It has been birthday season around our house, and with Christmas right around the corner, my husband and I are starting to hear a lot of "I wants" and "I needs" and it doesn't jive with how we want to raise our children.

I don't think many of us are born with an attitude of gratitude, but rather it is developed with practice and regular application. To avoid raising a generation of entitled kids we need to teach our children how to be thankful and to express their gratitude often.

Here are a few ideas we've applied in our home, and continue working on to prevent selfishness and greediness.

1. Create service opportunities

Looking for ways to help others is one of the best ways to find gratitude for what you've been given and stop focusing on what you think you are missing. These don't have to be grand, intricately detailed service experiences. We frequently take a plate or two of cookies to neighbors we've been thinking about. We also have fun raking neighbors' leaves or even just pulling their garbage cans up to their garage. There's a great quote I heard from one of my church leaders: "First observe, then serve." When we teach our children to look for others who need help and then serving them, we are helping avoid selfishness.

2. Write thank-you notes

At my son's last birthday party he had about 20 guests. That's a lot of presents, and thereby thank-you cards. But over the course of about a week (he doesn't write very quickly) he completed a thank-you card for every gift he received, and we delivered those thank-you cards. He wasn't thrilled about writing all those, but he did remember how much he enjoyed playing with each present he got, and it provided us an opportunity to list several blessings he had that are overlooked.

We talked about how lucky he is to have so many friends and family close by, how lucky he is to have so many new toys, how lucky he is that he can read and write, and that he has both his hands and all his fingers to be able to write. I'm sure there were a few more blessings we could have mentioned, but I wanted him to recognize and recount on his own.

3. Help them think to thank

Around our dinner table we've started the tradition to talk about the best parts of our days. We take turns talking about what our favorite parts of the day were, and why those parts made us happy. Then we talk about what we are thankful for. I love this tradition because it helps all of us remember that even really yucky days can have rainbows and sunshine. It helps end the day on a positive note so tomorrow can start with sunshine. When we think about what we are thankful for we recognize more of what we have been blessed with.

4. Set the example

Yes, I know, I think every parenting tips and tricks post mentions setting an example, leading by example, being the best example. I don't know how to be a parent without setting an example. Regardless of my actions (good or bad) my son follows my lead. How can I expect my children to do something I don't do myself? My husband and I try to thank each other for any service the one provides the other. My husband always thanks me for making dinner, and I do the same when he makes dinner. He then encourages our oldest to thank me for making dinner. When my oldest helps me out I make sure to thank him for his help, and he beams when I've recognized his attempts.

5. Make donations

In January every year, we feel overrun with toys and clothes. Instead of piling toys upon toys, and creating that scene from "Toy Story 3" (where they all feel so neglected because they never get played with), we go through the toy piles and clothes piles and determine which ones we can part with. Those that haven't been played with for a year (or so), or clothes that no longer fit, but are in good condition, we donate. We will donate to the local thrift stores or homeless shelters. This helps kids understand that not everyone is as fortunate, and we need to be kind and extend a helping hand.

Some other ideas:

*Serve at a soup kitchen

*Organize a food drive or toy drive in your neighborhood

*Write letters or send packages to military personnel

How do you help your children be less selfish? What are some of your favorite service activities as a family?

The post Teaching kids an attitude of gratitude appeared first on FamilyToday.

There is a state holiday in Utah called Pioneer Day. This day celebrates the first day the Utah pioneer settlers arrived in the Salt Lake valley. In Utah it is kind of a big deal, but my husband (who isn't from Utah) gives me a hard time about it because no other state has a state holiday celebrating their settlers.

Anyway, in honor of my state's holiday, I thought I would share some ways to help involve your kids in family history. You may be wondering why we should involve kids in family history, isn't that something old, retired people do?

A review of a research study was recently published in the New York Times. The research study was conducted in Atlanta, and determined that children who knew about their family history were more resilient and had higher self-esteem than children who couldn't answer some basic questions about their family history.

