We all enjoy working in an organization where we feel like our contribution matters, where what we are doing helps others and where there is a sense of comradery or family. Even when problems arise, they are confidently overcome. It is almost magical.

Sometimes that magic feels like it is slipping away. Your boss turns his company over to one of his kids, the PTA President resigns because her child graduates, the Rotary President passes the gavel to the next in line, or your church leader moves on to another ministry.

Naturally you want to hang on to the magic but it is difficult when the new leader, who has legitimate authority, doesn't have much experience with the organization or doesn't know how to motivate people. Your options typically are to leave the organization or hang on and reminisce about the good ol' days.

The best option is for you to be the inspiration, even though you don't have the authority of the boss, leader, president, etc. It dictates that you lead by inspiring others from the middle of the pack instead of at the head of the pack.

Charismatic authority is what leading from the middle is called. People follow you because they believe in you and your ideas, even though you do not have legitimate authority in the organization. You are an influencer and a persuader for good.

Being the inspiration requires that you are:

1. Willing to inspire others

You have to care about the organization, its people and its products/services because others can feel your enthusiasm or lack thereof.

2. Persuasive

The hallmark of a charismatic leader is the ability to persuade people, because you cannot reward or punish them for not following you.

3. Consistent

Improvement cannot be sustained unless the ultimate goal and methods of achieving the goal are consistently the same. For example, the organization cannot work as a team if members of the organization are gossiping about each other. The leader must be consistent in encouraging everyone to work together, without petty criticism.

4. Insistent

People have to be reminded that the objective is important by insistent encouragement. The leader must insist that it is important that everyone buys into the goal and the methodology.

5. Persistent

Persistence is necessary so people will not think that by ignoring an issue, it goes away. The leader must persistently remind everyone to work together to achieve the goal.

6. Able to keep your ego in check

Arrogance will repel most followers unless you are fighting a common enemy and they think you are their only hope. Braggarts are difficult to tolerate for very long.

7. Positive and motivated by a better cause

Being positive is the essence of being the inspiration. Any whiner can get others to join in a complaint fest. You must be willing and able to lift the sights of others to see the benefit of doing things in a better, more efficient or kinder way.

8. Capable of leading by example

No charismatic leader will hold on to followers if they see the leader acting inconsistently with the message. Your commitment to excellence must include acting the part.

9. Helpful

Remember, it is all about the humans. Leaders don't lead documents, machines, raw materials or concepts. They lead people, so you must be sociable and people oriented.

10. Careful

The legitimate leader might feel threatened by a charismatic leader. Even if what you are doing is benefitting everyone, and even if you are doing what the legitimate leader has asked you to do, you could be viewed as trying to usurp authority. Be careful and observant of the reaction of the leader. Never try to get ahead of what he or she thinks is most important.

Being the catalyst for beneficial change is exhilarating when you are successful. When you are the inspiration, others will respect and follow you, which will make your workplace more enjoyable and productive. A charismatic leader can be the inspiration that makes the organization feel like family.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Roger Allred's website. It has been republished here with permission.

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No organization or relationship survives without proper communication.

Communication is essential for a solid marriage, a healthy family, a successful soccer team and a profitable multi-national corporation. It is the mechanism that creates synergy when people work together to accomplish a goal.

My wife tells me quite often, "It's not what you say; it's how you say it." Sometimes, it is what I say that creates the problem but this article will deal with the "how."

The concept of "it's how you say it" applies to all communication. I will use a husband and wife as an example, but the principles apply equally to communicating with teenage children, with the coach of the kids' soccer team or with your boss at work.

Assuming that you know what you're talking about and have the ability to express yourself adequately, communication will improve when you consider:

1. Does the tone of my voice indicate what I am trying to communicate?

No matter what I am thinking or feeling, if the tone of my voice is not appropriate to my wife, my ability to communicate with her is drastically diminished. It helps me to take time to decompress from work or an intense situation before interacting with her so that my emotion doesn't spill over to our conversation.

2. Is the volume of my voice appropriate?

The volume of one's voice is sometimes hard to gauge. Using the reaction of another can be a good indicator of your volume, but that could be too late. Consciously try to soften your voice, unless you are warning of danger.

