Whether we realize it or not, people are constantly saying negative things about us, either to our faces or behind our backs.

My son, Casey, had a bad experience last week at recess when a boy picked on him. The boy was getting in my son's face telling him what an awful basketball player he was. The boy was mean and condescending. It hurt Casey's feelings. When Casey told me about it, he said he knew what the boy said wasn't true, but I heard a tinge of doubt in my son's voice.

So, how do we know if a disapproving comment made to us about our skills, talents, character, etc. is true? How do we know if we should take the words to heart, change who we are or shake it off?

I think the easiest way to know is by following the "WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, HOW, WHY" method:

WHO is the one making the comments about you?

Is it someone who knows you well, who cares about you and who you trust? Or, is it someone who generally doesn't speak to you or get along with you?

Sometimes answering the WHO is tricky because even the people who are supposed to love and care about us the most can say things that aren't true.

Another important thing to consider is WHO else has said these things about you. Was it just this person, or are there others? Has anyone you trust told you the opposite?

In my son's basketball situation, two of his close friends comforted Casey by saying they thought he plays great and his basketball skills had greatly improved during the past year.

WHAT is the person saying?

Is the person using words like alwaysand never? Are they using words that tear down or lift up? Are they saying things you already know or suspect are true or things you have never thought about before?

The WHAT is also tricky because, when under extreme stress or sadness, even the kindest people can say hurtful things. It can also be difficult to determine because sometimes we are unaware of our own downfalls, weaknesses and bad habits.

So, let's keep thinking ...

WHEN is the person talking to you?

Is it during a fight, or is it when you are speaking calmly to each other? Knowing the WHEN can help you determine if what the person said was rational or just based on heightened emotions.

Also, think about how many times a person has said the same thing to you. If someone we love says something multiple times in different occasions, often there is truth to it. In those cases, even though they may have said it calmly the first couple of times, don't be surprised if that calm becomes irritation or anger.

WHERE are you when the person says these comments?

Are you in public where everyone can hear, or are you in private where discretion is appropriate? Sincere compliments are often quite appropriate to be said in public settings, but criticism is normally best said in private. So, thinking of the WHERE can help you determine if the person is trying to help you or hurt you.

HOW is the person making these comments?

Are they angry and irrational, or are they trying to be objective and helpful? Is the person in your face and yelling or calm and focused? Are they engaged in the conversation, giving you eye contact? How is their inflection? Are they frowning, smiling, scowling, laughing?

Someone who really wants to help you will act a certain way. I think you can guess how.

WHY did the person make this comment?

Answering the WHY is perhaps the hardest of all because it is something we often have to figure out on our own. We must base the WHY on past interactions with the person and on the answers to the other questions above.

Since there are some cases when criticism is positive and necessary for personal growth, then there must be people who offer it with the best intentions. The people who truly love us want to help us be the best we can be. So, in appropriate moments, they may gently mention opportunities for improvement.

On the other hand, someone who doesn't care about your best interests doesn't care if they hurt your feelings or if what they are saying is even true.

A person may be saying certain things because they are envious of you, they have been treated similarly by others, they are insecure or unhappy in their own skin, or they may even have a mental illness and cannot control all they say.

I went through a time in my life when the person who was supposed to love me the most treated me the worst. I was often called worthless and unimportant. Was it true? To him, perhaps. To me? Well, it ate at me, and even though in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't true, I couldn't believe that someone who loved me would talk to me that way. There must have been a WHY. For this person, I believe part of it was self-inflicted shame because of harmful choices he was making and hiding from me.

Answering the WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE and HOW helps you know if what someone is saying is worth holding on to, but the WHY helps you understand. The WHY allows you to have compassion for that person - enough compassion to forgive and move forward.

Doesn't all this seem obvious? Yet, but it isn't. I have spoken to many people who are damaged, seemingly beyond repair, because of often-repeated hateful attacks on their character, talents, education, relationships and lifestyle. Even when they know that something isn't true, hearing it makes them doubt themselves and fear that it could be.

If you are one of these people, know you are doing better than you think you are and certainly better than how those who verbally abuse you make you feel.

Every person on this earth is a loved child of God. We all have that going for us. Jesus died for us all. Nobody is better than anybody else.

Let us all try to be humble and see our own weaknesses clearly before we point out others'. If we do point out others' faults, let us do it appropriately: in love and gentleness, with a true desire to bless others' lives.

The post How to know if what someone says about you is true appeared first on FamilyToday.

I have been thinking a lot about gifts this Christmas season. After all, that is the first thing many of us do once Thanksgiving comes to a close-frantically start looking for gifts to buy our loved ones. We spend the month of December shopping, buying, wrapping and often stressing.

