"I am the expert on my kid."

This seems to be the de facto mantra of modern parenting. Of course you are. Of course you love your children and want the best possible life for them. You are worried about more tests, more homework and more students in your child's classroom. You are concerned about less recess, less qualified teachers and less individual attention for your child. You see a public school system that is struggling. You see moral decline and curriculum you disagree with. You read about dismal test results and worry about whether or not your child will be able to find a job.

As public teachers, we see it too.

In fact, as public school teachers, we see it every day and work countless hours, not for the pay or prestige, but for the welfare of other people's children. We work for the welfare of our nation.

So when it comes time to pick the best school for your child, you may feel confused, frustrated and overwhelmed. You'll ask yourself questions like: "Should we try that new charter school we've been hearing about?" "Maybe my child would be better off taking classes online?" "What about homeschooling? Is that the only option to guarantee that my child will receive the best possible education?"

Before you withdraw your kids from local public schools, here are three other questions that as a dedicated public high school educator, I want you to consider.

1. What scares you the most?

Is it the government that you don't trust? Is it the changing moral, cultural or intellectual values that you associate with the public school system?

I worry about the world that my one-year-old daughter will grow up in too. It's unfashionable and difficult to be different; to stand up for something that you believe in that's unpopular and politically incorrect.

I understand your desire for your children to learn in an environment that nurtures them. You want schools to support the values that are so important in your home and not the other way around.

Asking your child to take a stand in a public setting is asking a lot of our youngest citizens, but we live in a noisy world. It is nearly impossible to protect your child from the influencers in society and the political and moral opinions that you strongly disagree with. Since your children are going to be living in this world, and it's not likely to change anytime soon, isn't it better to teach them how to respectfully disagree?

2. What do you want your children to learn?

The basic premise of free, public education is that all children, regardless of their circumstances, can learn and should be given a fair chance at success.

Do you want your children to learn with kids from all over the world? Do you want your kids to see resilience despite the challenges of poverty, broken families and poor health? Or do you want your kids to leave when things get uncomfortable?

Do you want them to find a place where they will be challenged academically, but distanced from the real problems that neighbors in our communities are facing?

Public education has the potential to be both academically rigorous and compassionate towards all students.

3. Is leaving public education the best choice?

Is it the best choice to leave public education, or is it the best choice for your family?

I whole-heartedly agree that parents have the right to choose what is best for their family. There are circumstances where alternative education programs, charter schools, trade schools, online schools and home schools have produced amazing results in the lives of young people.

Public schools, despite our idealism, do not meet the needs of all kids. But for parents who are adamant that their child is exceptional, for whatever reason, I would ask you to think about standing by public education.

I ask for your help. We need parents that are involved and that care deeply about their children and their community. If you don't like what is happening in the public schools, then speak up. Volunteer. If you are already involved in the public schools, then thank you. Keep spreading the word about the great things that are happening there.

Opting out of public school and jumping ship to a charter school is not a long-term solution for our society. Sure I've had some objection to what the government has done with public schools, but I also have a hard time trusting brand new, homogenous schools that make big promises, have arbitrary acceptance policies and little public oversight.

I want my kid's school to reflect my community's rich diversity and cultural assets. I want my children to ask themselves how they can learn and help their school while meeting their own goals.

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Many of us have heard the inspiring stories surrounding the new Refugee Olympic Team. We have seen the viral posts on social media describing their acts of heroism and resilience.

While these athletes inspire us, we are also being blasted by increasing hostile voices and angry rhetoric directed towards Muslims and other refugees.

How can we take a stand against fear-mongering? Perhaps we should follow a path of empathy by listening to others' stories as if they were our own. We can ask ourselves, what if his/her story were mine?

I am an assistant to my husband, a professional translator, and have edited dozens of personal narratives. As part of the asylum process, our clients give written accounts to explain the reasons why they cannot return to their countries. I have read harrowing stories of children separated from parents, families threatened by terrorists and loved ones lost in ongoing conflict in the Middle East.

As a naturalized citizen himself, my husband has memories of growing up in Iraq making shadow puppets in a candle-lit shelter with nothing but boiled water for dinner. When we tell our daughter to look both ways before crossing the street, he hears his mother's voice warning him to watch out for car bombs as he played soccer in the street with the other neighborhood kids.

My friends and family have given me an insider's perspective on the current refugee crisis. Many Americans have had experiences similar to my husband's, but some might have to make more of an effort to get to know a refugee. Unless we take the time to talk to someone who has lived these experiences, we run the risk of becoming desensitized or overwhelmed by the global refugee crisis.

The numbers of refugees seeking asylum in our communities are increasing across the world. A quick online search can help you find a humanitarian or church organization hosting local events for refugees.

Keep an open mind as you hear refugees' stories. Reach out to people who can tell you about what it's really like to leave their homes and start over in new and unfamiliar places.

As refugees adjust to their new homes, do what you can to make them feel welcome and respected. Volunteer your time and abilities to refugees who could benefit from your particular skills. Many refugees are professionals themselves with valuable skills that would be an asset to any company. Be willing to hire refugees or help them to get work permits. Many are learning how to navigate the social systems and nuances of a new culture.

