Returning home from a military deployment is very difficult. Thankfully, my wife and sweetheart recognized my struggle. As I spoke with military friends they told me of similar adjustment problems. After months of serious thought, my conclusion was this: In a war zone, every soldier is confronted with danger and faces the reality that any given day may be his or her last. When a soldier comes home, the danger is gone but the spotlight on the importance of life remains. Hence, he or she is confronted with the trivial nature of our day-to-day lives and the improper focus on the temporal self-centered world.

In addition to the soldier adjusting to everyday life, the family must also adjust to the soldier. While the husband was gone, the wife became the principal decision maker for family expenses and for guidance and discipline. With the sudden influx of an additional leader, the spouse and the children become confused and struggle returning to pre-deployment status. Consider the following suggestions to help the family during this adjustment period:

Accept the fact that an adjustment is necessary

Do not deny the problem. You and your family have changed because of the deployment and separation.

Bring the family together for discussions

Everyone in the family - even the small children - should be invited to talk about the new situation and how everyone should respond to the future.

Take time to listen to your spouse and make a plan

A friend, whose husband had returned from deployment, put it this way: "The couple should clean and organize a room together." What a fantastic idea! A person caught up in such a project must stay, help, and listen. Other suggestions might be a short vacation, a time-consuming daily walk, or a long delayed project in the yard.

Invite other people into your life - don't go it alone

Brothers and sisters, church leaders, friends, neighbors, and community members will all be there for you. They will add more perspective to your point of view. Moreover, they love and appreciate the sacrifice of the whole family. They will help you and your family with the adjustment and you will feel their love.

While this adjustment time can be a hard transition for the whole family, it can bring families together even stronger than they were before when handled wisely.

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1. Pray often - at home and in the field!

There is no question in my mind that the Lord Jesus Christ supports the warriors who fight for freedom. There are numerous photos on the Internet of soldiers praying together and even one of a group of marines praying over a fallen comrade. Seek to stay close to the Lord and He will comfort the soldier and family. He is there for us. Find the chaplain and attend church. I found that as I attended church the topics often migrated to this topic: "God is in charge, and he will be there even if there is a very difficult outcome".

2 . Reach out to others and forget yourself

While on deployment in the Middle East I was stationed in Kuwait. The dust, heat, and living conditions were extremely uncomfortable. One night, the idea came to me that being self-centered and believing I was a victim was not working. I started volunteering to help others. One of my best efforts was interviewing people in the food line. I met the most interesting people-and all seemed to be sacrificing more than I was. My journal is filled with their stories. My life changed when I was not the center of it.

3. At home, stay close to family support groups

Going it alone at home is a bad idea. Deployed units always have a family support group that has the goal of providing assistance and personal contact with others in the same situation as you. My wife can testify that these people were a wonderful relief to her and the family. Church and community groups want to give assistance! Give them a chance. Of course, if personal family is close by, make stay in regular contact.

4. Make communication with home routine

This may seem simple, but it is so effective. Email each day so the family can know what you are doing. Also, try to call home daily. If that is not possible, select a specific day and time to call. The family will be so happy to know that a call can be expected and everyone will get a chance to talk. On certain occasions, this won't work. If a regular day and time is not possible, let the family know each time you talk when the next time will be.

5. Soldier, sailors, and airmen - DO YOUR JOB WELL!

This may seem oversimplified. Take note: the time will pass faster and you will be happier when you know you have done your job responsibly and effectively. Your fellow soldiers will see your dedication and follow your example, which will make everyone effective and safer.

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