3. Does my body language show that I am interested to communicating?

The best way to engage another in a conversation is to begin with a smile. When we were dating, I would never have thought that scowling would be the best way to impress my future wife. The same applies to the message you send if you talk to another with crossed arms and a haughty look.

4. Do I maintain eye contact when speaking?

If the eyes are the windows of the soul, avoiding eye contact will give the impression that you are hiding something or that you simply are not interested. You might have something important to say but if you do not maintain eye contact, your message could be lost.

5. Do I avoid sarcasm?

Sarcasm is the language of arrogance and/or ignorance. It can be used for humor sometimes, but you have to use caution. Sarcasm usually ends sincere communication.

6. Is my silence appropriate?

Silence can be a useful communication tool. When I am pondering what has been said, it shows respect for the other person and their opinion. However, I know bosses that use silence to intimidate employees. In a marriage, the silent treatment never leads to resolution of a problem.

7. Am I responding to the concerns of the other person?

If I eloquently speak about a problem with my wife, but it is not the problem that she sees, I have failed. Being responsive to the other person is infinitely more important than eloquence.

8. Will my relationship with the other person help or hinder the communication?

You can't fake "sincere" with people who know you. Often, you can't fake it with anyone else. But, if we have the proper relationship with others, we can effectively communicate, even if we don't express ourselves well.

The "how" is just as important as the "what" when communicating. Here is a simple example. We have all been complimented. We all know that the same words spoken by different people have very different meanings. Someone can say, "I love you" and it melts our heart. Others can say the same words and we know it is just hollow nonsense spoken only because it sounds nice.

As George Bernard Shaw said, "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." The best way to overcome that illusion of communication with our spouse, child, neighbor or boss is to consider carefully not only what we want to say but how we say it and how we can increase the trust in our relationships. As a result, our relationships will not only survive, they will thrive.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Roger Allred's website. It has been republished here with permission.

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I was recently in a class of 21 other older men, like me.

The discussion leader asked, "How many of you have a child or grandchild that has chosen a lifestyle that will compromise their health, happiness or financial stability? I am not talking about making a serious mistake or two, because we all do that. I am talking about loved ones who consciously choose a lifestyle that will have significant negative consequences, which they can't seem to see or do not want to see."

Every hand went up.

Because this gut-wrenching reality is nearly universal, I would like to share some hope. This is not my concept but it was taught by Jesus Christ as recorded in the Bible. Whether Christian or not, the lesson is applicable for all those who want to help others who have lost their way. It is especially meaningful for those of us who have a family member or other loved one who is on the road to disaster.

In Luke, chapter 15, those who were critical of Jesus pointed out that he chose to associate with the lost souls of his time. Jesus did not answer his critics directly but, instead, told three parables in succession.

He told three stories about something being lost because each parable addresses a different reason that a bad choice was made. Since bad choices lead to bad places, Jesus tells us how to rescue those who are lost.

Parable 1: The lost sheep

The shepherd goes in search of a lost sheep, finds it, puts it on his shoulders and brings it back to the flock.

Christ's teaching:

1. Go get them

The shepherd left the rest of the flock in order to find a sheep that had innocently wandered away. Many times our innocent loved ones are lured away by those who claim to be friends, or corrupting influences of a corrupting media, or just yielding to physical urges, without proper restraint. We need to actively and immediately go to these sheep and teach them the truth.

2. Carry them

Innocents have not yet learned how to see the consequences of their actions. They are easily misled and we must carry them with our strength, like the shepherd, until they can develop their own.

3. Do not be harsh

The shepherd did not beat the wandering sheep. When one is innocent, they are not choosing to rebel against what is right. They don't fully understand what is right. They do need to be corrected and taught and loved. Harshness will not bring them back.

4. Rejoice

Everything that an innocent does to improve should be celebrated. Both the shepherd and the sheep will be better for it.

Parable 2: The lost coin

A woman loses one of her ten gold coins, so she sweeps her house until she finds it.

Christ's teaching:

1. Act with a sense of urgency

The woman did not wait until the light was just right to search for the lost coin (lost soul). She lit a candle and began to sweep immediately.

2. Search

Since the coin did not lose itself, we must recover it because it will not come back on its own. The woman had not properly cared for the coin and, therefore, it was lost. We must accept responsibility for losing the coin, and for finding the coin.