Still, it feels good to receive gifts because it shows people love, care about, and appreciate us. It feels good giving gifts too, whether to our children, spouses, extended family, teachers or friends. Giving to the poor is also incredibly rewarding. Knowing you can help bring the necessities of life to someone helps you understand their struggles, learn to love them and realize just how blessed you really are.

Have you wondered why we give gifts at Christmas? In the past, I always attributed it to the three wise men who gave the young Jesus gold, frankincense and myrrh.

Some of us give gifts because that is what everyone talks about in December. That is what the stores tell us to do, and that is what kids expect Santa to bring.

Regardless of why we personally choose to give Christmas gifts, we put a lot of effort into making or buying them.

For some of us, we use the time leading up to Christmas as a way to scare our kids into being good. Do we ever tell our kids they will only get their gifts and Santa will only come if they are good? Do we tell them they have to earn their gifts-that they have to deserve them?

I'll admit I have often done this in the past, and it usually works, at least for a minute. I saw a quote once, though, that stopped me in my tracks. In essence it said we don't give gifts to our children because they deserve them but because we love them.

It pierced my heart to read that. Telling my kids they don't deserve gifts is like telling them they don't deserve my love.

Anything my kids do wrong, I probably do something else just as wrong. I am not any more deserving of their love than they are of mine, yet we love each other anyway.

What is even more humbling is even though you and I and everyone are imperfect and do things that aren't right, we are always loved by the greatest of us all.

"Your Heavenly Father loves you-each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account," said religious leader Thomas Monson. "It is not changed by your talents and abilities. It is simply there. It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God's love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there."

And the Bible says, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life (John 3:16).

So, why do we give gifts at Christmas? It isn't because of the wise men or Santa. It is because Heavenly Father gave us each His son. Jesus was the first Christmas gift.

We may go through some years when we can't afford to buy gifts for our children and other loved ones. This can be hard and sad, but the truest most everlasting joy and cheer comes from remembering that little baby who was born in a stable and laid in a manger.

That baby grew up to teach a higher law; set an example of love, forgiveness, hope, service and selflessness; suffer for the sins and pains of all mankind; die a painful death on the cross; and rise again glorious on the third day. Jesus lives in Heaven with His and our Father.

They love each of us unconditionally. They smile when we smile and weep when we weep. Jesus is always our friend. He knows how we feel. He wants to bless us. He wants us to come back to Him, and He has shown us how.

We may not always have tangible gifts tied with pretty paper and ribbons, but we will always have the gift of Jesus. He will bring us life if we follow Him.

The post Worrying about last-minute gifts for Christmas? You’ll want to read this. appeared first on FamilyToday.

"Mommy, why is my last name different than yours? I want your last name!" My son, Casey, was only four when his little voice trembled out those piercing words. He and I had shared the same last name his whole life. It had just been me and him since before he was one year old. I had recently remarried, so my last name was different. And now, I was going to have a baby who would have my new last name. I wanted to cry with Casey, simply because he was sad.

That was six years ago, and I have done all I can to make sure he has no reason to cry over his last name again by making sure I do these simple things:

Encouraging him to cherish his last name

That was the first step - helping him see that his last name was wonderful. No, it wasn't my last name, but with a name comes a legacy going back generations. By holding onto his last name, he would be showing pride in his rich heritage, and extending love and appreciation for not only his father, but his father's extended family.

Showing him love daily

I think it hurt Casey a little when I got remarried. It was no longer just us. Then, when I had more children, he was no longer the only child. There are five of us in our household, and he has a different name than the rest of us. But, as I share my love, attention and devotion with him daily, having a different name will never make him feel less cherished or important.

Not asking him to pick sides

It isn't me against his dad. It never has been. I don't tell my son that he can't love, respect or have a relationship with his father. I don't tell him that I am a better parent, or place any blame or bitterness in his father's direction. I do not judge his dad, or speak ill of him to my child. Instead, we pray for him and his family. I always keep the mindset that his father is on the same team as me and my husband, and as all other family members working to help Casey have a happy life.

Letting him spend time with his dad

Casey's father lives far away, so he can't see him often. However, I encourage regular phone conversations. He also flies to see his dad and extended family each year for several weeks. I have had people tell me that I shouldn't have to do that because of the circumstances surrounding our divorce, but I feel very strongly that regardless of what happened in our marriage, Casey's dad will always be Casey's dad. They should have a relationship, and a strong one at that.

