You've all seen her or known her - that woman who strokes the baby blankets in the baby aisle, looks with longing at the crib sets and sighs at tiny shoes.

She's the one who switches to a longer line when she ends up behind a pregnant woman complaining about morning sickness on the phone to her mother. She's that girl who never RSVPs she's coming to a baby shower, and perhaps you've never understood why.

We are one in eight.

Maybe you are her or are married to her. You both feel alone each time the pregnancy test comes back negative; or, perhaps the point has come that you don't bother with them anymore.

Every time radiologists ask if there's any chance you're pregnant, you just laugh bitterly (I know I do).

When your friends and family members announce a pregnancy (thoughtful ones announce to you first so you have time to adjust privately), you cry, even though you really are happy for them ... really! It just hurts. Again.

And here comes Mother's Day. Again. The day that stings with reminders of what the seven in eight have that we don't, or so it seems. The day that reminds us of what we do not, no longer or may never be able to have. The day of macaroni art on refrigerators and adorably scribbled cards declaring love for Mommy. The day of flowers and breakfast in bed for all the seemingly perfectly happy moms with their beautiful families. It's all over Instagram and Facebook and Snapchat and absolutely everywhere at church.

So ... could you be one of the people unwittingly making this worse? How can you make it easier?

I have answers to both questions! Even the most well-meaning friend, coworker or church leader can unknowingly make a comment that cuts deep. Often, the seemingly innocent words are the wrong ones.

Things your childless friends want you to stop saying to them

1. "So, how many children do you have?" (Followed by) "Why not?" (and) "Aww, but you'd make a great mother!"

2. "Maybe you're not trying hard enough."

3. "Maybe it's not meant to be." (Or) "Perhaps it's not God's will just yet."

4. "Don't worry; if you'll just relax and stop thinking about it, it will happen."

5. "Have you tried ___ ?"

6. "You want kids? Take mine!"

7. "You're so LUCKY - I wish I could sleep in."

8. "I know exactly how you feel!! I had to try for 3 MONTHS for my second baby. It was just awful."

9. "You should really get over it. It's not the end of the world."

10. "Just adopt, then you'll get pregnant!"

11. "You'll understand when you have kids."

12. "Any news on that yet?"

13. "But you are a mother, in spirit." (This one is a hard thing to swallow for a lot of women. For others, they do appreciate it.)

So, now that we've covered some of the things you may be saying that you did not realize were not helping, what can you do to BLESS the lives of your childless friends? Well, perhaps it would help to let you in on some of the things we wish you knew.

Things your childless friends want to tell you

1. Remember us - we are 1 in 8.

2. Think before you speak.

3. You can help distract us! Sometimes we really need it, and your support means a lot.

4. Just because my feelings get hurt, doesn't necessarily mean I'm oversensitive. Sometimes it can mean you're insensitive.

5. We can make an effort to get along with pregnant women if they can make an effort to not complain about how hard pregnancy is.

6. Be an encourager, a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.

7. Flowers are nice for aunts, godmothers and sisters, too.

8. We can and should honor spiritual and honorary mothers and mentors: those who have contributed to our lives and given of themselves.

As women, we do not acknowledge enough the results of our influence.

In Genesis 3:20, Eve was called the "mother of all living" well before she bore children. As daughters of Eve, women can be maternal without children, too. (I'm not saying we are mothers, just maternal influences).

We can honor the mothers who bore us and those who bear with us. Perhaps this holiday needs to be treated more as Women's Day, with a focus on women being whatever kind of maternal figure each is intended to be.

The post Mother’s Day is the hardest day of the year (for some of us) appeared first on FamilyToday.

Why do we seek to bring down other women, knowing how hard life can be for a woman? Rudeness is a weak person's imitation of self-respect and strength. We have been socialized and taught to compete with one another, and this cycle needs to end!

I believe that jealousy and envy play major roles in tearing each other down. These feelings can come from seeing women who are confident in their bodies, their relationships with men, their career and their lives.