3. Make it right

Many people feel guilty when a loved one goes astray. Usually that guilt is inappropriate and unproductive. In the case of the lost coin, guilt is proper and it motivates us to apologize for our actions that caused the coin to be lost. Then, we can retrieve the coin from its lost place.

4. Rejoice

When the lost coin (lost soul) accepts our apology and returns, we rejoice. However, because the coin was lost as a result of our actions, we must be very careful not to repeat the same mistakes.

Parable 3: The lost (prodigal) son

The son of a loving father takes his inheritance and wastes it in riotous living. He realizes his mistake and returns home to accept his father's will.

Christ's teaching:

1. Wait

The son in this story was not innocent (sheep) and was not the victim of the actions of another (coin). He knowingly chose to leave his loving family and the principles that he knew were correct in order to satisfy his ego and lusts. He was prodigal, which means wasteful. Jesus taught that we don't wring our hands and worry about making amends for being human. This son chose to turn his back on all that was good, so we wait until the son realizes that he was wrong and wants to do better.

2. Love

We must show unconditional love, like the father in this parable did, to even those who have wronged us and blamed us and taken advantage of us. We don't justify their bad behavior but we love them in spite of their behavior.

3. Teaching can wait

The father welcomed his son home with unconditional love and acceptance. The son will have many lessons to learn and re-learn, but lessons can wait until the celebrations are over. Preaching should be minimal and teaching should only be as often as the student is willing to learn.

4. Rejoice

It goes without saying that parents are happiest when all of their children are safe within the fold.

We always rejoice when someone who is precious to us is found. Remember that none of these stories teaches using compulsion or trying to make another feel guilty. Persuasiveness, patience, gentleness and love are the key elements in rescuing those who are lost.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Roger Allred's blog. It has been republished here with permission.

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My wife and I are working with a number of people who are trying to change for the better. Their goal is to become more productive, draw closer to God and get to the point where they can help others. Many of them are fighting addictions.

Improvement is only possible through change. As we help them to change, we give them commitments to keep. Those commitments include associating with people who will lift them, reading, evaluating, changing habits and praying. Even with the best of intentions, some continue to stumble, but stumbling is OK if they get up and continue forward.

Most of our societal problems are the result of people following the mantra of the 1970's, "If it feels good, do it." Some were never taught or they consistently chose to avoid anything that required effort, sacrifice or self-restraint. Following the path of least resistance led them to a life of mediocrity or to the dark world of addictions

Commitment issues are not exclusive to overcoming addictions. Many people avoid doing difficult things and have suffered the consequences. Common commitment problems include homework, chores, marriage, diets, job assignments, money management, exercise and charitable kindness.

As employers, parents, friends, coaches and counselors, we can help those with commitment issues if they are willing to do their part. The following ideas will increase the likelihood of success.

Steps to help others make and keep commitments

1. Explain what they are supposed to do, in detail

They need to understand the commitment before they can keep it.

2. Challenge them to commit to the task

If they have questions, answer all of the questions and challenge them again.

3. Ask them to repeat what they are committing to do

Many times people will say they understand but it will become obvious if they don't as they try to express the commitment.

4. Describe the benefits of keeping the commitment

Most people want to know the benefit of change before they are willing to pay the price.

5. Tell them how keeping the commitment has helped you

Personal testimonials make the benefits real.

6. Express confidence in their ability to keep their commitments

Everyone does better at a task if they feel supported.

7. Instruct them to write the commitment on something that they will see multiple times each day.

The act of writing something and then reading it multiple times reinforces the commitment in their mind.

8. Help them to admit when their actions have harmed themselves and others

This process helps them understand that there are real consequences if they fail.

9. Follow up with them on a regular basis and discuss how well they are keeping the commitment.

When someone has to report on their progress, they are more likely to keep a commitment.

10. Have them describe the benefits they have seen in keeping the commitment

Verbalizing the benefits will help them see how much better their life is becoming and the future potential of their actions.

11. Praise them for their successes

It is always motivating to have a cheering section.

12. Give them something to read that will reinforce what they are trying to accomplish

Reading will increase their knowledge and give them more tools and more reasons to keep their commitments.