Being honest about the divorce

I did not do this when he was four, but about a year ago, I told my son why his father and I divorced. I didn't water it down, but I also didn't place blame or judgment. I encouraged my son to continue to have a strong, loving relationship with his dad. I told him to forgive him, pray for him and encourage him to change his life for the better. I told him I am not sad about the divorce anymore. Though I wish that Casey could always be near me and his dad, I know we are blessed and things have worked out well for us.

Blending our family in love

My husband of over five years is so wonderful to Casey. He always has been, and I knew he would be a wonderful father to him the first time they met. Casey doesn't refer to him as his stepdad, but as his Daddy. He has two dads, and that is cool. He also thinks of his half-brothers as his brothers. That's what they are to him. We are a family, and we love each other. There is no need to create those lines of division.

These artificial lines of division apply to me too. When I was first divorced, I thought it would be strange to continue having a relationship with my ex-husband's extended family. I was uncomfortable by the phone calls and gifts at first, but finally I realized that they hadn't abandoned me, and there was no rule that they had to. The fact that I wasn't married to their family member anymore, didn't all of a sudden erase the bond and love we had with each other. I still speak on the phone with my ex-husband often, and keep in contact with much of his extended family on social media and through occasional emails and phone calls. It is a good thing, and it helps.

It is safe to say that my 10-year-old has a very happy life. He has three family trees to call his own. He is loved and cherished by all of them. He knows that there is so much more to family than a name. He knows all families look different, but as long as we are there for each other, we can always feel that we belong and that we are safe.

*I fully recognize this model may not work in its entirety for everyone. I strongly believe, though, that doing as much of this as possible will help your child feel that he belongs, and that life in any family situation can be grand.

This article was originally published at Making Life a Bliss Complete. It has been republished here with permission.

The post Why I won’t let my son share my last name appeared first on FamilyToday.

When I was a young adult, moving into the marriage and family mindset, I had some ideas of what I would and wouldn't do as a parent.

I always figured my kids would stay up late sometimes and eat junk food on a regular basis. But, I never thought I would do or allow these things:

1. Let the kids eat food in the car or while walking around the house

To be fair, I don't prefer this, but sometimes the only way to keep kids happy on long car trips is to let them eat. And keeping the kids sitting at the table sometimes takes more energy than I have left for the day.

2. Eat and drink after the kids

Have you ever watched little kids eat? There is a lot of drool, double dipping and backwash going on. It is kind of gross. For some reason, though, when it is your kid, it isn't so gross. And, in my case, I hate wasting food. If my kids don't want to finish something yummy like ice cream or cake, you better believe I am finishing it up.

3. Take the kids places when they are in disarray

I used to judge the parents who took sticky and stained kids out in public. Now, I understand. Little kids don't let you clean them up well. Plus, it takes 30 minutes just getting them ready to get out of the house. Sometimes you don't have that kind of time. And shoes? Well, sometimes I assume my husband put them on, and sometimes he assumes I did, and well, sometimes neither of us did it. They'll be fine.

4. Let them make huge messes

I don't do this often, but sometimes I allow the kids to do messy, chaotic things because I know it will be a memory we will all laugh at later in life. I used to stop them and get mad. Now, I see the joy in their faces, and I recognize the bonds they create as they spray each other with the hose, throw rice in the air or paint themselves instead of a picture.

5. Make contact with my kids' snot and boogers

Sometimes, your kids need a tissue, and you just don't have it. More than once, my fingers have been used to swipe away snot and pick out big boogers.

I know, gross. Well, other times my little ones are really sad, and they want to snuggle and give me kisses when they have snot running down their faces. Do I push them away? I couldn't do that, so I go ahead and kiss their snotty faces and let them wipe the rest on my sleeve.

6. Roughhouse with them

I always thought this would be their dad's job. Itis when Daddy's home, but my three boys want to wrestle, ride on shoulders and swing around just as much when Daddyisn't home. My shoulders, arms, legs and back are much stronger than they would be without my boys.

7. Let them sleep with my husband and me

The kids never start out in bed with us. Yet, on some nights they wake up in the middle of the night. The little ones always come to our room for comfort. We are usually way too tired to sing to them, talk to them, get them stuff or put them back to bed. So, we usually hoist them up and lay them between us. Only when they start kicking us, rolling on top of us or smacking us do we put them back in their rooms.

8. Give in to their cuteness

In our house, we have rules that we try to enforce. It is much easier to enforce these rules when the kids are school-aged. When they are little, though, they are still so adorable. I usually can see past it, but my husband is a sucker for their little eyes, smiles and pouts. Many times, I give in because he does. I am ashamed to say I even go so far as to laugh when I am reprimanding them just because they are so adorable.