Let's do our part to make refugees feel safe and welcome as they embrace a new culture and a new way of life. Let's learn their stories and recognize their valuable contributions to our community.

The post One compelling reason why you should ask yourself, ‘What if I were a refugee?’ appeared first on FamilyToday.

"I'm sorry." It's a phrase I hear a lot as a teacher and former track coach. One young runner in particular would say she was sorry after every disappointing race. Week after week I could see this young woman's confidence crumbling before my eyes.

Women are well-known for apologizing often, regardless of whether or not the situation actually warrants an apology. According to researchers Karina Schumann and Michael Ross, when it comes to apologies, the biggest gender difference is that men tend to think that they have done fewer things that are wrong.

So how can women apologize in emotionally healthy ways? Here are three suggestions to keep in mind the next time you find yourself wanting to say you're sorry.

First, take responsiblity for your actions

...but don't apologize for others. Of course you should apologize when you have hurt someone, but apologizing too often for other people can potentially enable the bad habits of your loved ones. This is especially true with co-dependent parents or spouses. Blaming yourself or taking responsibility for other people's misbehavior can lead to harbored resentment and fragile, entitled children.

Second, be thoughtful

...but not overly anxious. Women tend to worry more about whether they have offended others. People who apologize more often are also more likely judge and criticize. Instead of worrying about how you look or what to say at the next social gathering, be the first one to compliment the other guests. Ask polite questions to show a genuine interest in getting to know people from different cultures. Don't feel obligated to apologize for unintentional accidents, personal imperfections or inconveniences that were out of your control.

Seek professional help to overcome persistent feelings of depression or guilt if needed.

Third, teach girls that their value

...is independent of performance or appearance. Girls are growing up in a society obsessed with fame and celebrity. Teens are becoming overnight internet sensations and selfie-posting social media darlings. In addition to feeling the pressure of having to always look their best, young women are growing up in an educational system that emphasizes high-stakes assessments, GPAs and scores on college entrance exams. Girls have busy schedules that include school, sports, clubs, service, church and family obligations. Take the time to make the girls in your life feel loved and valued. Parents can ease the internal guilt and shame of overly apologetic teens by reassuring them of their worth. Clearly communicate your support for your daughter regardless of her GPA or the number of likes on her social media pages.

Apologies are powerful tools to encourage forgiveness in a relationship, but if you use them too often for the wrong reasons, you may want to consider different ways to break the habit. After years of battling negative thoughts and self-depreciation, the struggling runner I coached has now blossomed into a promising young leader. Be considerate and say you're sorry in a way that builds your confidence and creates a more positive experience for everyone around you.

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Summer is drawing to a close. Commercials on TV, displays in big box retailers, and letters sent home by local schools are telling us that the back-to-school season is here again.

We all have seen the lengthy lists of required school supplies provided by teachers. As you start to calculate the cost of new clothes and fresh supplies, keep in mind that some of the best things your child's teacher wants your student to bring back to school this year aren't found on the shelves at the supermarket:

Cooperation

The ability to work well in a team is an essential skill for any setting. In today's classrooms, teamwork has become incredibly important. Teaching children how to collaborate and work well with others will help them to succeed in school and in their future careers.

Creativity

Most children are naturally creative. They have a unique ability to see the world in fresh ways. Encourage your kids to think outside of the box and come up with new uses for everyday objects. You can also encourage creativity by having your children come up with solutions to complex problems. Some of their solutions may surprise you!

Curiosity

Curiosity is another trait kids show from a young age. Even though some kids may have what seems like an endless number of questions, it's important to praise children for wanting to know more. All too often, children lose their natural curiosity and become too afraid of asking a question or asking for help. Be an example to your children by sharing your own interests and enthusiasm for learning with them.

Persistence

Dr. Jim Stigler, professor of developmental psychology at the UCLA,has researcheddifferences between American and Japanese approaches to learning mathematics. In one study, he took two groups of first grade student and gave them a math problem that would be impossible for the students to solve. On average, the American students spent about 30 seconds on the problem before giving up. The researchers had to stop the Japanese students after they had spent an hour trying to solve the problem. Students who have habits of persistence are more likely to meet their goals even if they come from difficult circumstances.

Patience

The process of complex and meaningful learning can sometimes be an arduous journey. Don't be surprised if your children goes through an adjustment period as they get used to new schools, new teachers and new routines. Model patience by staying calm and talking with your kids about their experiences in school. If your child struggles to learn, focus on improved performance and behavior instead of pressuring kids to get certain grades. A little praise can go a long way to improve your child's attitude about school.

Teaching and practicing these five essential traits will help your child feel confident in their ability to succeed at school. While back-to-school supplies are important, these five skills are essential for every student in every grade level and educational setting. As parents and teachers partner together to teach these essential skills, our schools get help preparing the next generation of students.

