Let me start with a disclaimer: I know "happy" is in the title, but this post might be a little depressing. Is it important? Yes. Should you read it? Of course. Will it make you laugh and put you in a great mood? No, that's what puppy videos on YouTube are for.

I'll get the depressing stuff out of the way first: I found out recently that one of my friends died suddenly and unexpectedly. She was in her 30s and had two little girls with her husband. She was a fun-loving, happy person who radiated joy. Her death is heart-breaking for so many reasons.

See? I warned you this would be depressing.

While I've been thinking a lot about death this past week, I've also been thinking about life. More specifically, how short it is, and how important it is to make the most of it.

Cliché, I know.

The problem with the whole "life is short, make the most of it" thing is that it's pretty vague. What does "make the most of it" actually mean?

And so you hear things like "Live every day like it's your last," which, let's be honest, is completely unrealistic. Imagine if you actually lived every day like there was no tomorrow. It's really terrible advice.

So what's the solution? Where's the balance between "live like there's no tomorrow," and "live like you might have a long, full life, so you'll probably want a retirement fund and health insurance"?

I've written about happiness before and I'll keep writing about it because every day, I see people around me forgetting that happiness is a choice. It's not something that just happens, it's something you create.

And I think I've figured out how. Yes, I'm implying that I've figured out the secret to life, happiness and, basically, everything.

What? I never claimed to be humble.

So here it is, the secret to life

Find happiness in each day. Take life one day at a time and make each individual day matter in some way.

Are you underwhelmed? Just hear me out.

Living the life you want doesn't have to mean making massive changes. Sometimes the biggest changes in life are simply a series of small ones. They are habits formed or broken, relationships started or ended, small choices made. They are tiny adjustments that eventually point the ship in a different direction.

When we talk about getting the most out of life, what we should be talking about is how to get the most out of every day. How to find what we're looking for in the smallest of actions. How to choose to be happy each day.

So how do you do that? Well, because this is the internet, I've made a list of 4 steps to being happier, every single day.

1. Identify what makes you happy

Step 1 is simple, but not necessarily easy. Before you can find happiness each day, you first need to know what makes you happy.

To do this, grab a sheet of paper or your journal (youare journaling, aren't you?) and brainstorm everything that brings you joy, no matter how big or small. You'll want at least 10 things. Here are some of my examples:

• Being active

• Learning

• Being outside

• Eating a good meal

• Meditating

• Interesting conversation

2. Identify what you do that doesn't make you happy

It might seem counterintuitive to focus on what doesn't make you happy when our goal here is to find happiness in each day, but it's important. Why? Because if you're anything like me, you spend a lot of time each day doing things that don't bring you joy.

Sometimes these things are obligations, but not always - often they're habits that we don't even realize we're doing. The first step to making a change is awareness of what needs to be changed, so this is an exercise in becoming aware of how we don't want to spend our days.

Examples might be:

• Morning commute

• Spending too much time online, on social media, etc.

• Watching too much TV

• Snacking at night

• Eating lunch in the company cafeteria with negative coworkers

3. Every day, commit to doing at least one thing that makes you happy

Now that you've identified what you want more of in your life, commit to it. Happiness is not a default, it's a skill you need to build. And the only way to do that is to commit to it and make it a priority.

Now, I've said commit to one thing, but try to work up to three things that bring you joy every day. I don't want to hear that you're too busy. If you're too busy to be happy, you should really rethink how you're living your life.

And when I say "commit," I mean it. Every morning, identify how you'll bring happiness into the day, and put it in your calendar. Make it non-negotiable. I'm so serious here. You have one, short, precious life to live. You deserve to make it a good one.

One more thing: on your list, you might have things that you can't do every day, like traveling. Think of these as long-term happiness goals, and try to identify something you can do today to make that goal a reality. Could you transfer $100 from your checking account to a travel fund? Could you research a weekend getaway? Proactively working towards something you want can make you almost as happy as getting it.

4. Every day, commit to changing one thing that doesn't make you happy

Let me just preface this by saying that you won't be able to eliminate everything that doesn't make you happy. That's an unrealistic goal, similar to "live like there's no tomorrow."

Not what we're going for here.

What you want to do is to make some space for the things that make you happy by changing or eliminating some of the things that don't. One of the main excuses I hear from people who are unhappy is, "I don't have time." That's what this step is for. We're trying to make more time for fulfillment.

So how do you do that?

Look at your list of things that don't make you happy. Is there one thing on your list you can try to eliminate, reduce, or change, just for today? You don't need to swear it off forever. Take one day at a time. Can you spend less time on Facebook, giving you more time with your kids? Can you use your morning commute to listen to an audiobook or podcast about something that interests you? Can you skip lunch with negative coworkers and take a walk outside instead?