The psychologists who conducted the study developed a 20-item questionnaire asking questions such as, "Who do you look like most in your family?" and, "Do you know where one of your grandparents grew up?" The researchers stated, it isn't important that children can answer questions, but the children understand their history which helps them develop a sense of belonging to something larger than themselves. Talking about family stories provides a sense of belonging and develops a family narrative. This family narrative offers examples to the children of how they should act in a given situation.

It can be hard to talk about family history without boring the kids, but there are some easy ways to bring up family history that doesn't seem like a history lesson.

Spend time with extended family members

Go to family reunions and let your kids play with their second and third cousins. On your way to the reunion and as you are returning home, talk about how everyone they played with is related to them.

Repeat family traditions

Tra-di-tions "¦ Traditions!! That song from Fiddler on the Roof makes me laugh because sometimes we really don't know how or why traditions get started, but we carry on because that's what we do. My mom told me a story about her grandmother who would cut the end off the roast, when my mom asked why, she said because that's how her mother did it. When she asked her great-grandmother why, she said, "Because the roast wouldn't fit in my pan."

Having silly, crazy traditions creates great memories. One of my favorite traditions is called the nickel sock. At Christmas, my dad's parents fill a stocking with nickels and each grandchild gets to keep as many nickels as they can draw out in one hand. One of my cousins won over $15 one year! The great-grandchildren now participate and my parents plan on continuing the tradition once my grandparents are gone.

Sharing pictures

This is another great way to keep family history stories entertaining. I have created some personalized photo books for my mother-in-law and father-in-law. I included the youngest pictures of them I could find. These photo books have given my in-laws the opportunity to share stories with my oldest about their childhood and their parents. It is easier for children to remember and relate to a story if they can see the person the story is about. Go through the boxes of pictures in your family's attics and create a digital copy that will be around for your children to look at as they hear the stories about great-granddad so and so. If you can, get the multi-generational pictures with your children, then they will really want to see the pictures often.

Visit cemeteries

Visiting cemeteries and places of past residence provide another tangible memory of ancestors. My grandma passed away about a year and a half ago, this last Memorial Day I took my oldest with me to visit her final resting place. He appreciated discussing where she is now and hearing some stories about her. We also discussed my aunt that passed away when she was only 10 days old. Her burial plot is right next to my grandma. The setting was easy, I didn't have to force him to listen to a family history lecture, and now he remembers the baby who never left the hospital. He also learned a little about the hardships his grandma went through, and can draw on that story to help him when he has a hard trial to face.

Create a family tree

Another way to bring up family history is by creating a family tree. There are a few different methods for creating a family tree on Pinterest. Pick one that suits you, your home decor or your children's interest and get it started. If your kids help create the family tree it will provide you with the opportunity to share a story or two about the people you are adding to the tree. You can display the tree in an area that your kids will see often, and chances are they will ask you to share a story about uncle so and so that they haven't heard before.

I love being able to live close to my extended family right now and the opportunities my children will have to know they belong to an incredible group of people who love them and will always support them.

How do you share family history with your kids?

The post 5 ways to share family history with your kids appeared first on FamilyToday.

Life is crazy, hectic, chaotic, stressful and FUN. Am I right? Amidst all these different challenges we need to spend time together as a family.

Growing up, my mom made dinner just about every night. The only exceptions were date nights and she usually had something prepared for us kids and the babysitter. We did eat out at restaurants occasionally, but really only for birthdays. We would order pizza about once a month as well.

I can't even imagine how she did that, I get tired of cooking dinner three nights in a row. If it weren't for freezer meals, we would probably eat cold cereal for dinner a couple of times a week. I'm grateful she made the effort, and I am striving to follow in her footsteps. Why, might you ask? Because I realize the importance of families getting together at the end of the day to reconnect and share about their day.

My husband's parents owned a catering business and they were gone many nights. As my husband and his brother got into their teens, they were frequently given $20 and the phone number to the pizza delivery. He talks about how he wished his family had been together at nights to share the meal and discuss the day's events. This is another reason we make family dinner a priority.