13. Encourage them to surround themselves with supportive people and lose the friends with whom they shared their addictions.

Since "birds of a feather flock together," they need a new flock.

14. Counsel them to ask God for strength

God will help anyone who is trying to become a better person.

15. Don't give up on them

Most people fail initially when trying to change. They are not used to keeping commitments because it is difficult. With time, those who are truly motivated will be successful.

If we, as employers, parents, friends, coaches and counselors want to help others, we must be committed to them and committed to being better people ourselves. Then, as WH Murray said, "Providence moves too. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it." Our lives and their lives will be richer, healthier and happier.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Roger Allred's blog. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

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We often hear the phrase, "Don't judge me," especially when the person saying it is doing something that they know they shouldn't. Some use the biblical, "Judge not that ye be not judged" (Matt 7:1), as justification. Jesus Christ did not mean that we should not make any judgments because he also said, ""¦ judge righteous judgment" (John 7:24). It is, therefore, important that we learn how to judge righteously or appropriately. When I die, I am confident that I will still be judged even if I never judged anyone.

Will Rogers said, "Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment." Certainly we learn from our experience but it would be wonderful if we could avoid bad experiences.

Since we all make hundreds of judgments every day; including, what will I do with my free time and, how much will I spend on a hamburger; these are some guidelines to consider.

Appropriate Judgement

1. Associations

We must all determine if those we associate are potentially damaging to us. For example - Will I go to lunch with the group at work that likes to tell dirty jokes? Will I allow my children to go to the home of people I do not know very well? We can work with and be around others that do not share our standards but we have the right and obligation to protect ourselves as much as possible from those associations that are harmful. We also judge who we will date and marry.

2. Philosophies

Evil does exist in the world and wickedness is glorified in the media. We use our judgement to keep those philosophies from damaging our lives.

3. Life Paths

Just because it looks cool to spend your life gratifying your every urge doesn't mean that it is a good choice. If others choose a certain lifestyle or if there is something that "everyone" does, you don't have to follow suit. Use your judgement to determine if that is the correct path for you.

4. Habits

Some habits hurt others. Some lead to addictions. Judge carefully because your choice could control your future.

5. Appearance

Everyone knows that you can't judge a book by its cover but following that adage blindly could lead you astray. The clothes we wear and the things we do to our bodies are our personal billboard as to what we are. Sometimes our interpretation is wrong but there is nothing wrong with being cautious around a person who is advertising something we don't buy.

6. Abilities

If you have ever hired a plumber or interviewed a job applicant, you know that you must be able to judge the abilities of someone to do a certain job.

Inappropriate Judgement

1. Snap Judgements

Except in emergency situations, snap judgements should be avoided. Don't judge by appearances or initial impressions. Do some research and evaluation, otherwise you can make some bad decisions and lose out on some cherished friendships.

2. Potential

We are incapable of determining the potential of another person. We are all children of God and Christ told us to perfect like he is. We can never say that another person will never be a better person than they are right now. There is always hope.

3. Final Judgement

Only God has the right and the ability to render a final judgement. Some say that they are going to heaven; while those who worship differently than they do are damned. That judgement is exactly what is meant by, "Judge not"¦"

4. Ego Driven

Any judgement that has the sole purpose of fueling someone's arrogance will be tainted, at best. Those who live to judge others to make themselves look better will lead a lonely and unfulfilled existence.

5. Judging Oneself Too Harshly

We all have problems and character flaws. That is because we are human. God knows us and loves us. He does not want to condemn us. If we are on the path to be more like him and trying to do his will, he will accept us and help us.

We will continue to make judgements every day, as we always have. We will certainly make better judgements if we follow the advice of author, Anne McCaffrey, "Make no judgments where you have no compassion."

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Roger Allred's blog. It has been republished here with permission.

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My oldest daughter bought me a shirt that has these words written in bold, black letters on the chest, "Everyone is Entitled to My Opinion." I doubt that she meant it as one of the things that she admires most about her dad. I readily admit that I have an opinion about everything that I consider consequential and it has taken me many years to learn to express those opinions more appropriately.