Again, I'm not asking you to commit to this for life. I'm asking you to try it, just for today, and see what happens.

Bonus step: Write it down

Ok, I know I said there were only 4 steps, and to be honest, if you do just those, you'll be on your way to a happier, more fulfilled life. But if you really want to take it to the next level, I can say from personal experience that this fifth step is life-changing.

Keep a happiness journal. Every morning, write down what you plan to do to make the day a good one. It only takes a minute, but putting it on paper is a powerful way to make it more likely to happen

And then, at the end of the day, write down what you did that day that made you happy. Focusing on what went right each day makes you practice gratitude, which is proven to increase levels of happiness.

Remember, positivity does not mean the absence of negativity. No day will be perfect. No life will be free of unhappiness. That's not the goal. The goal is to do what you can with what you have. You have one life and even if you live a full life, it's really not that long. Only you can decide to live the life you want - no one else will do it for you.

Happiness is a choice. And it's up to you to choose it, every single day.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Favor the Bold Communications. It has been republished here with permission.

The post How to be happy: 4 steps to a more fulfilling life appeared first on FamilyToday.

You've heard the old cliche, "It's the journey - not the destination - that matters."

Of course you've heard it: we're hammered over the head with this all the time. We know we need to enjoy the present, live in the moment, carpe diem, etc.

Do we actually practice it? Of course not.

Because it's really hard not to care about the destination.

We are socialized to have goals, to achieve something, to work towards an outcome: work a good job so you can retire comfortably, work out to have a body you love, meditate to manage your stress. Our motivation for doing most things is tied to its result.

And it's making us miserable.

Listen, I love goals. Setting and achieving goals make my world go 'round. The work I do with creative entrepreneurs is based on setting clear, ambitious objectives and creating strategies to achieve them.

But when our happiness relies on the outcome of our goals? That's when we get into trouble.

Let me tell you a story.

The problem with goals

A couple years ago, I signed up for a 10k race. I'm a runner and 10k wasn't a challenging distance, so I wanted to challenge myself on speed.

Normally when I run, I enjoy the scenery, or get lost in my thoughts, or focus on how my body feels.

Not this time.

The race began and I started running with one goal in mind: finish that race as quickly as I could. For 10 kilometers my only focus was the time on my watch and the finish line.

It was the worst race of my life. The entire time, I just wanted it to be over. I was literally wishing it away.

To make it worse, my time was mediocre, so when I finished, I was upset about it. I felt like the whole race was a waste of time and was mad at myself for not having achieved my goal.

When my husband asked me, "Well, did you at least enjoy running the race?" my answer was, "no."

This is the problem with focusing on the outcome of goals, rather than the process of achieving them. We just want the "journey" to be over with so we can reap the rewards of the "destination."

The problem is twofold

1) Even when we do reach our intended outcome, it never makes us as happy as we think it will.

2) If we don't achieve the outcome we want, we feel like the whole endeavor was a giant waste of time.

So much for "living in the present."

How to "enjoy the journey."

So how do you get past that? How do you learn to enjoy the journey, and not just the destination?

This calls for another story.

After the disastrous 10k (and several months of therapy, but that's another topic altogether), I ran a much longer trail race: 22 miles long, one mile elevation gain, five and a half hours of running/hiking.

But this time, I didn't look at my watch. I didn't think about the finish line.

Instead, I focused on why I signed up in the first place: being outside, using my body, feeling strong, running with a community of people who share my values.

Whenever there was a massive hill, instead of hating life, I reminded myself why it was important to me to challenge myself physically. When my knees started hurting, I would look around at the scenery and think about how lucky I was to be physically capable of doing something like this. When I really started feeling the fatigue after about 20 miles, I found another runner to keep pace with and we encouraged each other until the end.

My race time wasn't amazing that day, but that didn't matter. The outcome - finishing the race - was just an added bonus to what had been a wonderful experience.

And I'll tell you what: that race changed me.

For one, my race times are no longer as good as they used to be. I'm not quite as competitive and don't push myself the same way.

You might be thinking, "Wait a minute, if you stop focusing on the outcome, you don't achieve as much? That doesn't sound like a good thing."

My response to that? It depends on your priorities. Trading a fast race time for happiness was a sacrifice I was willing to make.

Enjoy the destination and the journey

All of this said, you shouldn't give up on having goals. Goals drive us forward, they help us evolve.