I don't want to give you the wrong idea with that preface. Our family meals are not heavenly, blissful events, but we are doing our best to make them enjoyable for everyone. Here's some reasons you should make family dinners a priority, and ways to make them more enjoyable.

Communication

Studies show that families that frequently eat dinner together will have less tension, and teens are less likely to try illegal drugs or alcohol. I could stop right there, right? When families spend time together frequently, the parents are able to pick up on cues from their children, and the children know their parents are listening and care.

Health

Families that make time for dinner together will eat healthier, on average. Meals that are prepared at home have less trans fats, and children typically eat more fruits and vegetables. Studies also show that when families eat dinner together at least three times a week, the children weigh less than children who do not eat dinner with their families that often.

Self-Esteem

When children feel connected to their families, they feel secure. This security leads to higher self-esteem. Higher self-esteem can result in higher grades, and less inclination to peer pressure or body image issues.

You may ask how it is possible to have family dinners that frequently. Here are a couple of tips to make it easier.

• Freezer meals: Make them ahead and stick them in the oven when you get home, or put them in the crock pot before you leave in the morning (depending on the recipe).

• Crock pot meals: Put all the ingredients in the crock pot in the morning, and it's ready to eat when you get home.

• Fast family favorites: tacos, soup, grilled cheese sandwiches.

• Brenner: This is breakfast for dinner: waffles, pancakes, omelets.

• Take out: There's nothing wrong with ordering pizza from your favorite restaurant.

Make dinner time a fun time together with a couple of these tips:

• Use the fancy place settings (and practice etiquette on these nights).

• Have the kids help set the table, and make the meal.

• Have theme nights (Monday is Mexican, Tuesday is try something new, Wednesday is whatever's leftover, etc.).

• Avoid serious discussions until after dinner is over

• Everyone gets a turn sharing about their day

What have you found helps bring your family together? Why are family dinners important to you?

The post 3 reasons why you should be having family dinner appeared first on FamilyToday.

Sleepovers have elicited some strong emotions among parents lately. Many parents are choosing to skip the sleepovers and opt for other friend-bonding experiences.

It seems like kids come programmed to want sleepovers. There's something exciting about having guests overnight. I have lots of fun memories about sleepovers and all the crazy activities that happened on those late nights. I used to have birthday party sleepovers when I was in elementary school. Then, as I got older, and my friends didn't have curfews, I would sleepover at their houses to avoid my own curfew (sorry mom and dad).

Of course there are so many fun times involved with sleepovers. Truth or Dare. MASH. Pranks. Ghost Stories. Friendships really can be made and solidified with those late night, soul-bearing, sharing conversations. You learn more about your friend's family when you see them first thing in the morning.

Children can gain independence when they sleep away from family. They can adapt better in circumstances like scout camps, sports camps, and other activities that require nights away from home if they've had the opportunity to participate in sleepovers.

Those are the good parts of sleepovers.

But there are bad parts of sleepovers.

The pranks can become humiliating or destructive. Making someone share their deepest secrets can provide fuel for taunting and cyberbullying later when those friendships dwindle.

You don't have control over what your children will be exposed to when they are at someone else's home. The friend's family may be OK showing rated R movies to children under 17. The family may be OK walking around in very little clothing.

The kids really don't get any sleep.

Neither do the parents.

As a parent, it would make me nervous to be responsible for so many extra children. We are already very protective about our home with just our precious children. I can't imagine how nervous I would be having several precious children in my home.

There are also ugly parts of sleepovers.

Parts no one likes to talk about. Abuse can happen at sleepovers. This is the main reason my sister doesn't allow sleepovers.

How well do you really know your children's friend's parents? How well do you know their siblings? What would you do if a child who had stayed at your home accused you of abuse?

Where do you stand on the spectrum of sleepovers? Do you allow your children to sleep at other's homes? Do you allow friends to sleep at your home?