I know of the old adage, "One never discusses politics or religion in polite company." Politics and religion are my favorite topics and I find discussing them to be mentally stimulating. However, even prattling about mindless trivialities can get you in trouble these days. Discussing the weather can easily slip into the politicized bombshell of "climate change." "How are you?" - can lead to a debate on the importance of God in our lives.

Since discussions of things that are important to us lead us to express our opinions. And, since opinions are as ubiquitous and individual as people, we need to learn how to express our opinions and when to just shut up.

From someone who apparently feels that everyone is entitled to my opinion, I offer the following list, based on extensive experience with my wife and children, and on the job.

Shut Up When You "¦

1. See a glazed look in the eyes of the person to whom you are speaking

They are no longer listening, no matter how brilliant your comments are.

2. Are doing all of the talking and no one else is participating in the "conversation."

This is when you become a bore and a boor.

3. Know the other person has no regard for what you are saying

Don't waste your time or theirs.

4. Are damaging your relationship by what you are saying

Sometimes you have to say unpleasant things to others, but stop until you can say it in a better way.

5. Keep talking about things that are inconsequential or unimportant to others

For example, when you discuss the latest standings in the NBA with me.

6. Start to use sarcasm

Sarcasm is the language of arrogance and condescension.

7. Are expressing an opinion on something you know little or nothing about.

Questioning would be more appropriate

8. Realize that being right is not as important as being right with the person to whom you are speaking.

Relationships are always more important than being right.

9. Use inflammatory language

The politician you are discussing is not an idiot, even if you strongly disagree with his/her philosophy.

10. Realize that the other person in the conversation is an egotist

The proud are terrible conversationalists since they prefer to lecture and mock rather than discuss.

11. Resort to demeaning the other person rather than focusing on the topic

This is a sure indication that you do not have the ability to defend your opinion.

12. Lecture anyone for more than three minutes

After three minutes of talking, you have lost their attention and you are probably just repeating what you already said.

13. Are telling children something that their parents might not condone

You have the right to protect yourself and your property, but other than that, be very careful.

14. Become aware that everything you are saying is about yourself

No one wants to listen to a braggart.

15. Intend to say something, that doesn't have to be said, that could hurt someone else's feelings.

Just because you think it, doesn't mean that it has to be spoken.

The ability to say the right thing at the right time is an important talent. The ability to know when to shut up and do it is probably more important.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Roger Allred's blog. It has been republished here with permission.

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Money will be a powerful force in the lives of our children. They will not intuitively know how to handle it. Parents have the responsibility to teach these basic money management lessons.

1. People are more important than cool stuff

It is not the one who has the most toys that is happiest. It is the person who has done the most with his or her life. Happiness cannot be measured in terms of dollars, as popular philosophy teaches. "Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." - Helen Keller

As the Bible says, "The love of money is the root of all evil." We need to teach to value others more than we value money and to use our money to show what we value.

2. Learn to delay gratification

If we want our children to be happy, we will help them understand this thought from Zig Ziglar, "The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want right now." That warning applies to more than just money.

Children typically want to spend money as soon as they get it. We must teach that money can often provide instant gratification, but that gratification leads to regret when they don't have the cash to buy something that they want even more.

3. There is a difference between needs and wants

If children are so coddled that they believe that all of their "wants" are "needs," we have created an insatiable beast. Some adults also have this problem and they usually end up in bankruptcy court.

When spoiled children get everything they want, they usually become ungrateful for what they do receive. Ingratitude has its own set of problems. Eugene Hansen gave this wise instruction, "It has been said that the sin of ingratitude is more serious than the sin of revenge. With revenge, we return evil for evil, but with ingratitude, we return evil for good."

4. An allowance is not payment for doing household chores

Giving the children an allowance is a good way to teach money management. It also frees the parent from being constantly used as the kids private ATM. You give them an allowance and then tell them to live within their means - a lesson that many never learn.

Since the parents provide the necessities of life and most of the wants of their children, children must be required to do something for the privilege of being pampered. If you pay your kids to do their chores, you are setting yourself up for labor slowdowns and strikes. You don't want to have to negotiate with a child about whether he should pick up the family room, even if it is his baby sister's stuff.