9. Be the disciplinarian

I don't give in as easily as my husband. I have always been a rule follower, so I expect my kids to do the same. I am not always proud of how I discipline, but I see this as a growing opportunity to help me control my temper and be gentler.

10. Talk about uncomfortable things in great detail

I have two little ones, but I also have an older child. I have talked to him about many serious issues in great detail like sex, pornography, puberty, bullying, among other things. Though some of these things can be uncomfortable to talk about, I have realized that as I educate my child about these important issues before outside forces do, he is better prepared for what will come up outside of the home.

At the end of the day, are my kids healthy and happy? Are they educated, loved and looked after? Yes! So, it is just fine with me that I am a different kind of parent than I thought I would be.

The post 10 things I thought I would never do as a parent until I became one appeared first on FamilyToday.

I would be making an unrighteous judgment if I said that all Christians are habitually judgmental. However, based on hundreds of social media comments I have read lately, there are way too many hateful things being said by Christians without any thought for how they will hurt others' self-esteem and their views of Christianity.

The judgments go towards nonbelievers and their "worldly" views and practices, but also overwhelmingly extend to fellow Christians with differing views.

As Christians, we need to make sure we practice what we preach and be like the man we cherish as our Savior and Redeemer. To do this, we must recognize the views that lead to unrighteous judgments:

1. We strongly believe we are right, so thus, everyone else must be wrong.

2. We think we know what a good Christian is and define others by our own definitions.

3. We believe what our spiritual leaders tell us about other faiths and see no reason to find out for ourselves.

4. We judge people, organizations, and religions based on tidbits of information rather than on the whole picture.

5. We think that Jesus loves us more than others because we follow Him.

6. We are afraid of the "world," and are quick to condemn anything we believe is worldly.

Pride, ignorance, and fear will continue to drive us to division with our fellow Christians, and the rest of the world, unless we strive to do these things:

1. Recognize and respect that there are wide ranges of moral beliefs in this world. Christians don't all hold the same beliefs because of different translations of the Bible, leading to varying doctrines and practices. There are also people of many different faiths, and people who hold no faith. They all have their own moral compasses and are doing the best they can based on what they know.

2. Cease making our own definitions of what a good Christian is, and leave that to Christ. None of us lives our religion perfectly.

3. Question demeaning things spiritual leaders, parents or friends say about other religions, denominations and groups of people. Find out if it is true.
   When I was a high school freshman, we studied different Christian religions. A boy in my history class raised his hand when the discussion came to a particular denomination. He said that those people weren't Christians, providing a reason he believed to be true. I knew it was false, though, because he was talking about my denomination. He didn't know I was of that faith, but his comment really hurt me. It is sad that he was so misinformed about my religion to judge it in such a harsh way.

4. Do the research at the source to come to our own unbiased conclusions when we want to learn more about a religion or group.
   Several years ago, I dated a man who was as religious as I was but worshiped in a different church. We had many conversations about faith. I realized after a while, he was starting to make accusations against my faith - things that were sometimes very random, but always very cynical in nature. I later realized that he had been researching my religion by studying websites specifically created to denounce it. Though, after study and prayerful consideration, I was able to confirm the untruths, it affected me very deeply. Had he studied my faith from the source, much hurt could have been avoided and understanding increased.

5. Realize that we only see the tip of the iceberg. Even if we are aware of behaviors of others that aren't good, we don't know the struggles they go through or the goodness that they have within them. We can't judge on one thing that we see. Only God knows a person completely.

6. Remember that God is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34). This means that He loves each of His children equally and wishes for all of us to partake of His goodness, peace, and salvation.

7. Focus on our own faults, and how we can improve, rather than focusing on the faults of others. The Lord taught that we must take the beam out of our own eyes before telling our brother to take the mote out of his, else we be hypocrites (Matthew 7:2-5).

8. Refuse to judge according to appearance, but instead judge a righteous, or true judgment (John 7:24), based on mercy and compassion (Zechariah 7:9). After carefully analyzing facts and situations, we can come to a righteous judgment. Sometimes, we may conclude that for our well-being, we need to distance ourselves from certain people or groups. However, we should always allow for second chances.
   Once, when I was a teenager riding the bus after school, my friend and I started talking about religion. I told him mine, and he told me his. He told me that in his parents didn't allow him to speak to anyone in my religion, but that he would continue to be my friend anyway because I was so nice. As an adult, I can now see just what a wonderful example he was of righteous judgment. I am grateful that he came to his conclusions based on my character and saw past a rule he didn't feel good about.