Currently, my stance is only family. I trust my family. I trust my siblings and their spouses. I trust my nieces and nephews. When my husband and I travel, there will be sleepovers, usually at grandma's, but I'm not going to stop cousins from staying over as well. Maybe I will revise my opinions as my children get older, but I don't see the need for sleepovers with friends. I think late nights will work just as fine, and have better results than the actual sleepover.

The post Sleepovers: The good, the bad, the ugly appeared first on FamilyToday.

I hadn't struggled getting pregnant, we had just waited for what felt like the right time to try again. We were thrilled. We had a happy accident with our first pregnancy, meaning we weren't really ready to be pregnant, but happy to have our baby. This time around, we wanted to be pregnant, we wanted this baby. I could barely contain my excitement.

If you haven't guessed from the title of the post, and that preface, yes, I miscarried. I was heartbroken. I was already planning names, counting down to the gender ultrasound. I miscarried at 9 weeks. It was a very difficult time, right around the holidays. My doctor told me that about one in four pregnancies end with a miscarriage. I couldn't believe the numbers were so high. Then I had friends who started to tell me about their experiences. It is a fairly common occurrence. And in most cases, it is heartbreaking for the mom. Dads may feel heartache as well, my husband had wanted the baby as much as me. It's just different for women.

My mother-in-law knew what I was going through. She miscarried three different times after my husband was born. She was there to comfort me and share her experience. She said the pain was so strong, so real, she couldn't get out of bed some days. She compared the pain to a burn victim sitting in a salt bath. "It felt like every inch of skin was singed and set on edge with the sight of another baby."

This heartache can be confounded around Mother's Day. Especially for women who have had multiple miscarriages, or struggled with infertility. My story pales in comparison to my friend Jaymalee Johnson. She lived across the street from me when I had my miscarriage. I knew I could turn to her because she had already miscarried twice when I had my miscarriage. She has since miscarried twice more. Four times, all while desperately wanting a baby, and not really receiving any answers from medical personnel. I asked Jaymee to share a little about her story and healing. I hope by sharing, some of you who have experienced this pain may feel a lessening, or at least know you are not alone in your pain.

"There are things we can try, they may or may not work, but at least there is some action I can take, and at least we have eliminated a few possibilities, we know it isn't genetics, we know it isn't a heart condition, it may or may not be my thyroid, but we don't really know.

Here is what I do know. The last three and half years, have been the hardest of my life. There have been days where I had to fight to get out of bed, there were days that I struggled to be a mom who was focused on her living and breathing children, there have been days that I didn't know if I would ever be able to laugh at my dear husband's jokes, not just laugh because I knew I was supposed to, but really, really laugh with him.

Each loss has been different, the first was hard, I didn't know a baby I had never held could leave such a hole in my heart.

My fourth loss came two days before my husband's grandfather passed away and just two months before my father-in-law passed away. As I looked around at my family who was facing such difficult losses, I realized that I couldn't fall apart right then. My husband, my children and my husband's family needed me to hold on tight and move forward with faith.

I don't know how the atonement of Jesus Christ works, I can't explain it. I've had days where I pleaded with my Heavenly Father to take away the pain, and yet, I knew that this was a pain that I was supposed to experience and endure. Even though there were days that felt very lonely, I have never been alone in this pain. I have an amazing husband, who has held my hand through it all, I've been given three really great children, who are always there with a gentle hug, a fun laugh, and willing volunteers for snuggle time. I have the book my counselor gave me, "Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for finding Hope and Healing your Heart" by Alan D. Wolfelt, at least it helped me know that I wasn't crazy.

Most importantly, I have a Savior, who has endured my pain. Somewhere, somehow in this past year, I've been given peace, and I have been given the strength to know, that if I will put my hand in my husband's hand, we can look to the Savior, regardless of the outcome in this life, we will be blessed as we do our Heavenly Father's will. We will carry on and we will be faithful."

I know of others who have experienced miscarriage after months and even years of trying infertility treatments. It is hard to imagine the pain of a miscarriage after paying thousands of dollars for a treatment that is supposed to help you become and stay pregnant. Many who have suffered through these trials will turn to adoption.