5. Save money for improvement and opportunity

Hopefully, our children will want an education to prepare to take care of themselves. They should also want to prepare for marriage and having children of their own. They must begin when they are young to save for these and other significant events so that they will see the value of these goals.

Children can be taught how to budget by keeping a spending log. The spending log documents all the money they receive and where they spend their money. This spending log will provide a basis for creating a budget. Budgeting is a critical tool and practice in becoming a responsible adult.

6. Comparison shop

Learning how to shop is nearly as important as learning how to make money. You can't fill a sieve with water and you can't earn more money than you can spend.

Children should be taught how to evaluate the options. They need to distinguish between quality products and shoddy workmanship that appeals to the eye but doesn't last. They also must understand quantity discounts and the relative value of generic products.

7. Use credit wisely

Credit cards are not money. Just because we have checks doesn't mean we have money. Just because we can qualify for a loan doesn't mean we should borrow. Borrowing for a house or an education might make sense. Every other kind of debt should be avoided, if at all possible.

Buy only what we can afford. Pay the credit card bill completely every month. Let the kids know that staying out of debt, especially credit card debt, is very important to you.

8. You can't have everything

Everyone must set priorities because no one can have everything. Buy necessities, including insurance, and save a portion for luxuries and unforeseen expenses. No one knows what the future holds, but we must do our best to prepare for it.

Kids must understand that an automobile is the ultimate money eater. Almost every teenager has found a "great deal' on a used car. They have the money to buy the car but they don't even think of the cost of gas, insurance, repairs, etc. Many have purchased a car only to become its slave. They neglect school, church and other responsibilities because they have to work to pay for the addiction. Cars are big tin holes you throw your money into.

9. Help others

Starting at an early age, children must know that you use some of your money to help others. Talk to them about paying tithing to your church, supporting the homeless center or helping a relative who lost his/her job. Being charitable is the best way to overcome selfishness.

10. Learn the basics of economics

Help your kids understand the fundamentals of capitalism, socialism and taxation, the pros and cons of big government, and the law of supply and demand. Without understanding these concepts, our children will be wrongly influenced by those who have never had to make a profit, be accountable for a budget, or live within their means, and that money can corrupt people and organizations.

Since money influences almost every aspect of our lives, parents must be cautious about how important money is to them, how they react when the money is in short supply and how they spend the money they have. As you contemplate your child's future, think about the words of Alexander Graham Bell, "Before anything else, preparation is the key to success."

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Roger Allred's blog. It has been republished here with permission.

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Many say, "Money is the root of all evil." On the other hand, Mark Twain said, "The lack of money is the root of all evil." While each statement has its arguments, the apostle Paul is more accurate, "The love of money is the root of all evil." The love of money leads to selfishness, pride and defiance.

Money matters because it influences almost every aspect of our lives; therefore, it is imperative that we distinguish when money is a curse or a blessing.

Money is a curse when it "¦

1. Is used just to buy a lot of cool stuff

The philosophy that "The one who dies with the most toys, wins," naturally separates us from others because, in this selfish state, we obsess about things rather than enjoying people. The American Bar Association has determined that arguments over money are the most common cause of divorce in the United States. Cool stuff will never be as fulfilling as loving relationships.

2. Is used to impress others

A desire for conspicuous consumption sells a lot of houses and fancy cars. The downside is that impressing others is a phantom that cannot be captured, no matter how much money is wasted. Parents must be cautious about how important money is to them, how they react when the money is in short supply and how they spend the money they have. As my wife wrote, "Live where you are comfortable. We could have moved to a country club neighborhood one time. I said, 'Not until we can keep up with the Jones.' I don't want our kids to feel like they are playing catch up."

3. Gives you power to boss around other people

It is the nature and disposition of almost all people that when they get a little authority; they want to control others around them. It is a test of one's integrity to have the wealth or position to impose your will and opinions on others but choose to be collaborative. Using money to stroke an ego reinforces arrogance and is damaging to any relationship. It also gives the person a false sense of importance.

4. Makes you think you can do whatever you want

How to properly handle money is not intuitive. Watching the personal failures of suddenly-rich pop stars and athletes is proof. No one can have everything and no one is above the law. Some rich people get more consideration than they deserve, but it eventually catches up with them, often with tragic consequences.