9. Befriend those around us who are hard to love. By doing so, we will gain better understanding, and also find things we love about them.

10. Try to see the good in all people. We are all trying to do our best with the knowledge and experience we have. We should encourage, not bully, and love, rather than judge.

Fellow Christians, let's think more carefully before we post on social media. The best form of persuasion comes from true knowledge and compassion, not bashing or accusing.

I know that Jesus Christ would want us to be united in His army, and to remember that we are allies and not enemies. We have Him in common, and that should be enough.

The post We know better, so let’s do better appeared first on FamilyToday.

Sometimes relationships go terribly south.

If this happened to you, you're probably wondering who's to blame. Truth be told, though fault is usually shared, it may not have been shared equally...

Reflect on these characteristics of a devoted partner to see how you influenced your relationship - for better or for worse.

1. Did you show affection in word and in deed?

Did you say "I love you," kiss, hug and hold hands? Were you thoughtful, making holidays and occasions special? Did you spend quality time with your partner, doing a lot of laughing, having fun, reminiscing about why you fell in love, and telling your sweetheart often what you love about her? Did you share your dreams for your future together?

Without this tender affection, romantic sparks totally go out.

2. Were you loyal?

Loyal partners do not participate in anything outside the relationship that would arouse lust. They do not flirt with anyone else. They are upfront and honest with their partners about what they do every day. When things are hard, a loyal partner sticks by the one he loves and avoids going to someone (or something) else for comfort.

Remember, once trust is broken, it can only be rebuilt with change.

3. Did you communicate with love, patience and respect?

Did you work to encourage and uplift rather than nag or criticize? Did you give compliments and show praise every day, speaking kindly of your partner to your friends and family?

Successful couples express their thoughts, feelings and concerns without yelling, fighting or calling names. When they falter, they sincerely apologize, stating what's bothering them rather than turning inward and disconnecting.

Pride should never be more important than your love.

4. Did you value your partner's thoughts, feelings and interests?

A lasting couple makes decisions by carefully considering how their decisions will affect each other. They respect their partner's opinions - even more so than the opinions of parents and friends. They listen and validate.

A good partner offers comfort in times of sadness, support in times of struggle, and praise when her partner succeeds. Did you truly appreciate the talents, skills and hobbies of your partner, trying to learn from him? Were you unselfish, putting your partner's needs before your own?

The best way to make a person feel loved is to sit with him, listen to him, hug him and tell him you love him.

5. Were you able to be happy without your partner?

A good partner does not base her feelings of self-worth on whether or not she is in a relationship. Were you able to feel confident, fulfilled and happy when you were away from your partner, or did you feel insecure and worried when you could not talk to or see him often? Did you love yourself, confident in the knowledge that you are special, you are loved, and that you have so much to offer?

Clinginess kills relationships. Remember that your partner needs personal time - and your trust.

6. Did you do your best to be a good person?

A good partner chooses his friends carefully. He associates with honest, unselfish, loyal people who don't break the law or play with hearts. He does not entertain harmful addictions. When he makes commitments, he keeps them. He works hard, humbly recognizing his own strengths and weaknesses while constantly working to refine himself.

Remember, one who has an addiction (of any kind) loses freedom over his own thoughts, emotions or actions, causing irrationality, dishonesty and lack of productivity.

7. Did you love God and put him first?

Lasting couples know who their creator is and want to please him. They strive to show God they love him (and others) by keeping his commandments. They make time to pray, remembering all the blessings God has given them. They are a light to others, serving others with love.

When a couple strives to put God first, they become more patient, loving and service-oriented. A person who strives for spiritual cleanliness is much better suited for a healthy relationship.

Nobody is perfect, and you won't do all these things perfectly all the time; however, if your relationship has taken a dark turn for the worse, reflect carefully on the part you are playing. Do the very best you can before you consider ending the relationship.

The post 7 clues that your terrible relationship could be your fault appeared first on FamilyToday.

It is hard to know when you should date after a divorce. I was 21 years old and a recent college graduate, trying to raise my baby boy. I had just moved across the country to a place I had never been. For me, whether I was ready or not, the first thing I wanted to do was date.

Everyone who divorces has a different story, but most of us share feelings of failure, fear and desperation. We are trying to fill the void in our hearts caused by losing our spouse. While change is difficult, dating when you aren't ready can make things even more challenging.