My cousin Aubry Thompson has a slightly different route to adoption. She has two beautiful little girls and would love to add to their family. She has shared a little of her healing path as well.

"Getting our two kids (and hopefully more) has been an adventure. When we first got pregnant in 2005 we were very excited, but that first pregnancy ended with a miscarriage and a D&C. I was upset and scared because my mom had several miscarriages and went through a lot to get us kids here. I worried that I may never be able to have children. Thankfully our oldest daughter was born just over a year after that first miscarriage. I then had a second miscarriage when we were trying for baby number two. Thankfully I got pregnant again a few months later and our second little girl was born in July of 2009. Her delivery was so much better than the first, and I figured I would be ready to have a third baby in a few short years.

Those plans all changed when I was diagnosed with Peripartum Cardiomyopathy (PPCM) two days after giving birth to our second daughter. PPCM is a form of heart failure that is caused by pregnancy. The heart chambers enlarge and the heart fails to function as it should. I was very fortunate to be diagnosed quickly, but many women are not so lucky. I was immediately put on the necessary heart medications and was told that it would be very risky to have more children. That was really hard to hear because I knew we wanted two more children.

When our baby was one I started looking into the possibility of adoption. It has been a crazy journey filled with a lot of ups and downs (we were emotionally scammed by a woman pretending to be pregnant and have had a handful of possible adoption opportunities fall through). Our baby is now almost 5 and an adoption has not happened yet, but we are still hopeful that it will. While this is not the plan that I had in mind for my family, I know we are stronger because of it. And I am so very grateful for the two beautiful, fun-loving little girls we have. I am always open to talking about PPCM and about adoption, and we are always trying to spread the word about our hope to adopt so that we can hopefully find the baby meant for our family."

There is hope and healing. It takes years sometimes. I still think about the baby that might have been mine around June 12. I was fortunate to be blessed with a healthy pregnancy, and a healthy baby just a few months after my miscarriage. My baby was born just shy of a year after my miscarriage. Somehow, every story finds a ways to have a happy ending, but not every ending is the same.

The post Healing through infertility and miscarriage appeared first on FamilyToday.

Today we are taking a drive down my personal story lane, because I think it's important to share, not because I'm an amazing person by any means, but hopefully someone else may gain strength from knowing they aren't the only one.

My husband served a mission for my church, as did I. We met at school after our missions were completed. We had deep doctrinal discussions. Our faith is something that sparked our friendship and eventual courtship.

See, my husband and I didn't like each other much when we first met. Let's just say our first impressions weren't very impressive. He thought I was a self-righteous, proud, unattractive know-it-all. I thought he was a proud, ignorant jock. How did we end up together? On a bet.

One of Mike's roommates had a bit of a crush on me. One evening I stopped by their apartment to ask them to return a pan they had borrowed. The roommate was watching WWE. I made a remark about the believability of the wrestling on that program. I followed up with the challenge that I could take down the roommate with my real wrestling skills. I did so in just a matter of seconds, whether he let me or not, I did. Mike then claimed I couldn't take him down, and if he pinned me, he was going to kiss me. I had never fought so hard in my life! I DID NOT want him to kiss me, and my ego was afraid of being crushed if he pinned me. I couldn't tell you which reason was my greatest motivation. He pinned me, but after at least 10 minutes of intense wrestling, and the rest, as they say, is history.

We began talking, joking around and eventually dating. Our first date was to worship together. I had a date that night with another guy, because I didn't consider worship as a date. Mike had other plans in mind and was mortally offended that I would go out with someone else right after my date with him. In my defense, he never categorized our worship as a date, and didn't clue me in until the next day. The next day we attended a university football game together, and he wouldn't even look at me.

Later that evening, I was attending an opening showing of the newest Harry Potter movie with my sister. He called while I was traveling to the movie and asked if he could tag along. He later told me that he felt bad for being so cold at the football game and couldn't bear to stay mad at me so he had to drive the hour and a half to see me that night. The movie was sold out, so my sister offered her ticket so he could join me. He came to my house afterward and met my mom. She warned me after he left that he was wrapped around my finger. I wasn't convinced because there was no way this guy that hated my guts could like me enough to be love struck.