These feelings are also caused by a perceived inequality in such things as homemaking skills, mothering aptitude, creative talent and time-juggling abilities. But we each have strengths and weaknesses. And most often, people are not as good at things as they may seem. Everyone looks better on Instagram, Pinterest and Facebook, and at church on Sundays. (I know I like to make my life look like a lot of fun, when in reality it's pretty boring.)

I have a few things to say to the women who tear down other women, beginning with a favorite quote of mine by Eleanor Roosevelt:

1. "Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people."

2. Putting other women down is showing the world that you are more concerned with hurting others than you are about your own progress.

3. Ignoring what's going on in the world isn't helping anyone. We must not just sit quietly on the sidelines. Being neutral helps the bullies, not the victim.

4. A woman who knows her worth doesn't measure herself against other women, but stands strong, calm and self-confident.

5. Empowered women empower women. When women support each other, incredible things happen!

1. A negative outlook will never lead to a positive life.

2. Nobody has ever made themselves greater by showing how small someone else is. Be someone who makes everybody feel like a somebody!

3. Class is knowing WHAT to say, WHEN to say it, and WHEN to stop.

4. "You may be pretty and you may be talented, but nobody will remember that if you're mean." — Katie Holmes

5. "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." — Dali Lama

6. "Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." — Mother Theresa

7. Other women are not your competition. Stand with them, not against them!

Every woman is more than what you see. Let's look for the good in all and stand together, not against one another.

The post To the women who destroy other women appeared first on FamilyToday.

At times, men have difficulty understanding the woman they love. When preparing for marriage, here are some things to know to save yourself from a post "I do" shock.

1. Girls fart too

Sometimes we even sweat and smell. This one comes straight from my mother, who is the sweetest and seemingly least gross person you will ever meet.

2. We don't understand ourselves

We are constantly changing; it's in our nature as human beings and as women. So you can't expect the woman you marry to stay the same exact person for the next 50 years. That would be boring anyway.

3. Our period can make us monstrous

It may make us mean, or it might not affect us at all. But here's a hint: Don't ever blame anything on it, and don't suggest we "take something" for it. That's just not going to go over well.

4. We expect you to be a mind reader sometimes

So ask how we're feeling. Ask how our day went, and if our sister really ended up dating that one guy. Things like this will make us feel that you not only notice the little details, but care about them as well.

5. When we say that we're sorry, we are

Help build us up, not tear us down, and we'll do the same.

6. Women's haircuts are waaaay more expensive than yours

Sometimes our clothes are, too. Don't expect to understand why. We'll try to explain it to you, and some men might understand, while some might not. We don't like it either!

7. We will not always speak the same language

And I'm not talking about English vs. Finnish here. I'm referring to Love Languages. There's a whole book about it. Trying to be affectionate in a language someone doesn't speak isn't going to get a message across very well. So it's well worth it to learn how we want to be given love and affection.

8. When we compliment you, we mean it!

Pay attention. One of my pet peeves is when my husband is distracted when I tell him something meaningful and I really want him to hear it. Those little somethings mean your woman loves you.

9. We will probably deal with money differently than you

Everyone budgets differently. Maybe one of you is more tight with money. This will be an issue that is wise to address sooner rather than later. Lay it all out on the table.

10. We will love you even when you are having a bad day

Everyone has weaknesses and struggles, and admitting them is hard. It is not a weak person who apologizes and forgives; that is a sign of strength. If you've chosen the right woman, she'll pick you back up when you are down.

To not disenchant anyone from getting married, I do think women are a very lovely and agreeable half of our race. And as Oscar Wilde once said, "Women are made to be loved, not understood."

The post 10 things men need to know about women before marriage appeared first on FamilyToday.

There have been cheaters as long have there have been relationships. From Clinton to Schwarzenegger to Madonna, the reasons are the same; they say they are looking for more appreciation, feel unwanted or undervalued, or they are just plain self-centered. But if your partner is cheating, how can you tell?

1. They stay out late, because they're "busy at work," or "their friend really needs them." This could be true, but is it happening more frequently than it used to? Is the behavior progressing to him missing dinners or her not showing up for lunches anymore?

2. They are suddenly more or less complementary than they used to be. Is he telling you that you look absolutely stunning in that dress you've had for years; the same dress he had told you before he hated? Is she saying you look like you've been working out when you know for a fact that you've gained 15 pounds, and these pants don't really fit?