Keep your goals, just see if you can put less pressure on yourself to achieve them in such a specific way. Keep trying to evolve, just make sure the process of evolving brings you joy as well. And keep striving to achieve, just appreciate the experience of working towards your goals as much as you appreciate reaching them.

So that's my challenge to you

Think about something you are currently working towards: building a business, changing jobs, saving money, getting an MBA, losing weight.

And now think about what you are getting from the process of working towards your goal.

1. What are you experiencing ?

2. What are you learning ?

3. How are you evolving ?

Don't lose sight of the outcome, but see if you can find happiness and fulfillment through the journey itself.

Because that journey? It's called life.

Try to enjoy it.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Favor the Bold Communications. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

The post How to be happier right this second appeared first on FamilyToday.

Lately, I've been consumed with visions of hamburgers.

You see, I recently started a diet. You should know that for more than 10 years, I've been loudly and repeatedly declaring to anyone who will listen that I don't believe in diets. I haven't dieted since college and have no intention of getting into that vicious cycle all over again.

So what am I doing on a diet? I won't bore you with the details, but my goal isn't to lose weight, it's to challenge my habits and experiment with different theories around eating to see what I can learn.

So, as I restrict myself from eating exactly what I want for the first time in a decade, I've been thinking a lot about behavior change. And burgers.

To distract myself from my carb cravings, I've come up with a theory on how to successfully make big changes. Here we go.

The key to successfully making a change is to underestimate yourself in the short-term, and overestimate yourself in the long-term.

To break that down, we need to work backwards.

1. Overestimate yourself in the long-term

When it comes to any goal, play big .

Several years ago, I wanted to start running. I had always thought of myself as someone who just couldn'trun long distances. But since I couldn't tolerate the idea that I wasn't capable of something I wanted to do, I set out to prove myself wrong.

The first time I ran 3 consecutive miles, I signed myself up for a half-marathon. It was my first ever race - I had never even run a 5k before. So why jump from 3 miles to 13? Why not start with a 5 or 10k, something I knew I'd be able to do?

Because that's just it: I knew I'd be able to do a 10k. It didn't feel like enough of a challenge, so it didn't excite me. Running 10k didn't scare me. Running 21k did.

If your goal doesn't scare you, aim higher

But here's the thing: the key to aiming high is playing the long game.

I didn't run my first half-marathon the next month; I gave myself 6 months to train properly. Which was another benefit: my goal was sufficiently fear-inducing that it motivated me to take it seriously.

When we aim low and focus on small, short-term goals, we easily get demotivated because without a real challenge, there's no excitement. Plus, if it's quick and easy to do, the pay-off is so much lower. The less you put into something, the less you get out of it.

But when you aim high, work hard and actually achieve what you set out to do, it can be life-changing.

The power in aiming high is that you challenge your limits. When you succeed, you disprove the limits you've set for yourself and the beliefs you have about what's possible. You'd be surprised how flexible your limits are when you're willing to push them.

So if you want to make a change, make it big, be both ambitious and patient, and push yourself to achieve things you never thought possible.

But not right away.

Which brings us to:

2. Underestimate yourself in the short-term

This might seem to spit in the face of everything I just said, but there's a time when you shouldunderestimate your abilities. And that time is when you're first starting out on making a change.

Listen, I get it. You have your goal. It's big. It's ambitious. It's gonna be great. In your mind, you're already there.

So what do you to? In your excitement to get started, you take on too much, too quickly. You start a low-carb diet by swearing off all carbs forever. You start a running practice by telling yourself you're going to run every single day. And then, when you inevitably skip a day or eat a piece of pizza, you get frustrated, claim it's impossible and give up.

Which is why underestimating yourself can actually help you make the change you want to make.

Here's why: To achieve something, you have to believe it's achievable, and the only way to do that is to build proof that it's possible, one small step at a time.

So when you're first starting out, start small. Make it easy for yourself to succeed, because every small success is proof that you should keep going. Every little win helps you build the confidence you need to believe that it's possible.

Remember, you're playing the long game. Build a strong foundation by taking it slow at first. Rushing it at the start and setting overly-ambitious short-term goals only sets you up for failure.

"Ok, Elissa," you're thinking. "I get it. I'll set realistic short-term goals."

Nope. Don't just set realistic goals, set embarrassingly easy short-term goals.

It sounds harsh, but there's actual science behind this tough love. Multiple studies show that most people, especially those "unskilled" at something (i.e. just starting out), have a tendency to overestimate their abilities, especially compared to others.

This means that even though we "know" it isn't realistic to expect to be able to make a big behavioral change overnight, the vast majority of us still think we're capable of succeeding where others have failed.