5. Allows you to live a life a drugs, sex and rock and roll

A lifestyle of unconstrained excess is almost impossible to maintain and makes it absolutely impossible to achieve fulfillment as a person. No one knows what the future holds but history shows that hedonism always ends badly -the money runs out, illness and accidents occur or the aging process catches up. When any of these happens, the person who had lived "to party" is just another empty shell of someone who could have achieved success and happiness.

Money is a blessing when it "¦

1. Provides a roof over your head

In 1942, Abraham Maslow established what he called the Hierarchy of Needs. Based on his studies of accomplished people, he established that physical safety is needed before people can focus on higher achievements. Money frees up time and concentration so individuals can develop to the full extent of their potential.

2. Feeds and clothes your family

Everyone wants to have the basic necessities and some of the luxuries of life. Money can solve a multitude of annoying problems that can impede other worthy pursuits. It makes day-to-day living more enjoyable for everyone.

3. Increases access to education

There is an abundance of evidence that education increases earning power and promotes an appreciation for the diversity of people and philosophies. These are all blessings to those who take advantage of opportunities for learning. The potential downside is succumbing to intellectualism, an arrogance that can corrode clear thinking.

4. Expands your sphere of influence for good

A good person that has money can improve the lives of many people. Money also influences politics and politicians, and can be beneficial as long as politicians are not allowed to be compassionate by spending other people's money on their pet projects. The actions of good people and good politicians can help create better lives for individuals and a better civilization.

5. Gives the means to help others in need

Helping others is a fundamental principal of Christianity and of all worthy religion. There is real joy in rendering service. Making monetary contributions to good causes is commendable, but the measure of a man/woman is not how much money is donated. It is how much service is given and how others are treated. Money allows people more time to do good. Some examples are; helping at an elementary school, taking dinner to the sick, paying attention to those who need to talk, serving in the local government, etc. We also need to be in tune with God so we will be guided to take care of those who truly need our help, including those we meet on the street.

There must be a distinction made between loving money for selfish reasons and using money to do good. Money does not have a personality of its own. Its use can help or hurt people; do wonderful or horrendous things. The same dollar bill can cause a murder or help the needy; it can care for the ill or buy addicting drugs; it can bring people to God or cause nations to go to war.

Money matters because our happiness can be enhanced or destroyed by how we honor it. The secret is that we value others more than we value money and we use our money to show what we value.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Roger Allred's blog. It has been republished here with permission.

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Child rearing is relatively intuitive for those who want to be a good parent, once we get past our selfishness and ego. This means that child rearing books are usually not necessary because generations of good parents have raised well-adjusted and good children without them. I am a CPA by training so you will not find any psychological theory in this article, but you will find what has seemed to work for the nine children that my wife and I have raised.

Every one of us is unique. Methods that help one child might not help the next. Therefore, the wise parent will listen to other's ideas and decide what is best for each individual child.

The Greek philosopher Epictetus said, "We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak." This is truly wise counsel when raising children. It's not easy but it is essential.

These are five important reasons to listen to our kids:

1. It shows them that they are loved

Time invested in our children when they are in their early teens will yield dividends for their entire lives. When you listen, it shows your children how much you value them and their opinions. Take time to hold and kiss your children and tell them that you love them. Love in words and in actions. Even teenagers need to be hugged, whether they admit it or not. This is particularly important when disciplining is necessary.

2. Sometimes they just need to vent

There are plenty of causes of stress in children's lives. The home should be the shock-absorber, not the shock-creator in life. Children must know that they are safe sharing problems with their parents. As much as possible, control your temper, control your tone, control your preaching and allow them to blow off steam. When they settle down, you can respond honestly and share facts and your feelings.

3. Given enough time, they can usually solve their own problems

The best way for children to grow up and take responsibility for their actions and for their own mental health is for them to evaluate and solve their own problems. Good parents are good sounding boards. Ask questions. Never say, "You always"¦," or "You never"¦," because exaggerations undermine your credibility. Give them enough time to come to their own solutions.

4. Sometimes, they will reveal issues that are very important to know

If you listen well, you will learn what is bothering your kids. You want to know these things. Allowing my kids to explain themselves fully, has saved me many times from saying the wrong thing and given me needed information. Even if there is a serious problem, it is better to know the full extent of the problem before looking for solutions. Think before responding and reinforce your love for them before you share the harsh realities of consequences.