3. He or she is spending a lot of time on his or her phone or is privately texting or talking when you aren't around. They take their phone with them everywhere and never leave it laying around, and they seem unwilling to give you their password to unlock anything.

4. They are unreachable at times - their phone might be turned off, or when you call them at the office, they aren't in when they are supposed to be. They might have business trips unexpectedly, and the hotel numbers never seem to get through.

5. You hear stories that don't match up; they break dates without explanation or contradict themselves when they are talking about things that happened at "that thing last weekend."

6. They smell different. This might sound odd, but a man will change his cologne for a partner, or a woman will receive a gift of new perfume. If they act guilty and can't clearly answer where it came from - that's definitely a red flag.

7. You're getting fewer public displays of affection. If he or she is affectionate only in private and almost goes overboard at times, this may or may not be a show of guilt. It may also mean that your partner is reserved in public.

8. Have you found any jewelry in the car that isn't yours? Or a cufflink in the glove compartment when you were looking for your registration? There could be another explanation, or not. Maybe it's time you asked.

9. If there are suddenly unexplained expenses on your account or unexpected withdrawals, this may be cause for some alarm. Hotels, gifts and eating out leave a trail of behavior. Sometimes these unexplained expenses are innocent, but may not be.

10. Another thing to watch out for is your partner accusing you of being paranoid. That may seem true if they aren't cheating on you, but if they are hiding something, your partner may use that accusation to manipulate you. It's time to talk about your partner's behavior, and why you are feeling this way.

What it really comes down to is honesty. Be sincere and tell your partner that telling you the truth will help the both of you. If your feelings are being hurt by something they are doing, be open about it. It could be a misunderstanding that some honest communication will clear up, but it could be that they are seeing someone else. Talking about it will help you move on to someone with more respect and integrity whom you deserve.

The post 10 proven ways to spot a cheater appeared first on FamilyToday.

There are lots of ways to make a woman happy, but at the end of the day, we just want to feel like we're something special.

Here are 10 ways to show your wife you truly love her:

1. Tell her how you feel about her

Guys, even though you might not like talking about your feelings, we need it. If you want to make your wife feel important, and truly loved, you should look in her eyes and say, "I love you."

Eye contact makes a huge difference. The more eye contact you make, the more intimate it becomes.

2. Surprise her with little gifts

When you're walking through the mall, and your wife stops to look at something that she likes, try to remember it. Do your research and ask your mother-in-law or her sisters for a gift idea or two (you'll get brownie points from them as well).

3. Stop, look, and listen!

Notice when she wants to talk. She's not asking for you to fix something or be her hero; she just wants someone to listen. Make her feel like a million bucks by being attentive and making her feel important.

4. Date her

Try to go on a date at least once a week. Get a babysitter, recruit a grandparent or trade off with another couple. Keep the romance alive. You won her over once, do it over and over again.

5. Build her up

Encourage your wife to pursue her interests and the things that make her happy. Compliment her in front of others! It will make her shine like gold.

6. Do things around the house

There are a lot of things that women do that are sometimes taken for granted. A great way for husbands to show their love is by helping out around the house. Clean up after dinner, get the kids ready for school or take the next turn with the baby. The next time you notice your wife looking a little tired, say, "Why don't I clean up dinner? You can take a bubble bath." (Then I highly recommend giving her a foot massage.)

7. Leave her little notes

You don't have to be Shakespeare, just try to make her smile. Text her love notes when you're at work, leave sticky notes on the mirror in the bathroom, send a romantic email or put a little note in a book that she's reading.

8. Be more physical!

Don't forget small, meaningful touches: Hold your wife's hand or put your hand on the small of her back when you're leading her through a door. It doesn't really matter what you do - just touch more.

9. Give her a surprise date

Get off work early without telling her, pick up her favorite movie, grab some take out from that place she loves and have a surprise night in. Relaxing romance can be the very best kind. Cuddle on the couch, share popcorn while you watch the movie and offer her a back rub when it's over. It'll be great for both of you.