Which, of course, we rarely do.

So how can you beat the trend? How do you know you're setting realistic short-term goals, when obviously our perception of what's realistic is skewed?

Aim low. Really low. Take what you think is realistic, and cut it in half.

Yes, really.

Start there, at half of what you think is doable, and if that proves to be too easy, add to it. But first, make sure that it is in fact "too easy" by actually doing it. Remember, you're in this for the long haul. It's a whole lot easier to make a big, ambitious change when you're moving forward, not having to step backwards.

So if you're considering a life change - whether it's starting a new diet or a new career, breaking a bad habit or creating a good one - aim big, but start small.

You'd be surprised how far you can go by knowing when to hold yourself back

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Favor the Bold Communications. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

The post How to make a change the right way appeared first on FamilyToday.

Since I started working for myself, it seems like everyone has advice for a new entrepreneur like me. Most of it's been very welcome - I need all the business advice I can get!

Here's just some of the incredibly useful tips on starting your own business that I've gotten:

"Include the unexpected work in your pricing."

"Don't work with jerks."

"Put it out there before you think it's ready."

But I've also received some advice - most of it from "couch entrepreneurs" who don't have any experience in starting their own thing - that has been, shall we say, less than helpful:

"Don't worry if it doesn't work - you can always go back to a real job."

"You shouldn't bother with blogging. People don't read anymore."

"You really should be on Twitter/ Periscope/ Snapchat/ every single other social media."

Generally, if someone's advice isn't coming from personal experience, I'm not that interested. Which is why, back when I was 24 and getting married, I paid full attention when a friend's parent who had been married for 30 years offered some marriage advice.

Nine years later, the advice he gave me has not only saved my marriage several times, but has inadvertently become some of the best business advice I've ever received as well.

Sometimes you'll hate it

You've heard that marriage (working for yourself) has highs and lows, but it's important to understand just how low those lows can be. There will be times when you'll hate your partner (business), not just for a couple hours, but for a couple months. Sometimes you'll feel like you don't even know why you got married (started a business) in the first place. You'll probably think about giving up.

But that's normal

It's normal for it to be hard. It's normal to absolutely hate it at times. It's normal to want to give up. But as long as the highs outweigh the lows overall, it's worth sticking with it. When you get through the lows, your relationship (business) will be that much stronger. The highs are higher, the lows are easier. And you'll realize, "It's worth it."

It's worth it ... unless it isn't

That said, if there are more lows than highs, or if the lows are lower than the highs are high, maybe it isn'tworth it. But here's the thing: you'll know. You'll know when it isn't worth it and it really is time to quit.

But when it works? It's so rewarding

So yes, it's going to be hard. The hardest thing you've done so far. But as long as you listen to yourself, trust yourself, work through the lows and appreciate the highs, it will also be the most rewarding thing you've ever done.

It seemed a little depressing at the time, especially when the other marriage advice I was receiving was like, "Never go to bed mad." But that realistic view of how hard it can be has been a godsend, both in my marriage and in my business.

Because here's the thing, running your own business, like being married, is hard. You know that most small businesses, like 50% of marriages, fail; yet you hear all the time how rewarding it is, how amazing it can be if you just work really hard.

And, like marriage, working for yourself has highs and lows. Sometimes, you'll be congratulating yourself for being so awesome and for smashing this business game.

And other times? You'll be curled up in the fetal position under your desk, weeping and thinking, "I can't do this."

And maybe you'll be right. Just like some marriages just can't work, some businesses can't either. So I'm not saying stick it out no matter what - to never quit, never say die, and all the other inspirational quotes. If you know in your heart that it's not worth it, you should consider letting go. There's nothing wrong with quitting something that makes you miserable more than it makes you happy.

But before you give up, remember that it's normal

It's normal for it to be hard. It's normal to hate it. It's normal for a low to be so low you can't ever imagine getting out of it. To think that you'll never see a high again. It's normal to want to give up.

But if you wait it out, if you give it a little time and a little patience and give yourself a little grace, you just might be able to pull yourself out of the hole, and start heading back up the hill towards another high. And when you do, you'll come out stronger, more experienced, more confident in your ability to handle those lows.

That's not to say they'll never happen again. They will.

But if you can get through them, you just might find that the highs outweigh the lows. And maybe the lows will start getting a little easier and a little further apart. Maybe the highs will get even higher and last even longer. It will still be hard, but you'll be more prepared for the tough times and more appreciative of the good times. And it'll be worth it.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Favor the Bold Communications. It has been republished here with permission.

The post Why this business advice is actually perfect for your marriage appeared first on FamilyToday.