When is the right time to move on after losing a spouse? For one Tennessee man, that question has become more complicated, not because of how he feels, but because of how his in-laws are reacting.

In a recent "Dear Abby" column, a man who identified himself as "Ready in Tennessee" shared that he lost his wife of 20 years just four months ago after a long illness. He had retired early at 62 to care for her full time during her final years. He described caregiving as “endless and stressful, and yet rewarding.”

Since his wife’s passing, he has turned to faith, counseling, and support groups to cope with the loss. Through that process, he found comfort in reconnecting with a longtime female friend named Dinah, who also attended his wife’s memorial service. Their connection has grown stronger in recent weeks.

But not everyone is supportive, especially his late wife's family.

Here is the full text of the letter he sent to "Dear Abby."

DEAR ABBY:
I lost my wife of 20 years four months ago after a prolonged illness. I retired at 62 and became her primary caretaker. The job of caretaker is endless and stressful, and yet rewarding. A female friend of many years (“Dinah”) came to the memorial. I grieved, attended Grief Share and read articles about grief. I experience grief every day and will for my whole life.

Recently, Dinah and I began spending time together, including worship. For clarification, we have never been intimate and won’t be until our wedding night (if that ever happens). The difficulty is how my late wife’s family have reacted. They are becoming more and more distant. I don’t feel I’m doing anything wrong. Others have said, “You should wait for at least a year.” My financial planner and I spoke about not making any major financial decisions for a while, but what is this “one year” thing?
— READY IN TENNESSEE

And here is Dear Abby’s thoughtful response:

DEAR READY:
The “one year thing” is the same as the suggestion your financial planner offered. The reasoning is that after one loses a spouse, the widower is often emotionally vulnerable. Out of loneliness, some have made hasty decisions in their romantic lives that they later regret. While it isn’t wrong that you are dating, your former in-laws may be upset that you started so soon after your wife’s death and regard it as “disrespectful” to her memory. What they may not have taken into account is that your grieving started while you were taking care of your wife rather than after her death.

This widower’s story has touched many readers who understand how grief looks different for everyone. While some may wait a year—or longer—before pursuing new relationships, others begin healing sooner, especially after long caregiving seasons where grief begins well before a loved one passes.

Ultimately, as Dear Abby suggests, what matters most is moving forward with wisdom, patience, and integrity—regardless of outside opinion.