10. Leave her time to be herself

Make her take a break and do something just for herself. Tell her to go for lunch with a girlfriend, give her time to take a class or join a book club. If you want your wife to feel loved, she also needs to love herself.

The post 10 ways to show your wife you truly love her appeared first on FamilyToday.

Congratulations - you've gotten a first date!

Many studies show that you can tell within the first few moments of a date whether it will be a good match or not. Is your date talking with his or her hands? Men who talk with their hands tend to be good communicators. And if you notice that your date is subtly leaning forward and mimicking your gestures, that's an excellent sign that they are listening to and engaged in what you're saying. That's exactly what you're looking for!

So what else do you want to do, to guarantee a second date?

1. Ask questions/be communicative

Women feel more connected when men laugh with them, use the word "you" a lot, ask questions and interject in the conversation to show they're paying attention. And women, it's important to speak confidently and keep the conversation from lagging - it's OK to talk about yourself; use words like "I," "me," "myself." Men say that they feel more of a spark when you speak that way, rather than when you limit the conversation by saying things like "kinda," "sort of" and "maybe."

2. Use a more masculine or feminine pitch

Women who feel connected to their dates speak at a higher pitch and volume, making their excitement and immersion in the conversation more obvious. Mens' pitch, however, varies a lot less, reflecting their masculinity. Men are also more likely to laugh and vary their volume (also showing interest and excitement). It's science, folks.

3. Be nice, especially to other people

This might seem obvious, but it might not be to some. Women will notice whether men are nice to the server, and how skimpy of a tip they leave him or her. Whether you are kind to those around you will be noticed by - and important to - your date.

4. Men - pick up the tab

When the bill comes, reach for it. If she offers to split the tab, politely refuse. I always say that if you offer twice and she still wants to split, it's not worth arguing; it's obviously important to her. But if you don't at least offer to pick up the tab, you may not get a second date. Women, let him pay for the tab. It's gentlemanly, and you can offer to buy dessert or dinner the next time, which is a great way to keep things going.

5. Go for a kiss!

The anticipation is probably killing her. Step up to the plate, or she might think you're never going to do it, give up and file you under "friend zone." If you know you're hitting it off, she's going to be anticipating it. An appropriate smooch can be a great end to a date.

There you have it! Your job is to land the first date. Follow these and you'll most likely have a second one to look forward to.

The post 5 steps to landing a second date appeared first on FamilyToday.

Those who are attracted to the manipulative type are usually those who want to make others happy. "People pleasers" who are searching for happiness but who may not have the best self-esteem are prime targets.

If you have trusted too much too often, if your relationship has become something that turns your stomach into knots, you might recognize several of the following warning signs that your partner is manipulating you.

"It's not me. It's you."

Are you constantly told that you're exaggerating your partner's mistakes or behaviors, that you're making things out to be so much bigger than they are? Of course, a manipulator would want you to think so.

Using your weaknesses against you

Once your partner sees a weak chink in your armor, she uses it over and over to gain the advantage, wounding your ego or taking opportunities to effectively embarrass you with what hurts most. On the same note...

Humiliation tactics

A manipulator conveniently embarrasses you in front of others and then does one of two things: acts as though he didn't realize he would hurt your feelings or acts as though he does not care that he did. This tool works your self-esteem down and makes your partner feel better about himself - though, perhaps, he doesn't realize that's why he's doing it.

Blaming others

Whether she's blaming you or anyone else, your partner won't take responsibility for her bad conduct.

Emotional blackmail

This takes the form of intimidation, shaming, guilt-tripping or threatening - saying things like, "I'll die if you leave me," or, "I can't believe you would stoop so low after you did this the other day! You of all people!" Some manipulators may even resort to rage.

"Foot-in-the-door" technique

Your partner makes a small request that is easy to agree to and then follows it up with his real request. This makes it hard for you to say no. If you do, your partner acts hurt or upset, making you out to be the bad guy. Now you're on the defensive and your partner has won the round.

Guilt and shaming

Has your partner ever started a conversation that turned into, "You don't love me enough," or, "Why are you always on your butt watching TV or playing games?" A manipulator will try to make you feel like you never do enough, causing you to feel like her emotional problems are somehow your fault. Again, this brings down your self-esteem, making you a pliable, easy target.