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The world of social media seems to be increasingly divisive. It can be difficult to know when to take a stand or when to try and neutralize escalating dialogue. You may wonder should I change my profile picture to show support for a movement or country? Should I write a post about gun violence or show support for law enforcement? Should I tweet my reaction to the latest controversial statement? Or will my friends desert me if I don't happen to share their opinions.

In an age of instant digital communication, here are a few practical tips for bringing your friends and followers closer together:

1- Ask a question

It's easy to pretend that you have all the answers when you are only speaking from one perspective. The truth is that we live in a complicated world with multiple perspectives and life stories. Every voice is valuable. Before typing up a political rant to post to your friends' news feeds, considering asking a genuine question about an issue or perspective that you really don't understand. Yes, this requires a bit of vulnerability. In the long run though, posting a question may open up an enlightening conversation for all of your online followers.

2- Read something you don't agree with

Browsing through your news feeds have you ever come across an article title that jumps out at you? Maybe you have that one friend that's a fanatic for a politician that you would never consider voting for. One way to build unity in both our online and real communities is taking the time to understand another's perspective. Reading articles or posts that you disagree with can give you insight into how your opinions may differ from other popular opinions. There are reasons why a movement or person has so many supporters. Take the time to learn some of those reasons. Also, as you read something different from your regular browsing material, you may discover the more personal motivations behind someone's strongly held beliefs.

3- Encourage and invite

One of the most powerful ways to harness your online influence is to encourage people to take positive action. Sharing stories of people from different groups coming together during hard times can make an impact on our collective reaction to tragedy. Use your online presence to make a positive difference in the way communities respond to difficult situations and problems in society.

4- Share briefly your experience

Sharing your story online can have a powerful effect on readers; especially when you share briefly and share without blame or an ulterior motive. Consider what aspects of your situation may apply to a public discussion. Is there another side to current events that you feel others can relate to? Don't be afraid to speak up when you feel it is necessary, just remember to allow others the same privilege. Respectfully listen and learn from the experiences of others who share online.

5- Go offline

Sometimes the best way to build unity is to disengage from a negative news cycle to go out and do something. Serving your community is a great way to get to know people from diverse backgrounds. Next time, instead of typing a quick, unfiltered response off the top of your head, think about a way to react to an event that doesn't involve social media. Become part of the solution by giving back instead of reacting. Giving service doesn't have to involve organizing a huge project. Experiment. Start small. You never know what could happen!

In the digital world of hastags and filtered profile photos, it may seem like we are more divided than ever. The next time you feel passionate about a hot-topic on social media, try to express your thoughts without antagonizing another person or group. Be a champion for postive media by using one of these five suggestions to unify the digital and actual world around you.

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I had always known that this might happen: After three years, my husband had decided that he no longer wanted to take part in our faith. Although I wasn't completely shocked by his decision, the pain and loneliness of finding myself alone in our family's spiritual practice was very real.

Things have gotten easier as time goes on. There are still moments when I struggle, but I feel like I have learned a lot of valuable lessons. Here are some suggestions for families and couples dealing with an unexpected faith crisis.

Be accepting

It's so important for both partners to feel accepted for who they are, even if they are experiencing spiritual doubts. Tell your partner that you love them for who they are, not because they meet a checklist of spiritual credentials. Remind your partner often of the reasons why you love them. Your spouse may already be vulnerable after admitting spiritual doubt. Reaffirm your love and trust in your partner.

Avoid manipulation

The intimacy of marriage can make a spouse's faith crisis especially difficult to deal with. Spirituality was something I thought that we would be able to share. I was heartbroken when I discovered that my husband didn't place the same value on spiritual doctrines and practices that I did. My fears about the well-being of our family led to subtle and not-so subtle attempts at nagging, manipulating and forcing my husband to do things that I thought were necessary. Eventually, I felt that I needed to stop trying to force spirituality on my husband. I had to recognize that he was on his own spiritual path, even if it was different from the path I had envisioned for him.

Become spiritually self-reliant

Once I stopped trying to change my husband, I realized that I was focusing on his behavior and ignoring my own spiritual deficiencies. I was experiencing the classic "beam and mote" syndrome from the New Testament (Matthew 7:3-5). Instead of trying to point out ways that my spouse can improve, I now try to focus my efforts on my own spiritual progress. I am far from perfect, but I have noticed a difference in the way that I pray. I now meditate on ways I can build a relationship with God.

Find support

Whether you take part in an online forum, or chat with family or members of your congregation, it's important to reach out. At first, I felt ashamed and out-of-place when I came to church alone. I came to realize that most people were friendly and sympathetic. Give people the benefit of the doubt before you judge them (or yourself) too quickly.

Have faith

The hardest part of dealing with my husband's choices is recognizing and redirecting my worried thoughts. Spending more time reading uplifting material has helped me to create a more positive outlook. If your spouse or family member is struggling to believe, express love, but also have faith that God loves you and wants your family to succeed.

Every faith crisis and family is different. While I am still learning from this challenge, I have had many spiritual experiences as I strive to improve my relationship with God and my husband. Marriages can truly thrive as both partners increase their expressions of love and mutual respect for one another.

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