5. It is the best way to know what kind of people they are becoming

You can only know what is going on in their head if they tell you. You can assume that you know, but you don't. You want to develop a relationship with them that will last so, admit when you are wrong, show them how important they are, use humor to make the situation less tense and praise them every time you can, without artificial flattery.

My nine kids will assure you that I am a very imperfect parent, but I tried. Even as badly as I behaved at times, our ninth child wrote this after she graduated from high school, "I knew I could tell Dad anything. I knew that although Dad didn't particularly care who was dating who in my choir class, he would always be there to listen. He may have rolled his eyes or laughed at my stories, but I knew he was listening and really cared what I had to say."

Relationships that last into adulthood are built on having serious conversations with our children when they know we are listening, that we love them, and that we are considerate of their opinions. Listen.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Roger Allred's blog. It has been republished here with permission.

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Pygmalion was a sculptor in Greek mythology who fell in love with a statue he had carved. The ivory statue was transformed into a human being by the goddess Athena to be Pygmalion's wife.

The award winning Broadway play and film, "My Fair Lady," was based on the play Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw. In "My Fair Lady," a girl from the gutter is transformed into a princess by Henry Higgins, a professor of phonetics. This transformation was not magic. It was a transformation of how she saw herself and others saw her based on the way she spoke. As professor Henry Higgins sings, "An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him."

Whether we like it or not, the same is true today. When you begin to speak, you are classifying yourself, creating your own label. Your speech is your personal advertisement of how you want others to see you. It might not be totally accurate but it is the billboard of yourself that you have erected.

Even in our society where there seems to be nothing sacred and where moral boundaries are quickly eroding, crude and vulgar language is still a sign of who you are. Regardless of your title, profanity damages your authority and reputation.

If it takes profanity to make your point, then you are unable to express yourself adequately. If you don't have a feeble mind, then you are using profanity because you lack the cultural, legal or charismatic authority to persuade others.

The following are five legitimate reasons why the use of crude or vulgar language by bosses, parents, coaches, foremen, etc. degrades your leadership.

1. Crudeness is often associated the unlearned and uncultured

You might have many advanced degrees but when you use profanity, you are classified with those who speak as if a swear word is the only adjective they know. Some say that profanity is normal language for those in certain types of jobs. If you aspire to be more that "just one of the boys," speak like a man or woman of distinction.

2. Using filthy language shows a lack of respect for oneself and all who are within earshot.

It makes others uncomfortable to be subjected to such a display of boorishness. People try to protect their children from profanity because they desire to protect their children's innocence and virtue. Virtue in adults is just as valuable and no one deserves to be assaulted with bad language.

3. Swearing is a sign of aggressiveness

Otherwise dignified people will launch into profanity when they are angry. In the workplace, this type of behavior could be cause for termination for an employee, or a lawsuit if it is a boss who is creating a hostile work environment. Such aggressive behavior is not motivating at work, on the ball field or in the home.

4. Profanity is not the sign of someone who is in control of him/her self

It is juvenile and it is what juveniles do to show that they do not have to follow rules. One of my favorite shows is "The Profit," with Marcus Lemonis. Mr. Lemonis shows his remarkable talent helping businesses to succeed using his formula of "People, Process and Product." My only criticism of his method is that when he is in a confrontational situation, he reverts to the use of profanity to make his point. This is not a good process to use with people to sell a product. Self-control is always the best way to deal with others.

5. Taking the name of God in vain is offensive to God and others who worship Him

It is obvious that Americans are not very concerned about offending God. Even though many believe in the Ten Commandments, they ignore the commandment that prohibits taking the name of the Lord in vain. In today's society, no one would use the N-word in polite society but using the name of God in vain is as commonplace as saying "lettuce." Let me be very clear, taking the name of God is vain is offensive to God and to those who worship Him.

The way you speak classifies you. By elevating your language and avoiding profanity, you transform yourself as a boss, a parent, a coach or a foreman. You will have more respect for yourself and those you lead will have more respect for you. You label yourself as a better person.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on Roger Allred's blog. It has been republished here with permission.

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