Playing the innocent

Whenever there's a conflict, your partner somehow makes himself out to be the injured party - every time. He ends up making you feel for him, and you sympathize with his bad experiences. You may even end up comforting him, apologizing for something (or everything), and telling him you'll do better next time. How is it that he becomes the innocent party every time?

The joker

A manipulative partner will make you feel intimidated, ashamed and embarrassed when you're together and when you're out with friends. If this happens and a friend confronts your partner about being rude or insulting, your partner will often try to pass offensive comments off as "jokes." However, those who are paying attention will hear the insulting undertones that are present beneath the "humor."

Gaslighting

Does your partner say or do things that make you feel like you must be crazy and then tell you you're making something out of nothing? You're not alone. This is known as gaslighting. Your partner twists the truth or leaves out certain information to make you doubt your own perception - and sanity. Gaslighting is very disorienting, and it's a form of emotional abuse.

In general, manipulative behavior is learned. Many times, manipulation is an instinctual behavior developed out of necessity (most often in childhood). Thus, it's not usually something that can be quickly unlearned.

If you're with a manipulator, he or she will be very good at making you feel a lot of things, but don't feel that you need to change your partner. Change won't happen as easily as you think. It takes a lot of time (and therapy), and you should be spending your time protecting your own emotional safety. Know the manipulation tactics, and learn what your partner's favorite weapons against you are so that you can shield yourself. Build up your self-esteem and self-respect. That is vital. Lastly, if you're in the position to do so, you may be better off leaving the relationship entirely.

The post 10 signs your partner is manipulating you appeared first on FamilyToday.

We've all heard it, and we don't want to believe it - especially when those crisp, bubbly beverages are sitting right next to us. Whether it's on your desk now or hanging out in your refrigerator, chances are, you have some soda in your life. A recent national Gallup poll found that 48 percent of Americans drink one or more glasses of soda per day - with 7 percent reporting that they drink four or more per day.

Here's why you might want to cut back on that soda (or even replace it entirely).

Bones and teeth

Phosphoric acid is a corrosive agent found in fertilizers, soaps, polishes and dyes. It's also found in Cola. (Ever heard of using Cola to clean chrome?) Generally, people who drink soda get less calcium and more phosphorous, tipping the balance of bone remodeling toward osteoporosis (bone density loss).

Sugary drinks also contribute to plaque buildup, cavities, gingivitis and (gasp) bad news from the dentist!

Reproductive hormones

A Harvard study has shown that BPA (a component found in many soda bottles) may decrease fertility. This isn't just a worry for women. The aluminum in soda cans may decrease male fertility.

Mind

Sugary sodas incrementally increase blood sugar, increasing risk for dementia and interfering with the brain's ability to create memories. If you're a diet drinker, the aspartame in your soda can contribute to headaches, blurry eyes and memory issues.

Mood

The FDA has linked aspartame to severe depression. Clinical depression affects about 6.7 percent of adults in the U.S. every year. Aspartame increases this risk by up to 36 percent! If you persistently feel sad or worthless and lose interest in activities that once held interest for you, it may be time to give up the soda - and seek medical guidance.

Tummy

Researchers have shown that replacing sugary sodas with water will decrease that bulge around your middle. For those who drink diet soda, a study from the School of Medicine at The University of Texas Health Science Center found that people who drink diet soda have a 70 percent greater increase in their waistlines than non-drinkers. Over the course of 9.5 years, those who drank frequently - two or more diet sodas per day - experienced 500 percent more growth in their waistlines than those who didn't.

Aging

University of California San Fransisco (UCSF) researchers have found that consuming 20 ounces of soda every day may take 4.6 years off of your life. Soda consumption is also linked to heart disease, diabetes and certain types of cancer. That's worth picking up a water!

So, there you have it, folks. Soda is rotting your teeth, making you depressed and forgetful, and cutting years off your life. But don't sweat it. There are plenty of other drinks in the sea!

The post 6 disgusting things soda is doing inside your body appeared first on FamilyToday.