I wish I had known then what I realize now about dating after a divorce. I know that I would have avoided tears, frustration, and a few heartbreaks. There is not a cookie cutter rule on when you should start dating again. The goal is for you to have healthy and happy dating relationships, but no one but you can say when that will be. However, you can get an idea of where you stand by answering "yes" to these eight questions:

1. Do I live each day without wallowing in self-pity?

If you spend most of your time weeping about all that has happened to you and can't imagine moving on, you are not ready to date again. Divorce is horrible, I know. And it is okay to cry sometimes. But if you can't see hope, dating will not help you find it.

2. Have I moved on from my ex?

If you are still in love with your ex, you will probably compare everyone you date to him or her. It will be impossible to find anyone who is good for you if you are only dating to compare. Stop measuring every date against your former spouse and treat dating as a fresh start.

If you aren't over your ex, you may also find yourself mentioning your ex one too many times which will push your date away. Take the time to be over your ex before you start dating again.

3. Am I ready to talk about my past?

When you are dating, at some point you will need to talk about your past. I remember when I was newly divorced, I was scared to death to tell any young man about it. I especially didn't want to tell my date that I also had a baby boy. I was afraid that no man would accept me because of my past. Sometimes I would hide it until it became impossible to continue dodging questions.

I realized that I needed to be ready to talk about my past. By the time I met my second husband, I was at a point where I could talk about my past almost right away. It went smoothly, and I didn't regret it.

4. Am I happy where I am now?

In my early divorced days, I thought I couldn't be happy unless I was remarried. Especially as a single mother, I wanted my life to be a certain way. I was engulfed with an urgency to date and get married. I am sure I came off as desperate.

Because I was so focused on wanting a life as a married woman, I missed out on some true friendships. I missed out on having fun and truly appreciating the joys and blessings that I still had in my life. Although this isn't what you thought your life would be like, you can learn to be happy in your situation.

5. Do I love myself?

If you don't love yourself, dating again can be a nightmare. You will feel like you have to keep secrets to maintain a perfect and unrealistic image of yourself. No matter how you hide it, low self-esteem shows and it isn't attractive. Take time to learn to love yourself. If you have self-confidence and know your inner-worth, you will be able to talk honestly, listen better, and smile radiantly. If you love yourself, you will still have your self-worth even if a new relationship doesn't work out.

6. Do I know what I want in a relationship?

Perhaps you were in a relationship where your spouse was selfish, or even abusive. Have you figured out what kinds of behaviors you want to avoid, and which qualities you want? Do you know what you really need to have a relationship that will last forever? It is a good thing to be picky if you are looking for life-long happiness, rather than another divorce.

7. Have I forgiven my ex?

It can take a long time to forgive your ex, especially if you felt that he or she was the main cause of your pain. I can testify of the great peace that comes from forgiveness, and how necessary it is. To find the right person for you, forgiveness must be a part of your process.

8. Would I want to date or be married to someone like me?

Though it would be nice if divorces were always your spouse's fault, most of the time both people share some of the responsibility. Are you in a place where you would be a loving, caring, and devoted spouse? Or would another relationship only end in more heartache? If you aren't as good as the person you want for yourself, it is time to improve.

Being divorced does not make you less of a human, or less worthy of love. I found a wonderful man who loves me, and cherishes our growing family. There is hope for all who have had the misfortune of divorce. Don't rush the process. Take the time to heal. You will have your chance at love once again. It is worth it to be patient to find someone who will be with you forever.

The post How long should I wait to date after my divorce? appeared first on FamilyToday.

This article was originally published on Making Life a Bliss Complete. It has been republished here with permission.

Nobody wants to be accused of being envious, especially when it is true.

I have often battled with this monster, and have often given in. My mind would be submerged in bitterness, inadequacy and irrationality.

It is next to impossible to be true friends with someone whose skills, talents, looks and achievements you envy.

Throughout my young life, my problems have lain mostly with envy of talent, popularity and praise. Growing up, the people I didn't like were the ones most like me — the ones with the same talents and hobbies. I found myself being angry if someone got asked to sing more than me, got more praise than I thought I got for similar achievements, was cast the part I wanted in the school play or got a better grade than me, even though I thought I had worked just as hard.

I sometimes still grapple with this in my adult life. As I have prayed for this weakness to be made a strength, I have received answers of how to wash the green away:

Be patient and understanding

If someone gets something before you, or does better than you at something, that person may have more experience, know the right people, have more time to work on it or have more resources. Perhaps God's will for them is not the same for you, or at least not right now.

Be genuinely happy for others, not jealous of their accomplishments

Most of the time, your friends and peers are not trying to hurt you when they succeed. You should not expect them to halt their dreams or accomplishments for your sake.

The grass isn't greener on the other side

Recognize that even if people seem to have it all (or at least what you want), there are many things they may not have, or are struggling with, that you don't know about. People aren't defined by one facet of their lives, nor do they get their entire fulfillment from one thing.

