been Teage on the bus? What if the last conversation I had with my son that morning was a fight about a winter coat and me blaming him for lying to me? What if Teage had slammed his door and not kissed me ... and then he died?

I put the little ones back in the car and drove straight to the school. I had him called up to the office. As he rounded the corner tears fell from my eyes again. I held out his coat and said, "Son. I am so sorry. This morning I blamed you for lying to me-and you didn't. I fought with you about wearing your winter coat so I could look like a good mom-I acted like an idiot-and I let you leave without kissing me goodbye. I am so sorry. I don't care if you wear this coat. I don't expect you to always follow my counsel-I just want you to know I love you-that no matter what happens today-you know that the most important thing ... is you."

He threw his arms around me and for a minute didn't let go. It wasn't about the coat- or who was right-all that mattered to me in that moment was that my son knew he was loved.

We aren't always going to be reminded-when we are too prideful to see-that there will come a final morning with our loved ones. It is moments like these that make us want to slow down just a little bit and see all the blessings in our lives.

Those last words-and final goodbyes-aren't always on the forefront of our minds. Maybe if they were-we would make them count a little bit more.

It isn't the coats our children wear that determine if we are good parents-but more about the love we give when we remember it is them that make us great.

Not all goodbyes will be our last, but I am not sure I want to take that chance. So the next time a moment of frustration leaves me feeling like I have lost a fight-I hope to remember there is more to lose than an insignificant battle.

Lose a few battles-if it means gaining a little bit of love. Someday when that love is gone-you may wish you had let it win.

It isn't always about winning the battle-but remembering what we are fighting for.

This article was originally published here. It has been republished with permission.

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