Boy was I wrong. We had our ups and downs during our dating, but during Christmas break, we realized we couldn't be separated, and never wanted to be. We got engaged in January and married in April. From the time we officially started dating to marriage was only about six months. We had only really known each other for eight months. We knew it was love, and knew we wanted to be together forever.

About a year and a half after we were married, Mike dropped a bombshell in my lap. He told me he no longer believed in God. Not just that he didn't believe in our faith, but he didn't believe in life after death, a heavenly father, any of it. I literally felt the wind knocked out of me, and wasn't sure what path to follow from this point on. I was unprepared for what the next step would be. I didn't know if there was a next step or if everything I had hoped for would be gone.

We started having long conversations about what his new belief system meant for our relationship. I prayed and fasted for answers and direction. I received great counsel from my dad. All answers told me to continue loving Mike, and placing our marriage as my priority.

That is what we have been working on ever since that point. My faith and religion are one, and they are the most identifying factor in my life. That hasn't changed and never will. My faith has been strengthened through this challenge, and I am grateful to recognize that blessing. I never knew I would be this strong, and don't always feel very strong, but I continue to pray for strength, and receive what I need. If it isn't too proud to admit, I am a better person by going through this challenge than I would have been without it. I attend all church meetings with our two boys by myself. I share my faith with our boys, pray with them and help them develop their own faith.

So here's how Mike and I keep our marriage strong and the priorities we have set.

Family is first and foremost

I don't let service in the church come between me and my family. My church service is important, and I schedule time, and attend all my meetings, but I don't overstretch myself so I'm stressed out about service more than spending time with my family.

Mike and I spend time together doing the activities that we have always enjoyed together

We still attend our alma mater football games together, we exercise together, we continue our courtship through weekly date nights. We take time to reconnect and enjoy each other's company. He is my best friend and my first choice to spend free time with. He makes me laugh and helps me release stress.

We set the right time to discuss the serious issues

We've had our share of arguments and discussions about religion, in-laws, personal time, whatever it is that couples fight about. We've been there, done that and learned from our mistakes. We wait to bring up an issue until it is the right time for a discussion. I'm really cranky when I'm tired or overstretched. I wait until I've had a nap or accomplished some of my to-do list before I bring up a taboo subject. This avoids excess stress in the situation, and I've had time to collect my RATIONAL thoughts. He has learned to wait for a discussion until I'm unhindered, the kids are otherwise preoccupied, and I can give him my full attention so the discussion doesn't become bogged down with unnecessary emotions.

We are honest with each other about our emotions and thoughts

I wouldn't feel comfortable writing this post if I hadn't discussed each of these points with Mike previously. He knows how I feel, and I understand how he feels.

We focus on each other's positive attributes

While I'm still praying for Mike to find his faith, I know he is THE BEST father, husband, friend, companion, you name it, I could EVER wish for. I know he is my soul mate (even if he doesn't believe in a soul. I guess I could call him Edward), and I wouldn't be happier with anyone else. He knows that even though I'm busy Sunday mornings, my faith makes me more compassionate, patient, and overall happier.

We support each other in our personal pursuits

He cheers me on at my races, and I watch tennis with him. He eats all my baked goods, and I watch tennis with him. Just kidding, I do enjoy watching tennis now, but only because of him. We recognize that it is important to have our own hobbies, and our own time to more fully appreciate our time together. We are different people with different interests, and participating in those different interests is what helps us stay true to who we are.

We still cuddle almost every night

The only exceptions are when he is out of town, or when I stay up late finishing a blog post. We still enjoy physical contact and reserve that special connection for each other. Complete fidelity through thought, actions, and the media we view, keep our marriage strong.

What do you do to keep your marriage strong? What priorities have you set in your relationship?

The post Setting marriage priorities: A glimpse at my personal life appeared first on FamilyToday.