Wish others well

Remember that life has its ups and downs, and so have you. Maybe you are on the down side of the teeter totter right now, but you will be lifted up again in time. As you hope for your side to go up, never hope that someone else's side goes down. Someone else's fall will not lift you higher, nor will your envy.

Be grateful

Sit down and count your blessings. When all you do is think of what you don't have, you are missing out on the wonder that is your life. You may not have a fancy car, or a perfect relationship, but you have life. You have tremendously more than you even realize.

Trust in God

Pray to God every day and night that He will help you recognize your potential, your worth and your calling in life. Also make an effort to pray for those you envy. Pray that you can see their worth, and how they can play a positive role in your life. Ponder on what really matters in life. God doesn't care how beautiful you look a certain day, how much money you have or how many people know your name. That is what Satan wants you to think. No; the true test is how you learn to love others unconditionally - and overcoming envy will aid in that process.

Compliment others

Instead of ignoring those you envy, sincerely compliment and praise them. Ask for their advice on how to be better, and humbly request an honest opinion of your skills. This vulnerable interaction can help build a rewarding friendship. Also, being kind to and lifting others will make you happier in return.

Appreciate and love who you are

Life isn't meant to be a competition. You should only compare yourself to others to motivate you to be better than youare now, not to be better than someone else is right now. In fact, you may never have exactly what someone else has or do what someone else does, and that is OK. That doesn't mean you are less loved, less blessed or less valued.

Find joy in yourself. Love yourself. You are blessed with many individual gifts and talents. Use them to help others. As you focus on serving with what you do have, you will be blessed with more.

I can say from personal experience that this shade of green is not a good color on anyone. I can also say that freeing yourself of this suffocating weight can make all the difference in how you feel, how you think and how you act every day. You will feel wonderful and free. Take off the green.

The post It isn’t easy being green – with envy appeared first on FamilyToday.

When you lose a key, or your phone, or your kid's favorite teddy bear, what do you do?

1. You realize you have lost it and slightly panic.

2. You look around the immediate area.

3. If you don't see it there, you retrace your steps.

4. If you still can't find it, you ask other people, who may have seen it, to help you find it.

5. You look for as long as it takes because that item is essential to you.

6. If you don't find it after all that, you may feel defeated and sad. Then, and only then, do you even consider replacing what it was you lost.

Guess what? These same steps can be used when you lose your testimony of one or all aspects of your faith.

First, you will realize that something is missing. You don't feel that 'fire' like you used to. You find you have doubts - a lot of them. You wonder if you ever really knew God was real or that Jesus is your Savior or if certain books of scripture are true.

There are many options you can choose as you realize you have lost your faith, but the best option; the only option that will lead you to your end goal of finding your faith is to reflect on your life. Reflect on the blessings you have and on the goodness you see because of the faith you have lived by.

If you can't see that because you have been slowly detaching for a long time, you should retrace your steps, meaning look back upon your past. Think of special times that you exhibited faith, made a commitment to God, felt the Holy Spirit, felt a prayer answered. Perhaps you will want to write those things down.

You may question if your special spiritual experiences of the past were a hoax. Try to remember that each person on this earth, including you, has a conscience, an inherent goodness, and the light of Christ within. If you felt peace and joy in those moments, it wasn't a lie.

Perhaps, though, you really struggle believing that what you once felt was really right. That is when you can talk to others. You can talk to friends and family who do have their faith, and who can testify to you. Most importantly, you can, and should, commune with your Heavenly Father. Pour out your heart to Him earnestly, sincerely, and humbly. Ask for His guidance, for His love, for His spirit to rest upon you and envelop you. Ask Him to help you remember, and to confirm to you the truth you once knew.

You may lose heart if you try these things, and nothing helps you find your faith. Be patient. Keep searching. Read your scriptures, continue to pray, fast, and talk to those who will help lead you back to your faith, rather than push you away from it. Running away from what you lost will not help you find it. In fact, it most certainly guarantees you never will.

This method will work if you are willing to hear God's answer. If you already have your mind made up, you will never be able to hear His voice.

In most cases, step six, replacing your lost faith with something else, will not be a necessity as long as you take the first five steps very seriously and sacredly. However, if you have done all of the other steps with full purpose of heart, and you still don't find your faith, perhaps God is telling you there is more out there for you. Just remember that it is in God you must trust if you wish to find and nourish your faith once more.

To all of you who are confused and unable to find your way, there is hope, and you can get the answers you seek.

The post Faith is the key appeared first on FamilyToday.

Making Life a Bliss Complete. It has been republished here with permission._

We mothers endure some of the most intense pain we will ever go through as we bear our children. Yet, immediately after labor and delivery, we feel the most overwhelming joy we will ever feel as we hold our little angels from Heaven for the first time.

This duet of pain and joy doesn't end here, however. As they grow up, we see our children go through much pain. But what calms them down when they are upset? Our joyful cuddles. When they get hurt, what do they ask for? Our loving kisses. When they are bullied or forget their worth, who stands up for them and shows them how precious they are? We do.

Enduring pain with our children helps the entire family grow in love and understand true joy. As a family, we can do anything as long as we have each other.

Life always has ups and downs, but parenthood can help us see the cons in a more joyful light. Below are nine aspects of life that are enhanced by parenthood.

Cleanliness

If you're a parent with young kids, at the end of each day there are likely toys strewn all over the floor, crumbs comparable to the sands of the sea under the kitchen table, kids with stains on their clothes and faces, and an insurmountable pile of laundry on the couch.

But, we can choose to be grateful. Crumbs show our kids are fed. Toys strewn on the floor show they are having fun and using their imaginations. Finding our own belongings randomly about the house shows they are curious and want to be like us.

It is good to livein our houses; it is what makes them homes.

Physical Appearance

As parents, we don't have as much time to spend on our physical appearances.

But, look at the bright side- there will be less "freaking out" when our kids sneeze in our hair, wipe food on our sleeves, or splash us while getting a bath.

All joking aside, we can also find joy and gain humility in tryingto keep our kids dressed with clean hands and faces, wiped noses, and dry bums. When that doesn't happen, we can feel a gentle reminder that perfect joy is more important than looking perfect.

Privacy and Free Time

Going to the bathroom alone or eating a meal peacefully will never more be taken for granted.

But, the busyness of parenting gives us a chance to learn to multitask and to reflect on what is most precious in our lives: time with our families. Free time will come, but remember, time with our children always goes too fast.

Romance

We don't have as many opportunities for romantic dates and vacations with our spouses.

But, raising our children can help us discover new ways to keep love alive.

There will be moments when we look at our spouses and just smile adoringly as we see him or her loving, playing with, and teaching our children

Also, as we try to be better parents, we automatically become better spouses.

Sleep

We go to bed later and get up earlier. Often our sleep is interrupted.

But, we can pray for strength and energy. We find we don't need as much sleep as we used to, and we get more done. We also learn to never take a good night's rest for granted again.

Timeliness

Many of us are most impatient with our kids when we are in a hurry. It is a struggle to get anywhere on time, no matter when we start getting ready. We know that we should be more patient, compassionate, and gentle.

But, this is an avenue for us to develop these skills.

We realize that being a little late won't make the world end. We learn to care less about getting somewhere on time and more about how our kids react when life doesn't go as planned. The way we act in those situations is how they will act in those situations.

Noise

Peace and quiet hardly ever exist in a house with kids, so for our sanity we "get away" sometimes.

But, after we return, we embrace the noise with open arms having missed our children, even when we were gone for only a short time.

We learn that perhaps true peace comes from their presence-and not their absence-in our lives.

Budget

With kids come never-ending reasons to spend money. Sacrifices must be made.

But, being more budget-conscious helps us purge unneeded expenses.

Spending money suddenly becomes more rewarding when we pay for a field trip knowing our children will have fun and learn, purchase kids clothes enjoying how cute our littles are, or buy toys and books seeing anticipation light up their faces.

Food and Entertainment

We eat a lot of mac and cheese, watch Disney movies, read countless picture books, and plan most activities around our kids.

But, we soon learn that little else we would choose for ourselves would be as uplifting as what we experience now: our children on our laps, holding our hands, and perhaps happily sharing their food with us. Our greatest joy is ensuring our kids enjoy their childhoods.

Here's a quick list of more awesome pros to parenthood: Parents get

• more excuses to act like kids;

• the gift of seeing themselves in their children;

• more opportunities for laughter;

• the privilege of sharing their talents with their kids;

• to be surrounded by cuteness ALL the time;

• to receive and give more kisses;

• great "kids-say-the-darndest-things" stories to tell;

• endless reasons to be creative;

• joy in their seedlings' accomplishments;

• joy in the small things;

• to see little imaginations at work;

• special one-on-one parent-child dates;

• to observe their children grow in love towards one another;

• and-perhaps most importantly-divine purpose and ultimate joy in life's journey.

The post Parenthood: Change for the Harder but Always for the Better appeared first on FamilyToday.